Mr Brown I agree with Diced.

I'm not sure but I think BEH is the only one here who tried a prescription. From what I recall his luck was shitty.

Anal docs promise the world, then twist their fingers in your ass on a cold table. The last visit as I moaned on the table, biting the pillow, all my doc did was smoke a cigarette and charge me a copay.

Looks like another evening on the can, tablet in hand.

I got to get my bowels straight before my holiday road trip that starts next week.

How are all my brown trodden friends out there doing?

I would like to wish everyone out there a very happy holiday.

I have been drinking tonight but will not drive.

Sorry, I will post again after I have sobered up.

dive bomber Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> How are all my brown trodden friends out there
> doing?
>
> I would like to wish everyone out there a very
> happy holiday.
>
> I have been drinking tonight but will not drive.
>
> Sorry, I will post again after I have sobered up.


I hope you and your bowels got home safely Dive.

Ok now that my time on the groan throne is over, I now have my full facilities and pondered a bit after dropping off a basketball.

My rectum is sore but I have my shit together.

I've got nothing against television telethons for charity, or restaurants such as Wendy's for their St Jude's frosty approach.

Yet I wish one could be done for the bowel trodden.

It would be wonderful to have a celebrity with IBS to be more forthcoming.

Today I should be successful with the mucous extraction process. It's not 100% guaranteed but I believe my experiments will bear fruit. Thus far I've been able to decrease this stench but until I know it's clear of fecal matter, it won't be used as cooking oil.

Dr Diarrhea Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Today I should be successful with the mucous
> extraction process. It's not 100% guaranteed but I
> believe my experiments will bear fruit. Thus far
> I've been able to decrease this stench but until I
> know it's clear of fecal matter, it won't be used
> as cooking oil.


What the fuck is your malfunction? Seriously?

Just checking in...how are all the members of the Brown Brigade doing today? I sincerely hope the festive spirit of the season is having a positive effect on your bowels.

Deadly combo Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Just checking in...how are all the members of the
> Brown Brigade doing today? I sincerely hope the
> festive spirit of the season is having a positive
> effect on your bowels.


A shitty day but I wish you a early Merry Christmas deadly and to all brothers in bowel.

Mr Underwear I'm not sure what that guys obsession is with colon mucus but he's not harming anyone. Here's to you enjoying gifts in diapers by the tree.

Beer shits today. Remind me to never drink 8 beers on a weeknight again. My hinney feels like it was run over by a Anheuser-busch tractor trailer.

dive bomber Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Beer shits today. Remind me to never drink 8 beers
> on a weeknight again. My hinney feels like it was
> run over by a Anheuser-busch tractor trailer.


Dive beer shits are awful. Guessing you are a bit runny on the Bristol but glad you are okay. One time I drank a lot of green beers on St Patrick's Day and dropped a green deuce. No luck of the Irish unfortunately.

Do any of you go through extended gas bouts prior to crapping?

Mister Brown Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Do any of you go through extended gas bouts prior
> to crapping?


Absolutely Mr. Brown. Both my sister Matilda and I contend with bouts of gas on a regular basis. As soon as she starts farting when we watch the Price is Right, it's only a matter of time before the blood curdling scream begins as she's on the groan throne.

The gas is another uncomfortable part of IBS. I remember when I was a working man, constantly trying to blame the chair or other people when I farted.

Needless to say my retirement brought a lot of joy and less stench to the office.

Really need extra colon mucous.

Mister Brown Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Do any of you go through extended gas bouts prior
> to crapping?

I guess it would depend on your definition of "extended". Personally mine are a bit more, shall we say, "aromatic" prior to perching on the porcelain convenience relative to general wind-breaking throughout the day.

Deadly combo Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Mister Brown Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > Do any of you go through extended gas bouts
> prior
> > to crapping?
>
> I guess it would depend on your definition of
> "extended". Personally mine are a bit more, shall
> we say, "aromatic" prior to perching on the
> porcelain convenience relative to general
> wind-breaking throughout the day.


Deadly tis a shame as the average person fart 14 times a day. Yes even women fart.

This potpourri of scents is usually frowned upon. It's definitely not a crowd pleaser. Yet how do you try to hide it?

Brown Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------

> Deadly tis a shame as the average person fart 14
> times a day. Yes even women fart.
>
> This potpourri of scents is usually frowned upon.
> It's definitely not a crowd pleaser. Yet how do
> you try to hide it?

Tough to hide, BO. Best one can do is silently let them escape in a crowd, then walk casually away before the fragrance rises to nostril level.

Going down the highway,
Going eighty-four,
Johnny cut a gasser
And it blew me out the door!
The engine, it exploded,
The chassis fell apart,
All because of Johnny's
Supersonic fart!

I have more mucous to work with. The laxatives rendered a decent amount. If I can separate the feces and other particles, I'm considering trying to aerosol it for deterring insects, and also the cooking oil consideration is in order.

You are all nasty.

Oh the pain brewing suggests a seismic event is possible in Fairfax today.

Holiday lunch in the office today. Red hot and blue food being served. Danger ahead, I cant resist pulled pork and potato salad.

Brown Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Oh the pain brewing suggests a seismic event is
> possible in Fairfax today.

I'll keep one eye on the Richter Scale, BO. Fingers crossed for minimal tremors and no aftershocks.

Speaking of pain, I don't tolerate extremely spicy food like I used to. If I eat a habanero pepper, about 8 hours later I can feel it slowly migrating the ascending/transverse/descending colon. You have my sympathy.

dive bomber Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Holiday lunch in the office today. Red hot and
> blue food being served. Danger ahead, I cant
> resist pulled pork and potato salad.

Mouth watering indeed, Dive. Let us know how it goes.

I successfully extracted the mucous unpleasant scents for a candle. This is a great day. As for cooking oil or aftershave gel no luck, but this is a great start.

Red hot and blue potato salad is a very tasty weapon of ass destruction.

dive bomber Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Red hot and blue potato salad is a very tasty
> weapon of ass destruction.


Oh good heavens!

That is a lumpy odd shaped dump that's got to stink. Wishing you and your bowels the best, and to all seasons greetings. My sister Matilda has arrived, now we are waiting on our dick brother Clarence to show up here complaining about bathroom use,smells, and screaming,

I got probiotics and gas ex to hopefully stem the gas a bit. This condition is dreadful.

It's pretty obvious this is some Michelle Obama food Nazi bullshit propaganda. A bunch of kool aid drinkers trying to get people to focus on a liberal agenda.

Brown Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> dive bomber Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > Red hot and blue potato salad is a very tasty
> > weapon of ass destruction.
>
>
> Oh good heavens!
>
> That is a lumpy odd shaped dump that's got to
> stink. Wishing you and your bowels the best, and
> to all seasons greetings. My sister Matilda has
> arrived, now we are waiting on our dick brother
> Clarence to show up here complaining about
> bathroom use,smells, and screaming,

When you see Matilda, tell her to bring me back the enema bag that she borrowed last summer.

Agnes

Warlord Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> It's pretty obvious this is some Michelle Obama
> food Nazi bullshit propaganda. A bunch of kool aid
> drinkers trying to get people to focus on a
> liberal agenda.


Bowels are a bipartisan issue. It has nothing to do with party, nor do our bowels get any help from the first lady's work. Great she's doing some exercise after eating fried chicken, watermelon, and grape soda.

Yet what does her work have to do with bowels? Zilch.

Agnes Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Brown Onion Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > dive bomber Wrote:
> >
> --------------------------------------------------
>
> > -----
> > > Red hot and blue potato salad is a very tasty
> > > weapon of ass destruction.
> >
> >
> > Oh good heavens!
> >
> > That is a lumpy odd shaped dump that's got to
> > stink. Wishing you and your bowels the best,
> and
> > to all seasons greetings. My sister Matilda
> has
> > arrived, now we are waiting on our dick brother
> > Clarence to show up here complaining about
> > bathroom use,smells, and screaming,
>
> When you see Matilda, tell her to bring me back
> the enema bag that she borrowed last summer.
>
> Agnes


I don't believe she uses one of those Agnes, as an enema is like attacking an aircraft carrier with a .22.

The cost of probiotics is outrageous. I hope these work.

Mister Brown Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> The cost of probiotics is outrageous. I hope these
> work.


I have looked at probiotic supplements on Amazon but they dont seem very expensive. Where are you getting yours? I would be very interested in hearing about your results with these and I wish you the very best of luck Mister Brown.

I wish you all luck with the probiotics but they don't do shit for me.

Good morning bowel trodden.

Brown Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I wish you all luck with the probiotics but they
> don't do shit for me.
>
> Good morning bowel trodden.


Brown, I was thinking about you last night when I was watching Harold & Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay on pay per view.

This scene is the first scene in the movie and it got me laughing.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ouUZvacURys

Colon mucous is not available on eBay

Ah wow this day has truly been terrible. A yuletide log of epic proportions, a ass stretching of pain clenched teeth and a horrible time on the groan throne.

Just misery. I feel as if Ebenezer Scrooge rolled through my intestines.

My mucous candle caught on fire. No not the wick but the entire thing.

This is a setback.

Dr Diarrhea Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> My mucous candle caught on fire. No not the wick
> but the entire thing.
>
> This is a setback.



Seriously wtf?

I agree with anon doc. He's right as you all are disgusting individuals fascinated with shit and I think you should be ashamed of yourselves.

Brown Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Agnes Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > Brown Onion Wrote:
> >
> --------------------------------------------------
>
> > -----
> > > dive bomber Wrote:
> > >
> >
> --------------------------------------------------
>
> >
> > > -----
> > > > Red hot and blue potato salad is a very
> tasty
> > > > weapon of ass destruction.
> > >
> > >
> > > Oh good heavens!
> > >
> > > That is a lumpy odd shaped dump that's got to
> > > stink. Wishing you and your bowels the best,
> > and
> > > to all seasons greetings. My sister Matilda
> > has
> > > arrived, now we are waiting on our dick
> brother
> > > Clarence to show up here complaining about
> > > bathroom use,smells, and screaming,
> >
> > When you see Matilda, tell her to bring me back
> > the enema bag that she borrowed last summer.
> >
> > Agnes
>
>
> I don't believe she uses one of those Agnes, as an
> enema is like attacking an aircraft carrier with a
> .22.

This isnt an ordinary enema. Its the acme analjet. You may find it in her garage, as it is often mistaken for a pressure washer.

Agnes

I'm not sure Agnes that would be a good idea. Although I wouldn't be surprised if our asshole brother has one wrapped under the Christmas tree.

Another day of experiments with colon mucous.

It's a good thing for my neighbors my residence is a single family house.

Dr Diarrhea Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Another day of experiments with colon mucous.
>
> It's a good thing for my neighbors my residence is
> a single family house.


Within the colon and the folds of your colon lay 5 to 10 pounds of smelly foul toxic impacted mucus, plus maybe another five pounds of undigested meat putrefies inside of you. Leave five pounds of meat in a dark, warm, moist place for a few days and see for yourself the results of putrefaction.

I had my colon cleansed and this is the mucus that fell out. Sorry I flushed it, had I known I would have saved it for you.
Attachments:

That picture is gross! ^^^^^^^^^^^ Please tell me that is really seaweed and not something that came out of an ass.

Seaweed would be a lot easier to pass than my weekly beluga whale.

Goulash

Clarence constantly bitching about Matilda and my bowel issues is getting very irritating. Just non stop complaints, he just sits on the couch watching football eating non bowel friendly foods.

He's such an asshole. Christmas time can be frustrating.

Brown Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Clarence constantly bitching about Matilda and my
> bowel issues is getting very irritating. Just non
> stop complaints, he just sits on the couch
> watching football eating non bowel friendly
> foods.
>
> He's such an asshole. Christmas time can be
> frustrating.


Hey Brown. You know you are the better man here. Clarence just needs your help weather he realizes it or not.

colon cleaner Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Dr Diarrhea Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > Another day of experiments with colon mucous.
> >
> > It's a good thing for my neighbors my residence
> is
> > a single family house.
>
>
> Within the colon and the folds of your colon lay 5
> to 10 pounds of smelly foul toxic impacted mucus,
> plus maybe another five pounds of undigested meat
> putrefies inside of you. Leave five pounds of meat
> in a dark, warm, moist place for a few days and
> see for yourself the results of putrefaction.
>
> I had my colon cleansed and this is the mucus that
> fell out. Sorry I flushed it, had I known I would
> have saved it for you.


Tis a shame. My experiments today are over, but tomorrow is a new round.

Feels like a king sized holiday fruitcake is knocking at the bombay doors. Thankfully about half the office took this whole week off. Maybe I can have some privacy in the 3rd floor mens room today. The maintenance man saw me in the parking lot this morning and looked at me in disgust. I hope my fruitcake makes it down his crapper without clogging it. Heading for the stairwell now.

dive bomber Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Feels like a king sized holiday fruitcake is
> knocking at the bombay doors. Thankfully about
> half the office took this whole week off. Maybe I
> can have some privacy in the 3rd floor mens room
> today. The maintenance man saw me in the parking
> lot this morning and looked at me in disgust. I
> hope my fruitcake makes it down his crapper
> without clogging it. Heading for the stairwell
> now.


Good luck and I hope your boss doesn't take punitive action. It's so unfair the bowel trodden don't receive the protection others do.

Today I got extra mucous. It's my hope I can put it in aerosol form.

The probiotics on day 3, no change. In fact I had one runny one and it's embarrassing to have shit stains on your boxers. Still going to try gas fighting OTC. It's been frustrating.

Good luck Mr Brown, they don't do shit for me.

This morning my asshole brother surprised Matilda and I, by treating us to First Watch for breakfast. Considering he's a NY asshole, that was mighty swell of him.

After driving over there, trying not to get hit by Somalian terrorists driving cabs, we thought once away from the third world backwater things would improve.

A wetback brought us to our table. Due to Matilda and I carrying extra girth, we found the tables uncomfortable. Then after eating some food cooked by some slimy haired Guinea, she started to have stomach problems.

Her bowels reacted negatively to the pancakes and eggs, so she went to the restaurants groan throne. She was able to pass the sedan sized crap, but some insensitive asshole called the police due to the screams.

Three showed up with clothes pins on their noses as she shuffled back in the restaurant. My heart breaks for her as the whole restaurant knew who was responsible for the screams of woe and a stench that practically shut down the kitchen.

Brown Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Good luck Mr Brown, they don't do shit for me.
>
> This morning my asshole brother surprised Matilda
> and I, by treating us to First Watch for
> breakfast. Considering he's a NY asshole, that was
> mighty swell of him.
>
> After driving over there, trying not to get hit by
> Somalian terrorists driving cabs, we thought once
> away from the third world backwater things would
> improve.
>
> A wetback brought us to our table. Due to Matilda
> and I carrying extra girth, we found the tables
> uncomfortable. Then after eating some food cooked
> by some slimy haired Guinea, she started to have
> stomach problems.
>
> Her bowels reacted negatively to the pancakes and
> eggs, so she went to the restaurants groan throne.
> She was able to pass the sedan sized crap, but
> some insensitive asshole called the police due to
> the screams.
>
> Three showed up with clothes pins on their noses
> as she shuffled back in the restaurant. My heart
> breaks for her as the whole restaurant knew who
> was responsible for the screams of woe and a
> stench that practically shut down the kitchen.


Another stupid nonsensical write up. Even if 1/10th of what you posted is true, why would you publicize such an event? Ignoramus.

Doctor you are such an asshole. It's Christmas time. Why don't you learn to live and let go? All of these people have problems. Heck all of us do. Even if BO exaggerated what happened maybe this is his way of venting. He lives with this you don't!

BO is a sleazy racist. Clearly his bowel woes are due to karma and well-deserved. May his bowels strain with his every racist thought.

Jesus Christopher Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> BO is a sleazy racist. Clearly his bowel woes are
> due to karma and well-deserved. May his bowels
> strain with his every racist thought.


What racist thought? I speak what's on everyone's mind, and I'm guessing this is your off center way of displaying your superior bowels to everyone. I hope you have shit thrown at you.

Supporter thank you.

Its amazing how bad the Chinese restaurants can be for bowels. You usually walk in, and there's this exotic Asian vibe. It might cause a Vietnam vet PTSD, but for folks like me, it just causes me to get distracted by the fine aromas and the beautiful slant eyed woman greeting you.

You have to be careful at these places, as quite often, the pretty asian ladies have a penis, and like objects put in their bowels.

The mami san brings you to a table, where some illegal immigrant who came on a pallet ship from some shit hole Chinese city greets you with a bow. You are entranced by this act of kindness, and sit in usually wooden chairs. These are definately not bowel friendly, but you forget that, as the scents of delicious cuisines fill your olfactory nerves.

Some random gook will bring you water regularly, as you order your Mao Se Tsung Chicken of Chiak Ek Shek Beef. You'll love how these taste. They are so good that you eat the whole plate, and even though it might be a member of the feline family, its delicious nonetheless.

You are feeling content, when a rumble downstairs starts up, and everyone in the restaurant hears it. Its amazing what people without round eyes can hear, and you are instantly singled out as the nasty white man who has excessive flatulence. You are like the plague in the restaurant, as that pretty slant eyed lady shakes her head, and you run to the bathroom. Running over the wetback janitor, your asshole explodes in a terrible fashion. Its either going to be splashy, but in my case its almost always like launching off a Vietnam Jungle style crap. Like the ones GI's used to get from MRE's.

You do pay your bill, but you are told in no uncertain terms that you are nasty, and have funked up the bathroom. Its embarrassing having bad bowels, and you'd be best to avoid the fortune cookie. It probably reads "Your bowels are going to explode like the Hiroshoma Bomb"

More mucous experiments are set for tomorrow. Today the amount of laxatives caused too many problems, but I'm glad as that's more mucous.

Hello all! 5am guy checking in here.

Dr.Diarrhea, I think you have a unhealthy obsession with mucous but hey thats okay because this is America and you have the freedom to do that if you so chose.

Brown Onion I gotta tell ya that Chineese food does a number on my insides. When I go to a Chineese place it is strictly steamed rice and chicken wings for me because otherwise I would feel like a tractor trailer was jack knifed in my butt.

Happy Hollidays to all my friends on this wacky but wonderful little fourum here. I wish you all a very brown christmas and hope you all get to deck the halls without being stuck in your stalls.

Sleep well friends, 5am guy is on the job all night watching over the world.

Merry Christmas 5 am guy and it's amazing how good the cat is at the Chinese place, although the claws on the way out cause Trayvon Martin like pain. Do you work in emergency services or the military? If so thank you for keeping our bowels safe in our beds as visions of sugarplums go through our heads.

I do wonder about the mucus thing. It does seem peculiar but if it has other uses, who knows maybe he can get rich.

I made a mistake of another Whopper with cheese. It's not a good morning but I really wish to find a way to avoid such foods.

One use for mucous is to clean bathroom tiles. With a bunch of scrubbing with a brush I was astounded how effective it is. It removes grime fast, and my best guess is it's the acidic compounds

Oh man that was a Herculean effort. The midwives and their crash cart are a valuable service.

Merry Christmas guys. You have my support and thank you for keeping me laughing

Happy holidays my brown trodden friends. Hope you all have a nice 4 day weekend like I do. The wife wants me to get a honey baked ham tomorrow. Seems like pork is a less than bowel friendly dish. We will see howit goes.

For this holiday season, I would like to wish all bowel movements the consistency of mashed potatoes and the smell of a fresh Christmas tree.

May you enjoy the functions of luxuriously lubricated intestines, responsive Schphinkters, and polyp free rectums.

God bless our bowels, and to everyone, a good crap.

BEH Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> For this holiday season, I would like to wish all
> bowel movements the consistency of mashed potatoes
> and the smell of a fresh Christmas tree.
>
> May you enjoy the functions of luxuriously
> lubricated intestines, responsive Schphinkters,
> and polyp free rectums.
>
> God bless our bowels, and to everyone, a good
> crap.

Well said, BEH!

I agree with BEH. May all our brothers in bowel enjoy the festivities.

Would anyone like my asshole brother over for Christmas?

I found another use for mucous. It works cleaning coffee machine stains.

My brother Clarence is an insensitive jerk. Matilda and I were watching Miracle on 34th St, and we can't help our bloating and gas.

It was rude of him to make snide remarks. Even more so is the clothespin on his nose. I know it's Christmas, but I'm thinking about making him get a hotel, where some slimy Greek bastard can check him in, and a wetback maid can attend to his needy persona.

Jingle bells, BO smells
like a festering dead shit cake
Asshole clogged with a ten foot log
that no toilet could ever take

Rudolf the brown nose shitdeer Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Jingle bells, BO smells
> like a festering dead shit cake
> Asshole clogged with a ten foot log
> that no toilet could ever take


Not so much a fan of your song, as I prepare for World War 3 with the groan throne.

You are finishing your last second Christmas shopping at Walmart. Its a complete cluster fuck, as fellow white trash shoppers are grumpy, and there's tension in the air. This causes you lots of stress, and does nothing to assuage your fears with a large crowd being a prime target by some sheep loving muslim.

Sweat beads form on your forehead. You are almost hit by the senile old lady on the motorized scooter. Your stomach rumbles and you try to find an unpopulated aisle to release the gas. You are temporarily relieved as farting around the Honduran garbage on aisle five, is as good as it gets for these guys, unless you have a pickup truck to get Pedro and Julio to a job site with.

The store is doing brisk business, but you realize fast you must make a beeline for the bathroom. To your horror you realize both stalls are taken. You cross your legs sweating, tapping your feet like a homosexual. Its not that you want to be confused with that Christian right wing extremist senator with a wide stance. You have every right to that groan throne.

The Asian guy plays with his calculator and camera next to you. He probably is yakuza, but you have bigger worries than the wetback responsible for cleaning the bathroom.

Mercifully the doors open, and you place your rectum over the aim here sign. Screaming and biting down on that belt, you release your payload. You feel like you've accomplished a lot of shit, but everyone in the bathroom stares at you. Its intimidating. Some big black guy who looks just like he got released from prison, is drinking grape soda, and calls you a nasty motherfucker. His kids are confused on father's day, but you just want away from him and the Italian wop who looks like he's going to shank you.

Finally with wobbly legs and a sore bottom, you find your shopping cart. The lady from Pakistan rings up your merchandise, so she can support her non infidel brothers in Lahore. You walk out and some asshole with a GED makes sure you didn't steal anything. The hazmat team of affirmative action people show up to check on the bathroom, as a suspicious odor was called in. You know the cause but just try to get home without some Moroccan asshole cab driver running into you.

Brown Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> You are finishing your last second Christmas
> shopping at Walmart. Its a complete cluster fuck,
> as fellow white trash shoppers are grumpy, and
> there's tension in the air. This causes you lots
> of stress, and does nothing to assuage your fears
> with a large crowd being a prime target by some
> sheep loving muslim.
>
> Sweat beads form on your forehead. You are almost
> hit by the senile old lady on the motorized
> scooter. Your stomach rumbles and you try to find
> an unpopulated aisle to release the gas. You are
> temporarily relieved as farting around the
> Honduran garbage on aisle five, is as good as it
> gets for these guys, unless you have a pickup
> truck to get Pedro and Julio to a job site with.
>
> The store is doing brisk business, but you realize
> fast you must make a beeline for the bathroom. To
> your horror you realize both stalls are taken. You
> cross your legs sweating, tapping your feet like a
> homosexual. Its not that you want to be confused
> with that Christian right wing extremist senator
> with a wide stance. You have every right to that
> groan throne.
>
> The Asian guy plays with his calculator and camera
> next to you. He probably is yakuza, but you have
> bigger worries than the wetback responsible for
> cleaning the bathroom.
>
> Mercifully the doors open, and you place your
> rectum over the aim here sign. Screaming and
> biting down on that belt, you release your
> payload. You feel like you've accomplished a lot
> of shit, but everyone in the bathroom stares at
> you. Its intimidating. Some big black guy who
> looks just like he got released from prison, is
> drinking grape soda, and calls you a nasty
> motherfucker. His kids are confused on father's
> day, but you just want away from him and the
> Italian wop who looks like he's going to shank
> you.
>
> Finally with wobbly legs and a sore bottom, you
> find your shopping cart. The lady from Pakistan
> rings up your merchandise, so she can support her
> non infidel brothers in Lahore. You walk out and
> some asshole with a GED makes sure you didn't
> steal anything. The hazmat team of affirmative
> action people show up to check on the bathroom,
> as a suspicious odor was called in. You know the
> cause but just try to get home without some
> Moroccan asshole cab driver running into you.

Fuck you BEH!

I think you covered all the minority groups in that story Brown. Maybe some coins rolled ot of your pockets as you hurriedly drop trou and were snatched up by a jewish shopper? Lol!
Seriously though you have quite the talent for story telling. You are like a brown Louis L'amour.

Wishing all the sufferers here what I just had: another #4#2.

Mucous can be frozen. This eliminates the putrid stench and I think ice packs could be possible.

Thank you dive bomber it's very therapeutic to write about my bowels.

Deadly congrats! Any pictures? Frame that if so.

Dr. D what the fuck? You are odd no offense. Now to see what my rectum looks like in the mirror.

My boss gave me a Bob Evans gift card today. I think he is trying to be funny. I thik I will spare my bowels the torture and re-gift it.

Sorry BO, no pictures to frame. Just wishing good bowel karma for everyone here.

dive bomber Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> My boss gave me a Bob Evans gift card today. I
> think he is trying to be funny. I thik I will
> spare my bowels the torture and re-gift it.


That's not a bowe buddy dive. Rather sign of superior bowels and being a insensitive asshole.

Deadly congrats Tis a shame no picture. Yet you and all here may your Christmas be as bowel friendly as possible.

The probiotics might have to go. I think they've hurt rather than helped.

The mucous collection is complete. I plan on sneaking away from my family on Christmas day, because while family time is useful, this research could be the next innovation in science. I am thrilled at prospects.

5am guy checking in again.

Im dreaming of a brown Christmas!!

Merry Christmas my friends!!!!!

Oh, potty tree oh potty tree........
Attachments:

Mr Brown probiotics are like hitting an Abrams tank with a pellet gun.

That is a great picture 5 am. I wish Porta potties were everywhere, as our asses would benefit from such things. Merry Christmas to all of our brothers in bowel and bowel buddies.

Now off to First Watch with Clarence. He apologized for being an asshole to Matilda and I. I just hope the slimy El Salvadorans aren't cooking iguana with pineapples this morning.

Great and seasonally appropriate pic, 5 am! Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, and "uneventful" bowels to all!

So... Which resturants are bowel friendly, in your opinion? What foods DO your bowels want?

Jon Bidet Ramsey Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> So... Which resturants are bowel friendly, in your
> opinion? What foods DO your bowels want?


This may sound odd but I have found Applebees to be rather bowel friendly. I'm not saying I can eat anything on the menu but they provide you with a nutrition chart on request that shows the allergen information on all their dishes. I know what sets my bowels off and I can make wise choices. Having said that my bowels are not as bad as some of the other posters here, everyone is different.

http://www.applebees.com/~/media/docs/Applebees_Allergen_Info.ashx

Another day of mucous experiments have begun.

Jon Bidet Ramsey Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> So... Which resturants are bowel friendly, in your
> opinion? What foods DO your bowels want?


None really but always eat as much fiber as you can.

This can turn a Zeppelin sized shit into a 727.

Ebenezer Scrooge watched his clerk Cratchett hard at work. He sat in a lounge chair with his superior bowels, watching his coin collection grow in piles.

The ghost of Jacob Brown visited the curmudgeonly Scrooge. Ebenezer screamed in horror as the ghost of Christmas past. His bowels almost failed him despite their excellence, as he was shown what a promising upbringing he had.

And the ghost of Christmas present made his appearance. Ebenezer had to hold on to his bowels, as he saw Tiny Tims bowels failing at an alarming rate. Tiny Tim had a terrible time getting to the groan throne in his humble abode, and the crutches impeded him greatly.

Ebenezer still spoke of the surplus population disparaging, most of which were El Salvadorans and dot heads. Yet something concerned the miserly Scrooge. That was tiny Tims bowels. His own father had less than stellar bowels, so he sympathized with the little boy. He asked the ghost of Christmas present "are his bowels going to betray him?"

All of a sudden this grim reap ghost appeared. Ebenezer crapped his pants as he saw his grave. He screamed as his rectum delivered brown matter quickly.

There he was in his bed. His bowels were fine. He was okay, and he ordered bowel friendly foods to the Cratchett family house. He ordered contractors, mostly Puerto Ricans and Mexicans, to build a big bathroom with an exceptional groan throne for Tiny Tim. He donated large amounts of money to bowel research, and even stopped by his nephews house to meet him and see his Filipino hooker like wife for Christmas dinner.

Scrooge was changed greatly by this experience, he gave the poor white Anglo Cratchett a raise, so he didn't have to live like a share copper anymore. He became a bowel buddy, and instead of being despised he became a hero in boweldom.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/24/2015 08:00PM by Brown Onion.

I'm making Christmas candles with mucous.

Brown Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Ebenezer Scrooge watched his clerk Cratchett hard
> at work. He sat in a lounge chair with his
> superior bowels, watching his coin collection grow
> in piles.
>
> The ghost of Jacob Brown visited the curmudgeonly
> Scrooge. Ebenezer screamed in horror as the ghost
> of Christmas past. His bowels almost failed him
> despite their excellence, as he was shown what a
> promising upbringing he had.
>
> And the ghost of Christmas present made his
> appearance. Ebenezer had to hold on to his bowels,
> as he saw Tiny Tims bowels failing at an alarming
> rate. Tiny Tim had a terrible time getting to the
> groan throne in his humble abode, and the crutches
> impeded him greatly.
>
> Ebenezer still spoke of the surplus population
> disparaging, most of which were El Salvadorans and
> dot heads. Yet something concerned the miserly
> Scrooge. That was tiny Tims bowels. His own
> father had less than stellar bowels, so he
> sympathized with the little boy. He asked the
> ghost of Christmas present "are his bowels going
> to betray him?"
>
> All of a sudden this grim reap ghost appeared.
> Ebenezer crapped his pants as he saw his grave. He
> screamed as his rectum delivered brown matter
> quickly.
>
> There he was in his bed. His bowels were fine. He
> was okay, and he ordered bowel friendly foods to
> the Cratchett family house. He ordered
> contractors, mostly Puerto Ricans and Mexicans, to
> build a big bathroom with an exceptional groan
> throne for Tiny Tim. He donated large amounts of
> money to bowel research, and even stopped by his
> nephews house to meet him and see his Filipino
> hooker like wife for Christmas dinner.
>
> Scrooge was changed greatly by this experience,
> he gave the poor white Anglo Cratchett a raise, so
> he didn't have to live like a share copper
> anymore. He became a bowel buddy, and instead of
> being despised he became a hero in boweldom.


Merry Christmas Brown!

Brown Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Ebenezer Scrooge watched his clerk Cratchett hard
> at work. He sat in a lounge chair with his
> superior bowels, watching his coin collection grow
> in piles.
>
> The ghost of Jacob Brown visited the curmudgeonly
> Scrooge. Ebenezer screamed in horror as the ghost
> of Christmas past. His bowels almost failed him
> despite their excellence, as he was shown what a
> promising upbringing he had.
>
> And the ghost of Christmas present made his
> appearance. Ebenezer had to hold on to his bowels,
> as he saw Tiny Tims bowels failing at an alarming
> rate. Tiny Tim had a terrible time getting to the
> groan throne in his humble abode, and the crutches
> impeded him greatly.
>
> Ebenezer still spoke of the surplus population
> disparaging, most of which were El Salvadorans and
> dot heads. Yet something concerned the miserly
> Scrooge. That was tiny Tims bowels. His own
> father had less than stellar bowels, so he
> sympathized with the little boy. He asked the
> ghost of Christmas present "are his bowels going
> to betray him?"
>
> All of a sudden this grim reap ghost appeared.
> Ebenezer crapped his pants as he saw his grave. He
> screamed as his rectum delivered brown matter
> quickly.
>
> There he was in his bed. His bowels were fine. He
> was okay, and he ordered bowel friendly foods to
> the Cratchett family house. He ordered
> contractors, mostly Puerto Ricans and Mexicans, to
> build a big bathroom with an exceptional groan
> throne for Tiny Tim. He donated large amounts of
> money to bowel research, and even stopped by his
> nephews house to meet him and see his Filipino
> hooker like wife for Christmas dinner.
>
> Scrooge was changed greatly by this experience,
> he gave the poor white Anglo Cratchett a raise, so
> he didn't have to live like a share copper
> anymore. He became a bowel buddy, and instead of
> being despised he became a hero in boweldom.

Dickens would be proud

Thank you guys. Matilda Clarence and I are celebrating Christmas with rug rats and hope your Christmas is green not brown.

Oh how tasty the honeybaked ham was, the scalloped potato's too! Now its payback time and because we have overnight guests I will not have access to my own private bathroom tonight. The wife is not going to like me tying up the master bath for hours. I still have a camping toilet out in the barn but hope I dont need it.

I hope everyone had a great Christmas!