Brown Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> When you walk in the Bon Chon, I bet that chicken
> smells delicious.
>
> Your taste buds go into overdrive, as you crave
> that, along with the Cold Stone Creamery waffle
> cone.
>
> This is a danger zone. Please keep your bowels
> intact. More later as I have to drop, what feels
> like a spiny fish through my hole.


Bon chon leggs are great!!

Mister Brown sounds too close to Mister Shit.
Attachments:

legman Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Brown Onion Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > When you walk in the Bon Chon, I bet that
> chicken
> > smells delicious.
> >
> > Your taste buds go into overdrive, as you crave
> > that, along with the Cold Stone Creamery waffle
> > cone.
> >
> > This is a danger zone. Please keep your bowels
> > intact. More later as I have to drop, what
> feels
> > like a spiny fish through my hole.
>
>
> Bon chon leggs are great!!



What kind of fission based explosion do you feel in your bowels afterwards?

Fascinating thread. My shit this morning was painful. I don't know what my issues are. Sometimes I can shit easily then other times there's pain or even some blood. Others need a roll of tp as they are messy.

Yall know of the great upcomming country music star known as Scuzz Twitly does one of his music videos while taking a dump in a truckstop bathroom. That is true art right there.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FZ82_3tGM3U
Attachments:

Brown Sausage I believe you might have a roid. A lot of straining can lead to that. Please share how your bowels are.

Legman that face looks very familiar.

I have been on the tractor all morning doing leaf removal. My bowels have had the shit shaken out of them by john deere. I am going to watch the redskins get their asses kicked now.

How are everyone's bowels today?

dive bomber Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I have been on the tractor all morning doing leaf
> removal. My bowels have had the shit shaken out of
> them by john deere. I am going to watch the
> redskins get their asses kicked now.
>
> How are everyone's bowels today?


Still brewing dive but watching this game, Jay Gruden expressions suggest bowel woes.

JnM7X Wrote:
-------------------------------------------
>
> My husband has a hard time reaching to wipe. He's
> always getting his undies poopey. That butt wipe
> bike could save his tighty whities from unsightly
> stains.

Dear Wifey,
I too was cursed with T-Rex arms and had difficulty cleaning up after dropping the kids off at the pool.
Get your husband a bidet toilet seat for Christmas. It will clean his hard to reach anus and save his shorts. I noticed that since I started using a bidet, the dogs have been sticking their noses in my butt less often.

Jon Bidet Ramsey Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> JnM7X Wrote:
> -------------------------------------------
> >
> > My husband has a hard time reaching to wipe.
> He's
> > always getting his undies poopey. That butt
> wipe
> > bike could save his tighty whities from
> unsightly
> > stains.
>
> Dear Wifey,
> I too was cursed with T-Rex arms and had
> difficulty cleaning up after dropping the kids off
> at the pool.
> Get your husband a bidet toilet seat for
> Christmas. It will clean his hard to reach anus
> and save his shorts. I noticed that since I
> started using a bidet, the dogs have been sticking
> their noses in my butt less often.


Where can a bowel trodden person find a bidet?

I used to have dogs sniffing my ass, but the German Shepherd curled up and died behind my rectum. Thankful I was not charged with animal cruelty.

I'm glad to be cleared of that war zone, as the cries of pain, encouragement of the midwives and crash cart, made it possible to walk out with a purple heart. Tis a shame that a grown man, with children and rug rat grandchildren, has to literally drop craps the size of an SUV.

The neighbors once again called the police, and I had to explain to them as they wore clothes pins on their noses, that all was alright. None of them wanted to shake my hand, even though I was awarded the purple heart, and should be considered an American hero for defying physics with that groan throne shattering shit.

To the folks at Fairfax County Water Authority, I do send my apologies for any problems caused to the system by that one. It wouldn't surprise me, that if some of the pipes get clogged, and my brown monster is now making its way to the treatment center. Its okay if you need to put on oxygen masks, or use any type of disinfectant aroma to get rid of that scent that is certain to permeate the air.

One day I dream of not having to literally grit my teeth on a belt, and to be able to just drop one #4 #2. It would be so wonderful, and while the purple lapel on my shirt shows that I have the right stuff, the determination that has made America unique and full of greatness, what's left of my bowels is nothing short of goulash.

It's been a long time. Am surprised this is still active. You guys have it lucky as I have to wear diapers. Incontinence is far worse. It's more embarrassing. No matter how much you try to wear pants that don't show them people know.

Brown Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Jon Bidet Ramsey Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > JnM7X Wrote:
> > -------------------------------------------
> > >
> > > My husband has a hard time reaching to wipe.
> > He's
> > > always getting his undies poopey. That butt
> > wipe
> > > bike could save his tighty whities from
> > unsightly
> > > stains.
> >
> > Dear Wifey,
> > I too was cursed with T-Rex arms and had
> > difficulty cleaning up after dropping the kids
> off
> > at the pool.
> > Get your husband a bidet toilet seat for
> > Christmas. It will clean his hard to reach anus
> > and save his shorts. I noticed that since I
> > started using a bidet, the dogs have been
> sticking
> > their noses in my butt less often.
>
>
> Where can a bowel trodden person find a bidet?


I picked up a bidet seat at Costco. Best investment I've made. The savings in toilet paper and shorts will have paid for it in about four years. Bio Bidet Luxury Bidet Seat. There are more economical products on the market, but I can't give higher praise for my bidet seat.

It does a great job washing up the missus' lady bits before playtime, I'll add.

Jon Bidet Ramsey Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Brown Onion Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > Jon Bidet Ramsey Wrote:
> >
> --------------------------------------------------
>
> > -----
> > > JnM7X Wrote:
> > > -------------------------------------------
> > > >
> > > > My husband has a hard time reaching to
> wipe.
> > > He's
> > > > always getting his undies poopey. That butt
> > > wipe
> > > > bike could save his tighty whities from
> > > unsightly
> > > > stains.
> > >
> > > Dear Wifey,
> > > I too was cursed with T-Rex arms and had
> > > difficulty cleaning up after dropping the
> kids
> > off
> > > at the pool.
> > > Get your husband a bidet toilet seat for
> > > Christmas. It will clean his hard to reach
> anus
> > > and save his shorts. I noticed that since I
> > > started using a bidet, the dogs have been
> > sticking
> > > their noses in my butt less often.
> >
> >
> > Where can a bowel trodden person find a bidet?
>
>
> I picked up a bidet seat at Costco. Best
> investment I've made. The savings in toilet paper
> and shorts will have paid for it in about four
> years. Bio Bidet Luxury Bidet Seat. There are more
> economical products on the market, but I can't
> give higher praise for my bidet seat.
>
> It does a great job washing up the missus' lady
> bits before playtime, I'll add.

Gay shit.

Mr Brown Underwear, if you're worried about manty lines from the depends just skip them. Get some Saran wrap & slap it on tight from your beltline to your ankles. It will sound funny when you walk & you might be a little stiff, but blame it on an old injury, you might get your own office.

Really tired of the sorry asses complaining about their tough shits. Eat your veggies and drink water, it's not rocket science. If you eat three times a day, you should be shitting three times a day. Only passing one loaf a day if you're lucky? Guess what! You're broken! That stale, clogged shit that is festering in your pipes is putrifying your body.
Attachments:

Once again another prick with superior bowels, putting the bowel trodden down again. Sad but not surprised.

I am mortified what you all go through.

My boss is on vacation this week and he left me a key to his office which has a private bathroom. This is going to be a good week!

dive bomber Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> My boss is on vacation this week and he left me a
> key to his office which has a private bathroom.
> This is going to be a good week!


Be careful dive. My bowel instincts smell a rat. Is it possible he's setting you and your bowels up?

You walk in the fast food place, your body tired from that long stretch of highway driving. After hitting the fifth illegal wetback contact employee on the interstate, it's time for you to at least get a soda pop or coffee.

Your belly rumbles, and the aromas of cheeseburgers and fries tricks your colon. You see your colon or bowels, actually control your brain, not the other way around.

Putting your prejudices aside while ordering a #2 from a dot head, you upgrade those fries to a larger size. That milkshake machine by Julio looks tempting, just like how Jerome and his friends found the safe last week.

Yet danger lurks. No matter your background your bowels will splatter from this heap of greasy artery busting foods. Do you want to get home safely, or shit the front seats of your fancy Buick? Think twice because that leather is easily stained, or fellow motorists won't appreciate a Jurassic Park sized shit on the beltway.

Brown Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> You walk in the fast food place, your body tired
> from that long stretch of highway driving. After
> hitting the fifth illegal wetback contact employee
> on the interstate, it's time for you to at least
> get a soda pop or coffee.
>
> Your belly rumbles, and the aromas of
> cheeseburgers and fries tricks your colon. You see
> your colon or bowels, actually control your brain,
> not the other way around.
>
> Putting your prejudices aside while ordering a #2
> from a dot head, you upgrade those fries to a
> larger size. That milkshake machine by Julio looks
> tempting, just like how Jerome and his friends
> found the safe last week.
>
> Yet danger lurks. No matter your background your
> bowels will splatter from this heap of greasy
> artery busting foods. Do you want to get home
> safely, or shit the front seats of your fancy
> Buick? Think twice because that leather is easily
> stained, or fellow motorists won't appreciate a
> Jurassic Park sized shit on the beltway.

You know what, BO? That's fucked up thinking. Maybe my bowels do control my thinking, if so, I do right by them. Never have I felt compelled to eat any of that artery clogging, bowel clogging sludge that passes (or doesn't pass, as the case may be) for food. I'm not "a prick with superior bowels", I just make better choices. You can too.

I make horrible choices. I have inferior bowels. My colon is shellacked like a 1963 pine desk.

Hello all. 5am guy checking in here.

Sleep well my friends, those of us who have chosen life on the graveyard shift are keeping the world running as the city sleeps.

Once or twice a week I go to Denny's for lunch at about 3am. The people I meet there are often graveyard shifters as well. Cops, tow truck and cab drivers and there is always a couple of those private ambulance drivers. These folks have it really tough when they need to take a dump on the job. Cops can roll up on a traffic accident and be there for 2 hours. In an emergency they can get on the radio and call for 10-200 backup which means they need someone to stand in so they can go take a dump.
Very few public restrooms are available at night, they tell me tales of running into a wooded area with a handful of 7-11 napkins.

Final Solution Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Brown Onion Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > You walk in the fast food place, your body
> tired
> > from that long stretch of highway driving.
> After
> > hitting the fifth illegal wetback contact
> employee
> > on the interstate, it's time for you to at
> least
> > get a soda pop or coffee.
> >
> > Your belly rumbles, and the aromas of
> > cheeseburgers and fries tricks your colon. You
> see
> > your colon or bowels, actually control your
> brain,
> > not the other way around.
> >
> > Putting your prejudices aside while ordering a
> #2
> > from a dot head, you upgrade those fries to a
> > larger size. That milkshake machine by Julio
> looks
> > tempting, just like how Jerome and his friends
> > found the safe last week.
> >
> > Yet danger lurks. No matter your background
> your
> > bowels will splatter from this heap of greasy
> > artery busting foods. Do you want to get home
> > safely, or shit the front seats of your fancy
> > Buick? Think twice because that leather is
> easily
> > stained, or fellow motorists won't appreciate a
> > Jurassic Park sized shit on the beltway.
>
> You know what, BO? That's fucked up thinking.
> Maybe my bowels do control my thinking, if so, I
> do right by them. Never have I felt compelled to
> eat any of that artery clogging, bowel clogging
> sludge that passes (or doesn't pass, as the case
> may be) for food. I'm not "a prick with superior
> bowels", I just make better choices. You can too.

Perhaps you can be an ambassador of the superior bowel folks, as now you understand your bowels literally control your mind. I'm glad your bowels are like a shiny new Mercedes without the brown seats.

Yet I do agree with you. It's important to take care of our bowels. Everyone bowel trodden or bowels of titanium, sometimes falls off the wagon. Yet some of us no matter what we eat crap out basketballs that are fully inflated.

Chicken pot pie Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I make horrible choices. I have inferior bowels.
> My colon is shellacked like a 1963 pine desk.


You found the right place. That's very painful. How are your bowels now? Hoping no more of that or dropping porcupines

1helful hint 4 every1:
Economically di$advantaged alternative to a bidet requiring permits for household renovation$: baby wipes. Simply go over your entire bottom with baby wipes after the toilet paper has wiped you clean. It eliminates dingleberries and skid-marked undies, and will help you feel more fresh and confident. I like the walmart brand in refreshing cucumber scent. Those of you with more sensitive skin may be better served by the unscented wipes. While you're @ satanmart don't forget the witch hazel and preparation H, if you're feeling enraged from those enlarged 'rhoids..
I, too, am paying for my choices of convenience @ McDonald's for yesterday's dinner@this painful moment. I thought it would be ok Bcuz I had plenty of salad veggies @ lunchtime. On the bright side, I'll probably be repairing some things in my bathroom today, so I'll already be in here if the poopy attacks come back!
Now if I could just get this sh!t finished so I can shower and go to home depot to get the rest of my supplies sooner rather than later..agggh. So much for an extra cup of coffee pushing it through faster. Maybe my lunch salad with a crab wrap on the side yesterday(both seeming chock-full of veggies)simply had too much cheese so the McDonald's made my insides angry? It's not like I order my McD's sans cheese also..i love cheese..but,grgrgr. Thanks for listening.
Keep the faith, my brothers and sisters in brown!! I am hoping that everybody has a skidmark free day. :)

5 am guy Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Hello all. 5am guy checking in here.
>
> Sleep well my friends, those of us who have chosen
> life on the graveyard shift are keeping the world
> running as the city sleeps.
>
> Once or twice a week I go to Denny's for lunch at
> about 3am. The people I meet there are often
> graveyard shifters as well. Cops, tow truck and
> cab drivers and there is always a couple of those
> private ambulance drivers. These folks have it
> really tough when they need to take a dump on the
> job. Cops can roll up on a traffic accident and be
> there for 2 hours. In an emergency they can get on
> the radio and call for 10-200 backup which means
> they need someone to stand in so they can go take
> a dump.
> Very few public restrooms are available at night,
> they tell me tales of running into a wooded area
> with a handful of 7-11 napkins.


Very astute observation Mr 5 am. A cold night, our men and women in uniform, keeping us safe having to squat over some ungodly place with those napkins.

My heart breaks for them, but let them know here they aren't alone.

time why you punish me Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> 1helful hint 4 every1:
> Economically di$advantaged alternative to a bidet
> requiring permits for household renovation$: baby
> wipes. Simply go over your entire bottom with baby
> wipes after the toilet paper has wiped you clean.
> It eliminates dingleberries and skid-marked
> undies, and will help you feel more fresh and
> confident. I like the walmart brand in refreshing
> cucumber scent. Those of you with more sensitive
> skin may be better served by the unscented wipes.
> While you're @ satanmart don't forget the witch
> hazel and preparation H, if you're feeling enraged
> from those enlarged 'rhoids..
> I, too, am paying for my choices of convenience @
> McDonald's for yesterday's dinner@this painful
> moment. I thought it would be ok Bcuz I had plenty
> of salad veggies @ lunchtime. On the bright side,
> I'll probably be repairing some things in my
> bathroom today, so I'll already be in here if the
> poopy attacks come back!
> Now if I could just get this sh!t finished so I
> can shower and go to home depot to get the rest of
> my supplies sooner rather than later..agggh. So
> much for an extra cup of coffee pushing it through
> faster. Maybe my lunch salad with a crab wrap on
> the side yesterday(both seeming chock-full of
> veggies)simply had too much cheese so the
> McDonald's made my insides angry? It's not like I
> order my McD's sans cheese also..i love
> cheese..but,grgrgr. Thanks for listening.
> Keep the faith, my brothers and sisters in brown!!
> I am hoping that everybody has a skidmark free
> day. :)

Hey Punisher,
The baby wipes won't be helpful to folks with T-Rex arms. Forget getting clean in the shower, can't get the soap to reach the nether regions... Best hope would be to straddle a towel and pull it back and forth, but then the skid marks are on the towel and you have to be sure not to wipe your face on that spot.

Those leftover socks that the sock monster doesn't want. Keep a few available in your car for an emergency wipedown. Better than 7-11 napkins. You can even turn them inside out when you're done, so people don't have to smell as much of the poop deposited in the trash.

Whoooooooooo Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Those leftover socks that the sock monster doesn't
> want. Keep a few available in your car for an
> emergency wipedown. Better than 7-11 napkins. You
> can even turn them inside out when you're done, so
> people don't have to smell as much of the poop
> deposited in the trash.

Or.... always wear brown socks. Use them for emergencies then wash and wear again.

Jon Bidet Ramsey Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Whoooooooooo Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > Those leftover socks that the sock monster
> doesn't
> > want. Keep a few available in your car for an
> > emergency wipedown. Better than 7-11 napkins.
> You
> > can even turn them inside out when you're done,
> so
> > people don't have to smell as much of the poop
> > deposited in the trash.
>
> Or.... always wear brown socks. Use them for
> emergencies then wash and wear again.

Best advice yet. I just hope our police and firefighters could be given a bowel friendly care package. 711 napkins must be 911 on their bowels.

Just horrendous.

I've been volunteering at a school, and am trying to help a young man with a school project. Does anyone know if the signers of the Declaration of Independence or Constitution had bowel problems?

My butt hurts my butt hurts. I don't have AIDS cancer heart problems I have butt hurt wah wah wah

Bloomin Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> My butt hurts my butt hurts. I don't have AIDS
> cancer heart problems I have butt hurt wah wah wah


Steal my former user name. You are an asshole.

Yet all of those concerns matter. My bowels break for those people.

John Bidet, the military green socks are good too. Brown socks are good camouflage if you have to leave the deuce in the woods.

The world needs a kickstarter for a self contained ass douche with splash guard or porta-bidet. So you can squirt yourself clean on the go without getting your clothes wet.

The insane sized cinderblock that I passed last night has resulted in a severe flare up of my hemorrhoids.

Upon application of Preparation H, it occurred to me they felt like a bunch of concord grapes.

Later today, I'll be looking forward to the cleansing and anti inflammatory benefits of a sitz bath.

i had my hemorrhoids burned out with a laser few years back

BEH Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> The insane sized cinderblock that I passed last
> night has resulted in a severe flare up of my
> hemorrhoids.
>
> Upon application of Preparation H, it occurred to
> me they felt like a bunch of concord grapes.
>
> Later today, I'll be looking forward to the
> cleansing and anti inflammatory benefits of a sitz
> bath.

Oh BEH my bowels break for you. Roids truly are a pain in the ass, and are another addition to our planet sized shits. I wish you the best, and hope your bowels feel better until their next betrayal.

Whooooooooooooooooo Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> John Bidet, the military green socks are good too.
> Brown socks are good camouflage if you have to
> leave the deuce in the woods.


Especially considering its Veterans Day, I appreciate that information and hope all veterans bowels are squared away.

ht545 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> i had my hemorrhoids burned out with a laser few
> years back


I hope to God they used anesthesia. Ouch!

Bunch of crybabies. That's all you are. You should be considered embarrassed to call yourself men. Ball less

Bloomin Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Bunch of crybabies. That's all you are. You should
> be considered embarrassed to call yourself men.
> Ball less


How are your bowels?

Want to take a Texas sized shit and feel the pain?

You walk in the movies with your date holding your hand. You've been waiting awhile for this lady in question to join you, as she dazzles you with her red dress, permed hair, and a look that says she's a lot younger than she is. You pop a cialis, hoping that night will work out as expected.

Walking the theater, some hopeless useless meth ridden addict takes your tickets, and tells you which one you want to go in. Unfortunately your date smells the lingering aromas of popcorn, candies, and sodas that are the anti Christ of all things bowel friendly. You forget those woes those, as your brain with balls is thinking, and you order popcorn, nachos and cheese. The illegal wetback rings you up, and you are on your way to the Hershey Highway.

Halfway through the movie, after some time necking and kissing, you feel the discouraging rumble in your belly. Oh yes that food is growing into a terrible mess, and you start sweating, wondering if your date smells the aromas from those God awful farts your colon produces. While they could be useful with a lighter to light up the aisle, this is not the time for that, and you make up an excuse about your long bathroom trip.

There as she enjoys the great scenes you are on the groan throne. Other patrons taunt you with snide remarks about "what died in there?" and "Can you let me use the toilet?" Its irritating, and you hope that you wiped it all up, even though it feels like your asshole has fallen out.

You get home, forgetting the screams, and make out in the driveway. There to your horror, your pants fall down with brown underwear. Apparently there were some entrails of the faux cheese you consumed earlier. You aren't going to get laid, in fact more likely than not your lady is going to leave you right there calling you a disgusting pig.

For those with properly working bowels, feel encouraged you can take this one stresser off of your list of dating.

Wow that's awful are you incontinent also

I had tippys for lunch. My bowels are a volcano.

BO, although they always end in a tale of woe, I do enjoy these little vignettes you post. You're like the J. Peterman of bowels.

Tippys still burns.

Brown Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> You walk in the movies with your date holding your
> hand. You've been waiting awhile for this lady in
> question to join you, as she dazzles you with her
> red dress, permed hair, and a look that says she's
> a lot younger than she is. You pop a cialis,
> hoping that night will work out as expected.
>
> Walking the theater, some hopeless useless meth
> ridden addict takes your tickets, and tells you
> which one you want to go in. Unfortunately your
> date smells the lingering aromas of popcorn,
> candies, and sodas that are the anti Christ of all
> things bowel friendly. You forget those woes
> those, as your brain with balls is thinking, and
> you order popcorn, nachos and cheese. The illegal
> wetback rings you up, and you are on your way to
> the Hershey Highway.
>
> Halfway through the movie, after some time necking
> and kissing, you feel the discouraging rumble in
> your belly. Oh yes that food is growing into a
> terrible mess, and you start sweating, wondering
> if your date smells the aromas from those God
> awful farts your colon produces. While they could
> be useful with a lighter to light up the aisle,
> this is not the time for that, and you make up an
> excuse about your long bathroom trip.
>
> There as she enjoys the great scenes you are on
> the groan throne. Other patrons taunt you with
> snide remarks about "what died in there?" and "Can
> you let me use the toilet?" Its irritating, and
> you hope that you wiped it all up, even though it
> feels like your asshole has fallen out.
>
> You get home, forgetting the screams, and make out
> in the driveway. There to your horror, your pants
> fall down with brown underwear. Apparently there
> were some entrails of the faux cheese you consumed
> earlier. You aren't going to get laid, in fact
> more likely than not your lady is going to leave
> you right there calling you a disgusting pig.
>
> For those with properly working bowels, feel
> encouraged you can take this one stresser off of
> your list of dating.


Outstanding story Brown. You are truly a artist.
Attachments:

Thank you guys. You have this ability too, whether typing it or using shit to write on bathroom walls. Considering we all spend a lot of time there use what you have handy.

#brownmatters

At burger king now. The sausage biscuits and gravy look tempting. I am weak. Troubled waters ahead. The value meal comes with deep fried hash browns too. Greasy hash browns may lead to trouble.

dive bomber Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> At burger king now. The sausage biscuits and gravy
> look tempting. I am weak. Troubled waters ahead.
> The value meal comes with deep fried hash browns
> too. Greasy hash browns may lead to trouble.


Oh my goodness. Dive, oh wow. Please tread these brown waters carefully. I hope your bowels come out of this without a levee breaking.

You are in a rush to get to work, yet your poor belly rumbles, screaming out "Feed me" like the plant from Little Shop of Horrors. You try your best to ignore it, but it pounces on you like a virus, leaving you no choice but to pull over to your local 7-11.

There besides the wetback day laborers trying to get employment, you contend with a whole bunch of potential setbacks. There are the losers with lottery tickets holding up the lines, and your eyes and nose notice the aromas from those delicious looking hot dogs. They have probably been on there since 1984, but have no doubt, you'll be eating that or their not so bowel friendly chicken nuggets or pizzas.

It happens to all of us. Sometimes we are caught unawares. This is a big danger, much like how the folks toyed with Chernobyl, but you must eat something. That candy bar under the turban wearing employees counter looks good. Don't do it, yet your hands somehow by a mysterious force reach out for it.

You get to work, and all hell breaks out. As if the boss breathing down your neck isn't enough cause for concern, you end up sweating profusely, your toes tapping try to contain the pain emenating from your intestines. Those 33 feet are a clear reminder of what is yet to come, and you waddle down to the corporate groan throne.

There you bite down on your dress pants belt, kicking at the floor tiles like a withdrawing heroin addict, and try to keep the screams to a minimum. Its embarrassing enough to have those God awful odors that burn nose hairs and the linoleum, but even worse would be EMT's getting a call. You pop out a gigantic boulder, your sweat on your forehead and chest messing up your J Crew dress shirt. All of the people in the Groan Throne room know its you, but really its your bowels, and their inability to digest that hotdog that once was so succulent.

You should be happy!
Attachments:

Anon Doc. Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> These write ups are the exact reason, that I am
> glad to be retired from the GI field.

As are we!! And now that you are retired you should work on your punctuation!!!

dive bomber Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Thanks to my ass I got called in my boss's office
> today. He says the IT dept will be giving me a
> laptop next week and taking away my desktop
> computer. He said that I can work from the mens
> room seeing as how I am spending so much time in
> there. Fuck my life.


I call bull shit. No one would do that! Lawsuit.

Supporter Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Fuck off doc. You haven't helped these guys at
> all. All you do is taunt


I did not write this. I don't use the f-word often.

original supporter Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Supporter Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > Fuck off doc. You haven't helped these guys at
> > all. All you do is taunt
>
>
> I did not write this. I don't use the f-word
> often.

Fuck off scat loving BEH!

Great picture up above. Wow I'd love to crap like that. Supporter you are fantastic. Thank you for supporting all of us bowel trodden folks, you are certainly a bowel buddy. How are your bowels?

The best things they say happens unexpectedly and not all that glitters is gold. Am Maia Brigdeston from Canada i have been sick with breast cancer for the past 8 years and it has really affected my marriage due to the fact that my husband could no longer bear the shamed, he decided to break up with me. I searched everywhere for help but all was to no avail until i saw a post on the internet about a spell caster who has helped several peoples globally. I decided to have a try to get in touch with him and the spell caster called Doctor Okpamen told me that the sickness and problems i see today that i will see them no more. He prepared a spell for me and in less that 24 hours, i went for a test in the hospital and my doctor told me that am free from the sickness that cancer no longer runs in my vain. Before i could finish rejoicing about me been free from the sickness, my husband called me that he needs me back that he was very sorry for all what he has made me passed through and wants us to reconcile. My marriage was reunited and we are living happily again. If there is anyone out there that needs the help should not hesitate to contact the spell caster called Doctor Okpamen either via his email or his website. Email: Doctorokpamenspelltemple@hotmail.com OR website: http://doctorokpamenpowerfulspelltemple.webs.com

The Burger king breakfast I had this morning set well with me at first but by 2 pm I was percolating butt coffee. I would like to thank God and pepto-bismol for helping me make it through the afternoon. I am sticking with cheerios for breakfast for awhile.

dive bomber Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> The Burger king breakfast I had this morning set
> well with me at first but by 2 pm I was
> percolating butt coffee. I would like to thank God
> and pepto-bismol for helping me make it through
> the afternoon. I am sticking with cheerios for
> breakfast for awhile.


Oh man, I'm sorry Dive. Does bathroom aromas still linger?

Be careful about any flammables?

Brown Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> dive bomber Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > The Burger king breakfast I had this morning
> set
> > well with me at first but by 2 pm I was
> > percolating butt coffee. I would like to thank
> God
> > and pepto-bismol for helping me make it through
> > the afternoon. I am sticking with cheerios for
> > breakfast for awhile.
>
>
> Oh man, I'm sorry Dive. Does bathroom aromas still
> linger?
>
> Be careful about any flammables?


Well, Brown I still have the private bathroom available at work through tomorrow. I have been reckless with my bowels this week. Thanks for your support Brown.

dive bomber Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Brown Onion Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > dive bomber Wrote:
> >
> --------------------------------------------------
>
> > -----
> > > The Burger king breakfast I had this morning
> > set
> > > well with me at first but by 2 pm I was
> > > percolating butt coffee. I would like to
> thank
> > God
> > > and pepto-bismol for helping me make it
> through
> > > the afternoon. I am sticking with cheerios
> for
> > > breakfast for awhile.
> >
> >
> > Oh man, I'm sorry Dive. Does bathroom aromas
> still
> > linger?
> >
> > Be careful about any flammables?
>
>
> Well, Brown I still have the private bathroom
> available at work through tomorrow. I have been
> reckless with my bowels this week. Thanks for your
> support Brown.


Anytime Dive, although part of me worries this is a way for the boss to set you up in a way. He could perhaps write a reprimand, suspend you, or potentially fire you as Virginia is a right to work state.

I went to the potty last Saturday night
I didnt go poop. I got in a fight.

Uh-UHHHHH
it's such a big thing..

my bathroom's deadly Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Uh-UHHHHH
> it's such a big thing..


A great song from many years ago, when Lita was young, vibrant and a good looking woman. I wonder how her bowels are now.

My butt feels like Kaitlyn Jenners.

Its off to the "doctors" for them to plunder my sister Matilda's bowels. I can hold her hand during the examination time, but I feel something horrible brewing down below. It might be time to call the midwives.

I clogged my bosses private toilet this morning and my attempts at plunging have failed. I called the maintenance department 3 hours ago and they have not responded yet. This could be bad.

dive bomber Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I clogged my bosses private toilet this morning
> and my attempts at plunging have failed. I called
> the maintenance department 3 hours ago and they
> have not responded yet. This could be bad.


This is exactly what I worried about Dive. My heart and bowels go to you.

It's expensive but maybe a private company should be called. Blame it on your boss but pay the bill.

Or if in a pinch bust the groan thrones internal plumbing, causing a giant flood that will wipe away any incriminating evidence.

The maintenance man and a janitor came by and gave me a sneer as they went into my bosses shitter to unclog it. I asked them not to mention this to the boss and slipped them each a twenty so have a feeling that the pushy bitch from HR will be asking questions as she was getting off the elevator as they were getting on it with all those tools. We will see what happens Monday, I have 18 years with the company but you never know, lots of ass kissing backstabers work here.

Damn Dive,

Smart move on your part. I hope you don't have to bring your computer to the groan throne.

Okay Matilda's office visit went as expected. I held her hand as the doctor jammed a scope in her rectum. Her knees were freezing on the cold table, and I did my best to remind her to just breathe and focus on the wall. She was able to calm down a bit more, as I let her borrow my belt to bite down upon.

The doctor as usual showed indifference, as did the nurse with the clothes pin on her nose. Medicare further decreases your choices of butt doctors, so this one was as shitty as all the others.

BO, you are a good brother. Good job helping the sister.

I once has a salmon sandwich in a small Swedish town, before heading to the airport. It didn't agree with me. Blowing up an airport crapper is almost as bad the bosses crap. I thought I might end up on the "no fly list"

Whooooooooooooooooo Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> BO, you are a good brother. Good job helping the
> sister.
>
> I once has a salmon sandwich in a small Swedish
> town, before heading to the airport. It didn't
> agree with me. Blowing up an airport crapper is
> almost as bad the bosses crap. I thought I might
> end up on the "no fly list"

Thank you as this truly was a rough day.

How was the other Swedish foods for your bowels?

To sit in solemn silence in a dull, dark dock,
In a pestilential prison, with a life-long lock,
Awaiting the sensation of a short, sharp shock,
From a cheap and chippy chopper on a big black block!
To sit in solemn silence in a dull, dark dock,
In a pestilential prison, with a life-long lock,
Awaiting the sensation of a short, sharp shock,
From a cheap and chippy chopper on a big black block!
A dull, dark dock, a life-long lock,
A short, sharp shock, a big black block!
To sit in solemn silence in a pestilential prison,
And awaiting the sensation
From a cheap and chippy chopper on a big black block!

tounge twister pooper Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> To sit in solemn silence in a dull, dark dock,
> In a pestilential prison, with a life-long lock,
> Awaiting the sensation of a short, sharp shock,
> From a cheap and chippy chopper on a big black
> block!
> To sit in solemn silence in a dull, dark dock,
> In a pestilential prison, with a life-long lock,
> Awaiting the sensation of a short, sharp shock,
> From a cheap and chippy chopper on a big black
> block!
> A dull, dark dock, a life-long lock,
> A short, sharp shock, a big black block!
> To sit in solemn silence in a pestilential
> prison,
> And awaiting the sensation
> From a cheap and chippy chopper on a big black
> block!


That's incredible. Sums up the bowel trodden perfectly

^^^^^^^^^^^^^

I guess you could call a toilet a dull, dark dock.

That is pretty good. I have learned quite a bit from this thread.

How are everyone's bowels?

Hi Dive

I hope your bowels are ok this morning. There is dread in the air as I'm 100% certain what's brewing is going to be odd shaped and painful.

I feel as if I dropped each of those 8 ragheads from Paris with that bowel movement.

Woe to my bowels, as they look like a can of Chef Boyardee thrown on the floor.

Brown Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I feel as if I dropped each of those 8 ragheads
> from Paris with that bowel movement.
>
> Woe to my bowels, as they look like a can of Chef
> Boyardee thrown on the floor.


Not even a day after the tragedy, and you mock the innocent people of Paris.

You disgust me.

Brown Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I feel as if I dropped each of those 8 ragheads
> from Paris with that bowel movement.
>
> Woe to my bowels, as they look like a can of Chef
> Boyardee thrown on the floor.


Hang in there Brown. I had a sausage and egg breakfast that had me in and out of the can all morning. I really feel for those suffering in Paris and for people that lost loved ones yesterday. It makes my problems seem so small. I guess the only thing I can do is donate a couple hundred bucks to a legitimate charity that can provide some measure of help.
One of my kids who has visited Paris on several occasions is coming to visit and staying overnight. I worry about her all the time, she is young and successful but she thinks she knows everything and she rolls her eyes when I try to lecture her about being safe.
She wants me to make mushrooms stuffed with crab meat and bacon-cheese potato skins for dinner. Im guessing she has perfect bowels, we have never discussed the issue.

My attention is on the France threads but my hearts with you guys.

Disposable wet wipes are good for the messy ones. I think most here have big craps rather than the sloppy ones but it does with aloe get rid of associated soreness from wiping.

Any bowel friendly Christmas gift suggestions?

Diced Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Any bowel friendly Christmas gift suggestions?


That is a good question Diced. I will have to say that my toto washlet electric toilet seat is a great help to my bowel condition. That may be a little too expensive for an average gift though. I have used a couple rolls of hanebisho toilet paper and it is very nice.

http://www.ebay.com/itm/like/121741804673?ul_noapp=true&chn=ps&lpid=82

Calling in midwives. This is going to be bad.

Thought you might like to see this 3-D stool chart Brown. I wonder why the #4 #2 is missing?
Attachments:

That's great Dive!

#2 looks like a baby ruth candy bar.

as for me, too much cheese again, I think. Cheese is such my downfall sometimes.
Dive bomber, that meal you just mentioned sounds delicious. Crab stuffed mushrooms and bacon and cheese potato skins. I'm clogged up just thinking about it, though.

Observ8nsFromGroanThrone Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> #2 looks like a baby ruth candy bar.
>
> as for me, too much cheese again, I think. Cheese
> is such my downfall sometimes.
> Dive bomber, that meal you just mentioned sounds
> delicious. Crab stuffed mushrooms and bacon and
> cheese potato skins. I'm clogged up just thinking
> about it, though.

Yeah, I brush the stuffed mushrooms with warm garlic butter and sprinkle old bay on them just before they go in a 400 degree oven for 7 minutes. I cook thick sliced apple-wood smoked bacon extra crispy and fill carved out baked potato halves with the crushed and chopped bacon and shredded cheddar cheese then bake for a little bit and top them with sour cream and chives after they have cooled off somewhat. My daughter who is a bit underweight can eat and digest them with ease. The mushrooms have fiber but those skins can make my insides feel like there is a disabled mattress delivery truck with 18 flat tires in my colon.

In a battle between good and brown, to dice and crew hope to expel this and catch up with you guys in the morning.

Sour cream is my downfall since having my gallbladder taken. Dive bomber's meal sounded good until the sour cream. It makes my bowels like an engine leaking oil.

Sour cream is definitely not bowel friendly.

Just shat out a 747 sized crap, wings tail everything.

Not a good way to start the day, and now waiting for the TSA to look in the airplane hanger that used to be my rectum.

Brown Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Sour cream is definitely not bowel friendly.
>
> Just shat out a 747 sized crap, wings tail
> everything.
>
> Not a good way to start the day, and now waiting
> for the TSA to look in the airplane hanger that
> used to be my rectum.

I hope you get a body search.

Woo HOOO!!!!!!!

dropped a number 4 at 1pm. I feel good!!

dive bomber Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Woo HOOO!!!!!!!
>
> dropped a number 4 at 1pm. I feel good!!


That's fantastic dive bomber! Any pictures to show that trophy off?

The past few days my meals have consisted of tacos, chicken and rice, more chicken and veggies, spaghetti with ground beef, all washed down with copious amounts of liquor. My BM's have charted 1-7 on the Bristol Guide, and I think I may have added an 8 and 9. My bunghole feels like a chewed up piece of bubblegum. I hope everyone else is doing OK.

Diced Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Any bowel friendly Christmas gift suggestions?


Growing up, we had a few Italian prune trees in our yard. My mom used to put the prunes in the dehydrator and give them away as Christmas gifts. Our friends were excited to receive prunes for Christmas, especially the older folks.