Brown Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I have this awful rumbling sound from my innards.
> It's probably from my doctors beefy prodding
> fingers rooting around my ass looking for truffles


You are doing a disservice to the public. Absolutely irresponsible, and you know that while some procedures are a bit uncomfortable, they can be life saving and lead to great changes. You make a visit to a GI sound like some sort of witch doctor, which is not the case, as your slanderous write ups become more outlandish than previous ones.

Anon doc. Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Brown Onion Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > I have this awful rumbling sound from my
> innards.
> > It's probably from my doctors beefy prodding
> > fingers rooting around my ass looking for
> truffles
>
>
> You are doing a disservice to the public.
> Absolutely irresponsible, and you know that while
> some procedures are a bit uncomfortable, they can
> be life saving and lead to great changes. You make
> a visit to a GI sound like some sort of witch
> doctor, which is not the case, as your slanderous
> write ups become more outlandish than previous
> ones.


How's your Pulp Fiction set up you asshole?

what is everyones thoughts on anal douching ?
Attachments:

Never heard of anal douching but curious if that would diminish car sized shits sitting in the colon.

i use one to clean out for a fresh feeling. but be careful using it too often it washes out the good bacteria

Can it be done WITHOUT the giant dildo?

owchy Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Can it be done WITHOUT the giant dildo?


yes there are many models. google up shower shot

owchy Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Can it be done WITHOUT the giant dildo?


Nothing should go in, only out of your rectum.

Anon doc. Wrote:

>
> You are doing a disservice to the public.
> Absolutely irresponsible, and you know that while
> some procedures are a bit uncomfortable, they can
> be life saving and lead to great changes. You make
> a visit to a GI sound like some sort of witch
> doctor, which is not the case, as your slanderous
> write ups become more outlandish than previous
> ones.

ANON DOC TALKING OUT OF HIS OWN ASS AGAIN...putting people down. If you don't like it, stay the hell away. If people want your advice they'd ask for it ... or after reading your posts, maybe not.

Have a Burger King Whopper and shut the heck up.

Thank you supporter, as anon Dick should have one, but that would be below his expensive taste. I wonder how he likes filet mignon with his stinky fingers.

Well this morning the groan throne is very cold. I've been on it awhile, finished breakfast while watching the news.

Does anyone know of toilet warmers? My rear end feels cold and stuck. I know a Volkswagen is enroute. That's going to lead to a sore ass but right now my rump is freezing.

The high end bidets have a warming feature, but most of them are rather slow to warm. The cool Jetstream of water feels very refreshing on a war-torn starfish, though.

Is Matilda single? I like fat angry women with bowel problems.

Supporter Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Anon doc. Wrote:
>
> >
> > You are doing a disservice to the public.
> > Absolutely irresponsible, and you know that
> while
> > some procedures are a bit uncomfortable, they
> can
> > be life saving and lead to great changes. You
> make
> > a visit to a GI sound like some sort of witch
> > doctor, which is not the case, as your
> slanderous
> > write ups become more outlandish than previous
> > ones.
>
> ANON DOC TALKING OUT OF HIS OWN ASS
> AGAIN...putting people down. If you don't like it,
> stay the hell away. If people want your advice
> they'd ask for it ... or after reading your posts,
> maybe not.
>
> Have a Burger King Whopper and shut the heck up.


Vulgarity will not get you far, nor will suggesting foods such as Burger King, to those who have digestive problems. Think before you write.

Anon doc is the only fucker in this thread with a clue.

Wally Joyner Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Anon doc is the only fucker in this thread with a
> clue.


Would you like his thick fingers in your rectum by any chance?

Will my bowels ever get better Brown? I had Weenie Beanie hotdogs today, with cheese fries and I'm afraid that they might never recover. Its been a long day as the chili came back later, although a bit more smelly.

Diced,

Most people would be okay with the fine food from such a fancy establishment, but alas our bowels aren't set up for that.

It's hard to resist the sizzle and fine smells, but unfortunately they smell worse later.

I appreciate my neighbors concern. No midwives were available to warn my neighbors, so police and paramedics showed up with clothes pins on their noses.

Hey Brown and friends. Got back from camping today, pooping in the wilderness is a strange experience especially in the middle of the night. I heard a rustle of leaves near my pooping tent and started to freak out only to find a lost hunting dog that was quite friendly. I guess he heard me howling on the portable groan throne and came to check things out. I gave him a hamburger and some water but he slept near our tent all night. This morning I called the number on his collar and got him home.

How is everyone doing on this fine holiday? I wonder how Columbus and his crew pooped at sea. Did they hang their asses over the side or did they use poop pots of some type?

Dive,

That's a mighty nice way of making a four legged friend. Who knows maybe the dog howls due to his bowels.

I'm going to research Columbus and crew, and how they did indeed crap. The ocean is my guess as well. Certainly a large groan throne.

You walk in Tysons mall, and after a day of shopping at the nearby Galleria, the ambiance and fine smells at the food court are tempting.

You unbutton the top part of your J Crew dress shirt, as your olfactory nerves go into overdrive. You don't consider how your colon will feel contending with trans fats, the boorish part of your reptilian brain doesn't care or have sympathy.

The cheese steak is phenomenal, beyond words as you lick the globs off the plate in front of you with your Twinkie fingers. The fries are immaculate as you pick up your bags, but there's a problem down below in your plumbing.

You betrayed your bowels, and now it's their turn. The sweat on your forehead, gait changing you shuffle to a mall groan throne. With bags in toe you are treated to howls, pain, gritting teeth, and inconsiderate people complaining of a stinky bathroom.

Remember the old tysons mall in the 80s? There was Orange julius and Lums among others. Not much in the way of bowel friendly fare.

Yes Dive, those were bowel abhorrent.

How are your bowels? My sister Matilda and I have guests over for lunch, we are certainly going to discuss ours.

People have cancer heart problems and you bitch about sore asses.

My bowel movements are usually ok but geez. Let the guys vent. No harm in that.

Miscavage Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> My bowel movements are usually ok but geez. Let
> the guys vent. No harm in that.


Thank you Miscavage you are a bowel buddy!

Here's a helpful diagram of your bowels
Attachments:

Ever try a bumper onion?

Bumper fan Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Ever try a bumper onion?


That's gross. Plus a clothes spin for the poor woman.

Just got to work and there is already a payload knocking on the bombay doors. Time for my walk of shame down the fire stairs to the 3rd floor mens room. My co-workers have basicly banned me from the 5th floor mens room.

Dive it's a shame but that sounds like workplace discrimination.

#brownlivesmatter

You walk in that Italian restaurant with lady in tow, and the Guido at the front, asks you if you'd like a table. "No, I'd like to sit on the floor."

This wop brings you to your table, provides the wine glasses, and you drink fine wines from the fields of Tuscany. You are feeling pretty good, the smells from the kitchen add to the ambiance, and your delicious lasagna is multi layered with cheeses from all over the world.

Unfortunately there's some rumbling down below. You feel a giant boulder moving at ludicrous speed towards your rectum, and despite your lady's beautiful eyes, she notices you grimace and move around the seat with discomfort. If she's sensitive she might understand, but more likely than not, she'll ask sarcastically "are you okay or what?"

You flee to the bathroom, where fellow diners wear clothes pins on their noses, oxygen masks, and talk about how nasty of an animal you are. At the tables, people wonder if a crime scene is going on, with all of the teeth mashing and screaming that takes place, and don't be surprised if an officer is at your stall to check on your welfare.

Its embarrassing and your date leaves you with nothing but a check and a sore ass.

Brown Onion, are there any IBS dating posts?

Brown Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> You walk in that Italian restaurant with lady in
> tow, and the Guido at the front, asks you if you'd
> like a table. "No, I'd like to sit on the floor."
>
> This wop brings you to your table, provides the
> wine glasses, and you drink fine wines from the
> fields of Tuscany. You are feeling pretty good,
> the smells from the kitchen add to the ambiance,
> and your delicious lasagna is multi layered with
> cheeses from all over the world.
>
> Unfortunately there's some rumbling down below.
> You feel a giant boulder moving at ludicrous speed
> towards your rectum, and despite your lady's
> beautiful eyes, she notices you grimace and move
> around the seat with discomfort. If she's
> sensitive she might understand, but more likely
> than not, she'll ask sarcastically "are you okay
> or what?"
>
> You flee to the bathroom, where fellow diners wear
> clothes pins on their noses, oxygen masks, and
> talk about how nasty of an animal you are. At the
> tables, people wonder if a crime scene is going
> on, with all of the teeth mashing and screaming
> that takes place, and don't be surprised if an
> officer is at your stall to check on your
> welfare.
>
> Its embarrassing and your date leaves you with
> nothing but a check and a sore ass.


That is a moving, stirring, poignant story Brown. Although I do not suffer bowel trouble to the point that you do I have had similar brown experiences in my life. You are a gifted storyteller.

Miscavage I would love to meet a woman with IBS.

Thank you Dive. Our stories must be shared.

Midwives called in. Apologies in advance of blood curling screams.

The building maintenance staff here at work are giving me strange looks. They are pretty sure I am to blame for the clogged crapper in the 3rd floor mens room yesterday. They have probably reviewed the security video by now. I tried the double flush method.

That's the horrors of IBS dive bomber. Even maintenance people, or those with CCTV mock us from comfortable quarters, while we are spending hours on the groan throne.

I'm still working on this one. Its hurting badly. Midwives have been very helpful, and I appreciate them, but this is going to be a long protacted long battle.

I sit here relieved, with a crash cart that includes an oxygen mask, a nurse brought in, and a sitz bath probably in an hour or so.

No one should have to hoist out a pick up truck from their rectum. Its just not right, and all I'm left with is a sore ass, and who knows how much this shit is going to cost.

Hey there brownie and company. 5am guy checking in a little early tonight. I found this article about a guy that gets a week in jail for having a poop problem. The story is a couple of years old so youse all may have seen it alreadys.

http://www.salon.com/2013/07/26/found_guilty_of_the_worst_bowel_movement_ever/


Just remember that when you all are snug in your beds at night 5am guy is on the job. There is a strange culture to those of us who have chosen the flip side of life. Most of us lifetime graveyard shift workers are frickin INSANE!!!!

That is fecally fascinating Mr 5 am.

I might share that with my sister Matilda today. I actually believe this poor man and his not so good bowels. I wonder if Amnesty International could have stepped in this crappy case.

These are the days winter seems to be approaching. I left my groan throne temporarily, much like how a bear gets an extra bite of food during hibernation. It's amazing my bowels are being cooperative, but I know only a temporary reprieve I am thankful to get supplies.

Lamar Odom's head is quite large.

More later.

5am guy checking in here. Do you guys ever listen to music while dumping? I do it all the time at about 4 am. Tonight I am listening to this,

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sEDw9xgSmSc

My the long brown path lead you all to Nirvana!

Hi fellow poopsters,

New guy here. They call me Dumper. I am known in my small circle as the guy who clogs the groan throne with extraordinarily huge turds. We're talking above the rim ploppers. The kind that every day coat hangers can't break up.
I usually drop 3 deuces a day. The 3rd more often than not is a green oily mess of diareaha and small piece of whatever I ate for lunch. It is this 3rd one that most offends the sense of smell.
I enjoy reading about everyone's diestive adventures here and hope to be a part of this shitty community.

Regards,
Dumper

Beautiful 5 am. Quite often I listen to Liberace as that seems to help my bowels open up faster.

Dumper you are lucky a coat hanger works for you. How do you transport it along with getting rid of potential bacteria?

I use a machete

Today I am the proud father of a #4 #2. The birth went well and I feel like a new man.

Brown Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Beautiful 5 am. Quite often I listen to Liberace
> as that seems to help my bowels open up faster.
>
> Dumper you are lucky a coat hanger works for you.
> How do you transport it along with getting rid of
> potential bacteria?
>
> I use a machete


I only use it at home. If I violate someone elses throne, I disregard the finished product.

That's a big shitvbrown

Brown Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Beautiful 5 am. Quite often I listen to Liberace
> as that seems to help my bowels open up faster.
>
> Dumper you are lucky a coat hanger works for you.
> How do you transport it along with getting rid of
> potential bacteria?
>
> I use a machete


Someone of your lack of intelligence and maturity, does not listen to Liberace.

Asshole. You are such a pompous one anon doc. Why not let these people vent, let and let live maybe? You don't do any favors to your profession and probably people looking at your posts are thinking maybe I shouldn't get something checked out if treated to your rudeness. You are a fucking son of a bitch!

Thank you supporter as anon dick is an asshole.

I sit here this morning with an ice bag on my rectum. Church can't do it today.

Brown Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Thank you supporter as anon dick is an asshole.
>
> I sit here this morning with an ice bag on my
> rectum. Church can't do it today.


Hang in there brown. You can go to church anytime from the comfort of home at http://www.virtualchurch.com/start.html

Thank you Dive. Very kind of you, as who knew I could sing Rock of Ages on the groan throne.

How are your bowels?

Brown Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Thank you Dive. Very kind of you, as who knew I
> could sing Rock of Ages on the groan throne.
>
> How are your bowels?


You know brown I had the perfect #4 yesterday but today I have had 3 rounds of after coffee diarrhea so far this morning. Maybe the two McDoubles and medium fry plus a six pack of bud lights I had for dinner last night is the cause of my morning issues.

That sounds painful Dive. I wish your bowels a #4 #2.

No runs or dropping air craft carrier anchors.

Supporter Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Asshole. You are such a pompous one anon doc. Why
> not let these people vent, let and let live maybe?
> You don't do any favors to your profession and
> probably people looking at your posts are thinking
> maybe I shouldn't get something checked out if
> treated to your rudeness. You are a fucking son of
> a bitch!


Such a filthy mouth you have. Devry or ITT?

Breaking news!
Attachments:

Diced,

It wouldn't surprise me if anon dick.

When I'm sprawled out on that cold metal table, there's no flowers and a card, only thick fingers rooting around my rear end with aloof indifference.

Last night I had to be my sister's helper. Matilda woke up sweating in the guest room, screaming about having to take a dump. I hoisted her on my shoulders, put her on the groan throne, and heard what appeared to be a war of the worlds going on. Its bad hearing screams, but when they are from your sister, you realize the pain IBS causes families across the fruited plains.

She finally was able to pass a large crap, but she looks like a meth addict this morning, as she's sweaty and stinking up the house. She has my sympathy as its not her fault, but her sweatshirt looks like the sweaty one Rocky ran in the movie. That bowel movement was horrendous, and it took the wind out of her, much like that boxer in Fairfax who's got some brain issues now.

Its time for a real cure for IBS.

Took Matilda to the doctor. Sat outside, it sounded as if that awful scene from Pulp Fiction was going on. Its unreal what those of us who have IBS contend with. Boulder sized shits and going to the docs to be sodomized.

http://wtop.com/health/2015/10/much-know-poop-really-full/

you all shouldlike this

I saw that too and was about to post it here.

"Other myths, according to Prevention:
There’s a perfect form and shape for a stool;"

"watch the color — an occasional reflection of what you’ve been eating is OK, but white, clay-colored or (Staller swears it exists) silver poop mean serious trouble."

So my dog once had silver poops as a result of eating aluminum foil that was wrapped around some meat he got out of the garbage. How the hell would a human get silver poops?

Ate a Halloween whopper last night. Looking forward to green poop.

5 am guy Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Ate a Halloween whopper last night. Looking
> forward to green poop.


Let me know how long it takes. Was it good?

pooper Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I saw that too and was about to post it here.
>
> "Other myths, according to Prevention:
> There’s a perfect form and shape for a stool;"
>
> "watch the color — an occasional reflection of
> what you’ve been eating is OK, but white,
> clay-colored or (Staller swears it exists) silver
> poop mean serious trouble."
>
> So my dog once had silver poops as a result of
> eating aluminum foil that was wrapped around some
> meat he got out of the garbage. How the hell
> would a human get silver poops?


That's fascinating, was the tin foil still able to be used for lunch meats?

I'm not sure how a silver shit is possible, but wondering if it has enough silver to convert it into investment purposes. Aside from the smell, it can be cleaned.

Bet you are thinking about Halloween right now, as the rugrats are sure to be at your door step in the coming weeks. The candy bowl is dusted off from last year, as you put in bunches of Snickers, Milky Ways, and Kit Kats.

They smell so good. Even with the wrapper on, the aroma permeates the room. Your olfactory nerves tempt you, but please don't do it. I plan on giving out IBS handbooks this year, and hope that kids and their parents will enjoy it, along with the Bristol Stool Guide.

While little Johnny and Susan are crapping themselves, at least they'll have some good reading material.

It's off to the loo with stinky pool. A hazmat team is being called.

Brown Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Bet you are thinking about Halloween right now, as
> the rugrats are sure to be at your door step in
> the coming weeks. The candy bowl is dusted off
> from last year, as you put in bunches of Snickers,
> Milky Ways, and Kit Kats.
>
> They smell so good. Even with the wrapper on, the
> aroma permeates the room. Your olfactory nerves
> tempt you, but please don't do it. I plan on
> giving out IBS handbooks this year, and hope that
> kids and their parents will enjoy it, along with
> the Bristol Stool Guide.
>
> While little Johnny and Susan are crapping
> themselves, at least they'll have some good
> reading material.


I know your heart is in the right place Brown but those kids might vandalize your home or vehicle if you pass out books. Maybe you could tape a couple fun size three musketeers to each book.
The wife and I have discovered over the years that the most loved Halloween candy in our hood is Reese's Pieces and we give each kid a full size bag like you would get from a vending machine. We usually get 30 to 40 trick or treaters at the door. Seems like most kids that age have a trouble free digestive system.

Dive,

You are very generous and I hope both you and your wives bowels aren't tempted, as those can cause plumbing problems.

The kids and hopefully their parents read about IBS, the Bristol Stool Guide together. I hope maybe after the kids crap themselves, although you are right their bowels haven't betrayed them yet, that it will plant a seed. Kind of a gentle reminder.

I've got the materials in zip loc style bags, with jars of castor oil. They will be happy but I hope they vandalise my neighbors house. He always calls police and EMS to my house. It's embarrassing and I'm tired of paramedics with clothes pins on their noses who carry Vicks vapor rubs.

Brown Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Dive,
>
> You are very generous and I hope both you and your
> wives bowels aren't tempted, as those can cause
> plumbing problems.
>
> The kids and hopefully their parents read about
> IBS, the Bristol Stool Guide together. I hope
> maybe after the kids crap themselves, although you
> are right their bowels haven't betrayed them yet,
> that it will plant a seed. Kind of a gentle
> reminder.
>
> I've got the materials in zip loc style bags, with
> jars of castor oil. They will be happy but I hope
> they vandalise my neighbors house. He always calls
> police and EMS to my house. It's embarrassing and
> I'm tired of paramedics with clothes pins on their
> noses who carry Vicks vapor rubs.

I'm sure you are very popular in your neighborhood, thankfully far away from mine. Absolutely stupid.

Another bunch of prune juice great results. Twice a day perfect

To the people who use the Manassas Sheetz or have to clean up that 8 lb brown baby with the placenta, I apologize. The snide remarks weren't appreciated.

The coyote you thought you heard wasn't.

5 am guy Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Ate a Halloween whopper last night. Looking
> forward to green poop.


Any results yet 5 am?

Great. Off to the hospital. Lots of doctors and nurses with clothes pins on their noses.

You'd hardly think that something as random as a bowel movement could be interesting, must less fascinating, certainly not epic. But who'd a thunk it could actually be seasonally appropriate?

Anyone who has followed this thread is familiar with the great lengths some of us go to just to have an elimination that isn't akin to a crucifixion.

My own latest college try for a less than agonizing scat splat involved carrot juice, a substance that has provided success, albeit limited, in the past.

Sometimes recycling remedies brings some limited relief, and I figured it was time to once again try some fresh juiced carrots, and copious amounts to boot.

Well, it didn't yield the comforting results I had hoped for, but after putting my Schphinkter through the weekly gauntlet, the object that finally cascaded from my beleaguered anus was indeed a sight.


Behind tear clouded eyes, I beheld a stool of not only perfect pumpkin like size and symmetry , but of beta carotene addled orange color.

This was undoubtedly the most bizarre turd since the giant Easter egg shaped virgin birth I hatched last April.

Looking forward to Thanksgiving , Christmas and New Years, but if my colon continues to follow this trend, I shudder to think how painful a pine tree shaped shit will be.

Will the giant ball in Times Square be the only gargantuan dropping at 12 midnight 2016?

Sorry your bowels aren't moving well. I'm old and use prune juice daily. Hope this helps.

User name BEH,

Not so pleased to see your return, as your immature write ups know no bounds.

Hey Anon Doc.

Still waiting for your reply from my post on Sept. 30.

>> User name Deadly Combo,
>>
>> Please stic to proper IBS forums.

> Feel free to recommend some and post their links.

You never did post any links. Please select the reason below:

1) Missed my reply post.
2) Ignored my reply post.
3) You don't have any links to share.

Deadly, anon doc is a worthless quack. He's done nothing but show his arrogance. He's such a piece of garbage. All he's done is be condescending to everyone here.

Supporter Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Deadly, anon doc is a worthless quack. He's done
> nothing but show his arrogance. He's such a piece
> of garbage. All he's done is be condescending to
> everyone here.

In general, I agree; but I'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt.

I really have no dog in this fight, as my bowels are just fine, but I do have sympathy for the sufferers here.

Deadly combo Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Supporter Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > Deadly, anon doc is a worthless quack. He's
> done
> > nothing but show his arrogance. He's such a
> piece
> > of garbage. All he's done is be condescending
> to
> > everyone here.
>
> In general, I agree; but I'm trying to give him
> the benefit of the doubt.
>
> I really have no dog in this fight, as my bowels
> are just fine, but I do have sympathy for the
> sufferers here.

Ok as all he's shown in contempt. If you go back and see how you treated Gordo it's just he irritates me.

I agree. I've read the thread from the beginning, and he certainly needs to lighten up a bit. Some people have medical issues that are difficult to treat, no matter what your specialty is.

Anon Doctor is a complete shit. Fuck that guy

Diced Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Anon Doctor is a complete shit. Fuck that guy


BEH and your scat lovers roll around in shit. Fuck you!

Diced Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Anon Doctor is a complete shit. Fuck that guy

I guess you learned nothing at Strayer, other than how to use vulgar language. It would behoove you to grow up. Just like the other animals here, I'd strongly recommend a bar of soap and a psychiatrist.

I still have not heard any feedback negative or positive about the prune juice. Its great being able to produce bowel movements that are perfect, even for my near 70 year old rear end. Its with kindness, that I hope Brown Onion is alright.

Oldefarte 68 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I still have not heard any feedback negative or
> positive about the prune juice. Its great being
> able to produce bowel movements that are perfect,
> even for my near 70 year old rear end. Its with
> kindness, that I hope Brown Onion is alright.


Maybe he ate it. If so good riddance.

I had the chance to talk to a husband and wife who make their living driving a tractor-trailer all over the US and Canada. They have a groan throne in their truck with them! They said that many truckstops have dump stations where they drain their shit tanks and refill with fresh water.
It's funny to think that someone could be taking a dump right next to you on the interstate highway.

Brown, are you back and brown yet?

I've driven years looking for those dump stations. Where at?

Will try to write later. A distorted colon led to an extensive hospitalization, but back to rocking the brown soon.

I am grateful that the hospital was able to fix my distorted colon, as it was very painful. Don't take your healthy bowels for granted, treat them with TLC or end up in a lot of pain. Much thanks to the docs and nurses, whom despite clothes pins on their noses, actually were much more sympathetic than usual. While they did wash their hands a lot, they showed professionalism in making sure my bowels were okay before discharging me after my major discharge.

You really don't want your bowels in a bind like this. I will later on share an experience of being in a person with IBS brown shoes, and I thank my sister Matilda for her help during this process.

I did learn that one man came in an ER with a candy cane in their ass. Its not quite the season yet, but I wonder what his farts smelled like.

Glad to hear you are doing better Brown. Have you been plagued with bowel trouble your whole life? I had better bowels when I was young and they have been giving me more and more trouble since my early 40s. I an going to be 50 soon and not looking forward to more problems.

I had Broiled mushroom caps stuffed with crab meat over the weekend and boy did they ever clean me out. I had a spring in my step this morning after dropping 4 butt bombs in the crapper yesterday.

Sitting here with an ice bag on my rear end, I am finally going to describe the horrors of IBS in the political arena. I don't think many politicians have IBS, but if they did, perhaps they'd show a bit of sympathy.

A few years ago, during a public Fairfax County Board of Supervisors meeting, I brought up the the issue of the Fairfax County Parkway's number designation. No, I didn't ask for it to be route #2.

Rather, I approached the lecturn, and the bland foods betrayed me at the worst possible time. Trying not to let the bloating get the best of me, especially while at the microphone, I shifted my legs and tried to disregard the discomfort.

Unfortunately my bowels had other plans. Chairman Bulova asked "are you okay" with a mock caring face. I replied "Yes for now," and commenced my arguments about the parkway.

Then to my horror my bowels churned up a mean brown bomb, and I had to walk with my legs crossed to the closest bathroom. Its amazing how Taj Mahal does have nice toilets, but to my horror I dropped a Chrysler Lebaron sized shit that led to profound screaming.

Officers with clothes pins on their noses did ascertain I was okay, but it was so embarrassing. People in and around the other stalls, made snide remarks about the various aromas emenating from my bowels, as that Lebaron almost got stuck in the groan throne.

As I had to use the two rolls of cheap toilet paper, I staggered out and in the hallway to citizens, thought it was funny to say "That's the stinky screamy bastard." As if my bowels didn't hurt enough, the cringe lines on my face and forehead evidence of a birth of Biblical proportions. Ever since that I've decided to watch the board meetings at home from my bathroom's television, but its a shame that my bowels have caused me not to be comfortable being an active resident anymore.

Brown Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Sitting here with an ice bag on my rear end, I am
> finally going to describe the horrors of IBS in
> the political arena. I don't think many
> politicians have IBS, but if they did, perhaps
> they'd show a bit of sympathy.
>
> A few years ago, during a public Fairfax County
> Board of Supervisors meeting, I brought up the the
> issue of the Fairfax County Parkway's number
> designation. No, I didn't ask for it to be route
> #2.
>
> Rather, I approached the lecturn, and the bland
> foods betrayed me at the worst possible time.
> Trying not to let the bloating get the best of me,
> especially while at the microphone, I shifted my
> legs and tried to disregard the discomfort.
>
> Unfortunately my bowels had other plans. Chairman
> Bulova asked "are you okay" with a mock caring
> face. I replied "Yes for now," and commenced my
> arguments about the parkway.
>
> Then to my horror my bowels churned up a mean
> brown bomb, and I had to walk with my legs crossed
> to the closest bathroom. Its amazing how Taj Mahal
> does have nice toilets, but to my horror I dropped
> a Chrysler Lebaron sized shit that led to profound
> screaming.
>
> Officers with clothes pins on their noses did
> ascertain I was okay, but it was so embarrassing.
> People in and around the other stalls, made snide
> remarks about the various aromas emenating from my
> bowels, as that Lebaron almost got stuck in the
> groan throne.
>
> As I had to use the two rolls of cheap toilet
> paper, I staggered out and in the hallway to
> citizens, thought it was funny to say "That's the
> stinky screamy bastard." As if my bowels didn't
> hurt enough, the cringe lines on my face and
> forehead evidence of a birth of Biblical
> proportions. Ever since that I've decided to watch
> the board meetings at home from my bathroom's
> television, but its a shame that my bowels have
> caused me not to be comfortable being an active
> resident anymore.


User name Brown Onion,

You are a repugnant man, and should be ashamed of yourself. Its healthier to join a support group, rather than making fun of a serious medical condition on the internet. You would be best served joining one of those, along with some counseling with a board certified psychiatrist.

Dive thank you for your kindness,and yes age is certainly age related in some regards. I'm in my late 60's, and don't have the bowels I had when I was a teenager. Drinking 6 packs of RC sodas with chili dogs, my bowels might have an accident from time to time, but now they betray me with every turn.

Anon dick, you should see a psychiatrist. You lack sympathy and any other value.

#brownmatters

Dive thank you for your kindness,and yes age is certainly age related in some regards. I'm in my late 60's, and don't have the bowels I had when I was a teenager. Drinking 6 packs of RC sodas with chili dogs, my bowels might have an accident from time to time, but now they betray me with every turn.

Anon dick, you should see a psychiatrist. You lack sympathy and any other value.

#brownmatters

I just took a fantastic dump, I doubt Picasso or Rembrant could have done better. I'm going to forward a picture of it so you can admire. You might want to frame it.

tremendous dump Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I just took a fantastic dump, I doubt Picasso or
> Rembrant could have done better. I'm going to
> forward a picture of it so you can admire. You
> might want to frame it.


You are truly blessed, and please do take a picture and post it. Not everyone can have an Italian renaissance type of #4 #2.