Off-Topic :
Fairfax Underground
Welcome to Fairfax Underground, a project site designed to improve communication among residents of Fairfax County, VA. Feel free to post anything Northern Virginia residents would find interesting.
Welcome to Fairfax Underground, a project site designed to improve communication among residents of Fairfax County, VA. Feel free to post anything Northern Virginia residents would find interesting.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: December 22, 2014 06:52AM
Dr. Stinky Fingers explains it all.
Yet he doesn't share with you, what happens at offices like his.
How would you like to be naked, except a crummy gown on a cold metal examination table?
Does it sound fun, to have a huge finger in your rectum, as a doctor talks about the Redskins or weather? No cure is here.
Yet he doesn't share with you, what happens at offices like his.
How would you like to be naked, except a crummy gown on a cold metal examination table?
Does it sound fun, to have a huge finger in your rectum, as a doctor talks about the Redskins or weather? No cure is here.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: December 22, 2014 11:48AM
It's time for families to celebrate Christmas.
Across Fairfax, actually across the fruited plains, Americans and others will be spending time with family and friends.
As you carve that garnished ham, my hope is people at the table will discuss their either impeccable or less than savory bowels.
Share tips about what has helped or not, because this malady can unite rather than divide.
Across Fairfax, actually across the fruited plains, Americans and others will be spending time with family and friends.
As you carve that garnished ham, my hope is people at the table will discuss their either impeccable or less than savory bowels.
Share tips about what has helped or not, because this malady can unite rather than divide.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: December 22, 2014 01:43PM
There are those lucky enough, to have been blessed with platinum bowels.
Some celebrities fit in this category, due to the food they can eat, along with not having to see insensitive pricks like anonymous doc.
A few include Anderson Cooper, Barry Manilow, Pope Francis, Michael Strahan, and Barbara Walters.
Some celebrities fit in this category, due to the food they can eat, along with not having to see insensitive pricks like anonymous doc.
A few include Anderson Cooper, Barry Manilow, Pope Francis, Michael Strahan, and Barbara Walters.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
BEH easy!
()
Date: December 22, 2014 02:20PM
Barbara Walters & Barry Manilow.
Look at the posts of BEH/BO
Look at the posts of BEH/BO
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: December 22, 2014 03:06PM
BEH easy! Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Barbara Walters & Barry Manilow.
>
> Look at the posts of BEH/BO
How are your bowels?
-------------------------------------------------------
> Barbara Walters & Barry Manilow.
>
> Look at the posts of BEH/BO
How are your bowels?
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Sticker fan 98
()
Date: December 22, 2014 07:33PM
This thread has gone far beyond foods. Funny but beyonder it's purpose.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: December 23, 2014 06:48AM
This is the most informative and influential thread against IBS anywhere. Stop judging and be a bowel buddy. Wear a brown armband, or write to NIH asking for more research.
Later today, I'm still recovering, will detail my sister Matilda's complaints which are trivial compared to what's left of my bruised and battered rectum.
Later today, I'm still recovering, will detail my sister Matilda's complaints which are trivial compared to what's left of my bruised and battered rectum.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Gordorsky
()
Date: December 23, 2014 12:02PM
I found working at home helpful.
Yet I hope to find a doctor who can stop this.
Slovak doctors might be able to.
Yet I hope to find a doctor who can stop this.
Slovak doctors might be able to.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
BEH
()
Date: December 23, 2014 01:52PM
Well, I just got over major bowel surgery and a subsequent infection for a life threatening intestinal blockage.
Recently began eating solid food again, and yes, still as constipated as ever.
I think I may join Gordorsky in a pilgrimage to Slovakia to seek alternitive medical treatment.
my ano recto doctor is all thumbs.
Recently began eating solid food again, and yes, still as constipated as ever.
I think I may join Gordorsky in a pilgrimage to Slovakia to seek alternitive medical treatment.
my ano recto doctor is all thumbs.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: December 23, 2014 03:55PM
Welcome back BEH, my brother in bowel, brown, and it's good to have you back.
A round of applause to you and your bowels making it through this, and although I feel as if Dasher, Prancer, and Vixen just passed through my rectum with scratching antlers, your return is a nice Christmas gift.
A round of applause to you and your bowels making it through this, and although I feel as if Dasher, Prancer, and Vixen just passed through my rectum with scratching antlers, your return is a nice Christmas gift.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: December 24, 2014 09:04AM
How do gay folks deal with bowel problems?
My sister Matilda made a rude slur earlier, stating "it's a good thing you are heterosexual, because if not your partner would be upset."
I find this pejorative.
My sister Matilda made a rude slur earlier, stating "it's a good thing you are heterosexual, because if not your partner would be upset."
I find this pejorative.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: December 24, 2014 02:04PM
The rugrats aka the grand children, have destroyed my house, more than I can the bathroom. Even on the worst of days, when my intestines are processing a Santa sized sack of shit.
I wish they could at least allow me to holler away in relative tranquility.
My rectum looks like the nose of Rudolph
I wish they could at least allow me to holler away in relative tranquility.
My rectum looks like the nose of Rudolph
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
BEH or Northman
()
Date: December 24, 2014 02:41PM
Fuck you BEH, you are an ass
Attachments:
Attachments:
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: December 25, 2014 07:51AM
Just like it's rude to clog your colon with trans fats, I will overlook this, and in the spirit of the holidays wish you a Merry Christmas. The brown smelly version.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
BEH
()
Date: December 25, 2014 12:19PM
Why are people so unhappy and hostile?
Every third day I eliminate a stool the size of Mount Rushmore, Godorsky has a ruined life from his chronic mega-squirts and Bloomy suffers more than the two of us put together.
We should be pissed off by the cruel joke nature has played on our rectums. Yet we're much less vicious than the detractors of this thread.
May I remind everyone they should not judge those with digestive issues until they've walked a mile in their poohs?
Every third day I eliminate a stool the size of Mount Rushmore, Godorsky has a ruined life from his chronic mega-squirts and Bloomy suffers more than the two of us put together.
We should be pissed off by the cruel joke nature has played on our rectums. Yet we're much less vicious than the detractors of this thread.
May I remind everyone they should not judge those with digestive issues until they've walked a mile in their poohs?
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Big Shitter
()
Date: December 25, 2014 12:24PM
BEH Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Why are people so unhappy and hostile?
>
> Every third day I eliminate a stool the size of
> Mount Rushmore, Godorsky has a ruined life from
> his chronic mega-squirts and Bloomy suffers more
> than the two of us put together.
>
> We should be pissed off by the cruel joke nature
> has played on our rectums. Yet we're much less
> vicious than the detractors of this thread.
>
> May I remind everyone they should not judge those
> with digestive issues until they've walked a mile
> in their poohs?
Ahh shut the fuck up you constipated shitface. Maybe if you didn't stuff your face with all that pie and potato chips your whole life you wouldn't have this to complain about.
No one gives a fuck. I give no fucks about your bowel problems. Stop eating bullshit and take care of yourself and shut the fuck up.
-------------------------------------------------------
> Why are people so unhappy and hostile?
>
> Every third day I eliminate a stool the size of
> Mount Rushmore, Godorsky has a ruined life from
> his chronic mega-squirts and Bloomy suffers more
> than the two of us put together.
>
> We should be pissed off by the cruel joke nature
> has played on our rectums. Yet we're much less
> vicious than the detractors of this thread.
>
> May I remind everyone they should not judge those
> with digestive issues until they've walked a mile
> in their poohs?
Ahh shut the fuck up you constipated shitface. Maybe if you didn't stuff your face with all that pie and potato chips your whole life you wouldn't have this to complain about.
No one gives a fuck. I give no fucks about your bowel problems. Stop eating bullshit and take care of yourself and shut the fuck up.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: December 25, 2014 05:18PM
You are wrong about people not caring. My sister Matilda complains a lot about the stench, and the screaming from my bathroom, yet guess whom inquires about my bowels each visit.
Others have shown compassion. My pastor has been helpful, as have other parishioners, some of whom have subpar bowels.
Fellow patients at my doctors office too.
Remember the Christmas season. You are lucky not to be spending large portions of the holidays on the groan throne.
Others have shown compassion. My pastor has been helpful, as have other parishioners, some of whom have subpar bowels.
Fellow patients at my doctors office too.
Remember the Christmas season. You are lucky not to be spending large portions of the holidays on the groan throne.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Groan Throne
()
Date: December 25, 2014 10:27PM
Blooming Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> You are wrong about people not caring. My sister
> Matilda complains a lot about the stench, and the
> screaming from my bathroom, yet guess whom
> inquires about my bowels each visit.
>
> Others have shown compassion. My pastor has been
> helpful, as have other parishioners, some of
> whom have subpar bowels.
>
> Fellow patients at my doctors office too.
>
> Remember the Christmas season. You are lucky not
> to be spending large portions of the holidays on
> the groan throne.
As much as I give you shit (sadly, not literally), you are one funny motherfucker.
-------------------------------------------------------
> You are wrong about people not caring. My sister
> Matilda complains a lot about the stench, and the
> screaming from my bathroom, yet guess whom
> inquires about my bowels each visit.
>
> Others have shown compassion. My pastor has been
> helpful, as have other parishioners, some of
> whom have subpar bowels.
>
> Fellow patients at my doctors office too.
>
> Remember the Christmas season. You are lucky not
> to be spending large portions of the holidays on
> the groan throne.
As much as I give you shit (sadly, not literally), you are one funny motherfucker.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: December 26, 2014 07:32AM
Is it too much, to ask you to wear a brown arm band?
There are millions of us in brown, not just the folks at UPS. They would be an excellent IBS sponsor, although their movements are a lot less painful.
After Christmas dinner, my rectum looks like an Andy Warhol modern art piece.
There are millions of us in brown, not just the folks at UPS. They would be an excellent IBS sponsor, although their movements are a lot less painful.
After Christmas dinner, my rectum looks like an Andy Warhol modern art piece.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Gordorsky
()
Date: December 26, 2014 08:29AM
I'm glad to take a break. Working from home has caused lower blood pressure. I like working at home. No more rude abusive comments.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Anon Doc
()
Date: December 26, 2014 09:03AM
Gordorsky Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I'm glad to take a break. Working from home has
> caused lower blood pressure. I like working at
> home. No more rude abusive comments.
Gordon if this has been done in conjunction with a qualified GI and psychiatrist I congratulate you.
-------------------------------------------------------
> I'm glad to take a break. Working from home has
> caused lower blood pressure. I like working at
> home. No more rude abusive comments.
Gordon if this has been done in conjunction with a qualified GI and psychiatrist I congratulate you.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
BEH
()
Date: December 26, 2014 11:41AM
Anon Doc is a good example of the poor quality of health practitioners today.
The standards are lowered, but the arrogance is as profound as ever.
The standards are lowered, but the arrogance is as profound as ever.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: December 26, 2014 06:14PM
The "doctor" should be given a choice, waterboarding or walking in our brown shoes for a day.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: December 27, 2014 07:43AM
I had trouble sleeping last night, but I got a chance to review these posts on my brownberry phone.
Yes much of last night, was spent on the groan throne. I noticed that people with superior bowels, attack those of us with less than exemplary ones here.
A lot of negative words towards those of us with IBS. I don't know why this is, but after giving birth to a Jurassic Park sized crap I'm tired.
Yes much of last night, was spent on the groan throne. I noticed that people with superior bowels, attack those of us with less than exemplary ones here.
A lot of negative words towards those of us with IBS. I don't know why this is, but after giving birth to a Jurassic Park sized crap I'm tired.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Anon Doc
()
Date: December 27, 2014 09:19AM
BEH Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Anon Doc is a good example of the poor quality of
> health practitioners today.
>
> The standards are lowered, but the arrogance is as
> profound as ever.
Your write ups are obtuse, much like one would expect from Romper Room children.
I'd like to see you getting through even vocational school, before you spout off on any medically qualified board certified physician.
-------------------------------------------------------
> Anon Doc is a good example of the poor quality of
> health practitioners today.
>
> The standards are lowered, but the arrogance is as
> profound as ever.
Your write ups are obtuse, much like one would expect from Romper Room children.
I'd like to see you getting through even vocational school, before you spout off on any medically qualified board certified physician.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: December 27, 2014 10:00AM
I finally squeezed the stinky boulder through my colonic crevice.
It appears to be Anonomyous Doc, as he's a royal pain in the ass.
It appears to be Anonomyous Doc, as he's a royal pain in the ass.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Gordorsky
()
Date: December 27, 2014 12:33PM
I went to the doctors. He was a nice man but not helpful. He gave me some medicine and a pat on the shoulder. The diarrhea stays although less. I drink a lot of water. He said to do that.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Mr Brown Underwear
()
Date: December 27, 2014 01:25PM
I'd trade your complaints anytime
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: December 27, 2014 01:55PM
Gordo,
Yet your relief is what matters. This doctor must not be a GI, as the only thing "nice" about them is when they use abundant lube.
This afternoon I'll finally be alone again, as Matilda and my rugrats, will allow my screaming not a disturbance to others.
My rear end is submitting paperwork for a purple heart.
Yet your relief is what matters. This doctor must not be a GI, as the only thing "nice" about them is when they use abundant lube.
This afternoon I'll finally be alone again, as Matilda and my rugrats, will allow my screaming not a disturbance to others.
My rear end is submitting paperwork for a purple heart.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
BEH
()
Date: December 27, 2014 11:04PM
Anon Doc Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> BEH Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > Anon Doc is a good example of the poor quality
> of
> > health practitioners today.
> >
> > The standards are lowered, but the arrogance is
> as
> > profound as ever.
>
>
> Your write ups are obtuse, much like one would
> expect from Romper Room children.
>
> I'd like to see you getting through even
> vocational school, before you spout off on any
> medically qualified board certified physician.
Doctor, heal thyself, of your own abject faggotry.
-------------------------------------------------------
> BEH Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > Anon Doc is a good example of the poor quality
> of
> > health practitioners today.
> >
> > The standards are lowered, but the arrogance is
> as
> > profound as ever.
>
>
> Your write ups are obtuse, much like one would
> expect from Romper Room children.
>
> I'd like to see you getting through even
> vocational school, before you spout off on any
> medically qualified board certified physician.
Doctor, heal thyself, of your own abject faggotry.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: December 28, 2014 06:48AM
I feel like what I just catapulted from my rear end, is something out of a Stephen King movie.
That was simply gigantic, smelly, and frightening more than words can do justice.
My abdomen hurts, and biting down on a fan belt helps, but it's not a cure. Just like the witch hazel.
The day of my demise, I will the Smithsonian my rectum heck entire bowels in formaldehyde.
That was simply gigantic, smelly, and frightening more than words can do justice.
My abdomen hurts, and biting down on a fan belt helps, but it's not a cure. Just like the witch hazel.
The day of my demise, I will the Smithsonian my rectum heck entire bowels in formaldehyde.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Anon Doc
()
Date: December 28, 2014 10:05AM
BEH Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Anon Doc Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > BEH Wrote:
> >
> --------------------------------------------------
>
> > -----
> > > Anon Doc is a good example of the poor
> quality
> > of
> > > health practitioners today.
> > >
> > > The standards are lowered, but the arrogance
> is
> > as
> > > profound as ever.
> >
> >
> > Your write ups are obtuse, much like one would
> > expect from Romper Room children.
> >
> > I'd like to see you getting through even
> > vocational school, before you spout off on any
> > medically qualified board certified physician.
>
> Doctor, heal thyself, of your own abject faggotry.
It would behoove you to show proper restraint, along with more appropriate decorum.
My patients suffering from IBS and other related conditions, are not supported by your immature write ups.
-------------------------------------------------------
> Anon Doc Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > BEH Wrote:
> >
> --------------------------------------------------
>
> > -----
> > > Anon Doc is a good example of the poor
> quality
> > of
> > > health practitioners today.
> > >
> > > The standards are lowered, but the arrogance
> is
> > as
> > > profound as ever.
> >
> >
> > Your write ups are obtuse, much like one would
> > expect from Romper Room children.
> >
> > I'd like to see you getting through even
> > vocational school, before you spout off on any
> > medically qualified board certified physician.
>
> Doctor, heal thyself, of your own abject faggotry.
It would behoove you to show proper restraint, along with more appropriate decorum.
My patients suffering from IBS and other related conditions, are not supported by your immature write ups.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
BEH
()
Date: December 28, 2014 10:59AM
Yeah, any "doctor" you talk to is so much better at blowing their own horn than the care of their patients. To hear them talk, they're devoted professionals with nothing but the best intentions for their patients.
The reality is, of course, arrogance, indifference, cold hands and long ,thick, untrimmed thumbs.
And the egomaniacal'Anon Croc' proves my point with every post he makes.
The reality is, of course, arrogance, indifference, cold hands and long ,thick, untrimmed thumbs.
And the egomaniacal'Anon Croc' proves my point with every post he makes.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: December 28, 2014 12:30PM
The doctor does seem a lot like mine. I agree with beh, as mine has huge fingers, but doesn't have the courtesy to trim his nails.
His sports talk banter plus rooting around my ass if looking for a truffle, it's a painful humiliating experience.
For those with golden bowels, consider your self blessed.
His sports talk banter plus rooting around my ass if looking for a truffle, it's a painful humiliating experience.
For those with golden bowels, consider your self blessed.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
BEH or Northman
()
Date: December 28, 2014 12:53PM
Beh mysteriously appears, I told you so him and Onion are one & the same.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
BEH
()
Date: December 28, 2014 01:38PM
BEH or Northman Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Beh mysteriously appears, I told you so him and
> Onion are one & the same.
Ok, since you're so smart, tell me, what can I do about this cinderblock gumming up my colon?
-------------------------------------------------------
> Beh mysteriously appears, I told you so him and
> Onion are one & the same.
Ok, since you're so smart, tell me, what can I do about this cinderblock gumming up my colon?
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: December 28, 2014 08:23PM
Those with superior bowels and their inferiority complex.
Dear Discovery Network, I've just passed the wooly mammoth you've been looking for.
The son of a bitch is ripe.
Dear Discovery Network, I've just passed the wooly mammoth you've been looking for.
The son of a bitch is ripe.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: December 29, 2014 08:25AM
Matilda and the rug rats, be glad you are out of the house.
Last night I crapped out a Shaquille O'Neal sized Dinty Moore beef stew looking brick.
The sweating, screaming and knee buckling only brought only a brown streak in the commode for my efforts.
Last night I crapped out a Shaquille O'Neal sized Dinty Moore beef stew looking brick.
The sweating, screaming and knee buckling only brought only a brown streak in the commode for my efforts.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Gordorsky
()
Date: December 29, 2014 09:10AM
Does anyone know a car cleaning company that goes to your house?
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: December 29, 2014 04:32PM
Gordo I think Merry Maids might offer that. Or if a maid cleans your house, throw her a clean fifty to hook up your jalopy.
I think there is going to be pain tonight. No guts no glory, I'm not so sure about that.
It feels like a bowling ball is in my belly.
I think there is going to be pain tonight. No guts no glory, I'm not so sure about that.
It feels like a bowling ball is in my belly.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Mr Brown Underwear
()
Date: December 29, 2014 04:48PM
Yet you are continent
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: December 30, 2014 07:24AM
Brown, if it makes you feel better, I had to contend with Atila the Hun and Ghenghis Khan fighting in my intestines all night.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: December 30, 2014 04:11PM
I surmise that Maryland Governor Elect Larry Hogan has IBS.
If so this makes his victory over Anthony Brown even more impressive.
I hope if his bowels have problems, he will discuss this publicly.
If so this makes his victory over Anthony Brown even more impressive.
I hope if his bowels have problems, he will discuss this publicly.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Anon Doc
()
Date: December 30, 2014 05:28PM
Blooming Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I surmise that Maryland Governor Elect Larry Hogan
> has IBS.
>
> If so this makes his victory over Anthony Brown
> even more impressive.
>
> I hope if his bowels have problems, he will
> discuss this publicly.
I hope Mr. Hogan sues you for libel.
-------------------------------------------------------
> I surmise that Maryland Governor Elect Larry Hogan
> has IBS.
>
> If so this makes his victory over Anthony Brown
> even more impressive.
>
> I hope if his bowels have problems, he will
> discuss this publicly.
I hope Mr. Hogan sues you for libel.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: December 31, 2014 07:24AM
How are your fingers and bowels doc?
I guess being a bottom feeder in the medical profession, has made you the sadist you are.
No wonder some animals eat their young.
I guess being a bottom feeder in the medical profession, has made you the sadist you are.
No wonder some animals eat their young.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Miscavage
()
Date: December 31, 2014 08:39AM
I don't think this "doc" is one. Probably a troll pulling your leg. Plus not all doctors can be that bad.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: December 31, 2014 10:53AM
If he's an imposter Cave, hes been around ass doctors.
I think he's for real. His attitude and lack of empathy, resemble what I get going to the anal doctor.
This one isn't mine, as he talks about the Nationals while rooting around in my ass on a cold metallic table.
I think he's for real. His attitude and lack of empathy, resemble what I get going to the anal doctor.
This one isn't mine, as he talks about the Nationals while rooting around in my ass on a cold metallic table.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: December 31, 2014 12:22PM
Does the word speculum or anoscope mean anything to you?
If those words don't make you shudder, take a look at this four inch "medical device" jammed inside my rectum.
People with bowel problems deserve better than this middle ages torture device.
To those with grade A bowels, how about a little compassion?
Attachments:
If those words don't make you shudder, take a look at this four inch "medical device" jammed inside my rectum.
People with bowel problems deserve better than this middle ages torture device.
To those with grade A bowels, how about a little compassion?
Attachments:
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Anon Doc
()
Date: December 31, 2014 04:52PM
Those medical instruments are perhaps not comfortable, but there's no pain associated with them in the care of a physician.
I think you are scaring men and women from colon cancer screenings, or if they are encountering rectal medical issues.
You should think of the consequences from your write ups.
I think you are scaring men and women from colon cancer screenings, or if they are encountering rectal medical issues.
You should think of the consequences from your write ups.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: January 01, 2015 07:55AM
Happy New Years Asshole.
These are torture devices. No pain, have you had one of these in your starfish?
These are torture devices. No pain, have you had one of these in your starfish?
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: January 01, 2015 09:15AM
I'm off the groan throne.
The rum cake and champagne, was not a good combo.
My bowels needed wd40 plus a midwife to deliver one of the first large brown babies of 2015.
I wish I had Maytag man quality bowels.
The rum cake and champagne, was not a good combo.
My bowels needed wd40 plus a midwife to deliver one of the first large brown babies of 2015.
I wish I had Maytag man quality bowels.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Eesh or Pootawn
()
Date: January 01, 2015 10:53AM
Blooming Onion=eesh or Pootawn
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
BEH
()
Date: January 01, 2015 11:32AM
Eesh or Pootawn Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Blooming Onion=eesh or Pootawn
This is a quality of life thread.
The childish speculation of who is who is not appropriate here.
If you can't share a story of a horrificly difficult elimination, or an epic embarresment caused by an uncontrollable explosion of brown, or have some helpful bowel related advice, please refrain from making insensitive remarks.
-------------------------------------------------------
> Blooming Onion=eesh or Pootawn
This is a quality of life thread.
The childish speculation of who is who is not appropriate here.
If you can't share a story of a horrificly difficult elimination, or an epic embarresment caused by an uncontrollable explosion of brown, or have some helpful bowel related advice, please refrain from making insensitive remarks.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
BEH is Eesh
()
Date: January 01, 2015 12:14PM
BEH and another one of his handles, told you so. Right here.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Gordorsky
()
Date: January 01, 2015 01:35PM
I had a awful time at a new years party. I'm embarrassed. No one will forget that. Not even in 2020 or 2040. The pants are hanging on the balcony. It's not pleasant.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: January 01, 2015 04:33PM
Gordo this time of year. It's just not easy on any of us with suspect bowels.
Our bowels don't define us as people, but as you've seen, they can leave a rather unsavory impression.
What were the food choices, and I hope you were not wearing white slacks.
Hang in there Gordo and happy new year.
Our bowels don't define us as people, but as you've seen, they can leave a rather unsavory impression.
What were the food choices, and I hope you were not wearing white slacks.
Hang in there Gordo and happy new year.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: January 02, 2015 09:38AM
Mario Cuomo died not due to heart failure, but rather due to the fetid aroma from my bathroom.
That one was not easy to push out.
That one was not easy to push out.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: January 02, 2015 03:43PM
I think my rectum deserves disability checks.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: January 03, 2015 05:20AM
My bowels need a gurney after that one.
When you wake up, and feel shooting pains in your belly, it's the stuff of horror films.
That crap destroyed my hopes and dreams. Today a lot of pain killers and witch hazel.
I wish I could trade in my digestive system for Joe Biden's gold plated bowels.
When you wake up, and feel shooting pains in your belly, it's the stuff of horror films.
That crap destroyed my hopes and dreams. Today a lot of pain killers and witch hazel.
I wish I could trade in my digestive system for Joe Biden's gold plated bowels.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
black underwearp
()
Date: January 03, 2015 06:26AM
Fuck you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: January 03, 2015 10:05AM
As usual, those with pristine bowels are the first to antagonize those with a crummy set.
This brown bullying must stop.
Your colon might be great, and I humbly congratulate anyone with bodacious bowels.
Yet for those of us with slow churning or too quick bowels, our rectums and self esteem stinks.
This brown bullying must stop.
Your colon might be great, and I humbly congratulate anyone with bodacious bowels.
Yet for those of us with slow churning or too quick bowels, our rectums and self esteem stinks.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Anon Doc
()
Date: January 03, 2015 10:49AM
Blooming Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> As usual, those with pristine bowels are the
> first to antagonize those with a crummy set.
>
> This brown bullying must stop.
>
> Your colon might be great, and I humbly
> congratulate anyone with bodacious bowels.
>
> Yet for those of us with slow churning or too
> quick bowels, our rectums and self esteem stinks.
What happened to the boy who always cried wolf?
When obtuse individuals such as yourself and Gordon continue with such polarizing write ups, it's a self fulfilled prophecy.
-------------------------------------------------------
> As usual, those with pristine bowels are the
> first to antagonize those with a crummy set.
>
> This brown bullying must stop.
>
> Your colon might be great, and I humbly
> congratulate anyone with bodacious bowels.
>
> Yet for those of us with slow churning or too
> quick bowels, our rectums and self esteem stinks.
What happened to the boy who always cried wolf?
When obtuse individuals such as yourself and Gordon continue with such polarizing write ups, it's a self fulfilled prophecy.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: January 03, 2015 12:34PM
Do you crap out fifty pound bags of concrete on a regular basis?
I think not Stinky Finger.
I think not Stinky Finger.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: January 04, 2015 07:25AM
I wish I could find something other than ghoulash for nfl playoff games.
Big Ben must have had bowel problems last night. How else could he and the Steelers lose?
I screamed last night, doubled over in pain, as I gave birth without an epidural. A huge crap challenged both myself and the groan throne, but we emerged smelly but victorious.
Big Ben must have had bowel problems last night. How else could he and the Steelers lose?
I screamed last night, doubled over in pain, as I gave birth without an epidural. A huge crap challenged both myself and the groan throne, but we emerged smelly but victorious.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Anon Doc
()
Date: January 04, 2015 10:14AM
I swear you are the most immature write up person here. The sad part is some write ups have value, while yours are completely the opposite.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: January 04, 2015 03:51PM
I just finished pushing anon doc through my intestines.
A lot of solid waste.
A lot of solid waste.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Fat load
()
Date: January 04, 2015 04:06PM
Blooming Onion, I need your advice. Next monday I am getting a colonoscopy. Should I eat light a few days before I start drinking that terrible cleanser stuff or should I eat like a pig at Golden Coral to enjoy blowing it out my ass? I value your opinion man.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: January 05, 2015 07:20AM
Dear Fat,
If Anon Doc hit up Golden Corral, followed up by globs of soft serve ice cream.
I'm sorry you have to have your bowels invaded temporarily, but for your colons health, it's the best thing.
You'll be given a medicine that Bill Cosby had, so you won't remember the bowel disruption and savagery.
Eat light. Here's to a successful visit and your bowels getting a good bill of health.
If Anon Doc hit up Golden Corral, followed up by globs of soft serve ice cream.
I'm sorry you have to have your bowels invaded temporarily, but for your colons health, it's the best thing.
You'll be given a medicine that Bill Cosby had, so you won't remember the bowel disruption and savagery.
Eat light. Here's to a successful visit and your bowels getting a good bill of health.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: January 05, 2015 01:49PM
My bowels survived, but it looks like the battle of Antietam took place.
General McClellan had IBS, so my civil war analogy serves a purpose.
My butt hurts. The cramping caused severe abdominal pains. I wish I could enjoy a normal crap.
General McClellan had IBS, so my civil war analogy serves a purpose.
My butt hurts. The cramping caused severe abdominal pains. I wish I could enjoy a normal crap.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: January 05, 2015 02:51PM
For those confused with bowel movements, it's my hope these images will help.
Attachments:
Attachments:
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: January 05, 2015 02:52PM
Brown awareness
Attachments:
Attachments:
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: January 05, 2015 02:53PM
Anothere example
Attachments:
Attachments:
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: January 05, 2015 02:53PM
Here
Attachments:
Attachments:
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: January 05, 2015 04:39PM
I forgot.
What do these three have in common?
Attachments:
What do these three have in common?
Attachments:
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
point made Michelle my belle
()
Date: January 05, 2015 04:53PM
Okay first lady, enough!
Everyone knows if you eat bad foods your body won't like it. Duh, eat fruits vegetables and grow up!
Everyone knows if you eat bad foods your body won't like it. Duh, eat fruits vegetables and grow up!
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: January 06, 2015 07:22AM
I wonder if the school superintendent is having bowel problems this morning.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: January 06, 2015 08:33AM
It would not be polite, but I am tempted to release a giant stinky brown heap outside.
My rear end has plans. This is for certain, as I feel a Freudian like compulsion to defecate.
Yellow snow might be the huskies, but this mound might be confused for a bear dropping.
Attachments:
My rear end has plans. This is for certain, as I feel a Freudian like compulsion to defecate.
Yellow snow might be the huskies, but this mound might be confused for a bear dropping.
Attachments:
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: January 06, 2015 09:56AM
Amazon is IBS friendly.
Attachments:
Attachments:
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: January 06, 2015 11:20AM
My clock is being shipped from Amazon prime.
Now I can look at the time and Bristol Stool Guide from the groan throne, as my forehead arteries bulge out and my face contorts in unnatural positions.
People are complaining about being pained by the traffic. I'd trade with you anyday.
Now I can look at the time and Bristol Stool Guide from the groan throne, as my forehead arteries bulge out and my face contorts in unnatural positions.
People are complaining about being pained by the traffic. I'd trade with you anyday.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Mr Brown Underwear
()
Date: January 06, 2015 11:40AM
At least you have control of it. Asshole.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: January 06, 2015 03:46PM
Is there anything that will placate you Mr Brown?
If it makes you feel better, I just shit out a tour bus.
If it makes you feel better, I just shit out a tour bus.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
sliced onion
()
Date: January 06, 2015 03:51PM
Blooming Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Is there anything that will placate you Mr Brown?
>
>
> If it makes you feel better, I just shit out a
> tour bus.
Hey Blooming Onion, I like your style and things that I have learned in this thread have actually improved my life! I just wanted to say thanks!
-------------------------------------------------------
> Is there anything that will placate you Mr Brown?
>
>
> If it makes you feel better, I just shit out a
> tour bus.
Hey Blooming Onion, I like your style and things that I have learned in this thread have actually improved my life! I just wanted to say thanks!
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: January 06, 2015 04:55PM
Thank you sliced onion, for realizing and really reaping the rewards of knowing your bowels. If I may be so bold and brown for that natter, could you discuss your bowels, along with food choices that make your bowels happy or in a sulky mood.
It's up to each and everyone of us. I hope eventually there will be no stigma about discussing ones bowels on a flight, at work, or even the dinner table.
It's up to each and everyone of us. I hope eventually there will be no stigma about discussing ones bowels on a flight, at work, or even the dinner table.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: January 06, 2015 04:57PM
I forgot, you can order this on amazon too. Great conversation piece.
Attachments:
Attachments:
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
sliced onion
()
Date: January 07, 2015 05:08AM
Blooming Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Thank you sliced onion, for realizing and really
> reaping the rewards of knowing your bowels. If I
> may be so bold and brown for that natter, could
> you discuss your bowels, along with food choices
> that make your bowels happy or in a sulky mood.
>
> It's up to each and everyone of us. I hope
> eventually there will be no stigma about
> discussing ones bowels on a flight, at work, or
> even the dinner table.
Oatmeal in the morning 6 inch subway for lunch and hamburger helper for dinner seems to dole out a #3 every time.
Substitute shake n bake chicken for HH and we are talking a #4.
Thanks again for your service to the community BO.
-------------------------------------------------------
> Thank you sliced onion, for realizing and really
> reaping the rewards of knowing your bowels. If I
> may be so bold and brown for that natter, could
> you discuss your bowels, along with food choices
> that make your bowels happy or in a sulky mood.
>
> It's up to each and everyone of us. I hope
> eventually there will be no stigma about
> discussing ones bowels on a flight, at work, or
> even the dinner table.
Oatmeal in the morning 6 inch subway for lunch and hamburger helper for dinner seems to dole out a #3 every time.
Substitute shake n bake chicken for HH and we are talking a #4.
Thanks again for your service to the community BO.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: January 07, 2015 07:37AM
My goodness Sliced Onion, that Hamburger Helper is a potential bowel buster.
Cousin Eddie might have used it in the first Lampoon Vacation. Yet do you remember when the Griswold kid inquired about the video game Asteroids? The Eddie child replied "my father has those in the bathroom. "
One would deduce hemmerhoids, but I believe Eddie had IBS.
Those foods you are eating make my bowels scream, but I appreciate your sharing how these foods pass through your upper and lower intestines.
Cousin Eddie might have used it in the first Lampoon Vacation. Yet do you remember when the Griswold kid inquired about the video game Asteroids? The Eddie child replied "my father has those in the bathroom. "
One would deduce hemmerhoids, but I believe Eddie had IBS.
Those foods you are eating make my bowels scream, but I appreciate your sharing how these foods pass through your upper and lower intestines.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Gordorsky
()
Date: January 07, 2015 09:13AM
I don't like being stuck in my house. How much do grocery delivery costs? I know Slovak or Eastern Europe food is not likely. Yet if someone knows let me know.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
sliced onion
()
Date: January 07, 2015 10:13AM
Blooming Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> My goodness Sliced Onion, that Hamburger Helper is
> a potential bowel buster.
>
> Cousin Eddie might have used it in the first
> Lampoon Vacation. Yet do you remember when the
> Griswold kid inquired about the video game
> Asteroids? The Eddie child replied "my father has
> those in the bathroom. "
>
> One would deduce hemmerhoids, but I believe Eddie
> had IBS.
>
> Those foods you are eating make my bowels scream,
> but I appreciate your sharing how these foods pass
> through your upper and lower intestines.
Picking up a six pack of hard tacos from taco bell after work today. I will chase them with three or four ice cold budweisers. Expecting a number 7 in the morning.
-------------------------------------------------------
> My goodness Sliced Onion, that Hamburger Helper is
> a potential bowel buster.
>
> Cousin Eddie might have used it in the first
> Lampoon Vacation. Yet do you remember when the
> Griswold kid inquired about the video game
> Asteroids? The Eddie child replied "my father has
> those in the bathroom. "
>
> One would deduce hemmerhoids, but I believe Eddie
> had IBS.
>
> Those foods you are eating make my bowels scream,
> but I appreciate your sharing how these foods pass
> through your upper and lower intestines.
Picking up a six pack of hard tacos from taco bell after work today. I will chase them with three or four ice cold budweisers. Expecting a number 7 in the morning.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: January 07, 2015 10:37AM
Gordo, I'm sorry brother in brown. Peapod and other delivery services are reasonable, but please lock your bathroom during deliveries and tip with a clean $10 bill.
Sliced, I respect your decision, but aren't you going to find that meal, not worth the price of admission.
I hope you don't fall that far down the stool guide
Sliced, I respect your decision, but aren't you going to find that meal, not worth the price of admission.
I hope you don't fall that far down the stool guide
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Miscavage
()
Date: January 07, 2015 12:15PM
Other than for med pros humor, I don't get the clock and coffee cup. Very odd.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Hider89
()
Date: January 07, 2015 12:57PM
Is this you Blooming
Attachments:
Attachments:
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: January 07, 2015 01:42PM
Once again those with superior God like bowels, continue to mock those of us in brown.
As if passing large objects through our intestines and rectum aren't challenging enough.
As if passing large objects through our intestines and rectum aren't challenging enough.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: January 07, 2015 05:35PM
I want to feel you from the inside out.
Those 9 Inch Nails lyrics are poignant right now, as I believe my insides look like they've been tossed through the wood chipper.
Tomorrow after delousing in witch hazel, I hope to provide a list of celebrities that have anything from the greatest bowels on earth, to some who are brewing Bilbo Baggins in their colon.
Those 9 Inch Nails lyrics are poignant right now, as I believe my insides look like they've been tossed through the wood chipper.
Tomorrow after delousing in witch hazel, I hope to provide a list of celebrities that have anything from the greatest bowels on earth, to some who are brewing Bilbo Baggins in their colon.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: January 08, 2015 07:10AM
My rear end just literally squeezed out a thousand broken CD covers.
More later, as this hurts.
More later, as this hurts.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: January 08, 2015 08:17AM
A case in exceptional bowels: Joe Biden and Vladimir Putin.
If you look at the President, you can tell from facial expressions and non verbal clues, his bowels aren't the stuff of champion's.
Yet his Veep has gold plated ones. See how comfortable he is in any situation. This is a man who swims in the nude at the NaVal Observatory, and then drops a #4 #2 each and every time.
Likewise Putin has platinum bowels. Look at his shirtless pics. Any sign of bloating? Not at all.
He can shit out an airplane or the reset button, and walk out of his Kremlin bathroom with a smile on his face.
If you look at the President, you can tell from facial expressions and non verbal clues, his bowels aren't the stuff of champion's.
Yet his Veep has gold plated ones. See how comfortable he is in any situation. This is a man who swims in the nude at the NaVal Observatory, and then drops a #4 #2 each and every time.
Likewise Putin has platinum bowels. Look at his shirtless pics. Any sign of bloating? Not at all.
He can shit out an airplane or the reset button, and walk out of his Kremlin bathroom with a smile on his face.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: January 08, 2015 09:54AM
On a trip to get oatmeal and Metamucil, my bowels froze.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Gordorsky
()
Date: January 08, 2015 10:33AM
Layers as we used to do in Slovakia.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: January 08, 2015 05:17PM
No offense Gordo but my stomach feels like the entire country of Slovakia, plus at least parts of Poland, are pushing down on my colon.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: January 08, 2015 07:29PM
My rectum looks like ghoulash.
I just put a mirror down there. The red toilet paper is picture proof, of my starfish wounds.
Witch hazel, antiseptic, and howls of pain are in the forecast.
I just put a mirror down there. The red toilet paper is picture proof, of my starfish wounds.
Witch hazel, antiseptic, and howls of pain are in the forecast.
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by:
Blooming Onion
()
Date: January 09, 2015 08:04AM
Larry King has great bowels. Look at his suspenders first of all. If he had to shit, these would interfere with that mad dash, thus resulting in crap filled chinos.
He ate at Duke Zeibrits, a restaurant known when it was in business, for its fine steaks and wine. Those of us with bad bowels couldn't keep his schedule either.
Congrats on order for Larry Kings bowels.
He ate at Duke Zeibrits, a restaurant known when it was in business, for its fine steaks and wine. Those of us with bad bowels couldn't keep his schedule either.
Congrats on order for Larry Kings bowels.