Hi Residents of Fairfax County
Its been an honor to be your head honcho, but there are more important things to consider, which is why I'm stepping down from my Executive Position of Fairfax. After spending a weekend at the showers of State College, PA, I've given it some thought, that perhaps its time to reinvigorate the Lamb Center with my type of knowledge, and make it even more of a success than it already is. Yes, the task is going to be simple, streamlined, and I hope to have maybe expert consultants, such as Gerry Connolly, to come over and implement plans that will make it even more helpful to the community than it already is. Impossible you say? Well, since I look like Coach Norv Turner, he's a distant cousin in West Virginia that might allow us to get married, look at how I don't have those pock marks. That's because I keep it real, and am going to do a fine job as the Lamb Center's Executive.
They were kind enough to offer me this assignment. At only a $250,000 a year salary plus expenses, I think that I can handle the squashing the alien rumors that aren't too out of hand, and focusing on the mission at hand. If we can land men on the moon, then this Uranus baloney that has been discussed previously, can be kept away from this site, this award winning and much loved place that Fairfax puts right on its official website. That says it all, the Lamb Center is just such a welcoming place, and many tourists have been impressed by it. Its on the Historical Landmarks Register, pretty neat. Many families have foregone going to Disney World or exotic trips to Switzerland, and stopped by the Lamb Center instead for its award winning entertainment, and street corner acts that have the Screen Writer's Guild Jealous.
Its so good to be at a position of real responsibility. The Lamb Center and if its possible to improve its community relations, that are already at an all time high, I shall. So many people approve of it, I don't think there will be much dissension about it at all. In fact, I plan on making it bigger, and the building permit red tape should not be a problem. The 7-11 next door will soon be ours, as will be the Shell Station. We have become a model program, and Harvard grads will soon come to us, to see what a proper education looks like. Until I see you down here, where I will be engaged in hands on liturgy, and trying not to matriculate in my pants, I wish you the very best.
A. Griffin
TLC
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