So the ridiculously attractive girl next door to me (who's 20x out of my league ) probably thinks I'm a creep. (Lol) For some reason, my brain fires off the most weirdest/socially awkward conversation starters known to mankind. Now, I've been off the dating scene for a while, because to make a long story short, I had 2 relationship blow up mid-flight, and I've just been like ....No. No dates, No Dinners, No Hanging out. Nothing. I'd rather be a lonely prick, than to do that again. So with that, my pick-up skills are that of a bullied, isolated, socially awkward, and ugly -13year old . Now don't worry, because I find humor in almost everything in life, so I'm sharing this real-life story in hopes that you'll get a laugh or two from my situation. So here's how it goes.
I live in Hyde Park, and I have this ridiculously gorgeous neighbor. I mean she's perfect! And from time to time we run into each other, and say a kind word or two, but lately, my brain has been firing off the most weirdest/socially awkward conversation starters known to mankind. Now I know a lot of dudes probably go through similar situations, so I'm happy I'm not alone. Then again, maybe they don't. Maybe I am alone in this (haha). But here's the story.
So the other day as I'm getting off the bus I see her ... My Neighbor... (and to keep things private, we'll just call her )Gorgeous She-Mermaid, walking towards our building, and just like any other creepy guy, I rush across the street, to say something that I think would be unique and cool to say, but in reality, it's probably some shit, I should have kept in my head. But because I'm a dumb-ass, I didn't.
So this is how it went:
Me(Smiling): Hey Gorgeous She-Mermaid
Gorgeous She-Mermaid (Smiling): Hey, how are you?
(Internal Commentary: It's Not even 2 sentences in, and I head right for her jugular with some shit that I thought would be really cool to say. " So sit back and watch b*tches, because I'm about to finish this girl." Here it goes:)
Me:
I'm actually pretty Good, did you hear about the dead guy they found on our floor?
Gorgeous She-Mermaid (Looking Confused): Wait...What? No...
(Internal Commentary: Now... A normal person who just shot themselves in the balls , would tell themselves, "Hey, STFU and walk away like it never happened." But did I? You guessed right. Of course I didn't. I decided I wanted to hit her with another finisher, because I'm not finished finishing her yet, so what did I say?)
Me: Yea , when they found him, he was green and had been decomposing in his apartment for weeks...
Gorgeous She-Mermaid (Looking Creeped Out) : Whoa...
Me: Yea the smell was absolutely awful....
_______ Awkward Pause As I Stare Directly at Her ___________
Gorgeous She-Mermaid (Walking Away): Well, I've got stuff to do...So.. see ya around?
Me (Smiling): See ya!
Now when I get into my apartment, reality set in , and the smart asshole me, The who's got his shit together, confronts the other me, who's socially awkward and says, " WHAT THE F*CK MAAAAN? DEAD BODIES ? YOU SERIOUSLY THOUGHT YOU'D CHARM HER BY TALKING ABOUT DEAD BODIES?!?.... THERE'S WAS NOTHING ELSE TO TALK ABOUT? The SUN?.....HOW HOT IT IS? HOW YOU'D LIKE TO HANG OUT? FOOD...DINNER? NONE OF THAT SHIT CAME TO MIND BRO? ALL YOU COULD THINK OF WAS GREEN DECOMPOSING BODIES? "
So after having a conversation with my other self, who I've heard women DO like. I've decided that if I want to be more efficient with getting to know Gorgeous She-Mermaid, Green Decomposing Bodies, should probably NEVER come up. Unless she's happens to a mortician,which she's NOT,because she's an Actor.
I hope you got a laugh out of this, because looking back on it, I still think it's pretty funny. But, I'll keep you posted on my Awkward Encounters, because I assure you, there's many more to come. Peace - H.M. So the ridiculously attractive girl next door to me (who's 20x out of my league ) probably thinks I'm a creep. (Lol) For some reason, my brain fires off the most weirdest/socially awkward conversation starters known to mankind. Now, I've been off the dating scene for a while, because to make a long story short, I had 2 relationship blow up mid-flight, and I've just been like ....No. No dates, No Dinners, No Hanging out. Nothing. I'd rather be a lonely prick, than to do that again. So with that, my pick-up skills are that of a bullied, isolated, socially awkward, and ugly -13year old . Now don't worry, because I find humor in almost everything in life, so I'm sharing this real-life story in hopes that you'll get a laugh or two from my situation. So here's how it goes.I live in Hyde Park, and I have this ridiculously gorgeous neighbor. I mean she's perfect! And from time to time we run into each other, and say a kind word or two, but lately, my brain has been firing off the most weirdest/socially awkward conversation starters known to mankind. Now I know a lot of dudes probably go through similar situations, so I'm happy I'm not alone. Then again, maybe they don't. Maybe I am alone in this (haha). But here's the story.So the other day as I'm getting off the bus I see her ... My Neighbor... (and to keep things private, we'll just call her )Gorgeous She-Mermaid, walking towards our building, and just like any other creepy guy, I rush across the street, to say something that I think would be unique and cool to say, but in reality, it's probably some shit, I should have kept in my head. But because I'm a dumb-ass, I didn't.So this is how it went:Me(Smiling): Hey Gorgeous She-Mermaid Gorgeous She-Mermaid (Smiling): Hey, how are you?(Internal Commentary: It's Not even 2 sentences in, and I head right for her jugular with some shit that I thought would be really cool to say. " So sit back and watch b*tches, because I'm about to finish this girl." Here it goes:)Me: I'm actually pretty Good, did you hear about the dead guy they found on our floor?Gorgeous She-Mermaid (Looking Confused): Wait...What? No...(Internal Commentary: Now... A normal person who just shot themselves in the balls , would tell themselves, "Hey, STFU and walk away like it never happened." But did I? You guessed right. Of course I didn't. I decided I wanted to hit her with another finisher, because I'm not finished finishing her yet, so what did I say?)Me: Yea , when they found him, he was green and had been decomposing in his apartment for weeks... Gorgeous She-Mermaid (Looking Creeped Out) : Whoa...Me: Yea the smell was absolutely awful.... _______ Awkward Pause As I Stare Directly at Her ___________Gorgeous She-Mermaid (Walking Away): Well, I've got stuff to do...So.. see ya around? Me (Smiling): See ya!Now when I get into my apartment, reality set in , and the smart asshole me, The who's got his shit together, confronts the other me, who's socially awkward and says, " WHAT THE F*CK MAAAAN? DEAD BODIES ? YOU SERIOUSLY THOUGHT YOU'D CHARM HER BY TALKING ABOUT DEAD BODIES?!?.... THERE'S WAS NOTHING ELSE TO TALK ABOUT? The SUN?.....HOW HOT IT IS? HOW YOU'D LIKE TO HANG OUT? FOOD...DINNER? NONE OF THAT SHIT CAME TO MIND BRO? ALL YOU COULD THINK OF WAS GREEN DECOMPOSING BODIES? " So after having a conversation with my other self, who I've heard women DO like. I've decided that if I want to be more efficient with getting to know Gorgeous She-Mermaid, Green Decomposing Bodies, should probably NEVER come up. Unless she's happens to a mortician,which she's NOT,because she's an Actor. I hope you got a laugh out of this, because looking back on it, I still think it's pretty funny. But, I'll keep you posted on my Awkward Encounters, because I assure you, there's many more to come. Peace - H.M