Mr. Misery Wrote:
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> while I was in the nut hut, I came up with a list
> of things I hope to achieve in my life:
>
> 1. Never again have my picture taken by anyone for
> any purpose ever, except where it's unavoidable,
> such as official photo ID's, surveillance cameras,
> things like that. When I die, and after I'm long
> gone, no one will ever know what I looked like
> past the age of (X years old).
>
> 2. Never again eat a peach.
>
> 3. Never again write or say the word "candelabra",
> except for this one time, for the purposes of
> writing this list. That's the last time I'll ever
> use that word. Enjoy it.
>
> 4. Meet Jeff Goldblum and ask him to sign my
> baseball, and when he explains he's Jeff Goldblum,
> not a baseball player, say "sorry, I had you
> confused with Medowlark Lemon".
>
> 5. Eat a whole veggie-lover's pizza with a whole
> meat-lover's pizza on top of it.
>
> 6. Have sex with a woman
>
> 7. Create a new word every day. Today's word is
> "superfentulmastic". It means when you get
> diarrhea after eating a whole veggie-lover's pizza
> with a whole meat-lover's pizza on top of it.
>
> 8. Meet Hume Cronyn.
>
> 9. Never again make a right turn while driving.
>
> 10. Find a woman who will love me.
>
> 11. Eat a whole thing of peanut M&M's.
>
> 12. Face my fear of that blue elephant-looking
> alien from the Cantina scene in Star Wars.
>
> 13. Find a good pair of pants that fit.
>
> 14. Return the pants because they're not big
> enough. I need big pants.
>
> 15. Meet Dabney Coleman and get a picture with
> him.
>
> 16. Buy a Roy Roger's franchise.
>
> 17. Stop eating food.
>
> 18. Mentor a child.
>
> 19.
Molest a child
>
> 20.
Hire a clown to touch my children.
>
> 21. Have children.
>
> 22.
Apologize to my children when they're grown
> and the repressed memories of being molested by a
> clown resurface.
>
> 23. Apologize to the clown.
>
> 24. Call a black man "kike"
>
> 25. Call a jewish man "spic"
>
> 26. Pee in the Pope's hat but then feel about
> about peeing in the Pope's hat and replace the hat
> with an identical hat before anyone notices.
>
> 27. Eat at McDonald's
>
> 28. Have sex with Harry Tuttle
>
> 29. Have children with Harry Tuttle
>
> 30. Grow old with Harry Tuttle
>
> 31. Get pregnant
>
> 32. Drink urine
>
> 33. See an ibex in real life
>
> 34. Find out what an ibex is
>
> 35. Change my mind about the ibex. I want to see a
> komodo dragon now.
>
> 36. Get a monkey.
>
> 37. Confess to a first-degree murder I didn't do,
> but then really do it, then plead not guilty. Then
> make wine in a prison toilet.
>
> 38. Get really big
>
> 39. Try not to think of a purple orangutan
>
> 40. Ask if I can get a Miller Genuine Draft at
> IHOP
>
> 41. Pay someone to throw stuff at me
>
> 42. Tell my dad I love him
>
> 43. Buy a jet-ski
>
> 44. Drink a bottle of Yoo-Hoo
>
> 45. Pretend to be an architect
>
> 46. Make beats
>
> 47. Ride a dog like a horse
>
> 48. Get molested on the subway
>
> 49. Rape a woman, but only if she deserves it
>
> 50. Get raped by a woman
>
> 51. Meet that dad
>
> 52. Try Weight-Watchers For Men
>
> 53. Meet a Chinese woman
>
> 54. Go to Fashion Week in New York
>
> 55. Make a sandwich
>
> 56. Duct tape a puppy and another smaller puppy
> together
>
> 57. Pee on someone's couch
>
> 58. Stop doing stuff
>
> 59. Get in an elevator with people in it and stand
> facing them. Drink pee.
>
> 60. Meet Cary and ask him to sign my baseball
>
> .....I'm all out of stuff.
Was up bichhh?
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