How to talk like a Yankee !
Date: September 24, 2010 03:01PM
Practice these simple habits, and you'll be sounding like a refined person from the Northeast or Midwest in no time!
Rule Number 1: NASALITY IS YOUR FRIEND. Northerners pack every vowel through their nose. That way they avoid that uneducated sounding "drawl" that Southerners have. Make sure you clip your words too- no elongation of vowels, that simply isn't nice. Talking through the nose allows you to talk twice as fast as those dim witted yokels down South
Rule Number 2: Make sure you add an "e" to every "i" vowel. Its not bye, its byeeeeeee. Its not Hi. Its hieeeee. Its not time, its tieeeeeeem. Thats proper and sounds educated.
Rule Number 3: Refer to women as "guys". Always greet anyone, regardless of gender as "You Guys". Its the correct way, and sounds ever so sophisticated. Not like that hick 'Y'all" or "You Folks" saying. Repeat after me: Hieeeee You Guyeeeees". Byeeeee You Guyeees".
Rule Number 4 Call all matter of fizzy drinks "Sodas". Never mind that Soda is something you bake with. Thats right, whether is a coke or a sprite or a shasta, its still a "soda". Never ever say "soft drink". Thats just uneducated sounding.
Rule Number 5:Remember to talk as fast as possible. Any pauses between sentences should last no longer than 1.5 seconds. If you pause longer than that people might think you're a stupid slow minded Southerner, and we don't want that, now do we?
Practice these 5 Golden Rules and you'll be on your way to sounding just like those sophisticates from the egalitarian land of ice and snow.