1. Black Bolt. Black Bolt isn't allowed to speak, because his voice is so horribly
destructive that it might demolish the world. His wings resemble accordians, the
most harmless and charming of instruments (apart from the kazoo), mocking the
cataclymsic potential of his speaking voice. He never learned sign language, and
it can be infuriating waiting for him to scribble a note, or while he attempts to
indicate his thoughts with a scowl or pout. In restaurants it takes Black Bolt
hours to decide on the simplest order. Ostensibly many other superheroes look up
to him for leadership, but if you really pay any attention to his band of followers
you perceive immediately that they are all freaks, with lousy powers. His dog is
ugly.


2. The Vision. The Vision has red skin, and a synthetic body which oscillates
from ethereal to super-dense. Neither state, however, serves as a satisfying
expression of the feelings inside him. The Vision is obsessed with his traumatic
past: an evil android created him for dark purposes. This sort of hurt can be
difficult to get over, and most other superheroes have always steered a
respectful berth around The Vision. In 1973 The Vision quite unexpectedly got
married, to another superhero, the Scarlet Witch. They were divorced in 1997. In
her memoir, published last year, The Scarlet Witch revealed that a substitute
android had been created to fulfill a majority of The Vision's requests for public
appearances, and claimed that toward the end of the marriage she had found it
difficult to tell the two apart. The Scarlet Witch has recently been linked in
British tabloids with Liam Gallagher of Oasis.


3. Deadman. Deadman's problem is worn on the sleeve of his name: he's dead.
He handles it pretty gracefully, having been a circus acrobat in his former life.
Deadman rarely bothers to dress as a civilian, since his secret identity is a
corpse. His skin is red. It probably ought to be green, but The Spectre's skin in
green. This is only one of several ways in which The Spectre appears to occupy
turf which probably ought to have been Deadman's. In earlier days Deadman
regarded himself as The Spectre's protégé. However, The Spectre never proposed
Deadman for membership in the Justice League of America. Deadman doesn't know
how to raise the subject with the Spectre, so he never calls him anymore.
     Deadman has a nagging feeling that in his trenchcoat he resembles a flasher.
At least, this much is true: he feels naked without it.


4. Ragman. Ragman was given his powers by the electrocution of five failed Jewish
immigrants who had been sitting in in an alley complaining about their failed
businesses - a knife sharpener, a pawnbroker, a hat blocker, a moyel, and a
tenement owner who was ruined when the Village Voice listed him as one of the
city's Top Ten Slumlords in 1976. All the strength of the five men flowed into
the body of a homeless man picking through a garbage can nearby, who became
Ragman. Ragman is the poverty superhero, unable to afford a costume other than a
big pile of rags. He never fights villains who can afford costumes at all. Instead he
rescues starving kittens and breaks up three-card monte games. Ragman keeps
himself in White Castle hamburgers by buying cartons of cigarettes and selling
singles for a nickel apiece. During the Giuliani mayoralty Ragman was discretely
paid off to move to Baltimore, where he remains.


5. Omega The Unknown. Like Black Bolt, he never spoke. Energy beams came out
of his hands, not always at his command. He might be considered Superman's
depressed cousin, since he'd come from a destroyed planet. Unlike Superboy,
Supergirl, or Superdog, Superman has never acknowledged Omega. Omega's priorities
were very unclear, and so he had the power to depress others, as well as himself.
Omega's comic book was so punishingly dull that Marvel began to put The Hulk and
Spiderman on the cover, and once, in a measure of striking desperation, Scrooge
McDuck made a guest appearance. After ten issues the title was cancelled anyway.
After cancellation, Marvel was contacted by attorneys from Omega's home planet,
which turned out not to be destroyed at all. This resulted in the first recall of
the entire run of a published comic book in the industry's history. Until a
successful appeal of the court's order in 1996, Marvel was still required to
refund the full cover price of any issue of Omega The Unknown returned by a
consumer, as well as the cost of return postage.

http://www.jonathanlethem.com/depressed_superheroes.html

you forgot me -- FLASH ah ahhh...


'Flash' Gordon Wayne Watts (a 'real, bonified' Superhero)

ps: If it's really imporant I might sign in...

ps #2 : subliminal message: http://wh.gov/jU8

Sleepwalker.......he could only be a superhero in his dreams. That's really not a superhero, is it?

Black Lightning. He's black. He can shoot lightning. He was the token black superhero for DC in the 70's. Why all black superheroes gotta have the word "Black" in their name? Damn!

Ant Man. Can shrink to the size of an ant.

Green Arrow. Shoots arrows real good. Superman can smash entire planets. Green Arrow has arrows.

any character created by Rob Liefeld. Shatterstar...Four-Arm...the villain whose superpower was having four arms.

MODOK, not a hero. Just the dumbest thing ever in a comic book.

check out Cap's rack...
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Wonderman always had serious issues.


Ms. Marvel is an alcoholic.

Psylocke started out white, then she became Asian somehow.

when I was a boy, I worked it to Psylocke from the X-Men.....many times....
.
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I loved the superhero ladies that wore thongs as part of their costume.


Pyslocke wore a thong as her costume. So hot.
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Emo Superman.




=
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eesh Wrote:
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> Emo Superman.
>
>
>
>
> =


that's stupid. Superman could never be a cutter. He is invulnerable.

.
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superheroes... neat...

Signatures are for fags

Harry Tuttle Wrote:
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> superheroes... neat...


hey bud......what's your problem?
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too cool for superheroes.....I see...

Just not into them... Never have been...

That's all...

Signatures are for fags

The only superhero I have is Jesus Christ.

.
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Harry Tuttle Wrote:
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> Just not into them... Never have been...
>
> That's all...


I'm not either.....anymore. But.....when I was a boy...I grew up reading about the magical, salacious, erroneous, exuberant escapades of the likes of Spider-Man....The X-Men....Batman...Robin....Captain America....Iron Man....The Hulk....Wolverine.....Iceman.....Thor......The Punisher......


when I was a boy, these magical, mystical heroes were my only friends. So I still have fuzzy memories of all their mad-cap adventures and capers.....even though I have since grown to like more mature things.


did you know that The Human Torch was the VERY FIRST superhero, EVER? But.....it was not the SAME Human Torch as the one we know and love today from The Fantastic Four......the ORIGINAL Human Torch existed in a DIFFERENT continuity, separate from the Marvel Universe we know today....in fact, this original Human Torch is basically the same character as The Vision, mentioned in Opie's post above, from The Avengers. The original Human Torch was a sentient humanoid android, created in a laboratory. Marvel did not exist when this Human Torch was first published. Marvel was called Timely Comics then. When Marvel became Marvel, they revised the story of the original Human Torch and made it so that character eventually became The Vision...also a humanoid android. It's very complicated. Johnny Blaze, the Fantastic Four's Human Torch, has no relation to The Vision.


and.......that's that.
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Hario??? COmment please.

What for? I think my first two comments were enough...

Signatures are for fags

Loser Garbage

Harry Tuttle Wrote:
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> What for? I think my first two comments were
> enough...


you need to read a Human Torch sometime...............what do you think of my growing up as a boy reading the magical escapades of these superheroes?? Madcap, exuberant, rambunctious hijincks and escapdes....

When will you realize that there *is* a Superman under your Clark Kent gear?