no. new page NOW

so like... what's your feeling about the authenticity?

Signatures are for fags

Harry Tuttle Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> so like... what's your feeling about the
> authenticity?


being queer used to be the status quo until people got smart and didn't do that anymore. they fond a couple of things that never really got traction but when they looked back at the old days everyone seemed like a fag. people knew they were right, too.

Harry Tuttle Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> come on guys can someone please tell me how to
> delete a post thanks


wish I could help you out sorry.

I don't remember writing that, Alias. I think I must've lost time again...

Signatures are for fags

Holy shit. There were more Harry Tuttle posts.

I don't remember losing time...

I think someone hacked my account.

Someone must've hacked my account

Signatures are for fags

Someone hacked my account to post amazingly creative and original song lyrics.

Signatures are for fags

Which one of you pranksters did it?

Was it you, Shane? Not cool, dude...

You didn't get my mom's permission...

Signatures are for fags

This thread.....
Attachments:

That's cute... why do you keep posting in it?

Signatures are for fags

Harry Tuttle Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> That's cute... why do you keep posting in it?
Attachments:

Harry Tuttle Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I don't remember writing that, Alias. I think I
> must've lost time again...


This is actually worrying me.

eesh Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> [more lame pics instead of thoughts]

how do you delete a post?

Signatures are for fags

Hi guise

eesh Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Hi guise

sup

Signatures are for fags

Nothing much, I was acually just reading you poetry on the page before. Can't say that I'm able to make a whole lot of sense out of it though/

What's it about?

Aubry Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Nothing much, I was acually just reading you
> poetry on the page before. Can't say that I'm
> able to make a whole lot of sense out of it
> though/
>
> What's it about?

What are you talking about?

Signatures are for fags

Can you explain yourself, please?

Signatures are for fags

chillin at the bee shack

give me my tree back



flowers go straight to the heart like a lethal weapon

let's go eat some teppen, don't play me in tekken, i'll have you shakin in your boots like your doomsday preppin'

^^^That I guess^^^

Wow... those are some pretty tight verses.. Seems like something might be missing in the middle but, overall, pretty good.

Did you write that?

Signatures are for fags

lol, I think you wrote it homie.

my skin is drying out it makes my knee crack, young'n

how do you like it?

Oh, ok...

Thanks for the clarification and for all your feedback.

Bless

Signatures are for fags

Harry can I ask you a question please?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/04/2014 03:04AM by Aubry.

Aubry Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Harry I can I ask you a question please?

You just did...

guffaw

Signatures are for fags

Well another one then.

Is eesh retarded? I was hoping somebody could clear this up for me. Does he always accuse people of being somebody else here? Because he did that with me a few days ago.

I guess that was actually three questions total.

Aubry Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Well another one then.
>
> Is eesh retarded? I was hoping somebody could
> clear this up for me. Does he always accuse
> people of being somebody else here? Because he
> did that with me a few days ago.
>
> I guess that was actually three questions total.




What I know, is that you've been gone all day, but started posting as soon as Rockhound showed up.

Aubry Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Well another one then.
>
> Is eesh retarded?

I don't know... I'm not a doctor... I actually suspect he is on the spectrum, however...

> I was hoping somebody could
> clear this up for me.

I was hoping somebody could swallow my children tonight.

> Does he always accuse
> people of being somebody else here?

Always is a shitty word... it stinks... and you stink too...

> Because he
> did that with me a few days ago.

What makes you think I'd have anything to say about that?

>
> I guess that was actually three questions total.

Tee-hee... silly girl...

Signatures are for fags

eesh Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> What I know, is that you've been gone all day, but
> started posting as soon as Rockhound showed up.


eesh. please how do you delete a post here i need to know thanks

Signatures are for fags

lol, I thought I was Jen. Which is it?

Somebody needs to start a thread where we can put all of these in one place. It would probably be longer than this one.

It's been a pleasure chatting with you Harry and eesh but I really must be going now.

Good night boys.

hey audry do you like spicy foods i need to know thanks

Signatures are for fags

eesh Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
>
>
>
>
> What I know, is that you've been gone all day, but
> started posting as soon as Rockhound showed up.


Can you pull a rabbit out of a hat next?

There are too many commas, in your, post.

Harry Tuttle Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> hey audry do you like spicy foods i need to know
> thanks


I do actually. Quite a bit.

Rockhound Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> eesh Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > What I know, is that you've been gone all day,
> but
> > started posting as soon as Rockhound showed up.
>
>
> Can you pull a rabbit out of a hat next?
>
> There are too many commas, in your, post.

hehehe, you're right. He put an extra comma after "know".

What means that? "Quite a bit"? It's a lot or a little?

Signatures are for fags

I like spicy food A LOT. When I go to restaurants I always ask for my food to be extra spicy because I like spicy foods.

Is that good enough for you?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/04/2014 03:23AM by Aubry.

I have a question. How can I edit my post without letting anybody know?

Sorry, I still learning all of English. I'm pretty good but there are little tricks. Um. Nuance. that hard for me to learn

Signatures are for fags

You can edit posts?

How do you do that?

Aubry Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I have a question. How can I edit my post without
> letting anybody know?

Signatures are for fags

Aubry Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I like spicy food A LOT. When I go to restaurants
> I always ask for my food to be extra spicy because
> I like spicy foods.
>
> Is that good enough for you?


HEY - WHY THE FUCK DID YOU EDIT THAT POST?!!!!!!!!!

You have to tell me NOW. Is it cause you said something awful?! Wrong account?!

BTW - I am the newly appointed Post Editor High Council, my predecessor is using another account at the moment.

,.,
Attachments:

Spicy food? Sriracha is the best.

for real dude? a flow chart are you the same guy that was going to spend hours on facebook looking for a phantom to get revenge on?

Why isn't Jane2 on that chart?

Signatures are for fags

esh, i'm curious how you discovered all that information? how did you arrive at those conclusions? i need to know thanks

Signatures are for fags

Harry Tuttle Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> You can edit posts?
>
> How do you do that?


You're no help at all. To answer your question though; it's really quite (as in "a lot" easy) to do. You just click the little "edit" button and edit away.



Rockhound Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Aubry Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > I like spicy food A LOT. When I go to
> restaurants
> > I always ask for my food to be extra spicy
> because
> > I like spicy foods.
> >
> > Is that good enough for you?
>
>
> HEY - WHY THE FUCK DID YOU EDIT THAT
> POST?!!!!!!!!!
>
> You have to tell me NOW. Is it cause you said
> something awful?! Wrong account?!

Ok, but after this I am going to sleep. I edited it because I spelled the word "spicy" spicey three times and I didn't want people to see that. Normally I wouldnt care that much but the word was written right above.

Eesh, I'm starting to like you! Good night for real this time.

Thanks for the help audry but for some reason when i try to erase everything in the post it won't let me save it

I posted something embarassing on accident and i need to get rid of it

Signatures are for fags

The CAC has decided to condemn this particular page (to wit, page 41) of the Fun pranks to play at sleep overs with your mom's permission ("Copypasta" Thread) due to poor comedy performance by all posters involved. This has been the worst page (and a half, to wit, the latter half of page 40) of the Copypaste thread to date. The wigger rhyme spitting bit has been deemed comedically insufficient and will be stricken from the record forthwith, as well as the comedically insufficient posts by Aubry as well as eesh. All posters involved in this ill conceived wigger bit will be banned forever and banished to the Phantom Zone.


Alias is allowed to stay and is appointed moderator of the thread.

and Rockhound is on probation for a period of ten pages starting with page 42.



-comedy arbitration council
/
Attachments:

Due to the disastrous comedic performance of this page and a half, the thread is hereby condemned forever by the comedy homeowners association.
.
Attachments:

the comedy disaster association has declared the last page and a half of this thread a national tragedy and disaster area and will begin spraying for lice immediately. the thread will be fumigated and then demolished and then burned.
.;
Attachments:

Harry Tuttle Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Thanks for the help audry but for some reason when
> i try to erase everything in the post it won't let
> me save it
>
> I posted something embarassing on accident and i
> need to get rid of it


Well you could always ask Cary to remove it for you but you probably have to be on his good side for him to do you any favors like that. Best of luck in your endeavors.

Aubry Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Eesh, I'm starting to like you!

That's because you're tired.

Good night for
> real this time.

Sleep well, but keep one eye open.

You're a doofus

comedy homeowners association Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Due to the disastrous comedic performance of this
> page and a half, the thread is hereby condemned
> forever by the comedy homeowners association.
> .

Signatures are for fags

The Comedy Petrolium Police doesn't approve of Alias saying the word "tired".

This thread is hereby condemned.

Signatures are for fags

Wuddup tuts?

Don't say "Hello" that's lame and is also condemned by the Comedy Petroleum Police.

Thanks for evacuating this condemned thread.

Signatures are for fags

Fun Fact: I don't rightly know how to spell Petroleum..

Signatures are for fags

How ya been?

"How ya been?" is a trite pleasantry and is banned from this thread...

This thread may seem fun and light hearted but it is actually a totalitarian state and certain things are prohibited...

I hope you understand why you are banned from this thread...

and why this thread is now condemned...

Signatures are for fags

Because I am an unhappy person... I am closing this thread... indefinitely...

please address your questions to the "uncondemned" Sleepover Thread.

And if you could, would you shut up, please?



Signatures are for fags

Where's Howdy Tuttle! at?

Signatures are for fags

Hello Turtle was a superb character poster.. Starring in HBO's comedy circle of the Damned starring on HBO in 1912....

There was a lion a withch, and a wardrobe...

Jbalo, comment?

Signatures are for fags

I'm going to cut a watermelon into pieces...

and then eat it..

Signatures are for fags
Attachments:

Hasanyone tried those new Pringles flavors yet

Pringles are a junk food and they contain empty calories. They will be stricken from the records immediately. This is your final warning.

Signatures are for fags

what is a 'froyo'?

Cute references to frozen yogurt are strictly prohibited. If you do not stop with this bullshit, I will close the thread forever,

Signatures are for fags

what is a 'hatch tag'?

That does it. References to any type of twitter formatting or trends is the last straw.

Have fun in your condemned bullshit thread by yourself. SHITPISSASSCOCKLUMPYTITS



Signatures are for fags

what is a 'snap chat'?

And a 1, and a 2, 1, 2, 3, 4

Hit it!

why do gay guys talk a certain way?

Oh ah, I don't care much about anything, yeah, I don't care much about you

'Slong as I got my gay rights and gun rights, oooh yeah, that'll do

MMM yeah, gays and guns

MMM YEAH, gays and GUNS

Oh oh oh, I'm still happy 'slong as I Got my gaysssssss and gunssssssss

YEAH!

What happened in here???

This place is a mess........

LUDWIG!!!! How the hell are ya, ya big bald bastard!?

i coined the phrase 'ain't no thing but a chicken wing on a string'

Rockhound Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Oh oh oh, I'm still happy 'slong as I Got my
> gaysssssss and gunssssssss
>
> YEAH!



HA!

Peter Lorre Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> LUDWIG!!!! How the hell are ya, ya big bald
> bastard!?


Might be bald but parents are married.

Lud......


You. Me. Roy's. Five minutes.


be there.

Eli Wallach Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Lud......
>
>
> You. Me. Roy's. Five minutes.
>
>
> be there.

I like you movies but no.

Well, Rockhound, Tuttle's in one of his moods again....maybe if he takes his ball and goes home we can have some fun....


...Speaking of the word "fun", I disapprove of it. What is it? What does it mean? What is "fun". I think we SHOULD all STOP saying "FUN".


...but what do I know, y'all...


----------------------------------------------------
i'm a merry singing asian boy, i know a lot of songs

I'm streaming the entire first season of Game of Thorns right now....like...who is this Sir Gawain and the Green Knight guy, an' stuff..?

ooooops, forgot my sig line y'all...


here ya go

----------------------------------------------------
i'm a tiny little asian boy, i'll sing a song or two

What moods? I don't think I like the word moods. Your impression wasn't very good.

Fun is a word. You could say gay instead. I think joy should die.

Are those like the dogs what can sniff out cancer?

Wind touches my face blowing slowly it's coldness
My soul has frozen in a solitude blink
Making my being decline
Hiding my fears into my world
I can percieve this dark corner
These recoil's chains choke my desire
Thoughts in fight, Illusions drawn in ice
Visions of pain, feelings of fault
Depression comes, penetrates my heart
I can see a black horizon
It comes to me with all it's rage
(and I want to be free now)
But I don't give up
Frustrating sights, bad experiences
All over me, what desolation brings
Memories hurt, deception overflowing the sense
Illusions fall, wishes go
I'm blind with the pain, forces left behind
Maybe it's the time to forget my self

History Wild
Carrot Today
Nutrition
Cultivation
Recipes
Trivia
Links
Home
Contact

---

Carrot Trivia -
Part One

Welcome to the amazing trivial world of the Carrot. You
probably thought that the carrot has a very uninteresting life with no
significance to the world. Well read on and be amazed how carrots impact
on everyday life.
This is just
the first Page (of many!) detailing some of
the interesting trivia you never knew about
carrots!

 

Navigation of this page:	101 Trivia	Carrot Pub	Homonyms	Signing	Yin and Yang	Carrot Fan	Post Stamps
	Other Museums	Carrot Sunday	Veg or Fruit?	Around the World	The soapboxes	Thimble	Odds 'n ends

Trivia 1 lists the many and weird interesting facts
about carrots.

Trivia 2

which gives examples of the carrot in the Arts and
Sciences together with some fascinating "rock art" discovered by Brian Lee
in America. Here you will also find the famous icy sparks microwave
effect explained, and examples of carrot tattoos.  Carrots can make antifreeze and see if carrots could unlock the mysteries
of the universe!

Were Carrots the first step in cloning?  and so much more .........

Trivia 3 concentrates on Carrots in
Literature, Poetry and Quotations.

Trivia 4 starts to
register the carrot in Films and Television.

Trivia 5 - Even More
"one liner" trivia items!.

Fine Art works containing depictions of Carrots are
now on a separate page. Click here to go
there.

Carrot references can be found in many part of the arts and sciences. Carrots have been included in several major works of art and helped in identifying species in the 16th century using the paintings of the Dutch masters. See some magnificent examples of fine art depicting carrots here. Carrots are one of the rare vegetables which are more nutritious cooked than raw, find out why here.  And when cooked whole! Carrots are more nutritious when cut by a knife! - read here. Carrots can make a material as strong as carbon fibre! - read here And a new Formula 3 Racing Car with a carrot steering wheel! - here In the US a typical carrot has to travel 1,838 miles to reach your dinner table! (Source: Pirog, Rich, and Andrew Benjamin. "Checking the Food Odometer: Comparing Food Miles for Local Versus Conventional Produce Sales in Iowa Institutions." Leopold Center for Sustainable Agriculture, July 2003. http://www.leopold.iastate.edu/pubs/staff/files/food_travel072103.pdf) There is a real Carrot Tree, native to Madeira - here - While most members of the Apiaceae are herbaceous, a few are woody, such as this Tree Carrot, Monizia edulis, which is endemic to the Island of Madeira. It is fairly common for families that are predominantly herbaceous to have woody representatives on oceanic islands.  Photo here. A Carrot contains chemicals to help it stay healthy - here   Bugs Bunny Car - here  See a crazy carrot video here. (youtube) The 1551 edition of the "Libro de Agricultura" by Gabriel Alonso de Herrera records the "colour of oranges" to describe carrots. One of the first written evidences of an orange carrot, particularly written in English (and therefore cannot be misinterpreted during translation) is Hortus Medicus Edinburgensis – A Catalogue of plants in the Physical Garden at Edinburgh by James Sutherland intendent of said garden in 1683.  This work makes reference to Orange, Red, Yellow and White carrots, together with the common Wild Carrot. It and also distinguishes them from Parsnip as a separate plant. See extract here). This is a very useful record as it shows what actually existed in the botanic garden in Edinburgh. DID YOU KNOW:  - Carrot juice is used for many things besides drinking. Ed Ruscha, who is a master printer and artist uses carrot juice instead of printer ink. He has also printed with spinach juice, chocolate and strawberries.  Read more about Ed Ruscha here. Read more about the wonder and health benefits of Carrot Juice here. - a pyramid of carrots containing 3 tons of carrots would be approximately 4 feet square and 4 feet tall.  If we take the estimate of 27,500 carrots as 3 toms, and assume an average volume of 1.2 cubic inches for each carrot, then the base of a square pyramid would be approximately 4 feet by 4 feet. The height would be nearly the same. This assumes the carrots on the base are laid out in one direction and alternated for each successive layer.  Calculations from Bolthouse Carrots! Here are Trivia Nos 1 to 45: The Wild Carrot is called Queen Anne's Lace. Click here to find out why. The World Longest Carrot recorded in 2007 was 5.839 metres (19 feet 1 7/8 inches)  - Joe Atherton, UK The World  Heaviest Carrot recorded in 1998 was 18.985 lb (8.61kg) (single root mass) John V. R. Evans, USA See World records page here. The Biggest collection in the world - Romana. See her own pages here. There is a carrot pie flavour jelly bean! Both of the words in "Daucus Carota" mean orange. Carrots were first grown as a medicine not a food. History starts here The average person will consume 10,866 carrots in a lifetime see photo here The Ancient Greeks called carrots "Karoto" Carrots, like other food, are travelling nearly 60 per cent further on the UK roads than in the 1970s - read more Carrots flowers are also called Birds nest, Bees nest and the Devils Plague Carrots produce more distilled spirit than potatoes.  Le Roi Carotte is an 1872 operetta by Offenbach photo here The crisp texture of carrots is the result of the cell walls being stiffened with the indigestible food fibres cellulose, hemicellulose, and lignin. Tobacconists in France used to put a carrot in their bins to keep their tobacco from drying out. Jeff Chiplis, from Cleveland has a collection of over 10,000 carrot items.  See his own page - click here. The Japanese word for carrot is "ninjin"! In early Celtic literature, the carrot is referred to as the "Honey Underground"! Yes there is a carrot beetle! more here. The classic Bugs Bunny carrot is the "Danvers" type. It's a myth that Mel Blanc, the voice of Bugs Bunny, was allergic to carrots - he simply did not like them More details here. Carrots are not always orange and can also be found in purple, white, red or yellow.  More information here. Carrots were the first vegetable to be canned commercially. Napoleon! - read more here. Carrots might unlock the secrets of the universe. More detail here. The carrot belongs to the family Umbelliferae.  If you dug a hole to the Earth's center and dropped a Baby Carrot in it, it'd take 42 minutes to get to the bottom. Carrots have one of  the highest content of beta carotene (vitamin A) of all vegetables. The cultivated variety is classified as Daucus carota, variety sativa. You get between 175,000 and 450,000 seeds in a pound - a teaspoon can hold approximately 2000!<!--msimagelist--> The Americans know the wild carrot as Queen Anne's Lace, wild carrot, rattlesnake weed & American carrot. The carrot is a member of the parsley family including species such as celery, parsnip, fennel, dill and coriander. If your first name is Carrot it has made you happiest when you are expressing in some creative, artistic way, and not conforming to strict routine. Find out more. Holtville, California dubs itself "The Carrot Capital of the World." with an Annual Festival, now in its 60th year. Check out more here.  Other carrot festivals around the world - here The Anglo-Saxons included carrots as an ingredient in a medicinal drink against the devil and insanity. The Greek foot soldiers who hid in the Trojan Horse were said to have consumed ample quantities of raw carrots to inactivate their bowels. The above is unlikely to be true. The Trojan Horse is a mythological tale and carrots are GOOD for constipation, so would have the opposite effect, or did they eat lot of carrots before the fight to clear their intestines and avoid any problems during the important moment??  another apocryphal tale. The Ancient Greeks called the plant Philtron or Bird's Nest. There is a real Carrot Tree, native to Madeira - here Gentlemen in Teheran in the 1870's took carrots stewed in sugar as an aphrodisiac to increase the quality and quantity of sperm! Believe it or not School in the Uk were given official instructions on how to eat carrots! - click here. In Suffolk, Carrots were formerly given as a specific for preserving and restoring the wind of horses. In August 2005 Ozlem Aydin wrote a thesis on the mathematical analysis of peeling of carrots, to the graduate school of natural and applied sciences of middle east technical university as part of the requirement for a Masters Degree in Food Engineering. Fuel for Cars? Scientists now believe that bio fuels will be the answer to our energy needs when the oil runs out. One such fuel, perhaps within 10 years, will be carrots - it would take approximately 6000 carrots to drive one mile. A strong decoction of carrot and root make a very good insecticide. You get 10 mg of Vitamin A from 20 average carrots. If you dream of carrots - it portends prosperity and health; for a young woman to eat them denotes she will contract an early marriage and be the mother of several hardy children!! The Victorians had a recipe to destroy crickets – a paste of flour, powdered arsenic, and scraped carrots, placed near their habitations. This was developed because it was discivered that crickets were very fond of carrots. (Magazine of domestic economy, volume iv, 1839) Next 100 + trivias (now opens on a new page - trivia listings) Signatures are for fags

FAT AND THIN

by Anton Chekhov

Two friends -- one a fat man and the other a thin man -- met at the Nikolaevsky station. The fat man had just dined in the station and his greasy lips shone like ripe cherries. He smelt of sherry and fleur d'orange. The thin man had just slipped out of the train and was laden with portmanteaus, bundles, and bandboxes. He smelt of ham and coffee grounds. A thin woman with a long chin, his wife, and a tall schoolboy with one eye screwed up came into view behind his back.

"Porfiry," cried the fat man on seeing the thin man. "Is it you? My dear fellow! How many summers, how many winters!"

"Holy saints!" cried the thin man in amazement. "Misha! The friend of my childhood! Where have you dropped from?"

The friends kissed each other three times, and gazed at each other with eyes full of tears. Both were agreeably astounded.

"My dear boy!" began the thin man after the kissing. "This is unexpected! This is a surprise! Come have a good look at me! Just as handsome as I used to be! Just as great a darling and a dandy! Good gracious me! Well, and how are you? Made your fortune? Married? I am married as you see. . . . This is my wife Luise, her maiden name was Vantsenbach . . . of the Lutheran persuasion. . . . And this is my son Nafanail, a schoolboy in the third class. This is the friend of my childhood, Nafanya. We were boys at school together!"

Nafanail thought a little and took off his cap.

"We were boys at school together," the thin man went on. "Do you remember how they used to tease you? You were nicknamed Herostratus because you burned a hole in a schoolbook with a cigarette, and I was nicknamed Ephialtes because I was fond of telling tales. Ho--ho! . . . we were children! . . . Don't be shy, Nafanya. Go nearer to him. And this is my wife, her maiden name was Vantsenbach, of the Lutheran persuasion. . . ."

Nafanail thought a little and took refuge behind his father's back.

"Well, how are you doing my friend?" the fat man asked, looking enthusiastically at his friend. "Are you in the service? What grade have you reached?"

"I am, dear boy! I have been a collegiate assessor for the last two years and I have the Stanislav. The salary is poor, but that's no great matter! The wife gives music lessons, and I go in for carving wooden cigarette cases in a private way. Capital cigarette cases! I sell them for a rouble each. If any one takes ten or more I make a reduction of course. We get along somehow. I served as a clerk, you know, and now I have been transferred here as a head clerk in the same department. I am going to serve here. And what about you? I bet you are a civil councillor by now? Eh?"

"No dear boy, go higher than that," said the fat man. "I have risen to privy councillor already . . . I have two stars."

The thin man turned pale and rigid all at once, but soon his face twisted in all directions in the broadest smile; it seemed as though sparks were flashing from his face and eyes. He squirmed, he doubled together, crumpled up. . . . His portmanteaus, bundles and cardboard boxes seemed to shrink and crumple up too. . . . His wife's long chin grew longer still; Nafanail drew himself up to attention and fastened all the buttons of his uniform.

"Your Excellency, I . . . delighted! The friend, one may say, of childhood and to have turned into such a great man! He--he!"

"Come, come!" the fat man frowned. "What's this tone for? You and I were friends as boys, and there is no need of this official obsequiousness!"

"Merciful heavens, your Excellency! What are you saying. . . ?" sniggered the thin man, wriggling more than ever. "Your Excellency's gracious attention is like refreshing manna. . . . This, your Excellency, is my son Nafanail, . . . my wife Luise, a Lutheran in a certain sense."

The fat man was about to make some protest, but the face of the thin man wore an expression of such reverence, sugariness, and mawkish respectfulness that the privy councillor was sickened. He turned away from the thin man, giving him his hand at parting.

The thin man pressed three fingers, bowed his whole body and sniggered like a Chinaman: "He--he--he!" His wife smiled. Nafanail scraped with his foot and dropped his cap. All three were agreeably overwhelmed.
/
Attachments:

019.htmþØq@8"Øq D€ÿÕPÂlxÂqÔÁ'èÄnØq@ÂóTEXTMSWDÿÿÿÿƒ`³Ø‡³Ø‡š
IN THE GRAVEYARD

by Anton Chekhov

"THE wind has got up, friends, and it is beginning to get dark. Hadn't we better take ourselves off before it gets worse?"

The wind was frolicking among the yellow leaves of the old birch trees, and a shower of thick drops fell upon us from the leaves. One of our party slipped on the clayey soil, and clutched at a big grey cross to save himself from falling.

"Yegor Gryaznorukov, titular councillor and cavalier . ." he read. "I knew that gentleman. He was fond of his wife, he wore the Stanislav ribbon, and read nothing. . . . His digestion worked well . . . . life was all right, wasn't it? One would have thought he had no reason to die, but alas! fate had its eye on him. . . . The poor fellow fell a victim to his habits of observation. On one occasion, when he was listening at a keyhole, he got such a bang on the head from the door that he sustained concussion of the brain (he had a brain), and died. And here, under this tombstone, lies a man who from his cradle detested verses and epigrams. . . . As though to mock him his whole tombstone is adorned with verses. . . . There is someone coming!"

A man in a shabby overcoat, with a shaven, bluish-crimson countenance, overtook us. He had a bottle under his arm and a parcel of sausage was sticking out of his pocket.

"Where is the grave of Mushkin, the actor?" he asked us in a husky voice.

We conducted him towards the grave of Mushkin, the actor, who had died two years before.

"You are a government clerk, I suppose?" we asked him.

"No, an actor. Nowadays it is difficult to distinguish actors from clerks of the Consistory. No doubt you have noticed that. . . . That's typical, but it's not very flattering for the government clerk."

It was with difficulty that we found the actor's grave. It had sunken, was overgrown with weeds, and had lost all appearance of a grave. A cheap, little cross that had begun to rot, and was covered with green moss blackened by the frost, had an air of aged dejection and looked, as it were, ailing.

". . . forgotten friend Mushkin . . ." we read.

Time had erased the never, and corrected the falsehood of man.

"A subscription for a monument to him was got up among actors and journalists, but they drank up the money, the dear fellows . . ." sighed the actor, bowing down to the ground and touching the wet earth with his knees and his cap.

"How do you mean, drank it?"

That's very simple. They collected the money, published a paragraph about it in the newspaper, and spent it on drink. . . . I don't say it to blame them. . . . I hope it did them good, dear things! Good health to them, and eternal memory to him."

"Drinking means bad health, and eternal memory nothing but sadness. God give us remembrance for a time, but eternal memory -- what next!"

"You are right there. Mushkin was a well-known man, you see; there were a dozen wreaths on the coffin, and he is already forgotten. Those to whom he was dear have forgotten him, but those to whom he did harm remember him. I, for instance, shall never, never forget him, for I got nothing but harm from him. I have no love for the deceased."

"What harm did he do you?"

"Great harm," sighed the actor, and an expression of bitter resentment overspread his face. "To me he was a villain and a scoundrel -- the Kingdom of Heaven be his! It was through looking at him and listening to him that I became an actor. By his art he lured me from the parental home, he enticed me with the excitements of an actor's life, promised me all sorts of things -- and brought tears and sorrow. . . . An actor's lot is a bitter one! I have lost youth, sobriety, and the divine semblance. . . . I haven't a half-penny to bless myself with, my shoes are down at heel, my breeches are frayed and patched, and my face looks as if it had been gnawed by dogs. . . . My head's full of freethinking and nonsense. . . . He robbed me of my faith -- my evil genius! It would have been something if I had had talent, but as it is, I am ruined for nothing. . . . It's cold, honoured friends. . . . Won't you have some? There is enough for all. . . . B-r-r-r. . . . Let us drink to the rest of his soul! Though I don't like him and though he's dead, he was the only one I had in the world, the only one. It's the last time I shall visit him. . . . The doctors say I shall soon die of drink, so here I have come to say good-bye. One must forgive one's enemies."

We left the actor to converse with the dead Mushkin and went on. It began drizzling a fine cold rain.

At the turning into the principal avenue strewn with gravel, we met a funeral procession. Four bearers, wearing white calico sashes and muddy high boots with leaves sticking on them, carried the brown coffin. It was getting dark and they hastened, stumbling and shaking their burden. . . .

"We've only been walking here for a couple of hours and that is the third brought in already. . . . Shall we go home, friends?"
/
Attachments:

AN ENIGMATIC NATURE

by Anton Chekhov

ON the red velvet seat of a first-class railway carriage a pretty lady sits half reclining. An expensive fluffy fan trembles in her tightly closed fingers, a pince-nez keeps dropping off her pretty little nose, the brooch heaves and falls on her bosom, like a boat on the ocean. She is greatly agitated.

On the seat opposite sits the Provincial Secretary of Special Commissions, a budding young author, who from time to time publishes long stories of high life, or "Novelli" as he calls them, in the leading paper of the province. He is gazing into her face, gazing intently, with the eyes of a connoisseur. He is watching, studying, catching every shade of this exceptional, enigmatic nature. He understands it, he fathoms it. Her soul, her whole psychology lies open before him.

"Oh, I understand, I understand you to your inmost depths!" says the Secretary of Special Commissions, kissing her hand near the bracelet. "Your sensitive, responsive soul is seeking to escape from the maze of ---- Yes, the struggle is terrific, titanic. But do not lose heart, you will be triumphant! Yes!"

"Write about me, Voldemar!" says the pretty lady, with a mournful smile. "My life has been so full, so varied, so chequered. Above all, I am unhappy. I am a suffering soul in some page of Dostoevsky. Reveal my soul to the world, Voldemar. Reveal that hapless soul. You are a psychologist. We have not been in the train an hour together, and you have already fathomed my heart."

"Tell me! I beseech you, tell me!"

"Listen. My father was a poor clerk in the Service. He had a good heart and was not without intelligence; but the spirit of the age -- of his environment -- vous comprenez? -- I do not blame my poor father. He drank, gambled, took bribes. My mother -- but why say more? Poverty, the struggle for daily bread, the consciousness of insignificance -- ah, do not force me to recall it! I had to make my own way. You know the monstrous education at a boarding-school, foolish novel-reading, the errors of early youth, the first timid flutter of love. It was awful! The vacillation! And the agonies of losing faith in life, in oneself! Ah, you are an author. You know us women. You will understand. Unhappily I have an intense nature. I looked for happiness -- and what happiness! I longed to set my soul free. Yes. In that I saw my happiness!"

"Exquisite creature!" murmured the author, kissing her hand close to the bracelet. "It's not you I am kissing, but the suffering of humanity. Do you remember Raskolnikov and his kiss?"

"Oh, Voldemar, I longed for glory, renown, success, like every -- why affect modesty? -- every nature above the commonplace. I yearned for something extraordinary, above the common lot of woman! And then -- and then -- there crossed my path -- an old general -- very well off. Understand me, Voldemar! It was self-sacrifice, renunciation! You must see that! I could do nothing else. I restored the family fortunes, was able to travel, to do good. Yet how I suffered, how revolting, how loathsome to me were his embraces -- though I will be fair to him -- he had fought nobly in his day. There were moments -- terrible moments -- but I was kept up by the thought that from day to day the old man might die, that then I would begin to live as I liked, to give myself to the man I adore -- be happy. There is such a man, Voldemar, indeed there is!"

The pretty lady flutters her fan more violently. Her face takes a lachrymose expression. She goes on:

"But at last the old man died. He left me something. I was free as a bird of the air. Now is the moment for me to be happy, isn't it, Voldemar? Happiness comes tapping at my window, I had only to let it in -- but -- Voldemar, listen, I implore you! Now is the time for me to give myself to the man I love, to become the partner of his life, to help, to uphold his ideals, to be happy -- to find rest -- but -- how ignoble, repulsive, and senseless all our life is! How mean it all is, Voldemar. I am wretched, wretched, wretched! Again there is an obstacle in my path! Again I feel that my happiness is far, far away! Ah, what anguish! -- if only you knew what anguish!"

"But what -- what stands in your way? I implore you tell me! What is it?"

"Another old general, very well off----"

The broken fan conceals the pretty little face. The author props on his fist his thought -- heavy brow and ponders with the air of a master in psychology. The engine is whistling and hissing while the window curtains flush red with the glow of the setting sun.
/
Attachments:

MY CARROT!!!!!!!!!!!
Attachments:

Ludwig Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> MY CARROT!!!!!!!!!!!


Harry Tuttle is a direct descendant of Kunta Kintay.

but do not stay a slave

why did Lavarr Burton turn into the dad from Good Times though

i find myself reading less and less of your posts everyday. much like the news. i like pirates and boats but i wouldnt read anything about them. i would maybe watch one documentary or maybe a youtube clip but that will be the most extent i wouled go throuw. i just want to dance.

Attachments:

bloody blisters Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> i find myself reading less and less of your posts
> everyday. much like the news. i like pirates and
> boats but i wouldnt read anything about them. i
> would maybe watch one documentary or maybe a
> youtube clip but that will be the most extent i
> wouled go throuw. i just want to dance.


what the F is that supposed to mean



now you're being a jerk to me? why do you have to be like that man