Off-Topic :
Fairfax Underground
Welcome to Fairfax Underground, a project site designed to improve communication among residents of Fairfax County, VA. Feel free to post anything Northern Virginia residents would find interesting.
An Open Letter to Aimee Gallagher, daughter of comedian Gallagher
Dear Aimee,
I apologize for communicating with you unbidden. The death of your father, a national treasure, has truly devastated me. I am compelled to write you to share what he has meant to me over the years. While my loss is minuscule compared to yours, I feel a bit of commiseration might help us both in these dark days.
I fell in love with Gallagher while watching some of his early specials on Showtime. I’d sit next to my mom, and we would laugh ourselves crazy. What a guy: he had the well-reasoned arguments of ancient Greek philosopher; the knowing, dense patter, mustache, and quickness of wit of a young Groucho Marx; the athleticism of an Olympian; and the musical chops of a Beatle. Heady and inspirational for young man!
I was hooked. I wore Gallagher merchandise to school and spoke endlessly to my friends about him. I was too young to attend some of his shows when he was at the height of his powers but collected all his output that I could. When I was old enough to have some independence from my parents, I was essentially the Gallagherian equivalent of a Dead Head – following him from venue to venue while living in my car.
He often stood around outside before the shows. I desperately wanted to talk to him - and he must have realized I was a dedicated devotee – but I was too scared to engage beyond a feeble nod. How do you talk to God?
As the years went by, I had two children, Leona Melon and John Gallagher. Both named after my hero Leo Gallagher. Regrettably I am no longer allowed to contact them, but they are a living embodiment of my love for the late Mr. Gallagher.
I became very angry in the 1990s, as it seemed undeservingly Gallagher’s star was fading. His output was as solid as ever, yet the public began treating him with more and more aloofness. I blame the rise of the Internet, and the band Oasis. I am working on a research paper on this topic. In summary, I think people who searched for Gallagher on the early Internet were misdirected to results about the Gallagher brothers (glorified soccer hooligans and general hacks) of Oasis. It is no coincidence to me that the rise of Oasis’ popularity and the ebb of Gallaghers are inversely correlated. They rise to superstardom was fueled by Gallagher’s store of talent. Big Music is hard to fight, and had they not had their foot on the scales of search results, he would have remained large in the public consciousness.
I was able to retire early as a very wealthy man. I’ve now dedicated my life unreservedly to Gallagher and am trying to spread the “good news” however I can in whatever forum I can find. I plan to open a Gallagher Comedy Museum and Institute in Florida in the coming years. Part of it will be museum and tribute: paraphernalia, artifacts from his career, and multiple theaters where his specials will be screened around the clock. The rest will be a “reading room” style library where scholars and dedicated students can study his work and technique. I can provide you with more information about my endeavors, and would welcome the imprimatur your support of them would provide.
In conclusion, Gallagher has changed my life for the better. The world lost a legend, a hero, and a comedic genius. The world will never be the same. The least I can do to repay him is to create a vehicle, such as this institute, to share his comedy and sagacity with others. Hopefully in time, he will be given the kudos and respect he so deserved but never found in his later years.
Gal's brother will no doubt continue with the whole gallagher schtick. Last thing Gallagher ever wanted was for his brother to rip off his act; but apparently that will no doubt happen. If you lack talent in Showbiz borrow a successful act.
Really hard to want to stay alive knowing Gallagher is gone. Trying. How are you guys making out? I am not ready for an exit kit but it’s getting harder each day to say that.
The sweet release of death is indeed an option I would swiftly usher you towards. Gallagher stands waiting at the pearly gates. Three members of my local Gallagher Fan Club chapter have elected to leave this mortal coil. Two suffocated themselves using helium bags. One committed suicide by being beaten to death. I am sure you can find instructions on line for either of these methods.
My question is has Gallagher been embalmed like Lenin or Mao? I hope so. I think it is part of every American's civic duty to pass by his body and offer their thanks.
But, come on. We need to pick up the comedy torch folks. Let's find or become our new hero. "It's ok to look back, but don't stare too long."
Grim Reaper Wrote:
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> My question is has Gallagher been embalmed like
> Lenin or Mao? I hope so. I think it is part of
> every American's civic duty to pass by his body
> and offer their thanks.
>
> But, come on. We need to pick up the comedy torch
> folks. Let's find or become our new hero. "It's ok
> to look back, but don't stare too long."
Gallagher has indeed been embalmed -- but not exactly like Lenin or Mao. Gallagher was embalmed with a special blend of watermelon juice.
There will be an upcoming tribute show/service where Gallagher's body will be wheeled out on stage in front of a live audience and his old jokes will be replayed. At the finale of the show, a large wooden mallet will be brought on stage and Gallagher's body will be ceremoniously smashed to bits. The audience, having waited with eager anticipation, will scream with glee as they are sprayed with lovely droplets of watermelon flavored bodily fluids and bits of flesh.
When our constitutional rights are under attack by Democrats who will violate the constitution at will and have in our history too many times
This one troll poster only stupid Gallagher story is boring without pics that are indecent to the average person as that's is all some want to see so don't waste your time OP with frivolous bullshit writing for shits and grins without readers and instead write real truths about Democrats trying to take our rights away with no reasonable regulations only unconstitutional bans
At least you will be doing a service to your country's future
Answer to your question Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Gallagher has indeed been embalmed -- but not
> exactly like Lenin or Mao. Gallagher was embalmed
> with a special blend of watermelon juice.
>
> There will be an upcoming tribute show/service
> where Gallagher's body will be wheeled out on
> stage in front of a live audience and his old
> jokes will be replayed. At the finale of the
> show, a large wooden mallet will be brought on
> stage and Gallagher's body will be ceremoniously
> smashed to bits. The audience, having waited with
> eager anticipation, will scream with glee as they
> are sprayed with lovely droplets of watermelon
> flavored bodily fluids and bits of flesh.
That would be awesome and I'm sure Gallagher himself would approve. If not his real body, at least smash a dummy filled with watermelon in effigy.
"Long Posts Are Only Read" you have quite an interesting name! I'm glad you could read my post, and I thank you for your comment.
Is it only long posts you read? I'm sorry that I'm not necessarily talking only about what you want to talk about. Maybe Truth Social would be more your speed?
Like Gallagher, I am a confirmed libertarian and bedroom hedonist. I think both democrats and republicans are co-opted by interests aligned against the common man. But, if anything can bring people of different stripes together, comedy can.
Let's celebrate Gallagher together, LPAOR. I have much more fun and laughter queued up - from the GallaghArchives!
All She Wants to Do Is Dance
by Don Henley feat Gallagher
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They're pickin' up the prisoners
And putting 'em in a pen
And all he wants to do is smash, smash
Rebels been rebels
Since I don't know when
And all he wants to do is smash
Molotov cocktail
The local drink
And all he wants to do is smash, smash
They mix 'em up right
In the kitchen sink
And all he wants to do is smash
Crazy people walkin' round
With blood in their eyes
And all he wants to do is smash, smash, smash
Wild-eyed pistol-wavers
Who ain't afraid to die
And all he wants to do is
All he wants to do is smash
[Chorus]
And make you laugh
He can feel the heat
Comin off the street
He wants to party
He wants to get down
All he wants to do is
All he wants to do is smash
Well the government bugged the men's room
In the local disco lounge
And all he wants to do is smash, smash
To keep the boys from sellin'
All the weapons they could scrounge
And all he wants to do is smash
But that don't keep the boys
From makin' a buck or two
And all he wants to do is smash, smash
They still can sell the army
All the drugs that they can do
And all he wants to do is
All he wants to do is smash
And make you laugh
Well, we barely made the airport
For the last plane out
As we taxied down the runway
I could hear the people shout
They said, "Don't come back here, Yankee"
But if I ever do
I'll bring more money
'Cause all he wants to do is smash
[Chorus]
And make you laugh
Never mind the heat
Comin' off the street
He wants to party
He wants to get down
All he wants to do is
All he wants to do is smash
I realize the best part of love is the thinnest slice
And it don't count for much
But I'm not letting go
I believe there's still much to believe in
So lift your eyes if you feel you can
Reach for a comic and I'll show you a man
I figured it out
What I needed was Showtime’s Gallagher
You know you can't fool me
You’ve been smashing fruit too long
It started so easy
You want to carry on
Lost in love and I don't know much
Was I thinking aloud and fell out of touch?
But I'm back on my feet and eager to be what you wanted
So lift your eyes if you feel you can
Reach for a star and I'll show you a man
I figured it out
What I needed was Showtime’s Gallagher
You know you can't fool me
You’ve been smashing fruit too long
It started so easy
You want to carry on
Lost in love and I don't know much
Was I thinking aloud and fell out of touch?
But I'm back on my feet and eager to be what you wanted
You know you can't fool me
You’ve been smashing fruit too long
It started so easy
You want to carry on
Lost in love and I don't know much
Was I thinking aloud and fell out of touch?
But I'm back on my feet and eager to be what you wanted
Now I'm lost, lost in love, lost in love, lost in love
Now I'm lost, lost in love, lost in love, lost in love
Lost in love, lost in love, lost in love
Lost in love, lost in love, lost in love
Guys, should we petition Cary to create a Gallagher specific forum on Fairfax Underground? That is, the three categories would be "Fairfax County General", "Off-Topic", and "Gallagher - America's Comic"?
I am finding that the "all Gallagher related messages in a single thread" concept is quite limiting. I think we need more lebensraum.
Gallagher is a comedy genius. Please do enjoy these gems.
Love, GS
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What does the Smartest Man in the World think about...
Bill and Hillary confuse America. Who has the cajones in that family? Since they're both politicians, I think they've made a deal and they each have one.
A President Hillary would confuse state dinners too. After a meal, couples like to walk and talk. Usually the men talk and the women talk. But Hillary would need to talk to the man with power. That leaves Bill to talk to the wife and that's not smart for anybody.
Well-known ana-wreck-sick Nicole Richie had to stop trying to breast feed her new baby when the poor little thing's cheeks collapsed and mamma' was treated for a hickie on her tittie.
Don't send money to rebuild New Orleans, send dirt. You don't look up at a river!
How does a slut feel? Whore-a-ble.
If we dump anti-freeze down the drains why are we surprised the poles are melting? Duh!
Why don't kids pull up their pants? They can't run from the cops with their pants half off. Duh!
Why do girls put a butterfly over their but? There's no nectar down there.
There's a sign on the side of the road that explains why we fart. It says,"Gas...Food Lodging."
Why does it say "On" and "Off" on a light switch? If it's on you can see it's on and if it's off, you can't see to read.
Well we elected Bush because he was the kinda guy you could have a beer with and now things are so bad we're drinking. Happy now?