I am a coward, liar, and cheater
I am a coward, a cheater, a liar, a manipulator. I tarnished the bond we once had without you knowing. You showed me compassion and forgiveness when I made my first mistakes, yet the only lesson I learned was to hide it better. I am a liar.
The biggest coward, because if I did tell you all I have done, I would have manipulated my way out of it and honestly it’s too much work for me. A horrible person i know, not because I have cheated countless time, but because I have no motive to apologize for it.
Where do I begin?
The only time I will go chasing after you, is if I have lost you. Yet- when I know you are there, I discard you. I give all those precious words to other people simply because I like the chase.
But even though I am a liar, I am a cheater. I still love you and would do anything for you. You are in my mind as the person I will forever grow with despite what I tell other people. These thoughts are continuations of the memories of you I replay in my dreams; your smile, your voice, our conversations. To hold you and look you in the eyes, to cook dinner with you, to go out and explore with you, to succeed in life together. Though I have the chance to appreciate those kinds of moments with you and you alone. I can’t help the temptation that surrounds me and I’ve done too much and I yearn it to a fault… I cannot go back.
The care you give me motivates me to love everything much deeper and more patiently, cherishing each bit of life with compassion and love. Yet, I take that for granted and use it to make you feel comfortable just so that you don’t suspect.
All I can do now is to silently reassure you that I am sorry and that I do care for you- by simple actions but not words. I know you are curious in your day-to-day life why I am glued to my phone… and sometimes even upset or sad, or feeling as though you are not enough, just know that you are.. it’s me who is trying to fill a irreplaceable void. No one compares to you and I appreciate the amazing person that you are. You are one of a kind and my heart will always be yours because of how special you are. No one else will truly have me. No words can express how I feel for you and the amount of gratitude that I have for having such a wonderful person like you in my life.
A coward, a cheater, a liar, a manipulator. I tarnished the bond we once had without you knowing. Maybe one day I’ll be tethered to just one heart, but not today.
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