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Fairfax Underground
Welcome to Fairfax Underground, a project site designed to improve communication among residents of Fairfax County, VA. Feel free to post anything Northern Virginia residents would find interesting.
Brown Onion Wrote:
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> Hope he enjoys his new hobby
>
> cannot stand the “did you evacuate your
> bowels?” Or “how often do you evacuate your
> bowels?”
>
> These medical people think they’re the shit, and
> use such terminology to reinforce their
> superiority over those of us with bowel problems.
You're the one who insists on using the word 'bowels'.
How the fuck do you want your doctor to ask you if you took a dump?
"Did you make Brown Bears when sitting on the groan throne?"
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Why would a doctor even ask? It's so much more enjoyable and often exciting to just peer up there and have a look. When I find a doctor who gets on his knees, sticks his head between my cheeks and gazes deeply into my bowels I like to reward him with a nice torrent of pressurized chocolate soft serv. Such lucky docs will gobble it up without missing a drop.
Brown Onion and I generally accompany each other to our doctor visits, and we go to the same doctors.
Any trip to the doctor should involve a thorough rectal exam. Some doctors will attempt to perform this procedure using only their finger. So if you bend over for a rectal exam and have to ask "is it in yet", run, do not walk, to the next doctor. A good doctor will perform rectal exams with his large, firm, ungloved penis. The penis is much longer and thicker than a finger and it is much more sensitive so it can detect abnormalities much better. Any doctor who uses his finger is a quack -- or he has a very small dick.
So nice people waste time here with false stories. Thank you for acknowledging your fondness for my discussions on IBS, and supporting those with this condition. You also prove my hypothesis. People with superior bowels are smug lying assholes who treat us as lepers.
Glad Brown made a return. A lot of anger by this person he calls the blocker. I’m proud of Brown for returning, and his grandchildren have taught him a few new computer tricks, to stop the nonsense thrown his way.
Brown Onion Wrote:
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> So nice people waste time here with false stories.
> Thank you for acknowledging your fondness for my
> discussions on IBS, and supporting those with this
> condition. You also prove my hypothesis. People
> with superior bowels are smug lying assholes who
> treat us as lepers.
How do your stories about poo help IBS sufferers?
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Rusty 1965 Wrote:
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> Glad Brown made a return. A lot of anger by this
> person he calls the blocker. I’m proud of Brown
> for returning
Of course Brown made a return. When he dies he always announces it via one of his sock puppets. I'm glad our lord and savior has taught him a few tricks about resurrection from the dead. In any event he wasn't dead this time but there was a small fire.
A couple days ago Brown Onion and I had been having another roughage-fueled all-night anal sex session with our buddy Mitch, which left quite an impressive mound of excrement in the bed. There was a puddle of urine in the middle of the shit. Brown was browsing some scat porn and absent-mindedly plopped his laptop down into the liquid while still powered on. There was a flurry of sparks and the smell of burning urine and feces filled the air as flames shot up.
Luckily a member of Mitch McConnell's security detail noticed the smell and flames and pulled the smoldering laptop from the steaming pile of shit. It was sent off to Mr. Mac Isaac's repair shop in Delaware and Brown just got it back yesterday afternoon.
Gay lover of Brown Onion Wrote:
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> Rusty 1965 Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > Glad Brown made a return. A lot of anger by
> this
> > person he calls the blocker. I’m proud of
> Brown
> > for returning
>
> Of course Brown made a return. When he dies he
> always announces it via one of his sock puppets.
> I'm glad our lord and savior has taught him a few
> tricks about resurrection from the dead. In any
> event he wasn't dead this time but there was a
> small fire.
>
> A couple days ago Brown Onion and I had been
> having another roughage-fueled all-night anal sex
> session with our buddy Mitch, which left quite an
> impressive mound of excrement in the bed. There
> was a puddle of urine in the middle of the shit.
> Brown was browsing some scat porn and
> absent-mindedly plopped his laptop down into the
> liquid while still powered on. There was a flurry
> of sparks and the smell of burning urine and feces
> filled the air as flames shot up.
>
> Luckily a member of Mitch McConnell's security
> detail noticed the smell and flames and pulled the
> smoldering laptop from the steaming pile of shit.
> It was sent off to Mr. Mac Isaac's repair shop in
> Delaware and Brown just got it back yesterday
> afternoon.
It is so nice that you are helping an elderly gentleman transition to death. Is he still clueless that his prestigious guests are nothing more than members of McLean's gay community playing dress up?
Pillar of the community Onion Wrote:
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> It is so nice that you are helping an elderly
> gentleman transition to death. Is he still
> clueless that his prestigious guests are nothing
> more than members of McLean's gay community
> playing dress up?
Yes Brown Onion does get confused quite often. I used to take him to dog parks and he quite enjoyed being outdoors. He would get down on hands and knees to sniff the asses of other dogs, then wolf down the tasty piles of dogshit he found.
Sadly we have had to stop going to dog parks. Last time we were there, a typical horny hound dog tried to mount him from behind. For reasons unknown, Brown thought the dog was Elvis Presley and actually removed his pants to give the dog access to his starfish. He launched in to singing "You ain't nothin' but a hound dog..." while pushing his hips back into the happy hound who was humping away to the shock and horror of other visitors to the dog park. After the dog climaxed, we were asked to leave.
Gay lover of Brown Onion Wrote:
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> Pillar of the community Onion Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > It is so nice that you are helping an elderly
> > gentleman transition to death. Is he still
> > clueless that his prestigious guests are
> nothing
> > more than members of McLean's gay community
> > playing dress up?
>
> Yes Brown Onion does get confused quite often. I
> used to take him to dog parks and he quite enjoyed
> being outdoors. He would get down on hands and
> knees to sniff the asses of other dogs, then wolf
> down the tasty piles of dogshit he found.
>
> Sadly we have had to stop going to dog parks.
> Last time we were there, a typical horny hound dog
> tried to mount him from behind. For reasons
> unknown, Brown thought the dog was Elvis Presley
> and actually removed his pants to give the dog
> access to his starfish. He launched in to singing
> "You ain't nothin' but a hound dog..." while
> pushing his hips back into the happy hound who was
> humping away to the shock and horror of other
> visitors to the dog park. After the dog climaxed,
> we were asked to leave.
Gay lover of Brown Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Why would a doctor even ask? It's so much more
> enjoyable and often exciting to just peer up there
> and have a look. When I find a doctor who gets on
> his knees, sticks his head between my cheeks and
> gazes deeply into my bowels I like to reward him
> with a nice torrent of pressurized chocolate soft
> serv. Such lucky docs will gobble it up without
> missing a drop.
>
> Brown Onion and I generally accompany each other
> to our doctor visits, and we go to the same
> doctors.
>
> Any trip to the doctor should involve a thorough
> rectal exam. Some doctors will attempt to perform
> this procedure using only their finger. So if you
> bend over for a rectal exam and have to ask "is it
> in yet", run, do not walk, to the next doctor. A
> good doctor will perform rectal exams with his
> large, firm, ungloved penis. The penis is much
> longer and thicker than a finger and it is much
> more sensitive so it can detect abnormalities much
> better. Any doctor who uses his finger is a quack
> -- or he has a very small dick.
I don't have any bowel problems but a rectal exam is part of my regular doctor visits. Typically I start singing "Moon River". But "Is it in yet?" sounds much better. Thanks for the idea.
I have one 'life hack' that works wonders for those rectal exams. I purposely do not evacuate my bowels before going. If I'm lucky, I might even have a 'turtle' coming out when I drop trou'. Most doctors act like they don't care. Some send my off to the restroom to clear the path. Then there are the members of the 'bowels brigade'. The type who went to med school since they love poking at poop while it is fresh in the body.
Gay lover of Brown Onion Wrote:
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> A
> good doctor will perform rectal exams with his
> large, firm, ungloved penis. The penis is much
> longer and thicker than a finger and it is much
> more sensitive so it can detect abnormalities much
> better. Any doctor who uses his finger is a quack
> -- or he has a very small dick.
A doctor has more nerves and sensitivity in his penis than he does in his finger. So if your doctor starts putting on gloves, you should demand he use his penis and give you a proper exam. Mine uses a thin condom just to keep his semen from shooting up my ass and then leaking out to cause an embarrassing stain as I leave the office.
These write ups continue to deteriorate. No one in my profession does this kind of untoward act. User name Brown Onion and you other degenerates need to grow up.
Retired GI Wrote:
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> These write ups continue to deteriorate. No one in
> my profession does this kind of untoward act. User
> name Brown Onion and you other degenerates need to
> grow up.
My neighbor, Brown Onion, is correct. There is so much intolerance and ignorance to our adult lifestyle. I get a fasting blood draw as part of my checkups. I get my pooper poke after my blood is taken. My Doctor doesn't use a condom. As the examination is reaching its climax, he just turns me over and I get a quick protein blast to break my fast.
Dad and the obese neighbor are selling jenkum from grandmas station wagon. Apparently they have a two for one deal. I took business classes at college, and they don’t believe that, them wearing little bikinis will not help them financially. Dad is so rude towards my knowledge, and even the obese neighbor doesn’t seem to care either about their marketing efforts. I predict they’ll be arrested for selling jenkum, but grandma will make me a good sandwich with vegetables.