Harry Tuttle Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Dr. Teri...
>
> What's up with my moods?


Hello, Dr. Tuttle. May I call you Harry?

I don't think there's anything "up" with your moods.
We are complex organisms responding to our constantly changing environment.
If your mood remained unchanged, it would reflect a defect in your brain chemistry.

Embrace your moods, Harry. A straight liner, you never want to be.

Now, I do have tomorrow at 2:30 open, if you'd like to explore the ins and outs of this confusing subject.... in my office.

Isn't there a fine line between being adventurous and being dangerously unstable? Isn't stability something to strive for?

Dr. Teri Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Hello, Dr. Tuttle. May I call you Harry?
>
> I don't think there's anything "up" with your
> moods.
> We are complex organisms responding to our
> constantly changing environment.
> If your mood remained unchanged, it would reflect
> a defect in your brain chemistry.
>
> Embrace your moods, Harry. A straight liner, you
> never want to be.
>
> Now, I do have tomorrow at 2:30 open, if you'd
> like to explore the ins and outs of this confusing
> subject.... in my office.

Signatures are for fags

Harry Tuttle Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Isn't there a fine line between being adventurous
> and being dangerously unstable?

There is always that fine line.

I think of it as an area, a muddy grey area, with boundaries unique to each of us. A sort of "no fly zone", which, if ignored, can suck you into the land of circus freaks and clowns.

> Isn't stability
> something to strive for?

Yes, but beware of complacency, should you forget where that fine line resides.

Can I help you with anything else today, Mr. Tuttle?

You really didn't help me with much at all... It would help if you could tell me how to find the balance... To define the line... Why can't the line be plotted and graphed? Why must we all fumble blindly through life and approximate the line through trial and error?

Signatures are for fags

Harry Tuttle Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> You really didn't help me with much at all...

That's a shame considering what I'm charging you.

> It would help if you could tell me how to find the
> balance... To define the line...

I could help you find the balance you seek, but this would require an in-depth analysis of your personality, your desires, the manner and intensity with which you seek pleasure and your ability or inability to delay gratification.

> Why can't the
> line be plotted and graphed?

Ah, yes... wouldn't that be nice, but alas, the line is quite invisible, although, we can learn to detect the warning signs when wandering within striking distance.

> Why must we all
> fumble blindly through life and approximate the
> line through trial and error?

It's the price of life, Harry.

Dr. Teri,
How do I choose the best plumbs for making a pie.

thanks,
warm pie
Attachments:

What is the easiest way to learn a foreign language?

How did you learn your first language?

Rosetta Stone Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> What is the easiest way to learn a foreign
> language?

Signatures are for fags

warm pie Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Dr. Teri,
> How do I choose the best plumbs for making a pie.
>
> thanks,
> warm pie


Greetings warm pie,

Take a plum and squeeze it gently in the palm of your hand. It should feel firm but not hard. Firm springy plums will become tender during baking without losing their shape.

Avoid plums with cracks or blemishes.

yum, yum.
Attachments:

Dear Dr. Teri, Don't know if you recall me posting to you about the young waitress with all the extracurricular activities but I decided not to find out were the young lady had gone off to but you see I walked into this bar I hadn't been in for awhile and i'll be darned...... is that some kind of kismet or should I head for the bars of clarendon and flirt with the young female bartenders down there fully knowing they just want bigger tips or maybe you could arrange a meeting with rachel weisz

Do you know of any over the counter erection pills that actually work?

Dear Dr. Teri, You posted something about me needing some icebags taped to my testicles if I called you old again. You are female Dr. Teri? and who would do the taping of said icebags to my testicles

Lamont Sanford Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Dear Dr. Teri, You posted something about me
> needing some icebags taped to my testicles if I
> called you old again.

Yes, I subscribe to the theory that punishment acts as a deterrent to socially unacceptable behavior.

> You are female Dr. Teri?

Yes, Mr. Sanford, I am. I hope that fact doesn't bother you.

> and
> who would do the taping of said icebags to my
> testicles

My assistant, Mr. Eyeballs.
Attachments:

Dr. Teri,

Do you think this shirt is OK to wear at work?

lemme no,
D.D.
Attachments:

D.D. Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Dr. Teri,
>
> Do you think this shirt is OK to wear at work?
>
> lemme no,
> D.D.


D.D. The good Lord has seen fit to bestow many gifts on you my child. I urge
you to to show your appreciation and love with me in a special thanksgiving celebration at my rectory say about 7ish this Sat.. Together a consummation of our spiritual thanks for this bountiful and overflowing kindness you have received will take place. PS: Does D.D. stand for down and dirty.

Dear Dr. Teri,

Do you think you may have jumped the shark when you posted the picture of your "assistant, Mr. Eyeballs" ?

Orchidometer Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Dear Dr. Teri,
>
> Do you think you may have jumped the shark when
> you posted the picture of your "assistant, Mr.
> Eyeballs" ?


no

Dear yuteful Dr. Teri, I think I'd pass on your assistant Mr. Eyeballs but if D.D. wants to kick me in the groin and then tape icebags to my testicles, well I don't think I'd object. I'd venture to say I'd need new icebags every hour for a few days.

Dr. Teri, This is sort of car related but does involve improving my people dealing skills. I had a tire with slow leak and went to Just Tires and asked them to replace tire with slow leak and then rotate tires. I didn't really check the tires when I got the car back I just assumed, yes I know. Anyways they put the tire with the slow leak in the front which I just noticed yesterday when the tire was almost flat and replaced one of my good tires with a new tire. Dr. Teri I have some anger issues dealing with morons how should I approach the numbnut at the shop without letting my already high blood pressure from escalating even more (dangling)? I was thinking maybe a few beers before I go in.

D.D. Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Dr. Teri,
>
> Do you think this shirt is OK to wear at work?
>
> lemme no,
> D.D.

That shirt is not OK to wear to work, D.D., although it's difficult to imagine you gainfully employed.

Given your particular talent you might consider entering this exciting contest.

Hope you win, D.D.

Knatly

Lamont sanford Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Dear yuteful Dr. Teri, I think I'd pass on your
> assistant Mr. Eyeballs but if D.D. wants to kick
> me in the groin and then tape icebags to my
> testicles, well I don't think I'd object. I'd
> venture to say I'd need new icebags every hour for
> a few days.

Unfortunately, D.D. can't stop bouncing long enough to manage such a task.

> Dr. Teri, This is sort of car related but does
> involve improving my people dealing skills. I had
> a tire with slow leak and went to Just Tires and
> asked them to replace tire with slow leak and then
> rotate tires. I didn't really check the tires when
> I got the car back I just assumed, yes I know.
> Anyways they put the tire with the slow leak in
> the front which I just noticed yesterday when the
> tire was almost flat and replaced one of my good
> tires with a new tire. Dr. Teri I have some anger
> issues dealing with morons how should I approach
> the numbnut at the shop without letting my already
> high blood pressure from escalating even more
> (dangling)? I was thinking maybe a few beers
> before I go in.


Before you return to Just Tires do the following:

1. Put a six pack of beer and a sledgehammer in your car.

2. Place all your anger in an imaginary suitcase and zip it up.

When you feel relaxed and anger free, calmly drive to Just Tires and politely explain how they rotated your slow leak and replaced the wrong tire.

If they deny the mistake and think you're trying to get a free tire, leave the shop, return to your car and do the following:

1. Drink the beer and let your anger out of the suitcase.

2. Take the sledgehammer, walk into Just Tires and start smashing everything in sight. Windows, cars, tires, the coffee machine, telephones, everything.

3. Then, dangle the sledgehammer in front of the numbnut who made the mistake and ask him if he'd mind putting a new tire on your car.

Please let me know how this works out for you.

Dear Dr. Teri,

Do you think you may have jumped the shark when you encouraged one of your correspondents to engage in acts of criminal violence?

Police Officer Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Dear Dr. Teri,
>
> Do you think you may have jumped the shark when
> you encouraged one of your correspondents to
> engage in acts of criminal violence?

Dear Policeman,

I don't go near sharks. I don't care if they're nice sharks, little sharks or dead sharks. So, I certainly wouldn't jump over one.

Now, I'm a busy person, so unless you have a problem you'd like me to solve, why don't you turn on your siren and skadoddle outta here.

Dear Officer Friendly, I certainly don't want to speak for Dr. Teri but I get jokes. What I believe Doc Teri is saying is I should approach the situation with a sense of humor and what goes best with a sense of humor but a 6 pack of beer. Maybe D.D. might like to tag along and do that bouncing thing she does so well at the tire shop and get me that new tire I think I deserve. Hell I know it would brighten my day even if I don't get the tire. I'm sorry I seem to be fixating on D.D. I don't know why? Perhaps Dr. Teri could address that?

Lamont Sanford Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Dear Officer Friendly, I certainly don't want to
> speak for Dr. Teri but I get jokes. What I believe
> Doc Teri is saying is I should approach the
> situation with a sense of humor and what goes best
> with a sense of humor but a 6 pack of beer.

Exactly!

> Maybe D.D. might like to tag along and do that bouncing
> thing she does so well at the tire shop and get me
> that new tire I think I deserve.

Do you realize that in less than 10 years, D.D.'s bouncing globs of fat will be bouncing around her knees?

> Hell I know it
> would brighten my day even if I don't get the
> tire. I'm sorry I seem to be fixating on D.D. I
> don't know why? Perhaps Dr. Teri could address that?

Stop looking at that tart and focus on getting your goddamn tire replaced.

Dear Dr. Teri, I will get replacement tire tomorrow but I'll be thinking of that tart while I'm going thru that crap.

Come on D.D. please more new dresses for us to admire

Dr.Teri,
My 10yo daughter wants a new bikini top. Do you think something like this would attract too much attention from pervs?
Attachments:

Mr. Softy Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Do you know of any over the counter erection pills
> that actually work?


Endurnz is an herbal product that has helped some men in your situation. Side affects can include giant prolonged erections which make zipping up pants almost impossible.
Shocked looks from your neighbors and co-workers should be expected.

Before experimenting with herbal concoctions, you should consider this:

Lots of people love Mister Softee.

Lamont Sanford Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Dear Dr. Teri, I will get replacement tire
> tomorrow but I'll be thinking of that tart while
> I'm going thru that crap.
>

Lamone, here is a peek at the future D.D. Think about THAT tomorrow.

Dear Dr. Teri

I have a problem when i scroll down a thread on here.

Suddenly everything gets elongated and repeated like a bazillion

times. It doesn't happen anywhere else on the internet.

Can you help me?

Conchita

That means one of the psychotic stalkers on this forum have hacked into your computer. Not only can they see all your files, but they could even post from your name if they wanted to.

I would erase my hard drive... (unfortunately you won't be able to back up any files, as their backdoor might get preserved in the process....

But, I suppose if you're feeling lucky, you may want to just unplug your computer (both power and ethernet) for 48 hours... It's a long-shot, but that may cause the backdoor from losing its connection.

You haven't a moment to spare...

Conie Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Dear Dr. Teri
>
> I have a problem when i scroll down a thread on
> here.
>
> Suddenly everything gets elongated and repeated
> like a bazillion
>
> times. It doesn't happen anywhere else on the
> internet.
>
> Can you help me?
>
> Conchita

Signatures are for fags

Harry Tuttle Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> That means one of the psychotic stalkers on this
> forum have hacked into your computer. Not only can
> they see all your files, but they could even post
> from your name if they wanted to.
>
> I would erase my hard drive... (unfortunately you
> won't be able to back up any files, as their
> backdoor might get preserved in the process....
>
> But, I suppose if you're feeling lucky, you may
> want to just unplug your computer (both power and
> ethernet) for 48 hours... It's a long-shot, but
> that may cause the backdoor from losing its
> connection.
>
> You haven't a moment to spare...
>
> Conie Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > Dear Dr. Teri
> >
> > I have a problem when i scroll down a thread on
> > here.
> >
> > Suddenly everything gets elongated and repeated
> > like a bazillion
> >
> > times. It doesn't happen anywhere else on the
> > internet.
> >
> > Can you help me?
> >
> > Conchita


Yeah, conie, I'd un-plug now, because we don't know WTF you are talking about.

concerned mother Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Dr.Teri,
> My 10yo daughter wants a new bikini top. Do you
> think something like this would attract too much
> attention from pervs?


Yes, I do, concerned mother.

Push up bikini tops are not appropriate attire for little girls and you shouldn't need me to tell you this.

I never permitted my daughters to shop at Abercrombie & Fitch. When one of them did, I accompanied her to the store and made her return every item.
When asked the reason for return, my daughter had difficulty explaining, so I, in a loud and clear voice, said, "My daughters are not permitted to shop in a store that promotes sexual exploitation of little girls."

I then suggested they post a sign in the store... "Make a pedophile's day, buy your daughter's clothing at Abercrombie & Fitch".

Actually, I have often wondered if a pedophile or two might be employed in the upper management of this store.

Just say no to Abercrombie & Fitch.

Ah doc Teri, I thought quite aq bit about D.D. today but alas she appears to be gone with the wind. Should I just go back to my lonely room and drink 6 packs and watch old movies and sports. I'm tired of the bars, too many obnoxius 20 somethings(alas I fear I was just as obnoxius at that age) and I'm putting on too much weight. I was thinking of helping the elderly before I become one. But D.D. why have you forsaken me

Lamont Sanford Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Ah doc Teri, I thought quite aq bit about D.D.
> today but alas she appears to be gone with the
> wind.

That happens when boobs get too big.

> Should I just go back to my lonely room and
> drink 6 packs and watch old movies and sports.

Things could be worse.

> I'm
> tired of the bars, too many obnoxius 20
> somethings(alas I fear I was just as obnoxius at
> that age) and I'm putting on too much weight. I
> was thinking of helping the elderly before I
> become one.

Lamont, before you put on any more weight..... let's, umm, chat in my office.

> But D.D. why have you forsaken me

Forget about her.

I just found an original unopened pack of "garbage pail kids" cards.

Do you think the gum is still good?

Paging Dr. Teri, Paging Dr. Teri

Can you tend to an urgent matter in the "Voice of Alias" thread?

Thank you.

Mr. Softy Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Do you know of any over the counter erection pills
> that actually work?


no

Richie Retch Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I just found an original unopened pack of "garbage
> pail kids" cards.
>
> Do you think the gum is still good?



absolutely

"Lamont, before you put on any more weight..... let's, umm, chat in my office."

I can't afford $200 an hour would rather go to bars and search for D.D> and use the cash that way sorry Doc Teri

Dr. Teri why did the meanies post all them naked pictures of girls. Now I can't read FFXU at the library

Lamont Sanford Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> "Lamont, before you put on any more weight.....
> let's, umm, chat in my office."
>
> I can't afford $200 an hour would rather go to
> bars and search for D.D> and use the cash that way
> sorry Doc Teri

Well, maybe I could waive the fee for a session or two.

> Dr. Teri why did the meanies post all them naked
> pictures of girls.

Despite my training as a people person, I still don't understand why some people like to look at pictures of naked women.

> Now I can't read FFXU at the
> library

The good thing is.... now you can read books when you visit the library.

Hi Doc.
There is a woman at work who always makes sexual remarks to me and is very flirtatious. She is in her 50's but isn't totally fat or anything. I actually think she is horny and just wants to fuck. Should I do it? or does the fact that I even ask the question mean I'm gay?

B.J.

B.J. Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Hi Doc.
> There is a woman at work who always makes sexual
> remarks to me and is very flirtatious. She is in
> her 50's but isn't totally fat or anything. I
> actually think she is horny and just wants to
> fuck. Should I do it?

Why not? Especially if she is your supervisor...

> or does the fact that I
> even ask the question mean I'm gay?

Nah, but the fact that you asked this one makes it a possibility...

> B.J.

Signatures are for fags

dr. t

i feel like i want to skip work and just beat off for the rest of the weekend.

"Despite my training as a people person, I still don't understand why some people like to look at pictures of naked women"

I don't mind naked pictures of attractive women( just not for the yutes too readily see) does that make me a bad man Dr. Teri

Say Dr. Teri what do you think is the psychological reason why an attractive young woman like a Kayden Kross would go into porno. Surely she could find a sugar daddy who would provide her with the same amount of funding she likely makes from porn? Yes i know asking this question is a bit of a fight club violation.

"The good thing is.... now you can read books when you visit the library."

Libraries these days are pretty much 3 ring circuses. I don't even think most librarians understand the old concept of a library being a place to read and study.

Dr Teri My car is making a clunking noise when I first start it up and dark blue smoke billows out from under the hood. I also get a strong electrical shock when I turn the key. I'm pretty handy but I wanted you to steer me in the right direction to start.
yours,
mr fixit

McFisty Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> dr. t
>
> i feel like i want to skip work and just beat off
> for the rest of the weekend.


just do it!
like ferris beuller says "sometimes you just have to say fuck it"

Harry Tuttle Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> B.J. Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > Hi Doc.
> > There is a woman at work who always makes
> sexual
> > remarks to me and is very flirtatious. She is
> in
> > her 50's but isn't totally fat or anything. I
> > actually think she is horny and just wants to
> > fuck. Should I do it?
>
> Why not? Especially if she is your supervisor...
>
> > or does the fact that I
> > even ask the question mean I'm gay?
>
> Nah, but the fact that you asked this one makes it
> a possibility...
>
> > B.J.


I concur with my associate Dr. Tuttle

Lamont Sanford Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> "Despite my training as a people person, I still
> don't understand why some people like to look at
> pictures of naked women"
>
> I don't mind naked pictures of attractive women(
> just not for the yutes too readily see) does that
> make me a bad man Dr. Teri

No, it doesn't, Lamont. I, myself, occasionally enjoy a glimpse of a..... well, enough about me.

> Say Dr. Teri what do you think is the
> psychological reason why an attractive young woman
> like a Kayden Kross would go into porno.

There are many reasons. Some women have a history of sexual abuse, some women are supporting a drug habit and some women love the rush they experience knowing men become aroused looking at their bodies.
(although, most women enjoy that last thing)

> Surely
> she could find a sugar daddy who would provide her
> with the same amount of funding she likely makes
> from porn?

Or, maybe she could go to school and develop some "other" skills.

> Yes i know asking this question is a
> bit of a fight club violation.

Rule #1. Don't talk about the fight club.

> "The good thing is.... now you can read books when
> you visit the library."

> Libraries these days are pretty much 3 ring
> circuses. I don't even think most librarians
> understand the old concept of a library being a
> place to read and study.

Yes, Lamont, it is indeed a sad state of affairs.

People who speak above a whisper, in a library, should be shot on the spot.

Actually, I don't like people talking in book stores, either.

Or, in movie theatres, or in museums, or on their cell phones while in a doctor's waiting room, or standing next to me in the grocery store or sitting near me on a train or..... it's a long list, actually.

McFisty Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> dr. t
>
> i feel like i want to skip work and just beat off
> for the rest of the weekend.


McFisty,

Why would you need three days to, umm... do what you said?
Wouldn't two days do the trick?

Dr. T

How long will yeast last after the jar has been opened?

I don't seem to be getting as high of a rise as I used to.

Thanks
lulu

Dr. Teri- I'm a swf 30. The biggest problem I have is that I am still single and I am already 30 years old. What's wrong with me? What should I do? Help me Dr. Teri-.

why do good things happen to bad people? or whatever

lulu hogg Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Dr. T
>
> How long will yeast last after the jar has been
> opened?

This is a common question.

After opening, yeast should last 3 to 4 months, if stored in a cool, dry, dark place,

> I don't seem to be getting as high of a rise as I
> used to.

Let's remember that it's yeast reproduction that causes bread to rise.

Have you tried setting the right mood.... romantic music, candles, wine, etc.?

Have you tried speaking softly to your yeast?

> Thanks
> lulu

Cut me a slice from your next loaf.

"Or, in movie theatres, or in museums, or on their cell phones while in a doctor's waiting room, or standing next to me in the grocery store or sitting near me on a train or..... it's a long list, actually."

Ah, Dr. Teri, If'en only the world was run according to me but Everybody Wants To Rule The World

Dr. Teri- Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> McFisty Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > dr. t

> > i feel like i want to skip work and just beat
> off
> > for the rest of the weekend.

> just do it!
> like ferris beuller says "sometimes you just have
> to say fuck it"


To my readers,

I'd like to share with you the details of a medical condition I have.

Occasionally, I experience pure amnesic seizures... small seizures that generally go unnoticed. Unfortunately, they cause a disruption in my ability to store memory, so I have no recollection of the things I do during an episode.

Usually, this is just an annoyance, but sometimes these seizures can affect my personality, causing me to do things I wouldn't normally do. For example, I once called the police and informed them that my neighbors were extraterrestrial beings, beamed here through a wormhole. Another time, I stood up in church, removed all my clothes and started doing the Hokey Pokey. As I was shaking it all about, the seizure suddenly ended, leaving me naked on the altar.

How does this affect my work here?

Well... I don't remember writing the above post to Mr. McFisty.
And, as you can see, I sound different, a bit strange, flippant, almost reckless. I would never quote Ferris Beuller, not even in jest.

So, my faithful readers... if, on occasion, I write something outlandish or my response seems to lack my usual thoughtful examination, understand that the real Dr. Teri- is just momentarily indisposed.

Dr. Teri- Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Dr. Teri- Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > McFisty Wrote:
> >
> --------------------------------------------------
>
> > -----
> > > dr. t
>
> > > i feel like i want to skip work and just beat
> > off
> > > for the rest of the weekend.
>
> > just do it!
> > like ferris beuller says "sometimes you just
> have
> > to say fuck it"
>
>
> To my readers,
>
> I'd like to share with you the details of a
> medical condition I have.
>
> Occasionally, I experience pure amnesic
> seizures... small seizures that generally go
> unnoticed. Unfortunately, they cause a disruption
> in my ability to store memory, so I have no
> recollection of the things I do during an
> episode.
>
> Usually, this is just an annoyance, but sometimes
> these seizures can affect my personality, causing
> me to do things I wouldn't normally do. For
> example, I once called the police and informed
> them that my neighbors were extraterrestrial
> beings, beamed here through a wormhole. Another
> time, I stood up in church, removed all my clothes
> and started doing the Hokey Pokey. As I was
> shaking it all about, the seizure suddenly ended,
> leaving me naked on the altar.
>
> How does this affect my work here?
>
> Well... I don't remember writing the above post
> to Mr. McFisty.
> And, as you can see, I sound different, a bit
> strange, flippant, almost reckless. I would never
> quote Ferris Beuller, not even in jest.
>
> So, my faithful readers... if, on occasion, I
> write something outlandish or my response seems to
> lack my usual thoughtful examination, understand
> that the real Dr. Teri- is just momentarily
> indisposed.


Do you loose control of your bowels? Incontinent?

Weldomce Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------

> Do you loose control of your bowels?
> Incontinent?

Do you loose control of your thumb when you stick it up your fat ass?

5 minutes later....

Oh, my goodness, it looks like I just had another little seizure.

Please ignore what I just wrote to Weldomce.

I apologize.

mr fixit Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Dr Teri My car is making a clunking noise when I
> first start it up and dark blue smoke billows out
> from under the hood.

It sounds like you have something banging into things under the hood. Take a wrench and tap around. Whatever it is will probably fall out.

> I also get a strong
> electrical shock when I turn the key.

Wear rubber gloves.

> I'm pretty
> handy but I wanted you to steer me in the right
> direction to start.

I hope I was able to help.

Dr. Teri-
I LOVE your advise column! I jump out of bed morning and can't wait to read it.
Anywho, I have been married for 10 years and my husband seems to have lost interest in me sexually. We only have sex while he is watching disgusting porn on the internet and even then it seems like he only pays attention to whats on the screen and not me. Is this normal? Should I be looking for another man?

Also, can I replace regular M&M's with Peanut Butter M&M's in a standard M&M cookie recipe?

Keep it up,
Miss Used

"some women love the rush they experience knowing men become aroused looking at their bodies.
(although, most women enjoy that last thing)"

Dr. Teri, would you care to expound on this point? Perhaps some specifics or maybe you've forgotten them

Hope Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Dr. Teri- I'm a swf 30. The biggest problem I
> have is that I am still single and I am already 30
> years old. What's wrong with me? What should I
> do? Help me Dr. Teri-.


Buy a snowmobile and move to Alaska.

According to Betty from Confidential.com, there are 108 men to every 100 females.

http://www.bettyconfidential.com/ar/ld/a/Five_best_places_for_single_women.html
Attachments:

renee Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> why do good things happen to bad people?

why? i don't know why, but that shit really pisses me off.

miss used Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Dr. Teri-
> I LOVE your advise column! I jump out of bed
> morning and can't wait to read it.

Thank you, miss used, and please keep reading. I'm looking to go national and become the next Dear Abby.

> Anywho, I have been married for 10 years and my
> husband seems to have lost interest in me
> sexually. We only have sex while he is watching
> disgusting porn on the internet and even then it
> seems like he only pays attention to whats on the
> screen and not me. Is this normal?

After 10 years of marriage, sex can become somewhat routine, like brushing your teeth or changing the filter in your heat pump. Watching a sexually stimulating video can ignite the imagination and help to reignite the passion a couple once enjoyed.

Of course, if your husband is only using your body as a means to satisfy his lust for other women, you should consider your available options.

> Should I be
> looking for another man?

Yes.

> Also, can I replace regular M&M's with Peanut
> Butter M&M's in a standard M&M cookie recipe?

You wouldn't catch me doing that.

Dr. Teri, so you want to be the next Dear Abby hope you can help me with this quandry
Well I never thought
That me and my girlfriend would ever get caught
We were sitting in the back seat just shooting the breeze
With her hair up in curlers and her pants to her knees
Signed Just Married

Dr. Lamont Sanford Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> "some women love the rush they experience knowing
> men become aroused looking at their bodies.
> (although, most women enjoy that last thing)"

> Dr. Teri, would you care to expound on this point?

I'd love to, Lamont, but it wouldn't be appropriate for me to describe in pornographic detail the sexual images that overwhelm a woman's mind when she's aware of a man's uncontrollable burning desire for her naked writhing body.

This is, after all, a family oriented show.

> Perhaps some specifics or maybe you've forgotten
> them

A woman doesn't forget these things, Lamont.

Oh, and Lamont, what's with the fake Dr. in front of your name?

I want to have your children Dr. Teri.

desperate in san francisco Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I want to have your children Dr. Teri.

In San Francisco, anything is possible.

"Oh, and Lamont, what's with the fake Dr. in front of your name?"

I took an online course

"> Perhaps some specifics or maybe you've forgotten
> them

A woman doesn't forget these things, Lamont."

I thought maybe that amnesia thing you mentioned might have clouded your memory of those hedonistic nights of yore

Andy Landers Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Dr. Teri, so you want to be the next Dear Abby
> hope you can help me with this quandry
> Well I never thought
> That me and my girlfriend would ever get caught
> We were sitting in the back seat just shooting the
> breeze
> With her hair up in curlers and her pants to her
> knees
> Signed Just Married


Just Married Just Married
You have no complaint
You are what you are
And you ain't what you ain't
So listen up, Buster
And listen up good
Stop wishin' for bad luck
And knockin' on wood

Signed Dr. Teri-

Hi Dr Teri-
I have been using an online message board to communicate with people from my area for about a year. I always felt like I was really popular and everyone liked me but lately I have been getting a lot of negative comments and someone actually made a hate thread about me. They I was "worse than eesh." How is that even possible? Then somebody stole my regular name so I can't use it anymore. WTF?!?! Why is everyone turning on me?

help,
unnamed

Dr. Teri, I keep losing socks in the dryer and my hair seems to be falling out a lot more these days if my comb is right. What should I do?

Is it okay to for a grown man to wear plaid shorts with black socks and red colored keds sneakers at a bar, I was thinking of adding the baseball cap askew just so to the look? Do you think it might improve my chances with the hot ladies on the dance floor? zowie dr. teri

Dr. Teri

Do you think eesh will ever leave me alone?

Thanks, Cone Bone

unnamed Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Hi Dr Teri-
> I have been using an online message board to
> communicate with people from my area for about a
> year. I always felt like I was really popular and
> everyone liked me but lately I have been getting a
> lot of negative comments and someone actually made
> a hate thread about me. They I was "worse than
> eesh." How is that even possible? Then somebody
> stole my regular name so I can't use it anymore.
> WTF?!?! Why is everyone turning on me?
>
> help,
> unnamed

Hello unnamed and welcome to the Dr. Teri- show.

I'm not personally familiar with the message board scene but I did attend a seminar on message board dynamics and personalities.

As strange as this might seem, when you are the subject of a hate thread, it means you ARE popular and well liked.

"Worse than eesh" is an internet expression which is actually a compliment. "Worse", in this case, means "better or "superior" and the word "eesh" means "scum".

So, basically, the message board people are calling you a superior poster, a "no scum" poster. Get it?

Regarding the theft of your name... that sounds like a little prank your new internet friends are playing..... all in good fun, I hear.

Conie Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Dr. Teri
>
> Do you think eesh will ever leave me alone?
>
> Thanks, Cone Bone


I doubt it.

Like herpes, once you get eesh, you have it for life.

Dr. Teri- Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Conie Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > Dr. Teri
> >
> > Do you think eesh will ever leave me alone?
> >
> > Thanks, Cone Bone
>
>
> I doubt it.
>
> Like herpes, once you get eesh, you have it for
> life.


Oh dear

Dear Dr. Teri, I saw a shark today

Lamont Sanford Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Dear Dr. Teri, I saw a shark today


That's so stupid.

.

.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/08/2012 08:50PM by Alias.

Geez Alias, Dr. Teri tends to be a lot less blunt I think I prefer her


btw, the shark I saw was with D.D. and they were drinking pina colodas and the shark's hair was perfect
alas I fear D.D. is lost too me "sigh"

I have a problem finding the right fitting bra where should I go for the best selection of manzzaire's in the D.C. area or will I have to venture to Baltimore

.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/08/2012 08:49PM by Alias.

Good afternoon and what a beautiful afternoon it is.

I'm back to work after a two day holiday.

I accomplished much in such a short time.

I saw my shrink and we worked on my phobia of all things rectangular. I had a huge wart removed from my toe. I visited a yahoo chat room and discussed poetry with a lovely man, whom I'll be meeting at a hotel, this Wednesday, for a cup of tea. I also cleaned some pollen off my patio furniture and went to Home Depot for a few containers of lighter fluid.

Thank you to Alias who came to the rescue during our little incident with Dr. Tuttle.

And, thank God we have a delay on this program. Dr. Tuttle was advising a person with OCD to hop on one foot and count in multiples of three when meeting new people.

It's good to be back and I'm ready for your problems.

Dear Dr. Teri, Are you familiar with the songstress known as Meade? any thoughts on his potential as a major singing star? should he audition for the X Factor?

shopping at a Home Depot on a Sunday afternoon in April why how very gauche

btws I thought D.D. had a very nice smile and a twinkle to her brown eyes(watch it)
but why has she forsaken me oh Dear Dr. Teri

BTW I want to drink MD 20/20 or Applejack out of your shaved pussy. Can you accomodate me?

Oh my Dr. Teri surely you know I would never speak in such terms in a public forum. I think one of them slack jawed skateboard boys has absconded with my alias and posted something most foul I do apologize for the lack of decorum by this miscreant and will get concerned mother on the case

Ah D.D. and chocolate syrup

Lamont sanford Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Dear Dr. Teri, Are you familiar with the
> songstress known as Meade?

Yes, I am familiar with the young MAN.

> any thoughts on his
> potential as a major singing star? should he
> audition for the X Factor?

I think he is quite talented and I hope to have the pleasure of meeting him in the near future. The X factor? Sure, why not?

> shopping at a Home Depot on a Sunday afternoon in
> April why how very gauche

Actually, I did that yesterday, Lamont. Today, I was on Yahoo, chatting about poetry. Have you ever visited a Yahoo chat room, Lamont?

> btws I thought D.D. had a very nice smile and a
> twinkle to her brown eyes(watch it)
> but why has she forsaken me oh Dear Dr. Teri

Listen, Lamont, I hate D.D. I'd rather you not mention that floozy bimbo bitch ever again.

btws, I have a nice smile and my eyes twinkle like a couple of goddamn sparklers. I have nice boobs, too. Nicer than those fat bags of blubber that harlot is flinging around.
Why don't you put D.D. and her bouncing boobs in a box and throw all three of them off a cliff!!

Is there anything else I can help you with today, Lamont?

Dr. Teri- Wrote:

> Listen, Lamont, I hate D.D. I'd rather you not
> mention that floozy bimbo bitch ever again.
>

> Why don't you put D.D. and her bouncing boobs in a
> box and throw all three of them off a cliff!!
>


r u jealous dr teri?
Attachments:

D.D. my sweet where have you been? D.D. don't your arms get tired? And you look a little tired around the eyes?
Yes I did look up briefly. You haven't been crying have you my dear? Late late nights at work?

The blouse is lovely but this one might be a tad risque for the average workplace. Would you happen to be a dental hygienist?

Forgive me Dr. Teri
Love or maybe lust can blind a fella

Hi Dr. Teri,
Last week I went to my local rub-n-tug for a therapy session and the masseuse got up on the table and massaged my back and legs with her feet...? Then when I rolled over she was still dressed. The worst part was I never received the tug.
Am I so disgusting that she didn't want to touch me? I know I'm getting older and I'm not in the best shape of my life but isn't she supposed to be a professional?
Thanks for your advice,
Human Doormat

DD has such a beautiful set. I worship them. I would love to just hold them an d apply baby oil to them and her ass. What bliss.

D.D. Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------

> r u jealous dr teri?

D.D.,

Isn't there a Plus Size Pantyhose and Support Bra sale going on somewhere?

Lamont Sanford Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> D.D. my sweet where have you been? D.D. don't your
> arms get tired? And you look a little tired around
> the eyes?
> Yes I did look up briefly. You haven't been
> crying have you my dear? Late late nights at
> work?
>
> The blouse is lovely but this one might be a tad
> risque for the average workplace. Would you happen
> to be a dental hygienist?
>
> Forgive me Dr. Teri
> Love or maybe lust can blind a fella

I forgive you, Lamont.

Love, or in this case, down and dirty lust, CAN blind a man, or even a woman, for that matter. I, myself, only recently.... well, enough about me.

You know, Lamont, you're right.. that bouncing boomerang DOES have big bags under her eyes. And, I wouldn't be surprised if her bottom were the size of Mississippi.

Dear Dr. Teri, So I ran into the 24 yr. old waitress who I thought might be running a play on me intially but after some thought I was thinking I might be wrong. Anyways she wasn't working at the original bar and when I went to check out the bar I was told she worked at I got blank stares. Figured that was it. But recently I went into a bar I hadn't gone into for months and lo and behold there she was? Kind of felt sorry for her, has had a rough few months. Do you believe in coincidences Dr. Terri? Then again I went in same bar last night and she wasn't working but there was a very pretty blonde co-ed in a summer dress and great legs that reminded me of someone I knew back when I was 24 and I was wishing I could be that age again. What am I saying Dr. Teri?
Should I go buy a fast car?

D.D. dear get more beauty sleep for the dark circles under the eyes and lift some dumb bells to build up those chest muscles for support. I'd also recommend some squat thrusts to keep the back side firm but you might get the wrong idea. But if you have a video camera I wouldn't mind a copy of thrusting squats. Please wear the purple blouse.

D.D. Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Dr. Teri- Wrote:
>
> > Listen, Lamont, I hate D.D. I'd rather you not
> > mention that floozy bimbo bitch ever again.
> >
>
> > Why don't you put D.D. and her bouncing boobs in
> a
> > box and throw all three of them off a cliff!!
> >
>
>
> r u jealous dr teri?


D.D. Please be a sport and show us your ass too. I bet it is a nice ass.

Human Doormat Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Hi Dr. Teri,
> Last week I went to my local rub-n-tug for a
> therapy session and the masseuse got up on the
> table and massaged my back and legs with her
> feet...? Then when I rolled over she was still
> dressed. The worst part was I never received the
> tug.
> Am I so disgusting that she didn't want to touch
> me? I know I'm getting older and I'm not in the
> best shape of my life but isn't she supposed to be
> a professional?
> Thanks for your advice,
> Human Doormat


Have you considered removing your diaper before stopping at the rub-n-tug? If that doesn't solve your problem, I suggest you seek the advice a certified sexologist who might help you discover why a paid sex worker would be averse to a tug on your stub.

Good luck with that, Doormat.

Lamont Sanford Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Dear Dr. Teri, So I ran into the 24 yr. old
> waitress who I thought might be running a play on
> me intially but after some thought I was thinking
> I might be wrong.

No, Lamont. You were right.

> Anyways she wasn't working at
> the original bar and when I went to check out the
> bar I was told she worked at I got blank stares.
> Figured that was it. But recently I went into a
> bar I hadn't gone into for months and lo and
> behold there she was? Kind of felt sorry for her,
> has had a rough few months. Do you believe in
> coincidences Dr. Terri?

You're both barflies; occasionally, the two of you will land on the same bottle of gin.

> Then again I went in same
> bar last night and she wasn't working but there
> was a very pretty blonde co-ed in a summer dress
> and great legs that reminded me of someone I knew
> back when I was 24 and I was wishing I could be
> that age again. What am I saying Dr. Teri?

You're expressing your fear of getting old and mourning your lost youth.
Remember, Lamont, that while it was fun being 24, it wasn't always great; at times, it totally sucked. Although, not nearly as much as being 80 will suck..... but, you get my point.

> Should I go buy a fast car?

Definitely not, Lamont. Take up bird watching, instead.

> D.D. dear get more beauty sleep for the dark
> circles under the eyes and lift some dumb bells to
> build up those chest muscles for support. I'd also
> recommend some squat thrusts to keep the back side
> firm but you might get the wrong idea. But if you
> have a video camera I wouldn't mind a copy of
> thrusting squats. Please wear the purple blouse.

Lamont, this is the alcohol talking. Put the drink down and go buy some bird food.
If you'd like some recommendations for setting up a few feeders to attract a nice variety of small song birds... let me know. You might enjoy watching purple finches, Lamont.

"You're both barflies; occasionally, the two of you will land on the same bottle of gin."

Ouch Dr. Teri I think you might have something there. I don't drink that much a beer or 3 but my waist line is expanding even with the mediocre to just plain horrible bar food. It's nice to see the occasional attractive 24 yr. old but it has gotten old and I'm way too old for that kind of action. Hell I'm going eeeewwww in my head. I had a one year experiment of going without cable for a year. I just couldn't stand what cable tv programming is these days but I missed the sports so I headed to bars with good tv set up but I'm burnt out. Hadn't spent this much time in bars in over 20 years. If there was a bar like Cheers out there I'd frequent a joint like that but I find most the bars I've been too in the fairfax county suburbs kind of a drag


goodbye D.D. I'm going for a hike

love to love yall
Attachments: