.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/10/2012 01:17AM by Alias.

Alias Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Dr. Teri-
>
>
> If walking in the yellow wood
> Two roads diverged from where you stood
> Would you look down one and with a sigh
> Take the one less traveled by?


Cool, I like that.

6X Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Dr. Teri- Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > i'm still thinking...
>
>
> I'll help you out.....Spring is almost here. I
> can't wait. My tomatoe plants are growing inside.


kewl, i know your tomatoes are the best too!

Belcimere Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> "Talk not of genius baffled,
> Genius is master of man,
> Genius does what it must,
> and talent does what it can.
>
> Last Words, Edward Robert Bulwer Lytton,
> 1831-1891


thanks but i'm not totally a genius. i'm just really smart. :)

Alias Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Dr. Teri-
>
>
> If walking in the yellow wood
> Two roads diverged from where you stood
> Would you look down one and with a sigh
> Take the one less traveled by?


i would if it didn't look too scary.

has that happened to you b4?

POSITIVE THOUGHT for the DAY:

Keep on Keepin on.

Hi everyone I just want to thank you all for making my advise column a success! It can be overwhelming sometimes but I love doing it so much.

Some other topics I can totally help out with is stuff like cooking, travel, science and world events.

Keep the questions coming!



thanks again

Dr. Teri

Who has the best fries? Are they available in OBX?
Attachments:

Keep up the outstanding work, Dr T.,

DO YOU SUCK BIG DICKS?

Hi Dr. T

I think you're great!

Keep it up.

Hey, Dr. Teri-, long time caller, first time listener...

Anyway, I have a question about email correspondence with a friend's father...

My childhood friend's dad has been asking him (the friend) about me a lot lately. It's gotten so annoying to the friend that he is suggesting I become his e-pen pal.

I've tried the e-pen pal thing with my other family members, and I always begin to neglect my duties of correspondence, due to lack of interest or getting distracted... Responding always becomes such an obligation.

It leaves me with a guilty feeling that I am not treating these people properly.

I would appreciate catching up with his father, but I do not want another obligation... and I definitely do not want to accidentally offend him by forgetting to write him back one day.

So my question to you:

Should I become his pen pal and risk offending/disappointing him? Or should I just go about my business and catch up with him if I ever run into him again?

Lemme nooowowowow

Signatures are for fags

Dr. Teri Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Alias Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > Dr. Teri-
> >
> >
> > If walking in the yellow wood
> > Two roads diverged from where you stood
> > Would you look down one and with a sigh
> > Take the one less traveled by?
>
>
> i would if it didn't look too scary.
>
> has that happened to you b4?


yes.... and i chose the road most traveled, with good reason.

when a teacher once asked which road we would take, everyone was choosing the road less traveled, so i chose the other one.
the road less traveled was getting crowded.

Nice! An unexpected delight!

Alias Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> yes.... and i chose the road most traveled, with
> good reason.
>
> when a teacher once asked which road we would
> take, everyone was choosing the road less
> traveled, so i chose the other one.
> the road less traveled was getting crowded.

Signatures are for fags

Harry Tuttle Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Hey, Dr. Teri-, long time caller, first time
> listener...
>
> Anyway, I have a question about email
> correspondence with a friend's father...
>
> My childhood friend's dad has been asking him (the
> friend) about me a lot lately. It's gotten so
> annoying to the friend that he is suggesting I
> become his e-pen pal.
>
> I've tried the e-pen pal thing with my other
> family members, and I always begin to neglect my
> duties of correspondence, due to lack of interest
> or getting distracted... Responding always becomes
> such an obligation.
>
> It leaves me with a guilty feeling that I am not
> treating these people properly.
>
> I would appreciate catching up with his father,
> but I do not want another obligation... and I
> definitely do not want to accidentally offend him
> by forgetting to write him back one day.
>
> So my question to you:
>
> Should I become his pen pal and risk
> offending/disappointing him? Or should I just go
> about my business and catch up with him if I ever
> run into him again?
>
> Lemme nooowowowow



Just tell him join Fairfax Underground.
It'll be easy to keep up with each other here.
Besides he might have some good stories to tell everyone about when you were young.
haha

big fat useless housewife Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Hi Dr. T
>
> I think you're great!
>
> Keep it up.


Thanks I'm glad you like it!

moo

6X Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Who has the best fries? Are they available in OBX?


I like micky d's the best bcuz I get them free.

Positive Thought for the Day:

You can do it!

Dr. Teri,

How long is the shelf-life of a glass vial of saffron threads?

Thanks in advance

Conie Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Dr. Teri,
>
> How long is the shelf-life of a glass vial of
> saffron threads?
>
> Thanks in advance


Thank you for your question, Conie. This just happens to be one of my areas of expertise.

Store your saffron in a cool dark place for 2 to 3 weeks. Then, break the glass vial/jar and carefully remove the saffron threads.
Position the treads in a row from left to right on a dry piece of textured paper towel. Let them breathe for 24 hours, then turn the threads over.
24 hours later, collect the threads, break them into thirds and put the pieces in a plastic bag. Seal the bag and place it inside a dark colored plastic container.
Take a piece of cheesecloth and cover the container, using a thick rubber band to keep the cloth in place. Firmly place the plastic cover on top.

Place saffron back in cool dark place.

Properly stored it can stay fresh for two years or longer.

Bon appétit, Conie.

Dr. Teri Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Conie Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > Dr. Teri,
> >
> > How long is the shelf-life of a glass vial of
> > saffron threads?
> >
> > Thanks in advance
>
>
> Thank you for your question, Conie. This just
> happens to be one of my areas of expertise.
>
> Store your saffron in a cool dark place for 2 to 3
> weeks. Then, break the glass vial/jar and
> carefully remove the saffron threads.
> Position the treads in a row from left to right on
> a dry piece of textured paper towel. Let them
> breathe for 24 hours, then turn the threads over.
>
> 24 hours later, collect the threads, break them
> into thirds and put the pieces in a plastic bag.
> Seal the bag and place it inside a dark colored
> plastic container.
> Take a piece of cheesecloth and cover the
> container, using a thick rubber band to keep the
> cloth in place. Firmly place the plastic cover on
> top.
>
> Place saffron back in cool dark place.
>
> Properly stored it can stay fresh for two years or
> longer.
>
> Bon appétit, Conie.


I'm exhausted

What is the best beer you can buy for the $ at the Brew Thru in the OBX?

I jsut drank 7 beerz

isit ok to breaastfeedf my babay????

Dear Dr. Teri, Do you think this line might work with a young lady "Do you believe in the Hereafter? Her response hopefully, "Why of course!" And I would respond by sayin',"Then you know what I'm here after"


thank you I'll be leaving tonite

natty girl Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I jsut drank 7 beerz
>
> isit ok to breaastfeedf my babay????


Sure. Beer milk is actually quite good for infants. It contains folate, niacin, phosphorous, potassium and magnesium.

Now, if your baby is colicky, go ahead and chase those beers down with a few shots of bourbon.

If the baby shows no sign of relief, simply increase the number of shots until you find the therapeutic amount.

And bravo to you, natty girl, for choosing mother's milk for your baby!

6X Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> What is the best beer you can buy for the $ at the
> Brew Thru in the OBX?


try this
Attachments:

fred g. sanFord Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Dear Dr. Teri, Do you think this line might work
> with a young lady "Do you believe in the
> Hereafter? Her response hopefully, "Why of
> course!" And I would respond by sayin',"Then you
> know what I'm here after"
>
>
> thank you I'll be leaving tonite




try it. lemme no what happens.

Positive Thought for the Day:

Your worth consists in what you are and not in what you have.

Dr. Teri- Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Positive Thought for the Day:
>
> Your worth consists in what you are and not in
> what you have.


So profound...and so true

So clueless... and so Conie...


Conie Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> So profound...and so true

Signatures are for fags

Harry Tuttle Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> So clueless... and so Conie...
>
>
> Conie Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > So profound...and so true


Tehe

Dear Doc Teri, so I tried the "hereafter" line last night in a bar in Fairfax all I got was a "what the hell are you talking about" look

and then awkward silence

so I watched the ballgame and listened to the South Asian and Asian dude's sitting next too me who sounded just like beavis and butthead . it was hilarious

fred G. Sanford Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Dear Doc Teri, so I tried the "hereafter" line
> last night in a bar in Fairfax all I got was a
> "what the hell are you talking about" look
>
> and then awkward silence
>
> so I watched the ballgame and listened to the
> South Asian and Asian dude's sitting next too me
> who sounded just like beavis and butthead . it was
> hilarious

Next time try it on the Asian dudes. The South Asian dude first, and if that proves unsuccessful, move on to the Asian dude.

Good luck, cowboy.

My Dad says thanks ole Doc Teri for your advice

Dr. Teri,

Is it dangerous to light my farts on fire?

human torch Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Dr. Teri,
>
> Is it dangerous to light my farts on fire?

In your case, no. Please light your whole disgusting self on fire.

Best wishes.

There's a good lighting fart on fire scene in the movie "Cedar Rapids"

Come on baby light my farts on fire. Wasn't that song written by Jim Morrison

Dr. Teri do you know Ailene Cunningham?

Dr Teri,

what is the best cure for a hangover?
i need a good story to tell my boss why i didn't make it in today too.

thnx

Terri, If a tree falls in the woods and no one is around does it still make a noise?

over done Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Dr Teri,

> what is the best cure for a hangover?
> i need a good story to tell my boss why i didn't
> make it in today too.


Hello over done,

Fix a Bloody Mary.... make it strong and hot.

Drink it.

Follow this with 8 oz of water.

Fix another Bloody Mary.... with less vodka but keep it hot.

Drink it.

Again, follow this with 8 oz of water.

Fix a third Bloody Mary.... with even less vodka... and less heat.

Drink it

Then, take off your green pants and go to bed.


Re: Your boss.

You could tell him you're having an allergic reaction to green food coloring.

Do I need to add that I hope you've learned your lesson?

Dr. Teri,
What is your opinion of medical marijuana? Do you believe cannabis is a legitimate medical treatment or are all of us medical marijuana patients just a bunch of stoners?
Thanks,
Sleepless without Smoke

frEd G. Samford Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> There's a good lighting fart on fire scene in the
> movie "Cedar Rapids"
>
> Come on baby light my farts on fire. Wasn't that
> song written by Jim Morrison?

I will no longer be answering questions concerning bodily functions involving byproducts of the digestive process.

> Dr. Teri do you know Ailene Cunningham?

No, I'm sorry. I do not.

confused Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Terri, If a tree falls in the woods and no one is
> around does it still make a noise?


Dear confused,

I am referring you to the FFXU philosopher extraordinaire, Dr. Harry Tuttle, a renowned expert on such matters and author of the best seller, "When is a Red Ball Red?"

Please let us know what you learn.

Dear Dr. Teri, You see there was this young waitress in a bar. (I know always a bad start) For some reason she started flirting with me big time and it seemed to be a lot more than just trying to get bigger tips out of me. I by no means think of myself as a looker. I mean I scare myself sometimes when I look in the mirror in the mornings. Well when I got a look at her Facebook she turned out to be a very active young lady not the sweet gal I thought I knew in the bar. From the heavy heavy drinking to her bisexuality and what looked like regular sex partay activities with those slimey young dudes we all know about who will say or do anything to get a poke at a girl. Well I kind of stopped going to that bar I mean even if I'd pursued it she probably would have given me a heart attack being 25 years older. Well I sort of missed her and went back to the bar recently but alas she worked there no more. Should I ask were she went or just drop it and say it was just one of those things? She did have nice eyes. Is this the kind of stuff you looking for old Dr. Teri?

Thanks, Dr. Teri.

confused, this is a classic conundrum and I'd be more than happy to help clear things up... assuming you're actually serious about discussing it.

There is no hypothetical situation too trivial or tedious for me.

Press the # sign to begin

Dr. Teri Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Dear confused,
>
> I am referring you to the FFXU philosopher
> extraordinaire, Dr. Harry Tuttle, a renowned
> expert on such matters and author of the best
> seller, "When is a Red Ball Red?"
>
> Please let us know what you learn.

Signatures are for fags

Ryno78 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Dr. Teri,

> What is your opinion of medical marijuana? Do
> you believe cannabis is a legitimate medical
> treatment

Yes, I believe cannabis is a legitimate medical treatment.

> or are all of us medical marijuana
> patients just a bunch of stoners?

All of you? I doubt it... but are YOU?

Yes Dr. Teri my name is Ryan and I am a stoner! You've outed me.

Lamont Sanford Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Dear Dr. Teri, You see there was this young
> waitress in a bar. (I know always a bad start)

It usually is.

> For some reason she started flirting with me big time
> and it seemed to be a lot more than just trying to
> get bigger tips out of me.

Uh huh.

> I by no means think of
> myself as a looker. I mean I scare myself
> sometimes when I look in the mirror in the
> mornings.

Tell me about it.. one time I actually screamed.

> Well when I got a look at her Facebook
> she turned out to be a very active young lady not
> the sweet gal I thought I knew in the bar. From
> the heavy heavy drinking to her bisexuality

At least you found out before over tipping her again.

> and what looked like regular sex partay activities
> with those slimey young dudes we all know about
> who will say or do anything to get a poke at a girl.

Slimy old guys do the same thing.

> Well I kind of stopped going to that bar I
> mean even if I'd pursued it she probably would
> have given me a heart attack being 25 years older.
> Well I sort of missed her and went back to the bar
> recently but alas she worked there no more. Should
> I ask were she went or just drop it and say it was
> just one of those things?

Drop it, unless you're ready to sleep with an alcoholic, disease infected, bisexual whore who will probably roll you while you sleep.

> She did have nice eyes.

Yeah, well, so do I.

> Is this the kind of stuff you looking for old Dr.
> Teri?

Yes, but if you ever call me "old" again, you'll be walking around with an icepack taped to your testicles.

Dr. Teri do you make housecalls? I may be having a medical emergency and need your assistance.

Ryno78 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Yes Dr. Teri my name is Ryan and I am a stoner!
> You've outed me.

I'd like to help you, Ryan.

First of all, let me hold onto your pot, hashish - black or blonde, organic mescaline, liquid speed, and other drugs or drug paraphernalia you might have.

Then you and I can work through some relaxation techniques which have helped quite a few of my patients... many of them, just like you.

Can you meet me in my office at, let's say, 9am on Monday?

Actually, I could arrange to meet you tomorrow if that's better for you.

Call me Ryan. Now!

You've convinced me to make an appointment. I dare not go "against medical advice" How do I go about making this appointment?

Ryan,

My answering service just paged me....

Yes, in your case, I do make house calls.

I'm on my way...

Dear Dr. Teri,

Do you spit or swallow?

I'll be waiting with bated breath.

Dr. Teri Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Ryan,
>
> My answering service just paged me....
>
> Yes, in your case, I do make house calls.
>
> I'm on my way...


Let me know if you need me as back up.

Why does it smell like sex in here?

Signatures are for fags

Look out here comes Harry Tuttle with his bags of designer drugs! Better lay off the 2C-E!

6X will you be holding me down while Dr. Teri administers her therapy? I prefer restraints but you'll do.

Ryno78 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> 6X will you be holding me down while Dr. Teri
> administers her therapy? I prefer restraints but
> you'll do.


What ever the Dr. orders.

NeedToKnow Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Dear Dr. Teri,
>
> Do you spit or swallow?

I'm sorry, but you need to know, NeedToKnow, that I am a serious professional and do not, therefore, answer questions coming from the potty mouth of an adolescent boy.

Now, go back to making water balloons with your Dad's condoms.

Ryno78 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> 6X will you be holding me down while Dr. Teri
> administers her therapy? I prefer restraints but
> you'll do.


I come with my own restraints.

But, maybe 6X would like to observe.

Are you interested in becoming a therapist, 6X?

Ryan, I'm in your parking lot. Which apartment? The one with the herbs growing in the window boxes?

Harry Tuttle Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Why does it smell like sex in here?

Some kid was playing with condoms.

Dr. Tuttles, would you man the advice line while I deal with an emergency?

Thanks luv.

Err... Sure...

I s'pose I could throw some advice around...

Who's up first?

Signatures are for fags

Dr. Teri my apartment is the one with smoke billowing out the door but its not on fire. 6X is already here. We're waiting for you.

Is this a question? Shit, I'm no good at this advice business...

Ryno78 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Dr. Teri my apartment is the one with smoke
> billowing out the door but its not on fire. 6X is
> already here. We're waiting for you.

Signatures are for fags

Hello, Dr. Tuttles.

I have a problem.

I often think people are talking about me... behind my back.

So, I turn around and tell them to mind their own business, or I say things like, "What, you don't like my hair? Well, I don't like your sagging boobs."

Then, if someone else looks over, I say, "Oh, you too, huh? Have you looked in a mirror today, Mr. Fat Face?"

Anyway, Doctor, how can I stop making scenes like this in the grocery store or waiting on a ski lift line?

Dr. Tuttles,

I posted a video of a fat chick getting fucked in the thread about favorite porn stars as a joke. But then curiosity got the best of me and I watched it. Do you think bleach or hydrogen peroxide would be better for burning the image out of my eyes?

Sincerely,
Perv

Harry Tuttle Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Is this a question? Shit, I'm no good at this
> advice business...
>
> Ryno78 Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > Dr. Teri my apartment is the one with smoke
> > billowing out the door but its not on fire. 6X
> is
> > already here. We're waiting for you.


Umm, Harry. Ryan was talking to me, but it looks like a call came in for you. Why don't you go take care of it?


Ryan, here I am. Let's get to work.

6X, close the blinds, please.

To my listening audience, I will be off the air for the next 30 minutes or so, but I leave you in the good hands of Dr. Harry Tuttle.

Dr. Teri Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Harry Tuttle Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > Is this a question? Shit, I'm no good at this
> > advice business...
> >
> > Ryno78 Wrote:
> >
> --------------------------------------------------
>
> > -----
> > > Dr. Teri my apartment is the one with smoke
> > > billowing out the door but its not on fire.
> 6X
> > is
> > > already here. We're waiting for you.
>
>
> Umm, Harry. Ryan was talking to me, but it looks
> like a call came in for you. Why don't you go take
> care of it?
>
>
> Ryan, here I am. Let's get to work.
>
> 6X, close the blinds, please.
>
> To my listening audience, I will be off the air
> for the next 30 minutes or so, but I leave you in
> the good hands of Dr. Harry Tuttle.

The blinds are closed.. should in turn the music up so no one can hear
Ryan?

paranoid Pam Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Hello, Dr. Tuttles.

Hello, dear.


>
> I have a problem.
>
> I often think people are talking about me...
> behind my back.

I see... Please, go on...

>
> So, I turn around and tell them to mind their own
> business, or I say things like, "What, you don't
> like my hair? Well, I don't like your sagging
> boobs."
>
> Then, if someone else looks over, I say, "Oh, you
> too, huh? Have you looked in a mirror today, Mr.
> Fat Face?"
>
> Anyway, Doctor, how can I stop making scenes like
> this in the grocery store or waiting on a ski lift
> line?

Well, Pam, I've got some good news and some bad news...

The good news: If all you want to do is stop making a scene then the solution is simple. All you have to do is resist the urge to confront these people. Realize that confronting these people doesn't help you feel any better. It may, in fact, make you feel worse. Not to mention, it could prove to be hazardous to your physical health.

If you can't just bite your tongue, I suggest you walk around with a fanny pack... This fanny pack is your emergency kit. Inside the fanny pack, you will carry dental floss, hard candies (I prefer Werther's), a pen (not pencil, very important that you can't erase), and a note pad. Make sure your fanny pack has a big label on it reading "Pam's Emergency Kit".

Next time these people start talking about you, I want you to pull out your emergency kit, turn to the gossipers, smile, and begin to stab yourself with your pen. It is important that blood is drawn. While you're stabbing yourself, you need to calmly explain to these people that you really value their opinion and that their words hurt you, the stabbing is a visual representation of the pain inflicted to you by their thoughtless, unkind, words. They probably just don't realize how powerful their opinion of you is. They will immediately feel embarrassed and want to make it up to you. They will apologize... The dental floss is a symbol of their apology. Not only does it bind you two together in a new union of understanding each other, but it can, and should, be used as a tourniquet. Have your new friend tie the floss around you, stopping the blood loss.

They may feel undeserving of this honor, but you need to insist. Don't take "no" for an answer. If necessary, bribe them with the hard candy. Once the blood has stopped, have them sign, and date, the paper. Bring me these papers for my records. You may now go about your day knowing that the looks you're getting from people are those of respect and admiration. Feel free to enjoy a hard candy... You've earned one!

Signatures are for fags

In my many years living amongst the people of the Zuni Pueblo, I learned a few traditional sayings (passed down orally, of course, as Native Americans are genetically predisposed to illiteracy.). Two come to mind with regard to your problem.

"What has been seen cannot be unseen" and, my favorite, "Tire not in the river by struggling against the current"

You're now in the river of fat chick porn, Perv. I suggest you relax and enjoy the ride. Eventually, you will find yourself safe on the dry shores. You will come out of it a new man, and you'll have an exciting story to tell your tribe.

You may even realize that you thoroughly enjoyed the ride.

What does concern me, however, is the fact that you are watching porn with your "friend".

If you find my river metaphor unsuitable for your current situation, and absolutely need to get fat chick porn off your mind. I suggest that you and your "friend" watch some hot male on male pornography (Might I suggest internal cumshots).

I guarantee you won't think about the fat girls anymore...

Best Wishes to you, and yours,

Dr. Harry G. Tuttle

Perv Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Dr. Tuttles,
>
> I posted a video of a fat chick getting fucked in
> the thread about favorite porn stars as a joke.
> But then curiosity got the best of me and I
> watched it. Do you think bleach or hydrogen
> peroxide would be better for burning the image out
> of my eyes?
>
> Sincerely,
> Perv

Signatures are for fags

Dr. Teri,



Recently my butt cheeks have been feeling dry and rough. How can I make them feel baby soft again?

Easy... Take a bubble bath with Ahava Brand Mineral Bath Salts, then apply Johnson's Baby Oil(The only band that uses real babies in its recipe) to the affected areas. Try to stay off of it for a few days, sleeping on your stomach and sitting only on soft cushions.

See you tonight, big boy...

:]

eesh Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Dr. Teri,
>
>
>
> Recently my butt cheeks have been feeling dry and
> rough. How can I make them feel baby soft again?

Signatures are for fags

eesh Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Dr. Teri,
>
>
>
> Recently my butt cheeks have been feeling dry and
> rough. How can I make them feel baby soft again?


Have your boyfriend rub cocao butter on them

Conie, please leave the advisement to the professionals. People could get hurt under the supervision of an amateur...

Conie Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Have your boyfriend rub cocao butter on them

Signatures are for fags

6X Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
>
> The blinds are closed.. should in turn the music
> up so no one can hear
> Ryan?

Thank you, 6X. The music was a nice touch.

I'm finished with Ryan and heading back to the studio.

It appears Ryan enjoyed the relaxation therapy and should no longer have any need for those nasty drugs. To play it safe, I'd like to see him on Monday.

Harry Tuttle Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> paranoid Pam Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > Anyway, Doctor, how can I stop making scenes like
> > this in the grocery store or waiting on a ski
> > lift line?


> Well, Pam, I've got some good news and some bad
> news...

> The good news: If all you want to do is stop
> making a scene then the solution is simple. All
> you have to do is resist the urge to confront
> these people. Realize that confronting these
> people doesn't help you feel any better. It may,
> in fact, make you feel worse.

You're right, Doctor. It makes me feel terrible. I see people nudging one another and staring at me with their wide eyes bulging out of their pathetic little eye sockets.

I see the pimply faced tattooed teenagers laughing at me. Do they think I don't know what LMAO means?

I see the mothers grabbing their little kids and running as if I were some kind of lunatic, who, at any moment, might start hurting their obnoxious, whining, little snot nosed kids.

Do these retards think I'm blind?


> Not to mention, it
> could prove to be hazardous to your physical
> health.

Yes, I was once dragged out of a bank by an abusive security officer.

I thought the people behind me were plotting to steal my bank deposit slip, so I ripped it up and threw it at them, yelling, "There, is that what you want? Take it, take it, it's yours. You want another one?"

I was throwing deposit slips at everyone, when suddenly this rude "cop" grabbed me and copped a few feels as he wrestled me to the floor.

It was like a nightmare.


> If you can't just bite your tongue, I suggest you
> walk around with a fanny pack... This fanny pack
> is your emergency kit. Inside the fanny pack, you
> will carry dental floss, hard candies (I prefer
> Werther's), a pen (not pencil, very important that
> you can't erase), and a note pad. Make sure your
> fanny pack has a big label on it reading "Pam's
> Emergency Kit".

A fanny pack with my name on it? I'd like that.


> Next time these people start talking about you, I
> want you to pull out your emergency kit, turn to
> the gossipers, smile, and begin to stab yourself
> with your pen. It is important that blood is
> drawn.

You want me to start stabbing myself?

What kind of doctor are you? Some kind of voodoo woodoo weirdo, doctor?


> While you're stabbing yourself, you need to
> calmly explain to these people that you really
> value their opinion and that their words hurt you,
> the stabbing is a visual representation of the
> pain inflicted to you by their thoughtless,
> unkind, words. They probably just don't realize
> how powerful their opinion of you is. They will
> immediately feel embarrassed and want to make it
> up to you. They will apologize... The dental floss
> is a symbol of their apology. Not only does it
> bind you two together in a new union of
> understanding each other, but it can, and should,
> be used as a tourniquet. Have your new friend tie
> the floss around you, stopping the blood loss.

> They may feel undeserving of this honor, but you
> need to insist. Don't take "no" for an answer. If
> necessary, bribe them with the hard candy.

The problem here, Doctor, is that the people aren't ACTUALLY talking about me. So, how could these people possibly understand how their words hurt when their hurtful words are all in my head?

If I start stabbing myself and asking people to tie little tourniquets on my arm with my dental floss and then start offering them Werthers candies and calling them my new best friends, the only papers that will be getting signed are the ones committing me to an asylum.


> Once the blood has stopped, have them sign, and date,
> the paper. Bring me these papers for my records.
> You may now go about your day knowing that the
> looks you're getting from people are those of
> respect and admiration. Feel free to enjoy a hard
> candy... You've earned one!

When will Dr. Teri be back?

I could've spelled it out for you, but you've just supported my hypothesis... You know that they're not talking about you... You know you're being irrational...

You're projecting your insecurities onto these people and you're acting irrationally... Why not take the pen and paper and write down everything you would say to these people?

Take deep breaths and suck on some hard candies while you're doing this... Soon, due to association, the hard candy alone will be enough to sooth you.

Realize that other people feel insecure too, and that their behavior stems, at least in part, from these insecurities. Their actions actually have nothing to do with you, Pam...

Most importantly, you are swimming in doubt... constantly asking questions with insignificant answers... It's like you're having a "bad trip" every day of your life.

You may not be able to completely eliminate these vulnerable feelings, but you can definitely help control them, with plenty of practice... Just don't act on your impulse!

This is exactly what my first post said... apparently you have a difficult time reading between the lines...

Signatures are for fags

Harry Tuttle Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I could've spelled it out for you, but you've just
> supported my hypothesis... You know that they're
> not talking about you... You know you're being
> irrational...
>
> You're projecting your insecurities onto these
> people and you're acting irrationally... Why not
> take the pen and paper and write down everything
> you would say to these people?
>
> Take deep breaths and suck on some hard candies
> while you're doing this... Soon, due to
> association, the hard candy alone will be enough
> to sooth you.
>
> Realize that other people feel insecure too, and
> that their behavior stems, at least in part, from
> these insecurities. Their actions actually have
> nothing to do with you, Pam...
>
> Most importantly, you are swimming in doubt...
> constantly asking questions with insignificant
> answers... It's like you're having a "bad trip"
> every day of your life.
>
> You may not be able to completely eliminate these
> vulnerable feelings, but you can definitely help
> control them, with plenty of practice... Just
> don't act on your impulse!


WOW! Now I understand what you were doing.
You didn't really want me to stab myself. You were just "shocking" me into seeing the ridiculousness of my own behavior. Just like that doctor in "What About Bob."
And I think it worked.

Last night I went to this great spot to look at the moon. Unfortunately, I was not alone.
You know, why can't people keep their big mouths shut when they've discovered something good?
When people asked me, "Hey, Pam, know of any good spots for viewing the moon tonight?", I said, "No, but if I hear of any, I'll let you know."

Anyway, I was standing in this park, watching the moon rise up over the horizon... so beautiful and majestic.
Out of the blue, I "heard" the person behind me say, "Look at that! Have you ever seen anything so big and round in your entire life? That should go down in the record books."
Normally I would have turned around and said something like, "My ass is big? From what I can see, the moon is smaller than that gigantic blubberous fat ass of yours. And, have you seen your nose, lately. It's longer than the state of Florida. So, shut the fuck up."

Instead, I calmly turned around and very politely said, "I really have no desire to stab myself and I'm sure you have no desire to tie little dental floss tourniquets around my wounds, now do you?"
The folks behind me immediately stopped critiquing my bottom and left the park.
I think your shock therapy worked beautifully.


> This is exactly what my first post said...

I see that now.


> apparently you have a difficult time reading
> between the lines...

Not any longer. You better watch out, Doctor Tuttle. I just might fall in love with you.

Dr. Teri Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Harry Tuttle Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > I could've spelled it out for you, but you've
> just
> > supported my hypothesis... You know that
> they're
> > not talking about you... You know you're being
> > irrational...
> >
> > You're projecting your insecurities onto these
> > people and you're acting irrationally... Why
> not
> > take the pen and paper and write down
> everything
> > you would say to these people?
> >
> > Take deep breaths and suck on some hard candies
> > while you're doing this... Soon, due to
> > association, the hard candy alone will be
> enough
> > to sooth you.
> >
> > Realize that other people feel insecure too,
> and
> > that their behavior stems, at least in part,
> from
> > these insecurities. Their actions actually have
> > nothing to do with you, Pam...
> >
> > Most importantly, you are swimming in doubt...
> > constantly asking questions with insignificant
> > answers... It's like you're having a "bad trip"
> > every day of your life.
> >
> > You may not be able to completely eliminate
> these
> > vulnerable feelings, but you can definitely
> help
> > control them, with plenty of practice... Just
> > don't act on your impulse!
>
>
> WOW! Now I understand what you were doing.
> You didn't really want me to stab myself. You were
> just "shocking" me into seeing the ridiculousness
> of my own behavior. Just like that doctor in "What
> About Bob."
> And I think it worked.
>
> Last night I went to this great spot to look at
> the moon. Unfortunately, I was not alone.
> You know, why can't people keep their big mouths
> shut when they've discovered something good?
> When people asked me, "Hey, Pam, know of any good
> spots for viewing the moon tonight?", I said,
> "No, but if I hear of any, I'll let you know."
>
> Anyway, I was standing in this park, watching the
> moon rise up over the horizon... so beautiful and
> majestic.
> Out of the blue, I "heard" the person behind me
> say, "Look at that! Have you ever seen anything so
> big and round in your entire life? That should go
> down in the record books."
> Normally I would have turned around and said
> something like, "My ass is big? From what I can
> see, the moon is smaller than that gigantic
> blubberous fat ass of yours. And, have you seen
> your nose, lately. It's longer than the state of
> Florida. So, shut the fuck up."
>
> Instead, I calmly turned around and very politely
> said, "I really have no desire to stab myself and
> I'm sure you have no desire to tie little dental
> floss tourniquets around my wounds, now do you?"
>
> The folks behind me immediately stopped critiquing
> my bottom and left the park.
> I think your shock therapy worked beautifully.
>
>
> > This is exactly what my first post said...
>
> I see that now.
>
>
> > apparently you have a difficult time reading
> > between the lines...
>
> Not any longer. You better watch out, Doctor
> Tuttle. I just might fall in love with you.


Shit. Isn't it ironic that those who claim to dish out the best advise are in dire need of it.

LOL and then LOL again!

That was me, paranoid Pam, not Dr. Teri. OMG, sorry, Dr. Teri.

I was thinking about the two doctors, Dr. Teri and Dr. Tuttle, noticing how their names both start with the letter T and then I thought, wouldn't it be funny if they got married and Dr. Teri became Dr. Teri Tuttle?

Anyway, somehow I typed in Dr. Teri's name instead of my own. LOL.

It's a good thing I didn't type Dr. Tuttle's name. Then it would look like he was talking to himself. LOL one more time.

I have re-posted my post right here with my own name, paranoid Pam.


Harry Tuttle Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I could've spelled it out for you, but you've just
> supported my hypothesis... You know that they're
> not talking about you... You know you're being
> irrational...
>
> You're projecting your insecurities onto these
> people and you're acting irrationally... Why not
> take the pen and paper and write down everything
> you would say to these people?
>
> Take deep breaths and suck on some hard candies
> while you're doing this... Soon, due to
> association, the hard candy alone will be enough
> to sooth you.
>
> Realize that other people feel insecure too, and
> that their behavior stems, at least in part, from
> these insecurities. Their actions actually have
> nothing to do with you, Pam...
>
> Most importantly, you are swimming in doubt...
> constantly asking questions with insignificant
> answers... It's like you're having a "bad trip"
> every day of your life.
>
> You may not be able to completely eliminate these
> vulnerable feelings, but you can definitely help
> control them, with plenty of practice... Just
> don't act on your impulse!


WOW! Now I understand what you were doing.
You didn't really want me to stab myself. You were just "shocking" me into seeing the ridiculousness of my own behavior. Just like that doctor in "What About Bob."
And I think it worked.

Last night I went to this great spot to look at the moon. Unfortunately, I was not alone.
You know, why can't people keep their big mouths shut when they've discovered something good?
When people asked me, "Hey, Pam, know of any good spots for viewing the moon tonight?", I said, "No, but if I hear of any, I'll let you know."

Anyway, I was standing in this park, watching the moon rise up over the horizon... so beautiful and majestic.
Out of the blue, I "heard" the person behind me say, "Look at that! Have you ever seen anything so big and round in your entire life? That should go down in the record books."
Normally I would have turned around and said something like, "My ass is big? From what I can see, the moon is smaller than that gigantic blubberous fat ass of yours. And, have you seen your nose, lately. It's longer than the state of Florida. So, shut the fuck up."

Instead, I calmly turned around and very politely said, "I really have no desire to stab myself and I'm sure you have no desire to tie little dental floss tourniquets around my wounds, now do you?"
The folks behind me immediately stopped critiquing my bottom and left the park.
I think your shock therapy worked beautifully.


> This is exactly what my first post said...

I see that now.


> apparently you have a difficult time reading
> between the lines...

Not any longer. You better watch out, Doctor Tuttle. I just might fall in love with you.

Harry Tuttle ain't not Doctor but he sure as shit needs one!

paranoid Pam Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> LOL and then LOL again!
>
> That was me, paranoid Pam, not Dr. Teri. OMG,
> sorry, Dr. Teri.
>
> I was thinking about the two doctors, Dr. Teri and
> Dr. Tuttle, noticing how their names both start
> with the letter T and then I thought, wouldn't it
> be funny if they got married and Dr. Teri became
> Dr. Teri Tuttle?
>
> Anyway, somehow I typed in Dr. Teri's name instead
> of my own. LOL.
>
> It's a good thing I didn't type Dr. Tuttle's name.
> Then it would look like he was talking to
> himself. LOL one more time.
>
> I have re-posted my post right here with my own
> name, paranoid Pam.
>
>
> Harry Tuttle Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > I could've spelled it out for you, but you've
> just
> > supported my hypothesis... You know that
> they're
> > not talking about you... You know you're being
> > irrational...
> >
> > You're projecting your insecurities onto these
> > people and you're acting irrationally... Why
> not
> > take the pen and paper and write down
> everything
> > you would say to these people?
> >
> > Take deep breaths and suck on some hard candies
> > while you're doing this... Soon, due to
> > association, the hard candy alone will be
> enough
> > to sooth you.
> >
> > Realize that other people feel insecure too,
> and
> > that their behavior stems, at least in part,
> from
> > these insecurities. Their actions actually have
> > nothing to do with you, Pam...
> >
> > Most importantly, you are swimming in doubt...
> > constantly asking questions with insignificant
> > answers... It's like you're having a "bad trip"
> > every day of your life.
> >
> > You may not be able to completely eliminate
> these
> > vulnerable feelings, but you can definitely
> help
> > control them, with plenty of practice... Just
> > don't act on your impulse!
>
>
> WOW! Now I understand what you were doing.
> You didn't really want me to stab myself. You were
> just "shocking" me into seeing the ridiculousness
> of my own behavior. Just like that doctor in "What
> About Bob."
> And I think it worked.
>
> Last night I went to this great spot to look at
> the moon. Unfortunately, I was not alone.
> You know, why can't people keep their big mouths
> shut when they've discovered something good?
> When people asked me, "Hey, Pam, know of any good
> spots for viewing the moon tonight?", I said, "No,
> but if I hear of any, I'll let you know."
>
> Anyway, I was standing in this park, watching the
> moon rise up over the horizon... so beautiful and
> majestic.
> Out of the blue, I "heard" the person behind me
> say, "Look at that! Have you ever seen anything so
> big and round in your entire life? That should go
> down in the record books."
> Normally I would have turned around and said
> something like, "My ass is big? From what I can
> see, the moon is smaller than that gigantic
> blubberous fat ass of yours. And, have you seen
> your nose, lately. It's longer than the state of
> Florida. So, shut the fuck up."
>
> Instead, I calmly turned around and very politely
> said, "I really have no desire to stab myself and
> I'm sure you have no desire to tie little dental
> floss tourniquets around my wounds, now do you?"
> The folks behind me immediately stopped critiquing
> my bottom and left the park.
> I think your shock therapy worked beautifully.
>
>
> > This is exactly what my first post said...
>
> I see that now.
>
>
> > apparently you have a difficult time reading
> > between the lines...
>
> Not any longer. You better watch out, Doctor
> Tuttle. I just might fall in love with you.


OMG, paranoid pam, did you watch the super moon? I miss the days when we did that kinda cool shit together. Is that stalker still following you?

6X Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
>
> OMG, paranoid pam, did you watch the super moon?

Well, yeah, once the person making fun of my bottom left the park.

> I
> miss the days when we did that kinda cool shit
> together.

Those were good days. What did we do together, exactly?

> Is that stalker still following you?

Which one?


I wonder why the spam prevention code for this post was UDXbM. See the bM there?
I hate sounding paranoid but last night some fatso ass was making fun of my bottom and today I'm given a spam code with a bM?
Is the code trying to say:
U (You) D (Da or The) X (Extra Large) bm (Bowel Movement)??

I'm a what?

Excuse me, I need to get my pen and my dental floss. BRB.

paranoid Pam Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> 6X Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> >
> > OMG, paranoid pam, did you watch the super
> moon?
>
> Well, yeah, once the person making fun of my
> bottom left the park.
>
> > I
> > miss the days when we did that kinda cool shit
> > together.
>
> Those were good days. What did we do together,
> exactly?
>
We would teach the dumb asses to STFU. Your ass is'nt big. Remember the time we had to teach the Marine to STFU @ that 4 of July Party?


> > Is that stalker still following you?
>
> Which one?
>
The one that would show up at your house all the time.


> I wonder why the spam prevention code for this
> post was UDXbM. See the bM there?
> I hate sounding paranoid but last night some fatso
> ass was making fun of my bottom and today I'm
> given a spam code with a bM?
> Is the code trying to say:
> U (You) D (Da or The) X (Extra Large) bm (Bowel
> Movement)??
>

That's just Cary. He tries to be funny.
> I'm a what?
>
> Excuse me, I need to get my pen and my dental
> floss. BRB.

Jesus Christ Dr. Teri! I just received your bill for my house visit and subsequent treatment. $12,000 for a home visit and relaxation therapy, I thought you accepted my insurance. Dr. Teri, can we work out a payment arrangement?

Some unsolicited advice, Ryno...

DO NOT TRY TO START A WAR WITH CARY! It didn't pan out well for anyone last time a self-proclaimed "stoner" tried that...

Cary is good.. Cary is all things good. Let Cary do his thing...

No need to start foul mouthing Cary...

Ok, BYE!

Signatures are for fags

Ryno78 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Jesus Christ Dr. Teri! I just received your bill
> for my house visit and subsequent treatment.
> $12,000 for a home visit and relaxation therapy, I
> thought you accepted my insurance. Dr. Teri, can
> we work out a payment arrangement?


1/2 of that bill goes to me for backup ..close the blinds... turn up the music..ect. I need $6000 & teri need to see you Mon.

Tuttle you gotta lay off the designer drugs. When and here did i bad mouth Cary. And who cares if I did? He can fight his own fight. Who the hell are you?

Ryno78 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Tuttle you gotta lay off the designer drugs. When
> and here did i bad mouth Cary. And who cares if I
> did? He can fight his own fight. Who the hell are
> you?

Ryno:
Cary is the administrator of this forum, like a boss, you bad mouth your b oss, and you know what could happen. You should maybe apologize.

You people are retarded or something. I have NOT bad-mouthed Cary. I stated that i believe he shouldn't be able to ban anybody if he truly wants this to be an open forum; and that he rarely does. Which is a pat on the back to him for protecting free speech. So Tuttle you over-reacted!

My unsolicited advice was just as well received as I had expected...

No worries, I'm not the "fight someone else's fight" guy, Ryno... I'm the "Can't we all just get along?" guy

I've thrown in my two Lincolns... Now my conscience is clear...

I think I need 4220CC of saline solution... STAT...

Signatures are for fags

I see... you want to talk about free speech? This could be entertaining...

Should we take this into the Ban Mr. Misery thread so we don't "fag up" Dr. Teri's place of business?

Ok, see ya there in a baker's dozen jiffs...

Signatures are for fags

Ryno78 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------

> Jesus Christ Dr. Teri!

Ryan, please don't use the Lord's name in vain.
And thank you for not smoking.

> I just received your bill
> for my house visit and subsequent treatment.
> $12,000 for a home visit and relaxation therapy,

That is the usual and customary charge in your geographic area for the treatment I provided.

> I thought you accepted my insurance.

Ryan, I clearly stated that I did not accept your insurance.
Your exact words were, "I understand. Please Dr. Teri, help me relax. Do anything you deem necessary. I'm all yours, Dr. Teri."

> Dr. Teri, can
> we work out a payment arrangement?

You'll be happy to know, Ryan, that I have already written off half your bill.
When I see you tomorrow we can discuss a payment plan that will hopefully permit you to continue receiving my services.

And Ryan, if you don't mind, please wear those little running shorts you had on yesterday.

Thank you.

Can i wash my shower curtain liner in the washing machine?

If so, what temperature do i set it on?

Conie Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Can i wash my shower curtain liner in the washing
> machine?

Sure you can.

> If so, what temperature do i set it on?

Cold. I would use the gentle cycle.

Some people throw vinegar into the wash. Others say make sure to throw in a few towels.

Conie, I'm glad you called. Earlier I received an email from an associate of yours. He is concerned about these ghosts you've been seeing.
Would you like to share your ghost stories with me?

Dr. Teri Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Conie Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > Can i wash my shower curtain liner in the
> washing
> > machine?
>
> Sure you can.
>
> > If so, what temperature do i set it on?
>
> Cold. I would use the gentle cycle.
>
> Some people throw vinegar into the wash. Others
> say make sure to throw in a few towels.
>
> Conie, I'm glad you called. Earlier I received an
> email from an associate of yours. He is concerned
> about these ghosts you've been seeing.
> Would you like to share your ghost stories with
> me?


Yes

right now i have to put my shower curtain in the washing machine

BRB

Dr. Teri, I met this guy last week and now he keeps sending me dirty texts and wants me to send him a picture of my asshole. It's getting on my nerves. What should I do?

nice girl Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Dr. Teri, I met this guy last week and now he
> keeps sending me dirty texts and wants me to send
> him a picture of my asshole.

Sounds like he's in love.

> It's getting on my
> nerves.

That's because you don't feel the same way.

> What should I do?

After thanking him for his kind expressions of affection, tell him never to attempt to contact you again.

Then, change your email address and buy a gun.

Good luck, nice girl.

Dr. Teri...

What's up with my moods?

Signatures are for fags