FML I thought today was Friday!

FML Wrote:
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> FML I thought today was Friday!


FML the transmission went out in my 07 toyota 3 hours after I made the last payment.

I asked for a double quarter pounder with no cheese and they gave me one with cheese. You just can't get the crappy McDonald's cheese off the burger once it melts.

Having to pee badly at the metro. This sucks.

FML Wrote:
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> FML I thought today was Friday!


FML my 401k plan is so lame now that it looks like I may have to use the 357 plan for my retirement.

Daily?
Weekly?
Monthly?
Yearly?

That is a lot of ground for me to cover...fuck it --- just have them etch "FML" into my tombstone.

A Minor Threat

Getting caught tuggin' it when I was 14

supdawg Wrote:
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> I asked for a double quarter pounder with no
> cheese and they gave me one with cheese. You just
> can't get the crappy McDonald's cheese off the
> burger once it melts.



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"...your suffering will be legendary even in Hell!"

Just got busted shit talking on the phone. Damn u iPhone.

Letting Conie suck my cock behind the chapel while we were in rehab together not knowing she would stalk the shit out of me afterwards. True Story.

You got stalked after just a blow job? I only stalk after good sex.

Connie Miller is a fucking mid-life crisis crazed bitch. She was having all sorts of marital problems and shit. She has some major co-dependency issues also.

Eli Khalife Wrote:
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> Connie is a fucking mid-life crisis crazed
> bitch. She was having all sorts of marital
> problems and shit. She has some major
> co-dependency issues also.

Well, she's eesh's sweetheart now, or had you not heard?

That is actually how I ended up on this site. First she wouldn't stop calling my house. My Mom eventually threatened her that she was going to get the police involved and the calls stopped. I was referred to this site from a friend of mine who had seen alot of the bullshit that she was posting about me on here. She's a lunatic.

younglovesortof Wrote:
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>
> Well, she's eesh's sweetheart now, or had you not
> heard?


I hope so. I hope he is getting some of her cash also. I kept her phone number in case I needed money. She gave me like 6000 dollars and then I never talked to her again. I am pretty sure she was kind of pissed about that too. It was a gift from her anyways but she could afford it...her ex husband was some kind of gas/oil tycoon and had loads of cash.

Omg!^^^^

Ummm ... I'm uncomfortable.

Monchichi Wrote:
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> Ummm ... I'm uncomfortable.


I have that way with people

FML Wrote:
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> FML I thought today was Friday!


FML I lost a easy-gravy job and now I have to search people's asses at a local jail. You would be amazed what some of them put in there.

i live across the street from Scottie...FML

I have not gotten laid in a year..FML..

the confessor Wrote:
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> I have not gotten laid in a year..FML..


word on the street is that if you pay for it then you problem is solved. i never had that problem though.

depputy Wrote:
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> FML Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > FML I thought today was Friday!
>
>
> FML I lost a easy-gravy job and now I have to
> search people's asses at a local jail. You would
> be amazed what some of them put in there.

I can only imagine.
Attachments:

My trasmission went out on my car Friday night....FML

Ahmayzin Wrote:
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> My trasmission went out on my car Friday
> night....FML


It's about time you get rid of that Cadillac Eldorado with spinners and beaded seat covers anyway.

When my boss said "you have to move to Virginia to keep your job"

FML!

When I found out I was pregnant with my husband's child. Well, I think it is his. I was all set to move out when the tests came back.

I found out that I got the herpes from a beautiful woman in Baltimore...FML.

smoke em if ya got em Wrote:
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> Ahmayzin Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > My trasmission went out on my car Friday
> > night....FML
>
>
> It's about time you get rid of that Cadillac
> Eldorado with spinners and beaded seat covers
> anyway.



O RLY? VW Jetta. My dream car is a '64 Impala with daytons and hydraulics. Seriously...just like the one Ice Cube had in Boyz in tha Hood.

BEH Wrote:
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> When my boss said "you have to move to Virginia to
> keep your job"
>
> FML!


I heard a story that back in the 1800's a French Diplomat, when learning he was being sent to Washington D.C., shot himself in the head. He preferred death over life in DC.

F M L!!!

I came home from work, drank a six pack of swilwakees best and ate a microwave burrito and now im gonna pass out.

repeat........

When I noticed misery is still posting.

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W.W.S.D. what would Scooby Doo

I had to attend a mandated training session at work. It was some woman teaching the class about having respect for females and sexual harrassment. She droned on for an hour about how men didnt show the proper repect and needed to get with the times. She was ugly and a total manhater.

We took a break and I went to the lounge to get a coke. I thought it was my buddy standing behind me so I said I bet that bitch never got asked out on a date in her life. When I turned around from the soda machine it was her and not my buddy.

I was certain I would get my ass kicked by the boss but I never heard a word. There is no way she did not hear me. So all ended well.

graymoose1 Wrote:
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> When I noticed misery is still posting.


You can thank TheNorthman for that one. He resurrected Misery's posting career the way Quentin Tarantino resurrected John Travolta's acting career with Pulp Fiction. And the worst part is he thinks he's helping us all.

God help us all

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W.W.S.D. what would Scooby Doo

graymoose1 Wrote:
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> God help us all

Someone should tell that North guy that Misery had no life to ruin in the first place. You cannot win against a man with nothing to lose.

I called the gutterguard company promised to clean my gutters for free if they ever clog up. Gutters are clogged and the company is out of business. FML!

My wife keeps catching me looking through the blinds at the neighbor's wife while I'm jerking off! She says that it's not healthy! Fuck her! The neighbor that is!

When I lost a $1,400,000 judgement to a retard because I have no self control or friends.

Or was it when I discovered that me and the retard are soulmates. The twin brother I never had

The second worst was when the director at the funeral home caught me masterbating to my mother while she lay in her casket.

I love the smell of dead fish.

I miss mommy

...can't get over Eesh, huh Miz? Keep baiting you four-eyed fat slob loser. LOL!

Fml, the night I lost the election and hid from ffxu for 8 days

FML bump

My wife left me and took the kids, my money and my Meade Skelton CD collection. I don’t like the kids, and my job pays well, but the loss of my Meade Skelton CD collection really hurts. FML

When I waz in prison I got raped every Thursday. I found out it was making things worse to try and fight with them. If you just lie still the whole thing is over in 20 minituez.

FML

One Sarurday, my high-strung wife went in to work (for 8 hours with a 30 min commute each way).

I decided to do the dishes.
I put some soap in the sink and turned on the hot water to cover the dishes with.
Suddenly I got a mad urge to take my morning shit.
I went to the bathroom.

15 minutes later, I find the kitchen is completely flooded.
I killed the water and began sopping up all the water.
It was even under the sink cabinet, too. All of the shit under there had to come out and be dried.
When I FINALLY got it all cleaned up, I was relieved.

I went down to the garage (under the kitchen) to get the car to go get some more paper towels.

HOLY MOTHER FUCKER!!!

The flood in the kitchen had made its way through the floor to the garage ceiling below. The entire ceiling was draining through various screw holes onto the car, mostly.

I backed the car out & closed the garage door to keep this shit private.
I got a ladder and poked more small holes wherever the water appeared heavier.
Eventually, the water stopped dripping.
I began squeegeeing all the water toward the door to get the garage dry. That took forever.

I realized if my wife were to learn of ANY of this, it would be very, very bad for me.

Not taking any chances, I set about filling the screw holes in the garage ceiling with caulk and then repainting the garage ceiling with Kilz to hide my crime.

I finished the massive clean up and left the garage open to air it out.

When she finally got home she never noticed a thing!
Weeks later, she never noticed any difference in the garage ceiling.

Ten years have passed and I think I succeeded in hiding this from her.

When you walk anywhere near the kitchen sink, the floor sqeaks like a bitch.

I got lucky. I had the time to hide my crime.
I wish any of you in the same boat get lucky, too.

I have a single-vehicle carport.

I live to post on ffu.

I knew that I was a homosexual from the time I was 12. I hid it from everyone for years but in my mid twenties I was tired of hiding it and came out to my close friends and family. I was afraid to tell my father but I had to because I was afraid others would tell him. When I got up the courage to tell him, he told me it’s was okay because he was gay too and offered to suck my cock.
FML

I am in my 80’s, but still working. In fact, I have a VERY important job and live in a big mansion in Washington DC. Years ago, I got in the habit of showering naked with my 11 year old daughter and making her touch my hairy legs. After doing this many times, I finally realized if other people found out about it they would think I am a pervert. But I didn’t know the little brat wrote it all down in her diary, which later got leaked to the press. FML

Shouldn’t have consumed so much of Meade’s birthday cake and ice cream. My chocolate starfish is about to scream.

The peak of my life was when I emerged from my mother's womb. It's been all downhill since then. Every day I'm more fucked than the day before.

Meade Skelton is the answer any time life gets you down. Meade puts a smile on everyone.

William Moreno not logged in Wrote:
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> The peak of my life was when I emerged from my
> mother's womb. It's been all downhill since then.
> Every day I'm more fucked than the day before,
> because I blame others for all the consequences
> of my own actions.
> I am known around the globe as a pedophile.
> I blew over a half million dollars of my parents' money.
> I went to jail for attempting to stab my father and
> contributed to his premature death.
> I sent my only friend to jail/prison for 3 years.
> I went to jail again for attacking my mother,
> violating protective orders, and preventing people from
> calling 911 for help.
> My brother and sister hate me, and I am not
> welcome at family events.


FIFY. Miz is still obsessing over eesh, and still has no clue who John Doe and TheNorthman are.

Realizing that this so called " Total Eclipse of the Sun" was the coolest thing I have ever experienced in my 45 years of existence on this earth.

Meade (screaming like a girl):
"mahdi! your weinie is stuck in my poopie chute! it's so tight! owwwwwww...!"