I have been working for Habitat for Humanity doing construction for the past 10 months, and while I love my job, by far the worst part is dealing with port a potties.

Yesterday, I was at the worksite and I just couldn't hold it in any longer. I went into our port-a-potty and sat down to poo. For anyone who has used port-a-potties a lot, you know that one of the terrible side effects, aside from the general grossness of port a potties, is the feeling of blue chemically laced pee/poo sludge water from previous users splashing back in/on your butt as you drop one from about three feet up.

To deal with this, I have come up with a variety of techniques, including my favorite, placing a little toilet paper raft into the poo hole to catch your poo and drop it gently into the vat of shit, however this isn't always possible when the shit vat has not yet changed phase from liquid --> solid sludge. I also try to shape my poo into longer logs in order to lessen the drop and reduce impact upon point of contact with liquid.

So there I was, trying to wiggle my butt into a long log of poop, when it broke off in the middle and *splash*, there goes the most vile filth splashing everywhere on my ass. It is times like this recently when I pause, sigh, and ask God why he does these things when I am trying to do good things for the world and be a good person.

I reach over to the toilet paper roll to wipe off this nastiness as best as I can, and as I do so, pause, sigh, and ask God why he does these things as I notice that there is no toilet paper in the port a potty.

After weighing my options for a few seconds, I realize I'm just going to have to zip up and deal. As I'm pulling up my pants, feeling this gross sludge drip down my leg, and having an existentialist moment questioning life, I walk ten feet over to our government van to see if there is any sort of paper product I can use to wipe up without my coworkers noticing.

I spend about five minutes looking around, and the most absorbent thing I have found up to this point is a bunch of crayola crayon wrappers, which I am seriously considering stripping off the crayons and using. However, a few moments later I spot out of the corner of my eye a cottonny-looking thing. It is a maxi pad.

"No, I can't do this," I think to myself. "This is beyond ridiculous." But ridiculous times cause for ridiculous deeds, and I think What Would MacGuyver Do as I grab the pad and go back to the port a potty. After wiping myself off, I look at this blue water stained, poo stained, pee stained maxi pad and think, "What on earth am I going to do with this thing?" I think back to high school chemistry class and buoyancy vs. density. Will this maxi pad float above the shit-water and mock me, being visible to everyone else who uses the port a potty for the rest of the week? Or will it sink mercifully to the bottom, hiding all evidence of my grossness? It is a tough and thoughtful decision, but eventually I guess that the pad will sink, and boy am I happy when I am right!

This temporary joy is fleeting, though, as I realize how pathetic I have become at being happy that my shit-stained maxi pad is sinking to my cheers and fist-pumping adulation - that is why I HATE port a potties.

Shit happens

Nice story
Bravo

Totally copied from Best of Craigslist.

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/chi/461379703.html

Serves you right for building homes for welfare cases. I always laugh when do gooder liberals are sweating away hammering and sawing on some house. Meanwhile some fat ghetto queen wearing her best Michael Vick jersey surrounded by her ten kids smiles at the stupidy of you people while she relaxes in a chair waiting for you to finish. Merry Christmas chump.

I saw that about 3 months ago on craigslist

a good story none the less

airlit Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I have been working for Habitat for Humanity doing
> construction for the past 10 months, and while I
> love my job, by far the worst part is dealing with
> port a potties.
>
> Yesterday, I was at the worksite and I just
> couldn't hold it in any longer. I went into our
> port-a-potty and sat down to poo. For anyone who
> has used port-a-potties a lot, you know that one
> of the terrible side effects, aside from the
> general grossness of port a potties, is the
> feeling of blue chemically laced pee/poo sludge
> water from previous users splashing back in/on
> your butt as you drop one from about three feet
> up.
>
> To deal with this, I have come up with a variety
> of techniques, including my favorite, placing a
> little toilet paper raft into the poo hole to
> catch your poo and drop it gently into the vat of
> shit, however this isn't always possible when the
> shit vat has not yet changed phase from liquid -->
> solid sludge. I also try to shape my poo into
> longer logs in order to lessen the drop and reduce
> impact upon point of contact with liquid.
>
> So there I was, trying to wiggle my butt into a
> long log of poop, when it broke off in the middle
> and *splash*, there goes the most vile filth
> splashing everywhere on my ass. It is times like
> this recently when I pause, sigh, and ask God why
> he does these things when I am trying to do good
> things for the world and be a good person.
>
> I reach over to the toilet paper roll to wipe off
> this nastiness as best as I can, and as I do so,
> pause, sigh, and ask God why he does these things
> as I notice that there is no toilet paper in the
> port a potty.
>
> After weighing my options for a few seconds, I
> realize I'm just going to have to zip up and deal.
> As I'm pulling up my pants, feeling this gross
> sludge drip down my leg, and having an
> existentialist moment questioning life, I walk ten
> feet over to our government van to see if there is
> any sort of paper product I can use to wipe up
> without my coworkers noticing.
>
> I spend about five minutes looking around, and the
> most absorbent thing I have found up to this point
> is a bunch of crayola crayon wrappers, which I am
> seriously considering stripping off the crayons
> and using. However, a few moments later I spot out
> of the corner of my eye a cottonny-looking thing.
> It is a maxi pad.
>
> "No, I can't do this," I think to myself. "This is
> beyond ridiculous." But ridiculous times cause for
> ridiculous deeds, and I think What Would MacGuyver
> Do as I grab the pad and go back to the port a
> potty. After wiping myself off, I look at this
> blue water stained, poo stained, pee stained maxi
> pad and think, "What on earth am I going to do
> with this thing?" I think back to high school
> chemistry class and buoyancy vs. density. Will
> this maxi pad float above the shit-water and mock
> me, being visible to everyone else who uses the
> port a potty for the rest of the week? Or will it
> sink mercifully to the bottom, hiding all evidence
> of my grossness? It is a tough and thoughtful
> decision, but eventually I guess that the pad will
> sink, and boy am I happy when I am right!
>
> This temporary joy is fleeting, though, as I
> realize how pathetic I have become at being happy
> that my shit-stained maxi pad is sinking to my
> cheers and fist-pumping adulation - that is why I
> HATE port a potties.


lovley story


Yours in Christ
Black Adam

Why would a government van have crayola crayon wrappers in it?
Did you eat some of the crayons before you shit?

That really happened toe at a concert. I tore my underwear into strips and used that

Raise, raise, shuga boom ba, sleep no longer, raise, QUICK!

--------------------------------------------------------------
13 4826 0948 82695 25847. Yes.

airlit Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I have been working for Habitat for Humanity doing
> construction for the past 10 months, and while I
> love my job, by far the worst part is dealing with
> port a potties.
>
> Yesterday, I was at the worksite and I just
> couldn't hold it in any longer. I went into our
> port-a-potty and sat down to poo. For anyone who
> has used port-a-potties a lot, you know that one
> of the terrible side effects, aside from the
> general grossness of port a potties, is the
> feeling of blue chemically laced pee/poo sludge
> water from previous users splashing back in/on
> your butt as you drop one from about three feet
> up.
>
> To deal with this, I have come up with a variety
> of techniques, including my favorite, placing a
> little toilet paper raft into the poo hole to
> catch your poo and drop it gently into the vat of
> shit, however this isn't always possible when the
> shit vat has not yet changed phase from liquid -->
> solid sludge. I also try to shape my poo into
> longer logs in order to lessen the drop and reduce
> impact upon point of contact with liquid.
>
> So there I was, trying to wiggle my butt into a
> long log of poop, when it broke off in the middle
> and *splash*, there goes the most vile filth
> splashing everywhere on my ass. It is times like
> this recently when I pause, sigh, and ask God why
> he does these things when I am trying to do good
> things for the world and be a good person.
>
> I reach over to the toilet paper roll to wipe off
> this nastiness as best as I can, and as I do so,
> pause, sigh, and ask God why he does these things
> as I notice that there is no toilet paper in the
> port a potty.
>
> After weighing my options for a few seconds, I
> realize I'm just going to have to zip up and deal.
> As I'm pulling up my pants, feeling this gross
> sludge drip down my leg, and having an
> existentialist moment questioning life, I walk ten
> feet over to our government van to see if there is
> any sort of paper product I can use to wipe up
> without my coworkers noticing.
>
> I spend about five minutes looking around, and the
> most absorbent thing I have found up to this point
> is a bunch of crayola crayon wrappers, which I am
> seriously considering stripping off the crayons
> and using. However, a few moments later I spot out
> of the corner of my eye a cottonny-looking thing.
> It is a maxi pad.
>
> "No, I can't do this," I think to myself. "This is
> beyond ridiculous." But ridiculous times cause for
> ridiculous deeds, and I think What Would MacGuyver
> Do as I grab the pad and go back to the port a
> potty. After wiping myself off, I look at this
> blue water stained, poo stained, pee stained maxi
> pad and think, "What on earth am I going to do
> with this thing?" I think back to high school
> chemistry class and buoyancy vs. density. Will
> this maxi pad float above the shit-water and mock
> me, being visible to everyone else who uses the
> port a potty for the rest of the week? Or will it
> sink mercifully to the bottom, hiding all evidence
> of my grossness? It is a tough and thoughtful
> decision, but eventually I guess that the pad will
> sink, and boy am I happy when I am right!
>
> This temporary joy is fleeting, though, as I
> realize how pathetic I have become at being happy
> that my shit-stained maxi pad is sinking to my
> cheers and fist-pumping adulation - that is why I
> HATE port a potties.


me thinks that's admirable.
what do you look like, airlit?

yeefuckinghaw

idontlikebeingrightaboutshitlikethisbutiam



Edited 21 time(s). Last edit at 5/31/1967 05:57AM by WingNut.

Last edit at 11/30/2015 01:37PM Last edit at 5/14/2015 03:52PM Last edit at 1/28/2014 05:57AM Last edit at 11/29/2015 01:10PM Last edit at 3/14/2011 11:52PM Last edit at 7/20/2012 04:07AM
Last edit at 6/29/2013 11:18PM Last edit at 3/19/2011 01:02PM Last edit at 3/26/2012 09:07PM



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/15/2015 10:48PM by WingNut.

If you think that port-a-potties are rough getting used to, try an actual latrine in the middle of the woods, complete with spider webs, flying insects, and no doors. One year we even had some assholes from another campsite stick a sharp, rusted gutter in our latrine, and someone almost sat on it. They also cut the hose at our wash basin (Don't worry, though, we got those pricks back real good).

==================================================================================================
"And if any women or children get their legs torn off, or faces caved in, well, it's tough shit for them." -2LT. Bert Stiles, 505th, 339th (On Berlin Bombardier Mission, 1944).

> ...try an actual latrine...

My father served in Korea as an in-the-field radio spook somewhere near some mountaintop. Said they had to use latrines even when the temps were WAY low. In Korea at that time you wore layer after layer of clothes to try to keep warm.

He said one day he and another guy followed some other guy out to the latrine (ditch) and quietly inserted a board/plank under the squatting guy at the appropriate time, then quietly removed it shortly thereafter. The guy raised his 437 layers of pants, turned around to look at his business, and saw nothing...etc etc etc.

Not surprisingly, my father was a private multiple times.

MrMephisto Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Raise, raise, shuga boom ba, sleep no longer,
> raise, QUICK!


ghey like u

Army brat Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> > ...try an actual latrine...
>
> My father served in Korea as an in-the-field radio
> spook somewhere near some mountaintop. Said they
> had to use latrines even when the temps were WAY
> low. In Korea at that time you wore layer after
> layer of clothes to try to keep warm.
>
> He said one day he and another guy followed some
> other guy out to the latrine (ditch) and quietly
> inserted a board/plank under the squatting guy at
> the appropriate time, then quietly removed it
> shortly thereafter. The guy raised his 437 layers
> of pants, turned around to look at his business,
> and saw nothing...etc etc etc.
>
> Not surprisingly, my father was a private multiple
> times.

LOL, the pranks that guys pull in those sort of situations is truly astounding. Some guys from my father's unit once drop kicked a port-a-pottie when another unit member was trying to take care of his business. He came out looking like a giant smurf.

==================================================================================================
"And if any women or children get their legs torn off, or faces caved in, well, it's tough shit for them." -2LT. Bert Stiles, 505th, 339th (On Berlin Bombardier Mission, 1944).

ThePackLeader Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Army brat Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > > ...try an actual latrine...
> >
> > My father served in Korea as an in-the-field
> radio
> > spook somewhere near some mountaintop. Said
> they
> > had to use latrines even when the temps were
> WAY
> > low. In Korea at that time you wore layer after
> > layer of clothes to try to keep warm.
> >
> > He said one day he and another guy followed
> some
> > other guy out to the latrine (ditch) and
> quietly
> > inserted a board/plank under the squatting guy
> at
> > the appropriate time, then quietly removed it
> > shortly thereafter. The guy raised his 437
> layers
> > of pants, turned around to look at his
> business,
> > and saw nothing...etc etc etc.
> >
> > Not surprisingly, my father was a private
> multiple
> > times.
>
> LOL, the pranks that guys pull in those sort of
> situations is truly astounding. Some guys from my
> father's unit once drop kicked a port-a-pottie
> when another unit member was trying to take care
> of his business. He came out looking like a giant
> smurf.


EAT PORT-A-POTTIE SHIT, POOCHIE!

Terrible story to read, and so many puns for comments. Thanks for sharing. I was in the peace corp in the Philippines for two years and saw my share of terrible toilets. Then I get back to New York and I join a construction company and that was one of the first cons I thought of when I entered the field: I didn't think about how I might get injured, or the hours I'd be working. I thought about having to deal with the port a pottys again! Luckily the company I work for keeps theirs clean and goes through a good port a potty provider, which is Aparos Little John. Never have I appreciated a port a potty so much. The difference is amazing. Anyways they are http://www.aparos.com if anyone needs a good provider.

I was standing in line at a porter pottie during aclfestival 2009. i was really drunk and i couldn't hold my piss anymore. i ended pissing myself. i was wearing shorts and the girl infront of me turned around and looked to see what was going on because it ended up that i was peeing on her shoe. i just looked at her and then i walked away.

Those girls are sloots. Look it up. Porta Potties.

I said it.

Nic

Nic Richie Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Those girls are sloots. Look it up. Porta Potties.
>
>
> I said it.
>
> Nic


The dirty

Dirty Army.

DA.

The Dirty.