yesterday i had a fucked up dream that I was already back in afghanistan with 10 more bullshit months ahead of me. i felt like I got jipped on my leave. but I realized it was only a dream so I looked at my reality yet saw no difference. my 18 day leave is just about up and i have yet to reap any good out of it. something is not right with me. everything should be good but Im just depressed all the fuckin time. in the civilian world Im living good, or at least I should be. my mom is nothing but nice to me yet when I think these here thoughts I take her for granted. my brother is a good dude. he's like my only real friend. other than that, I've concluded life isnt worth living. i came to this conclusion even before I joined the army. before then i never had the balls to pull the trigger after I bought that mossburg 12 gauge to end this bullshit life. girls reject me because I dont have any initiative. i fuck girls i pay because it makes me feel better but after the rush i end up feeling worse because Im fooling myself into believing i have confidence and that they actually like me. Im just a miserable piece of shit who can't hold an ounce of confidence unless Im being mean. thats the only thing Im good at. being mean. the only girl who really gives a shit about me has a boyfriend and a kid. everything is wrong. im miserable. Im tired of this shit. Im so past that point 2 years ago where I was undecided if i should take my life or go on living. the only solution to life is death. it may sound stupid but the reality is that before there was life there were no problems. to get back to that state where problems wouldn't have to get solved and wounds wouldn't have to be healed because of the purity of not existing in the first place I'd have to apply the solution of death. otherwise I'm stuck in this perpetual cycle of hope to disillusionment right back to hope again. truth is, i see no real hope. nothing lasting. fact is, i go back to afghanistan and complete the rest of my tour there. i come back and feel empty all over again. whats the fuckin point

I think there was an episode of The Sopranos about stuff like this.

THE POINT IS your mother and your brother!

You may feel at times that you have nothing to live for, but you should try instead of thinking about how your mother and brother would feel should you decide to "pull the trigger".

I am thankful that you have signed up to protect our freedom, and I want you to know how PROUD I am of you!

THANK YOU!

Get a dishonorable discharge, then an undergraduate degree, then go to law school and get hired by a blue-chip firm. You'll be in debt in the short-term, but will have so much f***ing work to do that you won't have time to notice your feelings of disillusionment. -§

this lame thread reeks of EJ.


"the wisdom of the wise will perish, the intelligence of the intelligent will vanish."

More Randon Thoughts:

1. Why can't you kiss a hooker?
2. Does anal bleaching work?
3. ??

Gravis Wrote:
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> this lame thread reeks of EJ.

Actually, no it doesn't. It is from this blog: http://pwnfuk.blogspot.com/

And, the blog entry happens to be from today. Ahh, the wonders of google.

No if you kill yourself, you will never porn again. Nobody wants that to happen, think about it..GREAT HOLY BEAUTIFUL PORN, plus you will have to say bye to warez =( and your family, ya just leave the gun alone and try moving on

not me..

If a sincere post, please call local military treatment facility or Walter Reed Hospital for help. If you really have PTSD, you can be helped.

If this is someone's idea of black humor or trolling, please consider the people who read this thread with relatives and friends that have died in the Iraq/Afghanistan wars. This post is mean-spirited and mocks the valiant men and women in our armed services.

im not sure how this thread could be misconstrued as offensive to those with friends and children overseas. the fact that there might be depressed and mentally unstable people in the DoD? i think this must have struck a particular chord with you for whatever reason that may be. additionally there was no reason to point to PTSD. this person seems to have suffered from depression before they were deployed to Afghanistan and that seems to be the root cause of the turmoil. i thought the text was rather poignant. yes, and sad too.

not trying to start a fight, i know your intentions are only good. however felt a need to provide a counter to your message

Thank you, "dont understand." Problem seems simple enough. If valid, person needs medical help. If phony, it's not funny and it discredits Service men and women. I don't mean to be contentious, either; however, I'm not sure what your "counter" is countering.

I can't fall asleep tonight.