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Welcome to Fairfax Underground, a project site designed to improve communication among residents of Fairfax County, VA. Feel free to post anything Northern Virginia residents would find interesting.
God's covenant with Abraham
Posted by:
DeadSkin
()
Date: September 06, 2009 04:55PM
In retrospect, did Abraham do the right thing by his decendants after all these years in entering into the following covenant with God? What if he hadn't? I think it would be a different world we would be living in.
[1] When Abram was ninety-nine years old, the Lord appeared to him and said, "I am God Almighty; walk before me and be blameless. [2] I will confirm my covenant between me and you and will greatly increase your numbers."
[3] Abram fell facedown, and God said to him, [4] "As for me, this is my covenant with you: You will be the father of many nations. [5] No longer will you be called Abram; your name will be Abraham, for I have made you a father of many nations. [6] I will make you very fruitful; I will make nations of you, and kings will come from you. [7] I will establish my covenant as an everlasting covenant between me and you and your descendants after you for the generations to come, to be your God and the God of your descendants after you. [8] The whole land of Canaan, where you are now an alien, I will give as an everlasting possession to you and your descendants after you; and I will be their God."
[9] Then God said to Abraham, "As for you, you must keep my covenant, you and your descendants after you for the generations to come. [10] This is my covenant with you and your descendants after you, the covenant you are to keep: Every male among you shall be circumcised. [11] You are to undergo circumcision, and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and you. [12] For the generations to come every male among you who is eight days old must be circumcised, including those born in your household or bought with money from a foreigner--those who are not your offspring. [13] Whether born in your household or bought with your money, they must be circumcised. My covenant in your flesh is to be an everlasting covenant. [14] Any uncircumcised male, who has not been circumcised in the flesh, will be cut off from his people; he has broken my covenant."
23] On that very day Abraham took his son Ishmael and all those born in his household or bought with his money, every male in his household, and circumcised them, as God told him. [24] Abraham was ninety-nine years old when he was circumcised, [25] and his son Ishmael was thirteen; [26] Abraham and his son Ishmael were both circumcised on that same day. [27] And every male in Abraham's household, including those born in his household or bought from a foreigner, was circumcised with him.
[1] When Abram was ninety-nine years old, the Lord appeared to him and said, "I am God Almighty; walk before me and be blameless. [2] I will confirm my covenant between me and you and will greatly increase your numbers."
[3] Abram fell facedown, and God said to him, [4] "As for me, this is my covenant with you: You will be the father of many nations. [5] No longer will you be called Abram; your name will be Abraham, for I have made you a father of many nations. [6] I will make you very fruitful; I will make nations of you, and kings will come from you. [7] I will establish my covenant as an everlasting covenant between me and you and your descendants after you for the generations to come, to be your God and the God of your descendants after you. [8] The whole land of Canaan, where you are now an alien, I will give as an everlasting possession to you and your descendants after you; and I will be their God."
[9] Then God said to Abraham, "As for you, you must keep my covenant, you and your descendants after you for the generations to come. [10] This is my covenant with you and your descendants after you, the covenant you are to keep: Every male among you shall be circumcised. [11] You are to undergo circumcision, and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and you. [12] For the generations to come every male among you who is eight days old must be circumcised, including those born in your household or bought with money from a foreigner--those who are not your offspring. [13] Whether born in your household or bought with your money, they must be circumcised. My covenant in your flesh is to be an everlasting covenant. [14] Any uncircumcised male, who has not been circumcised in the flesh, will be cut off from his people; he has broken my covenant."
23] On that very day Abraham took his son Ishmael and all those born in his household or bought with his money, every male in his household, and circumcised them, as God told him. [24] Abraham was ninety-nine years old when he was circumcised, [25] and his son Ishmael was thirteen; [26] Abraham and his son Ishmael were both circumcised on that same day. [27] And every male in Abraham's household, including those born in his household or bought from a foreigner, was circumcised with him.
Re: God's covenant with Abraham
Posted by:
eesh
()
Date: September 06, 2009 05:05PM
I think you have the wrong forum. This one is dedicated to intellectual topics such as "Do strippers make good girlfriends" and "Jiggly Asian Boobies."
Blessed are the murderous.
Blessed are the murderous.
Re: God's covenant with Abraham
Posted by:
graymoose1
()
Date: September 06, 2009 05:31PM
LOL
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W.W.S.D. what would Scooby Doo
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W.W.S.D. what would Scooby Doo
Re: God's covenant with Abraham
Posted by:
DeadSkin
()
Date: September 06, 2009 06:45PM
eesh Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I think you have the wrong forum. This one is
> dedicated to intellectual topics such as "Do
> strippers make good girlfriends" and "Jiggly Asian
> Boobies."
... and, don't forget, genital piercing ...
-------------------------------------------------------
> I think you have the wrong forum. This one is
> dedicated to intellectual topics such as "Do
> strippers make good girlfriends" and "Jiggly Asian
> Boobies."
... and, don't forget, genital piercing ...
Re: God's covenant with Abraham
Posted by:
Harry Tuttle
()
Date: September 06, 2009 07:04PM
Pretty interesting... Why such a high value placed on circumcision? Are Jews descendants of Abraham?
Re: God's covenant with Abraham
Posted by:
eesh
()
Date: September 06, 2009 07:07PM
Harry Tuttle Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Why such a high value placed on circumcision?
Women prefer cut men, the head rubs against their nerve endings better. Plus, uncut dick looks like the sandworms from the movie Dune.
Blessed are the murderous.
-------------------------------------------------------
> Why such a high value placed on circumcision?
Women prefer cut men, the head rubs against their nerve endings better. Plus, uncut dick looks like the sandworms from the movie Dune.
Blessed are the murderous.
Re: God's covenant with Abraham
Posted by:
Harry Tuttle
()
Date: September 06, 2009 07:36PM
So are you saying that God was giving 99 year old Abraham advice on how to get more women by telling him to circumcise every male in his house? Since women love the cut dicks, Abraham's family would get more women, bringing more children into Abraham's family, thusly making Abraham the father of many nations?
P.S. I thought women loved the sandworms from Dune?
eesh Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
>
> Women prefer cut men, the head rubs against their
> nerve endings better. Plus, uncut dick looks like
> the sandworms from the movie Dune.
P.S. I thought women loved the sandworms from Dune?
eesh Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
>
> Women prefer cut men, the head rubs against their
> nerve endings better. Plus, uncut dick looks like
> the sandworms from the movie Dune.
Re: God's covenant with Abraham
Posted by:
MrMephisto
()
Date: September 06, 2009 07:46PM
I have nothing to back this up with, but it makes sense to me that circumcision would be a quick and easy way to tell a Jew from a non-Jew. That way, the parents of the betrothed could be sure that the bloodline was staying pure. Sort of like a cattle brand, to distinguish a herd.
More Jews marrying each other and having kids = more worshipers = a stronger nation of Israel.
However, it would probably be a tough sell to get parents to chop a perfectly good piece of their perfectly healthy infant's wiener off, so just say that God commands it and you'll be cut off (no pun intended) from the tribe if you don't.
That's what I'd do, anyway.
--------------------------------------------------------------
13 4826 0948 82695 25847. Yes.
More Jews marrying each other and having kids = more worshipers = a stronger nation of Israel.
However, it would probably be a tough sell to get parents to chop a perfectly good piece of their perfectly healthy infant's wiener off, so just say that God commands it and you'll be cut off (no pun intended) from the tribe if you don't.
That's what I'd do, anyway.
--------------------------------------------------------------
13 4826 0948 82695 25847. Yes.
Re: God's covenant with Abraham
Posted by:
Harry Tuttle
()
Date: September 06, 2009 08:09PM
That makes sense to an extent but it seems, if all they were after was an easy way to distinguish themselves from others, they would have the distinguishing mark in a more visible place. Did the ancient ones do a lot of dick checking back then?
Why wouldn't they have thought of a "Holy Mark" to tattoo on everyone's arms or forehead?
Quote
One Jew Says to Another
You have very good ideas that make a lot of sense. I think I'd like to support your cause... Of course, I'll have to check your penis first.
Why wouldn't they have thought of a "Holy Mark" to tattoo on everyone's arms or forehead?
Re: God's covenant with Abraham
Posted by:
MrMephisto
()
Date: September 06, 2009 08:32PM
Harry Tuttle Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> That makes sense to an extent but it seems, if all
> they were after was an easy way to distinguish
> themselves from others, they would have the
> distinguishing mark in a more visible place. Did
> the ancient ones do a lot of dick checking back
> then?
>
>
> You have very good ideas that make a lot of sense.
> I think I'd like to support your cause... Of
> course, I'll have to check your penis first.
>
>
> Why wouldn't they have thought of a "Holy Mark" to
> tattoo on everyone's arms or forehead?
I'm not going to say it was to make sure you were dealing with another Jew, but they really didn't have anything to go on back then; no way of verifying identity, whatever. It seems that a circumcision would allow your daughter to be sure that she was about to have a totally Jewish baby, while keeping the man from being immediately identified as a Jew in public.
If you'll recall, they weren't the most popular people back then. Personally, I'd rather have a piece of my dick cut off at birth than walk around with a big "PERSECUTE ME" sign on my forehead.
--------------------------------------------------------------
13 4826 0948 82695 25847. Yes.
-------------------------------------------------------
> That makes sense to an extent but it seems, if all
> they were after was an easy way to distinguish
> themselves from others, they would have the
> distinguishing mark in a more visible place. Did
> the ancient ones do a lot of dick checking back
> then?
>
>
> You have very good ideas that make a lot of sense.
> I think I'd like to support your cause... Of
> course, I'll have to check your penis first.
>
>
> Why wouldn't they have thought of a "Holy Mark" to
> tattoo on everyone's arms or forehead?
I'm not going to say it was to make sure you were dealing with another Jew, but they really didn't have anything to go on back then; no way of verifying identity, whatever. It seems that a circumcision would allow your daughter to be sure that she was about to have a totally Jewish baby, while keeping the man from being immediately identified as a Jew in public.
If you'll recall, they weren't the most popular people back then. Personally, I'd rather have a piece of my dick cut off at birth than walk around with a big "PERSECUTE ME" sign on my forehead.
--------------------------------------------------------------
13 4826 0948 82695 25847. Yes.
Re: God's covenant with Abraham
Posted by:
Harry Tuttle
()
Date: September 06, 2009 09:29PM
That's a good point and it adds another meaning to "be[ing] cut off from [the] covenant". Instead of being disowned by his people, the man would lose the ability to procreate within his tribe.
I do find it unfair though. How would a man know if he was about to have a baby with a non-jewish woman? Do you think God shows preferential treatment to women?
MrMephisto Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> It seems that a
> circumcision would allow your daughter to be sure
> that she was about to have a totally Jewish baby,
> while keeping the man from being immediately
> identified as a Jew in public.
I do find it unfair though. How would a man know if he was about to have a baby with a non-jewish woman? Do you think God shows preferential treatment to women?
MrMephisto Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> It seems that a
> circumcision would allow your daughter to be sure
> that she was about to have a totally Jewish baby,
> while keeping the man from being immediately
> identified as a Jew in public.
Re: God's covenant with Abraham
Posted by:
Jehovah Moon Beams
()
Date: September 06, 2009 09:55PM
Now the princes of the people had their dwelling in Jerusalem; but as for the rest of the people, they cast lots to bring in one out of every ten to dwell in Jerusalem the holy city, and the nine other parts in the other cities. More-over, the people blessed all the men who volunteered to dwell in Jerusalem.
Re: God's covenant with Abraham
Posted by:
bloody blisters
()
Date: September 06, 2009 10:26PM
what the fuck?
Re: God's covenant with Abraham
Posted by:
eesh
()
Date: September 06, 2009 10:29PM
Jehovah Moon Beams Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Now the princes of the people had their dwelling
> in Jerusalem; but as for the rest of the people,
> they cast lots to bring in one out of every ten to
> dwell in Jerusalem the holy city, and the nine
> other parts in the other cities. More-over, the
> people blessed all the men who volunteered to
> dwell in Jerusalem.
>
>
How does that video have any relation to your post?
Blessed are the murderous.
-------------------------------------------------------
> Now the princes of the people had their dwelling
> in Jerusalem; but as for the rest of the people,
> they cast lots to bring in one out of every ten to
> dwell in Jerusalem the holy city, and the nine
> other parts in the other cities. More-over, the
> people blessed all the men who volunteered to
> dwell in Jerusalem.
>
>
How does that video have any relation to your post?
Blessed are the murderous.
Re: God's covenant with Abraham
Posted by:
Melissa
()
Date: September 06, 2009 11:32PM
Wow, all I saw was blah blah blah blah blah.....
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Being vague is almost as fun as that other thing.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Being vague is almost as fun as that other thing.
Re: God's covenant with Abraham
Posted by:
Harry Tuttle
()
Date: September 07, 2009 12:03AM
Allow me to condense it for you...
God told Abraham (then Abram) that in exchange for circumcising himself and every man in his house, his family would be very prosperous and he would be the "father of many nations". Because of this, he would now be called Abraham.
The OP was imagining what life would be like if God and Abraham never made that little deal...
Circumcision discussions ensued.
The end...
Melissa Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Wow, all I saw was blah blah blah blah blah.....
God told Abraham (then Abram) that in exchange for circumcising himself and every man in his house, his family would be very prosperous and he would be the "father of many nations". Because of this, he would now be called Abraham.
The OP was imagining what life would be like if God and Abraham never made that little deal...
Circumcision discussions ensued.
The end...
Melissa Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Wow, all I saw was blah blah blah blah blah.....
Re: God's covenant with Abraham
Posted by:
Melissa
()
Date: September 07, 2009 12:17AM
Aha! Weenies look better without the turtleneck.
The end.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Being vague is almost as fun as that other thing.
The end.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Being vague is almost as fun as that other thing.
Re: God's covenant with Abraham
Posted by:
eesh
()
Date: September 07, 2009 12:21AM
Melissa Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Aha! Weenies look better without the turtleneck.
>
> The end.
But Melissa, you don't like weenies....
Blessed are the murderous.
-------------------------------------------------------
> Aha! Weenies look better without the turtleneck.
>
> The end.
But Melissa, you don't like weenies....
Blessed are the murderous.
Re: God's covenant with Abraham
Posted by:
Melissa
()
Date: September 07, 2009 12:23AM
Nope, but they're better without the head cheese.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Being vague is almost as fun as that other thing.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Being vague is almost as fun as that other thing.
Re: God's covenant with Abraham
Posted by:
Harry Tuttle
()
Date: September 07, 2009 12:35AM
Have a bad experience with the "duck butter" Melissa?
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/07/2009 12:35AM by Harry Tuttle.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/07/2009 12:35AM by Harry Tuttle.
Re: God's covenant with Abraham
Posted by:
bloody blisters
()
Date: September 07, 2009 12:36AM
could be the reason why she's a lezzy nowadays
Re: God's covenant with Abraham
Posted by:
eesh
()
Date: September 07, 2009 12:41AM
bloody blisters Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> could be the reason why she's a lezzy nowadays
That is EXTREMELY disrespectful. The proper term is "non-heterosexual female" or the more casual "thunderdyke."
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/07/2009 12:42AM by eesh.
-------------------------------------------------------
> could be the reason why she's a lezzy nowadays
That is EXTREMELY disrespectful. The proper term is "non-heterosexual female" or the more casual "thunderdyke."
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/07/2009 12:42AM by eesh.
Re: God's covenant with Abraham
Posted by:
eesh
()
Date: September 07, 2009 12:41AM
Double post.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/07/2009 12:41AM by eesh.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/07/2009 12:41AM by eesh.
Re: God's covenant with Abraham
Posted by:
Harry Tuttle
()
Date: September 07, 2009 12:46AM
I always thought that the whole thing about her "golden cunt" was hilarious...
Re: God's covenant with Abraham
Posted by:
Melissa
()
Date: September 07, 2009 09:21AM
Duck butter?!? HA HA HA! You amuse me, Harry.
Yes, Harry, it is made of gold. Feel free to bow in the presence of my glory.
Sincerely,
Thunderdyke McGoldencunt
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Being vague is almost as fun as that other thing.
Yes, Harry, it is made of gold. Feel free to bow in the presence of my glory.
Sincerely,
Thunderdyke McGoldencunt
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Being vague is almost as fun as that other thing.
Re: God's covenant with Abraham
Posted by:
Vince(1)
()
Date: September 07, 2009 10:45PM
Did you know that every ounce of gold ever mined from the beginning of time is still in existence? It never corrodes. The ring on your finger is composed of the actual complex molecules formed at the moment of "creation"...the gold on your finger was there.
Registered Voter...a Big talking coward..big man on FFXU...little man in life.
Registered Voter...a Big talking coward..big man on FFXU...little man in life.
Re: God's covenant with Abraham
Posted by:
eesh
()
Date: September 07, 2009 10:55PM
Vince(1) Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Did you know that every ounce of gold ever mined
> from the beginning of time is still in existence?
> It never corrodes. The ring on your finger is
> composed of the actual complex molecules formed at
> the moment of "creation"...the gold on your finger
> was there.
Yes Professor Vince. We all learned in high school physics that matter can never be created or destroyed. All matter has been here since the creation of the universe.
Blessed are the murderous.
-------------------------------------------------------
> Did you know that every ounce of gold ever mined
> from the beginning of time is still in existence?
> It never corrodes. The ring on your finger is
> composed of the actual complex molecules formed at
> the moment of "creation"...the gold on your finger
> was there.
Yes Professor Vince. We all learned in high school physics that matter can never be created or destroyed. All matter has been here since the creation of the universe.
Blessed are the murderous.
Re: God's covenant with Abraham
Posted by:
LOLcat
()
Date: September 11, 2009 03:14PM
God sed ta Abraham lincun "kill me a son"
Abe sed "man yew muzt be puttin me awn"
God sed "nope"
Abe sed "whut?"
God sed "yew ken dew whut ya wunt abe BUT necks time yew see meez yew better runz"!
Abe Sed "I seez yew owt on HIGHWAY Sixty WUNZ"
Abe sed "man yew muzt be puttin me awn"
God sed "nope"
Abe sed "whut?"
God sed "yew ken dew whut ya wunt abe BUT necks time yew see meez yew better runz"!
Abe Sed "I seez yew owt on HIGHWAY Sixty WUNZ"
Re: God's covenant with Abraham
Posted by:
Slick
()
Date: September 11, 2009 03:22PM
Harry Tuttle Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Have a bad experience with the "duck butter"
> Melissa?
"Duck Butter"? I haven't used that stuff since I had a factory job one summer.
http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.herchem.com/products/images/duck-butter.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.herchem.com/products/oil_lubricants.html&h=129&w=146&sz=5&tbnid=tvd5Zx57npNOeM:&tbnh=84&tbnw=95&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dduck%2Bbutter&hl=en&usg=__UKmqiU71UmxfHp0E55T4Q5c0y7M=&ei=x6KqSvXvF9TdlAfItZXMBg&sa=X&oi=image_result&resnum=9&ct=image
-------------------------------------------------------
> Have a bad experience with the "duck butter"
> Melissa?
"Duck Butter"? I haven't used that stuff since I had a factory job one summer.
http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.herchem.com/products/images/duck-butter.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.herchem.com/products/oil_lubricants.html&h=129&w=146&sz=5&tbnid=tvd5Zx57npNOeM:&tbnh=84&tbnw=95&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dduck%2Bbutter&hl=en&usg=__UKmqiU71UmxfHp0E55T4Q5c0y7M=&ei=x6KqSvXvF9TdlAfItZXMBg&sa=X&oi=image_result&resnum=9&ct=image
Re: God's covenant with Abraham
Posted by:
SEA
()
Date: April 14, 2010 01:39PM
Fuck Abraham, he's a fake! Though he was an extremely, very intelligent man to get people to take stones and mutilate their baby penises!!
Re: God's covenant with Abraham
Posted by:
Tigerstyle
()
Date: April 14, 2010 01:52PM
eesh Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Harry Tuttle Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > Why such a high value placed on circumcision?
>
>
> Women prefer cut men, the head rubs against their
> nerve endings better. Plus, uncut dick looks like
> the sandworms from the movie Dune.
LOL!
-------------------------------------------------------
> Harry Tuttle Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > Why such a high value placed on circumcision?
>
>
> Women prefer cut men, the head rubs against their
> nerve endings better. Plus, uncut dick looks like
> the sandworms from the movie Dune.
LOL!
Re: God's covenant with Abraham
Posted by:
ThePackLeader
()
Date: April 14, 2010 11:12PM
Harry Tuttle Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Pretty interesting... Why such a high value placed
> on circumcision? Are Jews descendants of Abraham?
All three ME religions descend from Abraham.
==================================================================================================
"And if any women or children get their legs torn off, or faces caved in, well, it's tough shit for them." -2LT. Bert Stiles, 505th, 339th (On Berlin Bombardier Mission, 1944).
-------------------------------------------------------
> Pretty interesting... Why such a high value placed
> on circumcision? Are Jews descendants of Abraham?
All three ME religions descend from Abraham.
==================================================================================================
"And if any women or children get their legs torn off, or faces caved in, well, it's tough shit for them." -2LT. Bert Stiles, 505th, 339th (On Berlin Bombardier Mission, 1944).
Re: God's covenant with Abraham
Posted by:
Troll@AOL
()
Date: April 14, 2010 11:24PM
'Cockage Cheez'