OK. I have to rant for a second about an unwritten rule of the office restroom. This can apply to either men's or women's restrooms equally.

We have a men's room at the office that has 2 urinals and 4 stalls. When I usually take a cozy shit at the office, I typically pick the last stall on the end, moreso for privacy reasons and the fact that it's lessens the chance that someone will camp out in the stall next to mine. Likewise, when I walk into an occupied restroom, I usually pick a stall that is away from others as a courtesy (unless there's a full house; then there's no choice). It's an unwritten rule, after all.

Without fucking fail, there's always this one dude, who instead of picking the other two available stalls away from my occupied stall, he picks the one next to mine! WTF. NOT COOL.

In the meantime, I get to hear UP-CLOSE a man in his 20th hour of intense labor, followed by heavy panting and wheezing, not to mention, every snap, crackle and plop right in my fucking ear the entire time! GOD. DAMN. IT. Don't get me started on the stink.

What was this person hoping to accomplish by picking the stall next to mine? All Larry Craig jokes aside, there was no tapping of any sort or overt signals of the like. Was this person hoping to passive aggressively force me out of the restroom so he could have it all to himself? FUCK. THAT. SHIT. I will wait you out, bitch.

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, IF ONE IS AVAILABLE, PICK THE STALL FURTHEST AWAY FROM ME!!!

Edit: I think I know how to fix this: take out the roll of toilet paper in the stall next to mine every time. Ha!

ever watch american pie?
sh*tbreak for the win

im tired of walking into the bathroom and theres always someone taking a dump. is it just me or do i prefer to have a little privacy when losing some pounds

Same goes for the urinal. Don't stand right next to me to piss if there are other urinals available.

And, for the love of god, don't talk to me while I'm pissing!

be careful when taking the TP out of the stall next to you. he might ask if you have any toilet paper in your stall. maybe it is his routine to always shit in that stall, that could be his "comfort" stall and you guys happen to be on the same shitting schedule. my best advice would be to either pee all over the seat or get a chocolate bar and make some artificial skid marks. good luck and happy shitting.

bloody blisters Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> be careful when taking the TP out of the stall
> next to you. he might ask if you have any toilet
> paper in your stall. maybe it is his routine to
> always shit in that stall, that could be his
> "comfort" stall and you guys happen to be on the
> same shitting schedule. my best advice would be to
> either pee all over the seat or get a chocolate
> bar and make some artificial skid marks. good luck
> and happy shitting.


LMAO hahahaah
i liked that response
thanks

i do pay attention to people that do not wash their hands after using the restroom.

As a janitor, I happen to be an expert on bathroom etiquette. I'll gloss over the basics, but I could teach a whole course:

Taking a piss:

1. Always leave one urinal between you and the next person. If your bathroom only has two urinals, the second person uses a stall.

2. Pissing in adjacent stalls is OK.

3. Talking is only allowed as long as you're in the same phase; waiting, pissing, washing hands, etc. During the act of pissing is discouraged, but acceptable as long as the one urinal distance is maintained. If next to each other, talking is not allowed.

Shitting:

1. Always take the furthest stall away from another shitter, with a minimum of one stall in between.

2. Talking is not allowed, ever.

3. If a stall is not available as outlined in #1, you wait.

4. If the guy next to you is finishing up and coming out the same time as you, wait. There's few things as awkward as that, "Hey man, nice shit we just took together" glance.

Misc.

1. Emergencies trump etiquette. If you have diarrhea and there's only one stall available, fuck 'em.

2. If you're too lazy to lift the toilet seat, at least wipe the piss off it. If you're too lazy to do that, you're an asshole.

--------------------------------------------------------------
13 4826 0948 82695 25847. Yes.

If you hear the person in a stall near you have a blow out that rattles the walls, is it ok to ask if they are ok in there? :)

The worst offenders are the little kids that have no sense of boundaries.
Like the kids who drop their pants to their ankles, and tuck their shirt under their chin, to piss in the urinal.
Or the kids who climb over/under stalls...
Or the little bastards that scream "OH IT STINKS IN HERE!" while you're shitting.
You never know what they are capable of! Supervise your damn kids!

Back when I worked in a government building, I would often go 2 or so floors away from the floor I worked on. That way I didn't know them, they didn't know me and there wasn't that guilt factor about leaving a toxic cloud behind for my co-workers to enjoy. Preferably, there is always one bathroom somewhere in the building that isn't used very much and 95% of the time your can do your business in peace. You just need to find that "private" bathroom.

__________________________________
That's not a ladybug, that's a cannapiller.

I'm big on courtesy flushes. There is nothing worse than walking into a bathroom that smells like a fucking swamp because some dude had an issue and kept the shit floating around until he was done. When you have explosive shit, flush often...for the love of God, flush often.

I have to agree with everything the OP wrote, as this happens to me quite a bit as well. And I will go ahead and add one more - people who INSIST on carrying on a cell phone conversation while on the toilet. I travel quite a bit, and without fail in some of the nicer airline clubs, there is always someone who is carrying on business while on the toilet. How grotesque is that? There cannot be any way that the person on the other end of the conversation can't hear all the flushes and other assorted bathroom sounds. Ugggh...



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/24/2009 09:25PM by Abe Frohman.

I get a sense of accomplishment from the shits that I take. I look down in the toilet after I am done and admire the masterpiece that was born from my own body. Each one has its own unique personality. If I have to flush in the middle of this sacred process, if I look down and just see shitty toilet paper and some stray particles, I feel cheated. Why should I ruin my whole day just because some asshole can't stand the fact that bathrooms smell bad!?

Nothing worse than a stinky bathroom?!
What about a humid bathroom?
What about fragrant "water" all over the floor or on the seat?

In my opinion there is nothing worse than having the water splash back up into your sphincter!

*How does it always find your butthole?
*Can't you get some sort of disease, like hepatitis, from this?
*Why the fuck has no one invented a way to keep this from happening!??

I try to lay a landing pad (toilet paper) over the water, but that's not even 100% foolproof.

WashingTone-Locian Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I'm big on courtesy flushes. There is nothing
> worse than walking into a bathroom that smells
> like a fucking swamp because some dude had an
> issue and kept the shit floating around until he
> was done. When you have explosive shit, flush
> often...for the love of God, flush often.

Warhawk Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Back when I worked in a government building, I
> would often go 2 or so floors away from the floor
> I worked on. That way I didn't know them, they
> didn't know me and there wasn't that guilt factor
> about leaving a toxic cloud behind for my
> co-workers to enjoy. Preferably, there is always
> one bathroom somewhere in the building that isn't
> used very much and 95% of the time your can do
> your business in peace. You just need to find that
> "private" bathroom.

I worked in the shoppoing bag building a few years ago. There was a bathroom that had like 4-5 stalls and urinals which was located in in the nearly un-used basement. I left more than few forget-me-nots in total privacy, then took the elevator back upstairs feeling proud, 5 pounds lighter, and guilt free.

On a related note, please see the thread entitled "best place to taks a shit in fairfax county". Maybe you will get some ideas of where to go for a pleasant disposing experiance.

Abe Frohman Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I have to agree with everything the OP wrote, as
> this happens to me quite a biut as well. And I
> will go ahead and add one more - people who INSIST
> on carrying on a cell phone conversation while on
> the toilet. I travel quite a bit, and without
> fail in some of the nicer airline clubs, there is
> always someone who is carrying on business while
> on the toilet. How grotesque is that? There
> cannot be any way that the person on the other end
> of the conversation can't heard all the flushes
> and other assorted bathroom sounds. Ugggh...

i am guilty of talking under the influence of pooping. but i normally make calls when on the shitter. i always tell the person "hey i was just thinking of you and decided to call" so when they ask me what im doing i tell them "taking a shit" but never would i do that with a business associate. that just gives them the wrong impression about yourself. if its your close friend i say go for it butt if your are trying to make a deal i say cut the shit.

This is going to be a classic thread. I can see it.

My office has a few lovely characters. Our senior parter is about 65 and still going strong. He is very much old school and still believes in the two martini/two glasses of wine lunch. I had the misfortune of being in the shitter once when he came back from one of his lunches (probably around 2:30) at the Prime Rib or the Oval Room. I swear he was doing a re-enactment of the landings on the Normany Beaches out of his ass. The smell was similar to Zyklon B.

There is also an unknown person on the floor who always uses stall #1 (1 out of 3) and seems to have a wiping issue. You can always see the skidmark from him wiping on the top of the toilet seat at least once a week.

I feel awfully bad for the illegals who get to clean that one....

The worst thing is when someone pisses in the toilet and gets it all over the front of the bowl. If you aren't careful, you can get that piss all over the back of your pants from when you sit down. I've gotten very careful about that over the years because it really pisses me off when it happens.

True. I don't like that. And I don't like seeing massive pubes on the lip of the urinals. I usually piss them off into the bowl.

The really long ones are truly foul...

Personally, if I enter the bathroom and one of the stalls is occupied, I just wash my hands and come back 15 minutes later. I really have no interest in sitting a few feet away from somebody taking a gomer. I've never understood who designs these bathrooms where toilets are separated by a mere partition. I need a little more privacy than that. Maybe it's just me.

you are not alone, i am sort of weird about people hearing me do my business. if i am pooping i will stay quite until they leave.

I will NOT shit in any bathroom which is occupied when I enter. Additionally, I will not shit in any Porta-potty or airline bathroom.

I guess I'm lucky-I'm very regular. I shit first thing in the morning and have rarely had to shit anywhere from the place I woke up.

i would say that is the exact opposite of regular. once a day is not healthy.

I. Rectum Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I will NOT shit in any bathroom which is occupied
> when I enter. Additionally, I will not shit in
> any Porta-potty or airline bathroom.
>
> I guess I'm lucky-I'm very regular. I shit first
> thing in the morning and have rarely had to shit
> anywhere from the place I woke up.


i LOVE shitting in the airport bathroom - especially the ones with the vacuum toilet. Either A) to feel the rush of air against my nuts when the vacuum activates or B) to watch my grogans be sucked in one piece into the abyss.

Its wonderful.

Anyone use a rest area bathroom in Maryland? I had to take a shit at one once. The bathroom stall door was a half door. Basically, everyone can see you take a shit. Why even bother putting a door in? Did the state really save that much money by not paying for a full door?

I'm guessing the idea there is not to save money, but to cut down on the gay sex.

Shit at the Devil Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Anyone use a rest area bathroom in Maryland? I had
> to take a shit at one once. The bathroom stall
> door was a half door. Basically, everyone can see
> you take a shit. Why even bother putting a door
> in? Did the state really save that much money by
> not paying for a full door?

You would know, huh?

This thread makes me want to shit. My pants.

WashingTone-Locian Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I'm big on courtesy flushes. There is nothing
> worse than walking into a bathroom that smells
> like a fucking swamp because some dude had an
> issue and kept the shit floating around until he
> was done. When you have explosive shit, flush
> often...for the love of God, flush often.


No doubt!

I will not shit at work.

It seems others do not feel this way. Let me also add that women are fucking nasty. How come there is there piss on the seat? I have seen feet vanish, heard urine flow, then feet reappear. So these nasty bitches squat on the seat, piss all over it, and leave their urine for the next sucker? Gross!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Being vague is almost as fun as that other thing.

Shitter Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I'm guessing the idea there is not to save money,
> but to cut down on the gay sex.
>
> Shit at the Devil Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > Anyone use a rest area bathroom in Maryland? I
> had
> > to take a shit at one once. The bathroom stall
> > door was a half door. Basically, everyone can
> see
> > you take a shit. Why even bother putting a door
> > in? Did the state really save that much money
> by
> > not paying for a full door?


I thought it was just so you could wave to people while you are taking care of business.
The Hard rock cafe in DC bathrooms are in the basement. They stalls are wood and the walls and door go floor to ceiling. Practicaly sound proof. What a nice place to take a dump.

Shitter Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I'm guessing the idea there is not to save money,
> but to cut down on the gay sex.
>
> Shit at the Devil Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > Anyone use a rest area bathroom in Maryland? I
> had
> > to take a shit at one once. The bathroom stall
> > door was a half door. Basically, everyone can
> see
> > you take a shit. Why even bother putting a door
> > in? Did the state really save that much money
> by
> > not paying for a full door?



So instead of gay sex, now pedophiles can check out my 8-year-old taking a shit? Sounds like a great plan.

>The bathroom stall door was a half door. Basically, everyone can see you take a shit.<

Real men don't need shut the door when they shit.

Take a drink of water, take a shit.

The girlie-men among us are too wimpish to do the latter in plain view.

What's the big fucking deal?

It's perfectly natural.


>I'm guessing the idea there is not to save money, but to cut down on the gay sex.<

Or drug use.

I knew the plumber at work. We had 20 restrooms, cafeteria, showers, fountains,
you name it. This guy was waaaaay out there. He kept a collection of tampons
that he'd fished out of the women's room clogged toilets. In some cases,
he knew who they had belonged to. Some of them were big shots. We got a new
maintenance manager who saw them (the tampons) tied to a shelf in his supply
room and made him get rid of them. He was broken hearted as it had taken him
25 years to collect all of them. He took them home in a box and later passed
them down to the guy who replaced him when he retired. His best story though
was about a 350 pound woman who got her ass stuck in a toilet seat and couldnt
get out. She had someone call security and four officers responded. They
called the plumber and between all of them, were able to pry her out. Who says
plumbing is a boring profession? (and they have manners too)

Hank Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> >The bathroom stall door was a half door.
> Basically, everyone can see you take a shit.<
>
> Real men don't need shut the door when they shit.
>
> Take a drink of water, take a shit.
>
> The girlie-men among us are too wimpish to do the
> latter in plain view.
>
> What's the big fucking deal?
>
> It's perfectly natural.
>
>

The ancient Greeks and Romans used to shit next to each other in the open, on the streets. Next thing you know they were wrestling each other naked, butt fucking and praising sex with boys. It's not as natural as you think.

In days of old
When knights were bold
and toilets were invented

They lay their load
beside the road
and ride away contented

hey dummy, dont poop in public! You are disgusting and you are acting like you are the injured party. Poop at home you disgusting asshole!

Man, what's with all you chicken-shits (haha) who are bothered by someone else taking a shit in the stall next to you? When it's my time, I stride boldly into a stall, settle in, and let 'er loose. If I happen to have some good gas built up too, I try to make it as loud and nasty sounding as possible.

There's nothing quite like announcing your shit-mastery to anyone fortunate enough to be in the bathroom as the same time!

When I have to use the facillities at the movies, I am absolutely facinated by the people who bring their popcorn in with them. Surprisingly, it is the usually the older people (50s +) who do that. They should know better.

office worker Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> ever watch american pie?
> sh*tbreak for the win
>
> im tired of walking into the bathroom and theres
> always someone taking a dump. is it just me or do
> i prefer to have a little privacy when losing some
> pounds



Lol, some people are better able to get past such inhibitions. You ever lived in a barracks? Some of them used to not even have walls/dividers between the toilets. You get used to it.

Radiophile Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> When I have to use the facillities at the movies,
> I am absolutely facinated by the people who bring
> their popcorn in with them. Surprisingly, it is
> the usually the older people (50s +) who do that.
> They should know better.


I've never done that, but I have brought my drink in (By the end of the movie, with those huge drinks, yeah, you get the idea). I typically just tuck the cup into a pocket, or have a friend outside hold it. Yeah, I always wash my hands too, which is more than I can say for some people.

I've been told by many, many people (usually women oddly enough, how could they know?) that my shit don't stink. So the courtesy flush rule does not apply to me.

I also have tremendously huge testicles, sometimes, they touch the top of the water. So I have to go all porn star occasionally and hold them out of the way. My nads are a blessing and a burden.

Yes, from reading the responses above, I emphatically agree that there should be NO TALKING in a public restroom while shitting. That reminds me of the co-worker a couple of years ago who wanted to discuss what I thought about a recent direct reports meeting while we were straining in unison. I'm glad he was laid-off.

Also, no stalls in the barracks? Then how could a soldier engage in an honorable discharge?

What is the etiquette on upper deckers in public places?

496 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> What is the etiquette on upper deckers in public
> places?


You need to do them later in the day so the cleaning crew will have an easier time when they come through in the evening. You want to be courteous, after all.

Upper deckers are plain nasty. They often mold and harden to the bowl very quickly rendering it virtually indestructable to the average piece of toilet paper. You almost need steel wool to defeat it.

On that note, I'm trying to comprehend the physics of how shit can shoot out one's ass parallel to the floor. WTF?

FYI - The bathrooms in the lobby of the Tyson Ritz-Carlton are the best restrooms I have ever been in.

A definite must see in public restroom adventures.

Reminds me of this clip from Jackass: The Movie. It's a shitty clip (no pun intended).



__________________________________
That's not a ladybug, that's a cannapiller.

man.. this has turned into a good thread

and no I havnt been in a barraks. I remember in full metal jacket what you are takling about . Just a buncha toilets in a row

I knew a girl one time, she got to the stall and as she was pulling her slacks down she let loose, painting the wall, the toilet seat, the inside of the bowl... etc. It was a true splatter fest. She was so embarrassed when she left - she had no way to clean everything up. We laughed about it later (I laughed so hard I was crying when she told me the story), but I have to say I don't envy the folks in the bathroom at the time, or anyone that went into the stall after she did.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 07/27/2009 01:42PM by Registered Voter.

The best splatters are after drinking Kool Aid or some other colored drink. Its like a shit mosaic.

office worker Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> man.. this has turned into a good thread
>
> and no I havnt been in a barraks. I remember in
> full metal jacket what you are takling about .
> Just a buncha toilets in a row


Something tells me that when you end up spending your time shitting in the rice patties, taking a shit on a bunch of toilets in a row isn't so bad.

Because of the no stall rule in the military, I have rendered myself unfit for doodie.

On this subject, I just dropped off the kids at the pool at my office.

§ <-------- Waits for the first person who asks, "You have a pool at your office?"

Registered Voter Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I knew a girl one time, she got to the stall and
> as she was pulling her slacks down she let loose,
> painting the wall, the toilet seat, the inside of
> the bowl... etc. It was a true splatter fest. She
> was so embarrassed when she left - she had no way
> to clean everything up. We laughed about it later
> (I laughed so hard I was crying when she told me
> the story), but I have to say I don't envy the
> folks in the bathroom at the time, or anyone that
> went into the stall after she did.


she speaks about this experience?

lies Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Registered Voter Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > I knew a girl one time, she got to the stall
> and
> > as she was pulling her slacks down she let
> loose,
> > painting the wall, the toilet seat, the inside
> of
> > the bowl... etc. It was a true splatter fest.
> She
> > was so embarrassed when she left - she had no
> way
> > to clean everything up. We laughed about it
> later
> > (I laughed so hard I was crying when she told
> me
> > the story), but I have to say I don't envy the
> > folks in the bathroom at the time, or anyone
> that
> > went into the stall after she did.
>
>
> she speaks about this experience?


She would have to be pretty fucking hot for me to put my schlong near that ass after that story.

Maybe that's why she splattered all over the place. She just got through having pillow biting anal sex.

I just made one that looked like a beached horseshoe crab.

There wasn't enough water in the bowl, so it perched itself right on the porcelain.

It should go on ratemypoop.com

sounds like this thread is going towards 2 girls and a cup

---------------------------------------------------
W.W.S.D. what would Scooby Doo

when i eat oreos
it comes out black is that just me

graymoose1 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> sounds like this thread is going towards 2 girls
> and a cup


As long as it isn't Tub Girl, it's okay.

graymoose1 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> sounds like this thread is going towards 2 girls
> and a cup

At a minimum there will most likely be fisting

Hmm...

I should go on the hunt for a bathroom in the office that isn't used as much. Didn't think of that.


Any ruling on using bathrooms on the executive level? Could turn it into an adventure or covert operation.

Why is it no mater how much you chew corn, It still comes out whole

---------------------------------------------------
W.W.S.D. what would Scooby Doo

corn is like a tracer round in a machine gun. it tells you how fast you are digesting your food. it cleans the duct work. consider it a gift from god

I just had what must have been an 8 flusher. Glad that shit's over.

WashingTone-Locian Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I just had what must have been an 8 flusher. Glad
> that shit's over.


quit bragging

bloody blisters Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> WashingTone-Locian Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > I just had what must have been an 8 flusher.
> Glad
> > that shit's over.
>
>
> quit bragging


I think I could do a Colonoscopy now. I can't imagine that there is anything left in there.

not even your intestines. what do they call that, a rectal prolapse or something

bloody blisters Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> not even your intestines. what do they call that,
> a rectal prolapse or something


Quite possibly.

;



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/01/2012 11:11AM by Alias.

Don't make babies in the stalls.

m



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/29/2012 08:26PM by Alias.

wtfno Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Hmm...
>
> I should go on the hunt for a bathroom in the
> office that isn't used as much. Didn't think of
> that.
>
>
> Any ruling on using bathrooms on the executive
> level? Could turn it into an adventure or covert
> operation.


Sorry I couldn't find a better version. All I could find were cam recordings:

Don't cash checks that your ass can't wipe.

This thread stinks!

It's so full of shit.

§ Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Because of the no stall rule in the military, I
> have rendered myself unfit for doodie.


Yah, try taking a dump on a older Spruance Class destroyer that will be at sea for 17 days without touching land. You lose your fear of farting next to the CO.

F That. Sounds like a murky bathroom full of rust and six-inches of water on floor, just because.

eesh Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> FYI - The bathrooms in the lobby of the Tyson
> Ritz-Carlton are the best restrooms I have ever
> been in.
>
> A definite must see in public restroom adventures.

I remember back in the 80s when I came of age. Public men's rooms were so scintillating for me but I couldn't figure out why. Then there was the first guy I caught also lingering and not flushing. Oh, the sights and smells we shared with one another that day. I never did see him again, and shortly I did meet Brown onion who introduced me to an entire coterie of crap companions.

Ye who write on shit stall walls,
Roll yon shit in little balls.
Ye who read yon words of wit,
Eat yon little balls of shit.