Re: Anthony Bourdain: Parts Unknown.
Posted by:
Wbt3Y
()
Date: October 06, 2014 01:24PM
Fairfax Underground, a strange, oftentimes dark place on the
underbelly of the Internet, a site with a reputation for seedy,
and downright nasty social commentary.
Life here is a montage of complaints about local politicians,
the downfall of middle-class suburbia at the hands of invaders
such as assorted mud people and northern Yankee transplant douchebags,
and the eternally annoying niggers from nearby Washington D.C. and Maryland.
If you've lost a friend to the tragedy of suicide, or even just
misplaced your kitten, you might be well advised to steer clear
of FFXU. Helpful commenters will explain how that loser deserved it,
or how tasty kittens can be!
Speaking of tasy pets, be sure to read all about Annandale,
a once lower-middle-class suburban enclave of federal bureaucrats,
location of the historic Little River -- and yes there was really a wooden pike,
somewhere near the drugstore and chain steak buffet place, before it
naturally turned into a Korean restaurant. Yes, today, Annandale is known
worldwide as Little Korea, and driving down the main streets with its
exclusively Hangul cacaphony of cheap neon, reminds me of my travels
and episodes in Asia. We won't talk about the missing dogs, although
posters on FFXU assure me they're quite tasty! Take a drive past the
abandoned Safeway and the Civil War Church, the last vestige of
classic Annandale, down the streets looking at the deteriorating
mid-century ramblers, either crammed illegal boarding houses for
illegal aliens from Central America with eight vehicles,
or fully denuded Korean lawns. Emerge back into the world of
all-night karaoke and bulgokki, and let your mind take you
back a couple decades. On FFXU you can hear old tales and even see
pictures about the favorite former dive bars where grillbilles, bikers,
and young people watered themselves. Don't forget about that central landmark,
Three Chefs restaurant, surviving for many decades, eventually a Fuddruckers,
and now, perhaps most befittingly with the decay of all American suburbia into
convenience strips, a Wallgreens pharmacy. It's directly across the street
from another historical property, long ago turned CVS.
When you're on Fairfax Underground, don't forget to do a little urban
- or rather - suburban, exploration. One favorite place to check out
is The Crypts. Located in the woods by the grounds of historical
Pohick Church, this partially bulldozed-over grave and monument
has been the hangout of amateur spelunkers, Pagan motorcyle gang members,
college studends, high school drinkers, and general trespassers since the
late 60s and 1970s. Come to FFXU to learn the strange, weird tale of one
Charles Remy, who by the way isn't actually buried there.
FFXU will teach you all about burying things, especially illegal immigrant
workers who came, toiled, mowed, dug, and landscaped, and were finally
murdered and hidden under the literal ground by a local contractor who
just figured - Eh, brown people -- don't bother paying, they're disposable.
My local guide assures me that nobody has ever really vanished from FFXU.
And, oh, look - a sockpuppet!
These puppets are more insidious, more tenacious,
and frankly less delicious than most of the puppets I've tried!
They come back month after month, and year after year,
cycling through new names and aliases, arguing with each other,
and sometimes even arguing with themselves. Locals know all
about them and try not to engage. We saw one on a streetcorner,
but decided to dive into one of the porno pic threads instead.
Good decision!