Would you stay with a person that can't do anything for you but loves you to death?

This is the problem I am facing.

It isn't their fault they are out of work (he is over 45)- but he is "too proud" to take a job at say, a big box store and is holding out for a salaried position.

We are not married.

I have been helping him with the bills for the past 6 months- I just paid his mortgage since his 401k is tied up at the moment and he can't cash out anything since he had a prior loan (this is the truth, I also tried calling Vanguard on his behalf).

He had little savings (divorcee, the ex wife wiped him out).

I have never been married, and am under 40.

Should I wait for things to improve or move on?

I am not being greedy- I was just raised that a man should be able to at least go 50/50 with me and to be frank I have been carrying him and me these past 6 months. Paying 2 mortgages/car notes is rough on one salary. I offered for him to move in with me but he refused.

He has a pride issue and does not want to give up his house either, the ex wife got the other family house in stafford. So this is all he has left in this world is his cheap but simple house here in Fairfax-it was a rental but he moved back in at the divorce 3 years ago.

He treats me like a queen, cooks for me, rubs my back, helps with projects around my house (just fixed the dishwasher for me yesterday).

Problem is, he literally has NOTHING and can't even loan me $20 if i needed it today- he is borrowing cash from me every payday just for groceries (and he does buy groceries with it, rarely drinks, no drug problems).

What say you, FFU? Wait it out? Move on? I just don't want to waste any more of my youth- I already wasted it on losers and I'm afraid it might happen again. :(

How's the sex?

lost soul Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Would you stay with a person that can't do
> anything for you but loves you to death?
>
> This is the problem I am facing.
>
> It isn't their fault they are out of work (he is
> over 45)- but he is "too proud" to take a job at
> say, a big box store and is holding out for a
> salaried position.
>
> We are not married.
>
> I have been helping him with the bills for the
> past 6 months- I just paid his mortgage since his
> 401k is tied up at the moment and he can't cash
> out anything since he had a prior loan (this is
> the truth, I also tried calling Vanguard on his
> behalf).
>
> He had little savings (divorcee, the ex wife wiped
> him out).
>
> I have never been married, and am under 40.
>
> Should I wait for things to improve or move on?
>
> I am not being greedy- I was just raised that a
> man should be able to at least go 50/50 with me
> and to be frank I have been carrying him and me
> these past 6 months. Paying 2 mortgages/car notes
> is rough on one salary. I offered for him to move
> in with me but he refused.
>
> He has a pride issue and does not want to give up
> his house either, the ex wife got the other family
> house in stafford. So this is all he has left in
> this world is his cheap but simple house here in
> Fairfax-it was a rental but he moved back in at
> the divorce 3 years ago.
>
> He treats me like a queen, cooks for me, rubs my
> back, helps with projects around my house (just
> fixed the dishwasher for me yesterday).
>
> Problem is, he literally has NOTHING and can't
> even loan me $20 if i needed it today- he is
> borrowing cash from me every payday just for
> groceries (and he does buy groceries with it,
> rarely drinks, no drug problems).
>
> What say you, FFU? Wait it out? Move on? I just
> don't want to waste any more of my youth- I
> already wasted it on losers and I'm afraid it
> might happen again. :(


Male perspective here: It may not be his fault that he lost his job, but it is his fault that he's out of work. 6 months without a job? That's ridiculous. There are plenty of jobs in the area. If he loved you, he would prove that he's a man and he would take whatever job he could get in order to contribute. I say move on.

Are you a fat girl? Slender women wouldn't have asked this question. They would have left him a long time ago.

Ralph Pootawn Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> How's the sex?


He taught me things I didn't know I could do :)

chunky Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Are you a fat girl? Slender women wouldn't have
> asked this question. They would have left him a
> long time ago.


I am 5' 6 140 I stay in the gym.

I am an "old school" woman in that I stay in a relationship unless given a good reason to leave- I don't just run at the first sign of adversity, which is why I am asking for outside opinions.

I have only had 4 boyfriends since 18. They all left me for other women. It was their choice not mine.

I cook, clean, and believe in having sex DAILY.

lost soul Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Ralph Pootawn Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > How's the sex?
>
>
> He taught me things I didn't know I could do :)


If you're happy with it then stay, but make sure not to support him or give him any money.

lost soul Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> chunky Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > Are you a fat girl? Slender women wouldn't have
> > asked this question. They would have left him a
> > long time ago.
>
>
> I am 5' 6 140 I stay in the gym.
>
> I am an "old school" woman in that I stay in a
> relationship unless given a good reason to leave-
> I don't just run at the first sign of adversity,
> which is why I am asking for outside opinions.
>
> I have only had 4 boyfriends since 18. They all
> left me for other women. It was their choice not
> mine.
>
> I cook, clean, and believe in having sex DAILY.


My email is daniel22206 at yaho (43 yr old swm, 6'2", athletic, very well employed)

;)

Ralph Pootawn Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> lost soul Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > Ralph Pootawn Wrote:
> >
> --------------------------------------------------
>
> > -----
> > > How's the sex?
> >
> >
> > He taught me things I didn't know I could do :)
>
>
> If you're happy with it then stay, but make sure
> not to support him or give him any money.

Ok, I can see that- but why not help him? Or am I being a pushover- I thought you helped your mate in hard times????

perspective 45 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
>
>
> Male perspective here: It may not be his fault
> that he lost his job, but it is his fault that
> he's out of work. 6 months without a job? That's
> ridiculous. There are plenty of jobs in the area.
> If he loved you, he would prove that he's a man
> and he would take whatever job he could get in
> order to contribute. I say move on.


True, he could easily find work, I even sent him temp agencies to try out but he "doesn't want a job that could end next week".

I think he may be depressed- I am only trying to help?

lost soul Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------

> Ok, I can see that- but why not help him? Or am I
> being a pushover- I thought you helped your mate
> in hard times????


Difference between hard times and refusing to get a job when there are plenty of jobs available.

lost soul Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------

> True, he could easily find work, I even sent him
> temp agencies to try out but he "doesn't want a
> job that could end next week".
>
> I think he may be depressed- I am only trying to
> help?

If he were depressed, he wouldn't be Mr Wondercock in the bedroom

sexmachine Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------

> If he were depressed, he wouldn't be Mr Wondercock
> in the bedroom

VERY true. When I had a mild case of depression, I wasn't interested in sex and, even when my gf wanted to play, I had a difficult time keeping my junk hard.

jfweryu4t57 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------

> VERY true. When I had a mild case of depression, I
> wasn't interested in sex and, even when my gf
> wanted to play, I had a difficult time keeping my
> junk hard.

Female perspective here- Lost Soul, you are being taken advantage of. I agree with these guys. If your man were depressed, the sex would be terrible. I think you found a con artist.

femme_fatale_nova Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> jfweryu4t57 Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
>
> > VERY true. When I had a mild case of depression,
> I
> > wasn't interested in sex and, even when my gf
> > wanted to play, I had a difficult time keeping
> my
> > junk hard.
>
> Female perspective here- Lost Soul, you are being
> taken advantage of. I agree with these guys. If
> your man were depressed, the sex would be
> terrible. I think you found a con artist.


+1

If I was leaching off my gf for 6 months I would be too ashamed to fuck her.

Move on.

Fuckin grow up, you are asking a bunch of racists, degenerates, and assholes. How about you talk to family, friends, or real people instead you dumb cunt.

The person you describe is a loser that should be flushed from your life like a nasty, festering, two-week old turd in a backed-up toilet that is stinking up the entire house.

If you are capable of intelligent conversation, can blow people away with knowledgeable insight, demonstrate true wit, bust balls with the best of them, talk smack, hit back, gross people out, improvise, roll a doobie, chug beer, do shots, play golf/tennis, throw a football/frisbee/baseball, bend minds, turn people into emotional puddy, tell dirty jokes, fart or burp loudly, and are into long cool screwing in the outdoors- there are a million men that would be willing to bankroll 100% of everything you could ever possibly want or could ever possibly need.

I'm physically fit.
I'm tall, dark, handsome, and strong.
I'm a trained killer, an avid hunter, fisherman, and outdoorsman.
I'm mentally sound, emotionally stable, non-balding, and religiously-tolerant.
I'm a self-made multi-millionaire gushing with sincere, heartfelt kindness.
I love puppies, kittens, and retarded children.
I change diapers.
I am a good babysitter and kids love me.
I'm politically Independent.
I care about my integrity and credibility.
I'm kind and sincere.
I open doors for women, say Sir or Ma'am to everyone.
I donate my personal time and money to charities.
I write poetry and am into art.
I sing and dance.

There are millions of men like me that would die to smell your hair or whisper sweet nothings into your ear.

Why are you wasting time with a turd?

Business Guy:
Attachments:

Business Guy Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> The person you describe is a loser that should be
> flushed from your life like a nasty, festering,
> two-week old turd in a backed-up toilet that is
> stinking up the entire house.
>
> If you are capable of intelligent conversation,
> can blow people away with knowledgeable insight,
> demonstrate true wit, bust balls with the best of
> them, talk smack, hit back, gross people out,
> improvise, roll a doobie, chug beer, do shots,
> play golf/tennis, throw a
> football/frisbee/baseball, bend minds, turn people
> into emotional puddy, tell dirty jokes, fart or
> burp loudly, and are into long cool screwing in
> the outdoors- there are a million men that would
> be willing to bankroll 100% of everything you
> could ever possibly want or could ever possibly
> need.
>
> I'm physically fit.
> I'm tall, dark, handsome, and strong.
> I'm a trained killer, an avid hunter, fisherman,
> and outdoorsman.
> I'm mentally sound, emotionally stable,
> non-balding, and religiously-tolerant.
> I'm a self-made multi-millionaire gushing with
> sincere, heartfelt kindness.
> I love puppies, kittens, and retarded children.
> I change diapers.
> I am a good babysitter and kids love me.
> I'm politically Independent.
> I care about my integrity and credibility.
> I'm kind and sincere.
> I open doors for women, say Sir or Ma'am to
> everyone.
> I donate my personal time and money to charities.
> I write poetry and am into art.
> I sing and dance.
>
> There are millions of men like me that would die
> to smell your hair or whisper sweet nothings into
> your ear.
>
> Why are you wasting time with a turd?


lol, this is Meade right? Notice he didn't say how he was physically fit, betcha, this guy weighs 300+. Smell your hair? Fuck man, you need to get laid.

Call Master Dick some time, he's got what you need.

But avoid his little cubano cabana boy at all costs.

What is this? Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------

> Fuckin grow up, you are asking a bunch of racists,
> degenerates, and assholes. How about you talk to
> family, friends, or real people instead you dumb
> cunt.

Deflect much? Don't be dumb. I've seen some reasonable responses on here.

Does he have plans to pay you back? Please dont tell me youre just doing this out of the goodness of your heart...

Six months is a long time without a job. I woukd talk to him and tell him EXACTLY how you feel. Dont worry about hurting his pride or feelings. Give him an ultimatum. If he really cares about you he'll get his act together. If he gets all pissy about it then he was probably going to leave you when he gets money coming in again and is just using you.

Lost Soul, don't listen to the assholes. You got some good advice from a few of the males and females here. In a nutshell, he's duping you. You can do a lot better.

It's funny how women always say how independent they are and how they are seeking a strong man. But when they start dating a good looking guy, all their bullshit comes to the surface. I see women put up with never-ending shit when they find a guy they are attracted to. I see it all the time. Good looking guy cheats. Good looking guy is emotionally and physically abusive. Why don't you leave him? Their answer is "because I love him".

I think lost soul is full of shit. You are weak like every other woman out there. If you stay with him, you deserve to be taken advantage of.

That is the best advice you'll get from this thread.

> I love puppies, kittens, and

retarded children.

LOL

Lost soul, it boils down to three choices:

1) Kick his ass to the curb and never look back.
2) Continue as is for the rest of your life.

Neither of which I sense you wish to choose, so...

3) Stop enabling him and set some deadlines for him. If you're still willing, insist he move in within a month and rent his place out. That way he's got some income from the rental at least. Then, part time job (ANY job) within another 30 days. While this is going on, have him sign a note for any and all future funds you give him (if/when you go to court, it will help your case immensely).

If he fails at any of the above, then it's over. Unless you then pick #2. Or you suddenly become independently wealthy and money is no longer a concern of yours.

Love is great, but it doesn't pay the bills or put food on the table. Let us know how it all works out.

Thank you all for your wonderful advice.

I have seen the light, he is just another loser.

I called him and asked what his intentions on paying me back and he hemmed and hawed. I asked him about a part time job and he hemmed and hawed. I asked if he would move in with me and he hemmed and hawed. I wasn't even talking marriage- just move in with me to help HIM save money, you know? And he didn't even want THAT!!!!

This gravy train has pulled into the station, and it is now minus one (him).

THANK YOU ALL ONCE AGAIN.

Sometimes you just need an outside perspective, you know?

I have always been a "Florence nightingale" type- try to save everyone- I cannot. HE has to save HIMSELF.

This also happened with an ex- as soon as he got his degree (with my financial backing), he left me for a YOUNG WAITRESS (not knocking her job choice, its the principal).


I should have seen it coming. I am a dumb ass sucker.

Off to therapy I go. Thank you all.

Best of luck, you will find someone!

lost soul Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Thank you all for your wonderful advice.
>
> I have seen the light, he is just another loser.
>
> I called him and asked what his intentions on
> paying me back and he hemmed and hawed. I asked
> him about a part time job and he hemmed and hawed.
> I asked if he would move in with me and he hemmed
> and hawed. I wasn't even talking marriage- just
> move in with me to help HIM save money, you know?
> And he didn't even want THAT!!!!
>
> This gravy train has pulled into the station, and
> it is now minus one (him).
>
> THANK YOU ALL ONCE AGAIN.
>
> Sometimes you just need an outside perspective,
> you know?
>
> I have always been a "Florence nightingale" type-
> try to save everyone- I cannot. HE has to save
> HIMSELF.
>
> This also happened with an ex- as soon as he got
> his degree (with my financial backing), he left me
> for a YOUNG WAITRESS (not knocking her job choice,
> its the principal).
>
>
> I should have seen it coming. I am a dumb ass
> sucker.
>
> Off to therapy I go. Thank you all.

Being a "Florence Nightengale"-type is an admirable quality, and I'm sure someday soon you'll meet someone who will truly appreciate it (as opposed to take advantage of it). And don't beat yourself up too much over this. Everyone makes mistakes in life; it's how we learn.

Be well, and when you find your soul mate let us know. ;)

Why would someone who is in love with you not want to move in or get married.

lost soul Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Thank you all for your wonderful advice.
>
> I have seen the light, he is just another loser.
>
> I called him and asked what his intentions on
> paying me back and he hemmed and hawed. I asked
> him about a part time job and he hemmed and hawed.
> I asked if he would move in with me and he hemmed
> and hawed. I wasn't even talking marriage- just
> move in with me to help HIM save money, you know?
> And he didn't even want THAT!!!!
>
> This gravy train has pulled into the station, and
> it is now minus one (him).
>
> THANK YOU ALL ONCE AGAIN.
>
> Sometimes you just need an outside perspective,
> you know?
>
> I have always been a "Florence nightingale" type-
> try to save everyone- I cannot. HE has to save
> HIMSELF.
>
> This also happened with an ex- as soon as he got
> his degree (with my financial backing), he left me
> for a YOUNG WAITRESS (not knocking her job choice,
> its the principal).
>
>
> I should have seen it coming. I am a dumb ass
> sucker.
>
> Off to therapy I go. Thank you all.

So you cut things off? Or you plan to?

Lost Soul,

You should end the relationship immediately. You lack compassion and seem to only be in relationships for what men can do for you instead of what you can do for each other. You know his ex-wife wiped him out and yet you refuse to be understanding that he is without substantial cash reserves. You know the economy isn't the greatest and yet you refuse to be understanding that he has gone A WHOLE six months without finding something that isn't beneath his station. You seem to believe in the concept of "real men" but you don't live up to the standard of a "real woman". I suspect this is why you've never been married. Check yourself.

If you don't want to end the relationship, be a real woman. Get off of the internet and get in there to encourage your man to do what's best for you, himself, and your relationship. You do this with positivity, occasionally nudging and/or making plans yourself. If the situation was reversed, you would expect him to do these things for you. "Do unto others" and all that.

Signed,
Dr. Black Phillip

Ultimatum time. Tell him he needs to suck it up and get a job. Something, anything! More delicately than that, of course. Yeah, perhaps he won't find something he'd be proud to do, or enjoy, but at least he could make the effort. Make it clear that it is important to you, but that the income is less important than knowing he cares enough to try and help.

If he can't handle that, tough fucking tits.

Am I the only one here who thinks the OP is a troll?

Really? Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Am I the only one here who thinks the OP is a
> troll?


It has created a good thread, with good replies. If it is a troll, oh well. We can help future GOOGLEr's since FFXU has l33t SEO

lost soul Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------

> What say you, FFU? Wait it out? Move on? I just
> don't want to waste any more of my youth- I
> already wasted it on losers and I'm afraid it
> might happen again. :(


Honey, you a fool, with a capital F.

Dump that man faster than you'd dump a bag of dog shit. If the loser starts stalkin you, get a big dog and a gun.

And quit playing the nurse role, unless you're gettin paid for it.

That shit doesn't fly with Sally.

I forgot about that Alias name, Sally. This persona used to bother themuse, you remember her Alias? One of the rare females that posted here. Now, it's just you.

Blessed are the murderous.

I don't bother people LOL, that isn't my game plan, or even slightly close to my personality, ask anyone, if you need confirmation.

When I traveled here in 2010 and needed a man, I found HarryTuttle. He showed me around and OMG stuff happened, private stuff.

It was fun, with a capital F, but dating a fairfaxedunderground.com poster was like having a giant spotlight on your private parts, lol.


Edit: Remember how bent out his boxers eesh got about the whole thing?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/08/2014 05:15AM by Sally.

Stop the bimbo act, Alias.

Stop calling people names.

You're just jealous.

The guy is a loser. I was out of work for 11 months and I promised her day one that her lifestyle wouldn't change one bit and I kept that promise. I paid All the bills I paid while fully employed, including the mortgage. That promise included a new German luxury car for her while unemployed. Extreme? Yes, but that's what real men do.

Chcjjvk Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> The guy is a loser. I was out of work for 11
> months and I promised her day one that her
> lifestyle wouldn't change one bit and I kept that
> promise. I paid All the bills I paid while fully
> employed, including the mortgage. That promise
> included a new German luxury car for her while
> unemployed. Extreme? Yes, but that's what real
> men do.

What's your name, honey?

Can I smell your hair or whisper sweet nothings into your ear as I think fondly upon puppies, kittens, and retarded children?

Sally Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> lost soul Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
>
> > What say you, FFU? Wait it out? Move on? I just
> > don't want to waste any more of my youth- I
> > already wasted it on losers and I'm afraid it
> > might happen again. :(
>
>
> Honey, you a fool, with a capital F.
>
> Dump that man faster than you'd dump a bag of dog
> shit. If the loser starts stalkin you, get a big
> dog and a gun.
>
> And quit playing the nurse role, unless you're
> gettin paid for it.
>
> That shit doesn't fly with Sally.


I hear you Sally. Thank you!

And no, I am not a troll, but I am a naieve broad who has learned her lesson. Oh boy I learned my lesson. I'm tallying up what I spent so far and I could have went on a nice cruise....

You guys have been trolled. Really trolled. This is one of the better examples of trollage I have seen lately.

Yeah, but I'm open to finding out. "She" never did email me. ;)

lost soul Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------

> I hear you Sally. Thank you!

You're welcome!

> And no, I am not a troll, but I am a naieve broad
> who has learned her lesson. Oh boy I learned my
> lesson. I'm tallying up what I spent so far and I
> could have went on a nice cruise....


A cruise?

Day 1: You get on the boat and have a rum drink. You're doin the limbo and dancing around in your little bikini.

Day 2: You're vomiting all over the place.

Don't you watch TV or did you hand that over to the bum, too?