Dear Gunny, and all others who are seriously considering suicide,
First, I want to apologize for all of the stupid people who have been actually suggesting methods for you to kill yourself, without offering any love or compassion to you. True active suicidal ideation is the lowest spot of pain that exists in human existence. I am so sorry that you are in such a place of pain and hopelessness.
I know that you really don't want to die- you really want to be happy, to be loved, to know how to smile and to have fun, to be loved by someone in a relationship, to have friends, and to feel comfortable in your own skin.
I am so sorry that you have been deceived into believing that you are no good, and that there is no hope. You have a spiritual enemy, an opponent to your soul and your well-being, and he desires nothing for you other than sheer misery and unhappiness.
First, please call 1 (800) 273-8255 at the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, even if you have already given it a chance before. There are many people there who know exactly how you feel, and oftentimes doing that kind of work is what keeps them from entering that dark place themselves. If you don't feel a connection with the person that you are talking with, ask to be transferred to someone else (a male or female or whatever it is that will bring you comfort).
Second, you may email me anytime and I will email you everyday and encourage you to bring you hope and a friendship because I too have struggled with feeling like I don't belong here and that things will never change. My email address is email@example.com
. Just the fact that you are sincerely suicidal places you at the top of my friendships list- It makes you valuable and worthwhile to me. This life if tough, no doubt, and some of us don't get dealt a fair hand compared to others. There are a million things that can go wrong that can cause us to want to not be here anymore. Please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Please email me anytime that you like and I will be your genuine friend and supporter. I live in La Mirada, CA and I would love to hang out with you if you are ever in the area. People like us need each other, and the more that we unite and encourage one another, the more that we find out that it's really everyone else that's mentally ill. How could you not be saddened by the world and the shape that it's in? How could you be so calloused and insensitive as to not let these things depress and affect you? Whoever you are, know that you are worth it, and that you are special in the eyes of the One who made you. Whether you believe it or not, you are being attacked and lied to by the enemy of your soul. There are endless options for you to find the hope that you had before these thoughts entered your mind. Together, people like us can find the strength and the courage to carry on. Again, I am so sorry for whoever has hurt you, rejected you, ignored you, bullied you, made fun of you, or harmed you in your life. You are special in the eyes of Him who made you- more special than you will ever know. I look forward to getting to know you.
Travis J. Kenny