As an employee of Fairax county, I have noted with heightened awareness FCPS anti bulling campaign. This message is made clear, bullying will not be tolerated. Students know this behavior has consequences. They have been told what to do,if they witness, become a target of or victim of bulling by another student.

Who are targets?
Targets are ethical and honest. Some targets are whistleblowers who expose the unacceptable practices or behaviors.
Targets are non-confrontive. They do not respond to aggression with aggression. The price paid for apparent submissiveness is that the bully can act with impunity (as long as the administration also does nothing).

What is the established protocol per FCPS or VHSL when the target(s) are student(s)being bullied by a Teacher or Coaches within FCPS high school sports?

Teachers, coaches and their staff are bullying through verbal assaults, physical (a shove or push) verbal intimidation,harassment, and humiliation,of students under the guise of coaching.

I have personally witnessed this behavior. The most disturbing, personnel narratives by students, of instances during practices and in the classroom, that have been directed at a specific player, not them selves. There are the times a parent approaches another parent inquiring how their child is doing, because of the bulling. The parent is unaware what has happened, the intimidation has worked. Silence

"In the act of bullying, the bully makes a public statement to the effect of:
'See me and fear me, I am so powerful that I have the ability to inflict pain
upon the intended target at the time and manner of my choice without having to
pay any consequences.' Should an intended target exhibit a 'defeated attitude' in
response to chronic bullying, then the bullying is likely to continue "


"Bullying by a teacher/Coach
defined as a pattern of conduct, rooted in a power differential, that threatens, harms, humiliates, induces fear, or causes a student substantial emotional distress. Abuse of power that tends to be chronic and often expressed in public, a form of humiliation that generates attention while degrading the student in front of others, students capabilities are debased and identity is ridiculed. In nearly every case of teacher bullying it is a singular target that is bullied repeatedly. Equally significant is that the teacher usually receives
no retribution or other negative consequences. "

I am guilty. I am a bystander, maintaining silence, at the request of others. Students are afraid of retaliation in the classroom and on the field.
When or if parents do complain, the complaints are deflected, suggesting there are other motives for the complaint. ie : playing time. The coaches have their own policy. The parent then again worries, their child will be victimized further by teacher or coach as a result of inquires into any perceived negative behaviors by the staff.


The code of silence by co-workers and administrators is troubling.
When administrations stand silent and do nothing,they are confirming the teacher/coach has a right to use their professional authority in this manner. They are endorsing and legitimizing this unacceptable behavior.


Where is the boundary in high school? At what point does the teacher/ Coach
become by definition, a bully?
How do we bring this abuse to the attention of all involved in FCPS high school sports?

Yeah, I've seen some real bullying from a few crummy teachers at the lower elementary school levels before, and it really is bad. However, when it comes to the older kids in middle and high school I wish the teachers were given more leeway in how they handle kids. The same goes for football coaches too if you want to discuss that angle, because I believe the PC society of today has severely restricted what they can do to toughen players up.

==================================================================================================
"And if any women or children get their legs torn off, or faces caved in, well, it's tough shit for them." -2LT. Bert Stiles, 505th, 339th (On Berlin Bombardier Mission, 1944).

Bullying is a serious issue that needs to be dealt with where it occurs. It is an unacceptable behavior that cannot be allowed to permeate any environment, much less a school environment.

However, there is another culture that is building within FCPS and other school systems of using code words or trigger words to get what one (usually a parent or a student) wants from an authority figure (usually an administrator, teacher, or coach).

There is a very thick line between "constructive criticism" and "bullying", and there are a number of kids who have grown up and been raised so soft and protected that they mistake the former for the latter.

Numerous are the stories of kids who are criticized (sometimes in harsh tones, yes, as occasionally that is what's necessary to get the message across) and cry foul because they're simply not used to being dealt with in a tough manner. And when the parent uses the word "bullying" when talking to an administrator, frequently they do so to get the needlessly alarmist response that they desire.

Admins tell me that in about 80-85% of cases where the word "bullying" is used, under investigation and protection of witness identity, the "victim" gets no corroboration from any witnesses. This "boy who cried wolf" syndrome results in some cases of legitimate bullying not being taken as seriously as they should.

Parents would be well-advised to limit their inquiries to situations that warrant intervention. There's a finer line between "emotional damage" and "temporary emotional scars" that result in the toughness one needs to survive in the real world.

Crying Wolf- I sincerely hope you have not reproduced nor do you plan to, what a crappy unfounded and stupid philosophy. Sounds like you were bullied at school.

Valid points, all of which I find to be true. I know parents of athletes very well.

I am a former athlete ,being critiqued harshly at times,is part of the game. My coaching experience at the high school varsity level, travel teams and involvement with professional athletes, they still play or coach, is perhaps the reason I am questioning my opinion. From what i have seen and heard, the habitual behavior and conduct crosses "the very thick line"

The "boy that crystal wolf" is very real. Unfortunately, it has silenced many of the targets and true victims, because there is no corroboration, again silent bystanders.

Fairfax Employee - are you another McQueery who witnessed a Sandusky like incident and are not coming out with something that happened that you should have? What is your motive with all this stuff? What sport do you/did you coach or where do you teach. You act like you want to save these poor helpless kids, but you're here hiding behind a computer screen basically saying you know of coaches and teachers bullying kids but are doing nothing about it - openly admitting the fact. What makes you think coming to a website like this and blogging about it makes it right or better. If you have such a problem, go to the proper authorities and stop wasting your time on this website. You must have been a part of something pretty awful if this is how you choose to handle whatever you witnessed or were a part of instead of doing the right thing for once in your life. You're pathetic.

Lets all play Warm and Fuzzy Football. In this game the coach gets down
on his knees and begs the players to try harder and if they don't he'll
start crying. Okay Mom's and Dads, you cry too and when Little Boo Boo's
game is over it's no problem because they don't keep score anymore and
everybody gets the same trophy. After the game we'll all get together
for some Warm and Fuzzy veggie burgers at the Helicopter Parents Meeting
Hall.

Who is this guy and Mommies Little Baby...

Cry wolf responded with a very substantive reply.

Perhaps reading the post again would be helpful and allow for more substantive
responses.

Crying Wolf,
Tell us more about yourself. I bet your daddy beat you and you really think it built your character. Lemme guess, you rose above your red neck abusive home life and now preach that dysfunction as "The Way" to raise a child. All children need this toughness because look what it did for you. Your belief that your tough guy approach is what a child needs speaks volumes about you, your most likely crappy upbringing, and your lack of intelligence. The teachers I've seen who pick on children, and yes it happens, are often jealous that the child has more than they did. I see a lot of resentment from teachers as their salaries decline. You think you have the answers and you are clearly a big dummy. No actually you're probably pretty small.

The first thing I noticed when I started coaching was how parents really baby their kids. I'd like to take this moment to say "SHUT THE FUCK UP"

If you know or think there's a problem SPEAK UP. Don't sit around crying and hoping someone else will come along to fix it for you.

You're Welcome.

The first thing that I noticed about people who decide to coach is how insecure they are as individuals, there are some great coaches, but by and large, they are not good role models because they suck as human beings, and as for as TomLandry goes, you are probably the best example. A good coach motivates by serving as an example and should not only be able to illustrate and participate but not need to assert their "pair" by ordering people around because they have no real power in the real world and want to bully kids.

This is happening right now to my child in high school.

Across the county, the ADs are in alliance with the coaches, and the principals with the ADs. So when parents speak up -- and when students bravely advocate for themselves -- the wagons are circled. It becomes "he said" "she said," abusive emails and threats of punihsment are considered "what everyone does" and are not bullying, coaches claim "they did it this way in college, so it's ok to be (abusive) to 'my' kids," and "they're a bunch of crybabies if they can't take it." Our coach actually told a student that he was glad so many quit, didn't try out, or are ready to quit because of him. That way, he stated, he gets "the winning team I want."

Parents and kids slink into their corners. The circle is closed and any parent with a concern stays mum. It's incidious. ...

The entire coach hiring process is utterly broken, too. Parents are not considered part of the hiring process, their input is not asked for, and they are left out totally, except in progressive schools or with enlightened ADs.

So where are the protections for children by these abusive coaches? What strategies work for parents/kids to confront them? Do we need lawyers?

Anyone know if Fairness in School Sports is still active?

Problem is: Many coaches have just one style of training/coaching--intimidation. (Or bullying, if you prefer.) And that works for some kids. It doesn't work for others. They're willing to sacrifice the good prospects who respond to encouragement (along with criticism) in order to end up with a team that doesn't mind being bullied or harassed. And they rationalize it, as accurately described by TruthBeTold, as "That's the way we did it in college" or "I only want the tough ones on my team."

Coaches also can have preconceptions/biases about the "good players" and the ones who aren't their favorites. In 1-on-1 sports, they'll put their pets up against easy opponents and put their non-pets up against tougher competitions. And heaven forbid if your kid (as good as he might be) is up for the same position as one of the kids the coach surriptitiously recruited from another school. What I saw first-hand was a coach who was able to build up a team to be among the top 5 in the state. But he had the material to be coaching the Number 1 team. Easily.

Are you a real fairfax county employee?

Truth be told: you are exactly right in describing the process and it is not an accident that it works that way. Right from the Gatehouse they go to workshops (administration, the "cohort"), on how to put this in place so that parents do slink into their corner and give up. The first thing they do is blame it on the kid, if that doesnt work they blame it on the parent(s), God forbid the kid comes from divorce then its a done deal...at this point parents usually give up (also punishment, retaliation, threats...) it is toxic and runs throughout the whole FCPS system, not limited to athletics. I think it needs to change with a whole culture change. The culture is diseased-but parents allow this and unlike other places where they don't back down, FxCty parents allow bad education and intimidation to take place.

Juniper Rat Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Problem is: Many coaches have just one style of
> training/coaching--intimidation. (Or bullying, if
> you prefer.) And that works for some kids. It
> doesn't work for others. They're willing to
> sacrifice the good prospects who respond to
> encouragement (along with criticism) in order to
> end up with a team that doesn't mind being bullied
> or harassed. And they rationalize it, as
> accurately described by TruthBeTold, as "That's
> the way we did it in college" or "I only want the
> tough ones on my team."
>
> Coaches also can have preconceptions/biases about
> the "good players" and the ones who aren't their
> favorites. In 1-on-1 sports, they'll put their
> pets up against easy opponents and put their
> non-pets up against tougher competitions. And
> heaven forbid if your kid (as good as he might be)
> is up for the same position as one of the kids the
> coach surriptitiously recruited from another
> school. What I saw first-hand was a coach who was
> able to build up a team to be among the top 5 in
> the state. But he had the material to be coaching
> the Number 1 team. Easily.

Let me guess - your kid was either cut or in danger of being cut, or is not getting the playing time you think he/she deserves. What you call intimidation I'd call motivating. A coach is supposed to be demanding - to push a player to do more than he would otherwise. What you call bullying I'd say is probably more often than not just being honest with the kid - something nobody has probably ever been with him/her before. 'Hey, kid, you don't train very hard and you look unmotivated' - not too many messages like that coming from anyone these days.

Like it or not, some kids focus on just one sport, play it year round, have individual trainers, play club level, etc. That's your competition for playing time and a spot on the team. Is that kid, with all his/her motivation and skills, supposed to slack off so your kid doesn't look so bad out there? Is the coach supposed to plead with your child to be a little more motivated, or set a standard for performance that means some kids won't be on the team anymore?

To "seen a lot." Not quite. I admit the technique works for some kids. And I freely acknowledge that the coach I'm talking about got his team ranked in the Top 5 in Virginia. My point is that the technique doesn't work for all kids, and that a lot of good ones are left by the wayside.

A bit of my/my son's background. He was a walk-on in 9th grade, with no prior experience in the sport. He didn't have a dad who was a coach who started him out at age 6 or 7. He hadn't built any reputation with the pre-high school leagues (because he hadn't played the sport before). He started off in JV, and made varsity part way through 10th grade. He was never in danger of being cut. in fact, some other team members felt he trained too much, practiced too hard.

Still, he responds better to encouragement (and honest criticism) than bullying.

Interestingly, recently I took a look at the JV roster when he was in 9th grade. He was the only one who made it to varsity and stuck with it through his senior year. The unfortunate thing is that some of the other kids on JV had lots of potential. And some of the kids on varsity burned out. Many, actually.

seen-a-lot: I think we actually pretty much agree. No, the kid with motivation and skills shouldn't slack off. He/she ought to compete his/her damndest. (There were kids on the team who got scholarships which--in this sport are largely lined up by the coach--who complained that my son practiced too hard!) In fact, what I saw was that some of the coach's pets slacked off because they knew they could get away with it and still be on the first team.

My point--again--is that a coaching style of bullying can often be effective. But you'd get a lot further--such as a state championship--by recognizing that different kids respond to different styles.

ahgag Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> The first thing that I noticed about people who
> decide to coach is how insecure they are as
> individuals, there are some great coaches, but by
> and large, they are not good role models because
> they suck as human beings, and as for as TomLandry
> goes, you are probably the best example. A good
> coach motivates by serving as an example and
> should not only be able to illustrate and
> participate but not need to assert their "pair" by
> ordering people around because they have no real
> power in the real world and want to bully kids.

lol you're mad. about what, i don't know.

I decided to coach because my coach asked me to join after I graduated. "The Sport" changed my life and gave me direction both mentally and physically. That's what I worked for and tried to pass on to others. If I cared enough I'd give you my name to ask any Fairfax county coach / athlete, i worked with or competed against. Even the parents.

I didn't bully, neither did any of the coaches at the school. We weren't afraid to speak out if there was a problem and, unfortunately, we even got people to 'resign' at times.

I'll admit I got heated with kids, it happens. Some kids show up for practice everyday and stand around doing nothing. Really blows my mind, I don't get it. I would have kicked them off the team but they weren't hurting anyone (other than looking lazy) and at least they were safe til they went home.

Also when they hit "the wall" and they think they cant go on. We get loud then too. I'll put money on the fact that most parents have totally forgotten what that feels like and still underestimate their child's ability to act. You don't get stronger and faster with easy practices.

Yes your child looks beat because i'm working them into the ground. It's what I went to school for, its what i train and work for. For the most part, they don't let any old moron come in and coach.

Things can be amazingly simple when you actually do something.

EVERYONE in this field should be doing it for the kids. If you really think there's a problem or believe that ANYONE doesn't have the best interests of your child in mind (teachers & admin included) DON'T SIT AROUND DOING NOTHING. Worse yet, don't sit around complaining on a forum thinking that it counts as something.

I'll choose to ignore the cowardly internet bullies who chose to misinterpret what I had to say.

Like I said at the top of my post earlier -- bullying is a real and legitimate problem in coaching these days. It does exist and it needs to be stopped where it exists.

The point that I am trying to make is that there are cases of bullying that are likely ignored (which is an unfortunate tragedy) because students and parents have a tendency to run straight to that code word whenever anything happens that isn't to their liking.

"Bullying" -- like "hazing" and "harassment" -- has become such a charged word in schools these days that parents and students believe they can use it to describe anything and have administrators crawling on their hands and knees.

I've actually heard of parents using the word "bullying" to describe a receiver telling a quarterback that he was open. When this happens, it devalues the true meaning of the word and causes administrators to take legitimate cases much less seriously. Hence my posting title on this thread -- legitimate bullies in many cases are allowed to continue because too often parents and students "cry wolf" when it's not deserved.

To conclude -- there are ABSOLUTELY bad coaches out there who need to be reprimanded for the way they treat their kids. But there are others out there who are simply looking to create mental toughness in their kids by teaching them to respond under pressure.

A good coach aids in the preparation of student-athletes for the real world by knowing when to be tough and when to go easy, and a good parent recognizes that athletics are a forum for learning that can teach different lessons than the home and the classroom. A good parent also advocates for their son or daughter when they are being mistreated -- but in a lot of cases they engage in knee-jerk reactions that creat impossible environments for coaches and administrators to do their jobs.

Juniper Rat Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------

> My point--again--is that a coaching style of
> bullying can often be effective. But you'd get a
> lot further--such as a state championship--by
> recognizing that different kids respond to
> different styles.


Depending upon the sport, the coach has anywhere from 10 - 40 kids on his roster. Is he supposed to gin up an special IEP for each player? Cause that's what you are asking for.

I think the wonderful thing about sports is the coaches and players live and die by their records - the scoreboard does not lie. As the saying goes, there are no moral victories in football. That coach deserves to be able to run his own system, his own way. The leagues give him a set of rules to play by, but after that, it's his show. And if you don't like it, you are free to move your kid to another school, sport, or not participate at all.

These coaches don't make a lot a money - some aren't paid at all. They are doing it because they love the game. And 99% of them are not out there trying to dream up some special way to torment your child. They are trying to have a winning team they best way they know how. Unless you are volunteering to sacrifice your evenings and weekends for other people's kids, perhaps you should show some respect and deference to the people that do.

seen a lot makes a good point. The thing that a lot of parents forget is that student-athletes have the right to try out for whatever sport they want, but they do not have the right to be coached in the manner that they want.

As a parent, if you and your kid want to make a statement to a coach, the best way to do it is to not show up to tryouts. If their treatment is as bad as some seem to be claiming here, there's nothing wrong with a huge chunk of players electing not to play for a season.

It would be a hell of a way to embarrass a coach if no players showed up to play for him in a season in a big-time sport such as football or basketball. Talk about getting the attention of administrators.

I think too many times, parents and students get caught up in the idea that the player has a right to play interscholastic sports and have the experience go exactly as they would like. Nothing could be further from the truth, and indeed, it is that adversity that the student faces that is frequently the most valuable part of the experience.

But again -- where there is legitimate bullying going on, it MUST be stopped.

seen a lot Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> These coaches don't make a lot a money - some
> aren't paid at all. They are doing it because
> they love the game. And 99% of them are not out
> there trying to dream up some special way to
> torment your child. They are trying to have a
> winning team they best way they know how. Unless
> you are volunteering to sacrifice your evenings
> and weekends for other people's kids, perhaps you
> should show some respect and deference to the
> people that do.


A few years ago, I can tell you the head coach for track made less money than the assistant jv coach for girls field hockey. Nobody is coaching for that money. And only 2 checks throughout each season. Like most coaches, I forgot getting paid was even involved lol.

Crying Wolf Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> A good coach aids in the preparation of
> student-athletes for the real world by knowing
> when to be tough and when to go easy, and a good
> parent recognizes that athletics are a forum for
> learning that can teach different lessons than the
> home and the classroom. A good parent also
> advocates for their son or daughter when they are
> being mistreated -- but in a lot of cases they
> engage in knee-jerk reactions that creat
> impossible environments for coaches and
> administrators to do their jobs.


Another good point for parents to think about. We're working with YOUR children and we're "not even" teachers. When it comes to situations of a students word against ours. WE have everything to lose including our reputations, and it's A LOT easier for that to happen at this level when you're dealing with coach/athlete 'relations'. Schools are forced to play better safe than sorry, so any accusation can effectively end someones career over nothing (seen it happen a couple times)

Unfortunately the picture here is so big that very few here will really understand what is involved.

Also because I know I'm not the only one thinking it. A lot of the parents I've met over the years were softer than their kids, and that's where ALL the complaints came from. I have"been there" and am telling you "that's how it is". Take it or leave it lol.

Crying Wolf Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------

> As a parent, if you and your kid want to make a
> statement to a coach, the best way to do it is to
> not show up to tryouts. If their treatment is as
> bad as some seem to be claiming here, there's
> nothing wrong with a huge chunk of players
> electing not to play for a season.

It's funny, but as much bitching as I've heard over the years from other parents on the sidelines about coaching, playing time, etc, I've never seen one of those parents that bitch move a kid to another team. They complain about how the coach doesn't know shit, yet they don't move their kid - which makes me think that deep down, they know the coach's assessment of their kid is correct. Someone who thinks the coach doesn't know jack about evaluating players but keeps showing up for the same team? If the kid was really under appreciated, you'd think they'd hustle across town to a coach who would see what the other coach was missing.

Well, it's not quite so easy. As I'm sure you're aware, jumping between public schools looking for the right coaching environment is not as simple as just running across town.

But that being said, it's not that uncommon for kids to decide not to play their sport of choice at their school. It's why you see kids come out of the woodwork at times when a coach gets fired or steps down. It just doesn't happen in huge quantities to the point where it attracts attention -- largely because usually you don't have a huge group of kids who are upset enough with the coach to not play. Usually you have a select few, or even a single student, who has their own personal beef with the coach.

And again, that's the choice of the student (or sometimes, the parent). If they don't want to play for the coach who is there, they have to decide whether or not their love for the sport and their desire to compete outweighs their disdain for the coach. Just one of the many tough choices that talented kids eventually have to make in life.

TomLandry is also very astute, if a bit less charitable than I, in his assessment of "soft" parents. There's a fine line between advocating for your kids and retarding their emotional growth and development. Parents would be well-advised to know the line and to steer well clear of it.

crying wolf: the problem is that bullying styles do not promote personal growth for anyone, ever-they simply create more adults who are insecure and boring, and possibly work for govt or military, no creativity, but plenty of conformity.

Oh, I agree with you! Indeed, legitimate bullying does that and much, much worse.

What I'm talking about is the overwhelming number of parents who are using the word "bullying" to describe something that doesn't cross the line into bullying. And additionally, the dangers of doing so -- legitimate bullying being taken less seriously because parents are leading administrators down smokeholes where there's no fire, and good coaches having their reputations damaged for no good reason.

That's the whole point of my admittedly nuanced argument: don't cry "bullying" unless it's actually bullying. Bully coaches are out there, but they are much fewer and far between than people on here would have you believe.

Crying Wolf Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Well, it's not quite so easy.

It's actually quite easy, since most sports now have club leagues that make HS sports less of a monopoly, with the possible exception of football. Baseball, basketball, soccer, lacrosse - best athletes are going to clubs and *maybe* playing for their HS team, if their club allows it. US Soccer just banned it's Development Academy players (15 - 18 yr olds) from playing HS soccer, for example.

Crying Wolf Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> What I'm talking about is the overwhelming number
> of parents who are using the word "bullying" to
> describe something that doesn't cross the line
> into bullying. And additionally, the dangers of
> doing so -- legitimate bullying being taken less
> seriously because parents are leading
> administrators down smokeholes where there's no
> fire, and good coaches having their reputations
> damaged for no good reason.

Says it all. Disgusting to see and the real bad guys continue going after other GOOD people because they really believe they're helping.

Check out other threads on here on hs sports.
Out of control coaches
Look the other way ADs
School board shoukd care but they dont