WEATHER RELATED EVENT ALERT
Posted by:
Dept of Emergency Management
()
Date: February 19, 2012 07:56AM
YUPPIE PANIC OUTLOOK
FAIRFAX COUNTY DEPT OF EMERGENCY MANAGEMENT
0756 19 FEB 2012
FCDEM>4JGCX3>2345-12-XSD34-345F-CCF-40120->JSDFK
FAIRFAX COUNTY AND ALERT ALL DC METRO AREAS
HEAVY SNOWFALL IS FORECAST FOR THE METROPOLITAN REGION. REGIONALLY-CRIPPLING AND YUPPIE TERROR-INDUCING ACCUMULATIONS OF 0.5 TO 1 CENTIMETER IS FORECAST.
ALL YUPPIES ARE ADVISED TO PROCEED IN THEIR NISSAN XTERRAS BMWS RANGE ROVERS OR PRISTINE JEEP RUBICONS AT HIGH MPH AND LOW MPG TO THE NEAREST WHOLE FOODS HARRIS TEETER OR WEGMANS TO STOCK UP ON BOTTLED WATER MILK BREAD TOILET PAPER AND OTHER ITEMS AS DEEMED APPROPRIATE... BE ADVISED TO WEAR YOUR HIGH-PRICED NORTH FACE MOUNTAIN HARD WEAR AND ARCTERYX CLOTHING... THIS MAY BE THE ONE TIME YOUR VEHICLES AND CLOTHING SEE ANY HEAVY WEATHER... WEAR A PANICKED EXPRESSION AS YOU HURRY THROUGH THE STORE AISLES AND DRIVE AREA ROADS... YUPPIES ARE ADVISED TO CUT OFF OTHER DRIVERS AND TO BLOCK ALL INTERSECTIONS AS NOBODY IS AS IMPORTANT AS YOU... HEED YUPPIE GENERAL EMERGENCY INSTRUCTION TO TAILGATE AND CUT-OFF ALL SNOW PLOWS AND SALT TRUCKS...
THIS OUTLOOK IS IN EFFECT UNTIL MONDAY 0100 20 FEB 2012