There is an insidious bond between the Judiciary like Judge Smith, law firms like Surovall Isaacs, and biased "expert" witnesses who say what the lawyers want for excessive costs. There are mothers losing their children forced into divorce litigation they cannot afford but the fathers can, facing "experts" who will never respect or support their parenthood. There is a long history of custody being awarded to abusive parents and parents seeking to alienate children against the other parent. There is a mommies-go-bye-bye blog with all the "usual suspects," as one alumnus of Surovall Isaacs put it on record, all on the mommies-go-bye-bye list. Mothers need to be wary, as the experts will find nothing by concoct the meaningless "borderline personality disorder" to tear your family away from you. There is a mayor who knowingly support this as some child abuse has occurred in his former mansion, yet he testifies in support of the abuser. n. There is probably much more. Women in particular are pawns, and children are victims. Tread cautiously in Fairfax

You should get treatment for your BPD, and then this might not happen to you. Also, it's helpful to take care of your children in between demanding money from the dad, and let him see them on some kind of regular schedule, not just when you feel like it. Taking your kids to the doctor when they're sick is preferred over crying and complaining that the system is biased when your kids are sick over and over again while you buy another pair of shoes, and soforth.

There was a time when the de facto standard was so long as the mother was clearly fit, she got the kids and the power and perks that went with it. If the father was willing to spend money on experts and PIs in a custody fight, he was being unnecessarily litigious.

Times have changed. Judges are increasingly aware that mothers are not raising the children largely on their own. Those judges are now more willing to determine custody and visitation based on what is best for the children, not just what is consistent with the cultural norms. With the standard moving from whether the mother is fit to whether the Father is better, facts and factors which previously did not matter except in extreme cases take on a larger role. This is where experts come in.

Money matters in litigation, just as it does in other aspects of life. A person with greater financial resources has the option to pursue more possible arguments than someone whose means are more restricted. If you haven't learned it before, life isn't always fair. Surovall isn't cheap, but it is equal opportunity. Show up with a pile of cash and they will be just as aggressive regardless of your gender.

If you are looking for balance, the person with more income and assets usually has to pay more in the property division and support. If that excessively expensive parent loses, the court might also stick him with paying attorney fees.