Rachael,
The Procedural Safeguards document that someone provided a link to above is important for you to be familiar with. In fact the school should have provided you with a copy of this at the beginning of your child's special ed evaluation and eligibility process. You had to have consented to the provision of special ed services and you have the right to withdraw your consent. Here is the federal regulation that provides for this withdrawal of consent:
section 300.300(b)
4) If, at any time subsequent to the initial provision of special education and related services, the parent of a child revokes consent in writing for the continued provision of special education and related services, the public agency--
(i) May not continue to provide special education and related services to the child, but must provide prior written notice in accordance with Sec.300.503 before ceasing the provision of special education and related services;
(ii) May not use the procedures in subpart E of this part (including the mediation procedures under Sec.300.506 or the due process procedures under Sec.Sec.300.507 through 300.516) in order to obtain agreement or a ruling that the services may be provided to the child;
(iii) Will not be considered to be in violation of the requirement to make FAPE available to the child because of the failure to provide the child with further special education and related services; and
(iv) Is not required to convene an IEP Team meeting or develop an IEP under Sec.Sec. 300.320 and 300.324 for the child for further provision of special education and related services.
Other sources of good information are www.wrightslaw.com
idea.ed.gov
and for state information
http://www.doe.virginia.gov
You will find that you can not rely on what others tell you unless they can also direct you to the specific passage in the law that provides for the issue you need to know about. You need to see it in writing before you believe it. Even then, case law will also come into play when determining the final interpretation of any part of the law.
You do have a right to an Independent Educational Evaluation, paid BY THE SCHOOL SYSTEM, if you disagree with their evaluation. You must request everything in writing, keep a paper trail of all interactions with school personnel, and do your best to be unemotional, calm and cooperative at meetings. Inform the school a few days ahead that you will be audiotaping the meeting. Then do it. Try to have someone to go to the meeting with you just to help take notes, etc.
Anything you ask for the school to do for your child or things they want to do that you may or not agree with require the school to provide a "prior written notice" before they do it or after they refuse to do it. You may have to ask for them to provide this written document because it requires them to spell out why they are doing what they are doing-or not. Look up the definitions of terms you don't understand on the two web sites I mentioned.
Ultimately, parents have to enforce the special ed rules. You can always file a state complaint if you can't resolve a conflict. If all else fails mediation or due process is available but don't go there unless you mean to win and are willing to go all the way. It's costly and parents rarely win. In the world of special education, a little skeptical paranoia will serve you well. Good luck.