So, in this dream, I was in some grocery store in Richmond, and who comes along but good old Meade Skelton, with a shopping cart full of food and a lot of really good wine.


'Holy shit! It's Meade Skelton!' I exclaimed.

'Hey there, friend. Don't be silly. Name's Bob Smith - Meade's just my online troll personna. But please tell me you aren't someone who fell for that shit!'

'Oh no', I lied. 'I do tune in though because I have a healthy regard for irony'.

'Well', he remarked with delight. 'A fellow hipster! And one with a sense of humor for a change! Friend, why don't you come by and have a steak and some wine with me? The wife won't mind one more person at the table!'

As we drove out to his country estate, he described his unique hobby. 'I work as a cost accountant - it's great work and I am able to support my family very handsomely, but you know what? It's just really fucking boring! It's not really the kind of work you can TALK about. So I needed a creative outlet. I invented a totally bizarre internet character and I play that role online between work projects.'

'But what about your band? And your performances?'

'OK, one at a time', he began. First, my band. They are coworkers who are in on the joke. The performances? The reason there's nobody in the audience is that we record the damn things in my back yard! After a session, we have dinner and get drunk!'

'But you really hate so-called jungle music?

'Oh sweet Jesus!' he roared. 'That line always gets a rise out of people! Everyone's so fucking sensitive! I keep trying to get up the nerve to perform something in blackface - that would really send everyone over the edge!'

'You don't prefer country music?'

'Look friend', he answered. 'Country music is fine for cow-tipping shitkickers to listen to. I perform it because it's part of my schtick, and it's easy to compose. I personally prefer classic rock. I DO hate Justin Beiber FYI, but so does everybody after all.

'And all the Donald Trump BS" I asked.

'Well, first of all, I AM a Republican, so Trump's fine with me, as these things go. As to the MAGA hat you will often see me in, I wear it because I work in a liberal district and it makes the neighbors' heads explode. Remember - I AM a troll.'

'How many people fall for your act? I asked. 'After all, you don't seem to get a lot of hits.'

You're right of course' he admitted. 'So far, I'm still too far over the top to be credible, so almost everyone KNOWS I'm just a troll and they ignore me. But there's this one web forum, based out of NoVa of course, where everyone is apparently so fucked up that I'm actually believable by comparison. That's where most of my fans seem to come from. I can't begin to imagine the kind of oddballs who would even lurk on such a site.'

I said nothing to this, and changed the topic to cost accounting.

You're putting way too much time and effort into this.