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Welcome to Fairfax Underground, a project site designed to improve communication among residents of Fairfax County, VA. Feel free to post anything Northern Virginia residents would find interesting.
Raphael "Ted" Cruz (R), Canada - Lucifer or a Joe McCarthy-Dracula Love Child?
Posted by:
Annonomeister
()
Date: May 02, 2016 08:04AM
"Boy, it isn’t every day you get to write a headline like that! But those are the kinds of feelings Ted Cruz seems to bring out in everyone — left, right, and center.
On the right, doesn’t John Boehner sound a lot looser and more relaxed now that he isn’t responsible for herding a bunch of hyperactive cats in the House? He certainly seemed like it this week, in what was supposed to be an unrecorded talk. Of course, these days, everyone in politics should just automatically assume that everything they say will be recorded, because the chances are it will be. When asked what he personally thought about Ted Cruz, Boehner responded: “Lucifer in the flesh.” In case anyone thought he was kidding, he followed this up with: “I get along with almost everyone, but I have never worked with a more miserable son of a bitch in my life.” C’mon, tell us what you really think, John!
Not to be outdone, Representative Peter King (who, earlier, said he’d drink cyanide if Cruz were to become his party’s nominee) piled on to Boehner’s comment by responding: “Maybe he gives Lucifer a bad name by comparing him to Ted Cruz.” This is likely the first time that Peter King and actual Satanists have agreed on anything, it should be noted. We’re not sure if this is any sort of sign of the impending apocalypse, but then we’re not the theological (demonic?) experts that King and Boehner seem to be. And, please remember, this is what fellow Republicans are saying about the man who is supposed to somehow be “saving the party” from Donald Trump!
Over on the left, Al Franken is starting to be confident enough that people take him seriously as a senator to actually give himself permission to be funny once again. Franken, in excerpts from a roast in Minnesota, does a hilarious impression of Paul Ryan as an 18th-century fop denying he has any presidential ambitions (“No, no, I shan’t run”), and he also took the time to share his own impression of what, exactly, Ted Cruz really is: “the love child of Joe McCarthy and Dracula.”
Perhaps this outbreak of levity was due to Washington currently being in its giddy run-up to the granddaddy of political roasts, the White House Correspondents’ Dinner. The White House itself got in on the fun today, and turned over the briefing podium to fictional character C. J. Cregg (press secretary on The West Wing, played by Allison Janney). Since this will be President Obama’s last official roast, it’ll be interesting to see what jokes he’s been holding back until now.
But we’re getting distracted. Back to the presidential campaign trail. Ted Cruz, realizing that time is fast running out on any chance he’s going to have of winning the Republican nomination (his entire candidacy may actually expire next Tuesday, in Indiana), made a desperation move — what’s being called his “Hail Carly” play. He announced his (non-existent) running mate will be none other than Carly Fiorina.
This is a naked move to grab some California delegates, of course. Carly originally hailed from the Golden State, but what Ted Cruz seems to have missed is that she hasn’t exactly been a success out here. But we have to defer to Senator Barbara Boxer, since Boxer was the one Fiorina lost to by 10 points after spending a whopping amount of money (on “demon sheep” ads, no less). Boxer’s reaction to Fiorina being named by Cruz was priceless:
[Fiorina] hasn’t held office, any office, be it Senate, House, state legislature, local government, not a minute’s worth, and her claim to fame is running a large corporation which she practically destroyed, Hewlett-Packard, the pride of California. I think it just shows Ted Cruz has no judgment whatsoever by choosing her. I think if Carly Fiorina is on a national ticket, that would be really good for the Democrats because... in the worst year for Democrats, and I mean it, I beat her by one million votes. We just showed her record when she was at HP and how selfish she is as a human being.
Boxer followed this skewering up with a tweet, in case anyone still had any doubts how she felt: “I predict that the latest @CarlyFiorina merger will be as successful as her last one.”
The real irony is that this all might be meaningless, if Ted Cruz loses Indiana next Tuesday. Cruz didn’t do himself any good in the basketball-crazy Hoosier State by talking about the “basketball ring” to a crowd. Hoo boy. Basketball ring? Really? Donald Trump then made things worse for Cruz by announcing the endorsement of infamous hometown coach (and chair-hurler) Bobby Knight. Knight, of course, had the best response to the Cruz gaffe: “A guy that would come into this state and think that we play with rings instead of baskets is not a guy that’s very well prepared to do a hell of a lot.”
We stand on the brink of both parties’ nomination races being essentially over, in fact. This was due to Trump sweeping all five states last Tuesday night, and Hillary Clinton winning four out of five. As Hillary begins her pivot (long-awaited, by her) to a general election campaign strategy, she is already going out of her way to attempt to woo Bernie voters over to her camp. George “Mr. Sulu” Takei even helped this effort out, in a video he posted on Facebook taking exception with the “Bernie or Bust” folks.
Tuesday was also a good night for the establishment wing of the Democratic Party in general, as two Senate primaries were won (in Maryland and Pennsylvania) by the party insiders’ favored candidates."
http://www.chrisweigant.com/2016/04/29/ftp389/
On the right, doesn’t John Boehner sound a lot looser and more relaxed now that he isn’t responsible for herding a bunch of hyperactive cats in the House? He certainly seemed like it this week, in what was supposed to be an unrecorded talk. Of course, these days, everyone in politics should just automatically assume that everything they say will be recorded, because the chances are it will be. When asked what he personally thought about Ted Cruz, Boehner responded: “Lucifer in the flesh.” In case anyone thought he was kidding, he followed this up with: “I get along with almost everyone, but I have never worked with a more miserable son of a bitch in my life.” C’mon, tell us what you really think, John!
Not to be outdone, Representative Peter King (who, earlier, said he’d drink cyanide if Cruz were to become his party’s nominee) piled on to Boehner’s comment by responding: “Maybe he gives Lucifer a bad name by comparing him to Ted Cruz.” This is likely the first time that Peter King and actual Satanists have agreed on anything, it should be noted. We’re not sure if this is any sort of sign of the impending apocalypse, but then we’re not the theological (demonic?) experts that King and Boehner seem to be. And, please remember, this is what fellow Republicans are saying about the man who is supposed to somehow be “saving the party” from Donald Trump!
Over on the left, Al Franken is starting to be confident enough that people take him seriously as a senator to actually give himself permission to be funny once again. Franken, in excerpts from a roast in Minnesota, does a hilarious impression of Paul Ryan as an 18th-century fop denying he has any presidential ambitions (“No, no, I shan’t run”), and he also took the time to share his own impression of what, exactly, Ted Cruz really is: “the love child of Joe McCarthy and Dracula.”
Perhaps this outbreak of levity was due to Washington currently being in its giddy run-up to the granddaddy of political roasts, the White House Correspondents’ Dinner. The White House itself got in on the fun today, and turned over the briefing podium to fictional character C. J. Cregg (press secretary on The West Wing, played by Allison Janney). Since this will be President Obama’s last official roast, it’ll be interesting to see what jokes he’s been holding back until now.
But we’re getting distracted. Back to the presidential campaign trail. Ted Cruz, realizing that time is fast running out on any chance he’s going to have of winning the Republican nomination (his entire candidacy may actually expire next Tuesday, in Indiana), made a desperation move — what’s being called his “Hail Carly” play. He announced his (non-existent) running mate will be none other than Carly Fiorina.
This is a naked move to grab some California delegates, of course. Carly originally hailed from the Golden State, but what Ted Cruz seems to have missed is that she hasn’t exactly been a success out here. But we have to defer to Senator Barbara Boxer, since Boxer was the one Fiorina lost to by 10 points after spending a whopping amount of money (on “demon sheep” ads, no less). Boxer’s reaction to Fiorina being named by Cruz was priceless:
[Fiorina] hasn’t held office, any office, be it Senate, House, state legislature, local government, not a minute’s worth, and her claim to fame is running a large corporation which she practically destroyed, Hewlett-Packard, the pride of California. I think it just shows Ted Cruz has no judgment whatsoever by choosing her. I think if Carly Fiorina is on a national ticket, that would be really good for the Democrats because... in the worst year for Democrats, and I mean it, I beat her by one million votes. We just showed her record when she was at HP and how selfish she is as a human being.
Boxer followed this skewering up with a tweet, in case anyone still had any doubts how she felt: “I predict that the latest @CarlyFiorina merger will be as successful as her last one.”
The real irony is that this all might be meaningless, if Ted Cruz loses Indiana next Tuesday. Cruz didn’t do himself any good in the basketball-crazy Hoosier State by talking about the “basketball ring” to a crowd. Hoo boy. Basketball ring? Really? Donald Trump then made things worse for Cruz by announcing the endorsement of infamous hometown coach (and chair-hurler) Bobby Knight. Knight, of course, had the best response to the Cruz gaffe: “A guy that would come into this state and think that we play with rings instead of baskets is not a guy that’s very well prepared to do a hell of a lot.”
We stand on the brink of both parties’ nomination races being essentially over, in fact. This was due to Trump sweeping all five states last Tuesday night, and Hillary Clinton winning four out of five. As Hillary begins her pivot (long-awaited, by her) to a general election campaign strategy, she is already going out of her way to attempt to woo Bernie voters over to her camp. George “Mr. Sulu” Takei even helped this effort out, in a video he posted on Facebook taking exception with the “Bernie or Bust” folks.
Tuesday was also a good night for the establishment wing of the Democratic Party in general, as two Senate primaries were won (in Maryland and Pennsylvania) by the party insiders’ favored candidates."
http://www.chrisweigant.com/2016/04/29/ftp389/
Re: Raphael "Ted" Cruz (R), Canada - Lucifer or a Joe McCarthy-Dracula Love Child?
Posted by:
Hillary the KKKisser
()
Date: May 02, 2016 08:07AM
Who cares?