Eric Bonetti, age 54, of Fairfax, VA, was arrested this afternoon at Michael's Crafts store in Fair Lakes on suspicion of shoplifting. Mr. Bonetti was observed by the store manager attempting to conceal a large quantity of poster board under a jacket while exiting the store. 'We've seen this guy here buying supplies before. Talks about making protest signs. Always muttering something about 'Sugarland' and 'I'm going to prove it to everyone finally'. Not sure why he thought he would get away with stealing from us today', said John Johnson, store manager.
A disheveled looking Mike Smith, exiting ABC Bail Bonds office about 4pm, said, 'A GS-15 salary just doesn't go that far when we waste it all on this protest stuff. I told Eric I was happy being the breadwinner but this isn't how I pictured our golden years. ".
When reached for comment, Mr. Bonetti said 'I was about to pay for the posterboard. This is all one big misunderstanding. See you at Dysfunction Juntction bright and early, Bob!".
The suspect has been released on $100k bail. He is considered to be an extremely dangerous domestic terrorist. If you see him, press your panic button and hide under the bed immediately.