See For Yourself:Eric Bonetti Arrested Under Suspicion of Shoplifting
Posted by:
A Concerned Citizen
()
Date: February 02, 2019 06:44PM
Fairfax, VA-
Eric Bonetti, age 54, of Fairfax, VA, was arrested this afternoon at Michael's Crafts store in Fair Lakes on suspicion of shoplifting. Mr. Bonetti was observed by the store manager attempting to conceal a large quantity of poster board under a jacket while exiting the store. 'We've seen this guy here buying supplies before. Talks about making protest signs. Always muttering something about 'Sugarland' and 'I'm going to prove it to everyone finally'. Not sure why he thought he would get away with stealing from us today', said John Johnson, store manager.
A disheveled looking Mike Smith, exiting ABC Bail Bonds office about 4pm, said, 'A GS-15 salary just doesn't go that far when we waste it all on this protest stuff. I told Eric I was happy being the breadwinner but this isn't how I pictured our golden years. ".
When reached for comment, Mr. Bonetti said 'I was about to pay for the posterboard. This is all one big misunderstanding. See you at Dysfunction Juntction bright and early, Bob!".
The suspect has been released on $100k bail. He is considered to be an extremely dangerous domestic terrorist. If you see him, press your panic button and hide under the bed immediately.
Attachments:
Eric Bonetti, age 54, of Fairfax, VA, was arrested this afternoon at Michael's Crafts store in Fair Lakes on suspicion of shoplifting. Mr. Bonetti was observed by the store manager attempting to conceal a large quantity of poster board under a jacket while exiting the store. 'We've seen this guy here buying supplies before. Talks about making protest signs. Always muttering something about 'Sugarland' and 'I'm going to prove it to everyone finally'. Not sure why he thought he would get away with stealing from us today', said John Johnson, store manager.
A disheveled looking Mike Smith, exiting ABC Bail Bonds office about 4pm, said, 'A GS-15 salary just doesn't go that far when we waste it all on this protest stuff. I told Eric I was happy being the breadwinner but this isn't how I pictured our golden years. ".
When reached for comment, Mr. Bonetti said 'I was about to pay for the posterboard. This is all one big misunderstanding. See you at Dysfunction Juntction bright and early, Bob!".
The suspect has been released on $100k bail. He is considered to be an extremely dangerous domestic terrorist. If you see him, press your panic button and hide under the bed immediately.
Attachments:
Re: See For Yourself:Eric Bonetti Arrested Under Suspicion of Shoplifting
Posted by:
Aunt Pittypat Malm
()
Date: February 02, 2019 07:00PM
Quick! The smelling salts!
Attachments:
Attachments:
Re: See For Yourself:Eric Bonetti Arrested Under Suspicion of Shoplifting
Posted by:
Pelham Police
()
Date: February 03, 2019 05:39PM
Here in Pelham, we’ve heard reports that Mr. Bonetti doesn’t mow his lawn, so we have issued a warrant for his arrest on terrorism charges. No telling what he might do!
Attachments:
Attachments:
Re: See For Yourself:Eric Bonetti Arrested Under Suspicion of Shoplifting
Posted by:
Bubba Malm
()
Date: February 04, 2019 10:55AM
And your little dog, too!
Attachments:
Attachments:
Re: See For Yourself:Eric Bonetti Arrested Under Suspicion of Shoplifting
Posted by:
PittyPat Malm
()
Date: February 05, 2019 02:24PM
Terrorists! I’m going to swoon!
Attachments:
Attachments:
Re: See For Yourself:Eric Bonetti Arrested Under Suspicion of Shoplifting
Posted by:
Hola
()
Date: February 07, 2019 06:42PM
Perjurer-in-Chief, Bobby Malm
Attachments:
Attachments: