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Welcome to Fairfax Underground, a project site designed to improve communication among residents of Fairfax County, VA. Feel free to post anything Northern Virginia residents would find interesting.
Welcome to Fairfax Underground, a project site designed to improve communication among residents of Fairfax County, VA. Feel free to post anything Northern Virginia residents would find interesting.
Tabore Academy Names Fr. Bob Malm Distinguished Alumnus
Posted by:
Kathy Coffee
()
Date: September 21, 2018 12:18PM
Tabore Academy, located along Sugarland’s prestigious South Coast, today announced that Fr. Robert Hiller Malm, aka “The Man” has been named its Distinguished Alumnus for 2018. The announcement recognizes Malm’s innvative “One, Shun and Done” initiative, developed to help churches enforce the baptismal covenant.
“My program is effective in rooting out heresy and dissent at every level,” said Malm. “For example, some time ago we had a domestic terrorist infiltrate our church, sneaking in under guise of the Great Vigil of 2014. To the ordinary parishioner, this individual, Mykel Smyth, was someone who liked going to foyer, making cookies for coffee hour, and going to Shrine Mont. But in reality, he was dedicated to a life of low-grade evil, and was plotting with others to terrorize the church.”
“Thanks to my patented ‘One, Shun, and Done’ initiative, a few simple words to my office staff and that evil terrorist was toast,” he added. “Of course, we had one-button wireless panic buttons installed and at the ready, just in case,” he noted. “After all, one elderly woman, an unindicted co-conspirator, had even purchased oxygen tanks as part of the plot. Drag that near my votive candles and, “Blooey! We would have all landed in Mattapoisset!”
Clergy and lay leaders wanting to sign up for this innovative program can contact the “Jesus is Truth” Center for Outreach and Healing, located at 3601 Russell Road, phone 703-BEMOREMALM.
Attachments:
“My program is effective in rooting out heresy and dissent at every level,” said Malm. “For example, some time ago we had a domestic terrorist infiltrate our church, sneaking in under guise of the Great Vigil of 2014. To the ordinary parishioner, this individual, Mykel Smyth, was someone who liked going to foyer, making cookies for coffee hour, and going to Shrine Mont. But in reality, he was dedicated to a life of low-grade evil, and was plotting with others to terrorize the church.”
“Thanks to my patented ‘One, Shun, and Done’ initiative, a few simple words to my office staff and that evil terrorist was toast,” he added. “Of course, we had one-button wireless panic buttons installed and at the ready, just in case,” he noted. “After all, one elderly woman, an unindicted co-conspirator, had even purchased oxygen tanks as part of the plot. Drag that near my votive candles and, “Blooey! We would have all landed in Mattapoisset!”
Clergy and lay leaders wanting to sign up for this innovative program can contact the “Jesus is Truth” Center for Outreach and Healing, located at 3601 Russell Road, phone 703-BEMOREMALM.
Attachments: