What is your best Metro fart story?

Mine was after a Georgetown game at the Verizon center. Iverson was still playing college ball. I ate a greasy Stromboli packed with mozzarella for lunch.im lactose intolerant to a point where I sometimes have to pull over and take a shit in the woods while I'm driving. Stomach cramps starting etc. I ate 2 Italian sausages at the game and drank nasty bud draft. I park at butler sonthis was the orange line. Packed after a game. Slowly released it and people 10ft away were making faces! The chick I was with knew it was me and gave me a dirty look.
How many of you sick bastards that regularly troll here do this ?

I don't use METRO cuz it's too slow. Uber Pool is only a couple of bucks more, so I use it.

Despite that, I have found farting to be effective at things like the Chantilly Flea Market. That thing's a ripoff and useless, but my GF likes it, so I take her.

What always happens is you get to a booth, and there's this 300 lb. man or woman standing in front of a table taking all of today and half of tomorrow trying to figure out which $5 item he/she's going to buy. If you try to stand to one side of him/her and look at something else on the table or reach to pick it up, he/she shifts to block you. If you go around to his/her other side, he/she shifts again to block you.

Another annoying thing is when you see something at a table you want to look at, but half the people at the flea market are crowded around it.

This is why when I take GF to this thing, we always have a late dinner at Taco Bell. By late the next morning, GF and I are letting loose some real SBD aisle-clearers. So, when confronted with either of the above, we just go bustin' loose. This disperses the crowd or moves the 300 pounder on. The 2 disadvantages are you & whoever owns the stuff in the booth have to smell it. One thing about Taco Hell farts is they linger.

Once remember years ago seeing vomit on the carpet of a Metro train after 4th of July fireworks leaving downtown DC. More Metro horror stories, go here:
https://twitter.com/unsuckdcmetro
https://twitter.com/dcmetrosucks?lang=en

Have not been on a Metro train since November of last year.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/local/trafficandcommuting/when-will-things-stop-catching-on-fire-on-metro/2017/05/06/28078350-301b-11e7-9dec-764dc781686f_story.html?utm_term=.1e7366e2e326

http://wtop.com/tracking-metro-24-7/2017/03/groundwater-likely-source-yellow-line-leak/slide/1/

http://wtop.com/dc-transit/2017/07/federal-inspectors-metro-crumbling-concrete-dark-tunnels-missing-evacuation-plans/slide/1/

ONLINE CANADIAN PHARMACY Wrote:
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> I don't use METRO cuz it's too slow. Uber Pool is
> only a couple of bucks more, so I use it.
>
> Despite that, I have found farting to be effective
> at things like the Chantilly Flea Market. That
> thing's a ripoff and useless, but my GF likes it,
> so I take her.
>
> What always happens is you get to a booth, and
> there's this 300 lb. man or woman standing in
> front of a table taking all of today and half of
> tomorrow trying to figure out which $5 item
> he/she's going to buy. If you try to stand to one
> side of him/her and look at something else on the
> table or reach to pick it up, he/she shifts to
> block you. If you go around to his/her other
> side, he/she shifts again to block you.
>
> Another annoying thing is when you see something
> at a table you want to look at, but half the
> people at the flea market are crowded around it.
>
> This is why when I take GF to this thing, we
> always have a late dinner at Taco Bell. By late
> the next morning, GF and I are letting loose some
> real SBD aisle-clearers. So, when confronted with
> either of the above, we just go bustin' loose.
> This disperses the crowd or moves the 300 pounder
> on. The 2 disadvantages are you & whoever owns
> the stuff in the booth have to smell it. One
> thing about Taco Hell farts is they linger.

Do u have to pay to enter the flea market?
Found tomato basil soup from la madeleine gives you those silent ones that reek of a dog that just ate a week old chicken wing off the street

Milk
Peanut butter
Grape juice
Cranberry juice
Eggplant

I can consume these items and within an hour the people around me can't breathe the air that comes out of my ass. I even have a difficult time with the smell!

Why eggplant? I know it's in the same family as tomato! Now I wonder if the pizza sauce is the culprit of stomach churning gas, and not the cheese. Not all pizza gives me the farts. Oh and pizza that will paralyze you and burn three toilet rolls in 2 days? Costco pizza! It's either their dough or cheese! I could b starving on an island and I'll say nyet to their pizza. Even I was starving, I would die a fate of dysentery

Went to the annual holiday party this past January at the Willard. Got drunk of great manhattans, and ate about 23 creme brûlée desserts. Those gay mini ones. Went home passed out and when I awoke I thought an animal got into my house and died. Not a cute furry school but a groundhog with mange, fleas and ticks! Im going to pick one morning this week to ride to metro center for work. I'm going to check busiest time on my particular stretch....I'll call a bunch of wedding dessert caterers and say that I want a sample creme brûlée for an upcoming wedding. I'll tell them to make one size it will be in at the wedding, and one big bowl for mother in law to sample etc. I'll call at least 3 of them(I would do more but I hafta work ya know), and get these handcrafted ordinance. I'll consume at least twice what I did at that party(in volume). I want to know if the alchemy in my gut biome, with a properly timed release, would actually invoke gasping the second the doors open? I'm so lactose intolerant a McDonald's mcflurry would kill me!

Farting on MetroFail most likely will improve the smell inside of a train car.

CheepFarter Wrote:
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>
> Do u have to pay to enter the flea market?
>


Yeah, you do. It's a ripoff and I usually get bored pretty fast, but GF likes it, so I take her when it comes. They have it at that Expo center in Chantilly every so often.

I would take farting on the Metro over niggering on the Metro any day.

Mike O'Meara Show Fan Wrote:
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> I would take farting on the Metro over niggering
> on the Metro any day.


^^^WINNER!

I bust ass on that shitcan every chance I get.

It's just a decision between an audible blast or a silent one...which just comes down to how hard and fast you want to push.

The audible blasts can be highly effective at clearing away undesirable fuckers and niggers. You just point the ass toward them and pretend like you have no idea what you did, like some really old man.

If you smell something, say something.

I like to play gas, liquid, or solids.

One participant at a time will RIP one and the others in the game guess if the ripper farted, squirted, or shit.

Proof is required.

Fart Blossom Wrote:
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> I like to play gas, liquid, or solids.
>
> One participant at a time will RIP one and the
> others in the game guess if the ripper farted,
> squirted, or shit.
>
> Proof is required.

^gerry connolly s social media intern/former golf caddie

Be me heading into DC

Unholy wet fart

Smelled awful

Everyone around is noticing

Look at Hindu sitting nearby

Tilt my head in their direction

Everyone nods

Nigger says out loud to her "yous some nasty people"

Mushrooms do it for me, I always have hours of gas from just eating a few.

Like someone above said, if I'm in public I try and hold it until I get near someone fat, then shift the attention to them.

My dream would be to eat a whole carton of mushrooms on the day I went to visit Auschwitz.

Unit 8 Wrote:
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> Be me heading into DC
>
> Unholy wet fart
>
> Smelled awful
>
> Everyone around is noticing
>
> Look at Hindu sitting nearby
>
> Tilt my head in their direction
>
> Everyone nods
>
> Nigger says out loud to her "yous some nasty
> people"

Your post was like ancient Japanese haiku.....Wonderful....

I will AVOID the metro station sponsored by CHIPOTLE!

getting on a elevator by yourself, shitting your pants and having other people get on at another level. They are trapped into breathing in your shit molecules!

and there was an ugly lady that seemed to be following me. Every time I went down an isle she was in the way. I decided to go 4 isles over to avoid running into her. She must have followed me! I had gas, but it was the kind where you're afraid to shit your pants if you go full open throttle. I said fuck it and let it rip. A little juice slid out at the end. She came around the corner and got all up in my personal space. I heard her gag a little! It was one of the most satisfying things I've ever done to another person!

Only faggots ride the Metro...and only faggots make silent farts. The straight man's fart has a concussive overtone because the butt cheeks slam together. The faggots' distended rectums don't permit that.

I was at Walmart the other day Wrote:
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> and there was an ugly lady that seemed to be
> following me. Every time I went down an isle she
> was in the way. I decided to go 4 isles over to
> avoid running into her. She must have followed me!
> I had gas, but it was the kind where you're afraid
> to shit your pants if you go full open throttle. I
> said fuck it and let it rip. A little juice slid
> out at the end. She came around the corner and got
> all up in my personal space. I heard her gag a
> little! It was one of the most satisfying things
> I've ever done to another person!

William is back at the keyboards again.
DAJAX