Am I ruining my children's lives by wanting to be loved by them?

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/education/wp/2015/10/16/former-stanford-dean-explains-why-helicopter-parenting-is-ruining-a-generation-of-children/

I have watched a lot of friends who raised their kids helicopter style. The little shits can't even tie their shoelaces.
"spare the stick and spoil the child".

That NSSE survey, for example, didn’t find a lot of helicopter-parenting going on, but where it was taking place, such students actually reported “higher levels of [academic] engagement and more frequent use of deep learning activities.” Jillian Kinzie, a researcher involved with that project, confessed that when she saw those results, her first reaction was, “This can’t be right. We have to go back and look at this again.” But the benefits did indeed prove impressive. As the survey’s director, George Kuh, told a reporter, “Compared with their counterparts, children of helicopter parents were more satisfied with every aspect of their college experience, gained more in such areas as writing and critical thinking, and were more likely to talk with faculty and peers about substantive topics.” Meanwhile, in the 2012 study of grown children, “frequent parental involvement, including a wide range of support, was associated with better well-being for young adults.”

I am the victim of my parents over protective ways, just sayin

You sound like somone who turned out to be just a loser despite all your parents best efforts. These things happen. Sucks to be you, I guess.

I raised my kids A-10 style.

I swoop out of nowhere when they least expect it, strafe when needed to keep them in line and have a growl on my face even at rest that makes them think twice about messing with the old man.

Family time is always the best, because I did not try to be their "Pal" and let them run the house. We always were camping, hiking and going on interesting vacations and doing enough school and community activities to stay connected, but not overwhelmed with every detail of life.

Love to see them carrying on the family value as well.

Worked out very well for us. We have intelligent kids who are well rounded with wonderful families and careers and outdoor activities.

raised my kids Sukhoi Su-35 style.



I swoop out of nowhere and flank them when they least expect it, bomb them when needed to keep them in line and have a growl on my face even at rest that makes them think twice about messing with the old man.

Most FCPS parents and school administrator.

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Attachments:

Get away and go to College, or just leave, they go Ape Shit with the new found freedom and Take up Bungee Jumping, Rock Climbing with no ropes, Jumping bikes off ramps doing summersaults, White Water kayak going over 25 ft high waterfalls, Drinking and smoking themselves into a stupor, fighting with police , all kinds of crazy stuff

DAJAX

I might agree with the idea that many of the colleges are at least partially to "blame" in creating helicopter parents, whereby, the kids that look good on paper are the ones accepted.

In order to look good on paper, it doesn't really require a child's creativity, smarts and energy, it requires an adult who has been around the block a time or two to channel those things into a kid that looks good on paper.

And then the adult goes a little into overdrive, with a little extra pushing.

As a "mid-age adult" I tried to get into a couple of "competitive schools" after not doing so well in high school...but, I had years of high level work experience (at least ten years), and, I had completed around 45 hrs of course work in various subjects (but all business/science/high level writing related...no basketweaving) at a community college, in an "eclectic fashion".

In those 45 hours, I had pretty much all A's and B's. But it was not an associates degree or anything like that. Just classes here and there.

Couldn't get into a few "high level" colleges, simply because, it seems to me, they were interested in padding their stats, such as incoming GPA, etc...

I would have run circles around those kids...with all the work experience and coursework. Plus my maturity. I was done partying. I would have been paying for this on my own.

I could have taught a few of the intro level business courses with my work experience, I'm sure.

But couldn't get in...wasn't "polished" enough, I guess.

So, helicopter parents, helicopter away. Even though they are a pain in the a**. Some kids need it,unfortunately.

I guess that's why most of my neighbors all have their 20 to 35 year olds still living at home with them , what a joke. What is interesting is a few have the ability to go out and breed but then bring the spawn back for Mom to ruin.

My parents screwed me up by giving me too much money. I never really had any challenges in my life because both my parents were standing by with their checkbooks trying to outgive each other. They are gone now and I live in their basement and rent the rest of the house to GMU kids. I have never done a hard days work in my life. Im over 40 now and although I went to college I have no job skills, just have a big pile of money. I am a victim.

County kid Wrote:
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> My parents screwed me up by giving me too much
> money. I never really had any challenges in my
> life because both my parents were standing by with
> their checkbooks trying to outgive each other.
> They are gone now and I live in their basement and
> rent the rest of the house to GMU kids. I have
> never done a hard days work in my life. Im over 40
> now and although I went to college I have no job
> skills, just have a big pile of money. I am a
> victim.

A tool maybe , but not a victim. too much money, that's a good one.

go out and get a life Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I guess that's why most of my neighbors all have
> their 20 to 35 year olds still living at home with
> them , what a joke. What is interesting is a few
> have the ability to go out and breed but then
> bring the spawn back for Mom to ruin.

Sounds like you might live in a sh***y neighborhood?

blame yourself? Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> go out and get a life Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > I guess that's why most of my neighbors all
> have
> > their 20 to 35 year olds still living at home
> with
> > them , what a joke. What is interesting is a
> few
> > have the ability to go out and breed but then
> > bring the spawn back for Mom to ruin.
>
> Sounds like you might live in a sh***y
> neighborhood?

Actually they have too much money which allows them to let their slug children to continue to lay around.

When you say "well rounded kids", do you mean they are fat and sit at the computer all night. Sounds like some Nazi parents out there.
Kids need to find out about life on there own.

yess Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> blame yourself? Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > go out and get a life Wrote:
> >
> --------------------------------------------------
>
> > -----
> > > I guess that's why most of my neighbors all
> > have
> > > their 20 to 35 year olds still living at home
> > with
> > > them , what a joke. What is interesting is a
> > few
> > > have the ability to go out and breed but then
> > > bring the spawn back for Mom to ruin.
> >
> > Sounds like you might live in a sh***y
> > neighborhood?
>
> Actually they have too much money which allows
> them to let their slug children to continue to lay
> around.


Too much compared to what?

An upper class neighborhood where kids go on to Ivy League and other good colleges, and have something to live up to, so therefore they go to good colleges and get good jobs?

Too much money compared to that?

Or, too much money compared to some sh***Y neighborhood, where the parents really did nothing themselves except be able to afford some little crackerbox with a basement...but other than that really gave their kids nothing to live up, so they come right back home and start that cycle of no achievement all over again?

That one?

hmmm.

which one Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> yess Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > blame yourself? Wrote:
> >
> --------------------------------------------------
>
> > -----
> > > go out and get a life Wrote:
> > >
> >
> --------------------------------------------------
>
> >
> > > -----
> > > > I guess that's why most of my neighbors all
> > > have
> > > > their 20 to 35 year olds still living at
> home
> > > with
> > > > them , what a joke. What is interesting is
> a
> > > few
> > > > have the ability to go out and breed but
> then
> > > > bring the spawn back for Mom to ruin.
> > >
> > > Sounds like you might live in a sh***y
> > > neighborhood?
> >
> > Actually they have too much money which allows
> > them to let their slug children to continue to
> lay
> > around.
>
>
> Too much compared to what?
>
> An upper class neighborhood where kids go on to
> Ivy League and other good colleges, and have
> something to live up to, so therefore they go to
> good colleges and get good jobs?
>
> Too much money compared to that?
>
> Or, too much money compared to some sh***Y
> neighborhood, where the parents really did nothing
> themselves except be able to afford some little
> crackerbox with a basement...but other than that
> really gave their kids nothing to live up, so they
> come right back home and start that cycle of no
> achievement all over again?
>
> That one?
>
> hmmm.

You can go ahead and guess dicklick