We've got two families now living on our street who each have one young child. One family has a 6 yo boy and the other a 4 yo girl. The parents in both families hardly ever watch the kids when they are outside. Those kids are in the street, in other yards, around the corner, etc.

Last evening, the boy's mother got frantic when he didn't come when she called for him. So my wife and our neighbhor helped track him down in literally about 20 seconds. Turns out he was in another kid's back yard, so in the end it wasn't a big deal. But afterward I was told them "fuck it, don't help them - this is like the 30th time this year that she can't find him". The girl - that kid is always riding her little powerwheel in the street, climbing trees, etc. Most of the time completely unsupervised.

I guess my question is: on a regular basis, would any of you feel some level of ownership for kids who aren't your own if the parents are clearly less than responsible? Or am I just coldhearted to think that if shit happens, it's on them?

__________________________________
That's not a ladybug, that's a cannapiller.

Nah, too much caring comes and goes. And, the pendulum swings back to the opposite side ...And, it's the decisions they've made not to do nothing.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/02/2012 11:42AM by Juxtaposition.

You feel what you feel. It's what you think that matters. You seem a good person,but you aren't helping that family when you assume responsibility for the parents. Maybe a lady in the neighborhood can talk to the mother and find out if she's overwhelmed. You don't live next to octomom,do you?

Here's some enlightened self-interest for you. If you own your house, and some kid is kidnapped, raped, or murdered in your neighborhood, how much of a hit will your property's value take?

Or, here's another scenario: the kid gets creamed riding in the street, and the distraught parents sell their house at a loss to an absentee landlord who then rents it out to someone who gives not a shit about the property or the neighborhood and maybe even takes in a few boarders to help them make their rent payments.

You're not protecting the other person's kids, you're protecting your neighborhood, which I assume you want to be a nice, safe place to live.

That's why you keep an eye on the neighbor's kids.

Write them an anonymous note explaining how things look to others.

Hay Zeus Wrote:
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> Write them an anonymous note explaining how things
> look to others.


It wont help, trash is trash. The mother was probably inside watching Dr Oz or something. Cant be bothered raising her kid.

I have several in my neighborhood the kids roam around until 9pm or later. You try to help them out by keeping them out of the street but in the end it wears you down. I keep a closer watch on my dog than these people do on their own kids.

I have a similar situation with a neighbor's dog. Obviously its not the same as a kid but there are some parallels. The neighbors always let this dog roam the neighborhood. The neighbors are nice enough people and the dog is not hostile (and my dog plays with him all the time) but I am worried that he will get hit by a car.

I use to pick up the dog whenever I'd see him and drive him home. The neighbors would thank me for doing so...and the next day the dog would be roaming the neighborhood again. Eventually it dawned on me that the people had made a decision to let their dog roam and if something bad happened, while tragic, would be on them, and there was little I could do. I stopped driving the dog home.

Regarding your situation; I would look out for them when you see them outside and warn their parents if you see potential danger but otherwise don't lose your peace of mind over somebody else's decision. If something bad happens it won't be on you, IMO.

I'd have mixed feelings. The kid doesn't know any better, and it's hard to think of him/her suffering for the parent's irresponsibility. It's hard to do, but it sounds like it's time to have a chat with the parents in an honest, but well-meaning way.

By the way, I find it interesting that most people assume that responsibility for the kid falls on the mother. If there's a father in the picture, he needs to step up to the plate.

Yeah, unfortunately if you have a conscious you kind of find yourself caring and doing things for people you aren't doing them for themselves(or their kids).

If it's 13 year olds smoking or a young boy and a girl making out, it's one thing to be that nosey neighbor. But young kids like you're talking about are something different entirely and it doesn't sound like your going to just "mind your own" and let them get endangered.

The problem obviously isn't so much the kids but the parents,and you need to really consider their psychological profile and what the best way to bring them up on this shit without going out and calling them the negiligent losers they most likely are.

idontlikebeingrightaboutshitlikethisbutiam



Edited 21 time(s). Last edit at 5/31/1967 05:57AM by WingNut.

Last edit at 11/30/2015 01:37PM Last edit at 5/14/2015 03:52PM Last edit at 1/28/2014 05:57AM Last edit at 11/29/2015 01:10PM Last edit at 3/14/2011 11:52PM Last edit at 7/20/2012 04:07AM
Last edit at 6/29/2013 11:18PM Last edit at 3/19/2011 01:02PM Last edit at 3/26/2012 09:07PM



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/17/2015 09:00AM by WingNut.

Tough Choice Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I'd have mixed feelings. The kid doesn't know any
> better, and it's hard to think of him/her
> suffering for the parent's irresponsibility. It's
> hard to do, but it sounds like it's time to have a
> chat with the parents in an honest, but
> well-meaning way.
>
> By the way, I find it interesting that most people
> assume that responsibility for the kid falls on
> the mother. If there's a father in the picture, he
> needs to step up to the plate.


LOL, both of the dads are total douchebags. I don't even want to talk to them. One is just a loser, the other is some self important military guy who thinks his son is a genius and can do no wrong.

One neighbor (female) is the opposite of me, she can't sit by and see this time and time again without saying something. She's talked to the moms and they basically said "thanks, but we've got this under control". That's where my fuck it attitude comes in - you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink.

At least if one of these numbnuts' kids get hurt on one of our properties while being unsupervised, there is no shortage of character witnesses to stand up in a lawsuit and point out that it has been an issue. I'd throw these fucks under the bus in no time flat.

__________________________________
That's not a ladybug, that's a cannapiller.

seen it all Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Hay Zeus Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > Write them an anonymous note explaining how
> things
> > look to others.
>
>
> It wont help, trash is trash. The mother was
> probably inside watching Dr Oz or something. Cant
> be bothered raising her kid.
>
> I have several in my neighborhood the kids roam
> around until 9pm or later. You try to help them
> out by keeping them out of the street but in the
> end it wears you down. I keep a closer watch on my
> dog than these people do on their own kids.

You must live in either Herndon, Springfield or Burke?

If the kids are acting unsafely (playing in the road, etc) then the point that you decide you should give up is probably the point that some authority should be notified. If not the police, then some county office charged with child protection. I don't know what that is, but if you are a property owner then you're paying for them.

Maybe jot down some dates and times and circumstances you observed of the children doing things off their home property unsupervised. Then forward that to either the police or the county with a note about your concern for the safety of the children.

If you know where the kid is and the parents do not and they get "frantic" looking for them, I'm kind of with you in not helping the parent find them. Let them sweat out the "missing child" feeling and maybe they'll right their own course. If not, the authorities may be able to help them.

There are other concerns as well... as an adult male unfortunately I have to consider what may happen if I try to render assistance to a child. People will be quick to call the cops these days and I'll lose my home in lawyer fees saying I was trying to help and NOT abduct someone's kid. It is sad our society now has to weigh something like that, but I don't intend to go to jail due to some breeder's negligence and I'm sorry the kids were born into "that" family that doesn't care about them.

Remember one thing.
No good deed goes unpunished.
You're likely to someday deeply regret ever being involved with these people.

Warhawk Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------

> LOL, both of the dads are total douchebags. I
> don't even want to talk to them. One is just a
> loser, the other is some self important military
> guy who thinks his son is a genius and can do no
> wrong.





He must be a field grade officer, right? Does he have a blue DOD decal on the windshield?

Warhawk Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> We've got two families now living on our street
> who each have one young child. One family has a 6
> yo boy and the other a 4 yo girl. The parents in
> both families hardly ever watch the kids when they
> are outside. Those kids are in the street, in
> other yards, around the corner, etc.
>
> Last evening, the boy's mother got frantic when he
> didn't come when she called for him. So my wife
> and our neighbhor helped track him down in
> literally about 20 seconds. Turns out he was in
> another kid's back yard, so in the end it wasn't a
> big deal. But afterward I was told them "fuck it,
> don't help them - this is like the 30th time this
> year that she can't find him". The girl - that
> kid is always riding her little powerwheel in the
> street, climbing trees, etc. Most of the time
> completely unsupervised.
>
> I guess my question is: on a regular basis, would
> any of you feel some level of ownership for kids
> who aren't your own if the parents are clearly
> less than responsible? Or am I just coldhearted
> to think that if shit happens, it's on them?


Fences make good neighbors.

Back in the day, we lived anywhere but in our own houses. Knew more about what the neighbors where having for dinner or who's uncle had pneumonia than we did our own.

Those days are gone. Neighbors only really talk to one another now through their attorneys and only then when one of their kids turns up missing or they don't like the shade of paint you've picked for your front door.

That said........my wife and I constantly yell at the neighbor kids when we see them doing something wrong. Half stop whatever it is and learn from the experience. The other half learn to avoid us when they're doing stupid stuff.

Vexxxed Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Warhawk Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > We've got two families now living on our street
> > who each have one young child. One family has a
> 6
> > yo boy and the other a 4 yo girl. The parents
> in
> > both families hardly ever watch the kids when
> they
> > are outside. Those kids are in the street, in
> > other yards, around the corner, etc.
> >
> > Last evening, the boy's mother got frantic when
> he
> > didn't come when she called for him. So my wife
> > and our neighbhor helped track him down in
> > literally about 20 seconds. Turns out he was
> in
> > another kid's back yard, so in the end it wasn't
> a
> > big deal. But afterward I was told them "fuck
> it,
> > don't help them - this is like the 30th time
> this
> > year that she can't find him". The girl - that
> > kid is always riding her little powerwheel in
> the
> > street, climbing trees, etc. Most of the time
> > completely unsupervised.
> >
> > I guess my question is: on a regular basis,
> would
> > any of you feel some level of ownership for
> kids
> > who aren't your own if the parents are clearly
> > less than responsible? Or am I just
> coldhearted
> > to think that if shit happens, it's on them?
>
>
> Fences make good neighbors.
>
> Back in the day, we lived anywhere but in our own
> houses. Knew more about what the neighbors where
> having for dinner or who's uncle had pneumonia
> than we did our own.
>
> Those days are gone. Neighbors only really talk
> to one another now through their attorneys and
> only then when one of their kids turns up missing
> or they don't like the shade of paint you've
> picked for your front door.
>
> That said........my wife and I constantly yell at
> the neighbor kids when we see them doing something
> wrong. Half stop whatever it is and learn from
> the experience. The other half learn to avoid us
> when they're doing stupid stuff.

I hate when people misuse Robert Frost. If you didn't read the poem ( which is obvious), fences DON'T make good neighbors. That's the point of the poem. I have a headache. I have to lie down now.

Warhawk Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> We've got two families now living on our street
> who each have one young child. One family has a 6
> yo boy and the other a 4 yo girl. The parents in
> both families hardly ever watch the kids when they
> are outside. Those kids are in the street, in
> other yards, around the corner, etc.
>
> Last evening, the boy's mother got frantic when he
> didn't come when she called for him. So my wife
> and our neighbhor helped track him down in
> literally about 20 seconds. Turns out he was in
> another kid's back yard, so in the end it wasn't a
> big deal. But afterward I was told them "fuck it,
> don't help them - this is like the 30th time this
> year that she can't find him". The girl - that
> kid is always riding her little powerwheel in the
> street, climbing trees, etc. Most of the time
> completely unsupervised.
>
> I guess my question is: on a regular basis, would
> any of you feel some level of ownership for kids
> who aren't your own if the parents are clearly
> less than responsible? Or am I just coldhearted
> to think that if shit happens, it's on them?

Unless you see the kid doing something blatantly stupid like dancing on a downed power line or poking a strange dog in the face with a stick, you're not responsible. That's not saying you can't be a good neighbor and hope they'd tell your kid to be careful if the situation was reversed, but that's more a matter of courtesy, not responsibility.

If they start climbing trees or doing stupid shit on your property, that's a different story.

--------------------------------------------------------------
13 4826 0948 82695 25847. Yes.

Priapus Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I hate when people misuse Robert Frost. If you
> didn't read the poem ( which is obvious), fences
> DON'T make good neighbors. That's the point of the
> poem. I have a headache. I have to lie down now.


I hate it when pompous English lit majors drag their shit into my posts.

What I wrote was exactly what I meant. Did I attribute this supposed quote to Frost?


A man is rich in proportion to the number of things he can afford to let alone.

Henry David Thoreau

I am glad that I had a lot of independence when I was a child. I spent most of my time outside and unsupervised. But not at four years old. And I'm guessing not at six either.

I am anti-helicopter parents. But this sounds like it is bordering on negligence.

Sorry you have to deal with it...

You're not responsible for these kids, so any help you've given their families is just you being nice. You're under no obligation to do any of it. It's really just a matter of how you want to handle the relationship with your neighbors, how friendly or confrontational you want it to be.

I barely talk to my neighbors, and as long as their kids stay out of my yard and don't touch my stuff I ignore them. Because I didn't get all friendly with them they don't come asking me for help with stuff, either. Sometimes being antisocial pays off. At least one of my neighbors is a complete douchebag who has spent time in jail and likes to get drunk and start shit with people; I don't speak a word to that prick. The less he sees or thinks of me the less I have to deal with him.