Do your own homework, he mentioned it again about a week ago...Learn to listen

He went back and forth with us basement dwellers for an entire afternoon when he got into the "drinky-wink" early!

892...Semper Fat
Attachments:

892...Semper Peekza.

onward to 893

.
Attachments:

I'll do you one better: take a look see at the New Orleans pre-show gathering. You know, the one where the boys kissed SDM's ring while he passed out klubber gifts to Spewak and Pony? You just might hear Mike utter the fateful words, Fairfax Underground. Boooooo, hisssss!

But also, try to remember OaktonWhineShop's dumb cubed characterization of this thread and relax a bit.

Kudos, Blobb. You always "make me giggle."

That video is classic. What a group of losers.

Blobb, great pic!

So Mike is upset that the lady wanted "Whiter" music. To the point of preaching to Blobb that he should have confronted her. Isn't that pretty close to saying the beach was getting darker?

nog cock Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Post show numbers and times when the fat drunk
> baby talks about this thread, pizza you stupid
> fucking faggot.


The only thing worse than people not posting show dates and times to content they are referring to is when they respond to a post (from two months ago) without quoting it so everyone is left wondering what the fuck they are talking about. Happens all the time on the old photos thread.

As a plus, there was no mailbag this week due to the short week...Only one this month so far...THANK GOD

LFF also mentioned this thread when he made the (one of his millions) old man mistake of confusing views with posts. Said this thread had over a million posts. He really is a moron.

Ive been listening to some old don and mike shows on paintyourbaldspot. Its incredible how dumb he was even back then, I just never noticed. Think my favourite was when they were playing some game where the guys had to write their answers onto a paper. Mike spelled one of his answers incorrectly and super Dave (the show tard, not Osborne) spelled the word correctly. Mike went nearly mute for the remainder of the show. He wanted to go full Mike but Don would've bitch slapped him, so he just quietly fumed. It was amazing.

Wife fell off again, cut her forehead on the vanity and as usual sprayed hot liquid shit everywhere. Sooo happy I decided on tile for the floors walls and ceiling in the new bathroom. That and the hose with floordrain and sewer grinder and clean up is so easy.

Soon the master will be finished with steel toilet and full tile and floor drain too. My wife should be more careful.

No comments about Carla and Mike's fight over his plan to golf on Valentines Day? As he left the bedroom in anger, she ended up telling him, that's right, go feed your fat face. Credit to you, Mike, for sharing. That's your best show prep since the original Full Mike and the dirty pan story years ago.

With apologies to his second wife, Carla should certainly know that as a father and husband, he's a great golfer.

TMOS is the Bestest Ever! Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> No comments about Carla and Mike's fight over his
> plan to golf on Valentines Day? As he left the
> bedroom in anger, she ended up telling him, that's
> right, go feed your fat face. Credit to you, Mike,
> for sharing. That's your best show prep since the
> original Full Mike and the dirty pan story years
> ago.
>
> With apologies to his second wife, Carla should
> certainly know that as a father and husband, he's
> a great golfer.

One of the few times I've been disappointed by Oscar...He totally let Mike off the hook

Brought here by SDM and Mike's comments. Long term TMOS guy...

Bonus#351....Total BS. Mike's preaching about raising his son to respect women? Let’s go back to D&M…Strippers…Dildo masks…Three wives due to golf and owning a failed bar that over served under age women to try to survive?

Marrying a dimwit redneck made a lot of sense. Stirring the soup really showed how Mike respected women!!!

Little Mike. Play Hockey. Be like Mike. Dilley Dilley!

Monkey see, monkey do...Lil Mikey is doomed to repeat the mistakes of his father

Hi guys,

Another poem from the big guy himself. "I Kicked Football"


Let me tell ya why I’m singin’ ..Let me tell ya why I’m proud. ..I just freed a part a me ..And I had to buck the crowd.
I had to walk out on a love ..That used to rule my head ..I had to turn my back on action ..I could never get in bed.
Yes ..I kicked FOOTBALL ..I even kicked T.V. ..I’m takin’ back my primetime ..And spending it on ME.
I kicked FOOTBALL ..Took back possession of my life. ..I intercepted my existence ..Now I scrimmage ..with my WIFE.
‘Cause let me tell ya ’bout my woman ..Let me tell ya why she’s proud.
Since we kicked the FOOTBALL habit ..We don’t have to talk SO LOUD.
Now we’re talkin’ to each other ..Sometimes even face to face.
Now I watch her shift her backfield ..And I try to guess her plays.
I’m catchin’ all her passes ..And we’re goin’ down ..and out.
I’m scorin’ more’n whole DREAM TEAMS ..In motion ..more ‘n DONALD’S MOUTH.
I kicked FOOTBALL ..I even kicked T.V. ..When YOU kick FOOTBALL ..your entire LIFE is FREE !!
I kicked FOOTBALL ..and I’m on my feet again ..It was a close game all the way ..But I was HOME ..and HAD to WIN !!
For the first few days ..I got the shakes ..And was gonna turn back on
I was hallucinatin’ draw plays ..Half-back options ..and long bombs.
My dreams were green with hashmarks ..And they replayed in my brain.
Once I even tried to screw ..The t.v. cable in my vein !
But I’m o.k. now. ..I’m proud to be ..a FOOTBALL-AHOLIC cured. ..Except when I see a t.v. set ..And then I ain’t so sure
That ..I kicked FOOTBALL ? ..That I even kicked T.V. ..I’m takin’ back my primetime ? ..And spendin’ it on me ?
I kicked FOOTBALL ? ..What the Hell ..will I tell ..the guys? ..It somehow seems unpatriotic ..Like I should apologize.
But here’s your sports report sound bite ..from behind the scenes ..and on the insides.
“The two sticks ..in the endzone ..Are the only things ..about PRO FOOTBALL
That COULD be described ..as ..the least bit ..Solidly grounded ..and UPRIGHT.
And ..as soon as the cheerleader chicks ..Who also pole dance ..get hip ..
And Put 2 & 2 together ..Goal Pole Strippers ..will be the standard halftime show.
And the NFL will cancel boring snorers ..like Madonna ..and Stevie Nix.”
And it’s not just the point after. ..It’s the whole game ..that needs to be FIXED.
But I think that it is ..and here’s the gist of this.
PRO BALL is a soap opera ..on steroids ..with thousands of groupies ..a host of gropers..and dozens of dirty tricks.
It’s Date-line and CSI ..with Cheaters thrown in the mix.
It’s a casino where you can’t get even ..Becuz everything is odd ..Like that coin ..that refused to FLIP.
It’s the only show in town ..that draws celebrities ..AND hicks.
It’s like a red carpet ..for Duck Dynasty ..It’s pageantry ..followed by schtick.
It’s painted faces like it’s Halloween ..Then our country’s colors ..presented ..By straight-faced Marines.
It’s the National Anthem …by some fancy singer ..Traditionally followed ..by air horns ..and the finger.
The T.V. analysts are in coats and ties ..But the fans behind ..are all HALF-NAKED.
It’s always HALF-TIME in AMERICA
If you’re not somebody kids ..just wear the jersey of someone who is ..It’s our favorite play ..the FAKE IT.
So it’s also ..ALL about the locker room ..Making adjustments ..by what the spies have heard ..or seen.
Identifying where there’s an unplugged HOLE in the RULES ..they can drive a truck right thru ..for THE TEAM !!
If the world won’t hand you the ball ..the NFL teaches ..you just have to TAKE IT !!
Now as far as the fishy O-FISH-IATING goes ..No one ..fur sure knows ..What the friggin’ rules ARE ..these days.
We’ve stopped countin’ the times GOODELL ..has “fumbled the ball” ..And he still has “possession” ..and is “calling the plays”.
When is HE ..gonna be ..taught his lesson ..ya’ll ? ..What IS the official Football Rule Book ?…Shades of Grey ?
And the league just gets more pumped ..and publicly more praised ..Is everybody Crazed ?
Now about this FANTASY football. If I’m havin’ a fantasy ..it’s gonna be with cheerleaders ..in tights ..that’s getting pursued.
There’s gonna be more fronts ..and way less backs. ..in them cut-up tops ..and ..stretchy-pants.
Continued on Gallagher.com & joycomedytour on fb
Football isn’t mathematical ..And it darn sure ain’t magical ..It’s just eleven dudes.
They’ll stomp on your heart ..with cleated feet ..’Till you feel like me ..so used.
As I’ve stated ..I’m DEFLATED ..First ..my cable man is gonna get sued.
Them ..and their trade school henchmen ..For making this fatal connection.
For bringing NFL FOOTBALL ..into .. my home ..dimension ..For me ..to be ..then ..domestically ..abused.
Ulrasounds of my bare fan needs ..Show I have major hyperextension.
NFL FOOTBALL..don’t say you were blindsided ..I’ve told you clearly ..of my intentions.
I have a major gaseous spasm ..In my team ..enthusiasm ..and my hometown spirit ..is deeply bruised.
And NOW ..by decree..of ME ..and after all team videos ..have been thoroughly ..reviewed ..and reviewed.
NFL ..Go to Hell ..Your option will not be picked up ..Your contract will not be renewed.
In other words ..In my personal life ..You’re excluded ..from bein’ a thing included ..What was welcome before ..will now ..privately intrude.
I AM ..lord of my own home .. and castle. ..And I don’t cow tow.. to division crowns.
And I sure don’t need your hassles ..The NFL has had more downs
Than all the player’s girlfriend’s ..have popped.
From my seat in the end zone ..I’d say ..Your final drive ..has just been stopped.
But from my men’s den ..deep in MANLAND ..As I’ve watched
Men destroy their physique ..and youth ..I shouldn’t have been sittin’ …with my feet propped
‘Cuz ..now ..the doctors say ..MY vertebrae .. are fused.
When they said they wanna operate .. I told ‘um ..I had the NFL package ..I’ve already been Major Leaguely screwed.
Further the more ..I have no interest ..in Pinterest ..Posting pictures of me ..enjoyin’ my ringside seating
Or me bein’ ..at the octagon ..with my sweetie ..tweeting.
‘Cuz I’m totally sports ..TAPPED OUT ..It’s not like me to prattle ..
But Football ..if you’d-ah ..Just loved me back ..We would’t even ..Be having.. this fan battle.
But I just KNOW ..if teams could make deals for fans ..They’d a traded us all away ..yesterday ..For Oakland’s ..or Seattle’s.
So go on NFL ..and hug your lover ..ESPN. ..What’s a viewer to conclude?
Who ..besides yourselves ..did you delude ? ..You two connive ..contrive ..collude.
You’re as bad as ..The Republicans ..And their ..partisan paramour ..FOX’s Nightly ..nearly slightly ..nude ..news.
It’s not even worth going into ..I’m just plain ..out OF ..the FOOTBALL ..mood.
It’s like the sport was a munchy crunchy snack food.
And I’ve finally had my fill of THAT box ..Of Super Duper Physically-Assaulted Jocks.
I need to get my head out of your Astroturf ..And get my feet ..back on the ground
Before you want me to do ALL that bend-overing ..That goes with ..my annual ..Superbowl ..jerk around.
Football or strip ..it’s still a men’s club ..KA-CHING.
For DA BUCKS is what and why they’re all there ..To see ..in the marketplace ..what a FAN can bare.
If it ain’t extortion ..It’s “some kinda criminal thing”
A FAN can either have ..A whole year’s house leasing ..Or a season ticket freezing
Your butt ..sittin’ in a tortuous ..with one bad arm like most late season quarterbacks ..molded brittle little plastic chair.
Instead of throwin’ my life savings away ..I’ll Tailgate ..in my own ..dang driveway.
Where I’ll spend only half ..a season ticket older money ..On good beer ..fine wine.
And ..instead of hamburger ..filet ..mignon ..steaks.
I’m tired a-lookin’ at 300 pound linemen ..all that premium priced beef ..And I only have money left
For these CHEAP SEAT CHIPS ..That even ..not THAT ..thick a dip ..breaks.
For what I’ve spent on FOOTBALL ..I added it up ..what I coulda had
A full-time chauffeured golf cart ..For when I wanna get taken back
And wanna quit ..playin’ any kind of ball games ..”Just ..me fast ..to my pippin’ ..hot ..Swedish ..whirlpool bath.
Becuz ..unlike your star players ..I …never ..go lame ..I go first class.
A la your Blue Chip ..Sky-high priced ..Sky Box ..luxury suite lackeys
Who spend the company’s non-deductible ..ill-gotten gains …and corporate graft
For pocket-like protection …from “their own” stockholders.
Even Big Business ..it seems ..follows NFL’s idea of natural selection
They think ..”With what our corporation spends ..of THEIR stockholder money
We shouldn’t have to stand in line ..with “the likes of THEM ..for what? ..Nachos..a dog ..and a draft ?
When we can afford Hooter-girl-served ..hot hors d’ouervres ? ..And ..if that’s ..not enuf ..tacky.
It’s all COMPLIMENTS ..of former Presidential hopeful ..and New York Governor ..PATAKI !!
Today he’s out of his coat and tie. ..Just a regular guy ..In HIS team jersey ..hat ..and khaki’s.
Ain’t this wacky ? ..Is everybody ..who can AFFORD it ..happy?
GO TEAM ..GIMME
The center ..the guard ..the tackle ..and ..THE END xxxxxxxxxxxx
ooooooooooo
Attachments:

More credit to Mike -- he acknowledged the least surprising thing about him -- he doesn't listen to Tony Perkins podcast or other MORE shows. OK, he lied a bit, he says he listens on occasion.

Too too busy to listen to ONE TP Show (featuring Gary Stein!) per week, ONE Rob and Joe Show per week, O'MearaCast (OK, he gets a pass), Tech 411 (another pass, but only 8 shows last year) and Cake and Cookies (yet another pass, but no shows since November).

So good on TP for taking on a daily radio gig with Donnie S. (and still doing some local TV news), Mike's schedule simply wouldn't permit him to take on any more. He has a pre-K kid! And a thriving voiceover biz! But he's also happy to accept gift cards, Masters trips, etc. from Kappy and the Klubbers; it's how he feeds his fat face!

Gallagher is my favorite comedian!
Attachments:

Speaking of OMearaCast, Spewak opined that their New Orleans slide show presentation was on a par with what Colbert does.

SHABOOM!

As the kids used to say, "pix or it didn't happen"

Links to shows and times that TMOS discussed FFXU or it didn't happen. Go post in the shit thread, you fucking nog faggot, pizza.

I'm perfectly fine with you thinking it didn't happen...The rest of us know the truth

nog cock Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> As the kids used to say, "pix or it didn't
> happen"
>
> Links to shows and times that TMOS discussed FFXU
> or it didn't happen. Go post in the shit thread,
> you fucking nog faggot, pizza.

How about you provide dates and times you spend thinking about/here on FFXU?

I can do that math for him...24/7/365

sure thing nigger faggot

Just my quarterly reminder to the TMOS krew:

Fellows, laughing uproariously at your own jokes does not make them funnier.

Using yourselves as your own laugh-track is bad enough without pretending like you are crying because Robb's latest pun is the funniest thing you have ever heard.

nog cock Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> sure thing nigger faggot


AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Mike does it again. Here's the new intern, Jessica.

Minutes later, he calls her Cindy.

Didn't he start by calling her Abigail or something? Strong the brain damage is with this one. What an embarrassment to the Irish and drinkers and Democrats and failed restaurateurs and gamblers and golfers and former club deejays.

SDM is making buttons!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What a tool! And, he wants Oscar's analytics. Oscar"No, you phsyco, go away".

I need your input. I'm getting some buttons made up that say, "Ask me about TMOS." I want to come up with maybe 5 sentences that sum up the podcast and encourage someone to listen. I've got a request into Oscar for the number of downloads since Dec '09. That might show how popular it is. That would be one of the five statements.

1. It's a good hate listen.
2. It's fanclub is a bunch of mongoloids.
3. Catching Brain Damage forgetting information in five seconds is fun.
4. Best sounding podcast in the universe except when the board op fucks up.
5. Pony's asides.

6. Extra credit: It's free because only an idiot would buy the Bonus Show.

ASCAP/BMI is clamping down these days.. Especially on pods.... Wonder if they have a hotline?

6. Extra credit: It's free because only an idiot would buy the Bonus Show.

-I use a friends log in. I bet there is ten using it...

More from SDM.....Walking around town with his TMOS button!!!! His new name "Button Man"!


s McIntire These are 5 things that you want to tell someone when they say, "What's TMOS?".

Stephen Douglas McIntire I can't talk to them for 5 minutes about the show, they'd get turned off. I have to tell them something short and to the point that will make them want to get their phone and google, The Mike O'Meara Show.

Listen: I was fooling around with my wife last night. I noticed she hadn't shaved her pits in a while. As I gently began tickling the stubble, she jokingly called it her "pepper."

Post-coitus, our discussion turned - as it often does - to Gallagher. Her earlier pepper comment got me thinking of using G's comedy and jokes as conversational spices: accents, flavor, and piquancy that one could add to "pepper" daily conversion to amuse and instruct. Kind of like sprinkling a small airline-size packet of erudition across your dialogue.

And sadly, one is probably going to be unable to recite "Cupid Pits LoverBoy Versus the Earth" (https://www.gallaghersmash.com/cupid-pits-loverboy-versus-earth) while ordering a burger in a drive-through, or while paying at a tollbooth - but you certainly have time to drop a casual Gallagherian witticism in those situations.

Towards that end, I've put together a list of some succinct G-man nuggets below. You all know them, sure, but here they are in one place for easy use.

Enjoy, and spice up your life.

1. Living in California is like living in a bowl of granola; what ain't fruits or nuts, is flakes.

2. If your knees bent the other way, what would a chair look like?

3. Women wear a pair of panties but only one bra.

4. I found out why God made babies cute. It's so you don't kill them.

5. Why are they called apartments when they're all stuck together?

6. 'I before E except after C?' Americans don't want to learn that! They just sort of make an 'I' looking 'E' and an 'E' looking 'I' then put the dot, right there in the middle!

7. If you water it and it dies, it's a plant. If you pull it out and it grows back, it's a weed.

8. I don't know why they say "you have a baby." The baby has you.

9. Our alphabet is based on some kind of a bookkeeper's code to keep the Jews' and the Egyptians' noses out of the Phoenician cattle business!

10. Why do they call them cowboys? Cows is girls; bulls is boys. They should call them 'cowgirls' and 'bullboys.'

11. Iced tea in the wintertime! Why not? 'Cause it's fucking dumb, that's why not!

12. People like crowds. The bigger the crowd, the more people show up. Small crowd, hardly anybody shows up.

13. If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress?

14. Frankie Valli sings 'Walk Like A Man, Talk Like A Man'... sings it like a woman!

15. If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?

16. Well, see, babies are born with new eyes. They look at the world with new eyes and you begin to see things, too, through their eyes. I had a problem with her with toilet trainin' and I don't blame her a bit. Cause first I showed her you can't hit your cup on the coffee table. Then I showed her you can't eat on the couch. Then here was this chair you could shit in.

17. Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one?

18. Why are cigarettes sold at gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?

19. Why do they put the little "on/off" words on a light switch? If the light's on, you can see that it's on. If the light's off, it's too dark to see the words on the switch.

20. When yogurt goes bad, how can you tell?

21. Why do they call 'em 'buildings' when they're done building 'em? They ought to be called 'builts.' Or, 'crumblings.' 'I live in that crumbling over there.'

22. What is dumber than a blind person with a gun? The idiot who handed them the gun. Where do you hide from a blind person with a gun? How do you make a noise that ain't like a rabbit?

23. Why do they call that funny little statue a bust when it stops right before the part of the body that it's named after?

24. Why is bra singular and panties plural?

25. Wonder why it is your underarms stink. Did it ever come in handy? Did you ever say "Well thank God my underarms stunk! He came out of the bushes and I said Get back! I've been to aerobics!"

26. Y'know, God experimented with the other animals before he got around to us. You ladies oughtta thank him for creating the cow, and getting that udder idea out of his head!

27. Sledge-O-Matic removes unwanted fingerprints from walls. Sledge-O-Matic also removes unwanted walls from fingerprints.

28. Why do Cowboys wear a spur on each boot? If one side of the horse moves, the other side goes with it.

29. Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?

30. Why are there interstates in Hawaii?

31. Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

32. If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

33. Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you're not supposed to drink and drive?

34. I know you people, you're the smart ones. You're not the ones going down the freeway with a seatbelt hanging out the door makin' sparks. You're not the ones goin' over the overpass with the turn signal on. Where are they gonna turn? You almost wish they would.

35. This I before E stuff would've screwed up Einstein. He's got it wrong twice in his name.

36. I would like now to talk about the Japanese, a race of very short people who are always bending in half. You can't make an honest business deal with them because you can't look em' in the eye. I don't believe any group of people should be able to build a car they can't pronounce. I'm talking of course about the 'Cororra'.

37. Parents are trying to be friends with their kids rather than draw the line and tell them what proper public behavior would be.

38. What makes Teflon stick to the pan?

39. If M & M's melt in your mouth, not in your hand, what would they do, say... under your arms?

40. I saw a can said Pepsi Free and I said "That means it don't have Pepsi in it. That's a Coke." Hog futures; I heard that. Hogs don't have no future. Bacon is not a career.

41. I know what people laugh at. I know their vocabulary.

42. I have so much to say when I'm driving and I only have a horn. A horn don't say enough. A horn just goes, "screeeeeeeew yooooooou!" Right? I want a microphone. A microphone with a speaker on top, like the cops got. You can have 'em, too. Freedom of speech includes volume.

43. You listen to the world, you'll hear McDonald's say that eatin' there is like a symphony of taste. Yeah, my butt's the wind instrument and the fart's the whole note.

44. What can you say in America? Can I say Priscilla Presley has a big butt? Will I have to prove it in a court of law? Hey, Priscilla, you wanna back it on in here, huh? If she can fit in the witness chair we'll drop, Your Honor.

45. "Dodge" is the perfect word to put on the front of a van comin' at ya. If it says "Ram" on the side, they're after your ass.

46. I have spent my life paying attention to my art form, developing my art form, worrying about my show and what I'm bringing to people, making sure that I give them a fine trade.

47. You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes... why can't they make the whole plane out of the same material?

48. Well, let me welcome myself to Texas. Where a man comes home and hangs his hat on his lap.

49. I like church though. Church was a reminder there was something worse than school.

50. Why are all the home-ec teachers divorced?

51. Before the invention of the telephone, you had to lie to people to their face!

52. Wonder why it is God didn't give us wheels. He must've known we get skates for Christmas.

53. We go to school to learn to communicate, but all the teachers say to us is "shut up!"

54. You know what's stupid? Skiing. You get on top of a slippery mountain with sleds on your feet and you go down... big deal. Try not to. Or, go up! Now that'd be a sport for ya!

55. Remember this advice... Never let your mom comb your hair when she's mad at your dad!

56. Hey, what do you expect from a culture that drives on parkways and parks on driveways?

57. Wouldn't it be great if people were the same in bed as they are in every day life? When Mark Spitz gets done, does he do a flip off the headboard and come back for another lap? 'Gee, Nadia, that was perfect! That full twisting dismount wasn't bad either, babe!'

58. I want you to remember, behind every successful man is an amazed mother-in-law.

59. See, it's frivolous, superfluous products in America. Like scented toilet
paper... is the dumbest thing in the world! The only thing you don't have to make smell good cause it's gonna get fucked up. Who is that smell there to impress? My thumb? If you want to impress my thumb, make it thicker in the middle.

60. So they bother you with it, they bother you with it, they bother you with it. Finally you say, "Gimme the damn present." You open it up and it's dumb. Lucky for you, now you got a couple days, take it back to the store, get something else, so when your mother comes over she don't see you're still married to an idiot!

61. I've come here tonight to San Jose, the only city in this nation smart enough to put its airport downtown where nobody cares.

62. Do you need a pain reliever that works? Picky shits, ain't ya?

63. I wish there was a knob on the TV so you could turn up the intelligence. They got one marked "brightness" but it don't work, does it?

64. I wanna say something about my baby, Aimee. The IRS says I have to; I pay her $20,000 as a writer.

65. I have to say something about people, even when it's somebody like Michael Jackson. I have to say something about a little dude who runs around the country wearing one glove and singing "Beat It!"

66. I don't want to overthrow the government. I wanna fire 'em.

67. People don't know how to behave in public anymore.

Conversational Curry Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Listen: I was fooling around with my wife last
> night. I noticed she hadn't shaved her pits in a
> while. As I gently began tickling the stubble, she
> jokingly called it her "pepper."
>
> Post-coitus, our discussion turned - as it often
> does - to Gallagher. Her earlier pepper comment
> got me thinking of using G's comedy and jokes as
> conversational spices: accents, flavor, and
> piquancy that one could add to "pepper" daily
> conversion to amuse and instruct. Kind of like
> sprinkling a small airline-size packet of
> erudition across your dialogue.
>
> And sadly, one is probably going to be unable to
> recite "Cupid Pits LoverBoy Versus the Earth"
> (https://www.gallaghersmash.com/cupid-pits-loverbo
> y-versus-earth) while ordering a burger in a
> drive-through, or while paying at a tollbooth -
> but you certainly have time to drop a casual
> Gallagherian witticism in those situations.
>
> Towards that end, I've put together a list of some
> succinct G-man nuggets below. You all know them,
> sure, but here they are in one place for easy
> use.
>
> Enjoy, and spice up your life.
>
> 1. Living in California is like living in a bowl
> of granola; what ain't fruits or nuts, is flakes.
>
> 2. If your knees bent the other way, what would a
> chair look like?
>
> 3. Women wear a pair of panties but only one bra.
>
> 4. I found out why God made babies cute. It's so
> you don't kill them.
>
> 5. Why are they called apartments when they're all
> stuck together?
>
> 6. 'I before E except after C?' Americans don't
> want to learn that! They just sort of make an 'I'
> looking 'E' and an 'E' looking 'I' then put the
> dot, right there in the middle!
>
> 7. If you water it and it dies, it's a plant. If
> you pull it out and it grows back, it's a weed.
>
> 8. I don't know why they say "you have a baby."
> The baby has you.
>
> 9. Our alphabet is based on some kind of a
> bookkeeper's code to keep the Jews' and the
> Egyptians' noses out of the Phoenician cattle
> business!
>
> 10. Why do they call them cowboys? Cows is girls;
> bulls is boys. They should call them 'cowgirls'
> and 'bullboys.'
>
> 11. Iced tea in the wintertime! Why not? 'Cause
> it's fucking dumb, that's why not!
>
> 12. People like crowds. The bigger the crowd, the
> more people show up. Small crowd, hardly anybody
> shows up.
>
> 13. If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the
> opposite of congress?
>
> 14. Frankie Valli sings 'Walk Like A Man, Talk
> Like A Man'... sings it like a woman!
>
> 15. If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a
> year, why are there locks on the doors?
>
> 16. Well, see, babies are born with new eyes. They
> look at the world with new eyes and you begin to
> see things, too, through their eyes. I had a
> problem with her with toilet trainin' and I don't
> blame her a bit. Cause first I showed her you
> can't hit your cup on the coffee table. Then I
> showed her you can't eat on the couch. Then here
> was this chair you could shit in.
>
> 17. Why do they call it a TV set when you only get
> one?
>
> 18. Why are cigarettes sold at gas stations when
> smoking is prohibited there?
>
> 19. Why do they put the little "on/off" words on a
> light switch? If the light's on, you can see that
> it's on. If the light's off, it's too dark to see
> the words on the switch.
>
> 20. When yogurt goes bad, how can you tell?
>
> 21. Why do they call 'em 'buildings' when they're
> done building 'em? They ought to be called
> 'builts.' Or, 'crumblings.' 'I live in that
> crumbling over there.'
>
> 22. What is dumber than a blind person with a gun?
> The idiot who handed them the gun. Where do you
> hide from a blind person with a gun? How do you
> make a noise that ain't like a rabbit?
>
> 23. Why do they call that funny little statue a
> bust when it stops right before the part of the
> body that it's named after?
>
> 24. Why is bra singular and panties plural?
>
> 25. Wonder why it is your underarms stink. Did it
> ever come in handy? Did you ever say "Well thank
> God my underarms stunk! He came out of the bushes
> and I said Get back! I've been to aerobics!"
>
> 26. Y'know, God experimented with the other
> animals before he got around to us. You ladies
> oughtta thank him for creating the cow, and
> getting that udder idea out of his head!
>
> 27. Sledge-O-Matic removes unwanted fingerprints
> from walls. Sledge-O-Matic also removes unwanted
> walls from fingerprints.
>
> 28. Why do Cowboys wear a spur on each boot? If
> one side of the horse moves, the other side goes
> with it.
>
> 29. Why are there flotation devices under plane
> seats instead of parachutes?
>
> 30. Why are there interstates in Hawaii?
>
> 31. Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
>
> 32. If olive oil comes from olives, where does
> baby oil come from?
>
> 33. Why do you need a driver's license to buy
> liquor when you're not supposed to drink and
> drive?
>
> 34. I know you people, you're the smart ones.
> You're not the ones going down the freeway with a
> seatbelt hanging out the door makin' sparks.
> You're not the ones goin' over the overpass with
> the turn signal on. Where are they gonna turn? You
> almost wish they would.
>
> 35. This I before E stuff would've screwed up
> Einstein. He's got it wrong twice in his name.
>
> 36. I would like now to talk about the Japanese, a
> race of very short people who are always bending
> in half. You can't make an honest business deal
> with them because you can't look em' in the eye. I
> don't believe any group of people should be able
> to build a car they can't pronounce. I'm talking
> of course about the 'Cororra'.
>
> 37. Parents are trying to be friends with their
> kids rather than draw the line and tell them what
> proper public behavior would be.
>
> 38. What makes Teflon stick to the pan?
>
> 39. If M & M's melt in your mouth, not in your
> hand, what would they do, say... under your arms?
>
> 40. I saw a can said Pepsi Free and I said "That
> means it don't have Pepsi in it. That's a Coke."
> Hog futures; I heard that. Hogs don't have no
> future. Bacon is not a career.
>
> 41. I know what people laugh at. I know their
> vocabulary.
>
> 42. I have so much to say when I'm driving and I
> only have a horn. A horn don't say enough. A horn
> just goes, "screeeeeeeew yooooooou!" Right? I want
> a microphone. A microphone with a speaker on top,
> like the cops got. You can have 'em, too. Freedom
> of speech includes volume.
>
> 43. You listen to the world, you'll hear
> McDonald's say that eatin' there is like a
> symphony of taste. Yeah, my butt's the wind
> instrument and the fart's the whole note.
>
> 44. What can you say in America? Can I say
> Priscilla Presley has a big butt? Will I have to
> prove it in a court of law? Hey, Priscilla, you
> wanna back it on in here, huh? If she can fit in
> the witness chair we'll drop, Your Honor.
>
> 45. "Dodge" is the perfect word to put on the
> front of a van comin' at ya. If it says "Ram" on
> the side, they're after your ass.
>
> 46. I have spent my life paying attention to my
> art form, developing my art form, worrying about
> my show and what I'm bringing to people, making
> sure that I give them a fine trade.
>
> 47. You know that little indestructible black box
> that is used on planes... why can't they make the
> whole plane out of the same material?
>
> 48. Well, let me welcome myself to Texas. Where a
> man comes home and hangs his hat on his lap.
>
> 49. I like church though. Church was a reminder
> there was something worse than school.
>
> 50. Why are all the home-ec teachers divorced?
>
> 51. Before the invention of the telephone, you had
> to lie to people to their face!
>
> 52. Wonder why it is God didn't give us wheels. He
> must've known we get skates for Christmas.
>
> 53. We go to school to learn to communicate, but
> all the teachers say to us is "shut up!"
>
> 54. You know what's stupid? Skiing. You get on top
> of a slippery mountain with sleds on your feet and
> you go down... big deal. Try not to. Or, go up!
> Now that'd be a sport for ya!
>
> 55. Remember this advice... Never let your mom
> comb your hair when she's mad at your dad!
>
> 56. Hey, what do you expect from a culture that
> drives on parkways and parks on driveways?
>
> 57. Wouldn't it be great if people were the same
> in bed as they are in every day life? When Mark
> Spitz gets done, does he do a flip off the
> headboard and come back for another lap? 'Gee,
> Nadia, that was perfect! That full twisting
> dismount wasn't bad either, babe!'
>
> 58. I want you to remember, behind every
> successful man is an amazed mother-in-law.
>
> 59. See, it's frivolous, superfluous products in
> America. Like scented toilet
> paper... is the dumbest thing in the world! The
> only thing you don't have to make smell good cause
> it's gonna get fucked up. Who is that smell there
> to impress? My thumb? If you want to impress my
> thumb, make it thicker in the middle.
>
> 60. So they bother you with it, they bother you
> with it, they bother you with it. Finally you say,
> "Gimme the damn present." You open it up and it's
> dumb. Lucky for you, now you got a couple days,
> take it back to the store, get something else, so
> when your mother comes over she don't see you're
> still married to an idiot!
>
> 61. I've come here tonight to San Jose, the only
> city in this nation smart enough to put its
> airport downtown where nobody cares.
>
> 62. Do you need a pain reliever that works? Picky
> shits, ain't ya?
>
> 63. I wish there was a knob on the TV so you could
> turn up the intelligence. They got one marked
> "brightness" but it don't work, does it?
>
> 64. I wanna say something about my baby, Aimee.
> The IRS says I have to; I pay her $20,000 as a
> writer.
>
> 65. I have to say something about people, even
> when it's somebody like Michael Jackson. I have to
> say something about a little dude who runs around
> the country wearing one glove and singing "Beat
> It!"
>
> 66. I don't want to overthrow the government. I
> wanna fire 'em.
>
> 67. People don't know how to behave in public
> anymore.


Conversational Curry Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Listen: I was fooling around with my wife last
> night. I noticed she hadn't shaved her pits in a
> while. As I gently began tickling the stubble, she
> jokingly called it her "pepper."
>
> Post-coitus, our discussion turned - as it often
> does - to Gallagher. Her earlier pepper comment
> got me thinking of using G's comedy and jokes as
> conversational spices: accents, flavor, and
> piquancy that one could add to "pepper" daily
> conversion to amuse and instruct. Kind of like
> sprinkling a small airline-size packet of
> erudition across your dialogue.
>
> And sadly, one is probably going to be unable to
> recite "Cupid Pits LoverBoy Versus the Earth"
> (https://www.gallaghersmash.com/cupid-pits-loverbo
> y-versus-earth) while ordering a burger in a
> drive-through, or while paying at a tollbooth -
> but you certainly have time to drop a casual
> Gallagherian witticism in those situations.
>
> Towards that end, I've put together a list of some
> succinct G-man nuggets below. You all know them,
> sure, but here they are in one place for easy
> use.
>
> Enjoy, and spice up your life.
>
> 1. Living in California is like living in a bowl
> of granola; what ain't fruits or nuts, is flakes.
>
> 2. If your knees bent the other way, what would a
> chair look like?
>
> 3. Women wear a pair of panties but only one bra.
>
> 4. I found out why God made babies cute. It's so
> you don't kill them.
>
> 5. Why are they called apartments when they're all
> stuck together?
>
> 6. 'I before E except after C?' Americans don't
> want to learn that! They just sort of make an 'I'
> looking 'E' and an 'E' looking 'I' then put the
> dot, right there in the middle!
>
> 7. If you water it and it dies, it's a plant. If
> you pull it out and it grows back, it's a weed.
>
> 8. I don't know why they say "you have a baby."
> The baby has you.
>
> 9. Our alphabet is based on some kind of a
> bookkeeper's code to keep the Jews' and the
> Egyptians' noses out of the Phoenician cattle
> business!
>
> 10. Why do they call them cowboys? Cows is girls;
> bulls is boys. They should call them 'cowgirls'
> and 'bullboys.'
>
> 11. Iced tea in the wintertime! Why not? 'Cause
> it's fucking dumb, that's why not!
>
> 12. People like crowds. The bigger the crowd, the
> more people show up. Small crowd, hardly anybody
> shows up.
>
> 13. If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the
> opposite of congress?
>
> 14. Frankie Valli sings 'Walk Like A Man, Talk
> Like A Man'... sings it like a woman!
>
> 15. If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a
> year, why are there locks on the doors?
>
> 16. Well, see, babies are born with new eyes. They
> look at the world with new eyes and you begin to
> see things, too, through their eyes. I had a
> problem with her with toilet trainin' and I don't
> blame her a bit. Cause first I showed her you
> can't hit your cup on the coffee table. Then I
> showed her you can't eat on the couch. Then here
> was this chair you could shit in.
>
> 17. Why do they call it a TV set when you only get
> one?
>
> 18. Why are cigarettes sold at gas stations when
> smoking is prohibited there?
>
> 19. Why do they put the little "on/off" words on a
> light switch? If the light's on, you can see that
> it's on. If the light's off, it's too dark to see
> the words on the switch.
>
> 20. When yogurt goes bad, how can you tell?
>
> 21. Why do they call 'em 'buildings' when they're
> done building 'em? They ought to be called
> 'builts.' Or, 'crumblings.' 'I live in that
> crumbling over there.'
>
> 22. What is dumber than a blind person with a gun?
> The idiot who handed them the gun. Where do you
> hide from a blind person with a gun? How do you
> make a noise that ain't like a rabbit?
>
> 23. Why do they call that funny little statue a
> bust when it stops right before the part of the
> body that it's named after?
>
> 24. Why is bra singular and panties plural?
>
> 25. Wonder why it is your underarms stink. Did it
> ever come in handy? Did you ever say "Well thank
> God my underarms stunk! He came out of the bushes
> and I said Get back! I've been to aerobics!"
>
> 26. Y'know, God experimented with the other
> animals before he got around to us. You ladies
> oughtta thank him for creating the cow, and
> getting that udder idea out of his head!
>
> 27. Sledge-O-Matic removes unwanted fingerprints
> from walls. Sledge-O-Matic also removes unwanted
> walls from fingerprints.
>
> 28. Why do Cowboys wear a spur on each boot? If
> one side of the horse moves, the other side goes
> with it.
>
> 29. Why are there flotation devices under plane
> seats instead of parachutes?
>
> 30. Why are there interstates in Hawaii?
>
> 31. Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
>
> 32. If olive oil comes from olives, where does
> baby oil come from?
>
> 33. Why do you need a driver's license to buy
> liquor when you're not supposed to drink and
> drive?
>
> 34. I know you people, you're the smart ones.
> You're not the ones going down the freeway with a
> seatbelt hanging out the door makin' sparks.
> You're not the ones goin' over the overpass with
> the turn signal on. Where are they gonna turn? You
> almost wish they would.
>
> 35. This I before E stuff would've screwed up
> Einstein. He's got it wrong twice in his name.
>
> 36. I would like now to talk about the Japanese, a
> race of very short people who are always bending
> in half. You can't make an honest business deal
> with them because you can't look em' in the eye. I
> don't believe any group of people should be able
> to build a car they can't pronounce. I'm talking
> of course about the 'Cororra'.
>
> 37. Parents are trying to be friends with their
> kids rather than draw the line and tell them what
> proper public behavior would be.
>
> 38. What makes Teflon stick to the pan?
>
> 39. If M & M's melt in your mouth, not in your
> hand, what would they do, say... under your arms?
>
> 40. I saw a can said Pepsi Free and I said "That
> means it don't have Pepsi in it. That's a Coke."
> Hog futures; I heard that. Hogs don't have no
> future. Bacon is not a career.
>
> 41. I know what people laugh at. I know their
> vocabulary.
>
> 42. I have so much to say when I'm driving and I
> only have a horn. A horn don't say enough. A horn
> just goes, "screeeeeeeew yooooooou!" Right? I want
> a microphone. A microphone with a speaker on top,
> like the cops got. You can have 'em, too. Freedom
> of speech includes volume.
>
> 43. You listen to the world, you'll hear
> McDonald's say that eatin' there is like a
> symphony of taste. Yeah, my butt's the wind
> instrument and the fart's the whole note.
>
> 44. What can you say in America? Can I say
> Priscilla Presley has a big butt? Will I have to
> prove it in a court of law? Hey, Priscilla, you
> wanna back it on in here, huh? If she can fit in
> the witness chair we'll drop, Your Honor.
>
> 45. "Dodge" is the perfect word to put on the
> front of a van comin' at ya. If it says "Ram" on
> the side, they're after your ass.
>
> 46. I have spent my life paying attention to my
> art form, developing my art form, worrying about
> my show and what I'm bringing to people, making
> sure that I give them a fine trade.
>
> 47. You know that little indestructible black box
> that is used on planes... why can't they make the
> whole plane out of the same material?
>
> 48. Well, let me welcome myself to Texas. Where a
> man comes home and hangs his hat on his lap.
>
> 49. I like church though. Church was a reminder
> there was something worse than school.
>
> 50. Why are all the home-ec teachers divorced?
>
> 51. Before the invention of the telephone, you had
> to lie to people to their face!
>
> 52. Wonder why it is God didn't give us wheels. He
> must've known we get skates for Christmas.
>
> 53. We go to school to learn to communicate, but
> all the teachers say to us is "shut up!"
>
> 54. You know what's stupid? Skiing. You get on top
> of a slippery mountain with sleds on your feet and
> you go down... big deal. Try not to. Or, go up!
> Now that'd be a sport for ya!
>
> 55. Remember this advice... Never let your mom
> comb your hair when she's mad at your dad!
>
> 56. Hey, what do you expect from a culture that
> drives on parkways and parks on driveways?
>
> 57. Wouldn't it be great if people were the same
> in bed as they are in every day life? When Mark
> Spitz gets done, does he do a flip off the
> headboard and come back for another lap? 'Gee,
> Nadia, that was perfect! That full twisting
> dismount wasn't bad either, babe!'
>
> 58. I want you to remember, behind every
> successful man is an amazed mother-in-law.
>
> 59. See, it's frivolous, superfluous products in
> America. Like scented toilet
> paper... is the dumbest thing in the world! The
> only thing you don't have to make smell good cause
> it's gonna get fucked up. Who is that smell there
> to impress? My thumb? If you want to impress my
> thumb, make it thicker in the middle.
>
> 60. So they bother you with it, they bother you
> with it, they bother you with it. Finally you say,
> "Gimme the damn present." You open it up and it's
> dumb. Lucky for you, now you got a couple days,
> take it back to the store, get something else, so
> when your mother comes over she don't see you're
> still married to an idiot!
>
> 61. I've come here tonight to San Jose, the only
> city in this nation smart enough to put its
> airport downtown where nobody cares.
>
> 62. Do you need a pain reliever that works? Picky
> shits, ain't ya?
>
> 63. I wish there was a knob on the TV so you could
> turn up the intelligence. They got one marked
> "brightness" but it don't work, does it?
>
> 64. I wanna say something about my baby, Aimee.
> The IRS says I have to; I pay her $20,000 as a
> writer.
>
> 65. I have to say something about people, even
> when it's somebody like Michael Jackson. I have to
> say something about a little dude who runs around
> the country wearing one glove and singing "Beat
> It!"
>
> 66. I don't want to overthrow the government. I
> wanna fire 'em.
>
> 67. People don't know how to behave in public
> anymore.


All such great points, that I even quoted them twice.

Joe Joe Joe Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> 6. Extra credit: It's free because only an idiot
> would buy the Bonus Show.
>
> -I use a friends log in. I bet there is ten using
> it...

Can't fault you for that. You're getting over.

7. Double extra credit: they think a good podcast is playing good music and talking or even worse singing over it. Plus Uptown Funk, Photograph, and the ever fucked-out "Yooooo" song.

8. "Poetry".

peekzapeekzapalooser Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Conversational Curry Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > Listen: I was fooling around with my wife last
> > night. I noticed she hadn't shaved her pits in
> a
> > while. As I gently began tickling the stubble,
> she
> > jokingly called it her "pepper."
> >
> > Post-coitus, our discussion turned - as it
> often
> > does - to Gallagher. Her earlier pepper comment
> > got me thinking of using G's comedy and jokes
> as
> > conversational spices: accents, flavor, and
> > piquancy that one could add to "pepper" daily
> > conversion to amuse and instruct. Kind of like
> > sprinkling a small airline-size packet of
> > erudition across your dialogue.
> >
> > And sadly, one is probably going to be unable
> to
> > recite "Cupid Pits LoverBoy Versus the Earth"
> >
> (https://www.gallaghersmash.com/cupid-pits-loverbo
>
> > y-versus-earth) while ordering a burger in a
> > drive-through, or while paying at a tollbooth -
> > but you certainly have time to drop a casual
> > Gallagherian witticism in those situations.
> >
> > Towards that end, I've put together a list of
> some
> > succinct G-man nuggets below. You all know
> them,
> > sure, but here they are in one place for easy
> > use.
> >
> > Enjoy, and spice up your life.
> >
> > 1. Living in California is like living in a
> bowl
> > of granola; what ain't fruits or nuts, is
> flakes.
> >
> > 2. If your knees bent the other way, what would
> a
> > chair look like?
> >
> > 3. Women wear a pair of panties but only one
> bra.
> >
> > 4. I found out why God made babies cute. It's
> so
> > you don't kill them.
> >
> > 5. Why are they called apartments when they're
> all
> > stuck together?
> >
> > 6. 'I before E except after C?' Americans don't
> > want to learn that! They just sort of make an
> 'I'
> > looking 'E' and an 'E' looking 'I' then put the
> > dot, right there in the middle!
> >
> > 7. If you water it and it dies, it's a plant.
> If
> > you pull it out and it grows back, it's a weed.
> >
> > 8. I don't know why they say "you have a baby."
> > The baby has you.
> >
> > 9. Our alphabet is based on some kind of a
> > bookkeeper's code to keep the Jews' and the
> > Egyptians' noses out of the Phoenician cattle
> > business!
> >
> > 10. Why do they call them cowboys? Cows is
> girls;
> > bulls is boys. They should call them 'cowgirls'
> > and 'bullboys.'
> >
> > 11. Iced tea in the wintertime! Why not? 'Cause
> > it's fucking dumb, that's why not!
> >
> > 12. People like crowds. The bigger the crowd,
> the
> > more people show up. Small crowd, hardly
> anybody
> > shows up.
> >
> > 13. If pro is the opposite of con, is progress
> the
> > opposite of congress?
> >
> > 14. Frankie Valli sings 'Walk Like A Man, Talk
> > Like A Man'... sings it like a woman!
> >
> > 15. If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a
> > year, why are there locks on the doors?
> >
> > 16. Well, see, babies are born with new eyes.
> They
> > look at the world with new eyes and you begin
> to
> > see things, too, through their eyes. I had a
> > problem with her with toilet trainin' and I
> don't
> > blame her a bit. Cause first I showed her you
> > can't hit your cup on the coffee table. Then I
> > showed her you can't eat on the couch. Then
> here
> > was this chair you could shit in.
> >
> > 17. Why do they call it a TV set when you only
> get
> > one?
> >
> > 18. Why are cigarettes sold at gas stations
> when
> > smoking is prohibited there?
> >
> > 19. Why do they put the little "on/off" words on
> a
> > light switch? If the light's on, you can see
> that
> > it's on. If the light's off, it's too dark to
> see
> > the words on the switch.
> >
> > 20. When yogurt goes bad, how can you tell?
> >
> > 21. Why do they call 'em 'buildings' when
> they're
> > done building 'em? They ought to be called
> > 'builts.' Or, 'crumblings.' 'I live in that
> > crumbling over there.'
> >
> > 22. What is dumber than a blind person with a
> gun?
> > The idiot who handed them the gun. Where do you
> > hide from a blind person with a gun? How do you
> > make a noise that ain't like a rabbit?
> >
> > 23. Why do they call that funny little statue a
> > bust when it stops right before the part of the
> > body that it's named after?
> >
> > 24. Why is bra singular and panties plural?
> >
> > 25. Wonder why it is your underarms stink. Did
> it
> > ever come in handy? Did you ever say "Well
> thank
> > God my underarms stunk! He came out of the
> bushes
> > and I said Get back! I've been to aerobics!"
> >
> > 26. Y'know, God experimented with the other
> > animals before he got around to us. You ladies
> > oughtta thank him for creating the cow, and
> > getting that udder idea out of his head!
> >
> > 27. Sledge-O-Matic removes unwanted
> fingerprints
> > from walls. Sledge-O-Matic also removes
> unwanted
> > walls from fingerprints.
> >
> > 28. Why do Cowboys wear a spur on each boot? If
> > one side of the horse moves, the other side
> goes
> > with it.
> >
> > 29. Why are there flotation devices under plane
> > seats instead of parachutes?
> >
> > 30. Why are there interstates in Hawaii?
> >
> > 31. Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it
> sounds?
> >
> > 32. If olive oil comes from olives, where does
> > baby oil come from?
> >
> > 33. Why do you need a driver's license to buy
> > liquor when you're not supposed to drink and
> > drive?
> >
> > 34. I know you people, you're the smart ones.
> > You're not the ones going down the freeway with
> a
> > seatbelt hanging out the door makin' sparks.
> > You're not the ones goin' over the overpass
> with
> > the turn signal on. Where are they gonna turn?
> You
> > almost wish they would.
> >
> > 35. This I before E stuff would've screwed up
> > Einstein. He's got it wrong twice in his name.
> >
> > 36. I would like now to talk about the Japanese,
> a
> > race of very short people who are always
> bending
> > in half. You can't make an honest business deal
> > with them because you can't look em' in the eye.
> I
> > don't believe any group of people should be
> able
> > to build a car they can't pronounce. I'm
> talking
> > of course about the 'Cororra'.
> >
> > 37. Parents are trying to be friends with their
> > kids rather than draw the line and tell them
> what
> > proper public behavior would be.
> >
> > 38. What makes Teflon stick to the pan?
> >
> > 39. If M & M's melt in your mouth, not in your
> > hand, what would they do, say... under your
> arms?
> >
> > 40. I saw a can said Pepsi Free and I said
> "That
> > means it don't have Pepsi in it. That's a
> Coke."
> > Hog futures; I heard that. Hogs don't have no
> > future. Bacon is not a career.
> >
> > 41. I know what people laugh at. I know their
> > vocabulary.
> >
> > 42. I have so much to say when I'm driving and
> I
> > only have a horn. A horn don't say enough. A
> horn
> > just goes, "screeeeeeeew yooooooou!" Right? I
> want
> > a microphone. A microphone with a speaker on
> top,
> > like the cops got. You can have 'em, too.
> Freedom
> > of speech includes volume.
> >
> > 43. You listen to the world, you'll hear
> > McDonald's say that eatin' there is like a
> > symphony of taste. Yeah, my butt's the wind
> > instrument and the fart's the whole note.
> >
> > 44. What can you say in America? Can I say
> > Priscilla Presley has a big butt? Will I have
> to
> > prove it in a court of law? Hey, Priscilla, you
> > wanna back it on in here, huh? If she can fit
> in
> > the witness chair we'll drop, Your Honor.
> >
> > 45. "Dodge" is the perfect word to put on the
> > front of a van comin' at ya. If it says "Ram"
> on
> > the side, they're after your ass.
> >
> > 46. I have spent my life paying attention to my
> > art form, developing my art form, worrying
> about
> > my show and what I'm bringing to people, making
> > sure that I give them a fine trade.
> >
> > 47. You know that little indestructible black
> box
> > that is used on planes... why can't they make
> the
> > whole plane out of the same material?
> >
> > 48. Well, let me welcome myself to Texas. Where
> a
> > man comes home and hangs his hat on his lap.
> >
> > 49. I like church though. Church was a reminder
> > there was something worse than school.
> >
> > 50. Why are all the home-ec teachers divorced?
> >
> > 51. Before the invention of the telephone, you
> had
> > to lie to people to their face!
> >
> > 52. Wonder why it is God didn't give us wheels.
> He
> > must've known we get skates for Christmas.
> >
> > 53. We go to school to learn to communicate,
> but
> > all the teachers say to us is "shut up!"
> >
> > 54. You know what's stupid? Skiing. You get on
> top
> > of a slippery mountain with sleds on your feet
> and
> > you go down... big deal. Try not to. Or, go up!
> > Now that'd be a sport for ya!
> >
> > 55. Remember this advice... Never let your mom
> > comb your hair when she's mad at your dad!
> >
> > 56. Hey, what do you expect from a culture that
> > drives on parkways and parks on driveways?
> >
> > 57. Wouldn't it be great if people were the
> same
> > in bed as they are in every day life? When Mark
> > Spitz gets done, does he do a flip off the
> > headboard and come back for another lap? 'Gee,
> > Nadia, that was perfect! That full twisting
> > dismount wasn't bad either, babe!'
> >
> > 58. I want you to remember, behind every
> > successful man is an amazed mother-in-law.
> >
> > 59. See, it's frivolous, superfluous products
> in
> > America. Like scented toilet
> > paper... is the dumbest thing in the world! The
> > only thing you don't have to make smell good
> cause
> > it's gonna get fucked up. Who is that smell
> there
> > to impress? My thumb? If you want to impress my
> > thumb, make it thicker in the middle.
> >
> > 60. So they bother you with it, they bother you
> > with it, they bother you with it. Finally you
> say,
> > "Gimme the damn present." You open it up and
> it's
> > dumb. Lucky for you, now you got a couple days,
> > take it back to the store, get something else,
> so
> > when your mother comes over she don't see
> you're
> > still married to an idiot!
> >
> > 61. I've come here tonight to San Jose, the
> only
> > city in this nation smart enough to put its
> > airport downtown where nobody cares.
> >
> > 62. Do you need a pain reliever that works?
> Picky
> > shits, ain't ya?
> >
> > 63. I wish there was a knob on the TV so you
> could
> > turn up the intelligence. They got one marked
> > "brightness" but it don't work, does it?
> >
> > 64. I wanna say something about my baby, Aimee.
> > The IRS says I have to; I pay her $20,000 as a
> > writer.
> >
> > 65. I have to say something about people, even
> > when it's somebody like Michael Jackson. I have
> to
> > say something about a little dude who runs
> around
> > the country wearing one glove and singing "Beat
> > It!"
> >
> > 66. I don't want to overthrow the government. I
> > wanna fire 'em.
> >
> > 67. People don't know how to behave in public
> > anymore.
>
>
> Conversational Curry Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > Listen: I was fooling around with my wife last
> > night. I noticed she hadn't shaved her pits in
> a
> > while. As I gently began tickling the stubble,
> she
> > jokingly called it her "pepper."
> >
> > Post-coitus, our discussion turned - as it
> often
> > does - to Gallagher. Her earlier pepper comment
> > got me thinking of using G's comedy and jokes
> as
> > conversational spices: accents, flavor, and
> > piquancy that one could add to "pepper" daily
> > conversion to amuse and instruct. Kind of like
> > sprinkling a small airline-size packet of
> > erudition across your dialogue.
> >
> > And sadly, one is probably going to be unable
> to
> > recite "Cupid Pits LoverBoy Versus the Earth"
> >
> (https://www.gallaghersmash.com/cupid-pits-loverbo
>
> > y-versus-earth) while ordering a burger in a
> > drive-through, or while paying at a tollbooth -
> > but you certainly have time to drop a casual
> > Gallagherian witticism in those situations.
> >
> > Towards that end, I've put together a list of
> some
> > succinct G-man nuggets below. You all know
> them,
> > sure, but here they are in one place for easy
> > use.
> >
> > Enjoy, and spice up your life.
> >
> > 1. Living in California is like living in a
> bowl
> > of granola; what ain't fruits or nuts, is
> flakes.
> >
> > 2. If your knees bent the other way, what would
> a
> > chair look like?
> >
> > 3. Women wear a pair of panties but only one
> bra.
> >
> > 4. I found out why God made babies cute. It's
> so
> > you don't kill them.
> >
> > 5. Why are they called apartments when they're
> all
> > stuck together?
> >
> > 6. 'I before E except after C?' Americans don't
> > want to learn that! They just sort of make an
> 'I'
> > looking 'E' and an 'E' looking 'I' then put the
> > dot, right there in the middle!
> >
> > 7. If you water it and it dies, it's a plant.
> If
> > you pull it out and it grows back, it's a weed.
> >
> > 8. I don't know why they say "you have a baby."
> > The baby has you.
> >
> > 9. Our alphabet is based on some kind of a
> > bookkeeper's code to keep the Jews' and the
> > Egyptians' noses out of the Phoenician cattle
> > business!
> >
> > 10. Why do they call them cowboys? Cows is
> girls;
> > bulls is boys. They should call them 'cowgirls'
> > and 'bullboys.'
> >
> > 11. Iced tea in the wintertime! Why not? 'Cause
> > it's fucking dumb, that's why not!
> >
> > 12. People like crowds. The bigger the crowd,
> the
> > more people show up. Small crowd, hardly
> anybody
> > shows up.
> >
> > 13. If pro is the opposite of con, is progress
> the
> > opposite of congress?
> >
> > 14. Frankie Valli sings 'Walk Like A Man, Talk
> > Like A Man'... sings it like a woman!
> >
> > 15. If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a
> > year, why are there locks on the doors?
> >
> > 16. Well, see, babies are born with new eyes.
> They
> > look at the world with new eyes and you begin
> to
> > see things, too, through their eyes. I had a
> > problem with her with toilet trainin' and I
> don't
> > blame her a bit. Cause first I showed her you
> > can't hit your cup on the coffee table. Then I
> > showed her you can't eat on the couch. Then
> here
> > was this chair you could shit in.
> >
> > 17. Why do they call it a TV set when you only
> get
> > one?
> >
> > 18. Why are cigarettes sold at gas stations
> when
> > smoking is prohibited there?
> >
> > 19. Why do they put the little "on/off" words on
> a
> > light switch? If the light's on, you can see
> that
> > it's on. If the light's off, it's too dark to
> see
> > the words on the switch.
> >
> > 20. When yogurt goes bad, how can you tell?
> >
> > 21. Why do they call 'em 'buildings' when
> they're
> > done building 'em? They ought to be called
> > 'builts.' Or, 'crumblings.' 'I live in that
> > crumbling over there.'
> >
> > 22. What is dumber than a blind person with a
> gun?
> > The idiot who handed them the gun. Where do you
> > hide from a blind person with a gun? How do you
> > make a noise that ain't like a rabbit?
> >
> > 23. Why do they call that funny little statue a
> > bust when it stops right before the part of the
> > body that it's named after?
> >
> > 24. Why is bra singular and panties plural?
> >
> > 25. Wonder why it is your underarms stink. Did
> it
> > ever come in handy? Did you ever say "Well
> thank
> > God my underarms stunk! He came out of the
> bushes
> > and I said Get back! I've been to aerobics!"
> >
> > 26. Y'know, God experimented with the other
> > animals before he got around to us. You ladies
> > oughtta thank him for creating the cow, and
> > getting that udder idea out of his head!
> >
> > 27. Sledge-O-Matic removes unwanted
> fingerprints
> > from walls. Sledge-O-Matic also removes
> unwanted
> > walls from fingerprints.
> >
> > 28. Why do Cowboys wear a spur on each boot? If
> > one side of the horse moves, the other side
> goes
> > with it.
> >
> > 29. Why are there flotation devices under plane
> > seats instead of parachutes?
> >
> > 30. Why are there interstates in Hawaii?
> >
> > 31. Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it
> sounds?
> >
> > 32. If olive oil comes from olives, where does
> > baby oil come from?
> >
> > 33. Why do you need a driver's license to buy
> > liquor when you're not supposed to drink and
> > drive?
> >
> > 34. I know you people, you're the smart ones.
> > You're not the ones going down the freeway with
> a
> > seatbelt hanging out the door makin' sparks.
> > You're not the ones goin' over the overpass
> with
> > the turn signal on. Where are they gonna turn?
> You
> > almost wish they would.
> >
> > 35. This I before E stuff would've screwed up
> > Einstein. He's got it wrong twice in his name.
> >
> > 36. I would like now to talk about the Japanese,
> a
> > race of very short people who are always
> bending
> > in half. You can't make an honest business deal
> > with them because you can't look em' in the eye.
> I
> > don't believe any group of people should be
> able
> > to build a car they can't pronounce. I'm
> talking
> > of course about the 'Cororra'.
> >
> > 37. Parents are trying to be friends with their
> > kids rather than draw the line and tell them
> what
> > proper public behavior would be.
> >
> > 38. What makes Teflon stick to the pan?
> >
> > 39. If M & M's melt in your mouth, not in your
> > hand, what would they do, say... under your
> arms?
> >
> > 40. I saw a can said Pepsi Free and I said
> "That
> > means it don't have Pepsi in it. That's a
> Coke."
> > Hog futures; I heard that. Hogs don't have no
> > future. Bacon is not a career.
> >
> > 41. I know what people laugh at. I know their
> > vocabulary.
> >
> > 42. I have so much to say when I'm driving and
> I
> > only have a horn. A horn don't say enough. A
> horn
> > just goes, "screeeeeeeew yooooooou!" Right? I
> want
> > a microphone. A microphone with a speaker on
> top,
> > like the cops got. You can have 'em, too.
> Freedom
> > of speech includes volume.
> >
> > 43. You listen to the world, you'll hear
> > McDonald's say that eatin' there is like a
> > symphony of taste. Yeah, my butt's the wind
> > instrument and the fart's the whole note.
> >
> > 44. What can you say in America? Can I say
> > Priscilla Presley has a big butt? Will I have
> to
> > prove it in a court of law? Hey, Priscilla, you
> > wanna back it on in here, huh? If she can fit
> in
> > the witness chair we'll drop, Your Honor.
> >
> > 45. "Dodge" is the perfect word to put on the
> > front of a van comin' at ya. If it says "Ram"
> on
> > the side, they're after your ass.
> >
> > 46. I have spent my life paying attention to my
> > art form, developing my art form, worrying
> about
> > my show and what I'm bringing to people, making
> > sure that I give them a fine trade.
> >
> > 47. You know that little indestructible black
> box
> > that is used on planes... why can't they make
> the
> > whole plane out of the same material?
> >
> > 48. Well, let me welcome myself to Texas. Where
> a
> > man comes home and hangs his hat on his lap.
> >
> > 49. I like church though. Church was a reminder
> > there was something worse than school.
> >
> > 50. Why are all the home-ec teachers divorced?
> >
> > 51. Before the invention of the telephone, you
> had
> > to lie to people to their face!
> >
> > 52. Wonder why it is God didn't give us wheels.
> He
> > must've known we get skates for Christmas.
> >
> > 53. We go to school to learn to communicate,
> but
> > all the teachers say to us is "shut up!"
> >
> > 54. You know what's stupid? Skiing. You get on
> top
> > of a slippery mountain with sleds on your feet
> and
> > you go down... big deal. Try not to. Or, go up!
> > Now that'd be a sport for ya!
> >
> > 55. Remember this advice... Never let your mom
> > comb your hair when she's mad at your dad!
> >
> > 56. Hey, what do you expect from a culture that
> > drives on parkways and parks on driveways?
> >
> > 57. Wouldn't it be great if people were the
> same
> > in bed as they are in every day life? When Mark
> > Spitz gets done, does he do a flip off the
> > headboard and come back for another lap? 'Gee,
> > Nadia, that was perfect! That full twisting
> > dismount wasn't bad either, babe!'
> >
> > 58. I want you to remember, behind every
> > successful man is an amazed mother-in-law.
> >
> > 59. See, it's frivolous, superfluous products
> in
> > America. Like scented toilet
> > paper... is the dumbest thing in the world! The
> > only thing you don't have to make smell good
> cause
> > it's gonna get fucked up. Who is that smell
> there
> > to impress? My thumb? If you want to impress my
> > thumb, make it thicker in the middle.
> >
> > 60. So they bother you with it, they bother you
> > with it, they bother you with it. Finally you
> say,
> > "Gimme the damn present." You open it up and
> it's
> > dumb. Lucky for you, now you got a couple days,
> > take it back to the store, get something else,
> so
> > when your mother comes over she don't see
> you're
> > still married to an idiot!
> >
> > 61. I've come here tonight to San Jose, the
> only
> > city in this nation smart enough to put its
> > airport downtown where nobody cares.
> >
> > 62. Do you need a pain reliever that works?
> Picky
> > shits, ain't ya?
> >
> > 63. I wish there was a knob on the TV so you
> could
> > turn up the intelligence. They got one marked
> > "brightness" but it don't work, does it?
> >
> > 64. I wanna say something about my baby, Aimee.
> > The IRS says I have to; I pay her $20,000 as a
> > writer.
> >
> > 65. I have to say something about people, even
> > when it's somebody like Michael Jackson. I have
> to
> > say something about a little dude who runs
> around
> > the country wearing one glove and singing "Beat
> > It!"
> >
> > 66. I don't want to overthrow the government. I
> > wanna fire 'em.
> >
> > 67. People don't know how to behave in public
> > anymore.
>
>
> All such great points, that I even quoted them
> twice.


No doubt!

Mike wishes he could tell jokes and talk politics like the main man ... G-man ... geez-man... it's Gallagher!
Attachments:

Outside the White House ..on the White House front lawn ..lies a body of water ..called the White House frog pond ..and there congregate ..on idea logs ..a congress of old toads and younger frogs ..that represent this nation’s tadpoles and pollywogs ..and their leader is chosen once each fourth year ..just the same ..following the first full moon ..and the second hard rain ..by a kinda fair election of sorts ..overseen by this Supreme ..Frog and Toad Court ..appointed for life ..of older amphibia ..and their younger wives. ..And tonight this contest is being brought to you ..on double-u ..A ..aR ..Tee ..by Preparation Double-U ..for the removal of warts ..and now Frank ..back to you. Thanks Bob ..Yes ..here we are at pondside ..as the contestants warm up ..for the Forty-forth quad-annual Residential Burp-Up ..There are frogs from the midwest ..and toads from the coast ..there are big ones and small ones ..but there’s big ones the most ..for the way to win this bellicose contest ..is to BURP ..really LOUD ..and never make sense ..For it’s a pool-litical tradition ..ignored only by fools ..in D.C. never really say nothin’ ..just burp ..it’s the rules. Unlike the human run for the White House lame game ..you can’t BUY this contest ..but the press questions are ’bout the same ..as you’ve probably guessed ..”How many WARTS do you have ? How DEEP is your chest ? ..What’s your wife really like ?” ..”Where DID she get THAT dress ?” ..There’s no hanging chads ..or boxes to check ..But as usual ..in this gossip crucible ..there’s plenty of two-faced weasels and back-biting snakes ..but unlike the grub thugs infesting Watergate ..when we catch worms trying to plant bugs ..we eat ‘um both as hors d’oeuvres ..Of course they have bad taste ..and at the risk of sounding terse ..here in soggy bottom ..we’ve all eaten worse. “Come in Bob, the news bot ..tell us ..whataya got?” “Now that it’s stopped raining Frank ..and the full moon just rose ..up from the pond bottom ..come some frogs and toads in nice clothes. But down from Manhattan ..comin’ cummerbundin’ right at ‘um ..is the most well-tailored and tuxedoed of those toads. Yes ..now condescending onto our little bombastic bash ..is He ..who just can’t stand without talkin’ trash ..He ..for whom they coined the term “loom” ..His presence Broadcasting to ALL contenders ..their Impending doom. He ..who self-grooms ..his drought-ridden plumes ..those dying blooms of the war baby booms. With hair like a broom ..from the back room ..of a bar in Khartoum ..He ..who the crowd is now ..giving ample elbow room ..then breathing room ..head room ..operating room ..class room ..control room ..lecture room ..dressing down room ..his cutting room ..ball room ..tool room ..courtroom ..at da Boom Boom VIP Room ..unveils his towering Trump toad frame ..on the cold-blooded world stage ..like a chef presents his signature dish ..or a developer points to his landmark skyscraper just finished ..so did Teeeeeeer-rump ..as if ..enjoying a neighborhood pub Guinness ..folksily settles in and asks ..”Any whom ..How is this Burp-off going to work ? Becuz when I ..the great Teeeeeeer-rump the Gold Toad inhales ..won’t I take up ALL the air in the room ?” “You’re NOT first !” Cruz Toad announced ..as he cruised onto the stage. Teeeeeeer-rump the bully-frog doesn’t squat for that ..and steals back the show mo, “You’re a foreigner ..strike one. You’re not a toad ..you’re a snake ..strike two. Nobody in the Toad Party likes you ..strike three. You’re a Canadian ..strike four.” Cruz the Canadian Snake retaliates, “It’s not a popularity contest Bristlehead. It’s about coming up with a popular note ..that resonates with the crowd ..not just being loud.” Up Teeeeeeer-rump jumps, “O.k. girls and boys ..how about we throw Cousin Cruz Toad back into the pond to see if he can even make ripples there?” Seeing ..then seizing his opening ..Bernie Toad hops up on stage ..but before he can open his moth-eating mouth ..Teeeeeeer-rump inter-rumpts ..”And you’re not a registered frog ..or toad. You’re a salamander ..which is a snake ..with little legs ..And you’re a communist. I saw you Socializing ..all around the young ones.” Sanders the Salamander cajoles, “You’re jealous becuz I’m leading in the latest tad pole.” Carly ..a front-loaded printer Toad asks, “Is anyone challenging MY qualifications as a toad ?” “No Carly. Everyone is in agreement. You’re definitely ..a TOAD,” Teeeeeeer-rump goads. Bill Clinton an Arkansas social climber Frog stopped his hobnobbing long enuf to inquire, “What about my wife. When will she croak ?” “You tell us.” Gingrich ..the loudmouthed newt ..called out ..before Teeeeeeer-rump could swing at that soft-ball. “You should compete again Newt. You’re funny.” “It’s not about jokes ..Donald. It’s about decibels and harmony.” Bill the Cosby-colored bed-hopper Toad interjected himself, “I got pretty far with funny in my day..” “Your days are over ..you pond scum, Carly Toad up and up-staged every male tail-nailer to say. “Take your poisonous mucus and slime punch ..and slide away.” “Bummer,” Cosby the Pond Scum mumbled, “I heard this Burp-up was open to all comers.” “Teeeeeeer-rump stumped, ” I plan to shoot first ..and answer questions later ..when I assume the Residency and have been debriefed.” Sanders the Socialist Salamander shot back, “Well ..I support the second amendment and I’m going to stick to my guns and I assume the Residency also ..and I wouldn’t ever be caught de-briefed.” Teeeeeeer-rump ambushed him, “Toads who know you ..say you have a hair-trigger temper ..and they seemed like straight-shooters to me.” Sanders asking for candor bantered, “Are you trying to ingratiate yourself with the NRA by talkin’ all this gun talk ?” Teeeeeeer-rump quipped “Haven’t I always ..shot from the hip ?” Frank the Reporter retorted, “Our experience is that you shoot from the lip ..Donald. Look how you picked on Jeb ..calling him low energy.” Teeeeeeer-rump jumped, “And Jeb gets over THAT hurdle ..by getting a pocketful of turtles ..the race cars of the animal world..the speed bumps on the road to the Residency ..I take back my “low energy” comment as Jeb’s appraisee ..and trade it in for “stupid” ..”lazy” ..and “crazy.” Frank the Reporter chortles ..then begins to ask, “Aren’t you afraid the media..” Teeeeeeer-rump grumps, ” Hell no ! ..I’m not afraid of the media. We toads are used to being dissected and run over. I don’t know why we’re even having a contest that’s obviously over and done. Haven’t I already won? In fact ..I remember seeing a crowd,” Teeeeeeer-rump mused tearing up. “There were thousands ..cheering Trump !” Cruz the Snake recoils, “A crowd ? Listen my two little girl toads dry out quickly ..so could we keep them OUT of the spotlight ? Pleeeze.” Teeeeeeer-rump dumps, “You’re about ..to be out ..of the spotlight Ted ..whether it pleeezes you or not. Just tell your daughters to stand by their daddy. They’ll be safe in the shadows there.” Cruz the Snake quakes, “Your numbers are inflated !! In fact ..you’re inflated !!” ..”I’m inflated ? ..Have you seen Christie around?” ..”No one can see ..when Christie’s around,” Frank the Reporter quips ..from his hip lip. “Christie’s not here. His staff didn’t tell him about it ..again,” Bob the Capitol Snob remarks. “His staff says their candidate looks better ..if you keep him in the dark.” “Speaking of keeping someone in the dark ..where’s Carson ?” “He just found out that ..as a toad ..he has the power to change colors ..so he’s home with his wife looking at swatches,” Frank the Reporter reported AND had a follow-up, “Mr. Teeeeeeer-rump, were you afraid of Christie ?” “Yes. I was afraid Christie would eat some of my competitors. He calls them candy-dates.” ..”And that’s bad how ?” .. “I wanted to eat ‘um ALL. I wanted to chew ‘um up and spit ‘um out ..like I do reporters. I had some of my opponents skewered ..you know. Then when I fired ‘um ..I had a shish-ka-Jeb ..in a Kasich sauce.” Bill Clinton Toad twanged pissed, “Can we get on with this ? My wife has been exercising her mouth around the house for some time now ..to get in shape for this competition ..and she has a much more full-bodied resonant horn going now.” “And that’s good how ?” Bob prodded ..doing his snob job. “Well we’re not going to give your wife the Residency ..just becuz she has a large oval orifice ..or wears the pants suit in the family ..or is a newly resonantly horny toad.” ..Newt rebukes Bill ..old kook to old kook. “I don’t know why you wait on her foot and foot anyway ..she has her own servers.” ..”Becuz ..like all grandparent toadesses,” Old Willie Toad confesses, “if you don’t handle her carefully ..like all senior Capitol staff ..she’ll leak. And that ruins dresses.” ..”That’s disgusting,” Teeeeeeer-rump redresses, “I don’t know why the Frog Party ever thought that a warped arrow like her ..was the best in their quiver ..or that a female ..post menopause .. COULD deliver.” ..”And that matters why? Becuz here in Washington ..the top players eat their young like frogs and toads anyway,” Snob Bob poignantly jokes. “Are those ..your final quips and quotes?” Frank yanks Bob’s crank. “No. I’d like the listeners to take one further note. With the world getting warmer ..and the ice getting thin ..Weren’t our Amphibious Forefroggers so wise to conceive of a population that swims?” So on THAT aquaticly reproductive note ..this is Frank and Bob signing off ..from all of this frog pomp. Remember .. Kermit fan club members ..as the frog pond goes ..so goes the whole swamp.

Gallagher Smash!! Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Outside the White House ..on the White House front
> lawn ..lies a body of water ..called the White
> House frog pond ..and there congregate ..on idea
> logs ..a congress of old toads and younger frogs
> ..that represent this nation’s tadpoles and
> pollywogs ..and their leader is chosen once each
> fourth year ..just the same ..following the first
> full moon ..and the second hard rain ..by a kinda
> fair election of sorts ..overseen by this Supreme
> ..Frog and Toad Court ..appointed for life ..of
> older amphibia ..and their younger wives. ..And
> tonight this contest is being brought to you ..on
> double-u ..A ..aR ..Tee ..by Preparation Double-U
> ..for the removal of warts ..and now Frank ..back
> to you. Thanks Bob ..Yes ..here we are at pondside
> ..as the contestants warm up ..for the Forty-forth
> quad-annual Residential Burp-Up ..There are frogs
> from the midwest ..and toads from the coast
> ..there are big ones and small ones ..but
> there’s big ones the most ..for the way to win
> this bellicose contest ..is to BURP ..really LOUD
> ..and never make sense ..For it’s a pool-litical
> tradition ..ignored only by fools ..in D.C. never
> really say nothin’ ..just burp ..it’s the
> rules. Unlike the human run for the White House
> lame game ..you can’t BUY this contest ..but the
> press questions are ’bout the same ..as you’ve
> probably guessed ..”How many WARTS do you have ?
> How DEEP is your chest ? ..What’s your wife
> really like ?” ..”Where DID she get THAT dress
> ?” ..There’s no hanging chads ..or boxes to
> check ..But as usual ..in this gossip crucible
> ..there’s plenty of two-faced weasels and
> back-biting snakes ..but unlike the grub thugs
> infesting Watergate ..when we catch worms trying
> to plant bugs ..we eat ‘um both as hors
> d’oeuvres ..Of course they have bad taste ..and
> at the risk of sounding terse ..here in soggy
> bottom ..we’ve all eaten worse. “Come in Bob,
> the news bot ..tell us ..whataya got?” “Now
> that it’s stopped raining Frank ..and the full
> moon just rose ..up from the pond bottom ..come
> some frogs and toads in nice clothes. But down
> from Manhattan ..comin’ cummerbundin’ right at
> ‘um ..is the most well-tailored and tuxedoed of
> those toads. Yes ..now condescending onto our
> little bombastic bash ..is He ..who just can’t
> stand without talkin’ trash ..He ..for whom they
> coined the term “loom” ..His presence
> Broadcasting to ALL contenders ..their Impending
> doom. He ..who self-grooms ..his drought-ridden
> plumes ..those dying blooms of the war baby booms.
> With hair like a broom ..from the back room ..of a
> bar in Khartoum ..He ..who the crowd is now
> ..giving ample elbow room ..then breathing room
> ..head room ..operating room ..class room
> ..control room ..lecture room ..dressing down room
> ..his cutting room ..ball room ..tool room
> ..courtroom ..at da Boom Boom VIP Room ..unveils
> his towering Trump toad frame ..on the
> cold-blooded world stage ..like a chef presents
> his signature dish ..or a developer points to his
> landmark skyscraper just finished ..so did
> Teeeeeeer-rump ..as if ..enjoying a neighborhood
> pub Guinness ..folksily settles in and asks
> ..”Any whom ..How is this Burp-off going to work
> ? Becuz when I ..the great Teeeeeeer-rump the Gold
> Toad inhales ..won’t I take up ALL the air in
> the room ?” “You’re NOT first !” Cruz Toad
> announced ..as he cruised onto the stage.
> Teeeeeeer-rump the bully-frog doesn’t squat for
> that ..and steals back the show mo, “You’re a
> foreigner ..strike one. You’re not a toad
> ..you’re a snake ..strike two. Nobody in the
> Toad Party likes you ..strike three. You’re a
> Canadian ..strike four.” Cruz the Canadian Snake
> retaliates, “It’s not a popularity contest
> Bristlehead. It’s about coming up with a popular
> note ..that resonates with the crowd ..not just
> being loud.” Up Teeeeeeer-rump jumps, “O.k.
> girls and boys ..how about we throw Cousin Cruz
> Toad back into the pond to see if he can even make
> ripples there?” Seeing ..then seizing his
> opening ..Bernie Toad hops up on stage ..but
> before he can open his moth-eating mouth
> ..Teeeeeeer-rump inter-rumpts ..”And you’re
> not a registered frog ..or toad. You’re a
> salamander ..which is a snake ..with little legs
> ..And you’re a communist. I saw you Socializing
> ..all around the young ones.” Sanders the
> Salamander cajoles, “You’re jealous becuz
> I’m leading in the latest tad pole.” Carly ..a
> front-loaded printer Toad asks, “Is anyone
> challenging MY qualifications as a toad ?” “No
> Carly. Everyone is in agreement. You’re
> definitely ..a TOAD,” Teeeeeeer-rump goads. Bill
> Clinton an Arkansas social climber Frog stopped
> his hobnobbing long enuf to inquire, “What about
> my wife. When will she croak ?” “You tell
> us.” Gingrich ..the loudmouthed newt ..called
> out ..before Teeeeeeer-rump could swing at that
> soft-ball. “You should compete again Newt.
> You’re funny.” “It’s not about jokes
> ..Donald. It’s about decibels and harmony.”
> Bill the Cosby-colored bed-hopper Toad interjected
> himself, “I got pretty far with funny in my
> day..” “Your days are over ..you pond scum,
> Carly Toad up and up-staged every male tail-nailer
> to say. “Take your poisonous mucus and slime
> punch ..and slide away.” “Bummer,” Cosby the
> Pond Scum mumbled, “I heard this Burp-up was
> open to all comers.” “Teeeeeeer-rump stumped,
> ” I plan to shoot first ..and answer questions
> later ..when I assume the Residency and have been
> debriefed.” Sanders the Socialist Salamander
> shot back, “Well ..I support the second
> amendment and I’m going to stick to my guns and
> I assume the Residency also ..and I wouldn’t
> ever be caught de-briefed.” Teeeeeeer-rump
> ambushed him, “Toads who know you ..say you have
> a hair-trigger temper ..and they seemed like
> straight-shooters to me.” Sanders asking for
> candor bantered, “Are you trying to ingratiate
> yourself with the NRA by talkin’ all this gun
> talk ?” Teeeeeeer-rump quipped “Haven’t I
> always ..shot from the hip ?” Frank the Reporter
> retorted, “Our experience is that you shoot from
> the lip ..Donald. Look how you picked on Jeb
> ..calling him low energy.” Teeeeeeer-rump
> jumped, “And Jeb gets over THAT hurdle ..by
> getting a pocketful of turtles ..the race cars of
> the animal world..the speed bumps on the road to
> the Residency ..I take back my “low energy”
> comment as Jeb’s appraisee ..and trade it in for
> “stupid” ..”lazy” ..and “crazy.” Frank
> the Reporter chortles ..then begins to ask,
> “Aren’t you afraid the media..”
> Teeeeeeer-rump grumps, ” Hell no ! ..I’m not
> afraid of the media. We toads are used to being
> dissected and run over. I don’t know why we’re
> even having a contest that’s obviously over and
> done. Haven’t I already won? In fact ..I
> remember seeing a crowd,” Teeeeeeer-rump mused
> tearing up. “There were thousands ..cheering
> Trump !” Cruz the Snake recoils, “A crowd ?
> Listen my two little girl toads dry out quickly
> ..so could we keep them OUT of the spotlight ?
> Pleeeze.” Teeeeeeer-rump dumps, “You’re
> about ..to be out ..of the spotlight Ted ..whether
> it pleeezes you or not. Just tell your daughters
> to stand by their daddy. They’ll be safe in the
> shadows there.” Cruz the Snake quakes, “Your
> numbers are inflated !! In fact ..you’re
> inflated !!” ..”I’m inflated ? ..Have you
> seen Christie around?” ..”No one can see
> ..when Christie’s around,” Frank the Reporter
> quips ..from his hip lip. “Christie’s not
> here. His staff didn’t tell him about it
> ..again,” Bob the Capitol Snob remarks. “His
> staff says their candidate looks better ..if you
> keep him in the dark.” “Speaking of keeping
> someone in the dark ..where’s Carson ?” “He
> just found out that ..as a toad ..he has the power
> to change colors ..so he’s home with his wife
> looking at swatches,” Frank the Reporter
> reported AND had a follow-up, “Mr.
> Teeeeeeer-rump, were you afraid of Christie ?”
> “Yes. I was afraid Christie would eat some of my
> competitors. He calls them candy-dates.”
> ..”And that’s bad how ?” .. “I wanted to
> eat ‘um ALL. I wanted to chew ‘um up and spit
> ‘um out ..like I do reporters. I had some of my
> opponents skewered ..you know. Then when I fired
> ‘um ..I had a shish-ka-Jeb ..in a Kasich
> sauce.” Bill Clinton Toad twanged pissed, “Can
> we get on with this ? My wife has been exercising
> her mouth around the house for some time now ..to
> get in shape for this competition ..and she has a
> much more full-bodied resonant horn going now.”
> “And that’s good how ?” Bob prodded ..doing
> his snob job. “Well we’re not going to give
> your wife the Residency ..just becuz she has a
> large oval orifice ..or wears the pants suit in
> the family ..or is a newly resonantly horny
> toad.” ..Newt rebukes Bill ..old kook to old
> kook. “I don’t know why you wait on her foot
> and foot anyway ..she has her own servers.”
> ..”Becuz ..like all grandparent toadesses,”
> Old Willie Toad confesses, “if you don’t
> handle her carefully ..like all senior Capitol
> staff ..she’ll leak. And that ruins dresses.”
> ..”That’s disgusting,” Teeeeeeer-rump
> redresses, “I don’t know why the Frog Party
> ever thought that a warped arrow like her ..was
> the best in their quiver ..or that a female ..post
> menopause .. COULD deliver.” ..”And that
> matters why? Becuz here in Washington ..the top
> players eat their young like frogs and toads
> anyway,” Snob Bob poignantly jokes. “Are those
> ..your final quips and quotes?” Frank yanks
> Bob’s crank. “No. I’d like the listeners to
> take one further note. With the world getting
> warmer ..and the ice getting thin ..Weren’t our
> Amphibious Forefroggers so wise to conceive of a
> population that swims?” So on THAT aquaticly
> reproductive note ..this is Frank and Bob signing
> off ..from all of this frog pomp. Remember ..
> Kermit fan club members ..as the frog pond goes
> ..so goes the whole swamp.


“Chew em up and spit them out”...PRICELESS LOL!

Gallagher Smash! Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Mike wishes he could tell jokes and talk politics
> like the main man ... G-man ... geez-man... it's
> Gallagher!


Mike: 8 followers; 3 of which are in this thread. One of them actually masturbates to his daughter’s facebook photos and then posts them here.

Gallagher? Millions of fans. I guess we’ll change this thread to discussing Gallagher; a pioneer and true icon of 80’s comedy.

Sorry, Mike.

I second this. Gallagher is timeless and essential. It's time to evolve from unfunny (Mike) to comic gold (Gallagher).

Sorry Mike. Sometimes you throw the suitcase, and um, sometime it throws you.

Which Gallagher? You know there's two of them, right?

And I don't think Mike masturbates to pictures of his daughters. Begone with that scurrilous talk!

Good luck with that

I dunno, I'm more about Yakov Smirnoff. Like Campho-Phenique, Yakov is only ever topical.

I guess we'll meet up at Pappy's Pizza and thrash this out over some Billy Beers.

Agree with switching topics though. Gallagher is more relevant now than Mike ever was.

Guys, I'd prefer if we agreed to stick with Gallagher. He's really funny and he's my favorite. Thanks in advance.
Attachments:

Bob Dylan's Talking Like Gallagher Blues
--------

Matriculate .. wanna copulate .. ain't college great? Can't Cogitate! .. camel toe .. dick's gonna blow .. she ain't no pig .. Pigs knuckle .. kerfluffle .. old men shuffle .. shuffleboard ... bored ..

Ruth Buzzi .. Her fuzzy, Snazzy snatch .. what a catch! .. Wait! It calibrates .. menstruates .. she'll pontificate .. you won't celebrate (no handjob or blowjob) .. masturbate .. micturate .. hypochondria .. mitochondria .. can't consummate .. my erection - unused perfection!

Kon-tiki .. Nefertiti .. fertility .. hilarity .. Hillary .. Black hills .. Black wheels .. blacks steal .. nest stealin' cuckoo's are absurd .. cuckoo clocks .. clucks .. cucks .. dumbfucks .. erupt .. buy coke by the truck .. coffee spoons .. coffee maker .. drink maker, only stir it! .. In stirrups .. a new baboon .. milk balloons .. welfare .. u care?

Gallagher all the way. So do we just ignore that peekza child porn pervert from here on out, or tell him to fuck off each time he posts?

Fuck off nog faggot

The G man has (had) a brother that would do his act. They went to court over it. Interesting story and worth Google time unlike TMOS

I am a real Omerican
Fight for the rights of every man
I am a real omerican
Fight for what’s right
FIGHT FOR YOUR LIFFFEEEEEE

Happy weekend gang! My wish for 2018 was 7 days a week of the tmos show but repeat listens will help pass the time. Also be sure to do all yer shopping through the amazon tab- the tmos show is an official partner of amazon! What a fruitful relationship it has been for both parties. Many more parties to come with the tmos show wo wo wo!

I’m in Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Gallagher all the way. So do we just ignore that
> peekza child porn pervert from here on out, or
> tell him to fuck off each time he posts?


He seems to just want attention. Probably wore a helmet as a child. I say ignore him. He’ll go away eventually.

Wife was depressed last night and drank waaaaay too much Schnaps Crème de menthe. She passed out on the sofa and when I came to wake her up she had soiled herself and rolled in it for most of the night. When I helped her getting off the couch her dress was stuck to the cushions - glued in place by partially dried shit.

What good is the 8k steel toilet upstairs if she acts like this?

lamest attempt yet...Good luck with that

Robb and Carla at it again! Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Wife was depressed last night and drank waaaaay
> too much Schnaps Crème de menthe. She passed out
> on the sofa and when I came to wake her up she had
> soiled herself and rolled in it for most of the
> night. When I helped her getting off the couch
> her dress was stuck to the cushions - glued in
> place by partially dried shit.
>
> What good is the 8k steel toilet upstairs if she
> acts like this?



Don't wanna wait 'til you know me better
Let's just be glad for the time together
Life's such a treat and it's time you taste it
There ain't a reason on earth to waste it
It ain't a crime to be good to yourself

Lick it up, lick it up, it's only right now
Lick it up, lick it up, ooh yeah
Lick it up, lick it up, come on, come on
Lick it up, lick it up

Don't need to wait for an invitation
You gotta live like you're on vacation
There's something sweet you can't buy with money -
lick it up, lick it up
It's all you need, so believe me honey
It ain't a crime to be good to yourelf

Come on - it's only right now (it's only right now)
Ooh yeah (ooh yeah) ooh yeah (ooh yeah), yeah yeah

peekza Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> lamest attempt yet...Good luck with that


I sense he'll be installing an abattoir next.

as with his other regodamdiculous posts, in his mind only. lord knows there's plenty o room there

"Mr Penguin"

This is an open letter..From the bottom of the globe ..Could you call me Mister Penguin .. Becuz I’m wearing my best clothes ..All my Penguin friends are also ..In their black and white tuxedoes ..We live where it’s sooo cold ..Even in summer ..there’s ice and snow ..I wish I had an overcoat
..Last night I nearly froze ..My other wish is for some shoes ..I’ve never had a pair of those..How can a gentleman feel well-dressed ..If the whole world can see his toes? ..My third wish is for furniture ..I’ve never ever sat or took a seat ..My forth wish is for a walking stick ..I could lean on that ,,at least ..My fifth wish is for a top hat ..So my wife could find me easily ..My sixth wish is for a carnation ..To make my formal look complete ..My last wish is for a Fairy Godmother ..To show up and grant my wishes ..For all us penguin fellas ..We’ll take like fifty Cinderellas ..Or other such good-lookin’ dishes ..Up north…Eskimo couples rub their nose ..But down South Pole way…we like real lip kisses ..I have our egg …on top my feet ..So a kiss is no threat to my misses ..She’s off for months …munchin’ a bunch for lunch ..Of nutritious fishes fishes fishes ..
Imagine tellin’ your wife ..You hope she comes back fat ..While you have nothing for months delicious ..When a fella has on his monkey suit ..He wants to have a ball ..Black and white is just right for men ..But our girls have on ..The same ole thing we wear ..and that’s all !..They need color to express their inner selves ..But there’s no clothes for sale ..on our ice shelves ..
And it’s a thousand miles ..at least..to the East Tierra del Fuego Mall ..There’s too much decorum in our forum ..If you can believe it ..Our quorum suffers from total boredom ..Some high fashion would relieve it ..So when she comes to call ..Could Fairy Godmother be a doll
And bring about a thousand ..Woolen stocking caps ..And matching non-scratching shawls?..
Penguin women all have cold shoulders ..A good day here …is just one squall ..So who can blame our wives for being frigid ..If their fluid drive has stalled ..We’ve never had a chance to dance ..Or even stand …where the cold wind can’t ..We have all this room in Antarctica ..But ..not ..one whoppin’ ..wind-stoppin’ ..wall ..We Penguins appear to be ..At a well-attended party
..Where no one seems to be that relaxed ..Is it becuz no one has an icebreaker? ..Or they’re afraid …you’ll mention …they’re fat? ..No. How can you have a happy chat ..And yak and yak ..
If everyone is standing ..belly to back ? ..I’m just glad Penguins don’t wear backpacks ..So we’re not rude ..We’re just keepin’ warm ..We’re in the nude …and below zero ..is our norm ..
We’ve gotta be the most boring ..Of all the frozen stiff life forms ..Our knees would be knocking ..if we had ’em ..When we huddle ..it’s not like we cuddle ..Cuz we don’t know Eve from Adam .I just say ..” ‘Scuse me …sir ..or madam ..As I shove my front bumper at ‘um ..Our society has just two stratum ..Those in the warm center ..Who seem to stay way past their tenure ..And those on the outside ..About to pitch a temperature tantrum ..This global warming thing is a two-sided coin ..The less we’re cold…the more it’s showing ..Our homeland is melting and flowing and goin’ ..No one seems to care ..for a fat flightless bird ..on a melting iceberg ..We need the polar bears ..or the baby seals ..p.r. firm ..We don’t move so good..I’m a pile of stored fat ..I couldn’t take a bow ..Or join in ..in a fight ..if a row broke out somehow ..More helpless than turtles ..When we’re on our back ..If you’re not well-liked in Penguinville ..They leave you belly-up …and that’s that ..You can’t lend a hand ..With a wing-thing…right? ..We penguins are just bowling pins ..And the cold wind …wants a strike !..I’ve worn a tuxedo all my life ..And never been to anything formal ..I’ve never been anywhere WITH my wife ..Now tell me…Is THAT normal? ..We’d gladly pay a sitter ..But I don’t have a wallet ..or a pocket .My wife and I worked all our lives ..But The South Pole is non-profit ..She’d like to go to market ..She’s heard of this thing ..Non-polar women ..called “carpet” ..She says half an acre …on our glacier ..Would really really rock it !..I’d rather have an electric space heater ..But Argentina is the closest socket ..”It’s not the end of the world” ..Some may say ..”If a penguin’s wish ..Does not become an actual fact.” ..But if you came to Antarctica ..You’d see ..the end of the world ..Is exactly where we’re at !..Mister President ..Please load those fat planes ..The C one fifties ..the pentagon built for war ..With a government surplus celebration ..Cuz we’re just that desperate and bored ..You humans ..you bring tons of cameras and gear here ..But no champagne or streamers ..To make a movie ’bout birds ..Who are obviously dressed …for New Year’s ..But before you say ..”So what?” ..Let me be clear ..The Chinese have offered us ..Fire-crackers and beer ..The Russians caviar ..The French livery pâté’ ..But we could really use a Ford one fifty ..And ..oh yah ..a Segue’ ..Forty-four snowboards ..And from your friends the English ..two Beamers ..If America wants to win us guys ..From all the world’s schemers ..Start droppin’ mana from the skies ..
And not just beans and wieners ..We want ..what we’ve seen you’ve done ..For those screamers ..the lemurs ..Just becuz we never lay down ..Doesn’t mean we penguins aren’t dreamers ..And for our morning after jolt to bolt ..Can Starbucks send five hundred coffees ..With sardine-flavored creamers ? ..And a dozen raw oysters ..We can’t get down here ..I think you call um steamers.
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what what what
peekza takes it in the butt

SUPPORT THE MIKE O MEARA SHOWWWWW

"Rock Solid"

We can be a quite a ways away …Not talk on the phone for days …Leave each other all alone …Becuz what we got …It just stays …ROCK SOLID …’Cuz we’re in that SOLID state …SOLID like the bedrock …Makes that granite bowl …that holds …The oceans …and the lakes …Nuthin’ here that’s volatile …Nuthin’ ’bout to vaporize …Nothin’ flowin’ …nothin’ goin’ …Our love …it’s so SOLIDIFIED …ROCK SOLID …Nothin’ ’bout to melt down …Our love keeps its SOLID shape and form …Add some heat …it just gets warm …SOLID silver SOLID gold …It’s the same thing …thru and thru …Like a SOLID citizen …Dependable …and True …SOLID color …SOLID hue …Nourishing …like SOLID food …Like a SOLID block of voters …That’s always there for you …Truth knows no substitution …When building ( creating ) relations …or a nation …The firmer the constitution …The more SOLID the foundation …You won’t know you’ve found …the SOLID grounds …’Till you dig …wide and deep …Below the shifting sands …To SOLID land …Then ….pour your concrete …Becuz we knew sometimes …Love is blind …We took our time …To take …a hard look …and take stock …Then when we were sure …Our love was viable …We opened up our Bible …And built our house on SOLID ROCK ! …Rock SOLID …Like what you learned in school …About a SOLID …Our love has length and width and height ..And like an unbroken SOLID line ..Once every day ..your hand in mine ..In love we stay ..’Cuz ..When it’s right ..it’s right …it’s right …Rock SOLID. All the ( in every ) way.
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Someone make peekza another thread so he and his trolls can go whine in there.

Obama's Final Thoughts
by Gallagher

********

I know they just call it the Presidency
But I thought ..the office ..was really ..KING.
Aren’t I THE Commander ..and THE Chief ?
Doesn’t the buck stop here ..in MY residency
Where they hang ..the really big beefs
And the evening news ..expects ME ..to fix ..EVERYTHING !!
“Off with their heads !!”
That’s what I keep wishing ..I’d said.
But I pitch ..a big ‘ole ..P.C. ..Democratic tent.
So I’ve had to put up ..with all kinds of guff
And go with the darn flow …wherever it went.
I dug the POMP ..but not the CIRCUMSTANCE ..or the hassle.
You know a nut shot ..and then got ..right into this castle ?
It’s called the Whitehouse ..because it’s not the Whitehome.
So somebody better tell ..the Trump-a-lumpa
When he gets to the end …of the American’s ..yelling brick road
And expects ..their crown and scepter
And ..of course ..Trumpets ..when he gets there ..and accepts their nuclear codes.
There’ll be a throne room ..for his rumpa ..the Grand Bumpa.
And when he sits there ..he’ll see ..there’ll be ..a hole ..on top of the throne.
Attachments:

It's just not going to happen

peekza Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Whine whine whine

Go away. Nobody here likes you.

Conversational Curry Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Listen: I was fooling around with my wife last
> night. I noticed she hadn't shaved her pits in a
> while. As I gently began tickling the stubble, she
> jokingly called it her "pepper."
>
> Post-coitus, our discussion turned - as it often
> does - to Gallagher.

AND luckily for us the cameras were rolling, allowing us to witness this seminal moment!
Attachments:

Tennis anyone?
Attachments:

Gallagher Rox!! Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Tennis anyone?

Bring on page 893...Semper Gallagher!

The shows have reached another valley... Too boring to comment other than to comment that they are too boring.

Jen Ettix Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> The shows have reached another valley... Too
> boring to comment other than to comment that they
> are too boring.

No way fellow omerican I don’t think they’ve hit their stride yet but 2000 shows in we can see the results! Bonus shows up 45% this year!!! The people can’t get enough of that the tmos show stuff!

Give wide open Wednesday a second listen and you will get it!

Midwives spent over an hour delivering a basketball sized shit from my starfish. They had to do rotations with a wad-screw attached to the brown baby pulling and yanking till my bowels grudgingly released its precious cargo. Starfish now resembles a dead sucker fish mouth from the mighty Mississippi.

Need to go murder some subhuman wetbacks with my Buick - that will cheer me up.

The tmos show Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Jen Ettix Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > The shows have reached another valley... Too
> > boring to comment other than to comment that
> they
> > are too boring.
>
> No way fellow omerican I don’t think they’ve
> hit their stride yet but 2000 shows in we can see
> the results! Bonus shows up 45% this year!!! The
> people can’t get enough of that the tmos show
> stuff!
>
> Give wide open Wednesday a second listen and you
> will get it!


The subs are not up 45%

peekza Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> The tmos show Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > Jen Ettix Wrote:
> >
> --------------------------------------------------
>
> > -----
> > > The shows have reached another valley... Too
> > > boring to comment other than to comment that
> > they
> > > are too boring.
> >
> > No way fellow omerican I don’t think
> they’ve
> > hit their stride yet but 2000 shows in we can
> see
> > the results! Bonus shows up 45% this year!!!
> The
> > people can’t get enough of that the tmos show
> > stuff!
> >
> > Give wide open Wednesday a second listen and
> you
> > will get it!
>
>
> The subs are not up 45%

Good catch I didn’t proofread it, make that subs up 54% year to year! Good thing it’s not cheap with production costs and all the salary on payroll! Plus Robb meals and incidentals aren’t anything to sneeze at

Do you think the sledge-o-matic could bash they the suck that is TMOS

Brown 0nion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Midwives spent over an hour delivering a
> basketball sized shit from my starfish. They had
> to do rotations with a wad-screw attached to the
> brown baby pulling and yanking till my bowels
> grudgingly released its precious cargo. Starfish
> now resembles a dead sucker fish mouth from the
> mighty Mississippi.
>
> Need to go murder some subhuman wetbacks with my
> Buick - that will cheer me up.


What an asshole this is the MOMS thread not a KKK scat chat. Fuck you.

Gallagher is no Carrot Top.

Wentz Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Brown 0nion Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > Midwives spent over an hour delivering a
> > basketball sized shit from my starfish. They
> had
> > to do rotations with a wad-screw attached to
> the
> > brown baby pulling and yanking till my bowels
> > grudgingly released its precious cargo.
> Starfish
> > now resembles a dead sucker fish mouth from the
> > mighty Mississippi.
> >
> > Need to go murder some subhuman wetbacks with
> my
> > Buick - that will cheer me up.
>
>
> What an asshole this is the MOMS thread not a KKK
> scat chat. Fuck you.


Youcan thank peekza for inviting them in here.

Robbb blobbb Wrote:
------------------------------------------------------
>
>
> Youcan thank peekza for inviting them in here.


link?

I bet Cary's underarms are sometimes fuzzy and scented.

God money I'll do anything for you.
God money just tell me what you want me to
God money nail me up against the wall.
God money don't want everything he wants it all.
No you can't take it
No you can't take it
No you can't take that away from me
No you can't take it
No you can't take it
No you can't take that away from me
Head like a hole.
Black as your soul.
I'd rather die than give you control.
Head like a hole.
Black as your soul.
I'd rather die than give you control.
Bow down before the one you serve.
You're going to get what you deserve.
Bow down before the one you serve.
You're going to get what you deserve.
God money's not looking for the cure.
God money's not concerned with the sick among the pure.
God money let's go dancing on the backs of the bruised.
God money's not one to choose
No you can't take it
No you can't take it
No you can't take that away from me
No you can't take it
No you can't take it
No you can't take that away from me
Head like a hole.
Black as your soul.
I'd rather die than give you control.
Head like a hole.
Black as your soul.
I'd rather die than give you control.
Bow down before the one you serve.
You're going to get what you deserve.
Bow down before the one you serve.
You're going to get what you deserve.
Bow down before the one you serve
You're going to get what you deserve.
Bow down before the one you serve.
You're going to get what you deserve.
Head like a hole.
Black as your soul.
I'd rather die than give you control.
Head like a hole.
Black as your soul.
I'd rather die than give you control.
Head like a hole.
Black as your soul.
I'd rather die than give you control.
Head like a hole.
Black as your soul.
I'd rather die than give you control.
Bow down before the one you serve.
You're going to get what you deserve.
Bow down before the one you serve.
You're going to get what you deserve.
Bow down before the one you serve.
You're going to get what you deserve.
Bow down before the one you serve.
You're going to get what you deserve.

Poor trollie. Poor, poor trollie. He posts and posts, and he even takes the time to find pictures, and nobody cares. Nobody likes him, nobody wants him around, and nobody pay any attention to him.

It's sad. All that wasted time and effort. And poor trollie gets so mad and upset, because he just can't figure out why no one pays any attention.

This is what he looks like right now:
Attachments:

Bad Baby Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Poor trollie. Poor, poor trollie. He posts and
> posts, and he even takes the time to find
> pictures, and nobody cares. Nobody likes him,
> nobody wants him around, and nobody pay any
> attention to him.
>
> It's sad. All that wasted time and effort. And
> poor trollie gets so mad and upset, because he
> just can't figure out why no one pays any
> attention.
>
> This is what he looks like right now:


Well, you care enough to post and add a picture, so good job.

So Blobb doesn't want to pay the full year parking pass ($250) for half a year? So, to save $125, he will drive her to/and from school? How about not buying four Beetles albums over the next three months?

Mike is offering to sell his bike to the Klubbers and he cant shit fast.

Both of them are going to Bingo. Modern men of wealth.

Bad Baby Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Poor trollie. Poor, poor trollie. He posts and
> posts, and he even takes the time to find
> pictures, and nobody cares. Nobody likes him,
> nobody wants him around, and nobody pay any
> attention to him.
>
> It's sad. All that wasted time and effort. And
> poor trollie gets so mad and upset, because he
> just can't figure out why no one pays any
> attention.
>
> This is what he looks like right now:

Best autobiographical post in this thread ever.

Bad Baby Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Poor trollie. Poor, poor trollie. He posts and
> posts, and he even takes the time to find
> pictures, and nobody cares. Nobody likes him,
> nobody wants him around, and nobody pay any
> attention to him.
>
> It's sad. All that wasted time and effort. And
> poor trollie gets so mad and upset, because he
> just can't figure out why no one pays any
> attention.
>
> This is what he looks like right now:

Go away, peekza.

Why? I didn't post that

Intractable Insobriety Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Bad Baby Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > Poor trollie. Poor, poor trollie. He posts
> and
> > posts, and he even takes the time to find
> > pictures, and nobody cares. Nobody likes him,
> > nobody wants him around, and nobody pay any
> > attention to him.
> >
> > It's sad. All that wasted time and effort.
> And
> > poor trollie gets so mad and upset, because he
> > just can't figure out why no one pays any
> > attention.
> >
> > This is what he looks like right now:
>
> Best autobiographical post in this thread
> ever.

And the Centurion said "Truly this was the Son of God."

Bad Baby Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Something of no consequence.

Bad Boy: if you are feeling butt-hurt, or I touched a nerve, maybe get off my cock? I wrote you a song and brought you a picture to cheer you up:

Ballad of Bad Boy
-----------------
Bad Boy, get on your knees and point your ass to the sky
I'm working my flesh mike and you can't deny
Your ass is my sperm bank and I'm repaying my loan
My cock a loaded weapon and you've got to get boned

I've got six big inches of stiff meat uncut
And you'll see I've got some wicked buildup
When I pull the skin back to present my cock head
You can smell all the twinks that I've taken to bed
Lick your lips bitch

Listen hungry man I'm your TV dinner
Don't let me cool

There's tube steak and ball butter here
In the Banquet I'll be holding in your rear

My junk is so big but don't worry
Slide in easy
And I've Got the anal ese to make your hole numb and greasy

Now Don't squirm Bad Boy, especially when I'm erected cause
I'm sure to rip you and Get your ass infected

The tip of my dick will be in so deep
I'll squirt something you'll be sure to feel
And add a side of throat yogurt to your last eat meal

break it down bitch

My pants are tight
Tonight I want to rape you right
And this is true seriousness
And I'll ride your ass like a bike
And when I pull out Bad Boy, you'll be bleeding
Bring a butt plug or Tampax else your boxers'll need cleaning

You are really going to enjoy being my bitch.
Attachments:

Also, "They were living in the marital home." No, Drinkmaster O'Meara, you broke the marital home. They were living with their mother and New Daddy.

Macho Mike! "What a Fat ass"
Attachments:

Let's play "Count the Chins"!
Attachments:

The family crest custom painted on the front of his $35k+ toy really screams everyman doesn't it? Remember that the next time he is screaming about entitled rich people...from his primary residence.

BOAd Guy 667 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Let's play "Count the Chins"!


Fattt Load...

peekza Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> The family crest custom painted on the front of
> his $35k+ toy really screams everyman doesn't it?
> Remember that the next time he is screaming about
> entitled rich people...from his primary residence.

Nobody gives a fuck at all. Get off the internet and go suck Mike’s cock since you’re so fascinated with him.

Now, back to Gallagher.

Cary: My husband could not tell you what year I graduated from high school if you put a gun to his head, but can immediately tell you that Katie graduated in 1989.

Re: The Mike O'Meara Show
Posted by: nog cock ()
Date: January 19, 2018 11:33AM
As the kids used to say, "pix or it didn't happen"
Links to shows and times that TMOS discussed FFXU or it didn't happen. Go post in the shit thread, you fucking nog faggot, pizza.

peekza Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I'm perfectly fine with you thinking it didn't
> happen...The rest of us know the truth


That's what I thought.

Minute 39, a new Alcoholic Brain Damage record:

"I read Vanity Fair, I read Newsweek, I read Sports Illustrated, I love Vanity Fair as well."

peekza's a homo Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Re: The Mike O'Meara Show
> Posted by: nog cock ()
> Date: January 19, 2018 11:33AM
> As the kids used to say, "pix or it didn't
> happen"
> Links to shows and times that TMOS discussed FFXU
> or it didn't happen. Go post in the shit thread,
> you fucking nog faggot, pizza.
>
> peekza Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > I'm perfectly fine with you thinking it didn't
> > happen...The rest of us know the truth
>
>
> That's what I thought.


sick burn from someone who calls themself nog cock

Gallagher's a hack.

Stole my act.

This is standard nigger faggot pizza behavior

Pizza can’t not respond

Pizza believes his nigger faggot ass lives rent free in Mike’s head

Like normal, nigger dick pizza is wrong