Good Lord, no wonder I've been grumpy the past couple of days. I just dropped a deuce that a B-52 bomber would have found difficult to carry. My toilet just packed its bags and left the house.

Wow, I need a cigarette. I feel like a whole new man!

I had a beet salad last night and now my toilet looks like a shooting gallery!

OW! My S-BEND!

it's almost lunch time sounds like you are having a shit samwhich

pics or GTFO

You eat beets, then take a crap, holy shit it looks like your colon was shredding with pieces of broken glass....
anyway, to the OP: if that puppy didn't break the water-line, and essentially become a man-made atoll, it is not noteworthy.

open eyez Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> You eat beets, then take a crap, holy shit it
> looks like your colon was shredding with pieces of
> broken glass....
> anyway, to the OP: if that puppy didn't break the
> water-line, and essentially become a man-made
> atoll, it is not noteworthy.


True, water line breaking should be a prerequisite for threads like these...

And where are the damn pictures?

 

Congratulations! Nothing like a true bowel emptying experience.
My theory has always been that the ills of the world are caused by people who can't get laid and/or take a good dump.
But when you see that huge log in the bowl , and you feel fully emptied, you're ready to take on the world!

open eyez Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> You eat beets, then take a crap, holy shit it
> looks like your colon was shredding with pieces of
> broken glass....
> anyway, to the OP: if that puppy didn't break the
> water-line, and essentially become a man-made
> atoll, it is not noteworthy.

It was no mere atoll; Hawaii was briefly the second largest island in the US.

I regret not taking pictures. Now I want to put pictures of it in my wallet and show it off like a newborn child.

"Here's a picture of my parents. Here's a picture of my wife. Here's a picture of the gigantic man-sized dump that left me in a zen like state of calm."

Three hours later and I still feel like I could take on the world. Huzzah!

Positively Giddy Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> open eyez Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > You eat beets, then take a crap, holy shit it
> > looks like your colon was shredding with pieces
> of
> > broken glass....
> > anyway, to the OP: if that puppy didn't break
> the
> > water-line, and essentially become a man-made
> > atoll, it is not noteworthy.
>
> It was no mere atoll; Hawaii was briefly the
> second largest island in the US.
>
> I regret not taking pictures. Now I want to put
> pictures of it in my wallet and show it off like a
> newborn child.
>
> "Here's a picture of my parents. Here's a picture
> of my wife. Here's a picture of the gigantic
> man-sized dump that left me in a zen like state of
> calm."
>
> Three hours later and I still feel like I could
> take on the world. Huzzah!


you crack me up man

 

Taking a huge dump is my private Zanadu.

I have been farting a lot since my surgery. It is starting to ease now.

-----------------------------------------------

"...your suffering will be legendary even in Hell!"

lol I hate when you take big shits or diarrhea and it splatters everywhere and doesn't go down with the flush

I prefer the ones that slam against the bowl of the toilet leaving an impermeable skid mark. Great thing when you are at someone else's house party.

-----------------------------------------------

"...your suffering will be legendary even in Hell!"

Pinhead the Cenobite Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I have been farting a lot since my surgery. It is
> starting to ease now.


What type of surgery might cause that?

Had my appendix out Friday night/Saturday morning. It is apparently a common "side effect" (or post operation consequence).

-----------------------------------------------

"...your suffering will be legendary even in Hell!"

Pinhead the Cenobite Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I prefer the ones that slam against the bowl of
> the toilet leaving an impermeable skid mark.
> Great thing when you are at someone else's house
> party.

Let me tell you, I expected this epic movement to leave a lot more skid marks than an 18 wheeler doing a panic stop on the interstate, but there was nary a hint once the flush completed.

I will say that I had one hand on the plunger as the toilet worked to move my masterpiece. I didn't need it though, the whole thing went down eventually.

I think I figured out what happened. My wife made chili this weekend with a ton of beans, and a pasta salad using whole grain pasta. I've had leftovers for practically every meal this week, so my system had more fiber in it than a cardboard factory. That all added up to one gigantic dump that Homer would have written an epic about if he were still alive. Iliad, Odyssey, and Deuce.

Positively Giddy Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Good Lord, no wonder I've been grumpy the past
> couple of days. I just dropped a deuce that a
> B-52 bomber would have found difficult to carry.
> My toilet just packed its bags and left the
> house.
>
> Wow, I need a cigarette. I feel like a whole new
> man!


Was your number 2 a 3 or a 4?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bristol_Stool_Scale

Baby Jesus smiles.

-----------------------------------------------

"...your suffering will be legendary even in Hell!"

I can smell that!!!! -gag

For some reason, every time I look at this thread I can't stop laughing.