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Hooks in Your Penis
Posted by: Be worried. Very worried ()
Date: January 10, 2012 07:30PM

This is a fish/parasite local to the Amazon that crawls up your urethra (that’s your pee hole) or vagina then drives hooks in so you can’t pull it out. It has been said to cause so much pain that men would rather cut their penises off than stand the pain long enough for an alternate treatment. Candiru are very rarely documented and they’re only in the Amazon, so you probably don’t have to worry. But you should still worry. There’s a creature that has evolved to drive hooks into your penis. You should constantly be worried.

Remember a time when getting Gonorrhea was just embarrassing, but generally not a big deal? Forget it. New studies have shown a strain of super Gonorrhea that resists antibiotics, both oral and intravenous. That means that, for the time being, it is incurable, and, if you catch it, it could burn when you pee forever. Also, it’s still embarrassing.

There’s a parasitic disease called Toxoplasmosis that is primarily hosted by cats and can be spread by changing kitty litter and even eating some undercooked meat. When rodents catch it, it removes their fear of cats and even causes them to be drawn to the smell of cat urine. Some other behavioral symptoms include decreased novelty seeking, slower reactions, and big sweaters emblazoned with cat puns.

Over 80% of the United State’s cocaine supply contains a cattle deworming drug called levamisole. That just seems like regular gross, right? Well, yes, that, PLUS it can rot the skin off your nose, ears, and cheeks. You need those things. They’re what make your face. The dead skin can heal back up as a big scar once the cocaine is out of your system. Or it can also kill you. Because it’s flesh-eating cocaine. Obviously it can kill you.


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Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Hooks in Your Penis
Posted by: Übermensch ()
Date: January 10, 2012 07:46PM

Cocaine that's bad for you? I've gonna have to call your bluff on this one...

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Hooks in Your Penis
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: January 11, 2012 08:53AM

From this day forward, I vow to keep my penis out of the Amazon.

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