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I can't figure out how to wipe my ass.
Posted by: DirtyDrawers ()
Date: March 03, 2011 06:10PM

I can't seem to ever get my ass clean after a shit. I go through a half roll sometimes, peeling more shit off my ass than originally came out naturally. Afterwards I always have that uncomfortable feeling until I get a shower. It stinks. Literally. Can anyone help this 28yr old man??

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Re: I can't figure out how to wipe my ass.
Posted by: Gonads & Strife ()
Date: March 03, 2011 06:14PM

it's sad to see that me from one year in the future still has this problem... You'd think i'd have found a solution by then

----------------------------------------------------

Who is Gonads & Strife?
Outing on FFU: I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all Robert Paulson...or Eesh...or Eli...

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Re: I can't figure out how to wipe my ass.
Posted by: Harry Tuttle ()
Date: March 03, 2011 06:14PM

If you know you always just end up showering, why not just cut right to the showering?

Saves paper...

Signatures are for fags

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Re: I can't figure out how to wipe my ass.
Posted by: voodoo slut ()
Date: March 03, 2011 06:14PM

Here are step-by-step instructions, Miz.

http://www.howtowipeyourbutt.com/

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Re: I can't figure out how to wipe my ass.
Posted by: Harry Tuttle ()
Date: March 03, 2011 06:14PM

How many voodoosluts aare there!?

Signatures are for fags

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Re: I can't figure out how to wipe my ass.
Posted by: bloody blisters ()
Date: March 03, 2011 06:16PM

Harry Tuttle Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> How many voodoosluts aare there!?


2...hundred...thousand

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Re: I can't figure out how to wipe my ass.
Posted by: Charmin ()
Date: March 03, 2011 06:24PM

DirtyDrawers Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I can't seem to ever get my ass clean after a
> shit. I go through a half roll sometimes, peeling
> more shit off my ass than originally came out
> naturally. Afterwards I always have that
> uncomfortable feeling until I get a shower. It
> stinks. Literally. Can anyone help this 28yr old
> man??

It sounds like you might need more fiber in your diet. You
could try Benefiber and see if that works any better. Otherwise,
try the Turkish method. Use your fingers to wipe and have
a bowl of lemon oil handy to clean them with.

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Re: I can't figure out how to wipe my ass.
Posted by: Harry Tuttle ()
Date: March 03, 2011 06:26PM

I've said it before... and I'll say it again...

shaveyourassholeit'llreduceyourwipingto1/3andyourboyfriendwillloveit....

(SYAHIRYWT1/3AYBFWLI)

Soon, it will be as recognizable an acronym as LOL...

Signatures are for fags

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Re: I can't figure out how to wipe my ass.
Posted by: Gonads & Strife ()
Date: March 03, 2011 06:29PM

Charmin Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------

> It sounds like you might need more fiber in your
> diet. You
> could try Benefiber and see if that works any
> better. Otherwise,
> try the Turkish method. Use your fingers to wipe
> and have
> a bowl of lemon oil handy to clean them with.


That isn't even close to being right. I'm sure you'll claim to know first hand somehow, but you're lying.

----------------------------------------------------

Who is Gonads & Strife?
Outing on FFU: I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all Robert Paulson...or Eesh...or Eli...

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Re: I can't figure out how to wipe my ass.
Posted by: LuLu ()
Date: March 03, 2011 11:40PM

DirtyDrawers Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I can't seem to ever get my ass clean after a
> shit. I go through a half roll sometimes, peeling
> more shit off my ass than originally came out
> naturally. Afterwards I always have that
> uncomfortable feeling until I get a shower. It
> stinks. Literally. Can anyone help this 28yr old
> man??


Lay off the constant diet of McD's, Dominos and booze! Eat a vegetable once in a while, have some water, and you might eventually have a good quality crap. Cheers!

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Re: I can't figure out how to wipe my ass.
Posted by: Corn Master ()
Date: March 03, 2011 11:46PM

Harry Tuttle wrote :
------------------------
> "If you know you always just end up showering,
> why not just cut right to the showering?
> Saves paper...


HEAVENS NO !
YOU'LL GET SHIT-CHUNKS IN YOUR SHOWER POOF.

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Re: I can't figure out how to wipe my ass.
Posted by: Charmin ()
Date: March 04, 2011 12:18AM

Gonads & Strife Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Charmin Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
>
> > It sounds like you might need more fiber in
> your
> > diet. You
> > could try Benefiber and see if that works any
> > better. Otherwise,
> > try the Turkish method. Use your fingers to
> wipe
> > and have
> > a bowl of lemon oil handy to clean them with.
>
>
> That isn't even close to being right. I'm sure
> you'll claim to know first hand somehow, but
> you're lying.


I heard the lemon oil thing from GI's who had pulled tours in Turkey
and have nothing to link to but if you like I can pose the question
to some of them who are on my vet's websites. As far as the toilet's
in Turkey go, have a look.:

http://www.ehow.com/how_4494183_use-turkish-toilet.html

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Re: I can't figure out how to wipe my ass.
Posted by: Charmin ()
Date: March 04, 2011 04:34AM

Charmin Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Gonads & Strife Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > Charmin Wrote:
> >
> --------------------------------------------------
>
> > -----
> >
> > > It sounds like you might need more fiber in
> > your
> > > diet. You
> > > could try Benefiber and see if that works any
> > > better. Otherwise,
> > > try the Turkish method. Use your fingers to
> > wipe
> > > and have
> > > a bowl of lemon oil handy to clean them with.
> >
> >
> > That isn't even close to being right. I'm sure
> > you'll claim to know first hand somehow, but
> > you're lying.
>
>
> I heard the lemon oil thing from GI's who had
> pulled tours in Turkey
> and have nothing to link to but if you like I can
> pose the question
> to some of them who are on my vet's websites. As
> far as the toilet's
> in Turkey go, have a look.:
>
> http://www.ehow.com/how_4494183_use-turkish-toilet
> .html


Oops! Sorry. Should have highlighted this part:

"The paper available might instead be there for you to dry your hands with, after cleaning up with water or your fingers. If there is toilet paper and a hose, spigot and bucket, you may be expected to use water to force the toilet paper and waste down through the plumbing."

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Re: I can't figure out how to wipe my ass.
Posted by: ProVallone ()
Date: March 04, 2011 07:03AM

Ass wiping isn't as easy as most seem to think it is. The OP is very ass aware , which many people are not. In fact, most hardly wipe their asses at all , depending on their underwear to create a safe buffer between their filthy rectum and the world.
Regular toilet paper doesn't do the job, not if you like a really clean ass. Jumping in the shower isn't always an option. Sometimes the best you can do is carry some handy wipes or use some wet paper towels.
Be advised however, that even if you scrub and rinse , your ass will still smell shortly thereafter. After all, why do you think it's called ass?

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Re: I can't figure out how to wipe my ass.
Posted by: Dr. Itchykrak ()
Date: March 04, 2011 07:53AM

ProVallone Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Ass wiping isn't as easy as most seem to think it
> is. The OP is very ass aware , which many people
> are not. In fact, most hardly wipe their asses at
> all , depending on their underwear to create a
> safe buffer between their filthy rectum and the
> world.
> Regular toilet paper doesn't do the job, not if
> you like a really clean ass. Jumping in the shower
> isn't always an option. Sometimes the best you can
> do is carry some handy wipes or use some wet paper
> towels.
> Be advised however, that even if you scrub and
> rinse , your ass will still smell shortly
> thereafter. After all, why do you think it's
> called ass?


I'm getting the impression that there are people on this thread who
are suffering from Anal Fixation Syndrome which is a result of poor
potty training as a child. They are to be pitied and not criticized
as AFS falls under the American With Disabilities Act and discriminating
against them could result in civil and/or criminal charges. The
next time you see someone scratching or digging in their ass, please
try and understand. BTW, AFS sufferers may qualify for a disability
pension under SS. Please contact a colo-rectal clinic near you for
details.

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Re: I can't figure out how to wipe my ass.
Posted by: ProVallone ()
Date: March 04, 2011 08:17AM

I get the impression that there are people on this thread who run around with a feces caked ass, stained underwear, and stink out every room they're in.

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Re: I can't figure out how to wipe my ass.
Posted by: Gonads & Strife ()
Date: March 04, 2011 08:18AM

Charmin Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------

> I heard the lemon oil thing from GI's who had
> pulled tours in Turkey
> and have nothing to link to but if you like I can
> pose the question
> to some of them who are on my vet's websites. As
> far as the toilet's
> in Turkey go, have a look.:
>
> http://www.ehow.com/how_4494183_use-turkish-toilet
> .html


I will give you credit for that website. It is accurate in the description, but the procedure is far less taxing than it seems. Also, unless you're in the eastern part of the country (and I mean bordering Iraq) the in-ground crapper holes are actually pretty nice and won't spray anything when you're finished. Bottom line is nobody in the developed part of Turkey (parts not occupied by the PKK) is using their fingers to clean their ass. As a vet myself I can tell you that we say things like that to civilians all the time because we heard it from someone else. Purple monkey dishwasher. Get it?

----------------------------------------------------

Who is Gonads & Strife?
Outing on FFU: I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all Robert Paulson...or Eesh...or Eli...

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Re: I can't figure out how to wipe my ass.
Posted by: Charmin ()
Date: March 04, 2011 08:42AM

Gonads & Strife Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Charmin Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
>
> > I heard the lemon oil thing from GI's who had
> > pulled tours in Turkey
> > and have nothing to link to but if you like I
> can
> > pose the question
> > to some of them who are on my vet's websites.
> As
> > far as the toilet's
> > in Turkey go, have a look.:
> >
> >
> http://www.ehow.com/how_4494183_use-turkish-toilet
>
> > .html
>
>
> I will give you credit for that website. It is
> accurate in the description, but the procedure is
> far less taxing than it seems. Also, unless you're
> in the eastern part of the country (and I mean
> bordering Iraq) the in-ground crapper holes are
> actually pretty nice and won't spray anything when
> you're finished. Bottom line is nobody in the
> developed part of Turkey (parts not occupied by
> the PKK) is using their fingers to clean their
> ass. As a vet myself I can tell you that we say
> things like that to civilians all the time because
> we heard it from someone else. Purple monkey
> dishwasher. Get it?


Okay, I get it. I spent a tour in Germany and shared a room with two
other GI's who had both pulled tours in Turkey. At that time Turkey
was considered one of the worst assignments in the world and I had
no desire to be stationed there. They also told me about the ladies
of the prisons.

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Re: I can't figure out how to wipe my ass.
Posted by: dika-dika ()
Date: March 04, 2011 08:44AM

Get some tucks or preparation H medicated wipes (join costco and get them in bulk cheap). Wipe your ass with them after using toliet paper for a real good cleaning. Hide and store a box/pack at the job so when use the job shitter. This way in case if you pass out at work and folks have to drop your pants and show your shorts or panties there won't be any shit stains in them. Also it is good for an itchy asshole and hemorrhoids and you will stop scratching and digging in your ass in public.

Look at it like this, you gotta do what a man got to do with your nasty ass, shit smelling finger and shit stained underwear.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

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Re: I can't figure out how to wipe my ass.
Posted by: Charmin ()
Date: March 04, 2011 08:54AM

Charmin Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Gonads & Strife Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > Charmin Wrote:
> >
> --------------------------------------------------
>
> > -----
> >
> > > I heard the lemon oil thing from GI's who had
> > > pulled tours in Turkey
> > > and have nothing to link to but if you like I
> > can
> > > pose the question
> > > to some of them who are on my vet's websites.
> > As
> > > far as the toilet's
> > > in Turkey go, have a look.:
> > >
> > >
> >
> http://www.ehow.com/how_4494183_use-turkish-toilet
>
> >
> > > .html
> >
> >
> > I will give you credit for that website. It is
> > accurate in the description, but the procedure
> is
> > far less taxing than it seems. Also, unless
> you're
> > in the eastern part of the country (and I mean
> > bordering Iraq) the in-ground crapper holes are
> > actually pretty nice and won't spray anything
> when
> > you're finished. Bottom line is nobody in the
> > developed part of Turkey (parts not occupied by
> > the PKK) is using their fingers to clean their
> > ass. As a vet myself I can tell you that we say
> > things like that to civilians all the time
> because
> > we heard it from someone else. Purple monkey
> > dishwasher. Get it?
>
>
> Okay, I get it. I spent a tour in Germany and
> shared a room with two
> other GI's who had both pulled tours in Turkey. At
> that time Turkey
> was considered one of the worst assignments in the
> world and I had
> no desire to be stationed there. They also told me
> about the ladies
> of the prisons.

Gonads,
One of the cultural shocks I went through in Thailand was their
toilets. On a train it was a hole in the floor with two pieces of
rubber tire to place your feet on while squatting. You could see
the the railroad ties through the hole. In the villages they just
disappeared behind some bushes. Whenever I was out and about I always
carried a roll of TP in my AWOL bag just in case. In the towns large
enough for a hotel I remember seeing this sign frequently.

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3292/2671298735_7a0ac4b888_z.jpg

On our post in Udorn, we had the same signs up in the latrines
for the locals who used them.

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Re: I can't figure out how to wipe my ass.
Posted by: Me too ()
Date: March 04, 2011 09:51AM

I have the same problem, I use so much toilet paper, sometimes I wet it and wipe to get completely clean.

Best way without showering is be a man, use your hand... with water of course!

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Re: I can't figure out how to wipe my ass.
Posted by: DirtyDrawers ()
Date: March 04, 2011 10:20AM

Well "use water" like where? I'm in a shitter stall at work. Bowl water? Fuck that. Wet wipes is a good idea, but does it really clean out the asshole area?


Thanks for the conversations!!

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Re: I can't figure out how to wipe my ass.
Posted by: Well ()
Date: March 04, 2011 11:42AM

What guy carries wet wipes on them? Just take a water bottle with you.. use that,tp, and your hand.

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Re: I can't figure out how to wipe my ass.
Posted by: dika-dika ()
Date: March 04, 2011 12:20PM

They work good as wipes. I use them both at home and work. They do clean your asshole. I can pass out in public with no worry about the condition of my shorts and you will never see me scratching/digging my ass in public.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Attachments:
unnamed.jpg
51BN15qLKTL__SL500_AA300_.jpg

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Re: I can't figure out how to wipe my ass.
Posted by: Max. ()
Date: March 04, 2011 12:32PM

dika-dika Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> They work good as wipes. I use them both at home
> and work. They do clean your asshole. I can
> pass out in public with no worry about the
> condition of my shorts and you will never see me
> scratching/digging my ass in public.


Use a tampax or pad, place it near your butt hole. Will keep your shorts free of any residual and neglected poop.

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Re: I can't figure out how to wipe my ass.
Posted by: Gonads & Strife ()
Date: March 04, 2011 12:36PM

Charmin Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Gonads,
> One of the cultural shocks I went through in
> Thailand was their
> toilets. On a train it was a hole in the floor
> with two pieces of
> rubber tire to place your feet on while squatting.
> You could see
> the the railroad ties through the hole. In the
> villages they just
> disappeared behind some bushes. Whenever I was out
> and about I always
> carried a roll of TP in my AWOL bag just in case.
> In the towns large
> enough for a hotel I remember seeing this sign
> frequently.
>
> http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3292/2671298735_7a0
> ac4b888_z.jpg
>
> On our post in Udorn, we had the same signs up in
> the latrines
> for the locals who used them.


hahaha, that stinks. too bad you had a shitty time over there. i hear their food is the poo.

----------------------------------------------------

Who is Gonads & Strife?
Outing on FFU: I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all Robert Paulson...or Eesh...or Eli...

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Re: I can't figure out how to wipe my ass.
Posted by: dika-dika ()
Date: March 04, 2011 01:48PM

If you got a hardcore asshole. Recommend this, if it can clean a gun barrel, it sure can clean your asshole.

If that is too tough, ask a gay boy, they got be doing somthing to keep their shitter open and clean.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Attachments:
s7_211277_999_01.jpg

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Re: I can't figure out how to wipe my ass.
Posted by: ProVallone ()
Date: March 04, 2011 03:00PM

The Preperation H pads are a stellar idea. One of the worst things about hemmoroids is that it hurts too much to wipe properly. These things are designed with that in mind.
Thanks for sharing on this vital subject.

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Re: I can't figure out how to wipe my ass.
Posted by: Charmin ()
Date: March 04, 2011 05:22PM

Gonads & Strife Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Charmin Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > Gonads,
> > One of the cultural shocks I went through in
> > Thailand was their
> > toilets. On a train it was a hole in the floor
> > with two pieces of
> > rubber tire to place your feet on while
> squatting.
> > You could see
> > the the railroad ties through the hole. In the
> > villages they just
> > disappeared behind some bushes. Whenever I was
> out
> > and about I always
> > carried a roll of TP in my AWOL bag just in
> case.
> > In the towns large
> > enough for a hotel I remember seeing this sign
> > frequently.
> >
> >
> http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3292/2671298735_7a0
>
> > ac4b888_z.jpg
> >
> > On our post in Udorn, we had the same signs up
> in
> > the latrines
> > for the locals who used them.
>
>
> hahaha, that stinks. too bad you had a shitty time
> over there. i hear their food is the poo.


Really wasn't a "shitty time".:) I was 18 and learned quick. The
food was iffy. Fruit and veggies, no problem but restaurants were
another story. Good restaurants in Bangkok but we had to check a
list of approved places compiled by the Army medics. There was no
such thing as a government health inspection like we have but if they
would request to participate in the program and keep it clean they could
be on the list. Sometimes GI's do stupid things and eat whatever
winds up in front of them especially after they've had a few. When
you leave Bangkok it's another world. Some food smells half rotted
but the locals could eat it with no problem. We would puke if too
near. There was also TB and yellow hep. I ate some strange critters in
the villages but that was part of the experience. The best part of the tour though was the abundance of extremely attractive young ladies who really
like Americans. (Imagine that!) Quite a few of my fellow troops married
local girls and my vets websites tell me they made good choices.:)
I hear Turkey wasn't too good in that area.

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Re: I can't figure out how to wipe my ass.
Posted by: Gonads & Strife ()
Date: March 05, 2011 06:31PM

Charmin Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Really wasn't a "shitty time".:) I was 18 and
> learned quick. The
> food was iffy. Fruit and veggies, no problem but
> restaurants were
> another story. Good restaurants in Bangkok but we
> had to check a
> list of approved places compiled by the Army
> medics. There was no
> such thing as a government health inspection like
> we have but if they
> would request to participate in the program and
> keep it clean they could
> be on the list. Sometimes GI's do stupid things
> and eat whatever
> winds up in front of them especially after they've
> had a few. When
> you leave Bangkok it's another world. Some food
> smells half rotted
> but the locals could eat it with no problem. We
> would puke if too
> near. There was also TB and yellow hep. I ate some
> strange critters in
> the villages but that was part of the experience.
> The best part of the tour though was the abundance
> of extremely attractive young ladies who really
> like Americans. (Imagine that!) Quite a few of my
> fellow troops married
> local girls and my vets websites tell me they made
> good choices.:)
> I hear Turkey wasn't too good in that area.


I had a Turkish guy in my unit and he would always brag that Turkish women were so beautiful blah blah blah...we stopped in Turkey for a while on our way to Afghanistan and there were a few women helping out with food and stuff at the air base. They were BUSTED! We made fun of him for a while after that. ...and then I married a Turkish woman. Go figure, right?

----------------------------------------------------

Who is Gonads & Strife?
Outing on FFU: I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all Robert Paulson...or Eesh...or Eli...

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: I can't figure out how to wipe my ass.
Posted by: Charmin ()
Date: March 06, 2011 05:35AM

Gonads & Strife Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Charmin Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > Really wasn't a "shitty time".:) I was 18 and
> > learned quick. The
> > food was iffy. Fruit and veggies, no problem
> but
> > restaurants were
> > another story. Good restaurants in Bangkok but
> we
> > had to check a
> > list of approved places compiled by the Army
> > medics. There was no
> > such thing as a government health inspection
> like
> > we have but if they
> > would request to participate in the program and
> > keep it clean they could
> > be on the list. Sometimes GI's do stupid things
> > and eat whatever
> > winds up in front of them especially after
> they've
> > had a few. When
> > you leave Bangkok it's another world. Some food
> > smells half rotted
> > but the locals could eat it with no problem. We
> > would puke if too
> > near. There was also TB and yellow hep. I ate
> some
> > strange critters in
> > the villages but that was part of the
> experience.
> > The best part of the tour though was the
> abundance
> > of extremely attractive young ladies who really
>
> > like Americans. (Imagine that!) Quite a few of
> my
> > fellow troops married
> > local girls and my vets websites tell me they
> made
> > good choices.:)
> > I hear Turkey wasn't too good in that area.
>
>
> I had a Turkish guy in my unit and he would always
> brag that Turkish women were so beautiful blah
> blah blah...we stopped in Turkey for a while on
> our way to Afghanistan and there were a few women
> helping out with food and stuff at the air base.
> They were BUSTED! We made fun of him for a while
> after that. ...and then I married a Turkish woman.
> Go figure, right?


Glad to hear things went so well for you. My friends were stationed
in Sinop where it rains sideways and snows uphill. :)

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Re: I can't figure out how to wipe my ass.
Posted by: tokinituo1969 ()
Date: April 24, 2012 10:57PM

i neeed a clean bunghole

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Re: I can't figure out how to wipe my ass.
Posted by: Bruce Variety ()
Date: April 24, 2012 11:29PM


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Re: I can't figure out how to wipe my ass.
Posted by: res ()
Date: April 25, 2012 10:19AM

Not joking.... but a teaspoon of Metamucil in the morning mixed with juice will solve your problems. No more mess, things come out nice and easy...if you know what I mean.

Don't hate Metamucil cause its marketed to older people. Look at it this way, your just adding fiber to your diet that is obviously lacking it.

Try it for a few days, you'll see!!!

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Re: I can't figure out how to wipe my ass.
Posted by: seriousboy ()
Date: April 25, 2012 10:24AM

This is a sick disgusting thread but if serious then here is my serious reply.


YOU NEED AN ENEMA! ASAP!

I suggest getting an enema once every 2-5 years.

My very first time after wards I felt so light and clean and the junk that does not get removed by mother nature gets washed out by water and the extra junk being washed away is what keeps you sick.

So after being washed inside I had so much energy I felt like so normal like a baby sleeping nice and sound and I felt content and at peace.


So please go try getting an enema ASAP!

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Re: I can't figure out how to wipe my ass.
Posted by: Ahmayzin ()
Date: April 25, 2012 10:42AM

Skid marks
Shorty Shit stains

Damn, seriousboy makes an enima sound like getting super powers. I think I'm going to go ahead and give myself an enima tonight!

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Re: I can't figure out how to wipe my ass.
Posted by: how? ()
Date: April 25, 2012 02:01PM

seriousboy Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> This is a sick disgusting thread but if serious
> then here is my serious reply.
>
>
> YOU NEED AN ENEMA! ASAP!
>
> I suggest getting an enema once every 2-5 years.
>
> My very first time after wards I felt so light and
> clean and the junk that does not get removed by
> mother nature gets washed out by water and the
> extra junk being washed away is what keeps you
> sick.
>
> So after being washed inside I had so much energy
> I felt like so normal like a baby sleeping nice
> and sound and I felt content and at peace.
>
>
> So please go try getting an enema ASAP!

How does one go about getting an enema?

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Re: I can't figure out how to wipe my ass.
Posted by: infoboy ()
Date: April 25, 2012 03:39PM

how? Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> seriousboy Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > This is a sick disgusting thread but if serious
> > then here is my serious reply.
> >
> >
> > YOU NEED AN ENEMA! ASAP!
> >
> > I suggest getting an enema once every 2-5
> years.
> >
> > My very first time after wards I felt so light
> and
> > clean and the junk that does not get removed by
> > mother nature gets washed out by water and the
> > extra junk being washed away is what keeps you
> > sick.
> >
> > So after being washed inside I had so much
> energy
> > I felt like so normal like a baby sleeping nice
> > and sound and I felt content and at peace.
> >
> >
> > So please go try getting an enema ASAP!
>
> How does one go about getting an enema?

safeway or giant sells FLEET bottles you fill with warm water.

Some places add mint or super healthy tea style herbs to make your insides smell good.
Just like your skin your inside ass has its own oils. Its brown and goopy and helps with the delivry of the old stuff to be pooted out.

But yeah enemeas clean out the good goop too.

The way I do it is like this.

3 very warm enemas and make the last one cold.

So I keep squirting water up in there until I think that maybe it the amount of water might slightly hurt. So once you get a feeling like the amount of water inside is not comfortable then stop and push the water out.

Maybe like me the first time you could only handle a tiny amount and that is normal. But over time you get used to it and can handle more and more.

So from A to Z once you are done then you will feel super clean kinda like the cleanest you have ever been. This is when I put on the Depeche Mode song called CLEAN..... the cleanest Ive been! end to the tears and the in between years and the troubles Ive seen... now I'm clean. The cleanest I've been.

LOL

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Re: I can't figure out how to wipe my ass.
Posted by: Ahmayzin ()
Date: April 25, 2012 03:41PM

lmao @ infoboy

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Re: I can't figure out how to wipe my ass.
Posted by: themechanic_11 ()
Date: August 26, 2012 06:28AM

Look up Calonic or Hydro-Therapy. Theres an afffordble clinic in Springfield you actually get undressed, on the table and slide down to where a disposable tube entrs your ass and supplies filtered properly temperatured water to irrigate you... The shit comes out and down the drain. They supply you with Vaseline and paper towels, etc.. bring a book to read. or cell phone to play games. The best I had was in L.A. (A Thai girl I believe administered it) And she had a machine where she can view through a clear pipe the shit she was getting out. She would also massage the abdoman\intseinal areas of my stomach to help break up the years of crap that can attach itself to your intestines. My mother dies from Colon CANCER, I decided to take this approach. Gave me peace of mind if a woman were to use a strap on dildo on me. (Something kinky about this in some way) And since it's not an active part of my sex life with significant other (She does not consider it a valid form of sex with us) Then it's not cheating... Heck, I can look at it in a way as Therapeutic excercises. If your a lady in the Fairfax county are with curiosity we can offer something to eachother. I am on yahoo messenger

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Re: I can't figure out how to wipe my ass.
Posted by: help is coming ()
Date: August 26, 2012 06:35AM

The OP is obviously an Obama supporter. He now wants the government to wipe his ass for him.

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Re: I can't figure out how to wipe my ass.
Posted by: Barack Obama ()
Date: August 26, 2012 09:52AM

help is coming Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> The OP is obviously an Obama supporter. He now
> wants the government to wipe his ass for him.

I support this message.

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Re: I can't figure out how to wipe my ass.
Posted by: Howiwipe ()
Date: August 26, 2012 12:42PM

In the shower i turn the water head into a jet stream of shooting power into my anus. I spread my cheeks so the stream hit it nice and hard on my soapy ass.

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Re: I can't figure out how to wipe my ass.
Posted by: bo duke ()
Date: September 14, 2012 01:51AM

You can purchase and install what they call a bidet. It shoots a stream of water at your butt crack for as long as you have the water switch turned. It attaches to the water that goes to your toliet. The water tube is hooked to a apperatus that fits between the tolite seat and the rim of the toliet and then the sprayer is pointed(adjusted like you want). I've used on when I was in Japan on a visit.

I guess, if you wanted, you could even use your hand or fingers with the stream of shooting/spraying water form the bidet to get even cleaner, but perhaps just using the shooting spray of water might be enough to get your butt home clean.

When I shower I usually clean my butthole LAST! But I always like to take tissue and wet it to wipe and clean before I shower. I use soap and my fingers and actually stick my finger in my rectum to get as deep as I can to make sure I am squeeky clean. There are wands that hook to your shower head and you stick them up your butthole entering your rectum hole and you let the water clean tyou out even deeper. like an enema. You can also use the old type douche bags that women use to clean their vaginas out. It had a rubber bladder/bag and you fill it with warm soapy water (or even gasoline if you REALLY want a thrill) (just a bit of humor, kidding) and you squirt the water up your rectum after inserting a small stem that has a few tiny holes in the end of it. I saw one chrome dildo looking wand that hooks to your shower head(look like a penis) and you stick it up you butthole to get you butt ready for man sex, homosexuals use them I reckon.
I use my finger and soap and try to get as deep as I can without causing myself too much discomfort. Some people may even like the feeling, but thats another subject I guess. Hope this might help you.
Cheers! Sincerly yours, Senior Analyst

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Re: I can't figure out how to wipe my ass.
Posted by: Jake BBBBB ()
Date: October 09, 2012 05:00PM

you're not drinking enough water. really. try it. you probably drink a lot of coffee too. ??

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Re: I can't figure out how to wipe my ass.
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: October 09, 2012 07:48PM

Ass wiping is against nature. Don't do it.
Really, just stop and you'll see, it's just a waste of time.

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Re: I can't figure out how to wipe my ass.
Posted by: Wipe Away by: Di ()
Date: June 05, 2013 02:35PM

I just saw your post looking for solutions myself.
I have the same issues so I keep a spray bottle next to the toilet to wash away
the mess so I don't end up using a whole roll of TP.
Also I just bought better TP by Charmin Ultra Soft Mega Roll (Costco)this really does a much better job if you know what I mean!
Good Luck! Eat more veggies too'

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Re: I can't figure out how to wipe my ass.
Posted by: not so clean after alll ()
Date: December 30, 2013 08:20PM

Why is it every time after I shit n wipe my ass it feels clean n looks clean on the last wipe but 10 mins later. It leaks. Why do I leak? After the leak, I do one final wipe. Then im good til I take my next dump. Then it repeat. Smh. It just started a few months ago.

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Re: I can't figure out how to wipe my ass.
Posted by: Just Say No ()
Date: January 01, 2014 02:32PM

my stepbrother kept his bottom dirty, he made big skids in all our white pairs of underwears. I use to be embarrassed by it when changing at school, i use to threaten to hold him down and wipe his bottom.

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