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I'm on a seafood diet...
Posted by: Mr. Misery ()
Date: February 11, 2010 07:43PM

...I see-food, I eat it!


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Re: I'm on a seafood diet...
Posted by: Mr. Misery ()
Date: February 11, 2010 07:45PM

Q: What's brown and sticky?

A: A stick


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Re: I'm on a seafood diet...
Posted by: Mr. Misery ()
Date: February 11, 2010 07:48PM

A roast beef walks into a bar. Bartender says, "sorry, we don't serve food".



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Re: I'm on a seafood diet...
Posted by: graymoose1 ()
Date: February 11, 2010 10:40PM

To termites walk into a tavern and ask " is the bar tender?"

---------------------------------------------------
W.W.S.D. what would Scooby Doo

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Re: I'm on a seafood diet...
Posted by: eesh ()
Date: February 11, 2010 11:13PM

FEED ME




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Re: I'm on a seafood diet...
Posted by: Harry Tuttle ()
Date: February 11, 2010 11:20PM

I bet if I started your seafood diet, I'd lose weight...

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Re: I'm on a seafood diet...
Posted by: MrMephisto ()
Date: February 12, 2010 09:41AM

Q: What's purple and goes, "putt putt putt?"

A: An outboard grape.

--------------------------------------------------------------
13 4826 0948 82695 25847. Yes.

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Re: I'm on a seafood diet...
Date: February 12, 2010 09:43AM

Q. What did one gerbil say to the other while standing outside of a gay bar?

A. Let's get shit-faced.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://bible.cc/1_corinthians/13-11.htm

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Re: I'm on a seafood diet...
Posted by: eesh ()
Date: February 12, 2010 09:47AM

Once there was a snail who was tired of being slow. He went out and bought a really fast sports car and had the dealer paint a big 'S' on each side of it.

Whenever someone saw him zooming past in his new car, they would say, "Hey, look at that S-car go!"

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Re: I'm on a seafood diet...
Posted by: Numbers ()
Date: February 12, 2010 09:50AM

A Jew, an Arab and a Mexican walk into a bar. The bartender says "Get the fuck out!"

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Re: I'm on a seafood diet...
Posted by: Gonads & Strife ()
Date: February 12, 2010 09:51AM

Q: What's the difference between sand and period blood?

A: You can't gargle sand.

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Re: I'm on a seafood diet...
Date: February 12, 2010 11:32AM

Numbers Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> A Jew, an Arab and a Mexican walk into a bar. The
> bartender says "Get the fuck out!"


LOL!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://bible.cc/1_corinthians/13-11.htm

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Re: I'm on a seafood diet...
Posted by: Harry Tuttle ()
Date: February 12, 2010 02:45PM

Two flamingos are standing next to each other on one leg. The first one asks the second one, "What do you feel like eating?".

The second one thinks about it for a second and says... "SHRIMP!"
[That's right... I take being unfunny to a whole new level!]
By the way, that was a Harry Tuttle original...

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Re: I'm on a seafood diet...
Posted by: TheMeeper ()
Date: February 12, 2010 02:48PM

A default Sans Serif font walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve your type here!"

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Re: I'm on a seafood diet...
Posted by: Alias ()
Date: February 13, 2010 12:50AM

Two peanuts are walking down the street. One was a salted.

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Re: I'm on a seafood diet...
Posted by: eesh ()
Date: February 13, 2010 12:59AM

Why is potassium a racist element?

Because, when you put three of them together, you get KKK.

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Re: I'm on a seafood diet...
Posted by: zing ()
Date: February 13, 2010 01:04AM

eesh Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Why is potassium a racist element?
>
> Because, when you put three of them together, you
> get KKK.


Why is eesh a racist faggot?

Because when you put his three personalities together, you get gay, gay, gay.

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Re: I'm on a seafood diet...
Posted by: in the devil's defense ()
Date: February 13, 2010 01:21AM

mephisto needs to reveal more personal info on eesh/ej/pd/valutime so it will scare away this fuckin faggot once and for all

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Re: I'm on a seafood diet...
Posted by: Alias ()
Date: February 13, 2010 01:40AM

How did Hitler tie his shoes?

In little knotsies.

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Re: I'm on a seafood diet...
Posted by: Mr. Misery ()
Date: February 13, 2010 06:25PM

eesh Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Once there was a snail who was tired of being
> slow. He went out and bought a really fast sports
> car and had the dealer paint a big 'S' on each
> side of it.
>
> Whenever someone saw him zooming past in his new
> car, they would say, "Hey, look at that S-car go!"

WINNER
Attachments:
ebertapproval.jpg

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Re: I'm on a seafood diet...
Posted by: Mr. Misery ()
Date: February 13, 2010 06:27PM

Alias Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> How did Hitler tie his shoes?
>
> In little knotsies.

LOSER
Attachments:
ebertdisapproval copy.jpg

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Re: I'm on a seafood diet...
Posted by: Mr. Misery ()
Date: February 13, 2010 06:34PM

TheMeeper Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> A default Sans Serif font walks into a bar. The
> bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve your type
> here!"

RUNNER-UP
Attachments:
ebertrentit.jpg

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Re: I'm on a seafood diet...
Posted by: Alias ()
Date: February 13, 2010 08:52PM

I think this contest was rigged!!

A late entry:

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.

I think I've forgotten this before.

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Re: I'm on a seafood diet...
Posted by: § ()
Date: February 13, 2010 10:43PM

A knee-slapper, indeed.

It's too bad Steven Wright came up with it first.

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Re: I'm on a seafood diet...
Posted by: TheMeeper ()
Date: February 13, 2010 11:08PM

§ Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
>
> It's too bad Steven Wright came up with it first.

LOL. I saw Steven Wright live when I was in college.

The first thing he said when he came out was "If anyone here is stoned, please remain in your seat."

He was fucking great.

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Re: I'm on a seafood diet...
Posted by: § ()
Date: February 13, 2010 11:12PM

He's the driest of them all. Haven't seen him since Half-Baked in '98. Funny as hell.

He once said, "I spilled Spot Remover on my dog, and now he's gone."

Also, "I named my dig "Stay" because I loved the look on his face when I called him: Come here, Stay. Come here, Stay. He was so confused."

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Re: I'm on a seafood diet...
Posted by: TheMeeper ()
Date: February 13, 2010 11:42PM

§ Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> "I named my dig "Stay" because I loved the look on his face when I called him: Come here, Stay. Come here, Stay. He was so confused."


He was an East German Shepherd. Very disciplined.

Steven Wright was a comedy tend-setter back then, and because of that his stuff seems pretty dated nowadays. No one did dry, absurdist stand-up at that level back then. After Wright became popular, stuff like SNL's "Jack Handey" and Seinfeld's "show about nothing" became the new modern trends in comedy.

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Re: I'm on a seafood diet...
Posted by: § ()
Date: February 13, 2010 11:46PM

Good follow! Haha!

If you like Wright, try Dmetri Martin. He's the closest to Wright these days.

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