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Welcome to Fairfax Underground, a project site designed to improve communication among residents of Fairfax County, VA. Feel free to post anything Northern Virginia residents would find interesting.
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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: May 19, 2019 09:58PM

Apparently the storm passed here. I’m talking to my sister on the telephone wishing her encouragement. Our bowels have betrayed us but no one in our family other than Clarence never gives up.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: 5am guy ()
Date: May 20, 2019 04:58AM

Hi all! 5am guy checking in again. 5am guy will be finishing his work week in a few hours just as most of the world is beginning their work week. 5am guy has gotten a little crazy after all these years of working the graveyard shift. 5am guy will have the next two nights off and 5am guy plans to drink beer and watch netflix. Tomorrow 5am guy will visit his mom in the nursing home. 5am guy sends out best wishes to all the bib's.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: May 20, 2019 06:07AM

5am guy Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Hi all! 5am guy checking in again. 5am guy will be
> finishing his work week in a few hours just as
> most of the world is beginning their work week.
> 5am guy has gotten a little crazy after all these
> years of working the graveyard shift. 5am guy will
> have the next two nights off and 5am guy plans to
> drink beer and watch netflix. Tomorrow 5am guy
> will visit his mom in the nursing home. 5am guy
> sends out best wishes to all the bib's.


That is very nice of you five am and hope you get a chance to relax. Those hours are difficult, and not always best for those of us with posterior problems.


It looks like another beautiful day in the area. Going to spend time with white people at First Watch, have a healthy breakfast, and see what kind of groceries are available at Whole Foods. It is important to remember to take care of our colon, and I do wish the stores would put up foods based on the Bristol Stool Guide. This important reference helps all.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Bristol Stool Guide teee hee ()
Date: May 20, 2019 11:59AM

Brown Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> 5am guy Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > Hi all! 5am guy checking in again. 5am guy will
> be
> > finishing his work week in a few hours just as
> > most of the world is beginning their work week.
> > 5am guy has gotten a little crazy after all
> these
> > years of working the graveyard shift. 5am guy
> will
> > have the next two nights off and 5am guy plans
> to
> > drink beer and watch netflix. Tomorrow 5am guy
> > will visit his mom in the nursing home. 5am guy
> > sends out best wishes to all the bib's.
>
>
> That is very nice of you five am and hope you get
> a chance to relax. Those hours are difficult, and
> not always best for those of us with posterior
> problems.
>
>
> It looks like another beautiful day in the area.
> Going to spend time with white people at First
> Watch, have a healthy breakfast, and see what kind
> of groceries are available at Whole Foods. It is
> important to remember to take care of our colon,
> and I do wish the stores would put up foods based
> on the Bristol Stool Guide. This important
> reference helps all.

Bristol Stool Guide teee hee
Bristol Stool Guide teee hee
Bristol Stool Guide teee hee
Bristol Stool Guide teee hee

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: May 20, 2019 03:37PM

The groan throne is getting tiring. I’ve watched two movies so far. Might watch Good Morning Vietnam before dropping napalm on the slopes. It’s a shame what a betraying set of bowels can do to a man.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: get help ()
Date: May 20, 2019 05:13PM

you people disgust me - revolting gifs are a sign of mental illness as are the harping over your bodily functions. Get help you sick fucks.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Boiled Onion ()
Date: May 20, 2019 07:58PM

Vienna sausages, French fries and wine. Take this bowels.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: nlkhd ()
Date: May 20, 2019 08:58PM

I left this page open on my laptop in the TV room when this page had no images posted. My 5 year old swiped the touch while his mom was folding laundry and the images of that woman doing her business came up and they both saw it.

So yea, thanks for that guys.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Miscavage. ()
Date: May 21, 2019 09:17AM

nlkhd Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I left this page open on my laptop in the TV room
> when this page had no images posted. My 5 year
> old swiped the touch while his mom was folding
> laundry and the images of that woman doing her
> business came up and they both saw it.
>
> So yea, thanks for that guys.


Why would you leave your daughter by a computer unaccompanied, especially with this site? Feel free to call CPS for assistance as you’re a terrible parent.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Spoiled Onion ()
Date: May 21, 2019 11:15AM

nlkhd Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I left this page open on my laptop in the TV room
> when this page had no images posted. My 5 year
> old swiped the touch while his mom was folding
> laundry and the images of that woman doing her
> business came up and they both saw it.
>
> So yea, thanks for that guys.


Guess wife wears pants in family

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: h3w9h ()
Date: May 21, 2019 12:55PM

Miscavage. Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> nlkhd Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > I left this page open on my laptop in the TV
> room
> > when this page had no images posted. My 5 year
> > old swiped the touch while his mom was folding
> > laundry and the images of that woman doing her
> > business came up and they both saw it.
> >
> > So yea, thanks for that guys.
>
>
> Why would you leave your daughter by a computer
> unaccompanied, especially with this site? Feel
> free to call CPS for assistance as you’re a
> terrible parent.

My son cannot read enough yet too be harmed by the words on this site and this thread just had words on it when I left the room. Then some asshole posts filthy pictures of some woman in a mask using the restroom - disgusting. Believe me I wont make the same mistake twice - my wife thinks I have some kind of weird fetish now.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: x4jhu ()
Date: May 21, 2019 12:56PM

Spoiled Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> nlkhd Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > I left this page open on my laptop in the TV
> room
> > when this page had no images posted. My 5 year
> > old swiped the touch while his mom was folding
> > laundry and the images of that woman doing her
> > business came up and they both saw it.
> >
> > So yea, thanks for that guys.
>
>
> Guess wife wears pants in family

She was within her rights to be pissed at the images on this site.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Dude it’s underground ()
Date: May 21, 2019 02:51PM

A real man wouldn’t have your problem. Grow a pair.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: May 21, 2019 05:25PM

I guess I’ll watch Alex Haley’s Roots. My ankles and back are sore sitting all day on the groan throne. The midwives have been patient and have told me it won’t be long. Yet I worry as dropping a cinder block really hurts.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: yoga onion ()
Date: May 21, 2019 08:42PM

Toilet yoga is very effective in supporting elimination.
Attachments:
toilet-yoga.jpg

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Spring Onion ()
Date: May 22, 2019 08:03AM

Waking up to seeing the obese neighbor mowing the grass naked is disturbing. He also brought dad beers and a couple of his favorite cigars. I don’t understand what they are doing but mom does not seem happy one bit.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: The Caulk-Shits Dilemma Onion ()
Date: May 22, 2019 08:23AM

sometimes I get the caulk-shits where my dirt is like a paste that smears all over the bottom of the bowl. The shit smears just stay there at the bottom no matter how many times I flush. I am worried what the rest of the family thinks when they happen upon my leavings. Since its all under water I dont know how to clean it. Any suggestions?

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: May 22, 2019 09:09AM

The Caulk-Shits Dilemma Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> sometimes I get the caulk-shits where my dirt is
> like a paste that smears all over the bottom of
> the bowl. The shit smears just stay there at the
> bottom no matter how many times I flush. I am
> worried what the rest of the family thinks when
> they happen upon my leavings. Since its all under
> water I dont know how to clean it. Any
> suggestions?


A solid toilet brush with bleach cleaner can remove those groan throne streak marks. Actually that’s a good problem as not the IBS of cinder block or Hershey Highway variety. Still working on this monster but hope this strategy works for you.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Dave Johns ()
Date: May 22, 2019 10:00AM

Hope all are well. Got yogurt and oatmeal going this morning along with a two mile walk.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: nano particle bowl material ()
Date: May 22, 2019 01:04PM

The Caulk-Shits Dilemma Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> sometimes I get the caulk-shits where my dirt is
> like a paste that smears all over the bottom of
> the bowl. The shit smears just stay there at the
> bottom no matter how many times I flush. I am
> worried what the rest of the family thinks when
> they happen upon my leavings. Since its all under
> water I dont know how to clean it. Any
> suggestions?


Forget a brush - what is the point of smearing feces from the bowl to a brush that you then have to store or clean somewhere else. You are just spreading feces all over your house. Dripping feces-water in a bucket, then a slop sink. Brushes are for mineral stains under the rim.

Grab a wad of tissue with two fingers then flush, when the water is at its lowest as the flushing hits it apex quickly jam the tissue onto the shit-smeared portion of the bowl. May take a couple tries. Be careful not to get shit on your fingies and wash carefully after.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: May 22, 2019 03:06PM

A great load has been lifted. I appreciate the support of the midwives. Dilation took some time, but what I gave birth too shall be named Jerome. A nasty big mass that had various formations and shapes that caused stitches to be put back my starfish in working order. It did hurt for considerable time, and I apologize if any sewer lines were or are backed up.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Spring Onion ()
Date: May 22, 2019 04:07PM

It’s disgusting to come home from school, with two fat men farting in the living room. They are eating chicken wings and drinking beers watching gladiator movies.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: boiled onion ()
Date: May 22, 2019 05:21PM

I'm eating light tonight, two biggie bags from Wendys were just 10 bucks plus tax. My bowels can handle that easily.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: pe6jh ()
Date: May 22, 2019 05:48PM

Does the guy talking about having a bowel movement like giving birth think he is funny or creative - you think when he posts the same exact dumb thing over and over he is 'teee heee this is funny?'

what a bore.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Dave Johns ()
Date: May 22, 2019 07:09PM

pe6jh Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Does the guy talking about having a bowel movement
> like giving birth think he is funny or creative -
> you think when he posts the same exact dumb thing
> over and over he is 'teee heee this is funny?'
>
> what a bore.


I hope when you become older you’ll remember how much you harassed your elders.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: 79u7s ()
Date: May 22, 2019 07:58PM

Dave Johns Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> pe6jh Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > Does the guy talking about having a bowel
> movement
> > like giving birth think he is funny or creative
> -
> > you think when he posts the same exact dumb
> thing
> > over and over he is 'teee heee this is funny?'
> >
> > what a bore.
>
>
> I hope when you become older you’ll remember how
> much you harassed your elders.

Honestly, If I take time every day to write silly, disgusting stories about having midwives help me give birth to my bowel movements and get stitches in my rectum; if Im doing that days in the week, over and over for years on end I hope my loved ones put me away or help me kill myself.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: boiled onion ()
Date: May 23, 2019 06:40AM

I just called in sick, my bowels are at fault for this. I might as well call in sick tomorrow too and make it a 5 day weekend. Good thing me and my bowels work for the government and always have liberal leave.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: May 23, 2019 08:38AM

So glad to be going to where white people are. First Watch is delicious. Got the Buick looking sharp for frogger with foreigners and think today will be productive.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: waiting on dottards onion ()
Date: May 23, 2019 08:59AM

First Watch - the restaurant for people with nothing to do in their day. Retirees and PTA moms. Poor waiters have to do separate checks for every single dottard that walks into the place.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: detect onion ()
Date: May 23, 2019 10:06AM

pe6jh Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Does the guy talking about having a bowel movement
> like giving birth think he is funny or creative -
> you think when he posts the same exact dumb thing
> over and over he is 'teee heee this is funny?'
>
> what a bore.


Jr. high school just let out for summer break and suddenly the posts are more frequent. Coincidence?

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Dave Johns ()
Date: May 23, 2019 10:40AM

waiting on dottards onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> First Watch - the restaurant for people with
> nothing to do in their day. Retirees and PTA
> moms. Poor waiters have to do separate checks for
> every single dottard that walks into the place.


Actually they have good service and food. My family and I go there and we like it. Healthy and good portions.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Laney's Big Salad ()
Date: May 23, 2019 12:30PM

Hello- New to this feed and have enjoyed your shared stories and just learning
of the Bristol Stool Chart. My deposits average a number 3 or 4 but can run the
gamut and are almost always horribly pungent. Presently trying hard to eat
healthier which is difficult on the road for work and eating more Subway turkey
breast sandwiches loaded with veggies instead of steak and cheese w/fries from
Paisano's. Target goal this August is for healthy gigantic drops with no more
odor than that of a hot biscuit as mentioned in the movie, The Road to
Wellville.

Taking a mulligan for upcoming Memorial Day Weekend with expected consumption
followed by deposits of many burgers, dogs, tater salad and deviled eggs. I
know the bowels are up to it but again... the stink will be unbearable even if
it is my own.

Look forward to meeting the... regulars. Happy long holiday weekend to all
for ringing in Summer 2019.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Lemon Yellow Bum ()
Date: May 23, 2019 01:39PM

LOL for big salad and regulars. I see what you did there. ^^^

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: May 23, 2019 02:09PM

Laney's Big Salad Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Hello- New to this feed and have enjoyed your
> shared stories and just learning
> of the Bristol Stool Chart. My deposits average a
> number 3 or 4 but can run the
> gamut and are almost always horribly pungent.
> Presently trying hard to eat
> healthier which is difficult on the road for work
> and eating more Subway turkey
> breast sandwiches loaded with veggies instead of
> steak and cheese w/fries from
> Paisano's. Target goal this August is for healthy
> gigantic drops with no more
> odor than that of a hot biscuit as mentioned in
> the movie, The Road to
> Wellville.
>
> Taking a mulligan for upcoming Memorial Day
> Weekend with expected consumption
> followed by deposits of many burgers, dogs, tater
> salad and deviled eggs. I
> know the bowels are up to it but again... the
> stink will be unbearable even if
> it is my own.
>
> Look forward to meeting the... regulars. Happy
> long holiday weekend to all
> for ringing in Summer 2019.


I feel very sorry your bowels shall experience grinding of gears but congrats on 3 and 4’s!

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Capper ()
Date: May 23, 2019 03:26PM

I’m mid thirties. Is brown capping normal?

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BO Sockpuppet Onion ()
Date: May 23, 2019 04:19PM

Laney's Big Salad Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Hello- New to this feed and have enjoyed your
> shared stories and just learning
> of the Bristol Stool Chart. My deposits average a
> number 3 or 4 but can run the
> gamut and are almost always horribly pungent.
> Presently trying hard to eat
> healthier which is difficult on the road for work
> and eating more Subway turkey
> breast sandwiches loaded with veggies instead of
> steak and cheese w/fries from
> Paisano's. Target goal this August is for healthy
> gigantic drops with no more
> odor than that of a hot biscuit as mentioned in
> the movie, The Road to
> Wellville.
>
> Taking a mulligan for upcoming Memorial Day
> Weekend with expected consumption
> followed by deposits of many burgers, dogs, tater
> salad and deviled eggs. I
> know the bowels are up to it but again... the
> stink will be unbearable even if
> it is my own.
>
> Look forward to meeting the... regulars. Happy
> long holiday weekend to all
> for ringing in Summer 2019.


Brown Onion sockpuppet - you can tell by how fucking boring it is...

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Dave Johns ()
Date: May 23, 2019 04:56PM

The grains seem to be helping me a lot. As does the extra fruit. I could be wrong but kiwis seem to make a big difference.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Spring Onion ()
Date: May 23, 2019 06:37PM

Seeing dad and the obese neighbor frolicking in the garden is painful.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: boiled onion ()
Date: May 23, 2019 08:34PM

I got a 20 dollar gift card for Arby's as a gift from a friend. I'm getting ready to ingest about 15 bucks worth. My bowels got this!!!

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: May 23, 2019 09:30PM

boiled onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I got a 20 dollar gift card for Arby's as a gift
> from a friend. I'm getting ready to ingest about
> 15 bucks worth. My bowels got this!!!


If you need midwives let me know.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: 5am guy ()
Date: May 24, 2019 05:00AM

Hi all! 5am guy checking in again. 5am guy will be working 12 hour shifts this weekend so that other employees can have off for the holiday weekend. The boss knows that 5am guy has no life and no friends so he always asks 5am guy to do this. This is affecting 5am guys bowels.
5am guy has been texting back and forth with the chicken frying woman at Royal Farms. Since chicken frying woman also works the graveyard shift she and 5am guy have a lot in common.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: ?????? the fuck ()
Date: May 24, 2019 09:17AM

this threads fucked up.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: May 24, 2019 12:38PM

Glad the midwives are enroute, may need a epindural for this one.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Laney's Big Salad ()
Date: May 24, 2019 01:00PM

Dropped a decent one early this morning. Rocky up front with a soft finish.

Enjoyed 2 egg mcmuffins and 2 hash browns around 10am that should result
in another delivery by early evening. The real egg mcmuffins and not
the tasteless egg-white offering.

*Why are turds tapered at the end?...

**So your asshole doesn't slam shut! -Jay Thomas

(RIP Jay Thomas)

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Spring Onion ()
Date: May 24, 2019 01:28PM

My dad and the obese neighbor are naked, and have a funnel device out. I'm not sure what they are up to as there's none of their usual beer lying around. Its disgusting with them farting and stinnking up the living room.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: May 24, 2019 02:36PM

I’m so glad all the midwives are white.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: boiled onion ()
Date: May 24, 2019 05:08PM

I just got home and am going to fire up the grill. Three 1/3 pound burgers with a bag of tater-tots should fill me up good tonight. Washing that down with a 12 pack of Miller high life. My bowels love a challenge.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: May 24, 2019 05:43PM

boiled onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I just got home and am going to fire up the grill.
> Three 1/3 pound burgers with a bag of tater-tots
> should fill me up good tonight. Washing that down
> with a 12 pack of Miller high life. My bowels love
> a challenge.

My colon literally is hanging by a thread reading this.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: spring onion ()
Date: May 24, 2019 06:45PM

I had lunch at school with Jules today - she was crying. She said that she had been spending a lot of time over at the Obese neighbor's playing Wii. I asked why she was crying and she said 'Im late.' I am on the same bus with her morning and afternoon and she is always on time so Im not sure what she means.

I am making a whole wheat crust home made pizza with fresh vegetables and a locally sourced organic sauce. Mom has been scrubbing a large stain in our carpet where dad and the neighbor were wrestling last night.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Jen Ettix ()
Date: May 24, 2019 11:25PM

I ate shit out of my boyfriend’s ass last night. It was delicious.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: May 25, 2019 01:24AM

My bowels truly hurt.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: boiled onion ()
Date: May 25, 2019 07:44AM

With this three day weekend at hand I am thinking about a little road trip out to Manassas for a big brunch at Golden Corral. I like to get there about 10 am because they still have breakfast food out but they are transitioning to lunch. I can have bacon and eggs with fried chicken on the side.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: spring onion ()
Date: May 25, 2019 11:24AM

I am working at the hospital cafeteria again today and the place is packed. Thankfully my Dad decided to have the 3 day drink , fart and eat fest over at the obese neighbors house. They started roasting a entire pig early this morning and they got a keg of cheap beer. My Dad wants me to stop and get 4 large bags of ice after work as he and the obese neighbor are already too drunk to drive.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: poet onion. ()
Date: May 25, 2019 04:10PM

Upon the throne I sit
By Dawn's early light
My bowels have robbed me of a sleep filled night
I push and I strain to complete this task
I pray to God, for relief is what I ask.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: poet onion. ()
Date: May 25, 2019 05:49PM

chocolate dicks, folded feces,
starfish splatter, down my leg,
midwives, screaming
chocolate streaming, down my leg.

Gerry cocks, Dr. Spock
bloody goulash, down my leg.
fisted sphincter, one-eyed blinker,
red-bowl blister, down my leg.




_

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: xylye ()
Date: May 25, 2019 07:39PM

Thats some shitty poetry

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: boiled onion ()
Date: May 25, 2019 09:22PM

Large two topping pizzas carryout only at Dominoes for $5.99. I just picked up 2 of them! My bowels might have trouble with this.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: May 26, 2019 12:25AM

Anyone have a suture kit?

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Jen Ettix ()
Date: May 26, 2019 12:43AM

Brown Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Anyone have a suture kit?


AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Damn you are one hilarious troll.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: May 26, 2019 08:57AM

I wish I could trade my bowels in.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Date: May 26, 2019 11:07AM

Brown Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I wish I could trade my bowels in.

I knows how you feels there mr brownonion. I hpoe you haz youself a nice Memorialz day. I haz got tha nex too dayz off and will jus be stayin home and cookin on my weber kettl grill. I don have much extra money cauz I jus had ta put new brakes an tirez on my car ta get it through inspection. I even skipped church taday cauze I cant afford to put no money in the collection plate. God bless all yall brown guyz!

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: jhonny bravo ()
Date: May 26, 2019 01:47PM

Hello groan throne, my old friend
I've come to sit with you again
Because a movement softly creeping
Leaked in my drawers while I was sleeping
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of flushing
In restless dreams I sat alone
Narrow streets of cobblestone
'Neath the halo of a night light lamp
I turned my collar to the cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a bathroom light
That split the night
And touched the sound of silence

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: munxp ()
Date: May 26, 2019 01:48PM

Prep H, wet naps, witch hazel, I keep them in a basket by the toilet. I dont stock magazines in there just prayer beads...

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: spring onion ()
Date: May 26, 2019 03:56PM

Now that I have graduated from high school I got plenty of free time. I'm doing some research on digestive issues in mice and guinea pigs.
My Dad and the obese neighbor slept most of the day and now they are at it again, they got a new keg of beer and are shredding the pork from yesterday's pig roast to make sandwiches. There are multiple cars parked along the street, they have at least 10 guys over there partying like crazy.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: 4gedy ()
Date: May 26, 2019 05:31PM

spring onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Now that I have graduated from high school I got
> plenty of free time. I'm doing some research on
> digestive issues in mice and guinea pigs.
> My Dad and the obese neighbor slept most of the
> day and now they are at it again, they got a new
> keg of beer and are shredding the pork from
> yesterday's pig roast to make sandwiches. There
> are multiple cars parked along the street, they
> have at least 10 guys over there partying like
> crazy.

Congrats, how is Jules doing?

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Johhny Douchebag ()
Date: May 26, 2019 05:36PM

jhonny bravo Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Hello groan throne, my old friend
> I've come to sit with you again
> Because a movement softly creeping
> Leaked in my drawers while I was sleeping
> And the vision that was planted in my brain
> Still remains
> Within the sound of flushing
> In restless dreams I sat alone
> Narrow streets of cobblestone
> 'Neath the halo of a night light lamp
> I turned my collar to the cold and damp
> When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a
> bathroom light
> That split the night
> And touched the sound of silence


Stealing a great song and changing a few words is neither creative nor interesting. At least the poets here write original shit - you are just a colossal bore.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: May 26, 2019 06:17PM

Johhny Douchebag Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> jhonny bravo Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > Hello groan throne, my old friend
> > I've come to sit with you again
> > Because a movement softly creeping
> > Leaked in my drawers while I was sleeping
> > And the vision that was planted in my brain
> > Still remains
> > Within the sound of flushing
> > In restless dreams I sat alone
> > Narrow streets of cobblestone
> > 'Neath the halo of a night light lamp
> > I turned my collar to the cold and damp
> > When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a
> > bathroom light
> > That split the night
> > And touched the sound of silence
>
>
> Stealing a great song and changing a few words is
> neither creative nor interesting. At least the
> poets here write original shit - you are just a
> colossal bore.

You have no talent, or no eye for a talent. Mr. Bravo is a genius and a thrilling breath of fresh air here.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: jhonny bravo ()
Date: May 26, 2019 07:51PM

Oh, a fart is threat'ning
My very life today
If I don't find a toilet
Oh yeah, I'm gonna fade away
Constipation, it's just a shit away
It's just a shit away
Constipation, it's just a shit away
It's just a shit away

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: May 27, 2019 06:06AM

jhonny bravo Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Oh, a fart is threat'ning
> My very life today
> If I don't find a toilet
> Oh yeah, I'm gonna fade away
> Constipation, it's just a shit away
> It's just a shit away
> Constipation, it's just a shit away
> It's just a shit away


True! and well done Mr. Bravo!

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: boiled onion ()
Date: May 27, 2019 06:59AM

Heading to Cracker barrel soon. Going to have chicken fried steak covered in gravy with 6 fried eggs and four biscuits, hash browns too! My bowels can do it!!!

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Buttz ()
Date: May 27, 2019 07:58AM

boiled onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Heading to Cracker barrel soon. Going to have
> chicken fried steak covered in gravy with 6 fried
> eggs and four biscuits, hash browns too! My bowels
> can do it!!!


You worry about triglycerides?

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Spring Onion ()
Date: May 27, 2019 08:25AM

Dad is wearing nothing but the ruby red slippers from wizard of oz, and the obese neighbor is hiding behind the curtains. A strange way to start the morning.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: May 27, 2019 10:24AM

It’s Memorial Day. Remembering my friends who gave all. Watching our wonderful white commander in Chief and eating relatively bowel friendly foods. Hoping for a basketball not a odd shaped cinder block.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: boiled onion ()
Date: May 27, 2019 10:31AM

The Cracker Barrel food gave me a round of diarrhea. I should probably have a dominoes pizza for lunch to help things out.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Boring Sockpuppet Onion ()
Date: May 27, 2019 10:57AM

Wow Brown Onion sockpuppet Memorial Day theater - boring beyond fucking words. You are more interesting complaining about your shit and immigrants. Literally each post is more boring than the next.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: spring onion ()
Date: May 27, 2019 11:11AM

4gedy Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> spring onion Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > Now that I have graduated from high school I
> got
> > plenty of free time. I'm doing some research on
> > digestive issues in mice and guinea pigs.
> > My Dad and the obese neighbor slept most of the
> > day and now they are at it again, they got a
> new
> > keg of beer and are shredding the pork from
> > yesterday's pig roast to make sandwiches. There
> > are multiple cars parked along the street, they
> > have at least 10 guys over there partying like
> > crazy.
>
> Congrats, how is Jules doing?

Not sure about my Jules - I called her last night. Even though school is out she said she took some test and her mom told here 'the rabbit died.' Then she was crying and said something about needing money from the Obese Neighbor. It all makes no sense to me. Maybe she is just stressed about college next year.

I was fasting last night and this morning but am preparing a 'dry salad' of organic bran flakes, sunflower seeds, brewer's yeast and cold-pressed flax seed oil to start things off for holiday brunch.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Memorial Day Onion ()
Date: May 27, 2019 12:11PM

spring sorry to hear about Jules, tell her every life is precious ok. Also you might want to locate the nearest Gastroenterology Dept before consuming your 'dry salad' - that is bowel suicide in my layman's point of view.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: May 27, 2019 12:19PM

Well appears a storm is just slightly over the horizon. It sucks when your innards make themselves known. A bad case of gas plus the beginning of pressure on the starfish suggests a nasty brew is up ahead and sooner than desired.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Red Onion ()
Date: May 27, 2019 03:01PM

Spinning signz get your oil changez with me. Specialz include extra servicez. Spinning signz buttockz out on Fairfax boulevardz!

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Fairfax Guy ()
Date: May 27, 2019 03:34PM

Red Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Spinning signz get your oil changez with me.
> Specialz include extra servicez. Spinning signz
> buttockz out on Fairfax boulevardz!


What shop? I’m interested!

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: mtleu ()
Date: May 27, 2019 04:23PM

spring onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> 4gedy Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > spring onion Wrote:
> >
> --------------------------------------------------
>
> > -----
> > > Now that I have graduated from high school I
> > got
> > > plenty of free time. I'm doing some research
> on
> > > digestive issues in mice and guinea pigs.
> > > My Dad and the obese neighbor slept most of
> the
> > > day and now they are at it again, they got a
> > new
> > > keg of beer and are shredding the pork from
> > > yesterday's pig roast to make sandwiches.
> There
> > > are multiple cars parked along the street,
> they
> > > have at least 10 guys over there partying
> like
> > > crazy.
> >
> > Congrats, how is Jules doing?
>
> Not sure about my Jules - I called her last night.
> Even though school is out she said she took some
> test and her mom told here 'the rabbit died.'
> Then she was crying and said something about
> needing money from the Obese Neighbor. It all
> makes no sense to me. Maybe she is just stressed
> about college next year.
>
> I was fasting last night and this morning but am
> preparing a 'dry salad' of organic bran flakes,
> sunflower seeds, brewer's yeast and cold-pressed
> flax seed oil to start things off for holiday
> brunch.

My bowels just imploded reading about your dry salad. Are you Flexing on us?

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Red Onion ()
Date: May 27, 2019 04:39PM

Come on down to jiffy lubez and check out my spinning signz in traffic. Fairfax Boulevardz see my ballz and bowelz. Offering specialz dealz leave your wivez at homez as we’re going to do oil changez! You payz we playz.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Dave Johns ()
Date: May 27, 2019 04:53PM

Could people stop being jerks here? Please. Just a little decency.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Factoid Onion ()
Date: May 27, 2019 06:58PM

Brown Onion is a troll who normally posts under username BEH. Notice the similarity of his racist posts.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: May 28, 2019 06:45AM

As the clock ticks seconds and minutes off, the feeling of the fifty pound bag of cement rolling out of my starfish scares me. We’ve been down this road before but it still is a prospect that concerns me. Have been on the groan throne all night. The midwives are kind but they’ve got to be tired, not only hours up but fumes that are worse than sulfur. It’s definitely time to push this SUV out although the consequences are severe.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Spring Onion ()
Date: May 28, 2019 09:07AM

It’s so odd having the obese neighbor as a substitute teacher for biology. He’s talking about cross pollination and mentioned my dad. I can’t wait for the next subjects.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Life Assessment Onion ()
Date: May 28, 2019 11:23AM

Brown Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> As the clock ticks seconds and minutes off, the
> feeling of the fifty pound bag of cement rolling
> out of my starfish scares me. We’ve been down
> this road before but it still is a prospect that
> concerns me. Have been on the groan throne all
> night. The midwives are kind but they’ve got to
> be tired, not only hours up but fumes that are
> worse than sulfur. It’s definitely time to push
> this SUV out although the consequences are severe.


you start your day posting the same boring shit at 645am - what a sad hopeless existence you have. No wonder you are racist - you feel so bad about yourself you have to believe others are bad just based on their skin color.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Verified_Green Onion ()
Date: May 28, 2019 11:33AM

Spring Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> It’s so odd having the obese neighbor as a
> substitute teacher for biology. He’s talking
> about cross pollination and mentioned my dad. I
> can’t wait for the next subjects.


Obvious impostor - school is out for spring. My friend, the real spring onion has graduated and is currently facing some rather difficult life issues. His family is being torn apart by his dad and neighbor and his girlfriend Jules appears to be in a difficult situation quite possibly because of their overweight neighbor. As if that isnt enough, spring seems to be experimenting with some radical and potentially dangerous bowel cleansing 'dry salads.'

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Miscavage. ()
Date: May 28, 2019 12:46PM

Life Assessment Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Brown Onion Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > As the clock ticks seconds and minutes off, the
> > feeling of the fifty pound bag of cement
> rolling
> > out of my starfish scares me. We’ve been down
> > this road before but it still is a prospect
> that
> > concerns me. Have been on the groan throne all
> > night. The midwives are kind but they’ve got
> to
> > be tired, not only hours up but fumes that are
> > worse than sulfur. It’s definitely time to
> push
> > this SUV out although the consequences are
> severe.
>
>
> you start your day posting the same boring shit at
> 645am - what a sad hopeless existence you have.
> No wonder you are racist - you feel so bad about
> yourself you have to believe others are bad just
> based on their skin color.

Fuck off dude.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Enemas ()
Date: May 28, 2019 02:27PM

Do any of you use fleet enemas?

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Anger Management Onion ()
Date: May 28, 2019 02:29PM

Miscavage. Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Life Assessment Onion Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > Brown Onion Wrote:
> >
> --------------------------------------------------
>
> > -----
> > > As the clock ticks seconds and minutes off,
> the
> > > feeling of the fifty pound bag of cement
> > rolling
> > > out of my starfish scares me. We’ve been
> down
> > > this road before but it still is a prospect
> > that
> > > concerns me. Have been on the groan throne
> all
> > > night. The midwives are kind but they’ve
> got
> > to
> > > be tired, not only hours up but fumes that
> are
> > > worse than sulfur. It’s definitely time to
> > push
> > > this SUV out although the consequences are
> > severe.
> >
> >
> > you start your day posting the same boring shit
> at
> > 645am - what a sad hopeless existence you have.
>
> > No wonder you are racist - you feel so bad
> about
> > yourself you have to believe others are bad
> just
> > based on their skin color.
>
> Fuck off dude.


You sound upset - how are your bowels?

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Fleet is Better ()
Date: May 28, 2019 02:30PM

Enemas Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Do any of you use fleet enemas?


unnatural and to be avoided unless its a post-surgery emergency. exit only.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: May 28, 2019 02:42PM

Fleet is Better Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Enemas Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > Do any of you use fleet enemas?
>
>
> unnatural and to be avoided unless its a
> post-surgery emergency. exit only.


Agree completely. What a terrible torture device these things are. I’m amazed they are legal.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Rod Tiger ()
Date: May 28, 2019 04:26PM

Bowels. Bowels. Bowels.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: boiled onion ()
Date: May 28, 2019 05:11PM

I just called in two Bourbon bacon cheeseburger platters for carry-out from Denny's. Those plus a 6 pack of Bud light in 16oz cans should make for a sensible dinner. I eat lighter in hot weather. My bowels can handle this!

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Dude! Insane! ()
Date: May 28, 2019 08:31PM

boiled onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I just called in two Bourbon bacon cheeseburger
> platters for carry-out from Denny's. Those plus a
> 6 pack of Bud light in 16oz cans should make for a
> sensible dinner. I eat lighter in hot weather. My
> bowels can handle this!


You are what you eat

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: 5am guy ()
Date: May 29, 2019 04:56AM

5am guy checking in here. 5am guy has been a little backed up lately. 5am guy has all the mood enhancement devices running in the mens room now. The space heater, the star shower device and Frank Zappa music is playing. 5am guy hopes to drop a load before the next shift arrives at 7 am.
5am guy sends best regards to all the bib's.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Verified. Green Onion ()
Date: May 29, 2019 08:53AM

5am guy Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> 5am guy checking in here. 5am guy has been a
> little backed up lately. 5am guy has all the mood
> enhancement devices running in the mens room now.
> The space heater, the star shower device and Frank
> Zappa music is playing. 5am guy hopes to drop a
> load before the next shift arrives at 7 am.
> 5am guy sends best regards to all the bib's.


5am sometimes anal stimulation with the tongue will initiate a healthy movement. When do you go to sleep? I could come over and offer medicinal analingus no problem. Id need to stop and get some airplane glue or poppers but could be there in half hour. Let me know.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: spring onion ()
Date: May 29, 2019 09:40AM

We were woken up this morning around 7:00am by Jules banging on the Obese neighbor's door screaming she wanted $500 and a 'ride to the clinic.' I saw him sneaking out the back door in his underwear while his wife tried to calm Jules down at the front door. Dad was sitting at the window in our living room eating leftover pizza with Ranch dressing - he was laughing so hard he spilled the bottle of Ranch dressing on the cat.

Since I was up I made gluten-free organic brown rice flour crepes filled with coconut oil yogurt, fresh berries and wheat grass.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: May 29, 2019 04:18PM

Storms are coming. Not all from the sky

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