Re: To Women Everywhere
Posted by:
amazing post
()
Date: December 11, 2018 10:48PM
Stuckwith'em Wrote:
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> Genevieve Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > You guys must hang out with vapid,
> materialistic
> > women.
>
> Mattel recently announced the release of
> Limited-Edition NoVa Barbie dolls for the Northern
> Virginia market:
>
> McLean Barbie:
> This princess Barbie is only sold at Neiman's in
> Tysons II. She comes with an assortment of Kate
> Spade handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired dog
> named Honey, and a cookie-cutter house. She
> despises the traffic, but is sure that someday
> Tyson's Corner will be the new downtown Chicago!
> Available with or without tummy tuck and face
> lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with
> "augmented" version.
>
> Falls Church Barbie:
> This modern-day homemaker Barbie is available with
> Ford Windstar minivan and matching velour gym
> suit. She gets lost easily and has no full time
> occupation or secondary education. Instead she's
> taking an online course in Easy Spanish to learn
> to communicate with her neighbors. Traffic-jamming
> cell phone included, headset sold separately.
>
> Manassas Barbie:
> This recently paroled former "Porn Actress" Barbie
> comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a
> Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a methlab kit.
> This model is only available after dark and can
> only be paid for in cash. Preferably small,
> untraceable bills. Unless you are a cop, then we
> don't know what you are talking about. Her
> boyfriend Ken works at the local sleazy tattoo
> shop and prefers her to stay blonde.
>
> Great Falls Barbie:
> This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW
> convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her own
> Venti Starbucks cup, Visa Platinum card, and
> country club membership. Also available for this
> set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper.
> You won't be able to afford any of them. See you
> on the bottom 9!
>
> Reston Barbie:
> This former Dot Com Barbie cashed in her options
> before the bust and now "works from home doing
> freelance consulting" until the kids get older.
> She comes with a huge dream house on a tiny lot,
> and she channels her formidable energy and
> intellect managing the extensive social and
> athletic activities of her three kids, each of
> whom plays two sports, takes piano and karate, and
> is on the chess club. A member of the PTA, this
> Barbie is famous for running her daughter's
> Brownie troop like a Fortune 500 company ("Do we
> really have a solid ROI on Girl Scout cookies?").
> Her greatest personal accomplishment this year was
> outmaneuvering the other uber-mommies to be
> selected as Room Mother for her son's second-grade
> class. She comes with AOL Ken, accessorized with a
> Porsche, giant gas grill, and flat-screen TV
> equipped with Tivo.
>
> Woodbridge Barbie:
> This paler model comes dressed in her own Wrangler
> jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR shirt, and
> Tweety Bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a
> six-pack of Coors Light and a Hank Williams, Jr.
> CD set. She comes with a Hooters uniform, and a
> bottle of hair bleach. She can spit over 5 feet
> and kick mullet-haired Ken's ass when she is
> drunk. Select dolls come with prefered black
> boyfriend Kendall, complete with oversized white
> tee and chains to his knees. Purchase her pickup
> truck separately and get a HOTTIE bumper sticker
> absolutely free.
>
> Sterling Barbie:
> This collagen-injected, rhinoplastic Barbie wears
> a leopard print bikini outfit and drinks
> cosmopolitans while entertaining friends at the
> McMansion. Careful taking this one in the bathtub,
> her bottle tan might streak. Percocet prescription
> available.
>
> Leesburg Barbie:
> This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a
> pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one
> broken heel from the time she chased Beer-Gut Ken
> out of Fontana Barbie's house. Her ensemble
> includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake
> fingernails, plenty of hairspray and a see-through
> halter top. Also available with a mobile home.
>
> North Arlington Barbie:
> This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long
> straight brown hair,
> archless feet, hairy armpits, no makeup, and
> Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that
> you call her "Willow". She does not want or need a
> Ken doll, but you if purchase two North Arlington
> Barbie's and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a
> rainbow flag sticker for free.
>
> South Arlington Barbie:
> This Spanish-speaking-only Barbie comes with a
> 1984 Toyota with expired temporary plates and
> three baby Barbies in the back seat, but no car
> seats. The optional Ken doll comes with a
> paint-bucket lunch pail and is missing three
> fingers on his left hand. Green cards are not
> available for South Arlington Barbie or Ken.
>
> Fairfax Barbie:
> This multicultural Barbie takes classes at GMU or
> NOVA on Mondays. She takes advantage of all the
> happy hour deals Fairfax has to offer. She loves
> 1/2 priced burgers at Brion's Grille on Tuesdays.
> On Wednesdays, she gets 50 cent tacos at Carlos
> O'Kelly's. She frequents Patriot's Cafe for cheap
> pitchers of Miller Lite Barbie-Sing-a-Long Karaoke
> on Thursday nights. Friday night is spent at TGI
> Friday's until South Arlington Ken arrives and
> buys her a drink. She doesn't remember Saturday
> night, except for cussing out a Fairfax County
> Police officer at a checkpoint on Rt. 123 &
> Braddock Rd. Sundays are set aside for church
> service, homework, and Campus Ken.
HAHAHAHAHA