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Legendary Comedian GALLAGHER
Posted by: GalIagher Smash ()
Date: March 25, 2018 06:07AM

Hi gang,

Those who have frequented the Mike O'Meara show thread in the past know that there was a subset of participants (collectively known as "Gallants") who enjoyed using that communal space to talk about legendary comedian Gallagher.

We had a symbiotic relationship with the TMOS'ers: although they weren't as friendly to us Gallants as we tried to be to them, nonetheless we got on reasonably well.

Since the Mike O'Meara thread(s) are currently in a non-functioning state, I've taken the liberty of creating a dedicated Gallagher thread for us Gallants.

Once the TMOS thread gets back on its feet, we may elect to re-coalesce with them. We shall see.

Until then, I remain,

Yours in comedy,
Gallagher Smash

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Re: Legendary Comedian GALLAGHER
Posted by: GalIagher Smash ()
Date: March 25, 2018 06:15AM

To make the first reply truly memorable, I think we ought to go back to a Gallagherian classic "Cupid Pits LoverBoy Versus The Earth"

Please enjoy! Much more to come, my Gallants!!!


Even the stars ..don’t glow THIS hot.
Earthworld ..since when do you get the girl ?
That’s just NOT ..EVER in the plot.
Everything ..you COULD bring ..has already been brought.
I’ve seen ..your floods in Spring
Ruin a wingding ..bumper crop.
You ARE a SWAMI ..of the TSUNAMI
But your monsoons ..are a bit overwrought.
You know you’re NOT ..the only body ..with a molten center ..Hotshot.
Deep (within) inside me ..I’m roiling with Love ..boiling over ..with LOVE.
From which ..has arisen ..a super megawatt
BIO-magnetic field ..around me ..my doctor can plot
That repels ALL ..SELFISH or INDIVIDUAL thoughts.
Allowing only those ..that SHE ..also ..chose.
Her bein’ ..the best thing ..that I’ve ever got.
I’m a one-man ..LOVE SWAT ..dream team.
I’m just THAT ..hot to trot.
Earthworld ..what you got ..THAT ..ain’t gone be ..good enuf.
I’ve got all the right stuff.
I’m jus so ..up to snuff.
I don’t take ..no guff.
I call ..ALL ..the bluffs.
I ain’t no powder puff.
I’m the real deal ..a man of steel ..not of fluff.
I play ruff ..and tuff.
And do it all ..off the cuff.
Why? ..I’ve got all the right stuff.
Earthworld ..what you got ..ain’t ever gone ..TO BE ..enuf.
Why ..Like I’ve said ..I’ve got ..ALL the right stuff.
Now Planetary Magnetic fields ..may reverse poles
But physics can’t reverse ..basic human ..hooking up roles.
The one in love ..has just one goal
Put ‘er in high gear ..and don’t touch ANY controls !!
The clockwork ..of the universe ..is a well-publicized play
That predictably unrolls ..day by day by day.
So Earthworld ..I know exactly where you’re going
You ..and your habitual orbital ways.
But my style ..is riling ..my party line ..constantly re-dialing
What’s COOL ..and what’s IN ..and what’s NOT.
I’m the most ..in VOGUE ..cosmonaut.
So get away from my runway ..I’m about to take off.
My selfie ..shows I’m heart healthy.
I’ll win ..the cash ..the mansion ..and all while ..staying in fashion.
At the hottest ..late night hotspot’s ..valet parking lot
I’m pulling up ..so HOT ..in my Jaguar Juggernaut.
But LOVE is only a theory ..with no answers ..just queries.
Where what matters ..is decided ..on a whim ..or by chance.
And like ..Einstein disliked ..there’s these unexplained ..long-range
communications (interactions) between entangled partici-pants.
Why would sub-atomic particles ..and LOVERS
Be trapped ..in the same kinda time trance ?
Somehow ..Faster than the speed of light
They BOTH just know ..what the other knows ..almost ..in advance.
Love is a whole nother level of gettin’ on ..NATURALLY.
Way beyond ORGANICALLY ..even beyond FACTUALLY.
For when Love is a witness ..to some funny business
The story is n’er ..anywhere close ..to what happened ..ACTUALLY.
When LOVE makes your classic Greek physique ..part and parcel
To a whole total body PROTO-PLASM SPARKLE
Reason ..and the brain ..must pay ..for this considerable energy drain
Pragmatically ..yet ..TACTICALLY.
While a LOVER in LOVE ..gains ..in the carnal
You’ve lost ..most of ..your marbles.
Your words ..come out garbled ..You don’t kiss ..’till you’ve gargled.
You give them all of your money ..Well almost ..PRACTICALLY.
But LOVE has added ..other new demon dimensions
To your non-sensible senses
Ones with startling ..and remarkable ..romantic FACULTIES.
1. Like the LOVER’s notion ..that feelings can be felt across a wide ocean
2. And that two heads are better than one ..even for the one ..who’s NOT dumb.
3. And that discussing a pre-nup
Is a great way ..to spend a LOVE day ..inter-coursing CONTRACTUALLY.
Earthworld ..I can see thru ..your boisterous ballyhoo
Your masquerade ..your charade ..your hoopla ..and hype.
But I’m immune to your poison ..your potions ..your venom.
So all that’s OF Earth ..or even Earth-like ..is WHAT I’ll fight
For the right ..to re-unite ..with my new lease on love-life
My piece ..of feminine Heaven ..my future wife.
LOVE’s ..an emotional flood ..so granite ..can’t dam it.
It’s a fire ..the more dire ..will only feed ..and fan it.
When soul mates ..decide ..to co-reside ..and tie the heartfelt ..I shalt knot
Nothing can stop ..groom and bride ..from connecting those lonely dot to dots.
LOVE is THE attractive force ..but let’s not go manic.
It doesn’t feel like you’re caught ..so no one should panic.
If truth be told ..LOVE will jack you up ..like a lyin’ mechanic.
It’ll unscrew ALL your lug nuts
Then hand you an (emotional) bill ..that’s like ..GIGANTIC.
I can feel ..and I can think
I’ve got a heart ..and I’ve got a brain
And Earthworld ..you’re just a place ..where meteors reign.
I hope you don’t take this complaint ..as proof ..I like to complain.
But ..Is Sumatra ..your wettest tempest ?
And is Tibet ..your tuffest terrain ?
Is the Sahara your largest .. parchest desert ?
And is Siberia ..your most disheartening ..endless plain ?
Is humanity ..your hungriest man-eater ?
Is sanity ..your hardest fought gain ?
Well ..unless you’re hiding a fire-breather
Earth ..I can stand up to your pain. (endure your pure)
Is that your thicketest jungle growth ?
Is that your wickedest swamp ?
Is that your most explosive volcano ?
Listen up Earth ..This is MY turf ..This is (the ground) where I stomp !
I romp on your geyser ..and your hidden crevasse.
I dance ..on your teetering avalanche
Cuz Earth ..you ain’t got me snowed.
A flake like you? ..Not a chance ..Oh no.
Earthworld ..first ..let me say ..you won’t last.
After your mountains ..erode
And your jaggedy globe ..has flatly plateaued
Then is when ..I’ll get a load
Of your hairiest ..scariest ..potholey road
And I’ll skate ..and I’ll ski ..and I’ll run you down.
Love does makes me (men) strut ..and go to town.
It’s written in my (their) DNA ..and in my source-code.
I am master ..of ALL natural disasters !!
To get to the one I love ..I’ll swim ..to her ..or to him ..’till I drown.
If my LOVE was space stationed ..I’d rocket ..to dock it
“Hello ..Hello ..I’m your TOTAL ..half-year payload.”
Whatever the muzzle ..whatever the maze
Whatever the puzzle ..whatever the plague
She’s my pie ..I’m her a la mode.
She’s my ..blue sky ..I’m her ..betrothed.
If she was a submarine ..She’d still be why
I’m so ballistically ..and holistically ..torpedoed.
Why this whole story ..I’ve ..this day told
Could just be a ..Psychopathic ..Schizophrenic
Sado-massa-chick-flick ..episode.
LOVE has a heavy need for listening and talking.
But it’s also physically rich and Fertile ..in the non-verbal.
Since you pull in ..when arguin’ ..LOVE is ..just made ..for turtles.
It’s a partial debacle ..a slight deviation ..from the upright ..and the vertical.
Love is a daily Hail Mary ..It’s a head-on collision ..of the itineraries
And who gets ..to sit ..in the Lazy-boy convertible.
It’s a stub of the toes ..where the nail throbs ..then goes and turns purple.
It’s a run to the finish ..where you stumble over ..or hit ..every damned hurdle.
Why else WOULD a body
EVEN be (carin’) thinkin’ ..about (wearin’) a thing ..LIKE a girdle ?
Earthworld ..I’ve no need to be warned ..of your warm thunder storms.
And if I step inside ..I won’t be fried ..by your frightening ..lightening taser.
Your sinkholes only undermine .. the unconscious ..and blind.
I won’t be bullied ..by your bellicose icebergs
Or by THEIR dads ..your grandiose glaciers.
Where’s the monster ..that roars ..your gale force winds ?
Where’s the behemoth ..who’s weighty steps ..make our Earth-pie crust quake ?
Earthworld ..are you all “virtual bark” ..and no “actual bite” ?
Nothing but mirages ..and other optical lies.
Like the Wizard ..behind the curtain ..nothing for certain.
Earth ..are you ..in disguise ..or a fake ?
Haven’t you got a NEW mountain ?
Is this old stuff ..what YOU ..call astoundin’ ?
If you had a mouth ..that wasn’t a river’s
On what ..would you now .. be expoundin’ ?
If there is no BigFoot ..or Chupacabra
What IS ..your most malicious beast ?
Are ALL your vicious rogues ..ruthless ..or just scarecrows
Like a braggadocios wave ..crashing ..toothless ..gumming up and down ..the beach ?
Is that how you plan ..to test my will as a man ..and my moxi ?
Just with what ..two colliding continents ..can crumble up ?
Is that what you propose .. will distract ..and outfox me ?
Well ..let your mountain ranges intersect. ..Try your best to intercept.
Your horizons won’t block me ..Your dizzy spinning ..won’t stop me.
You can’t barricade ..my one-man LOVE brigade on parade.
Your subterranean rumbling ..and your underground grumbling
Won’t scare me ..I’m just NOT ..terrestrially ..afraid.
I’ve fought with MARS and VENUS ..so I know your type.
You zoom in the zone ..astronomers call sweet
Where water won’t freeze ..at least ..not THAT ..easily
And so tears ..on your sphere ..act chemically right.
And roll down (chicly) meekly ..on most everyone’s cheeks. (Streakily, obliquely)
Call in ..both your goons
The SUN ..and the MOON
I don’t scare ..by solar flare
Or by planet-aligned ..extra high tide.
Saddle me up a cyclone ..I’m heading home.
Your hurricanes ..don’t hurry ..as fast as I’d ..like to ride.
Your floods ..can only flow
Your land ..can only slide
But to circumnavigate ..you ..and yours
I’ll PLANE need ..to take-off ..and to fly.
Try if you can ..to pull bodies..down on my head.
Your gravity ..isn’t THAT grave.
And I’m not made like you ..layer upon layer ..of a dead ..boney zoo.
So a meteor cratering ..won’t make me cave.
But if asteroids and comets ..is all that you’ve got.
Here’s my review of you
You’re at best ..a scenic view stop
At worst ..a torrid tourist spot ..to quick shop
With horrid high prices ..no one can pay !!
But of course ..that’s ALL you’ve got.
You’re just a planet.
And this is LOVE …DAMMIT !!
But once you understand it
You’ll make out ..like a Bandit.
LOVE must be fun ..if Boston banned it.
When I take LOVE command ..I’ll see we expand it.
If you’re too young ..we’ll diagram it.
This LOVE pictorial ..is older ..than Moses ..and Sanskrit.
But let’s not telegraph it.
The cops might demand ..you remand it.
The courts may ..contraband it
And find a way ..to reprimand it.
But it got sent ..when I scanned it
So who’s to say ..what server will land it
Or on what page ..it’ll stay.
And by WHO ..and by WHEN ..these fines ..should be paid.
The End …..for now.
The Eeeeeeeeennnnnnnnnndddddddddd…………………………….
Your flower beds are still all unmade.
When you retire Earth ..are you gonna live at a planetarium ?
That’s it for you
As far as a magnetic barrier
You’re not THAT repulsive.
Get ..like the DOG star ..Sirius
Intergalactically speaking ..Earth ..you’re just a yappy Terrier.
marshall impartial
bought ..A second thought ..a runaway train of thought An afterthought.
taught fought fraught sought Dreadnought = battleship Aquanaut
Argonaut Long shot Onslaught Soft spot. Weak spot Whole lot
turkey trot ..piping hot ..polka dot ..beauty spot ..sub-plot kilowatt
flowerpot coffeepot chamberpot honeypot
caveat ..apricot ..Army cot ..patriot ..
Bumper shot ..Bank shot ..overshot ..undershot ..booster shot ..passing shot ..scattershot ..buckshot ..Hottentot ..Forget-me-not
sewed ..slowed ..strode ..boatload ..unload
bestowed ..corrode ..crossroad ..railroad Morse …Tiptoed
Final Exam it Slam it ..Ram ..wham it .
Space Program ..computer program it ..Apollo Program ..reprogram it
logjam it ..traffic jam it..diagram it ..mammogram ..monogram ..hologram ..telegram ..sonogram ..Electrocardiogram ..
juggernaut. Jagannath = lord of the world ..Vishnu
I’ll backhand it. Contraband it. Freehand it.
Telegram it. Reprogram it. Space program it.
Pilot program it. Apollo program. Electrocardiogram it.
Gladiatorial truculent pugnacious quarrelsome contentious
belligerent antagonistic
Tsunami combative confrontational
A dearth ..of earth
Earth ..you may be alive ..but ..I’m not sure you know it.
Some places you’re abundant
Then other places ..you let the wind in ..and you both blow it.
If you knew ..what you grew ..more knowingly (efficiently perfectly greenly )
you’d grow it.
When you’re the friend ..on whom hungry people world-wide depend
You can’t trust your weather ..and just let everything flow.
No one gets fed ..when we ALL have to eat crow.

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Re: Legendary Comedian GALLAGHER
Posted by: GaIlagher Smash ()
Date: March 25, 2018 08:18AM


Let's all discuss your favorite Gallagher props! I personally like the 'hand gun' - the gun the shoots hands.

There are so many classic props to choose from. Let's discuss!


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Re: Legendary Comedian GALLAGHER
Posted by: Conundrum ()
Date: March 25, 2018 07:40PM

Am I a bad person if I just don’t think Gallagher is funny?

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Re: Legendary Comedian GALLAGHER
Posted by: GalIagher Smash ()
Date: March 26, 2018 07:09PM

Hi Conundrum,

Thanks for choosing to participate in this (soon-to-be) vibrant Gallagher-based community. I'm thinking quite a few Gallants from the period when our discussion was co-shared with the TMOS thread haven't yet migrated - but once they do it'll be quite lively indeed.

Before answering your question, it might be an opportune time to discuss the three "strata" of Gallagher thread participants:

- Gallants. Those who are keen to discuss Gallagher, positive and negatively, in a respectful way.

- Gallafriends. Those who don't want to discuss Gallagher at all, or are completely disrespectful to others (perhaps both!) We give them a positive name so that we take the high road - as well as show we are more than willing to meet them in the middle!

- Gallawogs. First timers: those simply unsure of whether they want to be a Gallant or a Gallafriend.

With this rote business out of the way, it's easy to answer your question: let's discuss Gallagher, any way you’d like!

You'd always be welcome to discuss Gallagher, pro and con, with us. Just keep it respectful.

Also, we'd greatly like you to consider becoming a Gallafriend!

Gallagher Smash

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Re: Legendary Comedian GALLAGHER
Posted by: GalIagher Smash ()
Date: March 28, 2018 07:40AM

In honor of our new thread, I enjoin all Gallagher-affiliated individuals: whether a Gallant, Gallafriend, or Gallawog to spend a few minutes today in comedy ecstasy! A great way to do that is to read Gallagher's famous "I Kicked Football" poem!


Gallagher Smash


Let me tell ya why I’m singin’ ..Let me tell ya why I’m proud. ..I just freed a part a me ..And I had to buck the crowd.
I had to walk out on a love ..That used to rule my head ..I had to turn my back on action ..I could never get in bed.
Yes ..I kicked FOOTBALL ..I even kicked T.V. ..I’m takin’ back my primetime ..And spending it on ME.
I kicked FOOTBALL ..Took back possession of my life. ..I intercepted my existence ..Now I scrimmage ..with my WIFE.
‘Cause let me tell ya ’bout my woman ..Let me tell ya why she’s proud.
Since we kicked the FOOTBALL habit ..We don’t have to talk SO LOUD.
Now we’re talkin’ to each other ..Sometimes even face to face.
Now I watch her shift her backfield ..And I try to guess her plays.
I’m catchin’ all her passes ..And we’re goin’ down ..and out.
I’m scorin’ more’n whole DREAM TEAMS ..In motion ..more ‘n DONALD’S MOUTH.
I kicked FOOTBALL ..I even kicked T.V. ..When YOU kick FOOTBALL ..your entire LIFE is FREE !!
I kicked FOOTBALL ..and I’m on my feet again ..It was a close game all the way ..But I was HOME ..and HAD to WIN !!
For the first few days ..I got the shakes ..And was gonna turn back on
I was hallucinatin’ draw plays ..Half-back options ..and long bombs.
My dreams were green with hashmarks ..And they replayed in my brain.
Once I even tried to screw ..The t.v. cable in my vein !
But I’m o.k. now. ..I’m proud to be ..a FOOTBALL-AHOLIC cured. ..Except when I see a t.v. set ..And then I ain’t so sure
That ..I kicked FOOTBALL ? ..That I even kicked T.V. ..I’m takin’ back my primetime ? ..And spendin’ it on me ?
I kicked FOOTBALL ? ..What the Hell ..will I tell ..the guys? ..It somehow seems unpatriotic ..Like I should apologize.
But here’s your sports report sound bite ..from behind the scenes ..and on the insides.
“The two sticks ..in the endzone ..Are the only things ..about PRO FOOTBALL
That COULD be described ..as ..the least bit ..Solidly grounded ..and UPRIGHT.
And ..as soon as the cheerleader chicks ..Who also pole dance ..get hip ..
And Put 2 & 2 together ..Goal Pole Strippers ..will be the standard halftime show.
And the NFL will cancel boring snorers ..like Madonna ..and Stevie Nix.”
And it’s not just the point after. ..It’s the whole game ..that needs to be FIXED.
But I think that it is ..and here’s the gist of this.
PRO BALL is a soap opera ..on steroids ..with thousands of groupies ..a host of gropers..and dozens of dirty tricks.
It’s Date-line and CSI ..with Cheaters thrown in the mix.
It’s a casino where you can’t get even ..Becuz everything is odd ..Like that coin ..that refused to FLIP.
It’s the only show in town ..that draws celebrities ..AND hicks.
It’s like a red carpet ..for Duck Dynasty ..It’s pageantry ..followed by schtick.
It’s painted faces like it’s Halloween ..Then our country’s colors ..presented ..By straight-faced Marines.
It’s the National Anthem …by some fancy singer ..Traditionally followed ..by air horns ..and the finger.
The T.V. analysts are in coats and ties ..But the fans behind ..are all HALF-NAKED.
It’s always HALF-TIME in AMERICA
If you’re not somebody kids ..just wear the jersey of someone who is ..It’s our favorite play ..the FAKE IT.
So it’s also ..ALL about the locker room ..Making adjustments ..by what the spies have heard ..or seen.
Identifying where there’s an unplugged HOLE in the RULES ..they can drive a truck right thru ..for THE TEAM !!
If the world won’t hand you the ball ..the NFL teaches ..you just have to TAKE IT !!
Now as far as the fishy O-FISH-IATING goes ..No one ..fur sure knows ..What the friggin’ rules ARE ..these days.
We’ve stopped countin’ the times GOODELL ..has “fumbled the ball” ..And he still has “possession” ..and is “calling the plays”.
When is HE ..gonna be ..taught his lesson ..ya’ll ? ..What IS the official Football Rule Book ?…Shades of Grey ?
And the league just gets more pumped ..and publicly more praised ..Is everybody Crazed ?
Now about this FANTASY football. If I’m havin’ a fantasy ..it’s gonna be with cheerleaders ..in tights ..that’s getting pursued.
There’s gonna be more fronts ..and way less backs. ..in them cut-up tops ..and ..stretchy-pants.
Continued on Gallagher.com & joycomedytour on fb
Football isn’t mathematical ..And it darn sure ain’t magical ..It’s just eleven dudes.
They’ll stomp on your heart ..with cleated feet ..’Till you feel like me ..so used.
As I’ve stated ..I’m DEFLATED ..First ..my cable man is gonna get sued.
Them ..and their trade school henchmen ..For making this fatal connection.
For bringing NFL FOOTBALL ..into .. my home ..dimension ..For me ..to be ..then ..domestically ..abused.
Ulrasounds of my bare fan needs ..Show I have major hyperextension.
NFL FOOTBALL..don’t say you were blindsided ..I’ve told you clearly ..of my intentions.
I have a major gaseous spasm ..In my team ..enthusiasm ..and my hometown spirit ..is deeply bruised.
And NOW ..by decree..of ME ..and after all team videos ..have been thoroughly ..reviewed ..and reviewed.
NFL ..Go to Hell ..Your option will not be picked up ..Your contract will not be renewed.
In other words ..In my personal life ..You’re excluded ..from bein’ a thing included ..What was welcome before ..will now ..privately intrude.
I AM ..lord of my own home .. and castle. ..And I don’t cow tow.. to division crowns.
And I sure don’t need your hassles ..The NFL has had more downs
Than all the player’s girlfriend’s ..have popped.
From my seat in the end zone ..I’d say ..Your final drive ..has just been stopped.
But from my men’s den ..deep in MANLAND ..As I’ve watched
Men destroy their physique ..and youth ..I shouldn’t have been sittin’ …with my feet propped
‘Cuz ..now ..the doctors say ..MY vertebrae .. are fused.
When they said they wanna operate .. I told ‘um ..I had the NFL package ..I’ve already been Major Leaguely screwed.
Further the more ..I have no interest ..in Pinterest ..Posting pictures of me ..enjoyin’ my ringside seating
Or me bein’ ..at the octagon ..with my sweetie ..tweeting.
‘Cuz I’m totally sports ..TAPPED OUT ..It’s not like me to prattle ..
But Football ..if you’d-ah ..Just loved me back ..We would’t even ..Be having.. this fan battle.
But I just KNOW ..if teams could make deals for fans ..They’d a traded us all away ..yesterday ..For Oakland’s ..or Seattle’s.
So go on NFL ..and hug your lover ..ESPN. ..What’s a viewer to conclude?
Who ..besides yourselves ..did you delude ? ..You two connive ..contrive ..collude.
You’re as bad as ..The Republicans ..And their ..partisan paramour ..FOX’s Nightly ..nearly slightly ..nude ..news.
It’s not even worth going into ..I’m just plain ..out OF ..the FOOTBALL ..mood.
It’s like the sport was a munchy crunchy snack food.
And I’ve finally had my fill of THAT box ..Of Super Duper Physically-Assaulted Jocks.
I need to get my head out of your Astroturf ..And get my feet ..back on the ground
Before you want me to do ALL that bend-overing ..That goes with ..my annual ..Superbowl ..jerk around.
Football or strip ..it’s still a men’s club ..KA-CHING.
For DA BUCKS is what and why they’re all there ..To see ..in the marketplace ..what a FAN can bare.
If it ain’t extortion ..It’s “some kinda criminal thing”
A FAN can either have ..A whole year’s house leasing ..Or a season ticket freezing
Your butt ..sittin’ in a tortuous ..with one bad arm like most late season quarterbacks ..molded brittle little plastic chair.
Instead of throwin’ my life savings away ..I’ll Tailgate ..in my own ..dang driveway.
Where I’ll spend only half ..a season ticket older money ..On good beer ..fine wine.
And ..instead of hamburger ..filet ..mignon ..steaks.
I’m tired a-lookin’ at 300 pound linemen ..all that premium priced beef ..And I only have money left
For these CHEAP SEAT CHIPS ..That even ..not THAT ..thick a dip ..breaks.
For what I’ve spent on FOOTBALL ..I added it up ..what I coulda had
A full-time chauffeured golf cart ..For when I wanna get taken back
And wanna quit ..playin’ any kind of ball games ..”Just ..me fast ..to my pippin’ ..hot ..Swedish ..whirlpool bath.
Becuz ..unlike your star players ..I …never ..go lame ..I go first class.
A la your Blue Chip ..Sky-high priced ..Sky Box ..luxury suite lackeys
Who spend the company’s non-deductible ..ill-gotten gains …and corporate graft
For pocket-like protection …from “their own” stockholders.
Even Big Business ..it seems ..follows NFL’s idea of natural selection
They think ..”With what our corporation spends ..of THEIR stockholder money
We shouldn’t have to stand in line ..with “the likes of THEM ..for what? ..Nachos..a dog ..and a draft ?
When we can afford Hooter-girl-served ..hot hors d’ouervres ? ..And ..if that’s ..not enuf ..tacky.
It’s all COMPLIMENTS ..of former Presidential hopeful ..and New York Governor ..PATAKI !!
Today he’s out of his coat and tie. ..Just a regular guy ..In HIS team jersey ..hat ..and khaki’s.
Ain’t this wacky ? ..Is everybody ..who can AFFORD it ..happy?
The center ..the guard ..the tackle ..and ..THE END xxxxxxxxxxxx

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Re: Legendary Comedian GALLAGHER
Posted by: GaIlagher Smash ()
Date: March 29, 2018 07:11AM

Hey Gang,

I came across this great article that appeared in the Atlanta Journal-Constitution circa summer, 2015. Authored by Rodney Ho, it gives quite a few insights that I hadn't seen elsewhere.




Gallagher was on top of the world in the 1980s as the ultimate prop comic, smashing watermelons and other produce with a compelling mix of glee and ire. He had 14 Showtime comedy specials back when that was novel.

But over the years. his star faded. He claimed to be broke in an interview in 2012, though he gave a lot of his money away to his kids. He also had multiple heart attacks that year but survived.

At age 69, he’s still touring and whacking fruit. Currently, he has teamed up with fellow comics Bob Nelson and Artie Fletcher on a multi-city tour, landing at the Variety Playhouse Friday. (Tickets can be had here.)

And rather than have the trio tag team on stage, they riff off each other.

“We’re like the new Marx Brothers,” Gallagher said in a recent phone interview. “We can go in any direction. We’re working in the moment.”

He said Nelson is very physical, like Harpo. He compared himself to Groucho. As for Fletcher? “He’s either Chico or Zeppo,” Gallagher said. “Artie plays my business manager. Bob’s inexplicable. It’s a party.”

(He was in much better spirits than when I interviewed him in 2009 for a Punchline appearance.)
And yes, near the end, he will whip out the legendary wooden mallet he lovingly calls the “Sledg-O-Matic.” “We’ll be smacking in Atlanta!” he said. “I bring people up on stage to do it. I teach them how to do it. We live in an interactive age.”

His confidence in his own comedic skills has not diminished. “Nobody has the gonads to do this,” he said. “I’m old. It doesn’t matter! I’ve been a living legend. I don’t have to prove anything to anybody.”

Twice, he said, he’s had heart attacks on stage. He doesn’t mind if he keels over performing. “That’s why I tell people to come to the show,” Gallagher said, half seriously. “I’m alive. Catch me now!”

He admits he has had to cut back on foods he loves like corned beef hash and fried shrimp. “I used to order room service and try all the desserts,” he said. “If I ordered the apple pie and it sucked, I moved on to the chocolate cake. When you’re rich, bring it all!”

Gallagher has been a pot smoker for decades. He’s glad it has become more acceptable but won’t risk carrying any on a plane. So here’s his method to get a free toke: an hour before the show, he’ll watch cars pulling into the parking lot early. If someone parks and doesn’t leave the car immediately, he assumes they may actually be lighting up. So he’ll come up and introduce himself, spark up a conversation and share a smoke in the vehicle.

“I’m a lot more fun stoned,” he said.

In the 1990s, Gallagher allowed his brother Ron to imitate his act as Gallagher Two but became offended when Ron began stealing his identity. He sued him and won but has never forgiven his brother. And even if Ron called now and apologized, Gallagher would not accept it.

“He’s an idiot,” Gallagher said. “I’m not going to talk to him. I have millions of fans, people who love me all around the world. I don’t need family!”

Some journalists who have seen his show in recent years said he is not politically correct, insulting gays, Asians, Mexicans and Arabs, to name a few. He is thrilled to see Donald Trump rise to the top of the G.O.P. presidential polls.

“He’s giving me a lot of cover,” Gallagher said with a laugh. “I used to get in trouble for what I say. He’s worse! He’s terrible. I don’t say anything compared to Donald Trump!’

To him, political correctness is horrible for comics. “They all jump on me,” he said. “They pick on me and let everyone else alone. We have to say outrageous things and push the environment. That’s our job.”

And he’s always thinking up new ideas, including a patented methodology to improve slot machine play. (He cited the patent to me: 7,972,210). “My body’s old but my spirit is hip,” he said.

Gallagher said he lives simply, going hotel to hotel to friend’s homes. As noted earlier, he gave his savings to his kids. His only bills are medical and phone bills. “My daughter pays for those,” he said. “I don’t own a car or a house. Even when I had a house, I lived out of hotels. It doesn’t change my life much.”

As for retirement, he has no idea what that means. “I love this,” he said. “I do a two hour show, then spend an hour before the show in the lobby with my fans. You can’t count this as a job.”

How about a woman in his life? “I can’t have any relationships with a woman. They would hook up with me and fall in love, then I’ll die. I don’t want to be involved. You know there’s nothing sexual about me. I’d rather get stoned and have a good laugh.”

“I’ve had enough sex,” he added. “I’m 69. I quit having sex in 2000!”

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Re: Legendary Comedian GALLAGHER
Posted by: Hell yes ()
Date: March 29, 2018 11:05PM

This thread rules. Gallagher forever!

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Re: Legendary Comedian GALLAGHER
Posted by: TMOS patrol ()
Date: March 29, 2018 11:45PM

Where is peekza? He just magically disappeared.

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Re: Legendary Comedian GALLAGHER
Posted by: Gallagher Corpse Fucking? ()
Date: March 30, 2018 07:37PM

Does Gallagher still travel with the corpse of his dead daughter and fuck it in various motel rooms? My wife and I were going to do a soft swap with him once in Akron but that was too weird for me.

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Re: Legendary Comedian GALLAGHER
Posted by: GalIagher Smash ()
Date: June 08, 2018 12:16AM

Hi Gallants and Gallafriends!

It’s been a long time since I have posted. But I am hoping resurrect the lively discussion we were having about Gallagher.

Let me kick start the fun by sharing a great recent review of Gallagher’s show.

Yours in comedy,
Gallagher Smash


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Re: Legendary Comedian GALLAGHER
Posted by: Gallagher Rulez! ()
Date: June 08, 2018 10:22PM

Let's get this party started. Gallagher's making comedy great again!

Here's a portion of a pretty good interview with Gali-G:


Jon Solomon takes a break from installing a hidden camera in the Benson family toilet to forward the following interview with comic legend Gallagher by The Oregonian’s Ed Condran.

Q: You’ve received considerable grief from critics for using props.

A: In the early days, Jay Leno told me that props are the enemy of wit. Now Jay uses props on his show all the time. Dave (Letterman) has smashed things on his show and has worn a Teflon suit. (Editor’s note: Actually, Letterman occasionally wears a Velcro suit.) All that has that Gallagher flair, but I’m not on their shows. It’s amazing. Dave and I used to work the same club in the (San Fernando) Valley all the time.

Q Why won’t Jay Leno or David Letterman book you for their shows, considering you started out together?

A: I don’t know. Johnny (Carson) hated me, and I was on his “Tonight Show.”

Q: How was Letterman’s stand-up?

A: It was terrible. You see how it is every night. He does three jokes. But Dave once told me that he didn’t need an act. He told me that he was going to be a talk-show host. What I never got was that he was never funny enough to be a guest, so how does he become the host? But that’s America for you. America wants the mediocre. It doesn’t want the heroic or the moral.

Q: Much of your set is spontaneous.

A: That’s by design. A spontaneous moment will get twice the response of a set joke. I figured out a long time ago to work spontaneously. Robin Williams does this. But Robin always has C-level jokes since he does them so spontaneously. The thing about him is that when he says something, you think, “What does that mean?” . . . Everything he says seems funny but it’s not really a joke. He was well known for taking jokes because he’s an actor looking for a script. The same goes for Chevy Chase and Tom Hanks.

Q: How was Hank’s stand-up?

A: It was terrible.

Q: But he went on to become a huge star.

A: Yes, it’s frustrating. He didn’t go on the road (as a stand-up) and work anywhere. I went off on the road and worked. He and Michael Keaton would meet someone in the movie business and, bang, they’re millionaires and living in Beverly Hills. You have (my) skill and ability and you’re renting a condo.

Q : So Michael Keaton was a stand-up?

A: He was a terrible comedian. Jim Carrey was embarrassing. He didn’t know where to go with that broad, overplayed action that he has. He could really look stupid. It amazes me that these comedians have serious acting careers.

What qualifies them to be serious actors? Serious actors must be irritated by this. Why does Jim Carrey get a serious part when he got famous by overacting?

Q: How did it feel when you received the news that you were the 100th best stand-up according to Comedy Central?

A: It stunk. I looked at the other people and I was trying to find anyone I ever heard of. How could I be behind people I never heard of? How many of these people stayed in the business for 20 years? I made 13 one-hour shows for Showtime, which are available on videotape. I invented the one-man show on cable.

Q: What’s it like to be an outsider after all these years in the business?

A : It could be worse. I guess I’m lucky I’m not the 101st person on that list. I might not be accepted in New York and L.A., but I have my fans and they’ve been very good to me.

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Re: Legendary Comedian GALLAGHER
Posted by: GalIagher Smash ()
Date: June 30, 2018 05:43AM

Great interview with Comedy's Gallagher I stumbled upon. Please enjoy it as I have:


Less than two weeks after suffering his third major heart attack, Gallagher told CNN he's suspending his comedy club career to improve his health and give him more time to work on new challenges.

"I'm sick and tired of it," the 65-year-old comedian said of constantly touring at small clubs. Instead, he'll finish a cartoon movie script he's been writing and try to create television shows, he said.

"If Betty White can have a career at her age, I might have two or three years of something different," Gallagher said. White turned 90 this year.
Gallagher has been performing his prop comedy -- most notably using his trademark Sledge-O-Matic to smash watermelons and other objects -- on the road for 32 years.

He suffered his latest major heart attack on March 14 while waiting to on stage at Hat Tricks in Lewisville, Texas. It came a year after another heart attack suffered while on the stage of a Minnesota club.

And his promotional manager, Christine Scherrer, confirmed to CNN that the comedian suffered yet another heart attack -- albeit a mild one -- on Sunday due to complications from the March 14 attack. Gallagher was awake and resting comfortably Sunday night at a hospital in Sedona, Arizona, Scherrer said.

Following the March 14 heart attack and after two stents were placed in his clogged coronary arteries and he spent several days in an induced coma, Gallagher checked himself out of the hospital.

"It's a plumbing problem, and once the plumber opens up the pipe you feel fine," he said in a CNN interview Saturday.

The long flights and poor diet that come with comedy one-night stands could kill him, Gallagher said.

"Maybe that's why I have the heart attacks," he said. "I don't really exercise that much."

Besides, "there's no more challenge" in the clubs, he said.
"I'm tired of going to these bars," he said. "I'm just tired of it, and I want to have the time to put something else together."

Small clubs also limit his income, he said. "Just figure it out, 250 people at $25 each. Plus, there's the advertising and the bar wants to make some money. It's not a good business."

The next challenge could be on television or in the movies, he said.
Gallagher produced 14 Showtime comedy specials over 25 years. He thinks his comedy is better now than ever.

He's been on the road constantly in recent years to pay the mortgage on two Los Angeles homes, making him unavailable to develop more television specials, he said.

He's writing a cartoon movie that's "like a graphic novel," but "I just need the time to do it," he said.

The cancellation of his tour, which would have taken him to Massachusetts, Pennsylvania, Louisiana, Virginia, California and Wisconsin over the next two months, could give him that time, he said.

"I am going to stand at the end of the bar like a whore waiting to be picked up by a cowboy," he said.

He decided to stop paying the mortgages on his big homes and let the bank have them, because he was staying in hotel rooms every night anyway, he said. He expects to continue the hotel stays, without choosing one city to settle in, he

"I can be anywhere," he said.

The Sledge-O-Matic, which is just a large wooden mallet, is not Gallagher's only invention. He holds the patent on software for slot machines and a solar-powered vending machine.

Before show business, Gallagher earned a chemical engineering degree and served as a chief chemical engineer at a large plant, he said.

Politics is another area where Gallagher claims expertise.

"I know America better than these politicians," he said. "I know what people laugh at. I know their vocabulary."

Actor Arnold Schwarzenegger beat Gallagher when he ran for governor in California's recall election in 2003. Gallagher placed 16th out of 135 candidates with about 5,000 votes.

He tried out a new political joke on the CNN interviewer: "It's still called Capitol Hill because they never had a mountain of capital."

Gallagher fans who delighted in his wordplay while dodging pieces of watermelon that sprayed his audiences can hope that he'll someday return to the live comedy stage.

His promotional manager, Scherrer, says he just needs time to rest and recover.
Until then, his tour is canceled.

"I'll just let the dust settle," Gallagher said.

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Re: Legendary Comedian GALLAGHER
Posted by: GalIagher Smash ()
Date: September 30, 2018 12:02PM

Patience, my Gallants.

I am out of the hospital and ready to talk Gallagher.

Bear with me as I ease back into the saddle.

More to come in the next 24 hours

Love & Comedy,

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Re: Legendary Comedian GALLAGHER
Posted by: Old Buddy ()
Date: September 30, 2018 01:46PM

GS, are you not aware there is a new TMOS thread? It would be just like old times if you shared your wonderful Gallagher posts and pictures in there again. I’m sure the TMOS klubbers in there would welcome you once again.

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Re: Legendary Comedian GALLAGHER
Posted by: harry ()
Date: January 11, 2019 04:08AM

show more hairy pussy pics

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Re: Legendary Comedian GALLAGHER
Posted by: Gallafriend ()
Date: June 04, 2019 12:22AM

Gallagher is my favorite comic. Gallagher Smash please don’t forget us gallants.

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Re: Legendary Comedian GALLAGHER
Posted by: Back in the day ()
Date: June 04, 2019 02:15AM

I remember watching that guy when I was a kid. The thing with the watermelon, CLASSIC!

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