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Fairfax Underground
Welcome to Fairfax Underground, a project site designed to improve communication among residents of Fairfax County, VA. Feel free to post anything Northern Virginia residents would find interesting.
If the squatting and squeezing over a toilet doesn't suit you, try laying down and get in this position. Then push hard until the object passes out of you.
Re: Anybody know how to get a cucumber out of my ass
Posted by:
True the Vote!
()
Date: July 20, 2017 08:42AM
Gerry (covfefe) Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Why would you ever want to take a cucumber out of
> your ass?
>
> The only reason I would is to replace it with a
> bigger one.
Re: Anybody know how to get a cucumber out of my ass
Posted by:
McGyver
()
Date: July 20, 2017 09:47AM
Get a 1/2" plastic rod at least 2' long, a corkscrew, some Loc-Tite and K-Y. Using a Dremel tool, or if you don't have one, a hacksaw and a vise will do, or, if you don't have a vise, use a pair of Channel Locks. It will take longer with the last 2, but it can be done. Saw or cut the handle on the corkscrew right where the shank meets it.
Get a 1/8" drill and carefully drill a hole in the end of the plastic rod long enough to hold the shank of the corkscrew. Fill the hole with Loc-Tite, put some more on the shank then insert the corkscrew in the hole. Allow to dry as specified in the directions on the Loc-Tite. Once dry, take a file and dull the sharp end of the corkscrew to minimize injury to your anal canal.
Remove pants and underwear. Take K-Y and apply a lot of it to corkscrew and plastic rod. You can bend over on your knees with your butt in the air or lay one your back and raise and spread your legs like a girl who's about to get a reaming. If you do the latter, a cushion might make it easier.
Spread some K-Y around your bunghole and in it. Then insert the rod/corkscrew combination slowly and carefully into your bunghole. When you feel the cucumber resist it, twist the rod as much as necessary for you to be sure the corkscrew has a firm purchase on the cucumber. Finally, slowly with draw the rod and it will bring the cucumber with it.
In the future, don't be such a cheapskate. If you want to stick things up your bunghole, go online or go to a kinky store (there's one on Route Seven in Tyson's) and buy a dildo or butt plug. They come in different sizes. buy a dildo that has a base or a ball sack, so you don't get it caught up your ass like you did with the cucumber.