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Excuses for not going to work
Posted by: OPM ()
Date: September 20, 2009 07:04AM

1. If it is all the same to you I won't be coming in to work. The voices told me to clean all the guns today.

2. When I got up this morning I took two Ex-Lax in addition to my Prozac. I can't get off the john, but I feel good about it.

3. I set half the clocks in my house ahead an hour and the other half back an hour Saturday and spent 18 hours in some kind of space-time continuum loop, reliving Sunday (right up until the explosion). I was able to exit the loop only by reversing the polarity of the power source exactly e*log(pi) clocks in the house while simulMidtaneously rapping my dog on the snout with a rolled up
Washington Post. Accordingly, I will be in late, or early.

4. My stigmata's acting up.

5. I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. OK?

6. I have a rare case of 48-hour projectile leprosy, but I know we have that deadline to meet...

7. I am stuck in the blood pressure machine at Giant.

8. Yes, I seem to have contracted some attention-deficit disorder and, hey, how about them Redskins, huh? So, I won't be able to, yes, could I help you? No, no, I'll be sticking with Sprint, but thank you for calling.

9. Constipation has made me a walking time bomb.

10. I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I shouldn't come to work knowing my employee records may now contain false information.

11. The psychiatrist said it was an excellent session. He even gave me this jaw restraint so I won't bite things when I am startled.

12. The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the vet.

13. I prefer to remain an enigma.

14. My mother in law has come back as one of the Undead and we must track her to her coffin to drive a stake through her heart and give her eternal peace. One day should do it.

15. I can't come to work today because the EPA has determined that my house is completely surrounded by wetlands and I have to arrange for helicopter transportation.

16. I am converting my calendar from Julian to Gregorian.

17. I am extremely sensitive to a rise in the interest rates.

18. I refuse to travel to my job until there is a commuter tax. I insist on paying my fair share.

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Re: Excuses for not going to work
Posted by: they live among us ()
Date: September 20, 2009 07:52AM

Please read: Fairfax underground, feel free to post anything that Nothern Virginia residents would find INTERESTING

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Re: Excuses for not going to work
Posted by: ffxstoner ()
Date: September 20, 2009 12:07PM

they live among us Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Please read: Fairfax underground, feel free to
> post anything that Nothern Virginia residents
> would find INTERESTING


Off-Topic
Anything and everything that's not related to Northern Virginia

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Re: Excuses for not going to work
Posted by: Bartelby ()
Date: September 20, 2009 12:18PM

I would prefer not to.




http://www.bartleby.com/129/

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Re: Excuses for not going to work
Posted by: OPM ()
Date: September 20, 2009 01:10PM

they live among us Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Please read: Fairfax underground, feel free to
> post anything that Nothern Virginia residents
> would find INTERESTING

You have no sense of humor and have obviously never worked for the Federal government.

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Re: Excuses for not going to work
Posted by: they live among us ()
Date: September 20, 2009 04:49PM

OPM Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> they live among us Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > Please read: Fairfax underground, feel free
> to
> > post anything that Nothern Virginia residents
> > would find INTERESTING
>
> You have no sense of humor and have obviously
> never worked for the Federal government.


spent 3 years with the feds to see how fucked up they are, its a wonder anything ever gets done there with the nepotism and self serving laziness at every juncture....

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Re: Excuses for not going to work
Posted by: FoolSmacker ()
Date: September 20, 2009 07:26PM

OPM Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
>
> You have no sense of humor and have obviously
> never worked for the Federal government.


Or perhaps, he didn't find the list funny, just as he probably didn't find it all that funny the first dozen times a friend or relative e-mailed it to him, several years ago.

---------------------------------
Who knows from whence he came, and who knows where he goes, dot dot dot.

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Re: Excuses for not going to work
Posted by: MrMephisto ()
Date: September 20, 2009 08:20PM

OPM Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> they live among us Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > Please read: Fairfax underground, feel free
> to
> > post anything that Nothern Virginia residents
> > would find INTERESTING
>
> You have no sense of humor and have obviously
> never worked for the Federal government.

I have a pretty good sense of humor, but I can't see the government buying any of those excuses.

--------------------------------------------------------------
13 4826 0948 82695 25847. Yes.

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