Here's what y'all don't know about the night Gov. Perry said I was driving like a drunken fool, which I wasn't, cause I'm not a fat-ass drunk; that's y'all's problem.
I wasn't falling down or bumping into the cops. It just looked like that cause I have a bad back. Call Greg, he knows about my back AND my hip.
So, April 13, I left work around 4PM to go home and work on some personal tax shit. I had several vodka drinks with sparkling water. How much? That's y'all's problem cause I don't fuckin remember.
The tax shit got boring so I went to the movies and had three glasses of wine. That, I know because of the goddamn receipts.
After the movie, I stopped at a liquor store and bought a bottle of vodka, nothing wrong with that, and mixed a few drinks in a convenience store parking lot, where I bought some soda.
I was sitting in my Lexus, nothing wrong with that, checking my email and messing on my phone.
Next, I tried to drive home and I wasn't driving erratically like y'all think. I wasn't drunk, but some jerk called 911 and lied about me driving into oncoming traffic.
What's wrong with y'all? Do you know who I am? I'm the fucking DA! Call Greg!
The last time I drank was on the plane to rehab. I had two, maybe three glasses of wine. Nothing wrong with that, I'm a nervous flyer.
So, fuck off, y'all.