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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: 5 am guy ()
Date: September 07, 2016 05:01AM

Hi all! 5am guy checking in again. 5am guy likes the brown poetic twists in the most recent posts. 5am guy aint no poet but you would never know it,

5am guy just got through a session in the handicapped bathroom stall. The magnets 5am guy is using to hold a laptop shelf and speakers to the inside of the stall doors are working very well, this way 5am guy can watch and hear the whale song youtube videos. 5am guy would like to burn some sandalwood incense but 5am guy is afraid it might engauge the fire alarm system. 5am guy may try scented candles instead.

5am guy is still seeing the therapist but the 40 dollar co-pays are getting to be too much for 5am guys modest budget. 5am guy told his therapist that he wants to cut back to one weekly session instead of two, the therapist did not like this and looked like she was going to cry. 5am guy gave in and booked two sessions.

5am guy wishes happy bowel movements to everyone here!

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: September 07, 2016 08:09AM

Crying about Dining Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> 45 Minutes Of enjoyment 3 days Of Pain had to go
> to the hospital because my ass would not drain
> Then in the morning as I walked away I was
> thankful for the enema that I took that day.


Oh man I'm sorry to hear this painful event. How are your bowels now ?

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: September 07, 2016 08:11AM

5 am guy Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Hi all! 5am guy checking in again. 5am guy likes
> the brown poetic twists in the most recent posts.
> 5am guy aint no poet but you would never know it,
>
> 5am guy just got through a session in the
> handicapped bathroom stall. The magnets 5am guy is
> using to hold a laptop shelf and speakers to the
> inside of the stall doors are working very well,
> this way 5am guy can watch and hear the whale song
> youtube videos. 5am guy would like to burn some
> sandalwood incense but 5am guy is afraid it might
> engauge the fire alarm system. 5am guy may try
> scented candles instead.
>
> 5am guy is still seeing the therapist but the 40
> dollar co-pays are getting to be too much for 5am
> guys modest budget. 5am guy told his therapist
> that he wants to cut back to one weekly session
> instead of two, the therapist did not like this
> and looked like she was going to cry. 5am guy gave
> in and booked two sessions.
>
> 5am guy wishes happy bowel movements to everyone
> here!

Those $40 sessions are expensive 5 am. Just out of curiousity is it helping with your bowels, and if you feel comfortable, I'd like any tips from a doctor who's not sticking a Louisville Slugger up my ass.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Spicy Thai food last night ()
Date: September 07, 2016 08:21AM

Spicy Thai food last night. This morning had a spicy BM. Not unpleasant just spicy. Because I eat well, exercise and most importantly live and let live my bowels are kind to me. I dont judge others based on where they are from or the color of their skin. The reward is BMs are never unpleasant and often feel good.

Im quite glad the racists here suffer - it seems just.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: CNye6 ()
Date: September 07, 2016 10:36AM

<Brown Onion

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: September 07, 2016 11:23AM

This reminiscing about the savages from Asia, brings back good memories from Nam.

They would shit in holes over there. Plus my bowels were in prime position back then.

Aside from the clap from a Cambodian hooker, those were the days.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: September 07, 2016 12:53PM

Sitting on the groan throne
Feel the depths of my level of moan
The pain in my bowels
Leads to nothing but howls.

Like a wild animal caught in a trap
The screams are horrid from a crap
The steamers I push out are large
Quite often they are like an ocean barge.

Shiver me timbers my starfish is in hurt
It's nothing against you my bowels are curt
The oppressive log creates a jam
The walls of my rectum are like a dam

The thirty three feet are long
It would help if I could smoke a bong
The pain is intense it is very real
My butt is ripped off like an orange peel.

The smells are far from nice
Could you lend me a bag of ice
The midwives show up with a clatter
To deal with me and my brown matter.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Miscavage ()
Date: September 07, 2016 01:53PM

Brown Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Sitting on the groan throne
> Feel the depths of my level of moan
> The pain in my bowels
> Leads to nothing but howls.
>
> Like a wild animal caught in a trap
> The screams are horrid from a crap
> The steamers I push out are large
> Quite often they are like an ocean barge.
>
> Shiver me timbers my starfish is in hurt
> It's nothing against you my bowels are curt
> The oppressive log creates a jam
> The walls of my rectum are like a dam
>
> The thirty three feet are long
> It would help if I could smoke a bong
> The pain is intense it is very real
> My butt is ripped off like an orange peel.
>
> The smells are far from nice
> Could you lend me a bag of ice
> The midwives show up with a clatter
> To deal with me and my brown matter.


You are a poet that didn't know it lol

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Hard Wiper ()
Date: September 07, 2016 02:12PM

Government buildings are the worst. I understand the tax payers of this country pay my salary, but the TP is abrasive to my rear end. If our director could purchase better TP, I'd have less problems, and there are probably coworkers who feel the same way. I can't think of a way to bring this up.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: shitting out of the keyboard ()
Date: September 07, 2016 03:26PM

Brown Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Sitting on the groan throne
> Feel the depths of my level of moan
> The pain in my bowels
> Leads to nothing but howls.
>
> Like a wild animal caught in a trap
> The screams are horrid from a crap
> The steamers I push out are large
> Quite often they are like an ocean barge.
>
> Shiver me timbers my starfish is in hurt
> It's nothing against you my bowels are curt
> The oppressive log creates a jam
> The walls of my rectum are like a dam
>
> The thirty three feet are long
> It would help if I could smoke a bong
> The pain is intense it is very real
> My butt is ripped off like an orange peel.
>
> The smells are far from nice
> Could you lend me a bag of ice
> The midwives show up with a clatter
> To deal with me and my brown matter.

I wish you had a harder time shitting out of the keyboard than you do out your asshole. Your poem is pure shit which really makes sense given your fetish.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Jimmy B ()
Date: September 07, 2016 03:27PM

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Jimmy B ()
Date: September 07, 2016 03:27PM

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Jimmy B ()
Date: September 07, 2016 03:28PM

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Deadly combo ()
Date: September 07, 2016 03:32PM

Afternoon BiBs! Hope all are doing at least reasonably well today. Just had my mid-afternoon dump. Piece of fruit with lunch worked like magic again. Here's to #4#2s for all!

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: September 07, 2016 08:17PM

Good comics and deadly so good to hear from you. A toast of castor oil for all brothers in bowel, wine for our bowel buddies!

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: September 07, 2016 08:24PM

There's a tear in my beer
As I've got pain in my rear
Sitting on the groan throne smell
Enduring my own digestive hell.

My sphincter doesn't feel swell
My bowels are far from well
I wish to make the Bristol Stool Guide
Yet no #4 #2s from pain in my side

There's nothing but a lot of strain
Sweating screams and loads of pain
All to just pinch a loaf
Yet what lurks below is both

It could be a boat, it could be a car
No matter what I do results in a scar
The pain in my ass for real
My bowels are not a squeaky wheel

I'll finish this evening with dread
Hoping my bowel buster don't make me dead
I wish all a wonderful shit
My butt is going to be hit.

The aroma and the smell
Are far from being swell
I see flies dropping in air
My condition is far from fair

An Epsom salt bath is to be made
There's no chance I'll get laid
Instead my starfish will get stress
My butt will look like Rudolf Hess

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Txyvz ()
Date: September 08, 2016 03:44AM

Brown Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> There's a tear in my beer
> As I've got pain in my rear
> Sitting on the groan throne smell
> Enduring my own digestive hell.
>
> My sphincter doesn't feel swell
> My bowels are far from well
> I wish to make the Bristol Stool Guide
> Yet no #4 #2s from pain in my side
>
> There's nothing but a lot of strain
> Sweating screams and loads of pain
> All to just pinch a loaf
> Yet what lurks below is both
>
> It could be a boat, it could be a car
> No matter what I do results in a scar
> The pain in my ass for real
> My bowels are not a squeaky wheel
>
> I'll finish this evening with dread
> Hoping my bowel buster don't make me dead
> I wish all a wonderful shit
> My butt is going to be hit.
>
> The aroma and the smell
> Are far from being swell
> I see flies dropping in air
> My condition is far from fair
>
> An Epsom salt bath is to be made
> There's no chance I'll get laid
> Instead my starfish will get stress
> My butt will look like Rudolf Hess


Tee hee starfish groan throne scat fans.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: 5am guy ()
Date: September 08, 2016 05:00AM

Brown Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> 5 am guy Wrote:
> -----------------------------
> >
> > 5am guy wishes happy bowel movements to
> everyone
> > here!
>
> Those $40 sessions are expensive 5 am. Just out of
> curiousity is it helping with your bowels, and if
> you feel comfortable, I'd like any tips from a
> doctor who's not sticking a Louisville Slugger up
> my ass.


5am guy has not really discussed the issue of bowels with his therapist but maybe 5am guy will do that later today as quite frankly, 5am guy is running out of stuff to talk to her about. The therapist keeps talking about the death of 5am guys big sister and the break up of 5am guys parents when 5am guy was very young and she is blaming all of 5am guys problems on those two events in 5am guys life.

5am guy took a nice 2 hour dump earlier while listening to whale song and some music by MC 900foot Jesus. 5am guy forgot to plug in the lava lamp so it did not have time to warm up.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: September 08, 2016 07:08AM

Oh my I'm so sorry 5 am about your family tragedies. It affects many parts of us I'm afraid. My heart and bowels go out to you today.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Hebdo shooting ()
Date: September 08, 2016 08:00AM

Except for the post Hebdo shooting, I honestly think those are the least funny cartoons Ive ever seen. Of course the Hebdo cartoons were meant to be solemn/outraged.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: September 08, 2016 08:46AM

Hebdo shooting Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Except for the post Hebdo shooting, I honestly
> think those are the least funny cartoons Ive ever
> seen. Of course the Hebdo cartoons were meant to
> be solemn/outraged.


Is Hebdo a new bowel problem I haven't heard of yet?

I know later the groan throne, is going to be my own demonic nightmare.

You know that "battle of the bulge" feeling prior to dropping off a U boat?

Hell hath no fury. There will be pain, strain and midwives.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Splatter ()
Date: September 08, 2016 09:17AM

I raced around like a mouse cleaning up the employee bathroom. It's bad having to carry cleaning supplies. On a positive note I don't think anyone will notice with cleaning spray and Febreze.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: September 08, 2016 10:00AM

There's a pain in my belly
As I try watching the telly
My bowels feel like rump roast
As I eat my morning toast

My dog looks at me with sad eyes
My doctors suggestions are all lies
On his table my buttocks sit
Nothing has helped my painful shit

I rest knowing what's coming
Beware of the stomach humming
Pain is close I simply pray
That one day I'll not have to say

Oh groan throne how I need you
As my bowels also do too
Thirty plus feet of a hose to my rear
My eyes look like a hunted wild deer

The farts remind me what's on the way
I think my doctor probably is gay
The wetback janitor will be cleaning the floor
As I make my beeline for the door

Off with your pants is how it is done
An anonscope is not a bit fun
My doctors thick fingers search for a truffle
My bowels are so easy to ruffle.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Anon Doc. ()
Date: September 08, 2016 11:40AM

Immature nursery rhymes seem appropriate here.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: September 08, 2016 12:03PM

The Slavic festival at St Michaels everyone invited

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: September 08, 2016 01:33PM

Gordorsky Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> The Slavic festival at St Michaels everyone
> invited


That's true brother in bowel spirit Gordo. Any more information you can share with us?

My imminent delivery is going to be a monster. The grunting, sweating, screaming is going to be intense, and the aromas putrid. It's a normal experience but I'd trade a kidney for a #4 #2.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: September 08, 2016 02:20PM

I sit here on the chair
There's something to be aware
A fire below of pain
And the soon brown stain.

My butt hurts like broken glass
Oh why did I get a defective ass
There's going to be a clatter
As I drop off brown matter

My bowels have betrayed me
My eyes can barely see
The room spins and turns
I know there will be burns

Grinding teeth biting on a belt
This one is going to be felt
The carnage from behind
My rectum I can't find

My poor fish will hurt
Out will come brown dirt
I look forward release
Maybe then there will be peace

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Diced Onion ()
Date: September 08, 2016 03:17PM

I made a awful decision with steak eggs and hash browns. That was beyond stupid.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Jimmy B ()
Date: September 08, 2016 03:46PM

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Jimmy B ()
Date: September 08, 2016 03:47PM

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Jimmy B ()
Date: September 08, 2016 03:47PM

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Jimmy B ()
Date: September 08, 2016 03:48PM

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Jimmy B ()
Date: September 08, 2016 03:48PM

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: dive bomber ()
Date: September 08, 2016 04:43PM

Diced Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I made a awful decision with steak eggs and hash
> browns. That was beyond stupid.

You know diced I did the same stupid thing Tuesday. The wife was out of town and I decided to eat at a little place right off the interstate here in Harrisonburg. It was a truckstop buffet and for whatever reason I ate two chicken fried steaks smothered in sausage gravy with eggs and hash browns. About three hours later I was on the groan throne and moaning like a wounded animal.
Sometimes I just get tired of eating fruit and cheerios for breakfast and get the urge to eat something really bad. It happens to the best of us. I watched in awe as several truckers ate twice what I did and washed it down with multiple cups of black coffee only to climb into their rigs to go drive for 10 or more hours.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: dive bomber ()
Date: September 08, 2016 04:52PM

Brown Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I sit here on the chair
> There's something to be aware
> A fire below of pain
> And the soon brown stain.
>
> My butt hurts like broken glass
> Oh why did I get a defective ass
> There's going to be a clatter
> As I drop off brown matter
>
> My bowels have betrayed me
> My eyes can barely see
> The room spins and turns
> I know there will be burns
>
> Grinding teeth biting on a belt
> This one is going to be felt
> The carnage from behind
> My rectum I can't find
>
> My poor fish will hurt
> Out will come brown dirt
> I look forward release
> Maybe then there will be peace


I am liking your poetic contributions to the thread Brown. It is a good coping mechanism mixed with comedic creativity. It reminds me of the work of that jjohnny bravo guy and his weird Al like contributions.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: September 08, 2016 04:52PM

Nice comics from Jimmy B. The laugh is needed, as I await tonight's birthing and placenta.

I agree with dive Diced. It can happen to the bowel trodden easily. Our bowels tell our brains, not the other way around unfortunately.

And Dive is correct. Bland foods pale in comparison to that delightful looking and aromatic pepperoni pizza. The wops screwed us with that dish, and one time I dropped Mussolini in the groan throne bowl. The amount of grease from that greaser was shocking.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: September 08, 2016 04:53PM

dive bomber Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Brown Onion Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > I sit here on the chair
> > There's something to be aware
> > A fire below of pain
> > And the soon brown stain.
> >
> > My butt hurts like broken glass
> > Oh why did I get a defective ass
> > There's going to be a clatter
> > As I drop off brown matter
> >
> > My bowels have betrayed me
> > My eyes can barely see
> > The room spins and turns
> > I know there will be burns
> >
> > Grinding teeth biting on a belt
> > This one is going to be felt
> > The carnage from behind
> > My rectum I can't find
> >
> > My poor fish will hurt
> > Out will come brown dirt
> > I look forward release
> > Maybe then there will be peace
>
>
> I am liking your poetic contributions to the
> thread Brown. It is a good coping mechanism mixed
> with comedic creativity. It reminds me of the work
> of that jjohnny bravo guy and his weird Al like
> contributions.

Thank you dive. They've been therapeutic, but we need Mr Bravo to return as he's the master.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Scat scat scat ()
Date: September 08, 2016 05:35PM

All of you are sick bloodsucking scat lovers who are seriously fucked up!

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: September 08, 2016 07:53PM

My starfish is sore, but I thank the midwives who gave me a Cuban cigar.

Probably for fumigation purposes.

Either way mission accomplished.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: 5am guy ()
Date: September 09, 2016 04:49AM

Creeping down the hallway in the middle of the night
Finding me a crapper that looks just right
To set up a computer and a lava light
Everybody has a little secret he keeps
5am guy takes the dumps while the city sleeps.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: YDXGH ()
Date: September 09, 2016 08:12AM

Jesus, one guy talking to himself on this thread - really sad. Im guessing that sick fuck eesh.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: September 09, 2016 09:25AM

5am guy Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Creeping down the hallway in the middle of the
> night
> Finding me a crapper that looks just right
> To set up a computer and a lava light
> Everybody has a little secret he keeps
> 5am guy takes the dumps while the city sleeps.


Well done 5 am! Very much so. You should be proud of your shit as I dig it.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Jigaboo Bubblelips ()
Date: September 09, 2016 09:34AM

YDXGH Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Jesus, one guy talking to himself on this thread -
> really sad. Im guessing that sick fuck eesh.


Ironically, the one person on this thread is your mom.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: September 09, 2016 10:53AM

There's a pain in my rear
As I sit with this beer
My bowels feel bad
And my emotions sad.

The groan throne sits
It's going to be shits
As I wail away pushing a load
I'll look like a over large toad

The stain in your pants
Is not for romance
Instead it stinks to hell
Throw pennies in the well

Try to make a wish
To make your bowels dish
The giant sized grap you are about to drop
It's going to be a smelly shop.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Bowel-ku ()
Date: September 09, 2016 11:11AM

My innards aflame
Traitor, thy name is anus
Sphincter agony

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: When is your next court date? ()
Date: September 09, 2016 11:15AM

Jigaboo Bubblelips Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> YDXGH Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > Jesus, one guy talking to himself on this thread
> -
> > really sad. Im guessing that sick fuck eesh.
>
>
> Ironically, the one person on this thread is your
> mom.

yup, definitely Eesh. How long you out for?

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Biscuit Fuck ()
Date: September 09, 2016 11:54AM

This?
Attachments:
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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: September 09, 2016 12:23PM

When is your next court date? Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Jigaboo Bubblelips Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > YDXGH Wrote:
> >
> --------------------------------------------------
>
> > -----
> > > Jesus, one guy talking to himself on this
> thread
> > -
> > > really sad. Im guessing that sick fuck eesh.
> >
> >
> > Ironically, the one person on this thread is
> your
> > mom.
>
> yup, definitely Eesh. How long you out for?


Hey asshole, EESH has been a wonderful supporter of the bowel thread.

How are your bowels? As of yet nothing about Gerrys

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Splatter ()
Date: September 09, 2016 01:11PM

I made a mess after lunch. The knocks on the bathroom stall made me nervous. I'm glad they were there after most of the cleaning was done. No one asks me what's in my work bag. It's all kinds of cleaning materials. They have helped but I wish I had more choices.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Biscuit Fuck wins ()
Date: September 09, 2016 01:36PM

Biscuit Fuck wins 'The First to Post A Funny Image' award for this thread. Congrats. Please contact Jimmy B/Brown Onion/eesh and give them some pointers on humor.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: September 09, 2016 01:44PM

Look at the superior bowel folks. Stirring up shit, making a mockery of our bowel woes. If this thread was about cystic Fibrosis or MS we'd be getting support if every type.

Instead we get crapped on instead. Bowel issues are opening the holy grail to those with superior bowels. They want us to consider our health condition a taboo, and call us names instead of at least shutting up. Their arrogance in being assholes is very much real and its discrimination.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Miscavage ()
Date: September 09, 2016 05:14PM

I'll always have your back brown onion and everyone else. Don't let party poopers that are jealous interfere. This "bowel buddy" approves. I've been educated and entertained.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: September 09, 2016 08:37PM

Miscavage Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I'll always have your back brown onion and
> everyone else. Don't let party poopers that are
> jealous interfere. This "bowel buddy" approves.
> I've been educated and entertained.


Thank you as you are every bit a bowel buddy. Do you know any hazmat teams I can call?

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: September 09, 2016 10:25PM

I feel what appears to slip
And then a giant rip
There's a sounding like thunder
Leaving my bowels in plunder.

Yes it's just the Bristol Stool Guide
But my bowels feel fried
The plumber will make extra cash
That wetbacks going to buy hash

The screams scare people miles away
And even scare butt loving people who are gay
My fish feels like it's been bruised
My bowels might need to be fused

Shitting out a large sized car
I'd like a drink at the bar
Instead it's time on the groan throne
As I listen to what's crackling bone

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: September 10, 2016 06:50AM

Good morning brothers in bowel, off to first watch which is bowel friendly and mostly white.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: dive bomber ()
Date: September 10, 2016 08:01AM

Brown Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Good morning brothers in bowel, off to first watch
> which is bowel friendly and mostly white.


Good luck with that Brown. You deserve a break from the groan throne routine.

It looks like I have been offered a part time job at JMU, just got the email this morning. It's four hours four days a week so I think I am going to accept it and give it a try anyway. Hopefully my bowels will cooperate with me. We are doing better than expected money wise since I retired but working 16 hours a week will bring in a few extra dollars.
A neighbor of mine is a JMU plumber and he was telling me that there is plenty of work going on at the campus putting gender neutral bathrooms in all the older buildings I guess many of our tax dollars will be spent to accommodate all the gender blenders out there!
I hope all the BiB's have a great weekend. Looking forward to some football tomorrow!

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: September 10, 2016 09:07AM

Congrats on your new job dive! Hope your bowels cooperate with you, and that all goes well in your new home. Do you have any photographs of your canary yellow groan throne.

Interesting to hear plumbers are making more money, this time because of people who choose to get their bowels plundered for whatever reason.

First Watch this morning was good, but the central American gang members in front wearing the same clothing ruined the ambiance. If anyone has free iguanas or pineapples, please donate them to these third world savages.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: dive bomber ()
Date: September 10, 2016 09:42AM

Brown Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Congrats on your new job dive! Hope your bowels
> cooperate with you, and that all goes well in your
> new home. Do you have any photographs of your
> canary yellow groan throne.
>
> Interesting to hear plumbers are making more
> money, this time because of people who choose to
> get their bowels plundered for whatever reason.
>
> First Watch this morning was good, but the central
> American gang members in front wearing the same
> clothing ruined the ambiance. If anyone has free
> iguanas or pineapples, please donate them to these
> third world savages.

Glad you had a chance to go out to eat this morning too bad about the ms13. Mrs Dive wants to eat at the Johnny Appleseed restaurant in New Market soon. If you ever get down this way you should try it, good food and the whitest people in the history of whiteness eat and work there.

http://www.qualityinn-shenandoahvalley.com/restaurant.html

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Diced Onion ()
Date: September 10, 2016 01:09PM

My butt just tried to process Twinkies. It's a mess!

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: superior bowels2 ()
Date: September 10, 2016 02:03PM

I can eat a big platter of food from cracker barrel and have a big milkshake with blueberry pie then stop in the restroom on the way out of cracker barrel and take a giant shit effortlessly in less than 90 seconds. My bowels are fantastic and I'm slightly underweight, my doctor wants me to gain 10 pounds. You bowel buddies or whatever are a bunch of losers.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: wttt ()
Date: September 10, 2016 03:24PM

SICK

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: September 10, 2016 08:31PM

superior bowels2 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I can eat a big platter of food from cracker
> barrel and have a big milkshake with blueberry pie
> then stop in the restroom on the way out of
> cracker barrel and take a giant shit effortlessly
> in less than 90 seconds. My bowels are fantastic
> and I'm slightly underweight, my doctor wants me
> to gain 10 pounds. You bowel buddies or whatever
> are a bunch of losers.


You are a complete asshole. I hope your starfish explodes.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: September 10, 2016 08:31PM

dive bomber Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Brown Onion Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > Congrats on your new job dive! Hope your bowels
> > cooperate with you, and that all goes well in
> your
> > new home. Do you have any photographs of your
> > canary yellow groan throne.
> >
> > Interesting to hear plumbers are making more
> > money, this time because of people who choose
> to
> > get their bowels plundered for whatever reason.
>
> >
> > First Watch this morning was good, but the
> central
> > American gang members in front wearing the same
> > clothing ruined the ambiance. If anyone has
> free
> > iguanas or pineapples, please donate them to
> these
> > third world savages.
>
> Glad you had a chance to go out to eat this
> morning too bad about the ms13. Mrs Dive wants to
> eat at the Johnny Appleseed restaurant in New
> Market soon. If you ever get down this way you
> should try it, good food and the whitest people in
> the history of whiteness eat and work there.
>
> http://www.qualityinn-shenandoahvalley.com/restaur
> ant.html

That looks pretty bowel friendly.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: 5 am guy ()
Date: September 11, 2016 04:56AM

Hi all! 5am guy checking in again. 5am guy ordered a couple of compact fluorescent blacklight bulbs from Amazon and they came in the other day. 5am guy has been running some extension cords above the drop ceiling in the mens room. These blacklights should enhance 5am guys nightly bathroom experience, tomorrow night will be the first test.
5am guy usually gets 2 nights off each week but with so many people taking vacation 5am guy has worked the last 2 weeks without a night off and this is making 5am guy a little bit CRAZY!
5am guy is on the verge of telling his therapist to fuck off. She takes 5am guys 40 dollars and just asks 5am guy a bunch of questions and tries to make 5am guy take prescription drugs. I bet 5am guy is making the payments on her Audi A5 convertible.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: September 11, 2016 06:19AM

5 am guy Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Hi all! 5am guy checking in again. 5am guy ordered
> a couple of compact fluorescent blacklight bulbs
> from Amazon and they came in the other day. 5am
> guy has been running some extension cords above
> the drop ceiling in the mens room. These
> blacklights should enhance 5am guys nightly
> bathroom experience, tomorrow night will be the
> first test.
> 5am guy usually gets 2 nights off each week but
> with so many people taking vacation 5am guy has
> worked the last 2 weeks without a night off and
> this is making 5am guy a little bit CRAZY!
> 5am guy is on the verge of telling his therapist
> to fuck off. She takes 5am guys 40 dollars and
> just asks 5am guy a bunch of questions and tries
> to make 5am guy take prescription drugs. I bet 5am
> guy is making the payments on her Audi A5
> convertible.


5 am sorry to hear your therapist is another superior bowel Audi driving ass.

But on a good note I hope you get those lamps soon. Plus I wish they'd give you a day off. You definitely deserve a break and your bowels do too.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: September 11, 2016 06:48AM

All I do is moan on the throne
Can someone throw me a bone
I'm tired of the grunts and pain
Sometimes I wonder are my bowels sane

The thirty feet of hose
The smell hurts the nose
This stench coming from that room
Seems to be a harbinger of doom

I wish my fish could get some rest
Somehow many years it's survived the test
The pushing downward of a large crap
That like a levee I'm worried it'll snap

The superior bowel folks have it made
They take a crap listening to Sade
Toilet paper stacks on the wall
Afterwards I just want to crawl

An ice pack on my starfish
Is the only treat I can wish
The pain is real it hurts so bad
Sometimes I get a little mad

My bowels have betrayed me, they've left me down
There's no smiles only a frown
I wish one day to have a normal shit
Until then I'll just have a fit

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: dive bomber ()
Date: September 11, 2016 07:39AM

I would like to take a moment to pay tribute to our fellow citizens who lost their lives 15 years ago today and countless others who were wounded and shit their pants in fear.

This video shows members of congress setting aside their differences if only for a short time to sing God bless America on the steps of the capitol.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Izb459vJ-8Q
Attachments:
september-11-tragedy.jpg
Pentagon_sept11.jpg
shanksville.jpg

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: denigrate victims of 9/11 ()
Date: September 11, 2016 09:13AM

^leave it to this thread to denigrate victims of 9/11. Why not stick to your scat fetish and unfunny cartoons. Why make those who lost family and friends envision loved ones in distress, befouled. Asshole.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: September 11, 2016 09:51AM

denigrate victims of 9/11 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> ^leave it to this thread to denigrate victims of
> 9/11. Why not stick to your scat fetish and
> unfunny cartoons. Why make those who lost family
> and friends envision loved ones in distress,
> befouled. Asshole.


You are the asshole. Let us never forget the countless Americans killed by savages on this day. God bless America!

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Hard Wiper ()
Date: September 11, 2016 02:24PM

Churches need to buy better TP also.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: red onion class of 2006 ()
Date: September 11, 2016 02:31PM

I spoke to my friend who got out of prison last wweek. I laughed like heck when he told me his parole officer found him a job cleaning a highway rest area on I-95 and on graveyard shift no less HA! what a shitty job. he says hes staying off the drugs. I told him I aint drinking with him again unless he is locked in a fuckin cage.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: September 11, 2016 03:40PM

There was a prison break this morning in my beleaguered schphinkter. Somehow, a cinderblock sized turd escaped from my relatively diminutive anal opening.

Lockdown? Oh, Lord, please no, that's what started this in the first place.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: September 11, 2016 05:32PM

That was a giant Don Deluiuse crap, that tore my ass into mere pieces.

The scene from the movie IT, where Pennywise as "Mrs. Marsh " picked up the broken mug is an accurate description.

My bowels somehow throw a planet sized deposit down the Hershey Highway, and my poor starfish is in immense pain.

A sitz bath is in the works, but I believe my starfish is so large, that I whistle when I walk.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Tony from Idaho ()
Date: September 11, 2016 06:20PM

Brown Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> denigrate victims of 9/11 Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > ^leave it to this thread to denigrate victims
> of
> > 9/11. Why not stick to your scat fetish and
> > unfunny cartoons. Why make those who lost
> family
> > and friends envision loved ones in distress,
> > befouled. Asshole.
>
>
> You are the asshole. Let us never forget the
> countless Americans killed by savages on this day.
> God bless America!

I think he was referring to "countless others who were wounded and shit their pants in fear." Poor taste to comment on bodily functions of those lost. Very insensitive and betrays the glib manner in which the poster was pretending to offer a memorial when they were just pranking the topic. Dont know why you would endorse such behavior so I am thinking you are the poster himself under a different name.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: September 11, 2016 06:36PM

Tony from Idaho Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Brown Onion Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > denigrate victims of 9/11 Wrote:
> >
> --------------------------------------------------
>
> > -----
> > > ^leave it to this thread to denigrate victims
> > of
> > > 9/11. Why not stick to your scat fetish and
> > > unfunny cartoons. Why make those who lost
> > family
> > > and friends envision loved ones in distress,
> > > befouled. Asshole.
> >
> >
> > You are the asshole. Let us never forget the
> > countless Americans killed by savages on this
> day.
> > God bless America!
>
> I think he was referring to "countless others who
> were wounded and shit their pants in fear." Poor
> taste to comment on bodily functions of those
> lost. Very insensitive and betrays the glib
> manner in which the poster was pretending to offer
> a memorial when they were just pranking the topic.
> Dont know why you would endorse such behavior so
> I am thinking you are the poster himself under a
> different name.


Hey dive bomber is my brother in bowel, and I know for a fact he didn't mean any harm. Sometimes shit haopens. Just like I have to tolerate Iguana and pineapple eating El Salvadorians, likewise I tolerate people with explosives under their pajamas.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Dave Johns ()
Date: September 11, 2016 07:43PM

Football day isn't goon for anyones digestive system. I bet a lot of nachos with cheese, pizzq, popcorn was eaten today and a lot of people will be hurting tomorrow

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: September 12, 2016 10:30AM

I think the sedatives have calmed my sister Matilda enough.

She's going to the ass doctor today,and as usual will be shackled to the table, as the doctor smokes and puts various objects into her rectum.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Splatter ()
Date: September 12, 2016 12:23PM

It's awful going into a clean stall and making a huge mess. I'm grateful no one knocked/needed to use the bathroom until after I cleaned it.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Anon Doc. ()
Date: September 12, 2016 12:50PM

Brown Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I think the sedatives have calmed my sister
> Matilda enough.
>
> She's going to the ass doctor today,and as usual
> will be shackled to the table, as the doctor
> smokes and puts various objects into her rectum.


Libel. Absolute libel.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: September 12, 2016 01:51PM

Well that was an experience. My sister Matilda is now sleeping, but it took four nurses to shackle her on the table, for the doctor to insert various devices in her starfish. I do understand some measures, but everyone wearing clothes pins on their noses was a bit much.

The new anonscope was beyond huge and had a MVC tag on it.

It sucks to see my sister getting her rectum checked for polyps, but I did read her a book about accomplishments of beaners, that was a one page edition in the office. Apparently the Mexican track team isn't good, because anyone who can run jump or swim has joined fellow locusts in doing what they do.

I hope she gets some rest, and also that my bowels won't be destroyed later today.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Bowel-ku ()
Date: September 12, 2016 03:18PM

Intestines spasm
Imminent colon distress
A torrent erupts

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: 5am guy ()
Date: September 13, 2016 04:53AM

Hello all, 5am guy checking in again here. 5am guy was thinking about this thread yesterday when 5am guy tried to talk to his therapist about bowels. 5am guy was trying to explain how 5am guy has a really hard time passing bowels and how 5am guy needs to have complete privacy and has to use a variety of relaxation techniques to get the job done. The therapist got really freaked out by 5am guys bowel talk and she thinks 5am guy is possessed by some bowel devil or something. 5am guy is done with this so-called doctor. 5am guy wasted a stack of 20 dollar bills on her co-pays.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: untimely demise... ()
Date: September 13, 2016 07:45AM

5am guy Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Hello all, 5am guy checking in again here. 5am guy
> was thinking about this thread yesterday when 5am
> guy tried to talk to his therapist about bowels.
> 5am guy was trying to explain how 5am guy has a
> really hard time passing bowels and how 5am guy
> needs to have complete privacy and has to use a
> variety of relaxation techniques to get the job
> done. The therapist got really freaked out by 5am
> guys bowel talk and she thinks 5am guy is
> possessed by some bowel devil or something. 5am
> guy is done with this so-called doctor. 5am guy
> wasted a stack of 20 dollar bills on her co-pays.


consider yourself lucky to have found a therapist in your insurance - 20 bucks is nothing. Did you also tell the therapist you post here at FFXU under multiple screen names? Get a read on that before you move on to non-therapy and most likely an untimely demise...

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: September 13, 2016 09:21AM

5 am guy,

It sounds like your therapist is a lunatic. Let them experience our plight for one day, just one day, and I guarantee you there would be sympathy and probably no co pay.

My guess is this so called professional has superior bowels, and is undermining your health for their benefit.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: September 13, 2016 10:41AM

A clowns life it must to be me
I thought pain would set me free
My groan throne just saw pain
As my ass began to rain.

A large dump the size of a car
It didn't go very far
Soon I have to call my wetback plumber
Who earns enough from me for a Hummer.

My starfish is one tangled hole
My bowels are old like Bob Dole
This vicious cycle is a bitch
One would think I'm a witch

The screaming sounds scare the people
Although I'd contend they are sheeple
My bowels hurt and my rectum is torn
No going out tooting my horn.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: flood gates ()
Date: September 13, 2016 11:28AM

I just took a giant shit
Damn thing hurt me quite a bit

My but is so sore now
Feels like i shit a cow

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Miscavage ()
Date: September 13, 2016 11:55AM

Great laughs Brown Onion. What's your stance on the butt cheeks of the presidential campaigns?

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Jimmy B ()
Date: September 13, 2016 12:45PM

1
Attachments:
image.jpeg

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Jimmy B ()
Date: September 13, 2016 12:45PM

2
Attachments:
image.jpeg

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Jimmy B ()
Date: September 13, 2016 12:46PM

3
Attachments:
image.jpeg

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: September 13, 2016 12:53PM

A picture is worth a thousand turds.
Attachments:
hard-stools.jpg

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: September 13, 2016 01:07PM

THIS JUST IN

Abnormal internal anal sphincter fibrosis and elasticity in fecal incontinence.

Speakman CT, Hoyle CH, Kamm MA, Swash M, Henry MM, Nicholls RJ, Burnstock G.



PURPOSE:
to investigate changes in the elasticity of the internal anal sphincter in patients with neurogenic fecal incontinence.


METHODS:
Collagen content was studied in ten patients with neurogenic fecal incontinence to determine differences between incontinence and health and to determine the effect of aging. Changes in elasticity were also measured by recording the in vitro length-tension relationship of the freshly excised internal anal sphincter


RESULTS:
Incontinent patients had a significantly higher collagen content than controls.
There was a greater increase in stable tension per increase in sphincter length in the strips from incontinent patients compared with controls.


CONCLUSIONS:
Changes in fibrous tissue content are likely to influence muscle tone and responsiveness of the sphincter in fecal incontinence.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: September 13, 2016 02:15PM

Miscavage Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Great laughs Brown Onion. What's your stance on
> the butt cheeks of the presidential campaigns?


First off fascinating shit BEH. More proof people with bowel problems aren't bullshitting. Now to see if these researchers work more, so people like us won't be treated like lepers.

Jimmy B you continue to make me laugh. Yes my bowels cause me a multitude of issues humor is important.

Miscavage I believe Hillary might have bowel problems. I don't believe the pneumonia ploy, rather I believe she ate some Central American food with her supporters/savages. Iguana and pineapple aren't a good combination.

Trumps bowels are probably safe. He has a golden groan throne, plus Mexicans who love him, give him a hand cleaning after each defecation.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: September 13, 2016 02:47PM

It's not to be crass
But don't smell my ass
As there's something you won't like
The aroma is like a rotten Northern Pike.

Fumigation is called in for order
It's like I ate food from south of the border
My starfish has been troubled, it's going to spurt
There might be blood, this really does hurt.

My bowels betray me, they cause me to scream
To drop off a healthy #4 #2 is a dream
There's none of that, rather large sized stool
My dog is suffering, this stench is cruel.

Hazmat might be called in, this is such a mess
My sister Matilda is wearing a newly browned dress
I'd like to see movie, or go out on the town
But my rectums not smiling, it's wearing a frown.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: GxWEw ()
Date: September 13, 2016 09:04PM

i tried the new microwavable spicy cheese dip you can buy in H.T. (would imagine elsewhere too) and I didn't not have a pleasant following morning. An already sore exit portal was turned into a 3 alarm fire back there. It burned for a good 20 minutes after the fact. Really needed a block of ice to sit on.

Decided to make my own version last night where used the Tostito cheese dip and added some already cooked turkey sausage crumbles and the half a small spoon of cayenne to give it a little kick. Came out pretty good taste wise and didn't burn me out a few minutes ago on exit. Also didn't rip up my outgoing portal and mess with the big roids back there too much. Think I am going to have to go to the doctor. Going to start taking Metamucil and see if that help my bung hole.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: 5am guy ()
Date: September 14, 2016 04:58AM

Hi all! 5am guy checking in again. 5am guy has the black lights set up in the mens room. 5am guy has it set up so the black lights can be stashed above the ceiling tiles during the day. 5am guy would love to have a blacklight party like these people,https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FZbGxFjmso4
Seeing as how 5am guy has no girlfriend and very few friends the black light party seems unlikely. 5am guy wishes everyone good bowels.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Deadly combo ()
Date: September 14, 2016 08:36AM

Morning BiBs! Hope all are doing well today, with minimal bowel distress. I'll have to try that HT spicy cheese dip (love spicy food) and report back on how it "exits".

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: September 14, 2016 01:36PM

Oh my poor fish .

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: September 14, 2016 05:26PM

I wonder if the Amish have IBS.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Hard wiper ()
Date: September 14, 2016 08:13PM

Fairfax County library has awful TP

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