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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: July 23, 2015 05:23PM

Supporter Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Well halla-fucking-looyah!!!!!!!!! One less jerk
> of a doctor.
>
> ** Wonder if he really has a swollen colon (I
> ryhmed!) and can no longer sit on his ass reading
> medical books trying to learn it.**


Hi supporter,

Welcome back and thank you for your continued support. It did rhyme. And anon dick is that, but there are a shit load of them. How are your bowels?

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: wonka shit ()
Date: July 23, 2015 06:22PM

Funny shit guys
Attachments:
image.jpg

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Wonka shit ()
Date: July 23, 2015 06:23PM

You guys need a trophy
Attachments:
image.jpg

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: July 23, 2015 07:09PM

Please break droppings? With what device? Mine would need a chainsaw.

I do like the statue

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Jhonny Bravo ()
Date: July 24, 2015 05:05AM

Every night in my dreams
I see poop, I feel poop,
That is how I know you go on

Far across the distance
And spaces between us
You have poop to show you go on

Near, far, wherever you are
I believe that the poop does go on
Once more you open the door
And you're here in my bowel
And my poop will go on and on

poop can touch us one time
And last for a lifetime
And never let go till we're gone

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: bge3wa22 ()
Date: July 24, 2015 05:07AM

wonder how eesh's bowels are

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: July 24, 2015 09:08AM

Mr Bravo fantastic,although please jog my memory and not my bowels.

I have no doubt that EESH has gold plate bowels, and he should be proud of them.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: miscavage ()
Date: July 24, 2015 10:02AM

What's castor oil?

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: July 24, 2015 10:37AM

Cave,

It's the nastiest truly of all nasty oils, you can drink to clear up your bowels a bit. It's no cure but it sometimes provides an assist for a awful car sized shit. A friendly nudge

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: July 24, 2015 03:02PM

You walk in the movie theater, that pretty lady in your arm, already sweating if you'll have to hide your brown streaked underwear. Yet you put that out of your mind as you drop a car note for tickets to the show.

Lights blink by the popcorn machine, the smell of that and the 1980's hotdogs on rollers wafting through the air. Sweat pours down your forehead, knowing you should but cannot resist.

You indulge in these savory and yet not bowel friendly foods, waiting upon the feeling in your gut that screams now.

You miss a lot of the movie in that last stall straining away on the cinemas groan throne. The security guard checks your well being, and other than a rude grimace allows you to continue, as he's happy he doesn't have a crime scene and report.

Leaving the bathroom fellow patrons ask you about "dead animals", and the odor follows you to the cinema.

Unfortunately you notice your girlfriend is with another man. There's no point in arguing, as your bowels have betrayed you again.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Deadly combo ()
Date: July 24, 2015 03:54PM

Brown Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> You walk in the movie theater, that pretty lady in
> your arm, already sweating if you'll have to hide
> your brown streaked underwear. Yet you put that
> out of your mind as you drop a car note for
> tickets to the show.
>
> Lights blink by the popcorn machine, the smell of
> that and the 1980's hotdogs on rollers wafting
> through the air. Sweat pours down your forehead,
> knowing you should but cannot resist.
>
> You indulge in these savory and yet not bowel
> friendly foods, waiting upon the feeling in your
> gut that screams now.
>
> You miss a lot of the movie in that last stall
> straining away on the cinemas groan throne. The
> security guard checks your well being, and other
> than a rude grimace allows you to continue, as
> he's happy he doesn't have a crime scene and
> report.
>
> Leaving the bathroom fellow patrons ask you about
> "dead animals", and the odor follows you to the
> cinema.
>
> Unfortunately you notice your girlfriend is with
> another man. There's no point in arguing, as your
> bowels have betrayed you again.

I do enjoy reading these musings of yours, BO. Perhaps publish a book of them for your brothers in bowel/brown.

Hope you have a bowel-friendly weekend!

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Anon Doc. ()
Date: July 24, 2015 04:32PM

Deadly combo Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Brown Onion Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > You walk in the movie theater, that pretty lady
> in
> > your arm, already sweating if you'll have to
> hide
> > your brown streaked underwear. Yet you put that
> > out of your mind as you drop a car note for
> > tickets to the show.
> >
> > Lights blink by the popcorn machine, the smell
> of
> > that and the 1980's hotdogs on rollers wafting
> > through the air. Sweat pours down your
> forehead,
> > knowing you should but cannot resist.
> >
> > You indulge in these savory and yet not bowel
> > friendly foods, waiting upon the feeling in
> your
> > gut that screams now.
> >
> > You miss a lot of the movie in that last stall
> > straining away on the cinemas groan throne. The
> > security guard checks your well being, and
> other
> > than a rude grimace allows you to continue, as
> > he's happy he doesn't have a crime scene and
> > report.
> >
> > Leaving the bathroom fellow patrons ask you
> about
> > "dead animals", and the odor follows you to the
> > cinema.
> >
> > Unfortunately you notice your girlfriend is
> with
> > another man. There's no point in arguing, as
> your
> > bowels have betrayed you again.
>
> I do enjoy reading these musings of yours, BO.
> Perhaps publish a book of them for your brothers
> in bowel/brown.
>
> Hope you have a bowel-friendly weekend!


Our once moral and God fearing nation, has turned into immature write ups.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Deadly combo ()
Date: July 24, 2015 04:46PM

Anon Doc. Wrote:

> Our once moral and God fearing nation, has turned
> into immature write ups.

Thought you retired? Even you can't keep away from this fascinating thread.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Fartman ()
Date: July 24, 2015 05:42PM

Very informative web page,

http://www.whatsupg.com/fart.htm

Everything you need to know about farts.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: poop pulverized puncher ()
Date: July 24, 2015 06:58PM

Brown Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> You walk in the movie theater, that pretty lady in
> your arm, already sweating if you'll have to hide
> your brown streaked underwear. Yet you put that
> out of your mind as you drop a car note for
> tickets to the show.
>
> Lights blink by the popcorn machine, the smell of
> that and the 1980's hotdogs on rollers wafting
> through the air. Sweat pours down your forehead,
> knowing you should but cannot resist.
>
> You indulge in these savory and yet not bowel
> friendly foods, waiting upon the feeling in your
> gut that screams now.
>
> You miss a lot of the movie in that last stall
> straining away on the cinemas groan throne. The
> security guard checks your well being, and other
> than a rude grimace allows you to continue, as
> he's happy he doesn't have a crime scene and
> report.
>
> Leaving the bathroom fellow patrons ask you about
> "dead animals", and the odor follows you to the
> cinema.
>
> Unfortunately you notice your girlfriend is with
> another man. There's no point in arguing, as your
> bowels have betrayed you again.

Oh My word, BO. That is a literary masterpiece deserving of a Pulitzer.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: July 24, 2015 07:02PM

Thank you Deadly, Poop Pulverizer, and Fartman. I read the page on farts and found that to be quite unique. That's another part of our digestive system, and the sounds and smells that emanate from our bowels is quite remarkable.

Anon Dick has nothing better to do. I'm guessing he misses sodomizing people and getting paid for it. GI's are truly a bunch of assholes who poke assholes.

I'm about to strain on the groan throne a bit, might give birth to a member of ISIS. That's right, this one is going to be a tad explosive to say the least.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: sIiced onion ()
Date: July 25, 2015 07:05AM

Hello friends. Just wanted to let you know I have surgery early next week at UVA hospital. Thank you all. Just wanted to say that this thread is what inspired me to finally get off my ass and get my colon checked. That colon check is what found the cancer in me sooner rather than later. If I survive it will be in large part because of you guys.

God bless you all.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: bowelswillkill ()
Date: July 25, 2015 07:18AM

Brown Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Mr Bravo fantastic,although please jog my memory
> and not my bowels.
>
> I have no doubt that EESH has gold plate bowels,
> and he should be proud of them.


here is a unique thought.. how well do you fair in prison if you have IBS. habing to use the groan throne in front of everyone ?

maybe eesh will write one of us and let us know to be informed

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Anon Doc. ()
Date: July 25, 2015 07:32AM

sIiced onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Hello friends. Just wanted to let you know I have
> surgery early next week at UVA hospital. Thank you
> all. Just wanted to say that this thread is what
> inspired me to finally get off my ass and get my
> colon checked. That colon check is what found the
> cancer in me sooner rather than later. If I
> survive it will be in large part because of you
> guys.
>
> God bless you all.


Best of wishes,and glad you saw a GI

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: July 25, 2015 01:41PM

sIiced onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Hello friends. Just wanted to let you know I have
> surgery early next week at UVA hospital. Thank you
> all. Just wanted to say that this thread is what
> inspired me to finally get off my ass and get my
> colon checked. That colon check is what found the
> cancer in me sooner rather than later. If I
> survive it will be in large part because of you
> guys.
>
> God bless you all.


I hope you thrive and survive Sliced. Its nice to hear from you, your brothers in bowel keep you in prayers.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: July 25, 2015 02:52PM

bowelswillkill Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Brown Onion Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > Mr Bravo fantastic,although please jog my
> memory
> > and not my bowels.
> >
> > I have no doubt that EESH has gold plate
> bowels,
> > and he should be proud of them.
>
>
> here is a unique thought.. how well do you fair in
> prison if you have IBS. habing to use the groan
> throne in front of everyone ?
>
> maybe eesh will write one of us and let us know to
> be informed

Eesh isn't going to jail, why say such terrible things about a valued community member?

As for jail, an inmate with IBS is going to be unpopular due to the amount of groan throne time, and the smells will at least keep his bowels safe from prison love.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: ycrs33 ()
Date: July 26, 2015 04:58AM

>
> Eesh isn't going to jail, why say such terrible
> things about a valued community member?
>
> As for jail, an inmate with IBS is going to be
> unpopular due to the amount of groan throne time,
> and the smells will at least keep his bowels safe
> from prison love.


eesh is going to prison.. that's a guarantee..

if it was so innocent why did it cut and dye its hair ? there is some information not on here that many don't know about

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: July 26, 2015 11:55AM

ycrs33 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> >
> > Eesh isn't going to jail, why say such terrible
> > things about a valued community member?
> >
> > As for jail, an inmate with IBS is going to be
> > unpopular due to the amount of groan throne
> time,
> > and the smells will at least keep his bowels
> safe
> > from prison love.
>
>
> eesh is going to prison.. that's a guarantee..
>
> if it was so innocent why did it cut and dye its
> hair ? there is some information not on here that
> many don't know about


I don't understand the animosity against eesh here, but if he goes to jail I wish his bowels well

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Wonka shit ()
Date: July 26, 2015 12:18PM

This
Attachments:
image.jpg

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Wonka shit ()
Date: July 26, 2015 12:18PM

Or
Attachments:
image.jpg

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: July 26, 2015 01:54PM

From the files of IBS:

About 30 years ago, my sister Matilda and I, attended the 3rd wedding of our Aunt Mabel. It was a lustrous affair, and we both dressed up in the full garb, awaiting a great day on the shores of a beach. The ocean waves crashing were a precursor to other waves, and a crashing effect of brown matter, that I am still embarrassed about to this day. It feels therapeutic to write about what happened to my bowels on this special occasion, and how they can make a fun event into the proverbial nightmare.

As we watched my aunt and her new husband exchange vows, I had to make a beeline for the one bathroom on the first floor. It would have been better to have made the second one, but the nerve endings of my colon screamed "now not later!"

I plopped my rear end on the groan throne, and just let my starfish unload the payload. It was much larger than expected, and also there was a minimal amount of toilet paper. To further cement my horror, people started knocking on the door, as I don't know what time I was on the shitter.

As I walked out, people stood at a distance, and to my abject horror this was only the beginning. I knew what was going to happen, as the toilet wouldn't flush the large crap that I dropped off. For the rest of the wedding ceremony, I was treated with disdain, utter contempt, and while Matilda did the best she could to plunge away at that groan throne, it took a plumber to complete the job. I had to shell out money in the back of the house to avoid further embarrassment, but everyone knew who dropped the giant turd in the toilet.

My aunt Mabel passed away the next year, and I refused to go the funeral, because I was afraid of dropping another large load and causing even more problems.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: dive bomber ()
Date: July 26, 2015 02:26PM

Damn Mr Onion. That is the kind of stuff that makes therapist's wealthy.
Attachments:
wtfwtfwtf.gif

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: July 26, 2015 02:31PM

Dive Bomber,

Yes that's just one tale of woe of many. Today is the anniversary date of that brown moment in the history of my bowels.

How are your bowels today?

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: dive bomber ()
Date: July 26, 2015 02:42PM

Brown Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Dive Bomber,
>
> Yes that's just one tale of woe of many. Today is
> the anniversary date of that brown moment in the
> history of my bowels.
>
> How are your bowels today?


Thanks for asking Mr. Onion. My bowels are good they have recovered from last weeks buffet dinner. Last week at this time they were like this,
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eot6doNwNOA

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Anon Doc. ()
Date: July 26, 2015 03:33PM

dive bomber Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Damn Mr Onion. That is the kind of stuff that
> makes therapist's wealthy.


User name dive bomber,

Please do not feed the immature behavior and obnoxious write ups.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: July 26, 2015 05:44PM

Anon dick, do you miss sodomizing people?

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: July 26, 2015 09:06PM

Bobbi Christina Brown's bowels can finally be at rest.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: July 27, 2015 06:55AM

Well I guess that food was not meant to be, as I literally just hoisted a small battleship into the air for a moment. Sitz bath and witch hazel.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: July 27, 2015 11:19AM

It appears the best part of Bobby and Whitney just passed through my bowels.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: rhyme time ()
Date: July 27, 2015 12:13PM

Twinkle twinkle wrinkled star

How I wonder how you are

Up there in my cheeks so tight

Im sorry about that dump last night

I apoligize to you for the way

I tore up the golden corale buffet

I thik I may I think I might

Go back again on Friday night.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: July 27, 2015 01:35PM

rhyme time Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Twinkle twinkle wrinkled star
>
> How I wonder how you are
>
> Up there in my cheeks so tight
>
> Im sorry about that dump last night
>
> I apoligize to you for the way
>
> I tore up the golden corale buffet
>
> I thik I may I think I might
>
> Go back again on Friday night.



Oh don't go back again, your starfish will regret it. Think WWBD?

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Supporter ()
Date: July 27, 2015 01:41PM

Anon Doc, don't be hard on yourself! You're not THAT immature and obnoxious ... well, yes, you are.

Who care you're retiring? Who cares what your opinions and non-solicited advice is.

Happy retirement, and may your bowel now release itself with all the anal-retentiveness you've held back.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: bc54cc ()
Date: July 27, 2015 02:57PM


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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: July 27, 2015 06:01PM

Supporter Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Anon Doc, don't be hard on yourself! You're not
> THAT immature and obnoxious ... well, yes, you
> are.
>
> Who care you're retiring? Who cares what your
> opinions and non-solicited advice is.
>
> Happy retirement, and may your bowel now release
> itself with all the anal-retentiveness you've held
> back.


Thank you supporter!!!

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: July 27, 2015 07:40PM

It's amazing how hard it can be. While I am appreciative of my neighbors good intentions, their calling the authorities was embarrassing.

None of the officers would shake my hand



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/27/2015 07:43PM by Brown Onion.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: black underwear ()
Date: July 27, 2015 09:09PM

Fuck you scat loving assholes!

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: rhyme time ()
Date: July 28, 2015 04:46AM

There once was a lady from Wheeling Who had a peculiar feeling She leant on her back Opened her crack and shit all over the ceiling.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: July 28, 2015 07:55AM

That rhyme sounds like Gordo who's missed here.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: rhyme time ()
Date: July 28, 2015 09:04AM

There once was a man from StPaul

Who could barely crap at all

He spent five hours a day

On the throne straining away

When he finally let loose

He shit like a moose

And had to use a sick day.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: black underwear ()
Date: July 28, 2015 09:05AM

Fuck you BEH!

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: July 28, 2015 09:29AM

That's a beautiful rhyme!

I'll try to come up with one later after dropping OJs bronco

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: July 28, 2015 04:21PM

You walk around that food court at the mall. The neon signs light up, advertising the best cheesesteaks, or perhaps there are some slant eyed folks giving out free Wong Dong Chicken to encourage you to dine on their fried cat.

That toothpick looks tempting. The lady smiles and says "You'll love this." Yet deep down below, down in your lower intestines and bowel area, there is a scream that says "Absolutely not!"

The lady you are with wants to try the chicken salad with God knows what ingredients, most of which are not bowel friendly. Yet you want to please that gal you are with, prior to seeing the God awful shoe stores or kiosks where she buys her stupid candles.(Side note: these can eliminate some odors as needed)

You dine on the food, looking at that sweet lady you are with, when you feel a drop in your stomach. Its time to pay the bill, and this one doesn't involve any money.

You run into a nasty mall stall, where you are rudely interrupted by senators with wide stances, people banging on the door, or others screaming about the stench. Its not your fault, but your bowels literally hoist a nasty smelling placenta like birth that stinks to high hell.

Once out, and washing your hands with men whom are coughing or throwing up from the smell, you think you are in the clear. Yet there's your lady looking at you with vicious eyes. She says something rude like "Could you have taken any longer," or "What animal did you kill?" Its embarrassing and that might just end your date.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Southern Boys ()
Date: July 28, 2015 05:29PM


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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: 5 am guy ()
Date: July 29, 2015 04:57AM

Brown Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> You walk around that food court at the mall. The
> neon signs light up, advertising the best
> cheesesteaks, or perhaps there are some slant eyed
> folks giving out free Wong Dong Chicken to
> encourage you to dine on their fried cat.
>
> That toothpick looks tempting. The lady smiles and
> says "You'll love this." Yet deep down below, down
> in your lower intestines and bowel area, there is
> a scream that says "Absolutely not!"
>
> The lady you are with wants to try the chicken
> salad with God knows what ingredients, most of
> which are not bowel friendly. Yet you want to
> please that gal you are with, prior to seeing the
> God awful shoe stores or kiosks where she buys her
> stupid candles.(Side note: these can eliminate
> some odors as needed)
>
> You dine on the food, looking at that sweet lady
> you are with, when you feel a drop in your
> stomach. Its time to pay the bill, and this one
> doesn't involve any money.
>
> You run into a nasty mall stall, where you are
> rudely interrupted by senators with wide stances,
> people banging on the door, or others screaming
> about the stench. Its not your fault, but your
> bowels literally hoist a nasty smelling placenta
> like birth that stinks to high hell.
>
> Once out, and washing your hands with men whom are
> coughing or throwing up from the smell, you think
> you are in the clear. Yet there's your lady
> looking at you with vicious eyes. She says
> something rude like "Could you have taken any
> longer," or "What animal did you kill?" Its
> embarrassing and that might just end your date.


"Wong dong chicken" lol!

Prease, you try wong dong cheeken
Very very good for your digestions!
You try
Attachments:
wong dong.jpg

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: July 29, 2015 07:08AM

Just looking at the picture makes my bowels scream

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: July 29, 2015 12:01PM

Some shits are remarkable.

Remember Richard Dreyfuss with the mountain in Close Encounters of the third Kind?

That sums it up.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Southern boys ()
Date: July 29, 2015 12:55PM

Get old, saggy tits, balls,butts it's normal

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: July 29, 2015 01:17PM

Southern boys Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Get old, saggy tits, balls,butts it's normal


Do you want a picture of my rectum?

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: With koi ()
Date: July 29, 2015 03:53PM

What's your opinion of colonoscopy in a box? There are ads on WTOP

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: July 29, 2015 08:26PM

I'll never forget the horrors of visiting a public library. Now having purchased a Nook that is sanitized regularly, I don't have to face this embarrassment. Tis a shame that I cannot visit what my taxes pay for, or I'll face the wrath of the wildebeest librarian who treated me like a negro in the 1700's.

In a way I am like the American negro from slavery, as I am shackled by the very bowels I was born with. I hope that black people will agree with me, because I'm literally not "born equal" under the Constitution, nor entitled to life, liberty, and happiness. In fact, the 3/5ths compromise could describe my lot in society.

Its a shame that on this occasion perusing the periodicals, I felt a sudden urge to defecate. I was reading the Economist, when my downstairs brain, let me know it was time to evacuate some contents. The bathroom seemed miles away, even though it was probably ten feet in reality. With clenched buttocks, I hemmed and hawed my way to it.

The bathroom was open, so I tore into it, ripped my pants down, and delivered a basketball shit that stunk to high hell. The fan didn't work, typical government building waiting on a work order, and the toilet flooded due to it not being able to handle what I had dropped off.

An older lady with stern eyes, glasses that hung off of a chain, and who hadn't been laid since 1940 gave me a lot of "drama" about what I caused. As if it was my fault. She didn't simply call a custodian, put an "out of order" sign on the door, but instead said "This library is for all patrons, not for those whom happen to clog up our bathroom." "Its also not meant to be a place, where the entire non fiction stinks of fecal matter."

I was mortified, crying almost, as I walked out with a sore rear end and a later application of witch hazel. Here I am just like the slaves, to my bowels that literally betrayed me once again to the shackles of brown hell.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: 5 am guy ()
Date: July 30, 2015 04:55AM

I had an experience many years ago while riding on a mass transit system. Got the shit cramps suddenly and got off at the next stop even though it was not my destination. I saw a sign that was to be my salvation, it said "restrooms". I stumbled in that direction with one arm against the wall. When I got to the restroom area I saw another sign and the rest is brown history. It cost me a pair of boxer briefs and both socks that had to be sacrificed for clean up.
Attachments:
BART.jpg

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: July 30, 2015 07:33AM

Mr 5 am guy, you are definitely a brother in bowel, and I admire your courage to share this tale from the brown files.

It's something that folks with pristine bowels take for granted, but bathrooms, lots of toilet paper, and witch hazel should always be available.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: unknownuser ()
Date: July 30, 2015 08:22AM


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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: aclassic3 ()
Date: July 30, 2015 08:32AM


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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Deadly combo ()
Date: July 30, 2015 09:28AM

Just an example that even those of us blessed with platinum bowels have issues from time to time, I had (as 5 am guy so eloquently put it) the "shit cramps" last evening. A #6#2 quickly ensued, although I did make it safely to the throne.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: July 30, 2015 11:58AM

Ok I read that and shake at the horror of sweaty heaps of brown matter everywhere. As my bowels work on this, I'm just nervous, and think midwives might be necessary.

Deadly, so sorry to hear of your #6 #2. How are your bowels now?

I will look for it, if not maybe BEH can find a good "honorary brother in bowel" or "bowel buddy " badge for you here. Be sure to wash your hands with soap and water when handling the badge. Thank you bowel buddy for the bowel trodden. It means a lot.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Deadly combo ()
Date: July 30, 2015 12:03PM

Bowels are thankfully back to normal today, BO. Thanks for your concern.

How are your bowels doing today?

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: July 30, 2015 12:34PM

Glad to hear your bowels are working well Deadly.
I checked my starfish for dilation after time on the groan throne.

The mirror shows little dilation unfortunately. My bowels feel like a perfect storm of shit is on the way, so midwives are on the way

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Deadly combo ()
Date: July 30, 2015 12:47PM

TGFM - Thank God For Midwives

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: July 30, 2015 01:43PM

Indeed Deadly!

Their small salaries for expertise, horrible screams and smells, they are angels.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: July 30, 2015 03:02PM

Well my brown eye took a pulverizing beating.

Dear starfish I am so sorry.

The midwives held my hands, kept the door open with fans, but finally I passed that Cincinnati officer through my orifice.

Thank you midwives for believing in me when it counted most.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Anon Doc. ()
Date: July 30, 2015 08:36PM

Brown Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Well my brown eye took a pulverizing beating.
>
> Dear starfish I am so sorry.
>
> The midwives held my hands, kept the door open
> with fans, but finally I passed that Cincinnati
> officer through my orifice.
>
> Thank you midwives for believing in me when it
> counted most.

User name Brown Onion,

You and other imbeciles here, should cease such write ups. Midwives are untrained, uneducated "medical" personnel for child birth.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: victim 671 ()
Date: July 31, 2015 02:04AM

Anon Doc. Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Brown Onion Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > Well my brown eye took a pulverizing beating.
> >
> > Dear starfish I am so sorry.
> >
> > The midwives held my hands, kept the door open
> > with fans, but finally I passed that Cincinnati
> > officer through my orifice.
> >
> > Thank you midwives for believing in me when it
> > counted most.
>
> User name Brown Onion,
>
> You and other imbeciles here, should cease such
> write ups. Midwives are untrained, uneducated
> "medical" personnel for child birth.


Anon Doc at work.
Attachments:
anon dick.jpg

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Jhonny Bravo ()
Date: July 31, 2015 04:45AM

i think i'll go for a walk outside now
the summer sun's callin my name
(i hear ya now)
i just can't stay on the throne all day
i gotta get out get me some of those rays
everybody's smilin
code green bowel day
everybody's laughin
code green bowel day
I had a #4 #2 just now so,
it's a code green bowel day

I think I'll go for a walk out side now
the summer sun knows me by name
(he's callin me)
I gotta get out, gotta get out, gotta get away
I gotta get away, get away, get away, get away...
Into the code green bowel day....

can't you dig the sunshine
Now its all but the same
can't you hear him callin your name?

Oh, I think I'll take a walk everyday now
Brown Onion has shown the way to be happy now
I just can't stay inside all day
I gotta get out get me some of those rays...
everybody's smilin
code green bowel day
everybody's laughin
code green bowel day
everybody seems so happy today
it's a code green bowel day

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: July 31, 2015 06:52AM

I guess anon dicks bowels have flared up.

Victims picture is a perfect representation of what our asses feel after going to the anal doc.

Way to go Mr Bravo here's to you and your bowels having a code green day indeed!

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: July 31, 2015 06:13PM

Invest in witch hazel. Trust me.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: dive bomber ()
Date: August 01, 2015 07:50AM

Good morning Mr Onion.
I wanted to tell you about a dream I had last night. I was at a country fair having a great time and eating funnel cakes as well as cotton candy, washing it all down with a couple yoo hoo's when the thermo nuclear cramps hit me hard. I was running, running, running everywhere. I could not find a restroom or a porta potti or even a patch of woods to run into. This was a horrific nightmare! I awoke in a cold sweat with my heart pounding and realized that I did really in real life have to take a dump. What a great feeling it was to simply walk down the hall to my clean and private throne.
Have you ever experienced anything like this?


Thank you for your service to the brown trodden community.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: August 01, 2015 04:49PM

Dive bomber I'll try to get to you soon, having plumbing problems

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Turd Cutter ()
Date: August 01, 2015 06:08PM

The sphincter is also known as a "turd cutter" for this reason. I often break up large turds by pinching off every couple of inches as the log comes out. Sometimes I flush after a few large bites have been expelled so as to avoid clogging the toilet. Does anyone else do this?


wonka shit Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Funny shit guys


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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: August 02, 2015 08:44AM

Waking up in a hotel this morning

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: dive bomber ()
Date: August 02, 2015 08:48AM

Brown Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Waking up in a hotel this morning


I hope you are not at the wolftrap or the Breezeway.

I just love those little bars of great smelling soap that hotels give you.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: August 02, 2015 10:58AM

dive bomber Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Brown Onion Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > Waking up in a hotel this morning
>
>
> I hope you are not at the wolftrap or the
> Breezeway.
>
> I just love those little bars of great smelling
> soap that hotels give you.

Oh heavens no! The Breezeway, Wolftrap, or any of those are like my bowels=subpar.

Marriott is happy my house is getting a new groan throne and being fumigated today.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: dive bomber ()
Date: August 02, 2015 11:05AM

Brown Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> dive bomber Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > Brown Onion Wrote:
> >
> --------------------------------------------------
>
> > -----
> > > Waking up in a hotel this morning
> >
> >
> > I hope you are not at the wolftrap or the
> > Breezeway.
> >
> > I just love those little bars of great smelling
> > soap that hotels give you.
>
> Oh heavens no! The Breezeway, Wolftrap, or any of
> those are like my bowels=subpar.
>
> Marriott is happy my house is getting a new groan
> throne and being fumigated today.


You only have one throne? I have always thought that three was a minimum unless you live alone.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Anon doc. ()
Date: August 02, 2015 11:25AM

dive bomber Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Brown Onion Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > dive bomber Wrote:
> >
> --------------------------------------------------
>
> > -----
> > > Brown Onion Wrote:
> > >
> >
> --------------------------------------------------
>
> >
> > > -----
> > > > Waking up in a hotel this morning
> > >
> > >
> > > I hope you are not at the wolftrap or the
> > > Breezeway.
> > >
> > > I just love those little bars of great
> smelling
> > > soap that hotels give you.
> >
> > Oh heavens no! The Breezeway, Wolftrap, or any
> of
> > those are like my bowels=subpar.
> >
> > Marriott is happy my house is getting a new
> groan
> > throne and being fumigated today.
>
>
> You only have one throne? I have always thought
> that three was a minimum unless you live alone.

User name dive bomber,

Please don't feed the animals.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: dive bomber ()
Date: August 02, 2015 11:55AM

Hey Anon Doc
Did you have this type of training in medical school?
Attachments:
butt-doctor.jpg

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: cindy from perth ()
Date: August 02, 2015 01:39PM

This is quite the odd forumique!

I would like to share my tale of woe.

I once had quite a raging case of food poisoning, and in the middle of about the third night, I had to run to the loo and face the lava spewing out of me. I then realized I’d gotten my period. I got so upset at how evil this combination was that I started vomiting on the floor. I essentially tripled.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: August 02, 2015 02:37PM

Thank you Dive Bomber, that's anon dicks porn.

Cindy,

It's nice to have an Aussie here, bowels from the land down under.

I'm sorry to hear of your trifecta. How are your bowels now, and do kangaroos have IBS?

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: dive bomber ()
Date: August 02, 2015 07:23PM

How are your bowels brown onion?
Sometimes a new and different throne can cause problems.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: August 03, 2015 06:36AM

Good morning bowel buddy Dive,

It's kind of you, as yes different groan thrones can be problematic.

Considering the amount of time spent there, and considering its 2015, we should have heaters, leather seats, etc.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: August 03, 2015 10:23AM

You drop logs, I do sequoia trees.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: August 03, 2015 12:57PM

Matilda and I had lunch. It's painful to see your fat sister strain at the table, after discussing our bowels, but the ensuing screams were right out of a horror movie.

I had to bring her midwives, witch hazel in gallon containers, and three rolls of toilet paper.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: black underwear ()
Date: August 03, 2015 02:04PM

BEH eesh or Northman fucking assholes!

How much $ will it take you to stop the fecal fetish shit?

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Anon Doc. ()
Date: August 03, 2015 02:10PM

black underwear Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> BEH eesh or Northman fucking assholes!
>
> How much $ will it take you to stop the fecal
> fetish shit?


User name black underwear

There's not much other than Domionion or Woodburn, which will help these sick animals.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: August 03, 2015 03:56PM

For once I agree with anon dick, which might be a sign of the apocalypse.

It seems those with superior bowels, constantly like to poke and prod at the bowel trodden. It's tiring and I know what you truly are, pieces of shit that stay in the bowl as brown streaks

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: dive bomber ()
Date: August 03, 2015 06:59PM

Good day Brown Onion,
My wife and I are planning a long weekend in September at Virginia beach. I am trying to decide if the Captain Georges buffet is worth the pleasure for all the pain. Maybe we should get small portions of quality seafood instead of eating like pigs.
How are your bowels BTW?

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: August 03, 2015 07:45PM

Hi Dive,

That crab meat might look good, or those sushi rolls might tempt you, but be careful. Your bowels are exemplary, but here's some info on seafood.

Crabs are found on dead bodies found in the ocean. Raw food can be difficult for even grade A bowels to process.


Be careful as seafood can be a gamble. More likely you'll have a giant crap, and while I don't think you'll hoist a destroyer, you might drop a rowboat.

Good luck, and wish me the same, as a perfect storm is brewing and I don't think the guys on the boat will make it.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: August 04, 2015 06:52AM

Is it a bad sign when lots of dead cockroaches are next to your groan throne?

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Hard Wiper ()
Date: August 04, 2015 08:10AM

Greetings Brown, I'm a recently new reader and often peruse your prose while I'm on the pot. My problem isn't so much my bowels, but the "end game." My taint is like a walnut, and my hemroids are like a bushel of acorns. Sometimes I'm stuck wiping for at least 20 minutes while my roids fester and ooze. What can I do?

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: guy667 ()
Date: August 04, 2015 08:16AM

we all have serious hemorrhoids.. when mine inflame it looks like someone was murdered in the toilet. no amount of preperation h and witch hazel can tame them

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: August 04, 2015 08:19AM

The pizza parlor has those tables with those red table cloths. The fake flowers and candles are a nice touch for the ambiance. The wetbacks dressed like wops put the "I" in Italian, and the aromas from their cooking beckons you to indulge.

You hear the Frank Sinatra music, or others from the rat pack. It's so perfect, but those cannoli's are going to pummel your bowels. It tastes great, but as you drop what appears to be Jimmy Hoffa, the midwives will go from supporting you to slightly passive aggressive.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: August 04, 2015 08:23AM

Hard Wiper Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Greetings Brown, I'm a recently new reader and
> often peruse your prose while I'm on the pot. My
> problem isn't so much my bowels, but the "end
> game." My taint is like a walnut, and my hemroids
> are like a bushel of acorns. Sometimes I'm stuck
> wiping for at least 20 minutes while my roids
> fester and ooze. What can I do?


Good morning wiper,

I hope your bowels continue to process well, but that's not a happy ending, like you'd get in many countries of Asia.

Roids are a persistent pain in the ass. Witch hazel, Tucks pads sadly are often the only method to bring some relief. Yet the strain and pain is debilitating.

Anyone have any ideas, because it would be nice to see our brothers in bowel step up and provide assistance

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: August 04, 2015 08:25AM

guy667 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> we all have serious hemorrhoids.. when mine
> inflame it looks like someone was murdered in the
> toilet. no amount of preperation h and witch hazel
> can tame them


Thank you guy.

I hope someone here has a home remedy. The only thing I can think of is Ghoulies biting that mans rear end in the movie as a solution.

Did CSI teams show up?

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: guy667 ()
Date: August 04, 2015 08:31AM

typical result for me
Attachments:
indexzz.jpg

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Vinny ()
Date: August 04, 2015 08:36AM

At my pizza place we have a bowel friendly pizza available. Thin crust with mild garlic sauce topped with goat cheese, black olives, red pepper and sweet onion. It is wonderful for digestion.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: August 04, 2015 08:55AM

guy667 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> typical result for me


Guy that's truly awful. Well no black light needed from the CSI team

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