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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: April 17, 2015 01:02PM

Deadly I'm glad to hear your bowels survived the deluge. You as well, may the wind be at your bowels back.

Sliced, my goodness hold firm. If not I can send you some midwives.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: sliced onion ()
Date: April 17, 2015 01:19PM

Brown Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Deadly I'm glad to hear your bowels survived the
> deluge. You as well, may the wind be at your
> bowels back.
>
> Sliced, my goodness hold firm. If not I can send
> you some midwives.


Im not making good time on the interstate, sat through a long backup after a crash. Im going back on the road now and sure hope my gut does not start to churn. I have 6 layers of bounty paper towels in my drawers in case of emergency.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Anon Doc ()
Date: April 17, 2015 04:20PM

User name Sliced Onion, have you made an appointment yet?

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: April 17, 2015 05:12PM

Oh well, this Lizness stuff isn't working out so well.

Unless you consider bloated intestines, the absoloutly most foul flatus and explosive fecal incontinence a cure.

In any event, it is certainly not optimum for the debut of the springtime fashionable white slacks.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: sliced onion ()
Date: April 17, 2015 06:01PM

Anon Doc Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> User name Sliced Onion, have you made an
> appointment yet?


No doc, I am scared. My doctor has been giving me shit about the colonoscopy. He sends me emails every month. I am only in my 40s but my dad had colon cancer so my doctor says I need to go get one right now. I guess I better do it but my experiences with doctors with regards to my butt have been very negative.

Thanks to my bowels I could not make it home from my business trip today. I am weary from travel and eating highway food. I am at a random quality inn that should be called the LOW Quality inn. Thank God I will be home tomorrow. Dinner tonight is a turkey sub I bought at a gas station. I am in a "non smoking room" it smells like the Marlboro man and Joe Camel smoked 75 packs of cigarettes each in here last night.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: April 17, 2015 07:04PM

I'm going to withhold my anger as much as possible.

BEH I'm sorry. I didn't want to say something negative, but I had a feeling that drug would not help your bowels. We are the bottom feeders with bad bottoms, and the pharmaceutical companies and doctors, heck even the wetback janitor at my doctors office, look and us and treat us with contempt.

Sliced, to hell with anon dick and his fellow bowel butchers. They simply are looking for a way to fill up their wallets, sodomize us, and treat us as if we were human refuse.

I'm sorry to be so angry, but I'm sorry you guys have to go through this shit, and will try to give birth once again. I feel like a female dog at a puppy mill.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: April 18, 2015 07:09AM

My poor starfish. More later but the stalagmites led to bleeding.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: sliced onion ()
Date: April 18, 2015 08:30AM

BO, I wanted to be on the road over an hour ago but I am still at the crappy motel sitting here on the throne holding my kindle. I have got to drop this bomb before I move on. Check-out is 11am so I got to grunt this one out soon. Heres hoping your bowels are doing better than mine.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: April 18, 2015 09:29AM

Good luck with the launch process Sliced. Here's to your bowels delivering maximum thrust.

My bowels are on the disabled list. Bloody craps from size and shapes can be problematic.

For instance, this one was shaped a lot like the Clinton residence in NY. I feel as if Hillary smashed my intestines with the pan she threw at Bill.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Anon Doc ()
Date: April 18, 2015 11:24AM

User name Sliced Onion,

I'd caution you to ignore these bottom feeding animals, and make an appointment with a board certified GI.

Nothing productive results from these write ups.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: sliced onion ()
Date: April 18, 2015 01:11PM

Anon Doc Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> User name Sliced Onion,
>
> I'd caution you to ignore these bottom feeding
> animals, and make an appointment with a board
> certified GI.
>
> Nothing productive results from these write ups.


With all due respect doc the "write ups" here have helped me quite a bit.
While most of us here may be exaggerating a bit for comedic value our bowel issues are real and serious. I wish I could lead a normal lifestyle with maybe a wife and kids perhaps a dog and a little house with a white pickett fence but that is not in the cards for me because of my bowel issues but there are millions of people in this world that have it a hell of a lot worse than I do. I am lucky that I have my own townhouse and a job that I love with decent pay and benefits. Being able to discuss my embarrassing problems and joke with others who face similar issues is very therapeutic for me and I suspect for others here as well.
Although it seems we don't agree on certain things I do thank you for taking time to post your opinions.


BO, I am home now. Thanks for your support during my week long trip. I have a stack of credit card receipts in my pocket like you wouldn't believe. I have a hell of an expense report to fill out now. They are probably going to reject the charmin ultra soft and the witch hazel and question how many different hotels I used in the search of a industrial duty throne.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Anon Doc ()
Date: April 18, 2015 02:09PM

User name Sliced Onion, a little comedy is okay, but remember the expression "you are judged by the company you keep?"

I would recommend firmly, an appointment with a GI. You will have relief.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: sunflower 72 ()
Date: April 18, 2015 02:21PM

I can't believe this is a gastroenterologist. As a nurse who worked with two doctors, what's your problem?

They were caring, nice men. You are a loser.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: April 18, 2015 02:54PM

Sunflower, I thank you for your display of compassion and understanding.

I have been afflicted with chronic acute severe constipation for 2 decades now.

Its more than just discomfort, its physical agony against of backdrop of ridicule and indifference. No one, not even our health providers, shows any empathy for our suffering.

A good example is Anon Doc. His robotic reaction to the pouring out of our souls is " make an appointment with a GI". Him and his kind lack the understand to comprehend that we have all been to the doctor, time and time again. We've been roughly violated by every appendage shaped instrument of all sizes and shapes imaginable to the sadistic mind.All without a comforting word, or even acknowledgement of out tourture.


After 20 years of such treatment, I find I am faced with two choices. The pain of trying to pass gargantuan sized stools through a woefully undersized orifice, or unpredictable, uncontrolable, volcanic eruptions of hot molten liquid feces, spilling, spraying and spewing fetid geysers, that wreck relationships, destroy opportunity, and create unfathomable humiliation.


In light of all this, and with Anon Docs mechanical responses to prove my point, why would I suggest to anyone to visit any Ano-Recto practitioner?


Thank God for this thread, the support of my brown breathren, Slicederoni, Brownie, Godorskyroo and even Black Underwear, who is often hostile , but is as long suffering as the rest of us.

And thank God for you, Sunflower, you provided my heart with some gladness today.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: sliced onion ()
Date: April 18, 2015 03:38PM

I talked to my boss just now and told him about my crazy business trip. Of course I made no mention of my bowel complications. He told me to take the day off on Monday to recover. So that does it, I am getting in the van and going to Burger king to get me a whopper no , a Double whopper WITH cheese! I know this is a bowel buster but I dont care. I have not had a decent meal in a week and a half.

Maybe I better go grocery shopping before I get the double whopper. I may be stuck in the house for a few days after that whopper goes down. I am down to 8 rolls of charmin so I need to get to the store anyway.


Here's wishing all my bowel brothers an enjoyable weekend!

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: April 18, 2015 04:15PM

I've spent all day on the groan throne, and as usual anon dick shows his true colors. They aren't brown.

To everyone I wish you well, but this is a bad bowel day.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: April 18, 2015 07:17PM

I feel slightly better, both my bowels and temper have cooled.

BEH eloquently described our plight. We are a large percentage of America. In fact, look at Sliced. He goes to the job daily, with his bowels trying to hold him back, but he says hell no. He won't be defined by his bowels, instead he represents the American spirit of our forefathers.

Someone sitting next to you on the metro, or in the aisle seat of your red eye flight, has bowel problems. Instead of giving up, there are tools of the trade in their bags. These include items such as witch hazel, castor oil, wet wipes, and aspirin/ice packs. It doesn't matter if you are male or female, young or old, or what your skin color is. Bad bowels don't discriminate.

We are treated like shit by doctors, nurses, janitors, and plumbers. Poor Gordo has been subjected to a lot of abuse. Yet we don't give in, give up, or let our bowels become stronger than we are.

Rock the brown. Never give up, and never be far away from a toilet, I stick my hand up to those embarked in this fight.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Sunflower 72 ()
Date: April 18, 2015 08:22PM

I personally love you guys. Although I've switched to a different field, the GI side was unique, because of the patients with a lot of kindness, and doctors whom I worked for were wonderful.

IBS and other medical conditions are no laughing matter, but if humor helps why not? I wish better medicines existed, and although it's been a few years, the GI's I worked for cared a lot about patients. They actually had a heart, a sense of humor, and a way to make patients at ease. Neurologists are another matter.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: sliced onion ()
Date: April 18, 2015 08:49PM

Brown Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I feel slightly better, both my bowels and temper
> have cooled.
>
> BEH eloquently described our plight. We are a
> large percentage of America. In fact, look at
> Sliced. He goes to the job daily, with his bowels
> trying to hold him back, but he says hell no. He
> won't be defined by his bowels, instead he
> represents the American spirit of our
> forefathers.
>
> Someone sitting next to you on the metro, or in
> the aisle seat of your red eye flight, has bowel
> problems. Instead of giving up, there are tools of
> the trade in their bags. These include items such
> as witch hazel, castor oil, wet wipes, and
> aspirin/ice packs. It doesn't matter if you are
> male or female, young or old, or what your skin
> color is. Bad bowels don't discriminate.
>
> We are treated like shit by doctors, nurses,
> janitors, and plumbers. Poor Gordo has been
> subjected to a lot of abuse. Yet we don't give in,
> give up, or let our bowels become stronger than we
> are.
>
> Rock the brown. Never give up, and never be far
> away from a toilet, I stick my hand up to those
> embarked in this fight.


That ^^^ is a great post BO. You make me feel so much better about myself. I gave in to the whopper today so I have lost a battle. So far the whopper has been digesting nicely. I think there is a chance I can get through this without a big deal. You are a great American BO.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: April 19, 2015 03:52AM

Sunflower, thank goodness someone gets it. Could you recommend a good doctor, to at least stop the sodomy, that is supposedly illegal in Virginia? Thank you for understanding that the brown are people too, and you are a bowel buddy.


Thank you Sliced, and I appreciate your brotherhood, along with how you've shown resolve in the face of adversity.

Best of luck with that whopper, and may the brown rock the town.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: sliced onion ()
Date: April 19, 2015 06:15AM

I woke up at 5am with a brown river a flowing. I will take that anytime over a freight train stuck in the tunnel. Time for some watered down gatoraid and dry toast. Looks like I am going to miss church services today. Just going to lay in my recliner and stream some movies today. I think the first movie will be the big lebowski, have not seen it in a few years and it cracks me up.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: April 19, 2015 08:26AM

God understands Sliced.

I am sorry to hear you have the opposite exit of fecal matter, and hydrate indeed. Rice helps a bit, but dry toast. That's key.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: April 19, 2015 11:19AM

I didn't give birth to the Cosby kids, but to Bill himself. Ouch.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Nutritionist ()
Date: April 19, 2015 11:28AM

Have any of you tried my suggestions? ie. Smaller portions, slower meals, and kale/fluids/exercise? I was wondering if anyone had positive results. Thank you!

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Whad choppa ()
Date: April 19, 2015 12:57PM

What about Medamucil or stool softeners?

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: April 19, 2015 02:39PM

Here we go again.

If the doctors and their wetback janitors don't talk smack about us, sneer, here come the "experts" with fiber, diet, and so on.

Do you guys watch Dr. Oz?

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: sliced onion ()
Date: April 19, 2015 02:57PM

Brown Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Here we go again.
>
> If the doctors and their wetback janitors don't
> talk smack about us, sneer, here come the
> "experts" with fiber, diet, and so on.
>
> Do you guys watch Dr. Oz?


Yeah, its all so easy for people with normal bowels. When I was a kid my mom let half a dozen doctors try every trick in the book on my bowels. When all that failed and made things worse they started from scratch with the same "treatment". That is when I started hiding my issues as much as possible.

On a upbeat note my Pastor from church called me today to check on me since I missed services today. He said he would pray for me and wants me to call him if I need anything. He offered to bring by some baked goods from the bake sale they had today. I had to laugh at that one as the last thing I need right now is a big chocolate cream pie or something like that.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: April 19, 2015 08:07PM

Your pastor is wonderful, despite his obvious well intended bowel gaffe Sliced. You are lucky to have a spiritual leader, a man of the cloth, who blesses you and your bowels.

Faith is important in our battle, because doctors are still in the Old Testament. Saint Bonaventure is our bowel saint, and your pastor deserves an extra brown stamp as a bowel buddy.

How are your bowels Sliced?

I spent a lot of today with my pants around my ankles, heaving, sweating, screaming, panting like a wild animal as my toe nails ripped the tiles apart. Those cement bags, midwives, the crash cart, and images of pain have left me shook up a bit.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: April 20, 2015 06:02AM

I woke up this morning, surprisingly refreshed after last nights near Exorcist like battle.

My sister Matilda is in town, thank goodness her rug rats are home. She hasn't woken up yet, but from the smell in her guest bathroom, my guess is we will have a lot to discuss at breakfast.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: April 20, 2015 08:18AM

That was a fruitful breakfast. My sister is recovering this morning from her bowels being battered.

This is what family is for, as I gave her some of my witch hazel.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: April 20, 2015 09:39AM

I am praying for BEH.

He hasn't posted since the describing the pain of another prescription not working. If you are suffering, your brothers in bowel are with you.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: sliced onion ()
Date: April 20, 2015 10:28AM

Brown Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I am praying for BEH.
>
> He hasn't posted since the describing the pain of
> another prescription not working. If you are
> suffering, your brothers in bowel are with you.

I will say a prayer for BEH as well.

Glad to hear you are feeling good BO. I am enjoying my day off and I think the double whopper was released from my system this morning. I am going to smoke some brook trout in my weber kettle in a couple hours. This is a nice day to be out on my deck and enjoy some trout with wild rice along with ice cold rolling rock. Life is good today!

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: April 20, 2015 11:57AM

Guys thank you for your concern.

Its only fair to finish my prescription. Just like any other drug, sometimes it takes a bit to become one with the body.

In the meantime, I haven't been able to leave the house. The gas is awful , the fecal incontinence overpowering. I'm dazed from the pure fury of these massive, unpredicatble purges.

I move feebly about, rectal tissue inflamed so badly walking is painful. I
wear only underpants and a bathrobe so I can go from the bowl to the tub of epsom salts and back to the bowl again.

I have about another three days of medication. Hope is waning at the same rate as the fresh air, but I would not want to leave one stone unturned in my search for bowel relief.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/20/2015 11:57AM by BEH.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Deadly combo ()
Date: April 20, 2015 03:08PM

So BEH it sounds like (so far at least) the drug has taken you from one extreme to the other. Kudos to you I suppose for seeing the prescription through to the end, and hopefully it may provide some relief when all is said and done.

"...the pure fury..." I can only imagine.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: sliced onion ()
Date: April 20, 2015 05:26PM

BEH Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Guys thank you for your concern.
>
> Its only fair to finish my prescription. Just like
> any other drug, sometimes it takes a bit to become
> one with the body.
>
> In the meantime, I haven't been able to leave the
> house. The gas is awful , the fecal incontinence
> overpowering. I'm dazed from the pure fury of
> these massive, unpredicatble purges.
>
> I move feebly about, rectal tissue inflamed so
> badly walking is painful. I
> wear only underpants and a bathrobe so I can go
> from the bowl to the tub of epsom salts and back
> to the bowl again.
>
> I have about another three days of medication.
> Hope is waning at the same rate as the fresh air,
> but I would not want to leave one stone unturned
> in my search for bowel relief.


I have been there BEH. It is not pleasant. The only medication that has ever helped me is immodium a-d. It has saved me from losing my job. Problem is that if I use it too much it takes me to the other extreme. It is kind of like bowling, sometimes you hit the gutter on the left and other times you hit the one on the right. Every so often you keep it in the middle. Today I threw a strike but it could well be a gutter ball in the morning. Hang in there my friend.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: black underwear ()
Date: April 20, 2015 05:56PM

Fuck you!

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: April 20, 2015 08:17PM

I'm relieved BEH's bowels are at least ok through this deluge.

Now to help Matilda wipe and apply more witch hazel. No man should have to see his sisters fluorescent wrinkled white ass.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: April 21, 2015 08:43AM

After dealing with my sisters bowels, I sit on the groan throne, with my tablet, a wing, and a prayer.

The cement bags are forming

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: miscavage ()
Date: April 21, 2015 10:41AM

Brown Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I'm relieved BEH's bowels are at least ok through
> this deluge.
>
> Now to help Matilda wipe and apply more witch
> hazel. No man should have to see his sisters
> fluorescent wrinkled white ass.


Man to man I'm sorry. No one should have to do that.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Nutritionist ()
Date: April 21, 2015 11:24AM

I'd be interested in hearing if the portion control, eating speed, and exercise suggestions I posted were of any help. Wishing you all the best.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: sliced onion ()
Date: April 21, 2015 11:44AM

Nutritionist Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I'd be interested in hearing if the portion
> control, eating speed, and exercise suggestions I
> posted were of any help. Wishing you all the best.

Thanks Nutri,
I do all those things and without my routine my bowels take a turn for the worse. I climb 40 flights of stairs each workday and at home I do the treadmill and lift weights. It does help. Last week I was on a business trip and broke my routine and things did not go well. I eat very small meals spread out throughout the day. I will admit that I crave greasy food but only give in to it a couple times a month. My co-workers are going to olive garden right now and I sure wish I could go with them instead of eating fruit cup and half a turkey sandwich.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: April 21, 2015 01:44PM

That's a good workout Sliced, one that I do on my trek from the recliner to groan throne.

If someone witnessed that crap, it would remind them of the dinosaur shit in Jurassic Park. While no pretty lady with nice legs checked on me, my house is going to be fumigated.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: April 21, 2015 04:51PM

The hazmat team did a good job, although at $850 for two hours, they better.

My house doesn't smell like the elephant house at the zoo, and as we know, Febreze does not remove the fetid fecal smells of the apocalypse.

My guess is that dump has reached the water treatment facility. I'm sure questions about what species that came from are making the rounds.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: April 22, 2015 06:33AM

Today might as well be National Groan Throne Day.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Anon Doc ()
Date: April 22, 2015 09:46AM

Brown Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> The hazmat team did a good job, although at $850
> for two hours, they better.
>
> My house doesn't smell like the elephant house at
> the zoo, and as we know, Febreze does not remove
> the fetid fecal smells of the apocalypse.
>
> My guess is that dump has reached the water
> treatment facility. I'm sure questions about what
> species that came from are making the rounds.


And you wonder why no one takes your medical condition seriously.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: sunflower 72 ()
Date: April 22, 2015 10:34AM

You might be a GI, yada yada yay all your fancy degrees yada yada yada. Yet you are a jerk and a bully.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: plumber 2 ()
Date: April 22, 2015 11:59AM

I have a customer in Centreville who clogs one of his toilets at least once a month. He pays me roughly 2500 a year. I will tell him about this thread next time I go there. I think he will fit right in with yall.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: April 22, 2015 02:40PM

plumber 2 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I have a customer in Centreville who clogs one of
> his toilets at least once a month. He pays me
> roughly 2500 a year. I will tell him about this
> thread next time I go there. I think he will fit
> right in with yall.


First off, Sunflower thank you for being a bowel buddy. In a sea of brown, you calm the waters a bit. From the bottom of my bowels, thanks.

As for the plumbing rate, that seems a bit high, but what's this persons demeanor like? I'd be willing to pay more, if the plumber didn't make non stop comments about rotten cabagge smelling bathrooms.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Miscavage ()
Date: April 22, 2015 03:13PM

Are you serious, that kind of $. Are you hiring?

Also interested in learning more about giant shits. Can you share some stories?

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: April 23, 2015 08:01AM

Ugh. I had a false alarm last night.

All was secure, no need to go to defcon 1.

Unfortunately my rear end will pay for what's coming .

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: sliced onion ()
Date: April 23, 2015 08:35AM

BO, could not drop my payload this morning yet I feel like I got a bun in the oven. Brought my minivan to work today in case I get the itch. To make things worse we have a 2 hour meeting at 10am. Sure hope the payload does not start knocking at the door during the meeting.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: April 23, 2015 09:49AM

Sliced,

That's a dreadful time. Especially at a meeting.

If you don't want to answer this I understand, although it's a probing type of question.

Do you worry about reemerging in a conew received room, and there's that lingering odor you think or know could be there?

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: sliced onion ()
Date: April 23, 2015 10:44AM

Brown Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Sliced,
>
> That's a dreadful time. Especially at a meeting.
>
> If you don't want to answer this I understand,
> although it's a probing type of question.
>
> Do you worry about reemerging in a conew received
> room, and there's that lingering odor you think or
> know could be there?


BO, I am in the meeting now. I got a seat in the back so no one can see my screen. They said we will have a 15 min break at 11. I have already let loose 2 SBD's. This meeting is a huge waste of time and I am starting to feel the rummble from down unda. It may mean I am going to make a mad dash for my van at 11. No way I can use the public restroom. My porta potti is ready to go in the back of my van. We are on the 5th floor and there is no way in hell I am getting on one of our less than reliable elevators. I am very nervous.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: eqaqqq ()
Date: April 23, 2015 10:57AM

dont worry.. it will be over soon enough. operation jade helm will wisk many off to the abandoned walmarts to put us to death.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: April 23, 2015 11:53AM

Sliced hold it in. The SBD's can be blamed on someone else in the room.

I'm glad you've got your van. Thank goodness, and I hope you get out on time.

If any of my midwives can assist you, let me know.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Nutritionist ()
Date: April 23, 2015 12:25PM

I'm curious about your exercise plans, and meal intakes.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: sliced onion ()
Date: April 23, 2015 02:01PM

Brown Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Sliced hold it in. The SBD's can be blamed on
> someone else in the room.
>
> I'm glad you've got your van. Thank goodness, and
> I hope you get out on time.
>
> If any of my midwives can assist you, let me know.


I hung on till noon then ran home to my throne. Suffered a bit of leakage as I was punching in my alarm code. No worries though, just a quick shower and fresh set of fruit of the loom's and I feel like a new man. Some of my co-workers are wondering why I was making a qick departure, they saw me half running and half limping across the parking lot. People are starting to talk FML.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: April 23, 2015 03:37PM

I'm sorry Sliced, but your resilience is impressive.

Despite betrayal style bowels, you don't let them define you.

Instead you fight on. You deserve a medal.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: April 24, 2015 03:31AM

If you are in western Fairfax, those screams are not a wild animal.

You can go back to sleep.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: we-are-doomed ()
Date: April 24, 2015 06:34AM

eqaqqq Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> dont worry.. it will be over soon enough.
> operation jade helm will wisk many off to the
> abandoned walmarts to put us to death.

like this ?

http://allnewspipeline.com/Jade_Helm_15_Missiles_In_Texas_Wal_Mart.php

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: April 24, 2015 06:38AM

Even my bowels, as crappy as they are, think you are full of shit.

Get some tin foil on.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: we-are-doomed ()
Date: April 24, 2015 06:43AM

Brown Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Even my bowels, as crappy as they are, think you
> are full of shit.
>
> Get some tin foil on.


did you get fitted for your free government coffin yet ?

http://truthalerts.com/tag/fema-coffins/

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: April 24, 2015 08:10AM

we-are-doomed Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Brown Onion Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > Even my bowels, as crappy as they are, think
> you
> > are full of shit.
> >
> > Get some tin foil on.
>
>
> did you get fitted for your free government coffin
> yet ?
>
> http://truthalerts.com/tag/fema-coffins/

No but I got fitted with a new anonscope at the doctors office.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: sliced onion ()
Date: April 24, 2015 09:13AM

Code green bowel day for me today, how you doin BO?

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: czwee ()
Date: April 24, 2015 09:17AM

big full bowl for me, lots of blood tho..

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: April 24, 2015 09:56AM

sliced onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Code green bowel day for me today, how you doin
> BO?


Hoping your bowels deliver a nice # 4 #2 Sliced.

Right now still recovering from last nights savagery. The amount of screaming and tile removal, that might be a new record.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: April 24, 2015 09:57AM

czwee Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> big full bowl for me, lots of blood tho..


That's never fun. Was it the size of the crap pushed through your bowels?

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: czwee ()
Date: April 25, 2015 05:47AM

severe hemmoroids that hang out. got to stuff em back in every time

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: April 25, 2015 07:30AM

This morning has been a disaster. I accidentally took just one slice of cheese cake, and the back doors hurt

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: sliced onion ()
Date: April 25, 2015 08:19AM

Brown Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> This morning has been a disaster. I accidentally
> took just one slice of cheese cake, and the back
> doors hurt


Wow BO, Cheese cake? I guess we all have to walk on the wild side every now and then.
My bowels were just fine yesterday until the cute girl from church called me up. She wants me to help with a fundraiser to buy some window air conditioners for a few of our parishioners who are elderly and on a fixed income. Half an hour after I got off the phone with her the diarrhea kicked in. I guess this proves that a good part of my problem is psychological. I pledged 200 bucks and offered to help with the transport and installation of the machines. My bowels have caused every relationship I have been in to fail, I am in panic mode.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: April 25, 2015 02:20PM

Hold firm Sliced.

Remember your kindness to this church program? The young dame in question will think of this before your bowels. You are not alone, back in my younger days before my bowels fully betrayed me, ladies would cause me excessive gas.

Today's adventure will not happen again. Witch hazel is in heavy use.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: April 25, 2015 03:43PM

You talk about diarrhea!

If hanging around the house and splattering the porcelain day and night without letup is your idea of life, have I got a medication for you.

While this ordeal is agonizing and draining, I am experiencing a perverse fascination and awe with the furious, spectacular expulsions of bubbling lava-feces. My Schphinckter has been stressed beyond human endurance. My sensitive ano=recto tissues are inflamed and raw, ever see the distended anuses of the zoo monkeys?

Endless red hot Sitz baths and ass slathered handfuls of shark liver oil offer only brief respites.

I'm looking forward to getting off these meds. Sure, constipation is no stroll through the Pansies.
But compared to having Old Faithful satanically possessing your rectum, expelling a Subaru sized field stone through a garden hose sized orifice is a day at the ballpark.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Anon Doc ()
Date: April 25, 2015 04:20PM

BEH Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> You talk about diarrhea!
>
> If hanging around the house and splattering the
> porcelain day and night without letup is your idea
> of life, have I got a medication for you.
>
> While this ordeal is agonizing and draining, I am
> experiencing a perverse fascination and awe with
> the furious, spectacular expulsions of bubbling
> lava-feces. My Schphinckter has been stressed
> beyond human endurance. My sensitive ano=recto
> tissues are inflamed and raw, ever see the
> distended anuses of the zoo monkeys?
>
> Endless red hot Sitz baths and ass slathered
> handfuls of shark liver oil offer only brief
> respites.
>
> I'm looking forward to getting off these meds.
> Sure, constipation is no stroll through the
> Pansies.
> But compared to having Old Faithful satanically
> possessing your rectum, expelling a Subaru sized
> field stone through a garden hose sized orifice is
> a day at the ballpark.


A write up from Woodburn obviously.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: April 25, 2015 05:03PM

Want to visit my bathroom anon dick, or how about sticking one of your torture devices up my asshole asshole.

You are not easy to squeeze out of my bowels, but my body rejects you.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: sliced onion ()
Date: April 25, 2015 05:19PM

You guys might want to buy stock in the company that makes immodium A-D. I might as well fill a candy dish with them and put it on my coffee table. I am trying to get control of my bowels so I can go to church tomorrow. The cute girl that maybe likes me will be there.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Tweenage ()
Date: April 25, 2015 06:25PM

I am divorced and my 12 year old son stays with me a few nights a week. About once every two or three weeks he clogs my toilet with a massive shit. I am 90% certain its not just too much TP. He has a moderately healthy diet and drinks water like all day long. I know he's not dehydrated.

I have one or two bowel movements a day and never had this problem. Any idea what's going on?

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: sliced onion ()
Date: April 25, 2015 07:52PM

Tweenage Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I am divorced and my 12 year old son stays with me
> a few nights a week. About once every two or
> three weeks he clogs my toilet with a massive
> shit. I am 90% certain its not just too much TP.
> He has a moderately healthy diet and drinks water
> like all day long. I know he's not dehydrated.
>
> I have one or two bowel movements a day and never
> had this problem. Any idea what's going on?


He may be one of us.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Anon Doc ()
Date: April 25, 2015 07:57PM

Tweenage Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I am divorced and my 12 year old son stays with me
> a few nights a week. About once every two or
> three weeks he clogs my toilet with a massive
> shit. I am 90% certain its not just too much TP.
> He has a moderately healthy diet and drinks water
> like all day long. I know he's not dehydrated.
>
> I have one or two bowel movements a day and never
> had this problem. Any idea what's going on?


It's impossible to diagnose without seeing your son in my office, but it sounds as if a good plan, would be to visit a gastroenterologist.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: April 26, 2015 07:13AM

Sliced I hope your meeting with this young lady goes well at church. May your bowels persevere.

To the new poster, ignore anon dick. What's your son eating, and how long has this been going on?

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: April 26, 2015 11:50AM

Oh man.

I just shit out a telephone booth. It stood up without assistance, and amazing that the groan throne swallowed that.

It sounded a bit like the Titanic going down. If only Jack could have been included in that rather large stinky package.

It's witch hazel time.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: sliced onion ()
Date: April 26, 2015 12:26PM

BO, after sinking that one maybe you can take it easy the rest of the day, the weather is very nice now that the rain is gone. Great day for a walk!
The cute girl went with me to starbucks after church. I think she likes me, her husband left her for a girl with huge tits a few years back. I guess I better tell her the horrible truth about my bowels soon.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Beer goggles ()
Date: April 26, 2015 12:42PM

I was constipated for a few weeks due to stress. The only way I could get anything out was to take Milk of magnesia or a bowel stimulant. Nothing else worked.

The past week I've been drinking lots of beer, 6-8 a night and I have been shitting consistently. Is it because the beer relaxes you, or what?

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: sliced onion ()
Date: April 26, 2015 01:03PM

Beer goggles Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I was constipated for a few weeks due to stress.
> The only way I could get anything out was to take
> Milk of magnesia or a bowel stimulant. Nothing
> else worked.
>
> The past week I've been drinking lots of beer, 6-8
> a night and I have been shitting consistently. Is
> it because the beer relaxes you, or what?


For some reason beer does not mess with my bowels too much. I drink rolling rocks and I will drink a six pack on weekend nights. Are you drinking those micro-brews or watery beer like bud light?

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Anon Doc ()
Date: April 26, 2015 01:11PM

Beer goggles Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I was constipated for a few weeks due to stress.
> The only way I could get anything out was to take
> Milk of magnesia or a bowel stimulant. Nothing
> else worked.
>
> The past week I've been drinking lots of beer, 6-8
> a night and I have been shitting consistently. Is
> it because the beer relaxes you, or what?


Beer is not healthy for your liver or digestive system.

I would recommend a visit to a gastroenterologist, along with perhaps a therapist for the stress. Anxiety and digestive issues are very connected.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Sunflower72 ()
Date: April 26, 2015 02:04PM

Yes as a former GI nurse, I do recommend seeking medical help. Yet not from this asshole. He is not at all like the caring GI's I worked for.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: shitty beer ()
Date: April 26, 2015 02:06PM

sliced onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Beer goggles Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > I was constipated for a few weeks due to
> stress.
> > The only way I could get anything out was to
> take
> > Milk of magnesia or a bowel stimulant. Nothing
> > else worked.
> >
> > The past week I've been drinking lots of beer,
> 6-8
> > a night and I have been shitting consistently.
> Is
> > it because the beer relaxes you, or what?
>
>
> For some reason beer does not mess with my bowels
> too much. I drink rolling rocks and I will drink a
> six pack on weekend nights. Are you drinking those
> micro-brews or watery beer like bud light?

Had a couple IPA's here and there but mostly your standard light beer. Since I've been drinking these past few nights I've been very regular.

Anyone else experience something similar?

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Anon Doc ()
Date: April 26, 2015 02:34PM

shitty beer Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> sliced onion Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > Beer goggles Wrote:
> >
> --------------------------------------------------
>
> > -----
> > > I was constipated for a few weeks due to
> > stress.
> > > The only way I could get anything out was to
> > take
> > > Milk of magnesia or a bowel stimulant.
> Nothing
> > > else worked.
> > >
> > > The past week I've been drinking lots of
> beer,
> > 6-8
> > > a night and I have been shitting
> consistently.
> > Is
> > > it because the beer relaxes you, or what?
> >
> >
> > For some reason beer does not mess with my
> bowels
> > too much. I drink rolling rocks and I will drink
> a
> > six pack on weekend nights. Are you drinking
> those
> > micro-brews or watery beer like bud light?
>
> Had a couple IPA's here and there but mostly your
> standard light beer. Since I've been drinking
> these past few nights I've been very regular.
>
> Anyone else experience something similar?



Medically speaking it does not matter. Alcoholic beverages, whether beer or any other substance, can make IBS and other related conditions worse.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Anon Quack ()
Date: April 26, 2015 02:36PM

Anon Doc Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
>
>
>
> Medically speaking it does not matter. Alcoholic
> beverages, whether beer or any other substance,
> can make IBS and other related conditions worse.


Well I just told you it helps me, so it looks like your medical advice and your many years of schooling got you nowhere.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Anon Doc ()
Date: April 26, 2015 02:45PM

Anon Quack Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Anon Doc Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> >
> >
> >
> > Medically speaking it does not matter.
> Alcoholic
> > beverages, whether beer or any other substance,
> > can make IBS and other related conditions
> worse.
>
>
> Well I just told you it helps me, so it looks like
> your medical advice and your many years of
> schooling got you nowhere.

Have you had your liver enzyme test recently?

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: skunky brew ()
Date: April 26, 2015 03:48PM

Anon Doc Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Anon Quack Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > Anon Doc Wrote:
> >
> --------------------------------------------------
>
> > -----
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > Medically speaking it does not matter.
> > Alcoholic
> > > beverages, whether beer or any other
> substance,
> > > can make IBS and other related conditions
> > worse.
> >
> >
> > Well I just told you it helps me, so it looks
> like
> > your medical advice and your many years of
> > schooling got you nowhere.
>
> Have you had your liver enzyme test recently?


No. I imagine its high but not nearly enough to kill me. It would take years of abuse to get there.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: April 26, 2015 04:32PM

Sliced you are the perfect man for this lady. With her and your pain shared, I think your paths align. Maybe not the brown one, but with your kindness and honesty, she will understand screams and smells coming out of the master bathroom.

I'm glad anon dick is getting his. Thank you sunflower, as anon dick is a asshole.

If beer helps drink it. Now to frame my new Bristol Stool Guide.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: April 27, 2015 06:44AM

I await my sister Matilda's arrival. She had a bad night on her groan throne, details to follow.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: sliced onion ()
Date: April 27, 2015 08:22AM

Had a rough session from 3 to 4am. Had the heated seat going, squatty potty under my feet and a towel over my head. Lots of work for little elimination.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: April 27, 2015 12:58PM

Sliced, I wonder how many calories we burn. Our bowels put us through hell.

I hope you feel better, and I'm recovering from lunch with my sister.

Apparently she gave birth to a Lincoln Town car last night. The large grill edition.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: WTF6757 ()
Date: April 27, 2015 02:13PM

Doug Fister is on the Nationals mound tonight guys.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: sliced onion ()
Date: April 27, 2015 02:22PM

Brown Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Sliced, I wonder how many calories we burn. Our
> bowels put us through hell.
>
> I hope you feel better, and I'm recovering from
> lunch with my sister.
>
> Apparently she gave birth to a Lincoln Town car
> last night. The large grill edition.

I have been uncomfortable all day. The guy in the cubicle next to me goes to the can nearly every day after lunch. He drops a load in about 5 minitues and is back at his desk. Oh how I wish it was that easy for me.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: April 27, 2015 07:11PM

My bowels feel like the streets of Baltimore.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: April 28, 2015 07:32AM

You know those shits where your lower and upper intestines scream, while your toenails rip apart the tiles?

That was last night. I almost apologized to the groan throne. My starfish is out of commission for a while. Some bleeding lots of tp. Invest in Charmin folks.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: sliced onion ()
Date: April 28, 2015 11:46AM

Brown Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> You know those shits where your lower and upper
> intestines scream, while your toenails rip apart
> the tiles?
>
> That was last night. I almost apologized to the
> groan throne. My starfish is out of commission for
> a while. Some bleeding lots of tp. Invest in
> Charmin folks.

I know the feeling BO. Have you ever pulled the towel rack off the wall? I have lost several towel racks. I am going home early today, just too stopped up to concentrate on anything. I am paying for the overdose of immodium a-d I had to take over the weekend. I need to soak my butt in my jacuzzi for a few hours.

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Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Brown Onion ()
Date: April 28, 2015 03:27PM

Slice, as a matter of fact yes. Those, tp rolls, and even one sink foyer have been completely destroyed.

A jacuzzi should help your bowels. Knowing my luck, my ass would burn even more. I'm sick of going through rolls of toilet paper.

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