HomeFairfax General ForumArrest/Ticket SearchWiki newPictures/VideosChatArticlesLinksAbout
Off-Topic :  Fairfax Underground fairfax underground logo
Welcome to Fairfax Underground, a project site designed to improve communication among residents of Fairfax County, VA. Feel free to post anything Northern Virginia residents would find interesting.
Pages: Previous1234567891011...LastNext
Current Page: 4 of 146
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: December 30, 2013 05:17AM

It appears all went okay except for Gordo. Perhaps new brown color sheets would be appropriate, per what BEH posted.

I'm sorry you have to deal with IBS with a capital D.

The Christmas holidays were good for me, as the squash loosened me up. Mostly #4 #2s although one was a borderline #3. This week I'm excited about my Bristol Stool Guide pictures being framed, and hope its not expensive as shit.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Rectal Prolapse ()
Date: December 30, 2013 05:19AM

Enjoy this rectal prolapse for the next 98 posts
Attachments:
16112011078[1].jpg

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: December 30, 2013 06:18AM

There's nothing to enjoy about that. It looks like someone has worse then shit issues.

This is more proof that if you treat your asshole like a personal repository for garbage eaten or engage in unsavory activity in this region, there's gonna be hell to pay.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: December 30, 2013 07:53AM

Once your anus becomes prolapsed, as shown in the photo above, you're never the same again.

This is about more than just embarrassment and stains in your underpants.

This is a serious health issue.

Unless of course, you're one of those folks who likes a sun dried tomato growing out of your ass.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: December 30, 2013 08:42AM

Thank you BEh and onion. I am sending new bedsheets to them. No they will not be brown although with my sister in laws reaction may be they should be. Her obscene language yelling at my brother and I was not helpful. I wish I could have blamed their large dog but that was impossible. In fact, it might be a good idea to call and apologize again. I didn't mean for this to happen.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: December 30, 2013 04:19PM

The day started off promising, but I believe it was the teriyaki chicken that was the culprit.

I'm too tired to type a lot, but I think I got a look at childbirth.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Cat Scat Fever ()
Date: December 30, 2013 04:25PM

Point. Point and laugh.

You ladies are such shitheads!

Mwahahahaaha!

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: December 31, 2013 05:22AM

I've been up all night. At least this time it was my bed, that's going to need cleaning. I think it was the hamburger that set off this. I'm still hurting this morning. Cramps and feels like taking a crap but nothing is there

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: December 31, 2013 06:21AM

Gordo, sorry about that.

We have different forms of IBS, but we are still brothers in bowel, or part of the bowel battalion.

Have you tried to reduce coffee, large meals, fatty foods, and extreme temperature different foods and beverages? These often go through someone with your predicament with haste, thus leading to the fast action diarrhea. I hope you feel better soon, a bit worried what my intestines are working on.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Eeshagain ()
Date: December 31, 2013 06:28AM

Blooming Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Gordo, sorry about that.
>
> We have different forms of IBS, but we are still
> brothers in bowel, or part of the bowel battalion.
>
>
so how is diaperboy today ?
Attachments:
images99.jpg

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: December 31, 2013 08:04AM

None of us wear those, but one day all of us will. You should think before your post, because one day your bowels will turn on you, and you'll be walking around in brown splatter or trying to pop out a television sized shit from your chocolate starfish.

Karma is for real. I don't appreciate your making fun of us, along with the other 30 million plus Americans who have bowel related issues. That's a lowball number, as some estimates put IBS at 20% of the population. Let's not be an asshole, but rather keep those of with this issue in your prayers. Be an advocate for a cure, research, awareness. Stand with us in fifty shades of brown.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: rwerr ()
Date: December 31, 2013 08:17AM

do hemorrhoids count ?

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: December 31, 2013 08:27AM

Hemorrhoids are the badge of courage for the chronically constipated.

You say the word and giggle, just pray you don't eventually wind up as a victim.

I would not wish shitting a Volkswagon and suffering from the resulting garden hose sized Hemorrhoid on anyone.

But go ahead and keep on snickering like a hyena. Eventually, your ass will exact revenge for all of us.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: December 31, 2013 08:42AM

Hemorrhoids are a result of constipation, genetics, sitting long periods, straining, or in our case a common work place injury.

I'm not sure what foods cause them to be more prevalent. You can have internal or external versions.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: The Meat Factory ()
Date: December 31, 2013 08:44AM

What if you just eat lettuce and cut all crap out of your diet?

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: fhjjghghh ()
Date: December 31, 2013 08:46AM

Blooming Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Hemorrhoids are a result of constipation,
> genetics, sitting long periods, straining, or in
> our case a common work place injury.
>
> I'm not sure what foods cause them to be more
> prevalent. You can have internal or external
> versions.


can i have both since they are so popular. ? as long as they are free

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: a fellow sufferer ()
Date: December 31, 2013 09:49AM

its nothing to joke about. I have had IBS for too many years to count. Just last week had a release in the nonfiction section of the libarary. i was so embarrased but when the police came they arrested me for public defication. During the booking while sitting naked in the processing area i had no warning and let out the most horrific amount of material that no one could imagine. The hazmat team was called. Still awaiting trial but my lawyer says that the district attorney if a fellow sufferer and one dropped a load in court and thinks he will decline to press any charges.

Lucky me

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Cat Scat Fever ()
Date: December 31, 2013 09:55AM

I met a girl who shares my love of scat.

It was love at first shite.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Cat Scat Fever ()
Date: December 31, 2013 10:00AM

I went to a scat party last night.

Got absolutely shit faced.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: December 31, 2013 10:01AM

a fellow sufferer Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> its nothing to joke about. I have had IBS for too
> many years to count. Just last week had a release
> in the nonfiction section of the libarary. i was
> so embarrased but when the police came they
> arrested me for public defication. During the
> booking while sitting naked in the processing area
> i had no warning and let out the most horrific
> amount of material that no one could imagine. The
> hazmat team was called. Still awaiting trial but
> my lawyer says that the district attorney if a
> fellow sufferer and one dropped a load in court
> and thinks he will decline to press any charges.
>
> Lucky me

The sufferer of any other disease would have been treated by medical personel or brought to a hospital.

Yet, the IBS sufferer is subjected to arrest and humiliation.

More than ever, we have to stand up and be counted. We have to petition the courts, and hold public officials to task.

We are suffering and we have rights. The abuse has to stop!

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: December 31, 2013 10:40AM

The Meat Factory Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> What if you just eat lettuce and cut all crap out
> of your diet?


Of only it was that easy. Narrowing down what causes bowel inflammation is no walk in the park.

Meats such as the red ones, in my opinion are more difficult to digest.

My recommendation is to cut out sodas, dairy, and go bland. It's not easy, but one must do this to minimize flare ups.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Mr Brown Underwear ()
Date: December 31, 2013 10:52AM

It appears school must be out. How would you fucking kids like to sit in a shit filled pair of Depends? Go ahead! Go back to school like that! Maybe it will make you popular! The prom queen wants you

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: December 31, 2013 11:31AM

Mr U,

Your frustration is understandable, but to win over the general public on our behinds, we must present a unified front for our bowel brigade. Winning hearts and minds won't be easy, but our asses depend on it.

You catch more flies with honey then vinegar.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: December 31, 2013 01:11PM

Good sentiment Mr. Brown, but don't forget, we're not working with honey or vinegar, we're trying to win understanding and sympathy against the backdrop of something not any less disgusting as feces.

Our disease is associated with such extreme foulness that it creates contempt rather than concern.

You see the jeering comments about fisting and lettuce , and they are just about as hurtful as shitting a telephone pole, as awkward as your girlfriend seeing track marks on your boxers, and as embarrassing as becoming incontinent during your childs school play.

But one of your points is indisputable Mr. Brown, and yes, we MUST present a unified front.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Tough One ()
Date: December 31, 2013 02:23PM

BEH Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Good sentiment Mr. Brown, but don't forget, we're
> not working with honey or vinegar, we're trying to
> win understanding and sympathy against the
> backdrop of something not any less disgusting as
> feces.
>
> Our disease is associated with such extreme
> foulness that it creates contempt rather than
> concern.
>
> You see the jeering comments about fisting and
> lettuce , and they are just about as hurtful as
> shitting a telephone pole, as awkward as your
> girlfriend seeing track marks on your boxers, and
> as embarrassing as becoming incontinent during
> your childs school play.
>
> But one of your points is indisputable Mr. Brown,
> and yes, we MUST present a unified front.


I'm laughing with you again, this might be both the most entertaining and humorous thread on the underground. As for the record, I support anyone with such a condition, it makes my maladies pale by comparison. "Fisting and lettuce", the grocery store visit that I have to make has just been ruined.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 12/31/2013 02:24PM by Tough One.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: zzzzzzzzz ()
Date: January 01, 2014 08:32AM

get fisted

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 01, 2014 08:39AM

I learned a valuable lesson last night. Happy New Year to all, but 2014 starts with a lot of pain. This is worse than a hangover. It involves my ass.

If you have IBS, tread carefully with Sushi. I got backed up last night, much like how that Russian and Chinese icebreakers are stuck in ice.

I felt my colon on a one to one level. My intestines stretched a lot. The mucous helped but the pipes still hurt, as does the exit door. No sushi ever again.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Mr Brown Underwear ()
Date: January 01, 2014 09:33AM

My New Year Resolutidown a bit. I'm

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Mr Brown Underwear ()
Date: January 01, 2014 09:35AM

Sorry about that. My NY Resolution is to tone my temper down. It could help decrease accidents that's according to my physician.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: dsesrrw ()
Date: January 01, 2014 11:49AM

we need to create a brown ribbon for IBS awareness, create ourselves high level jobs and each pocket a couple of million a year in salary

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 01, 2014 12:59PM

I'm for the brown ribbon for IBS awareness, and a IBS charitable foundation.

As for practices you mentioned, an IBS charity support group, would be a tight fisted group against embezzlement or high salaries. We are a bit anal after all.

I dream of a day that brown shirts are sold with "I have IBS" "Find a Cure for IBS" "Brown Brigade" 'I love someone with IBS" or "save the sphincter".

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: SuperNiggr ()
Date: January 01, 2014 08:35PM

Curry laska is something my bowels simply cannot digest. Something about the amalgam of fish derivatives, sugars, various forms of glutimate, etc. turn into a greasy digestive lubricant. Anyone else have this sort of issue?

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: ballsack ()
Date: January 02, 2014 06:38AM

Blooming Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I'm for the brown ribbon for IBS awareness, and a
> IBS charitable foundation.
>
> As for practices you mentioned, an IBS charity
> support group, would be a tight fisted group
> against embezzlement or high salaries. We are a
> bit anal after all.
>
> I dream of a day that brown shirts are sold with
> "I have IBS" "Find a Cure for IBS" "Brown Brigade"
> 'I love someone with IBS" or "save the sphincter".


I am sure there is a government grant somewhere for this

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: fdgh ()
Date: January 02, 2014 08:38AM

.
Attachments:
images98.jpg

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 02, 2014 09:54AM

SuperNiggr Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Curry laska is something my bowels simply cannot
> digest. Something about the amalgam of fish
> derivatives, sugars, various forms of glutimate,
> etc. turn into a greasy digestive lubricant.
> Anyone else have this sort of issue?


My best guess is its the spices. These are not broken down by stomach acids, and along with a lack of ms production, leads to a shitty shit. That's what I'm guessing, as new foods often introduced to me, cause my bowels so much pain its almost unbearable.

Best oD luck I hope the doc shows up here to answer that, even though he's an asshole.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: January 02, 2014 10:15AM

The horror....the horror
Attachments:
constipated1.bmp
constipated.gif
constipation.jpg
colonoscopy-dummies.png

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 02, 2014 10:56AM

Good and timely advice Beh.

Do they make that guide in poster sized by any chance?

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: January 02, 2014 10:59AM

Blooming Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Good and timely advice Beh.
>
> Do they make that guide in poster sized by any
> chance?

Yes B.O., I hate it on my wall, right next to the Farrah Fawcet poster.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 02, 2014 01:07PM

Beauty and the Bowel Beast, right next to each other. You have a lot of guts, because that iconic poster puts lead in my pencil still. She is missed, and while she didn't have bowel problems, just the thought of her in her hey day, reminds me of the innocent days before I was betrayed by my asshole.

Those were great days, and Fonzi's Brown coat would be greeted with a smile, now its a reminder to always be close to a toilet. A good bowel movement isn't guaranteed either.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: January 02, 2014 01:11PM

B.O. it is ironic, but Ms. Fawcet succumbed to anal cancer.

She was beautiful, but apparently her bowels weren't.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 02, 2014 01:29PM

That's horrible, as I had no idea that was the cause of her demise.

Her ass literally cost her her ass.

I know we complain about brown streaks, abdominal pains, but IBS does not increase the chances for anal cancer.

Now to squeeze off what remains of that raw fish.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: January 02, 2014 02:04PM

New Years Eve did not go as planned. Unfortunate for my guests, I drank champagne as the ball in New York did. I drank too much and ate ice cream, chocolates. The results were as usual. My bedsheets were thrown out my bathroom was a mess. It looks like monkeys spent a day in there.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Black Undies ()
Date: January 02, 2014 03:54PM

Why don't you fucking assholes write pms to each other? Last time I checked this is about Fairfax, not some personal health problems!

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Black Undies ()
Date: January 02, 2014 03:57PM

Fuck you!!!!
Attachments:
2014-01-02-15-55-41--612878807.jpeg

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 03, 2014 05:51AM

What a nut.

I hope Black Underwear doesn't have to work today.

Apparently Mother Nature knows best, as I am able to telework today.

This is good because I feel the formation of brown matter in my stomach.

It's only a matter of time, before this goes out the starfish, and brings about screaming that's like a wild animals.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: January 03, 2014 06:59AM

You are lucky, I have to drive my shit stained Yaris in this mess to work.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 03, 2014 07:19AM

Gordorsky Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> You are lucky, I have to drive my shit stained
> Yaris in this mess to work.


Gordo have you ever thought of some sort of seat covers? This would save in cleaning costs, along with the odors. Maybe a tarp or plastic sheets would work. Just a thought.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 03, 2014 07:57AM

That scene where Ned Beatty is moaning in pain, after being sadistically raped, that is how my asshole feels. While I'm lucky enough not to be on a log, I do feel as if flowers would be appreciated.

It came on so fast. I was working on my laptop, when that primal urge struck.

I then gave birth to what appears to be a healthy, chunky brown baby without an epidural.

If someone has cigars and or a sewing set please let me know. This one requires my living room to become a recovery room.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: January 03, 2014 09:34AM

Blooming I've used clear plastic from Home Depo in the garden section, it leaks. Thus its off to the car wash with a big amount of cash.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: January 03, 2014 09:39AM

Gordorsky, maybe you should consider something like this?
Attachments:
BMtoilet.jpg

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Miscavage ()
Date: January 03, 2014 10:26AM

I feel for you all. I'm going for a check up next week.

Being in my fifties has led to changes, dietary ones especially.
I feel that my innards are being exposed to a New York subway train, each time I have a bowel movement.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: January 03, 2014 11:12AM

No way that fits in my Yaris. Thank you for the idea. It's a good idea.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 03, 2014 12:51PM

Misgave welcome aboard the poop express. Your train and pain are understood here. While I suffer I feel better knowing others bravely battle on.

United in our boweldom, seeking out the closest stall, together we stand. Crouching only as necessary.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: January 03, 2014 01:17PM

.
Attachments:
bowel.jpg

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Black Undies ()
Date: January 03, 2014 01:38PM

This shit is getting old go to a medical site fuckers

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Miscavage ()
Date: January 03, 2014 01:40PM

That thankfully is not the machine my butt has been inspected by. Perhaps the finger isn't as bad as I complain about

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: January 03, 2014 04:40PM

I found surplus canvas. While I cannot wipe with it, this and a bucket in the car have made the commute better. Off to Sbarros for their delicious lasagna, I hope its not so busy that I go in and get turned away without a reservation.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: 456ty ()
Date: January 03, 2014 05:42PM

you guys are psycho

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Black Undies ()
Date: January 04, 2014 07:25AM

Go to a medical site fuckers!

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 04, 2014 10:13AM

Black- if you were shitting razor blades, you would be posting here about it. Do you have bowel problems, because you seem uptight.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: mjfder ()
Date: January 04, 2014 11:18AM

my hemmoroids hurt this morning

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 04, 2014 03:07PM

Witch hazel is your friend for roids.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: H G Roid ()
Date: January 05, 2014 08:14AM

Blooming Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Witch hazel is your friend for roids.


Duh its the main ingredient in Preparation H.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 05, 2014 10:26AM

H G Roid Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Blooming Onion Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > Witch hazel is your friend for roids.
>
>
> Duh its the main ingredient in Preparation H.


We don't need any Monday morning quarterbacks here. What we need is support, even with the team of IBS sufferers the Browns out of the playoffs.


For the record I started today perfectly. I think bananas and apples help with #4 #2s.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: bvvccxzaa ()
Date: January 05, 2014 09:06PM

just dropped a log the size of a subway train. quite a bit of bleeding

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 06, 2014 07:16AM

bvvccxzaa Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> just dropped a log the size of a subway train.
> quite a bit of bleeding


There are many reasons for this, but if you have a hemorrhoid or IBS C you are not alone. Plenty of us share your pain.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: January 06, 2014 09:54AM

After this weekend, I am so severely stopped up, that the thought of the eventual elimination is me causing extreme anxiety.

Even with quadruple doses of Psylium, and the force feeding of copious amounts of turnip green and baked beans isn't helping.

Castor oil and milk of magnesia have no effect, I might as well pepare myself to expell a California Redwood.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 06, 2014 12:32PM

BEH what an awful way to spend a weekend. Here's to a brown flag of support flying in the wind, in honor of your perseverance in such odds. Odds. I wonder if Phil Collins Against thr Odds was related to our medical affliction.

Last night I had a basketball sized monster, that could have been autographed by the Harlem Globe Trotters.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: January 06, 2014 12:42PM

Blooming Onion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> BEH what an awful way to spend a weekend. Here's
> to a brown flag of support flying in the wind, in
> honor of your perseverance in such odds. Odds. I
> wonder if Phil Collins Against thr Odds was
> related to our medical affliction.
>
> Last night I had a basketball sized monster, that
> could have been autographed by the Harlem Globe
> Trotters.
Attachments:
Brown_flag_waving_svg.png

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 06, 2014 12:54PM

That's it right there. Perhaps under old glory, Virginia,and Fairfax county, this flag should be flown. One in five of us have bowel problems. You can't get more common, and bring in such a feeling of unity with regards to much.

I was thinking this morning about the phrase "intestinal fortitude." Considering the intestines are 31 feet, that's quite an achievement, and could describe our courage in the face of blood streaks, bowel movements that look like rock formations, and the baseless accusations from non IBSers that our disease is in our heads.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: January 06, 2014 01:13PM

In our heads?

If only!

It's our rectums that get wrecked.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Mr Brown Underwear ()
Date: January 06, 2014 01:50PM

Fuck you! It's in my head, huh? Come look in my adult underwear asshole. I'm fucking pissed off now you think its in my head wear depends asshole!

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Mr Brown Underwear ()
Date: January 06, 2014 01:50PM

Fuck you! It's in my head, huh? Come look in my adult underwear asshole. I'm fucking pissed off now andif you think its in my head wear depends asshole!

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Mr Brown Underwear ()
Date: January 06, 2014 01:50PM

Fuck you! It's in my head, huh? Come look in my adult underwear asshole. I'm fucking pissed off now you think its in my head wear depends asshole!

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: January 06, 2014 02:55PM

What Mr.Brown said was so nice, he said it thrice

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 06, 2014 02:58PM

Brown, please calm down for your health.

Bowels are directly affected by stress. Please keep that in mind, as we stand or crouch down united.

We must use our knowledge along with what we go through each day, to inspire those who don't have IBS, to join us in our quest for a cure.

Our asses depend on this Brown.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: January 06, 2014 03:10PM

.
Attachments:
brown next.bmp
Brown_flag_waving_svg.png
brownalsotoo.jpg

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Mr Brown Underwear ()
Date: January 06, 2014 03:36PM

Calm down are you fucking kidding? Maybe you should wear diapers filled with feces for a day asshole! Do you piss and shit yourself?

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 07, 2014 07:02AM

Brownie please calm down, as the reason is two fold, your health and sharing the same lofty bowel battalion goals of a unified front. This is how we will have brown flags in front of government buildings and businesses alike, people wearing brown and feces looking pins, let freedom ring for all that struggle each day.

The civil rights movement and others took time to gain traction. In many ways we are gaining steam and acceptance. It's only a matter of time before IBS people and our allies have a international moment of glory. I have a feeling it will be like when the womens soccer team won and they took their shirts off in honor of so much and many.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: January 07, 2014 08:34AM

Even with this cold weather that reminds me of my native lands, my asshole seems to heat up. In many ways its like Wormwood or as Westerners know Chernobyl. I've taken the day off from work. I don't feel good about it. Who knows what the bosses think. I'm worried this morning. Drinking lots of water.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: January 07, 2014 09:00AM

The very thought of my next bowel movement terrifies me.

Its building up right now, sliding into posistion for a launch around Thursday.

How much more can a Schphinkter take?

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 07, 2014 10:12AM

Solid question BEH, pun intended. Like you I've got a storm brewing, although its too early to say its going to be Category 1 to 5.

I do wonder now, and if the MD could return here,I would like to know the psi of my bowels.

Best of luck BEH, may you persevere without excavating equipment.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: January 07, 2014 10:33AM

Bloomy, thanks for the kind sentiments, but I anticipate the usual rectum ripping, anal aching, schphinkter stretching, baby bull sized bowel movement.

I was wondering, does anyone know how to remove fingernails imbedded in the caulking between bathroom tiles?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/07/2014 10:33AM by BEH.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 07, 2014 10:43AM

It seems our experience on the throne is a similarly savage experience. One that must be handled with dignity, as our forehead veins pop out, and our screams easily confused for foxes copulating.

I wish you the best, as my Bristol Stool Guides were framed. The man at the store ringing up my order, looked at me with disdain, scorn. I thanked him and he just shrugged out of indifference.

On the way out I looked back. He was sanitizing his hands. This humiliation shows we have a ways to go.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Miscavige ()
Date: January 07, 2014 02:46PM

How does Metamucil and other products affert you? What is this powder Beh speaks of called?

Whoever coined the phrase all downhill after forty was wise.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: January 07, 2014 02:59PM

Miscavige Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> How does Metamucil and other products affert you?
> What is this powder Beh speaks of called?
>
> Whoever coined the phrase all downhill after forty
> was wise.

For the treatment of constipation, psyllium fibre works by absorbing water from the intestines to produce larger, softer stools. It usually works within 12 hours to 72 hours.

To increase fibre intake or treat constipation, the usual recommended dose for adults is one rounded teaspoon (or one rounded tablespoon for Smooth Texture, orange-flavoured) or one packet up to 3 times a day.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: violoo ()
Date: January 07, 2014 03:04PM

>
> For the treatment of constipation, psyllium fibre
> works by absorbing water from the intestines to
> produce larger, softer stools. It usually works
> within 12 hours to 72 hours.
>
> To increase fibre intake or treat constipation,
> the usual recommended dose for adults is one
> rounded teaspoon (or one rounded tablespoon for
> Smooth Texture, orange-flavoured) or one packet up
> to 3 times a day.


but wont that clog up a septic system ?

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: January 07, 2014 03:05PM

but wont that clog up a septic system ?


No, but a massive constipated turd just may.

Ask my Uncle Sylvester.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Blooming Onion ()
Date: January 07, 2014 03:21PM

I'm pleased to see this thread "tunneling" in this direction. Supplements and fiber can greatly enhance ones chance of a lovely#4 #2.

I take probiotics and believe they have eased the tension on my digestive system, so when the sludge gets to my bowels, there's less battle damage.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Gordorsky ()
Date: January 08, 2014 08:47AM

Americans born here are vicious. Europeans are so much more civil. After clearing up the Mr Poopy Pants and air freshener issue, I thought that would be it. Yet no. Some idiot left a fake crap on my desk.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Mr Brown Underwear ()
Date: January 08, 2014 10:50AM

Big fucking deal its all Americans fault. Go back to Europe if you don't like it here. Do you wear adult diapers asshole? Do you think people in Switzerland won't make fun of you? Give me a fucking break

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: January 08, 2014 11:17AM

Now Mr. Brown, we're trying to be understanding here.

We're all suffering.

I know you didn't mean it sir, you're probably having a bad elimination day yourself.

As for me, I'm awaiting the expulsion of the massive log jam in my lower intestines.

I haven't gone for 4 days now, probably the fecal cinderblock building up will further damage my rectal wall , which is already like a brown version of the Baltimore Harbor Tunnel.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Red Underwear ()
Date: January 08, 2014 11:34AM

So what?


I have streaks of blood almost every time on the crapper.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: anal cancer ()
Date: January 08, 2014 11:36AM

Red Underwear Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> So what?
>
>
> I have streaks of blood almost every time on the
> crapper.

you really might wanna get that checked out..could be colon cancer

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Red Underwear ()
Date: January 08, 2014 11:47AM

Thankfully its not that. I have a condition called IBS with constipation. This leads to large shits, and some tearing. Plus an occasional hemorrhoid.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: anal cancer ()
Date: January 08, 2014 11:49AM

that really sucks. i had a problem for awhile where my poohs would clump right at my canal and i would have to either dig it out or use enemas. eating carrots and apples helps to break it all down and let it all come out a lot more smoothly.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Red Underwear ()
Date: January 08, 2014 11:55AM

Been there done that too. Those enemas are the worst.

You aren't kidding about apples. Raisin Brand too made things clear up. I still wish the constipation would stop.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: January 08, 2014 01:02PM

The most common digestive complaint in the U.S. population, can make life miserable. Not only does constipation make you feel bloated, headachy, and irritable, but relieving constipation -- especially long-term or chronic constipation -- is time consuming and expensive.

Each year in the U.S., chronic constipation leads to around 2.5 million doctor visits -- and medication costs of many hundreds of million dollars.


If you or a loved one has chronic constipation, much of the anxiety and distress may result from a lack of knowledge about this problem.

Not only are there magnified fears about what might be causing the problem, the discomfort of chronic constipation itself can be debilitating. Constipation may slow your performance at work and even cause you to miss recreational activities.

That's why it's important to know the facts about chronic constipation and talk to your doctor about your personal situation.

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: Black Undies ()
Date: January 08, 2014 01:05PM

Tired of your daily bitch fest

Options: ReplyQuote
Re: Foods Your Bowels Dont Want
Posted by: BEH ()
Date: January 08, 2014 01:07PM

Chronic Constipation Myth: If you don't have one bowel movement a day, it's abnormal.

The Truth: Less than 50% of people have one bowel movement a day.

Chronic Constipation Myth: Fewer than five or six bowel movements a week is considered to be chronic constipation.

The Truth: 95% of adults have bowel movements between three and 21 times per week. The entire range -- even just three bowel movements a week -- is normal.

Chronic Constipation Myth: Toxins accumulate in the intestine when bowel movements are infrequent.

The Truth: Contrary to popular belief, there is no evidence that "toxins" accumulate when bowel movements are infrequent or that constipation leads to disease such as cancer. However, if you are still constipated after trying fiber, laxatives, or milk of magnesia, it is time to consult a doctor for an evaluation.

Chronic ConstipationMyth: The number of bowel movements increases with age.

The Truth : Actually, the number of bowel movements decreases with age.

Options: ReplyQuote
Pages: Previous1234567891011...LastNext
Current Page: 4 of 146


Your Name: 
Your Email (Optional): 
Subject: 
Attach a file
  • No file can be larger than 75 MB
  • All files together cannot be larger than 300 MB
  • 30 more file(s) can be attached to this message
Spam prevention:
Please, enter the code that you see below in the input field. This is for blocking bots that try to post this form automatically.
 ********   ********   **      **  ********   **     ** 
 **     **  **     **  **  **  **  **     **  **     ** 
 **     **  **     **  **  **  **  **     **  **     ** 
 **     **  ********   **  **  **  ********   **     ** 
 **     **  **         **  **  **  **          **   **  
 **     **  **         **  **  **  **           ** **   
 ********   **          ***  ***   **            ***    
This forum powered by Phorum.